


Honeysuckle

by poisond_flower



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-12 10:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 271,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20563127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisond_flower/pseuds/poisond_flower
Summary: Buffy has a cousin and Spike has always had a strange fascination with her. Saffron has a destiny of her own, how will this addition change the series? Starts season 4. Spike/OC.





	1. Chapter one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome to Honeysuckle! It's a series rewrite that follows Saff and the Scoobies through season 4 and hopefully all the way to season 7! Also, don't be fooled by the size of this chapter, the rest are all longer! Feedback is always welcome xoxo

The air was filled with a haze of smoke, the loud whir of the coffee machine behind the counter interrupted the rush of chatter from the busy tables surrounding her. She sat at a table in the corner, a cold cup of coffee in one hand and a neglected cigarette between her painted red finger nails. Her grey eyes flickering around the room, as different noises and movements caught her attention. Focus. Saffron blinked herself into focus as she dropped her cigarette butt into her sad-looking coffee cup and started to twist the silver ring on her index finger. A young woman shuffled awkwardly up to the table, her mousy bangs mostly covering her eyes and Saffron thought that she must get annoyed with it as she felt her own high ponytail which was often scraped out of her way.

"I heard you're the one I can t-talk to…"

"You have the cash?" The girl nodded, her bangs slipping further into her eyes as she sat down quickly taking the chair directly in front of Saffron, "We have to do this discreetly, you hear?" Saffron whispered, staring past the girl and towards the busy counter ensuring she hadn't been noticed. "I don't need a reputation and I've already been kicked out of the Starbucks down the street." The girl nodded and slid a $10 over the table. Saffron took out a pack of cards from under the table and started to shuffle them with an obvious ease.

"You need to split the pa- sorry what was your name?"

"Jen"

"Sweet, split the pack please Jen. Now, is there a particular question you need answering?" Saffron inquired while Jen split the pack in front of her. Saff chewed on the skin around her nails as she glanced around her, she had a feeling something was about to happen – and she wouldn't like it. Convincing herself she was being paranoid, she turned back to Jen and started to arrange the cards facing up on the table.

"Is there anything you can tell me about-"

"Saffron Victoria Page!" A pint-sized woman with her hands on her hips and interrupted Jen's question for the cards. Saff rolled her eyes, she had a feeling this would happen.  
"Are we using full names today, Buffy Anne Summers?" she retorted, hoping Buffy would just walk away. No such luck.

"You said you'd stop doing this tart-y thing for money! You know how dangerous it is out here past sunset and I can't keep following you around while there's a whole campus to patrol!"

"Buff, it's Tarot. You know I can handle myself! We live on the same landing, we've lived in the same house for years, you don't need to treat me like I'm some kid!"

"You're my little cousin, Saff!" Buffy replied, not entirely sure that Saffron could in fact handle herself but she wouldn't dare tell her that.

"I'm a few months younger, Buff!"

"It isn't safe, you remember there's danger of the bump-y forehead variety" Buffy half-whispered.

"I think I'd better go…" Jen spoke up for the first time since Buffy burst into the coffeehouse, as she quickly made her way to the door, not looking behind her. Saffron rolled her eyes again as she moved to gather up the cards she had started to lay out, then smiled as she noticed something, "Well, at least she left the money behind" she commented with glee as she pocketed the crumpled $10.

"You already have a job and go to college, I don't understand why you insist on doing this"

"Hobby, I guess" Saff shrugged, slipping on her jacket as she followed Buffy out of the café, gripping her precious deck in her hands.

_ **xoxoxo** _

"_Shit,_ that's a lot of food, Buff" Saffron said as she stared around what used to be Giles' kitchen.

"What?" Buffy looked around confused, as if the vast amount of pots and pans with vegetables at varied degrees of cooked was the norm. "If you're not going to help, go and keep Xander company" she shooed Saff out of the way.

She sat across from Xander and Anya, the latter was watching Xander with concern, her brow furrowed as she applied the wet towel to his forehead. Xander gave her a weak smile as she thoughtfully twisted one of her silver rings round her finger. She was fond of them both and admired their love for each other, secretly hoping she would have something similar one day although she would never admit it to anyone.

"Saff?" Buffy interrupted her thoughts, "Are you okay with having the Thanksgiving dinner but without all the meat-style foods?"

Anything that will save you using any more of Giles' pans, and it's not as if I'm that big of a Thanksgiving fan; English remember? We don't really celebrate" Saffron replied, silently wishing she wasn't always the odd-one out. Wouldn't eat meat and didn't come from the same country as the majority of her family.

"What!? Did uncle Ted never make you thanksgiving dinner?"

"Dad didn't really mention it, only joined the tradition after they- after I started living with you and auntie Joyce, she always makes a big effort" Saffron instantly regretted her wording, realizing this was why Buffy was going to such lengths to make dinner 'perfect'. But Buffy didn't answer, she just went back to stirring the pie mixture.

Talk quickly turned to the Chumash tribe, which even more quickly turned into a heated debate about the ethics of both thanksgiving and what to do with the tribe. Saffron had sympathy for Will's argument but didn't have chance to speak up as a loud thud, followed by knocking on the door piqued her attention.  
She looked around, everyone else was split into their own conversations and Buffy was frantically mixing her pie filling in the kitchen. Saffron went to open the door, although a weird feeling was telling her to be cautious, she swung it open to reveal a familiar bleach-blonde vampire covered in a ratty old blanket.

"Help me!" Spike said, Saff reacted quick and stamped on his foot with her combat boots before stumbling inside the doorway so he couldn't get to her, "Ow, what part of 'help me' do you not understand you bitch" Spike howled as he hopped outside the doorway.

"Oh, it's you. You can't blame me for that, Spike you're not exactly invited" Saff sighed as she itched at her neck subconsciously. Everyone else had noticed Spike was at the door now, and Buffy came rushing over with a stake.

After convincing Giles and Buffy to let him in, Spike sulked in the corner of the room tied with rope. He glared at the Scoobies who all were staring at him uneasily, except for Saff who decided to pretend he wasn't there at all.

"Alright, Honeysuckle?" Spike smirked as Saffron sighed but wouldn't look at him. "Don't be like that, love" he continued before Xander glared at him from his position on the couch.

"Leave her alone" Xander warned, "you've hurt her enough" Spike only laughed, smirking as he continued, "It was only a sample, she's sweet _and_ sour like a honey-" he didn't manage to finish before Buffy punched him so hard he fell backwards in his chair.

"Don't you dare speak about her like that again, or you'll be dust before you finish your next sentence" Buffy warned. Spike didn't reply but nodded once to suggest he understood as Giles pulled his chair upright again. Saffron started to feel conscious of her movements, as if he was only watching her. Spike put her on edge and she definitely wasn't his biggest fan after what happened on parent-teacher evening a couple years ago, an event that often reappeared in her dreams since that night.

_Saffron gingerly held a plastic cup full of the worst punch she'd ever tasted. She was new to American High schools and couldn't believe she would have to stay within these corridors for another two years when she'd already finished high school back home. "Parent-teacher night" she thought bitterly as she watched Willow wheel Auntie Joyce towards the computer rooms for the longest tour of Sunnydale High in history; no parent would be coming for her tonight. She was grateful for Joyce though, and her cousin. She watched Buffy telling the principle any excuse about her mother that she could think of, and Saff nodded along in the right places. Snyder muttered something about being able to tell they were related, both cut from the same delinquent cloth, as he stalked away with a plastered smile on his face for the parents._   
_Suddenly all hell broke loose, a group came crashing through the windows of the high school and creating chaos as those who were already outside rushed towards the exits. It was Spike. Saffron looked around realizing she was by herself, Buffy had disappeared along with Joyce who had reappeared from her tour just in time to see the group enter. Saffron knew instantly what had arrived in the halls of the school, Buff had revealed her identity soon after she had arrived in Sunnydale and Giles was giving her basic training in case she was left alone. Which she now was. That's when Spike grabbed her from behind and dragged her towards an abandoned classroom._

_"And who have we got here?" He leaned in as he said each word._

_"Saffron. And you're Spike"_

_"My reputation precedes me" he smirked._

_"Don't flatter yourself, I saw you at the Bronze the other night. You told my cousin you were going to kill her" Saffron stated, sounding a lot braver than she felt._

_"The slayer has a cousin? An English cousin?" Spike questioned in disbelief, before shrugging it off, "Interesting. This might be even more fun than I thought" He suddenly grabbed her by the hair and pulled her through the corridors as she struggled against him, while he shouted loudly to get Buffy to face him. He stopped abruptly and faced Saff. He grinned knowingly and held her by the waist, Saffron was frozen in place. Locked inside his eyes. He leaned in slowly towards her neck, she shuddered as he lingered there, to her surprise a soft kiss landed on her neck. She jolted in confusion, before all at once feeling a sharp pain shoot down her neck and through the rest of her body, she heard Buffy's voice faintly, then black…_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Saffron looked down at herself, unsure about her outfit. She was supposed to be going out, which she felt like she hadn't done in ages, what with the string of apocalypses ruining her nights out. Once again she found herself putting her night on hold because Giles had called asking for her help. Naturally, she went straight over there in a hurry, as she was expecting a crisis. Her usual styling of jeans and a band t-shirt were replaced with a denim skirt, laddered tights and a black halter top under her fake leather jacket. Her idea of 'dressing up'. She still wore her usual silver jewellery and her reliable combat boots, she wasn't the biggest fan of heels; especially as she was usually running away from some big demon when she went out at night. When she entered Giles' house, she noticed nobody else was there, only Giles who had let her in with a frown as he noticed the cigarette in her hand.

"I do wish you wouldn't smoke those things, Saffron. They are not good for you at all and you need to be in good shape in our particular, um, field of work" Giles commented, whilst cleaning his glasses and shaking his head.

"And I do wish you wouldn't speak so proper, G." she mimicked, "You're a real British stereotype, you know that? I also know that you used to smoke when you were younger so you can give up on the little speech" she continued as she flicked the cigarette outside. "So, what's the deal?"

"The… deal?" Giles looked confused

"Yeah, the deal. The situation. Why did you call me over here when I'm so clearly going on my annual trip to the opera?" she emphasised her point by gesturing towards her outfit. Giles smiled at her humour, he did like Saffron and although she wasn't much like Buffy, he still saw her as close family. He knew she wasn't going to be keen on what he was asking of her though, and usually he wouldn't ask especially after what happened last time Saffron was left alone with Spike.

"You want be to babysit Spike?!" Saffron asked, shocked.

"It would only be for a few hours, after which Buffy and I will have returned. I just need you to ensure he doesn't break anything, I can't leave him here unattended" Giles explained.

"Fine, but you owe me big, G." Saff said after an overexaggerated sigh. She wouldn't really mind looking after the apartment, if anything she was honoured he would ask. The problem was Spike. After closing the door behind Giles, she knew she had better go and check that Spike was still chained to the bath. She grabbed a stake and held it in an exaggerated way as she walked into the bathroom.

"You come back to finish the job, honeysuckle?" Spike asked without looking at Saffron, who had stopped in the doorway.

"I only stamped on your foot a little, can you blame me after everything?" Saff replied, lowering the stake from above her head as Spike sat and appeared to be considering what she said.

"Way I see it, we're even then" he shrugged casually.

"You tried to bite me Spike, I don't think we can compare the two!" she raised her voice as her hand rubbed against the side of her neck. Spike looked away, seemingly bored with her outburst before looking back to take in her outfit, "You all dressed up for me, love?" Spike arched his eyebrows suggestively.

"N-no. I was supposed to be going out but now I'm stuck here with you" she tried to snap, as she smoothed down the denim skirt down before lowering the toilet seat and sitting herself on the edge furthest from spike. He chuckled at her discomfort, before saying, "Don't worry, pet. Silver linings and all that, Passions is on later!"

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron looked down at the end of her cigarette, before flicking ash into Giles' white bathroom sink. Spike stared longingly at the cigarette she had been smoking as Saffron smiled and blew her last breath of smoke his way.

"Tsk, tsk, I don't think dearest Rupert will appreciate you setting fire to the place" Spike called over, knowing she had done it on purpose.

"I think he'd be fine with it as long as you were part of the blaze" Saffron replied quickly. Spike turned to face Saffron, looking right in her eyes then slowly over looking at the rest of her face and over her body.

"All sour tonight then, honeysuckle? Don't really suit you much"

"Who said I care what you think, Spike?" Saff rolled her eyes as she took out her Tarot deck and started to shuffle. She decided to do a two-card spread for herself, she closed her eyes as she split the deck and balanced the cards on the side of the sink. This was the moment Spike decided to scoff loudly, which in turn meant Saffron knocked her cards over the bathroom floor. She cursed Spike and wished she had left the room before shuffling the deck. As she moved to pick up her cards, she noticed that only one out of the whole pack had landed face up._ The Lovers._ Saffron looked up and met Spike's eyes, they both lingered there for what felt like hours. She shook her head and began to turn back to the mess of cards on the cold, tiled floor of Giles' bathroom. Saffron believed that there were no true accidents and this card was trying to tell her something, she just wasn't sure what. She didn't have much time to think about this further as she heard the front door unlock and she quickly packed up her deck and made her way out of the bathroom to meet Giles, ignoring Spike's calls for her to turn on the telly. She stood in the hallway, crossing her arms and Giles walked in with a big stack of books, which was probably the extent of his plans for the evening.

"Did you sort everything? Where's Buff?" Saff asked, looking through the open doorway for her slightly older cousin.

"Oh yes, I have a lot of research to be getting on with. She has gone to the Bronze on the promise that she will be doing a late patrol afterwards."

"The Bronze! That sneaky b-" Saff stopped herself from saying something Giles would definitely disapprove of, "That sneaky Buffy!" She amended as she grabbed her jacket and left, saying her goodbyes to Giles and almost sprinting out of the door and all the way to the Bronze.

When Saff eventually got there the first person she saw was Willow and she was drinking a beer. She smiled at the red head as her eyes widened when she realised, she had been spotted by Saffron. Saff slowly walked over, crossing her arms and shaking her head, as Willow looked down at her shoes.

"As if you started drinking without me, Will!" Saff laughed as she eventually stopped her act and started smiling again and the red head smiled back and took another sip. Saffron recognised she was doing this since she was hurting because of Oz but decided that a night of carefree drinking was probably what she needed. Saffron went and got herself and Willow a beer that they mostly drank, before they stashed the bottles under Will's coat at the table that Willow said the rest of the gang had been sat at. They continued this for a while until Saffron decided it was time to dance. She smiled and extended her hand to Will, a flash of pink sparkly nail polish visible as she made a joke of asking her to dance with her. Willow agreed, fuelled by alcohol and the will to be happy, as she followed Saffron onto the dancefloor where she tried her best to follow Saff's movements. Saffron was not what you would call a good dancer, but she at least looked cool enough to get away with her movements which she had been trying to teach to Willow subtly but eventually gave up when she noticed Willow seemed to be having a good enough time anyway. That was when they noticed the rest of the gang and Saff smiled and sat herself down next to Anya, complimenting her hairstyle which made Anya bob her head around and beam. The conversation soon turned to Willow's changed attitude and eventually a lecture on her drinking.

"Back off guys, we're in college! Let her drink herself into forgetting you-know-who and let me finally have someone fun to actually drink with" Saffron theatrically whispered you-know-who and put her hand next to her mouth as if Willow would be saved from hearing anything because her mouth was hidden. She abruptly ended the conversation, which was turning into a confrontation, by grabbing Will's hand and leading her back to the bar to replace their beers which had spilt all over the floor. She was determined to give Willow a good time, even with the disapproving stares of Buffy and the others from the other side of the Bronze.

xoxoxo

Saffron woke up with a groan as she realised she was not in her own dorm room. She was curled up on the floor in between Willow's and Buffy's bed. She yawned as she sat up and tried to flatten down her chestnut coloured hair, which was usually tied up and out of her way, but she had apparently lost her hair ties the night before. The other two were still asleep so she decided to walk to the bathroom which she knew was only down the corridor. She sleepily walked into the shared facilities and stumbled right into a funky looking wiccan circle, knocking over a bunch of red candles.

"Is nothing sacred in Sunnydale?" she said out loud, smiling at her own joke, then sighed as she stepped over the wrecked circle to splash some water on her face and freshen up. When she returned from down the hall, Willow had woken up and was sat on the end of her bed brushing her hair and looking a little hungover.

"How are we this morning?" Saffron asked playfully as she swallowed some aspirin and grinned at Willow, who only groaned in reply. "Buffy was right last night you know, it will take time, but that heart will heal" Saffron concluded, as she put her hand over her own heart.

"You told Buffy to stop being a boring-Buffy when she said that last night"

"It was the booze, Will! But don't tell her I said she was right; I'll never live it down" She whispered loudly as she glanced over at her still sleeping cousin.

"Anyway, refresh my memory, did we find you anyone to replace Oz last night?" Saffron asked, playfully but regretted her words as soon as she said them. She could feel the sadness rolling off Willow in waves as she didn't reply. "Sorry Will, I know the relationship thing can be hard" Saffron amended.

"You have the entire campus trying to go out with you, Saff. You should have a sign-up sheet on your door" willow said as she sighed, pitying herself and her heartbreak over Oz.

"I can't help being irresistible!" Saff grinned at Will, both knowing Saffron didn't have that much confidence in herself "Thing is, they only ever want a cheap shag, babe. It's not the same thing" She replied, not realising that Willow's will was already at work.

Saffron spent another hour listening to Willow's thoughts about Oz and her frustration with her lack of success with her spells and then she decided it was time to leave and get herself dressed before she needed to make her way to her shift at the second hand bookstore on the outskirts of Sunnydale. She couldn't be late again, the miserable owner was already annoyed with her for taking Tarot readings on quiet shifts, which is why she had started hiding in the back of coffee shops to give readings. Saffron was walking down the steps towards her dorm when she bumped into someone, she paused to apologise but got interrupted.

"Will you go on a date with me, Saffron?" The stranger said looking up at Saffron with a nervous smile, as if the answer to his question was the most important thing he would ever hear. Saffron was flattered, she asked for the cute blonde's number and said she would call him soon. The poor guy looked like he was going to faint in surprise as he rushed off to tell a jealous-looking group of friends. Saffron had barely walked a couple of steps along the corridor before she was interrupted again.

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Saffron, I think I love you" A young woman said in a sweet and sincere voice, as she rushed up to Saffron presenting her with a single rose. Saff cautiously reached out and took the pink rose and smelled it, whilst the girl gazed at her with a face that Saffron could only describe as lovingly.

"Hey, how about a coffee before we start professing our love, yeah?" Saffron smiled as she tried not to upset the sweet girl who had come on way too strong. Her brown eyes seemed to sparkle as she nodded enthusiastically at the idea of coffee. Saffron said her goodbyes to the girl and managed to walk around the corner to her corridor. When she turned the corner the sight before her filled her with dread.

"Has someone died?" Saffron questioned in horror as she saw a mountain of flowers outside a dorm room, before inspecting the shrine more closely and realised that it was the entrance to her shared room. This confused her, and she worried about her roommate, but as she got closer it made much more sense.

She looked down to see several shiny boxes of chocolate in heart-shaped boxes as well as a large collection of love poetry in different handwriting that had been written on a stack of ripped out pages of notebook paper._ 'The spice of my life, the passion in my heart…'_ She read, quickly flicking through the stack of juvenile poems, as another page posed _'Saffron, Saffron you set my heart aglow…'_ She rolled her eyes at the poems and waded through the bouquets to open her door. She was relieved to get back to her room but stopped dead in the doorway as she was greeted with rose petals, balloons and about thirty stuffed toys that she had never seen before all around her bed. She knew something was wrong, but all she could feel was this strange fluffy feeling of genuine love and care all around her. She decided she would drop in and ask Giles about it after work.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had hoped that everything would be okay when she got to work, but that was not the case. On her walk to work, Saffron had received 21 people saying 'I love you', as well as 36 separate people asking her on various kinds of dates. The most ridiculous had been one guy asking her on a date to explore the ruins of her old high school, which she quickly declined and told him she'd prefer something less hellish. He laughed and told her that her sense of humour is the reason he loves her. She was no longer amused by the events of the day and desperately wanted everyone to leave her alone. Saffron started sprinting the rest of the way to work to hide amongst the books. To her horror there was a crowd, including a lot of faces she recognised from UC Sunnydale, forming around the usually deserted book shop as she made her way inside. The crowd buzzed with excitement as she brusquely walked past, she heard a few whispers asking their friends if they thought they had a shot with her. It was one of the most surreal things, and Saffron had grown up in Sunnydale. She lasted only ten minutes behind the counter ringing up books before she had to lock herself in the back room, so she didn't have to face anyone else. She dialled Giles' number and tapped her turquoise nails impatiently on the wall as she waited for him to pick up.

"Giles, someone has cursed me! Everyone is hitting on me"

"Really, Saffron now is _not_ the time to be bragging, I am hardly impressed"

"No! Giles! This one's a Sunnydale special for sure, it's some kind of bloody love curse! I'm hiding in the stock room at work can you come and get me?"

"Well, ah, that may not be at all possible as I cannot see"

"You can't see? Giles, what do you mean?"

"I'm, ah, rather blind"

"Stay where you are, I'll just have to face my suitors" She ordered as she slammed the receiver down and without any explanation to anyone, she ran out of the shop and all the way to Giles' house.

By the time she had actually arrived at Giles' house it was pitch black. She had had to hurdle a lot of people to get there and that had slowed her down, which filled her with worry for Giles as she struggled with the door in her haste before letting herself in. She rushed into the living room to see Giles rubbing his eyes as Buffy kissed Spike passionately in the corner. Wait, Buffy was kissing who?

"What in the _fuck_ is going on today?!" Saffron shouted in disgust as she couldn't take her eyes of the unlikely pair who hadn't stopped kissing despite her outburst. "Is the whole of Sunnydale one big bloody love shack?" Saffron screeched louder as Giles didn't know what to say. Buffy had finally stopped for air and noticed that Saff had arrived. She reluctantly moved from Spike's lap and stood in front of Saffron holding both of her hands in her own. She looked up at her younger cousin with the biggest smile on her face as she announced the coming wedding to the love of her life, eagerly awaiting Saffron's blessing.

"You know you're supposed to _slay_ vampires, not shag them, right?" Saffron asked slowly emphasising the word slay so that her cousin might realise what a big mistake she's making. Buffy pouted and looked at her shoes, and Saff could feel a cold sensation of disappointment like she had been punched with it in the stomach, making her instantly feel horrible for her words but there was no way she could encourage this. Whatever the hell it was.

"I know it might take a bit of getting used to, but I really think this will work" Buffy stated, self assuredly as she looked for a hint of anything positive on Saffron's face. Saffron was not convinced, and Buffy replied, "I guess I will have to ask someone else to be my maid of honour then…" as she dropped Saffron's hands and went and took her seat back on Spike's lap.

"Don't listen to her, love. She'll come round, you know she will" Spike assured Buffy as he stroked her cheek lovingly. Saffron just stood and stared at the pair, they really seemed to be in love and it was scary.

At that point, Anya and Xander burst into the room in a panic about all the demons that had been following them around. During this time, Saffron went to sit next to Giles and rubbed his shoulder to try and give him some sense of comfort and she could feel a small niggle of fear that he was hiding well from the others. Xander was just as horrified at the engagement as everyone else as he struggled to comprehend what was happening in front of him. Xander eventually realised that he had heard Willow say that Spike and Buffy might as well get married at the same instance as Saffron remembered their hungover conversation that morning.

"She told me I was a demon magnet and you two should get married."

"And that I didn't see anything."

"Yeah, she said the whole campus is trying to go out with me, I'm just glad there wasn't some big campus-monster making me it's bride" Saffron added, as everyone just looked at her blankly, "What? It's Sunnydale, that sounds like the most obvious outcome"

_ **xoxoxo** _

The gang managed to fight off the demons long enough for Willow to reverse her will. Saffron was beyond relieved when she could walk back through the campus without having a sonnet recited to her by some love-sick college student. She had to admit she liked the attention at first, but after that it got tiring. There was only so many ways to let someone down easy, and she had burned through all of them in the first hour. Saffron was outside of Giles' house, which seemed to be her second home at the moment, as she finished her cigarette and thought about her life in Sunnydale. It was so different to anything she had experienced in England, and in a way, she felt grateful for having met Buffy and the others. However, a part of her longed to have her life back in England, or at least for the time in her life where she could see her parents again. Saffron's thoughts were interrupted as the door opened and the smell of freshly baked cookies mingled with the smoke of her cigarette, and her cousin's head popped out of the door.

"You coming in? Willow's baked more apology cookies"

"Just give me a few more minutes" she replied with her back to Buffy as she raised her hand to wipe away a stray tear that she hadn't realised had been falling. Buffy frowned and walked out of the doorway to stand next to Saffron. She looked at her cousin with concern as she took the burnt out cigarette from her hand and disposed of it and asked what was wrong.

"I was just thinking about England and-and my parents" Buffy could barely hear the end of Saffron's sentence as she started to sob, "I know it's been years Buff, but I can't help wondering what my life would have been if nothing had changed" Seeing Saffron be so openly vulnerable with her reminded her of the grieving, timid girl that had first moved in with them years ago. Buffy wished there was something she could do to change it, but all she could do was be there for her cousin. Despite their usual disagreements they had always had an unspoken bond that they both had felt since the moment they had first met.

"What happened was _not_ your fault, you know that right?" Buffy asked as she moved to hug her cousin. Saffron hugged back, tighter and thanked Buffy for everything, not answering her question, "Maybe we should get inside before someone asks for your hand in marriage" Buffy joked instead of leaving them in silence, and Saffron smiled despite herself.

"I don't think Auntie J could take it if there was a second engagement announced this week" Saffron smiled as she wiped the last tears from her eyes with the sleeve of the grey hoodie she was wearing. Buffy groaned at the thought of her and Spike as they both walked back into the house to grab any cookies that the Scoobies had hopefully left for them.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Saffron and Willow had just left Riley and Buffy to have some time alone after the psychology class they had just had. Saffron really enjoyed learning about psychology, but she got a strange vibe from the professor who taught the class. Almost as if she could feel her intentions.

"If you're making me go to this witch-stravaganza you're gonna have to let me smoke beforehand" Saffron warned as she pointed at Willow with her cigarette between her fingers. Willow scrunched up her face and stood facing away from her as she lit up. "I'm so glad I can stand on campus without a queue of people trying to ask me out" Saffron laughed and took a long drag of her cigarette, as Willow grimaced remembering the spell she had cast that had affected her friends in different ways.

"Do I have to start baking more cookies?" Willow turned to face Saffron, although still at a distance to avoid the smoke.

"Of course not, Will. At least I know why I pulled the lovers out of my tarot deck, for a moment I thought-" Saffron cut herself off and physically shook her head to get rid of the thought as she quickly finished her cigarette and discarded it in a nearby bin. Willow looked at her confusedly but didn't ask what she meant. Saffron adjusted her trademark ponytail and started to twist the silver ring on her index finger between black painted fingernails. They walked back into the main building towards the meeting area for the Wicca group, as Willow started babbling about her hopes for the group eventually casting spells together. Saffron respected witchcraft and knew that it was very real especially as she had been the brunt of many spells gone wrong, but she just didn't see the need to practice herself. Most people did mistake her for a wicca when they realised she read tarot cards, but to Saffron that had been something that was always a natural part of her life and had nothing to do with casting spells. She didn't know who was more nervous, her or Willow as they walked over and sat down in a circle with the group of girls. They all stared at Saffron as she sat down and joined the circle, her ripped jeans and punk t-shirt made her stand out in the group and she could feel a slight heat rising to her face when she noticed they were all scrutinising her before she had even opened her mouth. One of the girls started speaking then, and as soon as she started talking Saffron knew she wanted to get out of this meeting as soon as possible. She rolled her eyes and slouched back in her chair as someone started droning on about a bake sale.

"Who left candles dripping all over my woman-power shrine?" One piped up as Saffron started to listen to the conversation again and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at their comments as these girls were playing at being witches. They should call themselves an 'empowerment' group and move on. One of the members caught her eye roll and spoke up, "There's also the issue of negative auras and habits affecting the group" she said pointedly as she smelled the air in an over-exaggerated way.

"It's just a bit of smoke. You're telling me you don't smudge your dorm with sage? Rookie error, babe" Saffron replied as she sat up in her chair, giving Willow an apologetic look as she stood up for herself. The girls all looked uncomfortable at her mention of a staple Wicca practice tied to magic which made her even more confused that they called themselves a Wicca group.

"Perhaps we might show some interest in spells you know, as a Wicca group" Willow piped up, taking her chance to try to introduce the idea of casting spells. The others started to make fun of what Willow suggested which started to really annoy Saffron as she could have sworn, she could almost feel Will's disappointment herself.

"Well maybe we could-" a quiet girl spoke up and Saffron noticed earlier that she had seemed to sit up straighter when Willow mentioned real magic. She had dyed silvery hair which Saffron really liked and she seemed to want to back Willow up, so she smiled at the girl encouragingly.

"Yeah Tara? Guys quiet." The rude girl that seemed to be in charge made a scene of embarrassing Tara into not speaking up. This was the last straw for Saff as she stood up and pointed at the girl who had embarrassed the girl that they had called Tara, "You. I will hex your entire fucking family if you do not let this girl speak" they all winced at her cursing, including Willow, Saffron had always had a reputation for her harsh tongue. Maybe swearing sounded harsher in an English accent.

"Oh yeah, a hex, we're like _totally_ scared" Another member of the group spoke up sarcastically.

"And you," She turned and faced the girl that had spoken, "If you don't stop banging on about your women-power shrine instead of actually supporting other women I will personally make sure that your lemon bundt cake will never rise again" Saffron made weird hand-movements as if she was casting a spell before storming off to light up another cigarette in the courtyard. Willow looked around nervously at the others who all looked appalled, but as she met Tara's eyes she noticed Tara was smiling at her and she couldn't help herself smiling back.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had slept soundly that night but when her alarm started to blare loudly in her ear, she found it much harder than usual to get out of bed. She looked down at her over sized grey t-shirt and her plaid pyjama pants that hung loosely on her as she tried to sit up in bed. As soon as her eyes had opened, she was hit with this suffocating feeling that she couldn't understand. It was as if there was a large amount of pressure pushing down on her and she felt as if she feared something, but she couldn't understand what. She felt horrible but decided to set about applying her makeup, which took a lot more effort than usual as she found she had to concentrate much harder.

Saffron's usual shiny brunette hair appeared dull and coarse and when her grey eyes scanned over her face it looked sunken and much paler than usual, even though Buffy often joked that her skin tone hadn't caught up to the Californian climate. She had prominent dark circles around her eyes although she had slept well. She was sat at her desk which she turned into a vanity table in the mornings to apply her makeup, although today her normal routine was interrupted abruptly when her roommate, Hayley, slammed the door shut and she rushed in moving her mouth as if she was trying to scream. Saffron felt her scream as if she had been slapped across the face and she physically winced before she tried to ask what was wrong. But nothing came out of her mouth as she started to ask. Hayley burst into tears and silently sobbed in the middle of their shared room before Saffron managed to go over and put her arm around her to try and comfort her.

Her roommate had jet-black hair, that hung just above her shoulders and was naturally curled. Her face was peppered with freckles, and today, tears as she held onto Saff who didn't know how to comfort her without her voice. Saffron was confused, although she kept trying to speak and it felt like it did when she usually spoke, no noise was coming out of her mouth. She decided it must be some kind of Hellmouth shit and she needed to find Buffy and Willow as soon as possible. She tapped Hayley's shoulder to indicate she needed her attention. She grabbed her notebook and a Biro and quickly wrote, _'Stay home today, I think it's that virus going around'._ Hayley sniffed and brought her pink sleeve up to her eyes to wipe away any stray tears and nodded as she lay on her bed on the other side of their room. Saff didn't know if Hayley had bought her excuse but maybe she needed to hear someone give a simple explanation. She waited a while until Hayley seemed to have fallen asleep in her bed after she noticed that the sniffling had stopped for now, she ran down the corridor and up the steps and frantically knocked on their door. It swung open and they were both there, obviously as confused as everyone else.

Saff mouthed the word '_Magic?_' at Willow to see if this could be some kind of spell. She shook her head and shrugged, indicating it wasn't one she had heard of. Buffy looked at her cousin, noticing something wasn't right. Her face was as white as a sheet and she looked very tired, she decided to keep an eye on her as the big cousin. She hugged Saff while Willow waited her turn and moved in to hug her. They sat in silence for a while, the worst part for Saffron was that it gave her too much time to think which meant she was lost in her own thoughts before she was brought back to the present by Buffy waving her hands in front of her eyes. They had decided that their best bet would be to make their way to Giles' to stay together as a group and try to find some answers.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Everyone was gathered in Giles' living room. Xander had even brought Spike over to join the rest of the gang as they tried to silently figure out what was going on. Giles had hugged each of the girls as they walked in to try and comfort them. Saffron appreciated the gesture and was suddenly really grateful for Giles as the father-figure in her life. She moved her hand to his arm and squeezed it to say thank you before she moved away from his hug and further into the crowded living room. She sat herself in the corner of the room as Xander leaned in to turn up the volume on the tv.

"News from Sunnydale, California. Apparently, the entire town has been quarantined, due to an epidemic of, as strange as this may sound, Laryngitis. It seems the town has been rendered unable to speak. There's no word yet what might have caused this or what other effects might be seen." Saffron switched off as the presenter continued to talk, she felt numb with the fear as the feeling had been so strong all day.

She felt completely drained and moved to put her head in her hands as it felt too heavy on her shoulders, "We'll bring you more on that as it develops" the reporter concluded as Saff started to lift her head up, she felt another wave of fresh fear run through her, she tried to stand up because this feeling was making her feel ill and then, just as she had shakily got to her feet, she completely blacked out in the middle of Giles' living room. The whole room was panicked, as Xander and Buffy rushed to pick Saffron up and lay her on the now vacant sofa as everyone had sprung up when they saw her drop to the floor. Spike, who had been stood at the back of the room out of everyone's way had been enjoying the panic from everyone until he saw Saffron fall to the floor. His brows furrowed in concern, and he couldn't stop himself from moving a step forward as he saw her fall to the floor. He realised that he was showing too much concern, so he leaned back against the door frame and let the others pick Saffron up. He crossed his arms over his chest, although he didn't take his eyes off her as she lay there. He didn't understand why he felt the way he did about her, there was something different about her. He had felt it since the moment they had met on parent-teacher night but for the most part he tried to avoid thinking about it.

Saffron eventually came back around, Buffy noticed first as she had been knelt in front of her cousin's spot on the sofa. She helped her sit up and went to get Giles to show him that Saffron was awake. Willow and Xander both looked up as they saw Saff slowly sit up, they rushed over and tried to show their concern silently as Saffron looked embarrassed that she had fainted in front of everyone. Giles came and sat down next to her and handed her a glass of water, she crossed her legs to make herself more comfortable on the sofa as she silently apologised to him. He put a hand on her shoulder to show that they were all just worried about her, before moving back to his desk. She felt slightly better as she finished her glass of water and started to look around the room to see how things were going. Everyone seemed pretty dejected, Xander was sat on a chair staring up at the ceiling, with Anya sitting in front of him on the floor, filing her nails. Willow was looking through Giles' bookshelf, but she seemed really distracted as she passed another volume to Giles who was busy reading through a large pile of books to try and figure out who the gentlemen were. Giles' Scouse lover was busy in the kitchen, probably staying out of everyone's way, as Buffy walked in from another room to check on her cousin. Spike was slouched on a chair opposite the sofa Saffron was still sat crossed legged on, his eyes were on her while she was scanning the room and their eyes met when she made her way to see what he was doing.

He made a slight movement with his head, as if to motion her to follow him. Saffron just stared blankly back at him and he rolled his eyes before getting up and walking out of the room anyway. Saffron didn't know why she got up, especially considering their past and Spike's indifference when she had mentioned he had almost killed her; but before she knew it, she had made her way to the hallway where Spike was stood playing with the lighter in his hands. He silently offered her a cigarette and she took it while they walked to the front door and stepped outside. Spike didn't know why he offered her that cigarette, he knew she smoked, and he had hated to see her sad. No, he didn't care about any of the Scoobies, he tried to convince himself again. He debated himself the entire time they were stood there together as he was not able to say something hurtful to her that would put his mind at ease. Saffron was deep in thought as well, although it was not so much about Spike's gesture. She had told herself she would build up the courage to ask him why he would bother when he had only ever tried to kill her before, that was if they ever got their voices back; but she had been more concerned with the recent feelings she had been having and the blackout. She had been affected by different emotions a lot more lately, and this worried her. Saff's head was still aching from the fear that was surrounding her, and she was willing herself not to blackout in front of the others again. They both smoked together, in silence, until it was time to go back inside.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The deserted lecture room had been taken over as Scooby HQ. While Giles set up the projector as the others gathered in the seats, still spooked about not having their voices. Anya had settled in with her popcorn and was excitedly chewing as she waited for the show to begin, her fascination with chaos still alive since her vengeance demon days. Xander was staring at the front as Giles knocked over his pile of acetate slides and struggled to put them all back in the correct order and Will was writing in her notebook. Buffy had her arms crossed impatiently as she waited for the presentation to begin, she was ready to slay the gentlemen and get her voice back. She was also impatiently waiting for her cousin to arrive, she hadn't managed to speak to Saff about what happened at Giles' because, well, none of them could speak. It didn't stop her worrying about her cousin though, as nothing like this had happened before.

Saffron opened the door so wide that it slammed on the wall and echoed around the room, making everyone jump at the sound, she shot an apologetic glance around the room before descending the stairs. She quickly ran down the steps to sit next to Anya, giving her a small smile while she put her hand in Anya's bag of popcorn and took out a massive handful. Anya liked Saffron because she spoke her mind more than the rest of the Scoobies, she could understand her easier, so she let her take the popcorn without argument. Half of it went over the floor as Saff tried to fit the popcorn from her hand into her mouth by tipping her head back awkwardly. The others stared at her with their mouths open, except Anya who didn't think anything of it, and Giles who was busy setting up. She winked at them all and tried to grin like she usually would, although it looked more like a grimace. Saff then shifted her position in her chair and stared at the screen as Giles started his presentation about the Gentlemen. Their faces creeped Saffron out, even in cartoon form and she started to bite the skin around her fingernails subconsciously as she thought about one of them trying to take a heart. The image in her mind had become too graphic and she had started bleeding, she rolled her eyes when she noticed and locked her hands together to try to stop herself from showing her nerves. She felt drained from the fear that was surrounding her and she had started to get another headache, as she struggled to concentrate on the slideshow. It had felt as if Saff had simply blinked and then the presentation was over. She had her orders to help research with the others whilst Buffy patrolled, but she felt numb now as she was so tired from feeling what seemed like everyone's fear as well as her own.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was wearing her favourite leather jacket, it was so worn she was surprised every time she put it on that it didn't disintegrate in front of her eyes. She had got the jacket the week she had moved in with Joyce and Buffy in Sunnydale, Buffy took her shopping and they had bought each other something they thought the other might like. Saff was sat in the corner of Giles' living room, with her legs crossed under her and a book balanced on her lap. She had barely moved since they had got in, except to occasionally turn the page, and Spike seemed to be the only one that had noticed. His eyes hadn't left her form since she had sat down in the corner of the room and he couldn't help noticing that her usual glow had drained from her face and her eyes were glazed over as if she wasn't really in the room with them. His eyebrows furrowed in thought as he considered what this meant for him, before he shrugged and sauntered into the kitchen to grab a mug full of blood. He changed into his game face as he thirstily gulped down the thick, red liquid. Saffron looked up as he changed and couldn't help but stare as he continued to drink. His ridged forehead and fangs made him look animal-like and emphasised his dangerous nature. It still fascinated her though, to see him like this so close and not need to run for her life. She couldn't stop staring, and she briefly noted that he still seemed vaguely attractive even with the bumpy forehead but shook that thought out of her head as she reached to the mark on her neck where he had bit her years before.

While Saff was still staring, her right hand was hovering just over the side of her neck, as Xander burst into Giles' living room. Without missing a beat he had run straight at Spike and started punching him. From her seat in the corner, she had realised that Xander had thought that Spike had bitten Anya, and she smiled to herself fleetingly realising that Xander truly cared for the ex-vengeance demon. Saff didn't think, she just ran and rugby-tackled Xander as Anya had been tapping him to try and show him that she was okay but with no luck. Saffron had landed on top of Xander and Anya quickly rushed in to pull her off him with a glare, before Saffron put her hands up in surrender to show she only meant to stop him from hitting Spike. Anya accepted this and quickly turned her attention to Xander, where they kissed passionately, Xander shrugged at Spike as a sort of apology as Spike rolled his eyes and Xander went back to kissing Anya, who then suggested they go and have sex before they ran off hand in hand. Saff couldn't help but smile despite the way she had been feeling as she adored the couple and was genuinely happy that they were together. Spike had been watching Saffron closely since she had stopped Xander from hurting him, he was surprised that she would do that, and he tried to stop himself from feeling a small glimmering feeling of something suspiciously close to hope rising in his undead chest. He watched her smile with a slightly bemused look on his face and wondered why the boy and his bird going off for a shag would make her so happy.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Saffron was relieved to hear that Buffy had killed the Gentlemen. She had never been so pleased to hear the loud neighbours in the dorm next door before, although her relief it didn't last long. Hayley was walking around carefree as if nothing had happened as she skipped out of the dorm, waving and breezily saying her goodbyes to Saff, who had been doing herself a Tarot reading on her bed. She had felt much better since everything had returned to normal, and she had wondered whether the way she had been feeling meant something big. She didn't want to involve Giles or anyone else in case what she was feeling wasn't real, another Sunnydale trick.

She had pulled the page of cups from her deck, she closed her eyes and visualised what the card meant to her. She knew the meanings behind each card, but she often waited for further hints before she tried to decide for herself. _The Page of cups is asking for you to trust your intuition, there are intuitive messages all around you. These messages may affect your emotions and the way you view those around you. There shall be a big change in the way you feel about yourself and others. Wider connections on many levels can and will be formed._ The voice in her head was her own, although she knew what she was thinking came from somewhere else. She knew she needed to trust the cards, and the messages they brought.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4:_

The neon sign buzzed and left a red glow in the room, it was late but Saffron picked up her cup of coffee that she had left too long and it had gone cold. The flashing neon light from outside reflected around the dimly lit room as she wrapped her fingers around the cup, her painted nails matched the red glow of the sign. Saff took a sip of her coffee despite the temperature but screwed her face up in annoyance as she swallowed the cold liquid. She rubbed her eyes to try to get rid of her tiredness; she was so exhausted, but she needed to try to figure out what was going on with her. She had decided to come to an internet café to do some research. She wanted to figure out why she was feeling the way she was, so she decided that google might have the answer. She had tracked through different sites, there was so much information to read through she wish she had the help of the others, she really didn't know how Giles did it. Nothing she read seemed to explain why she had fainted and felt so horrible. She had always felt things more than others, but she had never felt things as much as she had recently. She knew she was connected to everything on a deeper level, especially since she had been using tarot cards. But she had never considered that she was different from normal, she had grown up with Buffy after all. Saff sighed loudly as she tried to consider what to do next, could she be different? What did this mean? She decided to take a break from the screen and fished in her pocket for her green lighter, lit up her cigarette and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and looking out of the large front window into the night.

"You can't do that in here." The annoyed night shift worker shouted at her from across the room as he folded his arms across his chest. He had broken the silence in the room, and Saffron had forgotten that he was there. All she had heard for the last three hours were the clicking of keyboards from the few others in the internet café. The spotty teenager was taking his job way too seriously considering he was probably on less than minimum wage. Saffron rolled her eyes, took another puff of her cigarette to spite him, and dropped the end into her cold cup of coffee. She exhaled in an over-exaggerated way as she looked him directly in the eyes, before turning back to the computer monitor in front of her. She had been there another hour before she decided to give up for the night, she started to log off and pack up her bright yellow notepad and fluffy flamingo pen that she had brought to do her serious research. She chucked the notepad and pen into her bag and took out the wooden stake that Buffy had kindly gifted to her. She briefly glanced out of the window into the street whilst deep in thought over what she had just read, before she looked down to grab her leather jacket from the back of her chair. She looked back up suddenly, she could have sworn she had seen a glimpse of a shadowy figure behind a cloud of smoke but there was no one out there when she looked back.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Buffy and Saffron were walking towards the latest café Saff had chosen to do her readings in. Buffy had insisted on walking her through the streets of Sunnydale, Saffron had originally complained that she didn't need babysitting but secretly she felt a lot safer walking around at night with Buffy by her side. They had walked in silence through the campus, but as they got closer to Saff's café of choice for the night, Saffron felt like Buffy wanted to speak about something.

"Come on, Buff. What's on your mind?" Saff asked as she put her hands in her jacket pocket to protect them from the cold night.

"Huh? Just thinking, no big" Buffy tried to shrug Saffron off but she knew that Buffy wasn't being honest. She stopped on the pavement and waited for Buffy to stop and look back at her.

"Come on, Saff. I need to go and patrol" Buffy crossed her arms and tapped the toe of her boot.

"_Come on_, Buff." Saff attempted to mimick in a horrible American accent, "Not until you tell me, you know you can tell me anything"

"Riley is a commando" Buffy sighed.

"Like no pants? _Ever?_" Saffron didn't understand why it mattered, but she thought she should check why it was bothering her.

"No, he's one of the G.I Joe commandos that have been de-fanging our vamps" Buffy explained to Saffron, she could be so smart sometimes but could come across just as ditzy. They kept walking towards the café as Saffron was satisfied Buffy was talking to her properly, it was almost as if she could tell when Buffy was being honest. Buffy explained how she and Riley had discovered each of their identities, and how they now didn't know whether to be together because of the danger "So, we both exploded the gentlemen, but we tried to talk today and… nothing"

"Maybe you should just have a passionate shag and make with the talking after" Saffron shrugged at how Buffy's eyes widened as she mentioned her having sex so casually, "Buff, they don't all go evil and start killing people or worse, start hooking up with new people the next night" she laughed as Buffy sighed, which seemed to be all she did at the moment. They had arrived outside _Nell's Diner_ which Saffron had carefully selected from the last remaining places that would let her stay long enough to do at least 4 readings. She wouldn't stay long tonight though; she was leaving to go to Xander's later to meet him and Willow before they went to check out the museum to look for any information on the word of Valios.

"I better go, do you need me to circle back and walk you to Xander's?"

"No thanks, but you can come in for a coffee with me? We don't chat like we used to, I've missed you telling me stuff before everyone else" Saffron asked, kicking herself mentally for sounding like a little kid when she asked Buffy to stay. Buffy did seem to pause before answering, as if she wanted to stay with her cousin.

"I should really go, more freaky cereal boxes to memorise" She said as she pulled out a stake and Saffron gave her a confused look but didn't want to ask. Buffy smiled and hugged her cousin, something they rarely did just to say goodbye. "You never said what happened when you were fainting-girl, you ok?" Buffy whispered while they hugged, Saff didn't know how to answer this and nodded before breaking their hug and turning to enter the café, without looking back. She would feel guilty telling Buffy everything that had been going on in her mind, especially as Buffy always has so much pressure on her as it was. Saff decided she could handle everything herself for now. If she had turned back to see Buffy's genuine concern, she might have broken and spilled everything, but she didn't.

Saffron turned to the door and slipped through it, hoping to avoid attracting attention as she swiftly found a booth at the back of the diner where she started to set up her tarot cloth on the sticky table. The red vinyl squeaked as she adjusted her sitting position and took out the deck from her pocket. The staff in there didn't seem to mind what you did in the 24 hour diner, as long as you were buying the crappy coffee, and Saffron respected that but felt better only staying for short amounts of time in case a manager decided to walk in and kick her out again. Saffron had ordered her coffee from the kind looking elderly waitress before turning back to the cards and shuffling them well. Her many silver rings stood out under the fluorescent lights and her long, painted nails were a sky-blue colour tonight as she laid her palms flat on the table and closed her eyes, trying to focus herself and ignore all the background noise of the diner.

Saffron had done three readings before she decided she should pack up and meet Xander after his shift at the pizza place. She was hoping he would bring back some extra slices like he had last week, praying silently to the Gods that it wouldn't be pepperoni because she wouldn't even touch meat unless she really had to. Before she got up to leave, Saffron pulled out her yellow notebook that she had started to use for her own private research, giving herself a rare moment to collect her thoughts and decide what to do about everything she had been feeling. Saffron had already written about the precognitive feelings and messages she had experienced since she was a child, her mother had encouraged her to channel this into using the tarot cards to practice her ability. Saffron hadn't been completely honest to anyone in Sunnydale about the tarot reading and the voice that guides her readings, but Buffy had noticed that Saff was often accurate when she had done her readings before. She thought about this as she flicked to the new pages, she had written about based on the internet search results she had found at the internet café earlier that week. One word kept circling her head like a tornado, it made her dizzy to think about._ Empath._

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was leaning against the front wall of Xander's family home as she heard an argument raging over blaring music from the upper level of the house. A glass smashed against a wall as she felt a fiery heat rise in her chest and she stood there steaming with unexplained anger with no apparent reason for feeling this way. She hadn't noticed that her hands had been balled into tight fists and her knuckles were white. She released her tensed jaw as Xander and willow walked up to her, trying to smile convincingly with the bubbling anger still raging inside of her. They frowned when they saw her face but Saffron continued to smile a little too sweetly to convince them she was okay. Xander heard the argument coming from his home and looked embarrassed as he indicated them to follow him down to the basement where he had been living reluctantly with his bleach blonde hostage. They walked into the basement room where the scene before them shocked Saffron, as she watched Spike try to stake himself, but miss and break Xander's coffee table. Saffron rushed over to Spike who was just lying there on the splintered wood and rolled him over, noticing he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and beige shorts.

"Is this really the outfit you want to die in?" saffron asked looking him up and down scrutinising the horrible combination of what he had on.

"You were trying to stake yourself" Willow said, shocked. Saffron looked back down at Spike and seemed to him to have genuine concern on her face, before stepping back to stand next to the other two and filling his chest with disappointment. As Xander offered to do the staking for him, Willow insisted that they bring him with them to the museum and Saffron just stared at the ground listening to them.

"You said yourself, honeysuckle. I look bloody pathetic" he motioned at Saff as she rolled her eyes at the name he called her, and Spike motioned at his hideous outfit, "I mean, am I even remotely scary anymore? Tell me the truth" he said as he walked up to the girls with his hands up, as if he was a cartoon vampire.

"No" Saffron replied simply at the same time as Willow started to babble about his outfit making him less scary to try and make him feel better. Spike slumped his shoulders, feeling pathetic as Xander walked him through the doors of his basement promising an apocalypse if they couldn't find anything on the word of Valios.

They started the short walk to the museum that was only lit by sparsely placed streetlights, Saffron was convinced they put less lights on the street on purpose to make everything in Sunnydale seem creepier. Spike wasn't doing his usual saunter as he still felt a bit put out that the girls didn't find him scary, he kept glancing over to Saffron as they walked next to each other in silence, her hands in the pockets of her black jacket. She seemed to him to be in deep thought. Willow and Xander were walking in front and of them and babbling away to each other about anything and everything that they could think of, trying to include Saff here and there but she mostly gave one word replies. He frowned but put his hands in his own pockets and continued to walk with the Scoobies in silence. Spike was right in what he had observed, Saffron was thinking about what she had discovered about herself.

Her emotional state was influenced by any sudden emotional change around her and she was struggling to keep up with feeling lots of different things. She remembered back to what she had seen online, _'Empathic emotions can be hard, if impossible to control especially if in direct physical or emotional contact with others.'_ She thought back to how angry she had gotten just by Xander's family arguing near her. Why had she felt it all now? Could she make it go away or was she feeling like this for a reason? Saffron only had questions, not answers and they were spinning around her head so fast that when she felt a jolt of fear from Xander and Willow in front of her, her head started to pound and she had to steady herself against a fence before she could carry on with their journey. Spike had been watching her carefully the whole time and could see that something big was wrong, but he knew he couldn't ask. He decided to put a hand on her shoulder, he wanted to comfort her. She looked at him, confusion on her face as she squinted from his hand to his face. No, you don't bloody care he told himself as he dropped the hand he had on her shoulder back to his side so fast it was as if he had burnt it on her shoulder. Willow and Xander had only seen an animal rooting in a trashcan, but they were expecting a demon to pop out because it was after dark. They looked back and laughed with relief but stopped as they noticed Saffron leaning against the wall and Spike looking awkwardly at her with his arms rigid by his side.

"Hey there SP, is bleach boy bothering you?" Xander pointed between her and Spike with a protective look on his face, he had always been fond of her and seen her as his own sister, as he used the name he usually called her.

"What was he gonna do, send me bad vibes?" Saff struggled out as she rubbed her head and shakily stood up without the help of the fence.

"Hey!" Spike said as he crossed his arms over his chest and sulked.

"You don't look good Saffy" Will worried as she stepped towards her.

"I have a headache, just need some tablets when I get back in and I'll be golden, babe" Saffron said firmly as she started walking towards the museum. The others paused and Willow and Xander shared a look before they followed her down the road to where the museum was.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The four of them walked out with nothing new on the word of Valios, and no one had done much talking apart from Spike winding Xander up as they walked around. Saffron hadn't said much although both Xander and Will asked her if she was okay on the way round. Spike was distancing himself from her because of the moment of concern he had shown and because of the way she spoke about him. He was still sulking and missed the time where he sent fear through the spines of the Scooby gang.

"So I'm one step closer to melting in a sea of molten hellfire?" Spike asked hopefully after Xander complained that their time at the museum was pointless.

"You'll adjust"

"Adjust? And what? End up like the lot of you? No, thank you"

"Here it goes" Xander rolled his eyes.

"We can't just leave him here to stake himself. It's not right."

"I should think you would be glad to greet the end of days. I mean, neither one of you is making much of a go at it. Kids your age are going off to university. You've made it as far as the basement. And Red here, you couldn't even keep Dog Boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but-"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow up, Spike. You're what? Over 100 and you need to insult us to make you feel better about your own shit" Saffron interrupted him, annoyed with how he was making her friends feel, whether he had shown he can be comforting or not.

"He wants us to stake him" Will whispered to her as Spike turned to face Saff.

"Oh, and the less said about you, honeysuckle, the better. The sad little orphan running around after big cuz, sitting in her shadow and holding her jacket as she saves the world, again" he sneered, colder than he had with the others, "You should have let me bite you when I had the chance, pet" He managed to meet her eyes as she looked back at him, her face was blank as she was hiding how he had upset her and he felt his heart twinge with something that felt new to him: guilt. "Buffy doesn't need you, she doesn't need any of you. You're all just the same tenth-grade losers you've always been and she's too much of a softy to cut you loose" He finished as he stalked off, impressed with himself that he's still got it in him to be bad, but that small hint of guilt swept through him as he walked along the streets.

They had been back to Giles' as he had discovered that they were trying to open the Hellmouth again with their ritual. They knew they would have to go back to their old high school. Saffron didn't want to go back to the ruin but she knew she had to come with the gang, despite what Spike said to her earlier. Spike had upset her, but she knew there was something almost kind there sometimes but maybe it was her nature to see the good in everyone. As they arrived at their old school, and the entrance to the hellmouth, Saffron felt a strange feeling when she walked through what used to be the corridors.

_She walked through the empty corridor of her high school, her long brunette hair had been curled and it hung down to her waist. Saff was walking back from doing research in the library and on her way back to her home so her auntie wouldn't worry too much. She had her favourite black dungaree dress on with her backpack hanging on one shoulder as she hurried out of the school. She had been in a bad mood all day and couldn't explain it, nothing that anyone else had noticed what with all the research they were doing to try to defeat Angelus. She turned a corner, almost at the front door now, when a figure in a black veil, the kind a bride would wear, floated in and stood right in front of her. Saffron just stared, not sure whether to run back to the others in the library or not, she really did not want to have to deal with some bride of Frankenstein's ghost. She wanted a bubble bath and some of Auntie J's hot cocoa with the veggie marshmallows she had bought in specially for her. As she started to move around the figure and go past them, a beautifully manicured hand reached out and their dark red, sharp nails dug into her arm to stop her in her path. The hand was ice cold, which made the hairs on the back of Saffron's neck raise. They lifted her veil with the other hand to reveal Drusilla's pale face, her cheeks were stained with mascara as if she had been crying._

_"Miss Edith has been whispering to me, you know. She says you're a naughty, naughty poppet. You're stealing him. Why are you stealing him, poppet?"_

_"I-I really don't know-"_

_"My Miss Edith invited you to the tea party but no one was home. The poppet is taking what is mine, when she had her picking of the whole table. All that cake waiting to be eaten, but now the maggots have it and she has my prize"_

_"I haven't taken anything from you, please believe me" Saffron begged as she started to panic, her arm was bleeding from Drusilla's grip and she knew it was a matter of time before Dru smelt her blood, if she hadn't already._

_"Naughty poppet, grr" Dru growled and clawed her hand, as she changed into her game face, "She says it's the only way to save my Sp-" Drusilla had been cut off by a roundhouse kick as Buffy had come up behind them and Saff, who had been released from Dru's grip started to run but Drusilla grabbed her long hair and pulled her backwards._

Saffron remembered that moment with scary clarity as they walked through the wreck of the old school, she also remembered cutting her hair shorter after that. She subconsciously adjusted her ponytail as she followed the others towards where the library used to be.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The arrived in the library to find the three demons that were performing the ritual. They all started to fight, with Buffy taking the lead. Saffron watched as two of them ran at Buffy and, without thinking twice she grabbed a plank of wood and hit one of them as hard as she could to get its attention off Buffy. She then panicked briefly as the demon walked towards her menacingly, before attempting to fight with the basic skills Giles and her cousin had taught her. Spike noticed Saff was not winning the fight she was having and ran in to punch the demon as hard as he could, expecting a massive pain in his head as he knocked the demon out of focusing on Saffron. Instead, he noticed something that excited him.

"No pain. I can hurt a demon!" Spike beamed and started beating the demon up properly, "I'm back, and I'm a bloody animal! Yeah!" He beamed as he threw the demon into the hole, much to Buffy's annoyance and Saffron's amusement, although she was still upset with him after what he had said about her. Riley turned up as the others ran out of the building as it was about to go down.

"About time you showed up, commando" Saffron winked at Riley knowingly as she ran past to get out of harms way. Riley looked shocked and didn't know what to say before he ran to help Buff. They worked together to stop the final demon from sacrificing themselves while the others impatiently waited in one of the sturdier corridors. Saff started to bite the skin around her nails with nerves as she waited for Buffy to return, she had complete faith in Buffy but she always worried about her. He looked over to the others and smiled at them as they waited.

When they both appeared in the corridor finally and Saff smiled at them both as Riley looked a bit uncomfortable that she knew his identity. She smiled even wider as she realised and watched as he made up ridiculous excuses to the others.

"You were just passing by in your GI Joe outfit?" Xander joked.

"No offence, but you do look wicked conspicuous" Willow agreed.

"I do? Paintball. Yeah, I was playing paintball." Riley tried to convince them and Saffron couldn't help but giggle as Riley stared hard at her.

"So, you're one ofthe commando guys, huh?"

"Oh, no, no, no. Commando? No, I mean-"

"He means yes" Saffron laughed at him, he was the worst agent she had met, and she was about to tell him that before Riley noticed Spike stood behind her.

"Do I know you?"

"Me? No. No, sir. I'm just an old pal of Xander's here" Spike continued in a horrible American accent that made Saffron snort loudly that she tried to pass off as a cough. They all went their separate ways and Saffron was relieved that the others now knew about Riley too.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Saffron had on a black slip dress and fishnet tights that she had predictably paired with her combat boots, her shiny hair kept moving in front of her face as she tried to concentrate, she had left her hair down for once and it had been annoying her all afternoon. She was balancing on a ladder while she tried to fasten a birthday sign in the college rec room they had borrowed for the evening. There were streamers and balloons lying all over the floor that she still had to put up as the others were sat on the floor trying to plan out the best way to get Buffy to come later that evening.

"You know, this would go quicker if you lot helped me" She called down to Xander, Anya and Willow.

"I don't want to, I find it very boring" Anya said plainly as Xander gave her a look.

"Fair enough. Willow?" Saff pleaded, "Is there no magic you could do to make this quicker?"

"Sorry, Saffy," She shrugged "The magics need to be respected, I can't"

"Yeah and the streamers would probably turn into live snakes at midnight" Xander added unhelpfully and Saff laughed as Willow frowned. Saffron had been happier recently as there hadn't been any fainting or feeling ill. She had been ignoring the research she had piling up on empathy under her bed and had been focusing all of her attention on the big surprise party for Buffy. She hopped down the ladder, finally content with the placement of the sign as she started to attach balloons and streamers to the walls and ceiling. It took her a while and guests had already started to drop in before she had finished.

They had decided that Willow would pretend there was a big demon in the rec room and they needed her help. Saff had made a big point of saying that if it all went wrong she didn't want to be involved in their plan. Willow seemed to take a long time as they all waited in the dark to surprise Buffy. Saffron felt nervous about the party, she had put a lot of effort into it because she knew Buffy hadn't had the best luck with birthdays in the past and she needed the distraction. Buffy ran in as Saffron and the others all jumped up to surprise her. Saff was relieved when Buffy smiled at their outburst and walked over to greet her friends. Giles had arrived a little before Buffy had, and Saffron had been pleased as she wasn't sure if he would show. Music had started playing and Saffron danced around the room casually checking in with people she recognised. Anya and Xander had left Giles on his own in the corner and Saffron walked over to greet him.

"Thanks for coming G" Saff smiled at him warmly, "Wouldn't be the same without you"

"Well, I, um, yes I am happy to come and celebrate" Giles smiled at Saffron's affection.

"Giles! Having a good time?" Buffy had walked over with Riley in tow, "Hey, Saff you remember Riley" She motioned at him as Saff smiled politely. Giles was shocked to hear that Buffy was dating Riley and Saffron noticed that he was feeling a bit embarrassed and left out as he was handed a slice of cake. Another man, who had a very similar look to Riley walked over who Saffron didn't recognise. Riley and the guy greeted as if they were brothers and Saffron watched them interact closely. Riley noticed Saff watching them and introduced them as Buffy continued talking to Giles on her own.

"Saffron, this is Miller. Uh, Graham Miller" Riley caught himself calling Graham what he would in the initiative.

"Hi there Miller, Graham Miller" Saffron winked and shook his outstretched hand as if she always greeted people like that, when in fact she rarely shook hands with anyone.

"Thanks for the introduction Riley" He laughed nervously as he looked at the girl he had just been introduced to, he found Saffron very pretty and he didn't know what to say to her.

"It was very cool, like James Bond. Maybe you should become a secret agent or something" Saffron joked but did so to see if he reacted to what she said. She suspected he was in the Initiative as well, mainly because he looked too clean cut and collected but perhaps she was being paranoid. He didn't show any emotion but he quickly changed the subject.

"Do you study here?" He asked as Riley moved back to stand beside Buffy. Graham hadn't taken his eyes off Saffron since she had been introduced and wanted to continue the conversation.

"Yep, can't escape good old Sunny D" She laughed as she took a big sip of her alcoholic drink and drained the cup, she had a strange wave of nerves wash over her as she felt like she wanted his approval, "Oh look, my cup is empty, would you like to get me a drink?" she asked playfully as he smiled, about to reply before there was a faint beeping in his back pocket.

"Of course, doll. Maybe we could meet up tomorrow night and I could buy you a coffee or something" He smiled hoping she would agree, she was intriguing to him. She seemed different from the other girls he had spoken to since he had moved to the town and not just because she had an unusual accent. Her cheeks were tinted pink as he had called her doll and he wrote down his number on her hand quickly before he rushed towards the door.

"It's a date then" Saffron smiled sweetly as she watched him leave. Saffron didn't know what had come over her, she wasn't usually _that_ overt when she flirted with people. He had kind eyes and she couldn't help finding him intriguing. Buffy gave her a knowing smile from across the room and Willow had given her a thumbs up as she continued to enjoy the party.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had been nervous all day, she had called Graham and asked what time he had wanted to meet, he had said he would meet her in the centre at 8p.m. Saffron had taken all of her clothes out of her wardrobe and had thrown them all over the floor as she had tried to find an outfit for her date. Hayley was so excited for her when she found out she was going on a date, she was almost bouncing off the walls of their shared dorm. Hayley was always bubbly and kind to Saff and they got on well although she wasn't aware of what really goes on after dark in Sunnydale. This was refreshing to Saffron though, as they could talk about normal things like who had stolen their socks from the laundry room. She ended up wearing a borrowed pale pink wrap dress from Hayley, and she had done her makeup softer than usual to match. Saffron hadn't worn anything that wasn't a dark colour in a long time, but she decided she wanted to try something different; much like she was by going on this date.

Saffron walked through the streets from her dorm, the night was cool and refreshing and she was deep in thought as she walked towards the fountain where she had planned to meet Graham. She felt herself full of nerves as she thought about things to talk to him about. _Living on a Hellmouth? No, probably not. Being related to a slayer? No way. Vampires? Definitely no-_

"Well, well what do we have here?" Spike smirked, interrupting her conversation with herself, as he slowly raked his eyes up and down her body. He had never seen her wearing anything like it. He appreciated the way the dress clung to her curves and looked at her with wonder as he noticed that she looked a lot softer and more girly, and he was surprised to note that it looked good on her but he definitely preferred her usual look.

"Not now, Spike" Saffron snapped, as she tried to walk straight past him. His reflexes were a lot quicker than hers, and he stepped directly in her path.

"Why are you in such a hurry, pet? You look as sweet as honey" He purred as he alluded to the way she tasted all those years ago, but in reality he wanted her to stay and talk to him.

"I'm late for my date, Spike. Just move" She ordered tiredly, sick of him always turning up and making comments. Her response had come out a lot angrier than she had anticipated, and she could feel an anger bubbling inside her that she wasn't sure was her own emotions or not. Spike's chest dropped at her words, his jaw tensed and he stared hard as he took in what she said. He shrugged and tried to convince himself he didn't care as he grabbed to light up a cigarette for something to do with his hands. Saffron walked round him and this time he let her, as he stared after her as she hurried towards where she had agreed to meet Graham.

Spike waited until she was out of eyesight, before he started to follow her from afar. Just to make sure the guy wasn't some big bad, he told himself, he would never hear the end of it from the Slayer if her cousin got eaten by something nasty and he'd just let it happen. He was hiding in the distance as Saffron finally arrived at the fountain where she smiled at a tall guy that Spike recognised but just couldn't place him. He rolled his eyes at the clean-cut guy as he realised why she was dressing like that, to fit in with him. Spike couldn't escape the thought that he wanted her to dress up with him in mind, not this prat. He scoffed and started to turn away, before he caught her leaning up to kiss the man on the cheek. Jealousy bubbled inside Spike and he wanted to hit something demon-y as soon as possible.

Graham smiled when he saw Saffron walking over and offered his arm to her as they walked towards the café linked together.

"You look beautiful, if you don't mind me saying, doll" Graham broke the silence as Saffron went pink to match her borrowed dress.

"Thanks, mate thought I'd try something new" She broke from his side and twirled in her dress with a dramatic flare to try to prove she wasn't embarrassed. In reality, she had been checking her reflection in every window they passed as she was not used to wearing something so bright and form fitting. She silently cursed herself for saying the word 'mate' hoping he hadn't noticed and would try to slip in a lie that it meant something else in England.

When they arrived at the sweet little café, Saffron got a strange feeling like she wasn't supposed to be there. She shrugged it off as Graham pulled out a seat for her at the table they had chosen. She smiled and thanked him, not used to the gentleman routine, as she sat opposite his seat. They looked at each other and shared a brief silence before they both laughed and started to chat easily about their days and what they had done the previous weekend. Saffron had had to edit her story quite a lot, as that weekend she had helped the others defeat a cult of vampires who had been sacrificing virgins to a Vampire deity they called _'The One'_. She didn't realise that Graham had also changed a lot of his story, as he had been tracking the same cult, only when him and his team had got there everything had mysteriously been taken care of. They had laughed and talked for all of about twenty minutes before they were rudely interrupted.

"_You!_ I thought I told you not to show your face here" The greying old woman pointed a flabby finger at Saffron and waved it around. Her eyes seemed to flash red with anger and steam appeared to be pouring out of her ears as she had spotted Saffron from where she had been stood behind the counter.

"Can't a girl get a drink without being harassed in her favourite coffee shop?" Saffron tried not to insult the miserable old crone that stood before her as if she owned the place, which, to be fair she actually did. Saffron could feel the fiery emotions crackling like electricity, angry electricity, as she tried to figure out how to explain this to Graham.

"You aren't just drinking coffee though are you, hun? You're selling your soul to Satan every time you come in here. I've seen you, you evil witch!" The woman's voice got higher and higher as she got red in the face from shouting at the young brunette.

"Hey-" Graham started to stand and defend Saff, but she cut in before he could carry on.

"Calm it, you old trout. I'm gone, okay?" Saffron sighed, glancing apologetically at Graham as she grabbed his hand, and lead the way out of the coffee house. She noticed the anger disappear as they had walked up the street and away from the coffee place.

"Sorry about that, I must have been kicked out of that one" Saffron wouldn't meet his eyes. He stared at her, shocked and only slightly impressed.

"What for?"

"Probably taking readings" She shrugged, deciding to just come clean.

"Readings?"

"Yeah, um, Tarot. Just something my Mum used to teach me, like a hobby" Saffron rushed out, knowing Graham must think she was ridiculous. He didn't really have anything to say to that, he hadn't ever believed in stuff like that as he was a very science-led guy. But since working for the Initiative his mind had been opened, even a fraction. And that's why he did what he did.

He turned to face her as they stood on the corner of the street, he looked down into her grey eyes, that he decided looked like they sparkled like frost on a winter's morning, as she finally looked back at him. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and leaned back, a little embarrassed.

"Wh-what was that for?" She stumbled over her words, trying to steady herself. She hadn't expected that.

"You are just full of surprises, Dollface" He mused, he stood there as if he was trying to figure her out at that very moment. She was so different from him, more chaotic but he had been in awe of her since they had met. She had made him laugh and she already knew Riley who seemed to get on with her. He wanted her to be his, but he was too much of a gentleman to presume anything more than their date. Saffron was the first to break their eye contact as she felt a sudden chill, she started to mention going back to her dorm, and Graham gallantly offered to walk her to the door as she accepted.

"So, should we do this again? Maybe somewhere that you're not gonna get us kicked out of?" Graham laughed, as she cringed slightly.

"I'd really like that" She replied genuinely as she leaned up to kiss him as he turned his head to face her and caught her lips. The kiss was pleasant and short as Saffron pulled away and ran up to her dorm, turning behind her to wave before she was out of his sight.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The next morning Willow, Saffron and Buffy were sat around a table in the college canteen, they had decided to have brunch to catch up on everything. Buffy wouldn't stop smiling and Saffron couldn't help smiling too, she could feel the happiness like rays of warm sunshine, and it was infectious.

"I like pancakes cos they're stackable. Ooh, and waffles, cos you can put things in the little holes if you wanted to"

"What's your position on omelettes?" Saffron asked, jokingly. She ate a forkful of her own omelette as she laughed when Buffy started to answer, after considering it for a few minutes.

"You should always have a new boyfriend" Willow replied happily, "You're so much fun right now"

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in last night, Will. Where were you?" Buffy inquired as Saff dug into her brunch.

"The chem lab, by myself." Willow said quickly and this made Saffron stop eating abruptly. She could feel that Willow was lying, she couldn't explain how but she just knew it. She looked up in confusion as Will continued, "I was trying this new spell, floating a rose, when all of a sudden, zing, zing, zing. Like, all around the room. It was like a rose-based missile"

"Shit" Saffron replied to her story, still staring at Willow and wondering why she would lie, and more importantly how she knew that Will was lying.

"I know. I think there's something out there" She continued as Saff nodded, having felt it herself last night when she had bumped into Spike. Rage and power.

"I'll tell Giles about it. Or maybe I'll tell Maggie. She seemed interested in the mystical side of the demon-hunting biz"

"Tell Giles. He's feeling a little hurt right now. Neither of you showed last night"

"Sorry kids, I had a big date" Saffron winked and fanned herself theatrically.

"Ooh! How did it go?!" Buffy asked her cousin excitedly.

"Well, it was a short date. Lots of laughing and then we got slightly kicked out of the venue. But it ended in some light kissage so, overall probably one of the best dates I've been on"

"You were what!?" Buffy looked horrified

"It's cool, Buff! There was kissing he wasn't put off me" Saff moved her hand as if to swat a fly as Buffy still looked mortified about her cousin being kicked out of a café. Willow had been listening to Saff patiently and smiled when she heard that she'd had a good date and laughed fondly when she heard she had been kicked out. Typical Saffron. But she needed to ask Buffy about why she hadn't told Giles about Riley. Buffy had decided she was going to make it up to Giles, said her goodbyes to the others and went to meet Riley for their day together.

After Buffy had left, Saffron turned her attention back to Willow and wondered how she should go about asking about the lie.

"Why did you lie?" Saffron blurted out. _Great, subtle._ Willow turned to look at her with a mouth full of waffle and a frown on her face. She made a noise through her mouthful that seemed to ask her to elaborate. "When Buff asked where you were, you looked like you were lying" Saff watched as Willow went red and her eyes darted around the room. She was about to open her mouth and say something to Saffron, and Saffron could feel that she was scared which puzzled her more. However, before she could say anything Xander rushed in shouting about a massive demon that had woken him up that morning.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The whole gang had assembled and had decided to find Giles, as he would know what to do about the demon that Xander saw. Saffron had a strange feeling of dread as they walked up to the front door but kept it to herself as she listened to Xander describe what he had seen that morning. They got to the door to find it was off the hinges and everything in the usually immaculate room was trashed as if there had been a struggle. Saffron just stared at the room, concerned that there was something much more to the story.

"Oh, God, Giles"

"OK. There's a demon and Giles is gone. But it doesn't mean that he's hurt. I mean, there's no blood anywhere, so maybe the demon just took him somewhere."

"Yeah I mean maybe he's tracking it or he's out and the demon used his place for a wicked house party" Saff tried to think of possibilities when all she could feel was this anger she had felt earlier along with this influx of power.

"I think it ate him up" Anya cut in, as she held up one of Giles' ripped up shirts. They sat down in silence after this, all of them worried sick. Soon after Buffy delegated research tasks to everyone as Xander described what he saw. They were all looking through books when two men ran through the doorframe where the front door used to be and into the centre of the room.

"Riley"

"Graham" Saffron and Buffy called at the same time.

"What are you doing here?" They spoke in unison and looked at each other before turning back to their respective commando. Saffron walked over to Graham and put her hands on her hips, hoping for an explanation. "So you're one of them soldier boys I've heard so much about" She stated, not asking him. Graham looked at her in shock as she knew his identity then looked over to Riley who was talking animatedly to Buffy about the whole initiative being able to find Giles.

"I guess I am" Graham smiled, not sure what this meant for either of them.

"We help Buffy get rid of, what is it you call them again? Hostiles? So your secrets safe with me" Saffron reached to squeeze his hand and smiled reassuringly as she felt relief pour from him. In fact, this revelation made Graham want to get to know her more. He had always resenting keeping so much a secret from his past girlfriends, although he cared too much about protocol to ever tell anyone. But this time, with her, it was different. She had already found out. He wasn't as love-blind as Riley was, their relationship was very new after all, but he could definitely see himself with her in the future.

"Thanks, princess. So, how about we meet up again and talk through it all after this is over?" Graham asked, as Saff scrunched up her nose at his nickname for her.

"Sure, as long as you never call me princess again, Commando"

"That's a promise" Graham laughed as she saluted him and Riley went to catch Graham up on everything that he knew about Buffy and the others.

Buffy and Riley had gone to the magic shop to figure out who could be controlling the Fyarl demon. About an hour after they had left, Graham had started to pace. He had felt out of his depth when Riley explained everything, but something made him stay. Someone. He got a radio call to come to a motel across town and he slipped out of the door frame as the phone rang and Saffron picked it up.

"Rupert Giles' residence, how may I direct your call?" Saffron put on her most stereotypical English accent, it made her sound like she was from the South of England like where Giles was from. The others giggled despite their worry as they waited to hear who was on the other end.

"It's Ethan Rayne. We're going to deal with him now, stay where you are" Buffy spoke hurriedly and she put the phone down before Saffron could reply.

"It's bloody Ethan Rayne" Saffron rolled her eyes, "Why do all these English twats have to come over here and start playing at evil mastermind"

"Uh, Saff? You're English" Xander pointed out.

"Yeah but do you see me running around in a cape and summoning freaky demons to rampage around the Hellmouth?" she sighed as she looked around for Graham, only to realise he had gone. She really didn't like Ethan, and she felt annoyed she couldn't punch him herself.

_Her chestnut coloured hair had been put into an elaborate up-do with small plaits woven throughout her hair. She had on a tight, blood red corset and a black leather skirt that she had paired with her combat boots that were becoming her trademark. A black, lacy choker was fastened around her neck and she kept on her usual silver chains and rings. She ran her tongue over her new fangs, and felt her forehead with her hands, her nails were so long and sharp that she felt like she could claw someone's eye out with one wrong move and this made her laugh. They had been painted black, and her skin was porcelain white, noticeably paler than her usual skin tone. Her lips had been painted dark red, as she smirked and ran a hand down her body before stalking out into the night. She could smell the fear and chaos around her and it made her smile with intent as she walked, cat-like through the streets to find her prey._

_"Honeysuckle" He purred with a smirk on his face that they were alone together. He had been expecting some hint of fear or a scream as he stepped out from the shadows, but he didn't see any reaction from her, except a knowing smile. His chest lifted as he saw her smile and wondered why she would gift him this moment, before thinking back to Drusilla. You love Dru you bloody nit, he told himself. She walked up to him slowly, swaying her hips seductively as she reached out to stroke his cheek, he grabbed her wrist before she made contact with his face. He frowned when he couldn't feel a pulse and looked up at her with confusion, studying her face intently._

_"Are you-"_

_"Yep, I'm one of you" She smirked as she changed to reveal her fangs and her ridged forehead._

_"Who?" Spike asked, with an edge of jealousy in his voice before he dropped her wrist and turned from her. He wanted to know who had turned her. She ran her hands up his chest, and slowly past his neck and held them on each side of his cheek. She didn't answer his question, she had other things in mind._

_"Let me show you how I really taste, Spike" She whispered seductively, as she leaned in close. There was barely any space between them. She leaned up and passionately kissed him and he returned the kiss with equal passion as he brought his hands to her waist. He was enjoying the kiss but realised that he was supposed to be with Dru. He pushed her off him and held her at arm's length._

_"I don't think so, love" Spike tried to play it off that he hadn't wanted to carry on that kiss. Saffron shrugged, seemingly not bothered about the rejection as she moved from his grip._

_"Someday soon you will feel the weight of your eternity and miss the way I could have made you feel. I'll see you in your dreams, Spike. Do I feel the same?" She swaggered off, leaving Spike to stare after her as he touched his lips where she had kissed them._

_"I think I should kill something now" Saffron told herself as she walked around looking for something human-y to bite. Luckily, they had all returned to normal soon after that._

As much as she had dreamed about the day that Spike had tried to bite her at school, she had equally dreamed about the night she had become a vampire on Halloween. She had been so confident it scared her, and she convinced herself that the kiss was a result of the spell that had been cast by Ethan. Spike had also thought about that night since, and the words she had spoken to him often found themselves in his head.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Nell's Diner was quieter than usual, it had been a slow night. She was sat twisting the rings on her left hand as she told herself she would wait another ten minutes before she would give up for the night. Saffron had made about $5 after all the coffees she had bought that allowed her to stay in the café. She lit up a cigarette distractedly as she thought about how she had caught Willow in a lie and now she seemed to be avoiding her. She exhaled and sighed as she decided she would have to talk to Willow, maybe apologise for trusting her stupid gut feelings over her friend. She rubbed her left eye as it had started to water from the smoke as she looked up to see a blurry, leather-clad vampire stood in front of her.

"Either pay for a reading or get out, you're scaring away my customers, Spike" She said coldly, as she dabbed at her eye with a napkin. Spike looked around at the empty diner and raised his eyebrows at her. He sat down with a loud, exaggerated thud and reached into his pocket. "Spike. I said-" She cut herself off as Spike took out a crumpled $10 and chucked it on the table. "Do me" He smirked cockily. She rolled her eyes and took a drag of her cigarette, taking her time. She really didn't want to spend time with him, not only had he been rude but he had also tried to kill her and her friends, multiple times. Still, she reached for the battered note and pocketed it quickly. She kept smoking as he watched her closely.

"God, what is that smell" Spike sniffed the air in an exaggerated way and looked at her "Ugh, it's you! Been for a roll in the hay with the bionic boy then?"

"That's none of your business, Spike" Saff snapped as she stubbed out her cigarette and glared at him. She thought back to the day she had had with Graham, they had been for a picnic in the park; he had said he'd chosen it because she couldn't possibly get kicked out of there. They had been dating a couple of weeks now and it was refreshing that he was such a gentleman, but he hadn't seemed to initiate anything more than a safe kiss. He smirked as he watched her frown while thinking and shuffling the cards. "Split the pack, William" She smiled sweetly, and offered the pack to him.

"Don't bloody call me that"

"I have to, you need your given name for it to work" She explained, as she shook the pack in front of him impatiently. He reached a hand to split the pack and put his half of the deck down on the table. Saff put down her pack of cards and picked the top one and laid it face-up in front of Spike on the table.

"Death" She said simply as Spike snorted and lit his own cigarette.

"Well I could have told you that without the cards, love"

"No, Spike. It's not always that literal…" She said, not sure whether he wanted her interpretation or not.

"Go on then, I paid you good money for this. I could have bought some more smokes for the same amount" He said pointing his finger and banging it on the table to make his point.

"Death can mean a big change. It's-it's a major arcana which focuses on the wider picture, in this case it's the end of a major phase or aspect of your life, or, um, unlife. You're about to undertake a significant transformation, you need to embrace this transition and not hold onto the past" She finished, feeling a bit drained after letting the voice in her head take over and do the reading for her. Spike stared at her for a while, taking in everything she had said. He seemed to be contemplating recent events, maybe thinking about the bigger picture and what this change could mean for him.

"What a load of bollocks" He finally said.

"You came to me! You asked and I've told you, Spike. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear but it's not bollocks" She finished, in irritation.

"Look, I'm, uh, I shouldn't have said that" He admitted quickly, looking down at the card instead of her disappointed face. "And, well, you do help your cousin with the slaying crap. Hitting that big nasty took guts and-" Spike tailed off at the end as he realised he seemed to be babbling, which wasn't something he noticed himself doing, not for centuries at least. What was wrong with him. She's just a human. She's so much more. Give over, love's bloody bitch.

"Was that an apology from the big bad? I'm honoured" She laughed, but he could tell she appreciated what he had said and this made him smile back at her, only slightly.

"Don't get bloody used to it" He pointed at her, semi-menacingly, before being sincere again, "I know it's not complete bollocks, Dru used to use the cards" He conceded, not meeting her eyes as he sat with her for a while. "You have the sight, don't you love?" He asked as he looked back to her face, she didn't know why she nodded, she hadn't told anyone else properly. Spike wasn't part of the others though, she needed to tell someone, or she would explode, and that was a genuine fear in Sunnydale. Spike watched as she looked uncomfortable, _she hasn't told anyone_ he decided to himself. He didn't know what it meant that she had admitted it to him, but it made him feel hopeful at this revelation. They sat in silence, both thinking at a mile a minute before Spike finally got up to leave. She felt herself wanting to ask him to stay.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Xander, Anya, Willow and Saffron were gathered in Xander's basement room where he was attempting to teach Anya how to play poker. Saffron was sat away from the table on a comfy chair in the corner.

"I implore you, Neesah, blessed goddess of chance and fortune, heed my call. Send to me the heart I desire."

"You know, magic at the poker table qualifies as cheating."

"Anything counts as cheating to you when you're not winning, Xand" Saff pointed out as she started to file her nails from her spot in the corner.

"Hey! You're on timeout, SP. You don't get to talk on timeout" He pointed at her jokingly.

"That wasn't magic, anyway. I was praying. Two, please." Willow concluded, seemingly ignoring Saffron from her spot in the corner.

"I shouldn't even be on timeout, I can't help if you're all terrible at bluffing" She complained, "I'm just naturally good at this game"

"Five." Anya said, also ignoring Saffron as she tried to play the game.

"An, I keep telling you, four's the max, and only if you have an ace."

"OK, four."

"Let's see the ace." Xander asked as Saff switched off from the game she had been banned from playing. She knew when all of them were being deceptive, she thought back to one of the lines she had read online 'Empaths must trust their instinct, many can spot deception in others with no obvious tells'. She thought back to those times she had known people were lying but had no reason for why she felt that way. Now it had gotten her in trouble with Willow too. She wished she had kept her mouth shut, she had decided to eat her feelings as she noticed the boxes of nutrition bars Xander had in his room.

"Can I grab one of these?" She asked, getting up from her 'timeout corner' and over to an open box.

"Sure! Cherry berry is the winning flavour" Xander said excitedly before he tried to convince the others to try one too. Saff took the wrapper off and took a big bite into the bar, before gagging and having to spit it out.

"Winner of what? Worst flavour of the year award 5 fucking years running?!" She complained as she grabbed her bottle of water and drank as much as she could to get rid of the taste.

"Wish that Buff could've made it. This three-hand poker is not quite the game"

"Well it would be four if you'd let me play" Saff mumbled, still sore from being accused of cheating.

"Must be with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking-new boyfriend"

"Yes, we've enjoyed spanking" Anya said loudly, as Xander looked mortified.

"Good to know, An" Saffron laughed as talk turned to the Initiative.

"Well, the thing is, I think Riley is OK, in an oafish kind of way, but am I the only one with a question mark over his head about this lnitiative thing?"

"Well, they do seem to fall in the good-guy camp"

"I'm convinced there's something dodgy about them, but don't tell Graham I said that" Saffron shrugged, "I don't trust big secret military organisations"

"So, he's boyfriend material, but not-to-be-trusted-material?" Willow asked, which seemed to be the first thing she'd said to her that evening. Saffron didn't know what to say to that, she really liked Graham, but he hadn't even committed to her like that anyway and she couldn't get past her strong beliefs about secret organisations, so maybe it was for the best.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The Bronze was buzzing with people and the music was lively as old friends caught up and some people were making new friends. Saffron was wearing leather trousers and a plum-coloured halter top as she stood with Anya and Willow near the bar. She was drinking her vodka-cranberry slowly as she decided how best to approach the subject with Willow. She had been nervous all day, she didn't like it when something was up with her good friends. They had been there almost two hours already and every time she had tried to ask her, Willow had thought she'd seen Buffy and had rushed into a crowd.

"Maybe we should go" Xander had mentioned, much to Willows disappointment. She had wanted it to be like old times, and Saff understood her feelings. She had felt distant from her cousin recently too.

"Here she comes… with Riley and some other guys" She finished with even more disappointment as they all walked over. Saff smiled at Graham as he walked over to her side and kissed her on the lips quickly as some of the other guys cheered. Saffron looked embarrassed but Graham whispered to her reassuringly and held her waist and she seemed to light up as she smiled at him thankfully.

"Hope you don't mind us joining" Riley said pleasantly to the others, "You've met Graham, this is Forrest, that's Kevin, and that's Jay in the back" He introduced the team.

"Some of you have _met_ him a lot more than others" The one called Forrest leered at Saffron suggestively, and then laughed nastily. Saffron didn't like him, something wasn't right about him. She was about to tell him what she thought about him but didn't get chance.

"Back off, Forrest" Graham warned. Saffron whispered in his ear as he ushered her protectively to the bar to buy them both drinks just as Riley walked up behind them to order the rest of the group theirs. They had their drinks and Saff stayed off to the corner with Graham. A slow song had come on and Graham took this as an opportunity to offer his hand to dance with her. He had his hands safely on her waist as she placed her arms around his neck and lay her head on his chest. Saffron appreciated the way he was so respectful, and it was so different from the other boyfriends she had had.

"Saffron, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked and Saff lifted her head up.

"Go on then" She laughed at the face he pulled when she replied and leaned her head up to kiss him. They kissed for a long time, and Saff moved to run her hands through his hair, it felt like they were the only people in the room as they kissed until they had to stop for breath. They smiled at each other as she said she was going to check on Buffy and the others, and he went to chat to Riley.

"Things going well with Graham, Saff?" Buffy laughed as she came up to her and Willow, still breathless from their kiss.

"The well-ness is off the charts" She beamed and seemed to glow with happiness and she took her drink off the table and finished it off.

"So, who did you wanna invite?" Buffy had a sudden thought and turned to Will.

"What?" Willow looked panic stricken as Saffron watched with interest.

"You said you wanted to invite someone" Buffy pressed.

"No, not- No one. I mean, I meant a hypothetical someone, which is to say no one"

"Yeah she meant if we'd known it was a big group event we would have invited the guys from the dorm or something" Saff added to try to help Willow, knowing there must be a reason for her lying. Buffy shrugged, apologised again and ran off to find Riley. Saffron turned to an uncomfortable looking Willow and decided that it was time for their chat.

"Come with me while I go for a fag?" She pleaded as she grabbed Willows hand and lead her out the door of the Bronze and into the cool air of the night. Saff couldn't find the lighter in any of her pockets and had to ask a stranger for a light before turning back to Willow. "If Graham asks, you're the one who smokes" Saffron warned Willow who frowned but nodded seeing as Saff had just helped her with her excuse to Buffy.

"Won't he be able to tell, what with all the smooches?" Willow asked, as Saff smiled like she was the smartest person on the planet.

"Don't worry, I've got all bases covered babe" She smiled knowingly before adding sincerely, "Speaking of lying, I'm sorry for accusing you that day. It just seemed like you were hiding something"

"I-I was" Willow went as red as her hair and looked down at the floor.

"Is there anything you want to talk about? I'm, uh, here for you, Will" She looked at the floor herself as being sincere and serious was hard for her to do in front of others even though she cared so much for them, but tried her best for Willow.

"It's Tara."

"Tara?" Saff asked, suddenly worried about the shy girl.

"She's the someone"

"The… someone?"

"Yeah she's the who I've been spending time with and she's who I would have invited to the Bronze" Willow rushed as she had noticed the worry on Saff's face.

"Oh, Will! You worried me, I thought Tara was ill or cursed or something!" Saffron said, relieved. She added, "Hey congrats, babe! She seems sweet and she's very pretty" Saff winked at the end and Willow blushed.

"You, um, don't mind?"

"Of course not, hey we could double date!" she exclaimed as she took the final drag of her cigarette.

"I'm not really ready for the shouting it from the rooftops"

"Understandable. If anyone tries anything nasty, I'll deck them for you though. Or you could both totally turn them into frogs" Saffron felt protective of Will and hoped she was showing that she supported her.

"Deck?"

"Yeah, you know… It just means knock them out, or I'd at least go in for a slap then run away" Saffron joked at her useless combat skills, which made Willow smile. She really appreciated what Saff was doing for her and her eyes were watery as they hugged and Saff patted her back reassuringly. They moved out of their hug and Saff pulled some gum from her pocket and emptied the whole pack into her mouth and chewed quickly. She was determined to hide her habit from Graham, who was too clean-cut to know what a cigarette was in her mind. She smiled smugly at Will who smiled back and Saff linked her arms with Willow and they walked back into the Bronze together.

_ **xoxoxo ** _

Xander and Anya were sat on the sofa at Giles' house as Xander was trying to sell Giles some of his disgusting nutrition bars. Saff had already warned Giles not to buy any when she walked in that morning with a newspaper for Giles and some pastries. When Anya and Xander had arrived later on, Giles hadn't listened and decided to humour them.

"Just tell them to shove their bars where the sun don't shine, G!" Saff called from the kitchen where she was using Giles' new phone to talk to Graham as she looked through the cupboards for a decent snack.

"Hey! Xander needs to buy me pretty things" Anya called back.

"Buy your own pretty things, An" She replied, "Be a strong, independent ex-demon"

"A what?" Graham asked from the other end of the phone.

"Oh, nothing babe. It was the tv" She lied easily, she liked Anya and didn't want to give her away to the initiative.

"How's work going?"

"Can't comment, you know that doll"

"Just testing you and well done, you passed! I'll tell your superiors you're a sterling soldier/agent/commando"

"You won't be talking to my superiors" He laughed at her attitude.

"Try and stop me" she replied cheekily. "

We already proved your combat skills are crap, uh, ma'am"

"Ma'am?" She questioned, not sure why he would call her that. "Sorry that was a superior walking past. I have to go, there's fieldwo-" Graham was cut off as Saffron was distracted by a loud bang at the door as Spike rushed in dramatically, covered in a large blanket. She put her ear to the receiver again and noticed Graham had already gone. She shrugged and put the phone back in the dock and turned to listen to Spike's latest sob story. She walked over and stood near Giles and caught the rest of the conversation.

"And how is this our concern? You expressed the wish to have nothing more to do with us"

"Spike said that? That hurts." Xander joked, but Saffron did feel hurt after their meeting at the café she had thought her and Spike might have had an understanding of some kind. She cursed herself, of course they didn't, why would she even think that?

"I need help. And no cheek from you." He pointed to Xander, and avoided looking at Saffron all together, "Look. The buggers shot me in the back." He showed them his wound.

"Remind me. Why should I help you?" Giles pressed.

"Because you do that. You're the goody-good guys. You're the bloody freaking cavalry." Spike said, exasperated that he was having to beg for help.

"No, you can come up with a better answer than that. Why should I help you?" Giles asked, as Spike thought about it and ended up having to pay Giles back the money he had managed to get out of him. They had started to set up a chair and some equipment to try and get the bullet out of Spike. Saffron had sat with Anya on the sofa watching the guys sort everything out but she got up when she noticed Spike was still wearing his t-shirt.

"Take your top off, Spike" Saff told him as she pulled at the wrecked fabric as gently as she could.

"Ow, bloody hell I'll do it, I'll do it" He took it off and threw it over to her and she caught it and rolled her eyes.

"I was trying to help, you moron" she sulked and went back over to sit with Anya. She waited a while but got impatient as they all stared at whatever was embedded in Spike's back.

"It's blinking"

"I don't care if it's playing "Rock the Casbah" on the bloody jew's-harp. Get it out of me." Saff stifled a laugh as he said this and got up to look for herself. She took one look and knew what it was.

"Looks like a tracking device to me" Saff shrugged as Xander started to agree after his soldier brain kicked in from all those years ago. Giles told Saff to call Buffy and Willow and get them to come over, he was still getting used to his new phone.

"Hey Will, how's it going?"

"I spent the night at Tara's" she gushed, pleased she had someone to talk to.

"Sweet! I wondered where you went last night" She laughed, "I should have known, I'm guessing Buff's not in then?"

"Just missed her, she's been beeped away by her new buds"

"That's all right, we need you anyway – come to Giles' asap" She told her before saying bye and putting down the phone.

_ **xoxoxo ** _

Willow came and performed a spell to block the device from the Initiative while Giles got rid of the tracking device after a lot of complaining by Spike. He had downed the entire bottle of Brandy as they extracted the homing beacon and flushed it down the toilet. Willow had left to go to the magic shop to replenish the supplies that she had just used on the spell for Spike, Giles had pressed some notes into her hand as she walked past. She tried to protest but he whispered it was Spike's money and Willow felt easier about taking it as she skipped out of the door.

"Must have been a great night" Saff smiled to herself as she watched her friend happily leave Giles' in the best mood she'd seen her in a long time. Well, since Oz. Spike looked over at her as he had heard what she had said but didn't really see the significance so he went back to feeling sorry for himself and delving in Giles' liquor cabinet. Giles had excused himself as the make-shift operation he had just performed had tired him out, so he went for a lie down muttering about Spike all the way up the stairs. Xander and Anya left soon after, leaving Spike and Saff alone together downstairs. Saff was looking in the mirror, making sure that her makeup was okay after another day of action in Sunnydale. She was surprised to see her makeup was intact as she then checked her outfit, she was wearing light blue jeans with rips in the knees and her t-shirt was loose and The Clash was emblazoned on the chest in big letters, it was faded but not enough so it couldn't be read.

"Do you even listen to them, pet?" He scoffed, motioning to her t-shirt as he took another swig of brandy.

"Yeah" She replied, "Since I was a kid" not feeling the need to prove herself to him. Her Dad had used to play old punk and rock songs in their car when they would drive around when she was young, and it had sparked her love for all sorts of music. He looked at her with interest, wanting to ask more but knowing she probably didn't want to talk about her time in England. He wanted her to keep talking to him.

"Drink?" he asked as he held the bottle out to her and she took the bottle from him and took a large gulp and smiled at him as a thanks, handing the bottle back to him. They sat in silence, sharing the bottle for a while. Saff was enjoying herself, she hadn't felt this comfortable in a while, all the emotions she could feel where her own and she was content sitting with Spike. She then sighed audibly as her thoughts turned to Graham, she wasn't sure how long she could keep up pretending she didn't smoke, she felt like she was always lying to him in some way.

"Alright, pet?" Spike asked, and he appeared to be sincere.

"Just thinking about, uh, Graham" She said, not really sure why she told him. This stung Spike, as he didn't want to hear about the Bionic boy, he had named him this because her commando boyfriend seemed too perfect. Like some bloody robot.

"Oh yeah? He need his batteries replacing?" Spike rolled his eyes and took a long drink and finished the bottle off.

"No, I haven't been totally honest with him. Like I haven't told him I smoke" Saff looked embarrassed she had told Spike.

"What? He can't go near smoke or his circuits will short?" Spike said dryly, not hiding his contempt for her boyfriend.

"But what if he chucks me? He's, uh, nice" She said, wondering why she was talking to Spike about this. Maybe it was the drink.

"Tell him. Tell him straight away, honesty's the best policy and all that, isn't that what all you Scoobies fight for?" Spike said a little bit too quickly.

"Well mostly we fight demons because they're usually trying to kill us" Saffron replied thoughtfully.

"If he can't accept you for who you are, you're best finding someone who can, love" Spike said pointing his finger to emphasise what he was saying. He meant this genuinely and wished it could be him, although he left this unsaid. Saffron took a cigarette from her pack and looked for a lighter in her pocket, she groaned as she noticed she didn't have it.

"Can I borrow your light?" She asked, seeing as Spike seemed to be in a decent mood. He looked out of the window as if he wanted to join her, but the sun was still up so he just passed her the lighter before walking back over to Giles' liquor cabinet. Saff was enjoying her cigarette as she caught the last rays of sunshine of the day on her face but stopped dead when she saw a familiar figure walking towards her. Graham. She looked down at her cigarette and dramatically threw it into a bush and wafted herself hopelessly to get rid of the smell, before turning to smile at him when he had gotten closer.

"Oh happy day, my soldier boy is back from the ranks!" She called, dabbing at her eyes dramatically and pretending she was crying with happiness, as he walked over to her giving her a winning smile. It probably has won awards. The thought made her smile almost as much as his reply.

"I told you I'd come back for you, doll" He joked back, knowing it made her smile when he continued her pretence. He liked her smile.

"How come you're here, Gray?" She asked, dropping her act.

"I was in the area, thought I'd drop in on my favourite girl" Graham smiled at her warmly as he moved in to kiss her, but she backed away and bumped into Giles' front door as her back was flush to it. Graham frowned and stepped towards her as she was at the door. What the pair didn't realise was that Spike was listening from the other side of the door and had scoffed audibly at everything Graham had said. He had jumped when he heard her lean awkwardly against the door and thought he should probably move away, but morbid curiosity was keeping him there.

"What's wrong, baby?" Graham asked, concerned for his girlfriend as she usually seemed to like kissing him.

"God, alright the jig's up" Saff rolled her eyes, "I smoke alright? Happy?" She crossed her arms, feeling like she had disappointed him as he was all about the healthy commando life. She looked up at him as he hadn't said anything and noticed a hint of a smile on his lips.

"I'm indifferent" He said, she took this as a disappointment and sighed sadly, expecting him to just turn and walk away, "But if it's a habit of yours, although a terrible one, I can live with it" He said as he leaned down slightly to peck her lips quickly. Saff smiled, satisfied that Graham really did like her and she even took Spike's advice and it been _helpful_. She'd have to thank him later. Instead of pulling away completely from their kiss like they usually would, they stayed there with their faces close together, gazing into each others eyes each with a smile on their face. She put her hand on the back of his head and ran her black fingernails through his hair as they started to softly kiss with Saffron still flush to the door. They were there for a while, their kiss slowly becoming more passionate as they forgot where they were, this was not usually something Graham would do in public, but he soon realised he couldn't help himself when it came to her. A loud bang, courtesy of Spike, from inside Giles' house brought them back to reality and they sprung apart quickly, and breathlessly. They maintained eye contact with each other, and Graham silently grabbed her hand and they rushed off down the street to find somewhere a little comfier.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"Professor Walsh set you up?" Saff asked, appalled that her cousin had almost died, again. "I knew there was something dodgy about her" she muttered to herself. Her thoughts then turned to Graham. They had had a good night and she had felt happy enough when they were together. Could he have had a part in plotting against her cousin? She was deep in thought, only half listening to the plan that was forming among the rest of the group.

"Come and boogie at Xander's hideaway" Xander said, and Saff did a little dance as a joke, which made him smile, "See? SP is ready to boo-gie" as he put his arm around her neck to try and convince the others that hiding at his place would be a good time. The conversation continued and was only interrupted when Riley and Graham stormed into Giles' house, they had obviously heard about what had gone on with Buffy.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" She glared at them both and tried to make herself look as menacing as possible, with her hands on her hips. They both said they didn't know anything, and she knew they were telling the truth. This satisfied her, and the others watched with confusion as she softened, they probably weren't going to trust her to interrogate anyone again after that performance. She stepped back and subconsciously stood in front of where Spike was sat, which ended up bringing more attention to the vampire.

"Is-is that Hostile 17?" Graham asked, confused as Riley looked over too.

"I'm just a friend of Xander's" Spike started off in a horrible American accent, "Bugger it. I'm your guy"

"Uh, Gray. That's Spike" She said calmly still stood between the two, "Spike, Graham" she continued to introduce them as if they were at a party. As Riley and Buffy were discussing the same thing, Spike made sure everyone knew he was bad and got up and made his exit, not before telling the commandos he supported them if they were trying to kill the Slayer.

"What the hell, Saff?" He angrily whispered, trying not to make a scene in front of the rest of the group.

"Look, Graham, he's really not a threat"

"You're protecting that-that Hostile. Is this some fucking English thing?" Graham exploded, "It needs to be detained"

"Oh yeah, you got me. We're all infiltrating the Initiative and selling your secrets to the British association for zapping demon brains and running around with big guns and pretending we're very important" Saffron snapped, as the others watched her with concern. She looked at the rest of the room, and added quietly to Graham, "You saw him, his name's Spike. He has feelings and he hasn't hurt anyone since"

"You're too soft, that's your problem. I can't deal with this" Graham turned and left without looking back, and Saff watched him go. Riley, however, stayed for Buffy and explained to her exactly what he had seen at the initiative. Saffron was upset and had left to hide the tears that had started to fall in Giles' bathroom. While she was dabbing toilet roll under her eyes, Buffy was asking Riley what he knew about 314 and what their next move would be. Saffron sniffed, and wished she wasn't as sensitive as she was. She had ruined things when it had been going so well for once, by protecting someone that had tried to kill her. There was a soft knock at the door, and Saff panicked as she didn't want the others to know she had been crying.

"Saffy? You okay?" Willow asked softly through the door. Saff unlocked the door and returned to where she had been stood in front of the mirror. Her hair had been twisted into a bun and her mascara was still all around her eyes as she sighed at the state of herself. Willow slowly pushed the door open and walked in to see Saffron in a state after her argument with Graham.

"I don't know why I defended him, Will. I shouldn't be so sensitive. I should have just apologised to Graham"

"Don't say that, he was just wigged. You didn't lie, you just didn't get around to mentioning it."

"But he was supposed to be my boyfriend, you were right at the start when you asked if I thought he was not to be trusted, I should have just trusted him"

"What he said was harsh, you're kind and empathetic and we all care about you, Saff" She tried to reassure her. Saff had inwardly laughed when she had called her empathetic and just wished she could be normal with a normal boyfriend and a normal college experience.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was in her oversized grey t-shirt and her fluffy snowman pyjama trousers that she tended to wear all year round. She was wedged between Anya and Willow on the sofa in Xander's basement as they stared at the screen that was playing morning cartoons. Saffron wasn't really watching, she was thinking about Graham. She started to pick at her nail varnish as it was all chipped and she hadn't had time to grab any nail varnish from her room.

"Who wants bacon?" Xander asked, walking down the stairs from the upper level of the house.

"You have anything less slaughtered and meaty?" Saff asked, cringing as she could feel instantly that the others were uncomfortable at her choice of words, "uh, but I don't mind you guys having it" she quickly added feeling the odd one out, again. She hadn't eaten meat for a long time, since she was very young. When she had eaten meat, she had always felt uncomfortable and sad. On reflection, Saffron now attributed this to her abilities to feel the intuitive emotions of others, including the death of these animals. Her parents had supported her decision and her mother especially had encouraged her and Saffron wondered if she had known all that time ago.

Xander went upstairs to sort out breakfast and when he returned, everyone was finally up. He handed around the breakfasts and he had found Saff a yoghurt from the back of the fridge which she made a point of thanking him perhaps too enthusiastically as she still felt guilty about her earlier comment.

"You two really have the worst luck in relationships" The group turned to look at Saff and Buffy.

"Must be a family curse" Saffron rolled her eyes thinking about her past relationships that had all ended badly.

"You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander."

"You can't have Xander" Anya added quickly.

"That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things, like hold hands through the daisies going "tra-la-la"." Buffy explained, looking to Saffron to see what she thought about her and Graham, but she just didn't say anything. Saffron didn't know what she thought about Graham at the moment, she had never trusted his job but he had been very nice to have around as a boyfriend. She decided to go for a morning smoke, she wrapped herself in a black dressing gown took the new lighter she had bought to replace the one she had lost and left through the back door. Everyone started to nag at her to stop smoking as she walked out, which she ignored as she usually did.

While Saffron was outside smoking, talk inside Xander's basement room turned to the girl that had left for her smoke. They had noticed that she had seemed off recently, her emotions seemed to be on her sleeve and all of them had seen her cry at least once recently; None of them had seen her crying properly since high school, as she had always hidden from them when she had been upset since.

"Uh, has anyone noticed the emotional fainty-ness of Saff recently?" Xander asked the room as the others nodded.

"Um, yes, she has appeared to swing to and fro with her emotional state as of lately, but I didn't know if it would be pertinent to query her on the matter" Giles added, his glasses were off his face and he was cleaning them as he frowned with concern for the girl that he was very fond of, he often thought of her as if she were his own daughter.

"We all have a lot to deal with right now, what with the demon on the loose, being a target of the Initiative" Buffy put her hand on her hip, "And on top of that, Saff and Graham are having demon-sized problems themselves"

"But Buffy, she was fainting and crying before that" Willow pointed out.

"I think Saffron is having emotional surges, I knew a demon that had a collection of beings with strong emotions. They can go for a lot of money in the underworld" Anya thought about the money, before snapping out of it and smiling at Xander.

"Emotional like pms-ing?" Xander asked unhelpfully as the rest of them ignored his addition to the conversation.

"If it was something big, she would have told us already. If there is something, we'll just have to wait until she's ready" Willow defended her, as the door started to open and Saffron returned looking determined. While she had been outside, she had decided she needed to talk to Graham and meet him to discuss what had happened. She needed to be brave now, she told herself. When she walked back in she noticed a silence as everyone's eyes were on her. She smiled and curtseyed theatrically which made them smile fondly before asking Xander if she could use his phone. Before she had walked up the stairs, Buffy made an empowering speech to rally the scoobies and everyone had the tasks they needed to do in mind. Saffron's priority was to meet with Graham first then go and find some volumes to research on the Polgara demon.

Graham had agreed to meet her on his lunch break in the college canteen. He didn't have long, but he had wanted to see her. He had cooled off since the other day and greeted her politely and sat down with a banana for his lunch.

"Look, we are so different. We were always going to hit something like this" Saffron explained quickly, not able to bear the silence, giving him the opportunity to end things quickly if he wanted to.

"You're right, Saffron. You're different. You're the most unique, caring person I have met and I don't want to lose you over this" he said, closing the gap between them, "But I can't risk my job"

"I'm sorry. I understand and I'm not asking you to"

"So we'll keep going? Take it slowly?" He asked, as she smiled tightly and nodded, she felt that he genuinely wanted her around and she liked Graham. He was a safe bet, and that's what she wanted at the moment when everything seemed to be changing around her – even her own identity. She had noted that he hadn't apologised for his anger, which made her question him slightly. He checked his watch and kissed her forehead quickly, he needed to get back to the Initiative and he promised to take her out later. She was sat with her grilled cheese sandwich untouched in front of her, she felt empty and she didn't understand why when everything had just worked out between them. She was sick of her gut always making her second-guess everything now.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had a lit cigarette between her lips as she was trying to fasten her large silver hoop back in her ear as it had started to fall out. She had set up in the corner of one of the college rec rooms. There was a Foosball table set up in the opposite corner and there were a few people milling around, but no one had really come to her for a reading. A few of the girls that were sat near her had been whispering about her as she had shuffled her cards, she had felt her cheeks tinge pink, but she turned to stare hard at them. They stayed for a few more minutes before they packed up their stuff and left rather quickly. As Saffron watched them leave through the door, she noticed a familiar face walk in and stand in the middle of the Rec room. She had really nice silver tinted hair that hung in front of her face as if she was hiding from something and she was wearing cord trousers and long sleeved jumper.

"Hey, it's Tara, right?" She called over to Tara with a little wave.

"Y-y-yeah" she smiled shyly as she edged towards her table slightly.

"Please don't tell me you've gone back to that Bitch group since?" Saffron asked, as Tara shook her head and Saffron nodded, glad to know she wasn't subjecting herself to that 'Wicca' group. Tara seemed to be stood awkwardly looking around the rec room, glancing at Saffron every so often as if she wanted to ask something.

"Oh, are you here for a reading?" Saff sat up straighter and stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"I saw the flyer on the college pin board, I wanted to look into it" Tara said, playing down her interest in Tarot. Saffron beamed warmly, pleased that the flyers that she had handwritten had got her more business.

"Then step right up! It's usually $10, but since you're dating one of my best friends, and making her very happy, you can have your first one free" Tara blushed and thanked Saffron and then sat down in front of her. "From what I've heard, you're good with the magics and the tarot, how come you need to consult me?"

"Um, I just thought it would be good to find other people that-that are interested in the same things"

"Well, I know when Willow is more comfortable, you'll get on with the whole gang. Buff can be a bit bossy at times, but it's part of the chosen one's charm" She laughed, before going red at calling Buffy the chosen one in front of her. Tara just smiled, which suggested to Saff that she already knew a lot about the rest of them from Will. She started to shuffle the cards with an obvious ease, she wasn't trying to show off, but she knew what she was doing.

"Are there any specific questions you would like to ask the cards, Tara?" She inquired, a line she frequently found herself saying. Saffron could feel her anxiety as she shrugged and ducked her head. "Tell you what, T, I'll do you a past, present and future reading, is that okay?" Tara nodded gratefully as Saffron shuffled some more. She asked Tara to split the cards randomly and laid them face-up on the table.

"You have drawn the cards entirely from the cups, this can be significant. The suit, as I'm sure you know, deals with emotional conflicts, personal relationships and creativity" she smiled warmly at Tara as she mentioned that she probably already knew. Tara was focusing on the cards, but Saffron could tell that she seemed to be warming up to her as the reading went on. "For your past, the eight of cups, you have felt a great disappointment and a-an abandonment of sorts which you have not fully moved on from. The present, the ace of cups. This suggests love, either romantic or platonic that are blooming suddenly. It can also indicate that new relationships are formed that make you more comfortable as an individual. Finally, for the future, the three of cups. This indicates a celebration which can relate to an acceptance and continued friendship is a big theme for you as you will collaborate with new people which may bring you out of your comfort zone."

When she finished speaking, she felt a cold shiver down her spine. She had never felt that before after a reading, especially such a positive one, it was as if someone had walked over her grave. She looked up at Tara, who had thanked her and was starting to gather up her books and leave. Tara had stopped dead. Had she felt it too? Was she feeling it because Tara had? They looked at each other, waiting to see if the other would mention it. Instead, Saffron stood up too and something made her hold her hand out to shake Tara's. Their hands met and the same feeling came back, a freezing cold shiver was shared by them both and they both felt a horrible fear and pain that made them both pull their hands away. Saffron's knees buckled and she fell to the floor, she felt weak as she looked up at Tara who had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Is all that Tara said before she ran out of the deserted rec room. Saffron didn't know what to make of what had just happened. She could tell that Tara didn't have any malicious intentions, so she needed to figure out what that feeling they had shared was.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron wrapped the cheetah print jacket she had borrowed from Buffy around her, to protect her from the cold night. Buffy was smaller than her, but luckily, she had bought it a few sizes bigger and she had appreciated this as she took it from her wardrobe. Ever since she had made up with Graham, she had felt there was something missing. She had still felt weak from her meeting with Tara earlier that day and keeping her empathic abilities from her close friends was taking its toll on her mind. She hated secrets. Lots of thoughts were spinning around her head and, with a steak in each pocket, she went for a walk through the streets to try to clear her head. Her head was down as she pounded the pavement, past one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. She suddenly whacked her shoulder on something she hadn't noticed in her path, it felt like she had collided with a brick wall.

"Ow, watch it" she heard a familiar British accent as she looked up to say sorry. She stared, open mouthed at Spike's face as it had been badly beaten she started to reach up to his face but stopped herself quickly.

"What happened, Spike?"

"This? Nothing to concern you, love. The other guy's dust" he lied, as he shrugged casually pretending he wasn't bothered about what had just happened. "Where are you off at this time of night, offering yourself as a tasty snack for something big and bad?"

"Just walking." She replied, neither of them wanted to leave the other but they didn't know what to say. "You?" She added.

"Been run out of my crypt, so I'm looking for a new one" He rolled his eyes at this and winced as it opened a cut on his face. Saff noticed this and frowned, feeling sorry for him.

"Let me sort your face out spike?" She asked, "I have some vodka in my dorm" she added.

"You're drawn to danger, aren't you honeysuckle?" he smirked cockily at this invitation, "Inviting a master vampire into your room, what will the rest of the white hats say?"

"I'm offering my help, Spike. Take it or leave it" She shrugged and started to walk towards her dorm and he quickly caught up and matched her pace. They walked the whole way in silence, but he kept his eyes on her the whole time. He felt elated that she cared that much she would want to tend to his wounds.

When they arrived at her dorm, the lights were off and she quickly flicked the switch and took Buffy's jacket off and put it on her bed. Spike walked in casually, no invitation needed as it was public property. Hayley was out for the evening, Saff recalled that there was a party she had been invited to in the next dorm over. She hadn't been in the mood for a party after everything and promised Hayley they would go out another time. She started to root in one of the drawers in her room for her medical kit as Spike made himself at home. He had sat himself on her bed and started looking around at everything in the room.

The Bed sheets were plain white and had been made that morning. Her bedside table had a glass of water, a pack of tarot cards with a clear crystal on top and her contact lenses on the side. The essentials. On her desk, there was a circular mirror and perfume bottles with a lot of makeup left from that morning where she had used it as a vanity table. There was a large clear case in the corner packed with nail varnishes in lots of different colours. Silver jewelry was on almost every surface and a black velvet jewelry box was open and jewelry was spilling out of it. It looked as if she had put her makeup and jewelry on in a rush, but she often left things around which Hayley often picked her up on; She usually talked her way out of tidying it all up though. She said she knew where everything was when she left it like that.

On the walls were posters of different punk bands, both older and more recent, which Spike looked at with interest. On the chest of drawers nearest the door they had entered, there was a small, black tv in the corner and a well-used CD player was next to it with a large stack of CDs that had been neatly ordered next to them. She had a lot of books on her shelves, many were for her college courses but there was quite a few that she appeared to be reading for fun. Her side of the dorm room had been made her own, and he noticed that the other side was a complete opposite of hers. The boy bands of the week were plastered all over the walls and there was a lot of pink everywhere. Pink bed sheets, pink clothes in the wardrobe that had been left ajar – the only thing misplaced in the whole of that side of the room. He wondered if she got on with her roommate or not. He decided that he liked being inside her dorm room, and felt comfortable on her side, and it smelled of lavender which is what she usually smelled like. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, noticing that he couldn't hear her in the room anymore. He opened one eye and realised he was alone in it.

She came back in with a bottle of vodka and some antiseptic cream she had borrowed from next door; she had run out, after all the scrapes she had gotten into recently. She came in and sat next to Spike who was leaning back casually but still holding his side. She passed him the bottle of vodka before she started to sort out the items she needed.

"This will probably sting a bit" She said as she started to dab at his wounds to clean them before applying the cream. Spike tried his best to act like the pain wasn't affecting him but Saff could feel hints of pain snaking around her arms like vines as she made contact with his skin. When she was satisfied that she had done all that she could, she packed up everything she had used and put it on the floor.

She took the bottle off Spike and took a massive drink, that made even Spike look at her with concern for the amount she had taken in one gulp. She wheezed slightly at the sensation of the alcohol that went down her throat but recovered quickly. She was sat near her pillows with her legs crossed under her for comfort and she was facing Spike who was still sat where he had been since he had entered the room. They drank for a long time, finishing the bottle and talking. They both felt comfortable in the others presence, and there was no need to trade insults as they were alone here.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron got up from her position on the bed where her and Spike had been laughing about one of the demons they had seen recently that he said had looked like Maggie Thatcher, and it had made Saff laugh at the resemblance to the old hag that had once run her home country. Spike hadn't laughed like that with someone in a long time, her laugh was infectious, and it made him want to make her laugh a lot more. She had got up to grab another bottle of alcohol that she had hidden in the bottom of her wardrobe as her and Spike had quickly finished the first bottle between them. As she stepped onto the floor, she had forgotten that she had left some bottles on the floor from when she had cleaned up Spike's face hours ago and she stumbled into them almost falling. Spike still had quick reflexes as alcohol didn't affect him as much and he grabbed her arm to stop her from falling to the floor. He left his hand there longer than was necessary to keep her from falling and she looked back at him thankfully before carefully making her way to the wardrobe, trying to focus on walking in a straight line.

She looked in the bottom of her wardrobe for a few minutes before returning with a bottle of white rum that had already been opened but it was still mostly full. Her good mood had seemed to change in the short space of time it had taken her to walk from the wardrobe and take her place back on the bed. Her thoughts had turned back to everything that was going on. The biggest worry she had was the feelings she couldn't escape from and there was only so much she could find out to reassure herself from looking online. She had observed that since her and Spike had been in her room she hadn't felt anything that wasn't her own since she had touched Spike's face, anyway. Still, she was deep in thought when Spike interrupted her, taking the bottle from her hands slowly.

"What's going on in that mind of yours, honeysuckle?" He said as he tapped her temple with two fingers. He watched her expectantly as she was considering what to say. He had been bold to ask, but she had already let him know about her sight, maybe she wanted to share more with him.

"It's just- I'm- it's nothing, spike" She finally concluded with a sigh, but Spike wanted to know now, so he pressed again.

"Come on, love. I'm not stupid, I can see something's eating away at you even if the others can't"

"I, uh, I think I'm an empath" She whispered after hesitating again. Spike's eyebrows furrowed, he had heard of this word before but he couldn't remember what it meant in terms of abilities. "I, uh, can't stop feeling everything other people are feeling. Do you remember when I fainted a while ago? It was from everyone else's fear. I don't want to tell them, in case- in case" She didn't finish her sentence and Spike could see that she was upset.

"What about soldier boy, does he know?" Spike inquired, hoping she had told only him.

"Hardly! He'd be the first to shop me to his superiors!" She raised her voice as if he had asked a stupid question.

"Sounds to me like he's holding you back, pet" He said casually as he took a big swig of the rum, as a tear started to roll down her cheek that she quickly wiped away, hoping that he wouldn't notice while his focus was on the bottle. He had noticed but didn't mention it as he looked back to her. They were both in deep thought about the other and still passed the bottle between them every now and again.

"What happened to your face, Spike?" Saffron suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Told you, just a vamp. No match for me, obviously"

"Did I mention that I can spot deception, it's a very specific emotion" She grinned smugly which made Spike take a big, unneeded breath before answering.

"Bloody tossers started on me, didn't they? A man can't even have a pint of your lot's finest in his local anymore" he sulked.

"I was feeling sorry for you up until you called it my lot's finest" She smiled, not scared by his turn of phrase anymore, "Why can't you drink there now?"

"Big ugly bastards don't like that they're in my sights, only thing I can hurt ain't it?" He explained. They continued to drink together and share more about what they had been thinking, until the sun was almost up and Saffron had got tired from staying up most of the night.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It was early in the morning and Saffron and Buffy were sat on Buffy's bed in her dorm room. They had big mugs in their hands as Saffron had made and brought hot chocolate for Buffy and a coffee for herself so they could talk like they used to over breakfast in the Summer's home. Saffron had decided to survive the day on coffee after her late night and hadn't bothered to do her makeup just to walk to Buffy's room. Buffy was in her fluffy sushi pyjamas still and had been woken up when Saff knocked on her door. She was surprised to see that it was Saff as she wasn't usually an early riser, she had thought that Willow had forgotten her key again. Admittedly, she had been relieved when she saw that it was Saff, ever since they were younger Saffron seemed to absorb her emotions and make her feel better or at least helped her collect her thoughts. Buffy had once joked her superpower was caring for others. Willow wasn't in and her bed hadn't been slept in, probably at Tara's Saff thought. Buffy had been catching her up on everything that had happened at the Initiative, seeing as Saffron hadn't been around much.

"Adam?" Saff asked dubiously, "They should have called him something more robot-y like The Adam-o-tron 2000"

"He's not a robot, Saff. He's got bits of everything in there, his arms are made of the Polgara that I helped them capture" Buffy looked upset at this and Saffron put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"And Riley?" Saffron asked with concern.

"He's in some military hospital probably having tests done on him"

"Hey, don't think like that Buff. I can call Graham up, see if he can check in on him for you" Saff asked and Buffy nodded, leaning on her cousin. They bickered often, but Buffy was pleased that she had Saffron to share things with. Saffron could feel Buffy's sorrow strongly and she hated it when her cousin was upset, her own eyes started to water as she blinked hard and willed herself not to start crying. She wanted to help Buffy, not make it about herself. They stayed together for the rest of the morning as Saff tried her best to ease Buffy's worry and upset. She planned on calling Graham later and hoped he wouldn't mind her being involved in his job again.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Saffron was sat on a stone grave in the most recent crypt that Spike had found to stay in during the day. She was wearing black jeans and one of her usual t-shirts with a red shirt hanging around her shoulders loosely. She had borrowed it from Spike as the crypt was very cold, she had had visible goose bumps which he noticed and had quickly thrown the shirt to her which she had taken gratefully. Spike and Saffron had started spending more time together and little gestures like that had started to feel normal to them both. Spike liked seeing her wearing his shirt and Saffron was enjoying wearing it. Spike had finally admitted to himself that he felt for her, but he didn't want to say anything to scare her off and lose the moments they shared together. He was busy mixing drinks with his back to her as she shuffled her tarot cards.

"Spike, there better not be alcohol in there. It's 10 a.m. and I have class _and_ a shift at the store later"

"All part of the birthday celebrations, pet" he smirked.

"My Birthday's not for a few days and it's not a big deal" She shrugged, genuinely not bothered about her upcoming birthday apart from the fact that she didn't have to hear Buffy use her younger age against her in arguments.

"Don't give it all that modesty bollocks, love. You should celebrate, you only live once and all that"

"Or I could just find a handsome vampire to help me come back a second time" She winked playfully but he didn't look convinced.

"You deserve something good, shouldn't be all about the Slayer all the time" He shrugged and turned away from her again and Saffron paused to watch him, he had never seemed that sincere before and it made her heart skip a beat.

"Candles, cake, a demon crashing the party. A proper Sunnydale knees up. Can't wait" She joked which made Spike smile fondly. "Thank you, Spike" She said after a comfortable silence.

"What for?" He looked confused and he almost knocked over one of the glasses that he had been filling up

"For, um, letting me hang out here with you. All the emotions they- they seem more manageable here" She continued feeling a bit embarrassed at her revelation. In fact, she barely felt Spike's emotions unless she was in physical contact with him and that wasn't often. Spending time with him gave her a blissful feeling that she couldn't describe, and the feeling was one hundred percent her own.

She turned back to her pack of cards and decided to do herself a two-card spread, asking only for guidance for the near future. She chose her cards and lay them flat on the cold stone. The star. This is a major arcana she knew that. She tried to listen for the meaning that often came into her head, but only one word kept being whispered over and over. _Faith_. She didn't understand, she had always had faith in the cards, and she didn't know why the word was so urgently circling her mind. She had also picked out the seven of swords. This indicated deception or an individual getting away with something and they should not be trusted. Saffron looked at the cards, she had never had anything that had puzzled her so much. She had finally decided that she may have faith in someone's deception and chose to be cautious for the next few days, hoping the worst it could be was a surprise party held at the Bronze.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had joined the others at Giles', it had been a few weeks since Saff had found out about Adam and Riley was still in the infirmary at the Initiative. Buffy was worried sick and despite Saff's many calls to Graham where he had assured them both Riley was being looked after, this didn't convince either of the girls.

"Still no word about Riley?"

"They keep telling me that he's fine. That's all they'll say" Buffy shrugged.

"Maybe they're telling the truth" Willow said unconvincingly.

"As much as I like being with Graham, his loyalty will always be Initiative first, Girlfriend's strange friends second" Saffron sighed, cursing the Initiative.

"Hey, who's strange?" Xander put his hand on his chest acting hurt at what Saffron said which made her roll her eyes fondly and smile. Buffy decided that enough was enough, she needed to get Riley out of there. She was going through the plan of action when she was suddenly interrupted.

"Am I really worth all that?" Riley smiled tightly and Saffron felt the pain like she was being stabbed repeatedly as he walked past her to meet Buffy in an embrace. She doubled over from her seat on Giles' sofa and rubbed her side to try and get rid of the pain, knowing that it was useless until she was out of Riley's immediate vicinity. Riley apologised to the group for acting strange back when the rest of them had stormed the Initiative and listened as the others told him that it was okay, Saff nodded along with them as she didn't feel the need to say anything considering she hadn't actually been there. Saffron appreciated the way Riley was supporting Buffy despite his role in the Initiative, and her mind turned to Graham as she knew that he would have never done this for her. She was starting to warm up to Riley, despite her initial caution around him.

A phone call interrupted their conversation which had turned to Riley agreeing to pass on information he found out about Adam from the Initiative so they could defeat him. Buffy answered the phone and was silent for a while as she took in the information that was being passed along on the other end of the phone. Saffron could feel Buffy starting to worry as the conversation carried on. She thanked whoever was on the other end and put the phone back down quickly, before turning to the rest of the room to break the bad news to them all. The others had been silent throughout the call, they didn't need empathic abilities to tell that Buffy was concerned about what she had heard on the phone.

"It's Faith" Buffy paused, looking around the room to meet Saff's eyes, "She's awake. She beat someone up, took her clothing, and disappeared out of the hospital. No one knows where she is" Saff rolled her eyes and walked over shakily, her side still throbbing, to stand next to Buffy. Saff had never gotten along with Faith even before she had gone to the dark side. She hadn't liked how she seemed to take up all of Buffy's time and she had felt pushed away. Plus, the others used to compare her and Faith and pointed out a few similarities, to both of their annoyance, but the extent of the similarity was that they were both brunette and both appeared confident and could be described as having a biting attitude at times. Saff was always inherently kind despite her manner though and her intentions were pure, which she reminded everyone, differed from Faith. This comparison had always pissed Saffron off and made her despise Faith more than she already had. She silently swore at the universe for being so literal with the cards she had drawn earlier on. _Fucking Faith_.

"Oh great, I've really missed Evil Barbie: Slayer edition" Saff groaned, "Does she come with the murderous revenge or is that sold separately this year?"

"Wait, why is she Barbie?" Buffy got side-tracked by her cousin's statement.

"Evil Barbie, Buff. You're good Barbie" She patted her head softly in mock reassurance as Buffy rolled her eyes and started to discuss the best way to deal with Faith. Lots of scenarios were discussed and Saff cheered when Willow suggested beating the crap out of her. None of them knew that Faith had been watching them all intently from outside as they discussed the best plan of action. She had scowled as Saffron had cheered and stalked off into the night, her mind on making them all pay for what they had done to her and the mayor. The Scoobies, still oblivious that Faith had been watching them, went their separate ways and agreed to start the hunt for Faith as soon as possible. Buffy began to explain everything that went on with Faith to Riley as they walked hand in hand through the streets and back to her dorm.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was walking back through the college campus after her Creative Writing 101 course that she had taken as a minor. The sun was shining and she was in a pleasant mood despite the recent revelation that Faith was back. She had decided that Faith would probably stick to the shadows so she, and the others, were safe for now. She had her hair in a high bun, that she had quickly tied up out of her face as she had wanted to take more time perfecting the opening paragraph of the story that they had been challenged to write for the class that morning. She was wearing fake leather trousers and an old band t-shirt that she had found in the back of her wardrobe and thrown on before she headed out of the door. She was on her way to her shift at the second-hand bookstore, but she had decided to walk slowly and enjoy the good weather not caring what her miserable manager was going to say if she was late.

"Well, if it isn't my sappy English twin" Faith jeered as she stepped out of the shadows and into Saffron's path, alluding to the similarity people had always mentioned, "Missed me, Saffy P? Who are we kidding, course you did. Who else are you going to steal your style from?"

"Hey Faithless, haven't you heard? The evil slayer bit was so last season" She shrugged, "You're looking a bit tired, perhaps you should go back to that long nap?"

"Brave, considering B isn't here to hide behind" She laughed, seemingly enjoying the back and forth.

"I don't know about you, but I'm feeling _five-by-fucking-five_" She mimicked Faith in a fake American accent as she glowered back at her. Saffron was starting to panic as she could feel a slow rage bubbling inside of her, she knew it was from Faith. She also knew that this couldn't mean anything good for her.

"You've got balls, kid" She ruffled Saff's hair, "But I've got this" She smiled, brandishing an ornate knife that she had bought the previous night and inspected it in the light. She quickly shoved Saffron into the nearest wall and held the knife close to her neck. "Call it an early Birthday present"

"Aw, you remembered" Saffron retorted sounding a lot braver than she felt, as the tip of the blade was now touching her neck as she spoke.

"B took away mine, so I'm taking hers-" Faith was cut off by a roundhouse kick from the very Slayer she had just been talking about. Buffy and Willow had spotted Saff and Faith and the panic from the college students around them as they had spotted the knife at her throat. They had run over quickly as Saff was in danger, she had been so scared that she hadn't seen them come up behind Faith but she was grateful that they had.

"Sorry not today, perhaps you should try again later" Buffy said forcefully as they started fighting back and forth.

"Or you know, don't come back at all" Saffron called over with her hand around her throat as Willow crouched next to her checking if she was okay. Buffy and Faith traded insults and punches as a police car pulled up near them. The siren had startled Saffron as it had reminded her of all the sirens all of those years ago in England. She hated that sound. Willow swung her backpack at Faith which made Saff smile despite herself from where she was still crouching on the floor, still recovering from having a knife at her throat. The officers started to get out of the car and Faith started to run off, beating them up on their way. Buffy ran after her but stopped as realised that she had lost her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The alley was dark and smelled horrible, Saffron had been stood in the shadows out of earshot as Spike spoke to someone in a low whisper. She hadn't been to this side of Sunnydale before and the dark alleys and seedy looking bars fascinated her. She wasn't too bothered about what the meeting was about, Spike had suggested that they went for a walk so he could see a man about a kitten, or something. She decided that she didn't want to know, ignorance was bliss when Spike was involved, she had discovered. She thought about what Graham or the others would think about her being at this part of the town, accompanying a vampire to a meet in an alley, and decided she probably shouldn't think about their reactions. Spike sauntered back over to where Saff was stood as the small, scaly man he had met with scurried off in the opposite direction, she had her hands in the pockets of her blue denim jacket as she smiled at him.

He took out a packet of smokes from his duster and put one between his lips and then offered her the pack. She took one out and kept it between her two fingers, her light blue fingernails caught the light from the flame that came from Spike lighting up his cigarette as she waited to use it herself, having misplaced hers again. He stuck his hand out towards her and clicked the silver metal lighter to fire it up again nearer to her and she leaned in slowly, putting the end between her lips and inhaling to light up her cigarette. It was as if time had paused. They had both maintained eye contact throughout this, neither of them wanted to break it first as she straightened up and inhaled the smoke.

"So, this Faith, she's bad news?" He broke the silence eventually, weighing up his feelings towards this new slayer.

"Only if I don't want to be sliced and diced, I guess" She shrugged.

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much, Honeysuckle. I'm here ain't I?" He smiled with a macho arrogance as he took another drag from his cigarette.

"Yeah I feel so safe with you here to glare at her to death" She smiled over-sweetly at him, knowing he wouldn't like being reminded that he couldn't hurt slayers.

"Watch it, pet. You're one headache away from being a tasty meal yourself" He pointed at her sternly before returning to his cigarette. She just smiled at him and inhaled the thick smoke from her own cigarette. He started to shift a little bit awkwardly after that, checking his pocket and looking like he wanted to say something. She looked up at him with a slight frown of confusion painted on her features as she was about to ask what he was doing but she got interrupted.

"SP? And… Spike?" Xander questioned, his eyes looking between the two, not able to comprehend how the pair ended up in an alley together both smoking cigarettes. He blinked, was this a weird dream? She sidestepped away from him quickly, which had disappointed Spike.

"What are you both doing here?" Giles inquired disapprovingly, looking around at the disgusting alleyway.

"Me? Hey, I'm not the one out of place here. And Honeysuckle here is just _drawn_ to the darkness" He smirked cockily and gave them both a look, raising his eyebrows suggestively as Saffron rolled her eyes and went to stand next to the other two.

"That's enough of that" Xander pointed at Spike with a frown, "We've got a rogue slayer on our hands. Real psycho killer, too" Spike faked an interest in this new slayer as he had already been filled in by Saffron and asked if there was anything he could do to help. Xander thought Spike wanted to help, but soon realised that he didn't.

"I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where you are, and watch as she kills you. Can't any one of your damned Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all?" He retorted, as Saff mimed to cut it out from where she was stood slightly behind Giles and Xander, which made him smirk even more. "Thanks for the light, honey" he added as he winked and threw one of the disposable lighters she thought she had lost at her and she caught it quickly, muttering "_You_" in disbelief under her breath so only he could hear as he swaggered away smiling, as if he was out to find Faith.

"Go ahead! You wouldn't even recognise her" Xander called after him.

"Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith, criminally insane? I like this girl already" He turned back and walked backwards his hand at the height Xander had told him Faith was before he walked out of their sight.

"Well, that went well" Saff stated unhelpfully, trying to show that she wasn't dreading their inevitable questions as to why she was here and with Spike.

"What the hell, Saff? What are you doing here?"

"Yes, Saffron, you could have been killed. You really ought to be more, ah, cautious especially as both Faith and Spike have tried to kill you before now"

"Cool it, cats. I was looking for Faith, like everyone else. I think she used to rent a motel room around here somewhere" she replied coolly, "Ran into Spike and he asked for a light. It's like an unspoken rule not to be a dick and let people borrow your lighter" She shrugged as the three of them started to walk through the streets. The two men continued to lecture her on being alone in this part of town and she listened to them without any further complaint, satisfied that they didn't suspect her of having a friendship, of sorts, with Spike.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Buffy was in front of her, she was running as fast as she could to get to Revello Drive. Saffron was panting, cursing herself for not keeping up her fitness as she rounded the corner and ran, holding the stitch in her side. She eventually got to her Aunt's house, fumbled with the keys to the front door before running up the stairs two at a time and bursting in to see her auntie on the bed and Buffy and Faith fighting on the other side of the room.

"Hi, sweetheart" Joyce smiled at her, pleased that both of her girls had come to her rescue. Saffron started to untie her aunt as Faith and Buffy wildly threw punches at each other. They ended up leaving the room and fighting downstairs.

"Sorry I didn't come sooner, Auntie J" She said sincerely, she had really missed living in this house and she joined Joyce on the bed and gave her a big hug.

"I should get held hostage more often" She laughed as she hugged the girl that she saw as her second daughter tightly.

"Ooo post!" Saff noticed some cards addressed to her and grabbed them quickly.

"I think they're for your birthday, honey" She smiled and stroked Saff's hair as crashing and shouting could be heard from downstairs; Faith and Buffy were continuing their fight. Both women upstairs believed Buffy would win the fight and so they continued to stay out of the way.

"I'll open them tomorrow then, are we still going out for tea?"

"Dinner is booked for the three of us at that new Vegetarian place" She smiled fondly at their tradition they had had since Saffron had moved to Sunnydale. The three of them would go for a family meal every year on her Birthday, which was the main thing that Saffron looked forward to.

They eventually made their way downstairs as the authorities arrived and Faith's body was on the floor. Buffy turned and smiled at them and Saffron felt a strange feeling that she couldn't put her finger on. Joyce asked Buffy if she was okay, and Buffy turned away and muttered,

"Five by five"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

Saffron had stayed at Joyce's house that night, Joyce set up a movie night and Saff was allowed to pick the movie. Buffy was in the bathroom for a long time and Saffron thought she could hear her talking to herself. Buffy seemed off. Saffron knew something was up, she had been acting differently ever since Faith had left in the ambulance. She didn't want to stay for the movie night, which was unusual, Buffy usually loved popcorn and staying in with her mom and Saff. Saffron had also observed that Buffy had been using phrases that she wouldn't usually as well as saying some things that she would never mention in front of Joyce usually and even Saff's eyes had widened in shock.

Buffy left to go out while the movie was playing, she had on a low-cut top that Saffron had never seen her wear before, but she complimented it anyway because she though she looked nice in her outfit. Saffron tried to put her concerns out of her mind as she enjoyed a rare moment to just relax and watch a film. Unexpectedly, Saffron dropped her bowl of popcorn on the floor. Joyce looked at her with a look of worry, and Saff could feel her concern but it was as if Joyce was very far away. She had been hit with this incapacitating feeling she would usually get when she was around someone who was being deceptive. Her bones felt like they weighed a tonne and she felt very tired suddenly as she apologised to Joyce for dropping the bowl. They finished the movie and said their goodnights but Saff stayed behind saying she needed a glass of water. Instead she went straight for the phone.

"Yeah, hi, something's wrong in a big way. I need your help" Saffron stayed on the line for a few minutes, filling the other person in before putting the phone down and padding down the stairs to the converted basement room that Saffron had called her own since they had moved in. Joyce had had it professionally converted and it had been done up specially for her to give her some space while she got used to living with her new family. Saffron loved her room at Joyce's and she managed to sleep soundly, despite knowing that Buffy wasn't who she seemed to be.

_ **xoxoxo** _

That morning Joyce had made a special birthday breakfast of veggie bacon and eggs, sunny side up. Saffron struggled eating it, as the feeling had returned when she knew that Buffy was in the house since she had returned from her night out. Joyce had given Saffron her gift and hugged her as she had left for her classes without seeing Buffy properly. She planned to confront Buffy tonight at the Bronze where everyone would be meeting for her party. The day went quickly and she had a few people in her classes wish her a happy birthday, which she appreciated. She had briefly been back to her dorm to get ready for her meal with Buffy and Joyce. Hayley had hugged her and wished her a happy birthday and she was grateful to have her as a friend, despite their appearance being opposite to each other. Hayley had given her a silver charm bracelet, which she said she had bought at an antique fair which made Saff beam even wider. She loved reclaimed jewellery that had a history to it. The girls hugged and Saff said she would see Hayley at the Bronze later, giving her directions to it before going to meet Joyce and Buffy at the restaurant. Buffy didn't show at the restaurant, as Saffron had expected. Buffy would never have missed her birthday meal, Saffron was convinced that something very Sunnydale was going on. She said goodbye to Joyce after they had eaten and left for the Bronze.

Saffron had arrived at the Bronze to see Buffy dancing seductively with a group of men. She rolled her eyes as she went and sat at the table with the others, giving Willow a look. Saffron had decided to wear her fake leather skirt and a borrowed pink long-sleeved peasant top from Hayley which she was actually enjoying wearing. They all sang happy birthday embarrassingly loudly to Saffron and passed her the gifts they had bought her. Xander and Anya had jointly given her a gift certificate for the pizza place Xander had been working at. She knew Xander didn't have much money and appreciated the gesture and thanked them both warmly. Willow had given her a new pack of Tarot cards that had black background with intricate, silver designs on them, some clear crystals and lavender incense sticks. She hugged Willow to thank her and whispered something to her before she pulled away. Tara had been sat next to Willow and shyly passed saffron a card and wouldn't meet her eyes. The card had a kitten on it and said Happy Birthday, from Tara. This made Saff smile and thank her, trying to make sure she knew she was welcome. She had specifically asked Willow to bring her along. Graham walked over then, with a box wrapped up and handed it to her. She ripped the paper off to reveal a shoe box, she flipped the lid to reveal a pair of black heels. She smiled politely at Graham and thanked him by kissing him on the cheek.

"They're, uh, black. You like black" He said with a smile, proud of the present he had bought her.

"Yep, I definitely do" She replied as she removed her combat boots and put on the very high heels he had bought for her to prove that she liked them.

She got up from the table and stumbled in her heels to the bar to order herself a drink, she'd need one for courage for later on. She flashed the bartender her fake-id, wishing she was in England where she would have been able to legally drink last year. Instead it would be another two years to the day until she could drink legally. She started to walk back to the table, rolling on her ankle in her new shoes and almost falling to the ground, however a leather-clad arm grabbed her before she could fall.

"My bloody hero" She said checking to see if the contents of her glass were safe.

"One day I won't be here to catch you, honeysuckle" He purred, Spike still had a hold of her arm and there was not much space between them. With his other hand he took the id she had just used from her and inspected it closely. "Cleopatra?" He asked doubtfully but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

"Yeah, it's pretty" She shrugged. He fought the urge to tell her that her own name was prettier as he continued to smile slightly.

"Happy Birthday" He said sheepishly, letting go of her arm and putting his hands in the pockets of his duster. He seemed to want to say something else, but Graham walked up behind them and his smile vanished.

"Thanks, Spike" She said as Graham came and put a protective arm around her waist and asked her for a dance, moving her as far away from Spike as possible. Graham would have liked to take Hostile 17 to the Initiative right there, but it was Saffron's birthday, so he kept his mouth shut on the matter.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had been enjoying herself despite Buffy's attitude. She had seen her all over Spike, which had really annoyed her, but she had been quickly distracted by the others celebrating her. She had spoken to Willow again, who she had called up the other night and planned on cornering Buffy after Tara confirmed that something was up. She didn't ask how she knew, but she trusted both girls' judgement. She was outside having a cigarette by herself, thinking about her friends and how lucky she was to have the people she cherished so much in her life. She saw a blonde girl laughing arm in arm with a guy leaving the club. She noticed the blonde was her cousin. Crap. Buffy was leaving early and Saffron panicked as this meant that they couldn't do the truth spell that they had planned in the girl's bathroom of the Bronze.

"Hey, Faith!" Saffron took a chance and shouted loudly towards Buffy's back. Buffy swung round and made eye contact with Saffron. Now what?

"Bad habit, might kill you" She tutted as she took the cigarette from Saff and took a drag, before flicking it away, "If I don't first that is" Buffy started to punch Saffron successively in the head before kicking her legs from under her, she stumbled in her heels and fell to the ground with a sickening thud. Saffron wheezed and tried to get up, clutching her side desperately.

"Stop" She managed to rasp, holding onto Buffy's leg to try to appeal to Faith who was mercilessly taking her frustration out on her. The kicking didn't stop long after Saffron was knocked unconscious. Faith had run off into the night and Saff was too gone to see the tears in her eyes.

Graham had walked outside to find Saff where he knew she had gone for a smoke. She had been too long and he wanted to make sure the Hostile wasn't hanging around her again. He looked around for her with no luck, until he turned and found her in the fetal position on the floor of the deserted alley that was adjacent to the Bronze. She was badly beaten and her face had swelled and made her features almost unrecognisable to what she usually looked like. He had rushed over to her, but she was unresponsive. He called 911 and went to find her friends to tell them the news, his military training made him the perfect man in a crisis.

Saffron woke up in a bed that wasn't her own. The walls were white, and she could hear a faint beeping as she came to. Her eyesight was blurry, and she moved her hand to rub her eyes but felt a small pinch as there was a needle inserted into the back of her hand. Hospital. She mentally groaned as she realised where she was and what had happened with Faith. A kind nurse had entered the room to check on her and was pleased to see that she as awake. The nurse insisted she was recovering better than would be expected and told her that she would need to talk to the police. Saffron, however, refused as she didn't trust organisations like the police. Saffron was informed that she had several cracked ribs, a fractured arm and a badly cut and bruised face. They insisted it could have been a lot worse, and she knew that this must be true considering the amount of force Faith had at her disposal. The nurse left and must have told Joyce that she was awake because almost as soon as the door had closed, Joyce had rushed in with Buffy closely behind her.

"Oh, honey" Joyce sobbed when she saw Saffron's still swollen face as she had tried to give her aunt a reassuring smile. She held her hand and sat next to her on the chair next to the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Saff" Buffy said with tears in her eyes.

"Wasn't your fault, Buff. It is Buffy I'm talking to, right?" Saffron joked. She could tell that it was her cousin. The women sat together for a long time, Buffy informed her of everything that went down and Joyce listened in shock as well. Both of them needed to leave eventually and they all said a teary goodbye as Saff could still feel that Buffy felt responsible for what had happened. Saffron would have to stay in the hospital for a while longer while she had tests and was observed for a possible head injury due to the amount of swelling and they both promised to visit her every day.

Saffron didn't like hospitals. They smelled awful and she had spent a long time in rooms exactly like this one after her parents had been injured. Buffy had brought her a magazine to read to keep her occupied and she had noticed a bunch of flowers that had been left by Graham on her bedside table. She took a sip of water, her arm shaking as she brought it to her lips. The door to her room swung open, and a white-blonde haired man waltzed in, but he stopped in the doorway when he saw her face. He tried to play it off casually and continued to walk in. She smiled at him, but it was hard to tell with the swelling. She felt like she was one big bruise.

"You look like crap" He said simply, but he couldn't hide the concern in his voice as he launched himself into the chair next to her hospital bed.

"Faith gave me a makeover, don't you like it?"

"If I ever see that bint, I'll-" He seemed angry and she looked over at him, shocked at his outburst. Could he really care about her that much? A soulless vampire who constantly admitted to being bad and hating the Slayer and her pals cared about her?

"How did you find me, Spike?"

"Followed the sound of your Northern squawking, love" He paused as she stared, waiting for the real answer, "Just threatened every receptionist until I found the right room" He shrugged. They stayed sat together for a while, Saffron was thinking about Spike. How could she be friends with the vampire after their history? Why did she want to spend time with him?

Spike started to fidget in his seat, he looked almost embarrassed as he started reaching in his pocket. Saffron frowned as he pulled out a badly wrapped square in brown paper that had tape awkwardly stuck around it. He handed it to her without looking in her eyes and she slowly took the wrapped, flat square from him, frowning as she couldn't tell why he was handing this to her. She stared at it in her hand as if it was an alien object, flipping it over and looking at it closely.

"What is it?"

"Birthday present, love. Meant to give it you on the day but you were too busy getting yourself beat up" She got excited when she heard this and started to tear the paper off quickly to reveal a Cd case. She flipped it over and saw a handwritten track list in scrawled handwriting that she decided must be Spike's. She gasped, and then wheezed as she had shifted her broken ribs that still needed setting.

"This is the best! Thanks, Spike!" She gushed as she re-read the track list of the Punk mix that he had made her. He just shrugged as if it wouldn't matter to him if she had liked it or if she hadn't, but secretly he was pleased that she had. He stayed with her through the night, reading the girly magazine that Buffy had left for her while she had slept. She hadn't managed to sleep very well at the hospital, she couldn't escape knowing that she was in there and had started to get the nightmares like she had had when she first arrived in Sunnydale. Spike didn't know what to do to, he hated seeing her like that. A big part of him wanted to lie in the hospital bed next to her and hold her as she slept, whispering sweet things in her ear to calm her down but he knew that he couldn't. He told himself not to be such a pansy. The sun was going to rise soon, and he left her sleeping reluctantly as he made his way to his empty crypt.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_You spurn my natural emotions, you make me feel I'm dirt and I'm hurt, and if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse._

Saffron was sat behind the counter at Page Turners, the second-hand bookstore that she worked in, humming along to the song that was playing on the CD player in the corner. She had brought the mixed CD that Spike had made for her and it was loudly playing in the deserted bookshop. She hadn't stopped playing it since Spike had given it to her, much to Hayley's exasperation. She had a rare moment of looking after the store by herself. The manager was usually breathing down her neck when she was there as he seemed to have a problem with every move that she made in the shop. She had finally recovered from the incident with Faith and this was her first shift back at the bookshop since she had been in the hospital although her wrist was still in a cast while her bone was healing. Her boss had never asked how she was after her mysterious accident and merely sighed angrily when she told him she would need to take breaks to do breathing exercises to avoid infection as her ribs healed.

_Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone, you shouldn't have fallen in love with?_

Saffron was filing her nails while she started to sing loudly to the chorus of the song, she loved it and was pleased when she had heard it on the CD. She had painted her nails blood red that morning and was trying to make them look presentable while she had the chance. It was almost closing time and she was finally going to a party she had promised to go to with Hayley that evening and she had been excited all day. She sighed as she looked at the clock on the wall, time always seemed to be slower when she was at work. She had tried to get Giles to check for a portal or magics or something that could possibly explain how slow the rate of time went when she was in there. Saffron had 45 minutes left, and she knew it was going to feel like 45 hours. Plus, the manager would probably be back to tell her how useless she was at her job any minute.

_Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone, you shouldn't have fallen in love with?_

"What the crap are you listening to, Missy?" Mr Turner shouted as he took the plug of the Cd player out of the wall to silence the music. Saffron rolled her eyes and started to get up from her spot behind the counter and do something that looked like she was being busy. "Do you think I pay you to listen to this head banging nonsense?" She didn't answer him, only because she wanted to keep the job she had and she started to struggle with some books and put them in the back room. She went to the Cd player and swapped the Cd back to the acoustic music that usually played in the store and put her own precious Cd in her bag that she kept behind the counter. She continued to look busy and avoided her boss until it was time to leave.

**A/N: I have made the playlist that Spike gave to Saff if anyone's interested, I'll put it in here:**

**Ever fallen in love - Buzzcocks/My way - Sex pistols/London calling - The Clash/I wanna be Sedated - Ramones/Teenage Kicks - Undertones/Anarchy in the UK - Sex Pistols/No more Heroes - The Stranglers/ Sheena is a punk Rocker - Ramones/Pretty Vacant - Sex Pistols/Should I stay or should I go - The Clash**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Saffron could feel something, the feeling was new. She felt that something was coming, but she wasn't sure what. She had been walking to Spike's crypt of the week so that she could convince him to come to a Scooby meeting that was planned. She didn't realise that Spike had known she was in the cemetery as soon as she had set foot in it. He had hoped she would come to see him tonight and he smiled as he waited for her to join him. Tonight, she was wearing her usual dark jeans with a grey t-shirt and a black, patterned, long-sleeved shirt over it that looked suspiciously like one she had borrowed from Spike recently. Her pink cast was still on her arm, it was really annoying her and she was glad that it was being removed next week. She had been about to knock on the door when she had been hit with a strong emotion that she couldn't describe. To her, the intention felt cruel. She felt like she was going to explode from the inside out from this emotion and she wanted whoever or whatever it was to leave Sunnydale. But the feeling dulled slightly after a few minutes of waiting with her hand still hovering in a fist, briefly noticing that her dark purple nail varnish on her thumb was chipped and needed painting, about to knock on Spike's door. She tried to clear her head and breathe before she continued to knock on Spike's door where he quickly swung the door open to let her in.

A man prowled through the streets of Sunnydale. A toothpick between his teeth, the spur on his boots making a distinct noise that seemed to echo around the area. He was wearing a black cowboy hat low over his eyes, a battered leather jacket and trousers that looked like they had been mended and patched up a lot. He had grey stubble and his mouth was twisted into a constant smirk. He walked as if he was always ready for a fight and had his hands free to draw his weapon. He had walked up the street and stopped under the light of a rare lamppost in Sunnydale. He looked around, as if planning a route and smiled as he checked the device he kept in his pocket. It appeared to be a pocket watch, once silver but now dull from wear. It was on a chain that was attached to his jacket and he pressed the button on the top twice. Suddenly the face of the small clock glowed with an eerie green light as it locked onto the highest value of treasure in the area. His smirk widened until it became almost a caricature of himself. He started in the direction he had just walked from and his pace fastened as he started to follow the tracker. He licked his lips at the thought of finding it, the anticipation tasted almost as sweet as getting paid. Almost.

The walk around the Hellmouth was like having a stroll through an open bank vault for the man, every street he walked on his device made a noise to signal something of value was nearby. The man, though, was a high achiever. He always went for the highest prize in the vault, even if this meant more work. He always told himself that the prize was sweeter the more he worked for it. It also made him the most desirable in his particular line of work.

_ **xoxoxo** _

"You glow" Spike looked in Saffron's eyes, a hint of a smile playing on his lips as he walked along the pavement towards Giles' home, walking with Saff was his main reason for agreeing to go.

"Spike, I look like a stick of fucking plutonium" Saffron groaned, putting her hands out in front of her face inspecting the green glow that was covering all of her skin. It had started to happen shortly after they had left Spike's crypt and Saffron had shrieked when she had looked down and appeared to be turning into a walking green traffic light. She had started to glow in the dark and she quickly put her hands in her pocket to hide her bright green hands although there was nothing that could be done about her green face. She didn't know what to do, so she decided to consult Giles for help when she got there. She hoped that it had nothing to do with her abilities as she would have a lot of explaining to do. While the two were walking along the path, a shadowy figure walked up to them from the opposite direction. He stopped a few steps away and Saffron stopped dead when she felt him there. She knew something bad was going to happen. Really bad.

"Well, howdy there, sugar." He smiled, tipping his hat slightly "If I'd have known my prize was a purdy one, I'd have worn my good jacket" he whistled lowly at her as she stared, frozen to the spot. He rubbed his chin as if in thought, the scratching of his stubble made Saff shiver. Saffron was vibrating with fear, and Spike could feel it and he stood in front of her protectively. One hand was on her side, reaching backwards to try to comfort her.

"Y'all are quite the couple, shame I'm fixin' to leave with my prize tonight"

"There's no bloody way you're leaving with her tonight, mate" Spike insisted, shifting further in front of her. His stance signalled that he was ready to fight the man in front of them, Spike knew that he wasn't quite human. The man nonchalantly reached into his pocket and before Spike could even react a blinding green light flashed around the whole street and neither of them could see anything.

"Get the _fuck_ off me you John Wayne wannabe!" Spike heard Saffron scream at the man, but he was blinded by the light and dropped to his knees before falling onto his front. It was as if imaginary ropes were tightly coiling around him and he found himself unable to move as the light started to fade and he could now look up to see the scene before him. Saffron had a large glowing rope around her, that looked suspiciously like a lasso, and she seemed to be unable to move as well.

"Congrats, she's quite the looker." He winked as he caressed her cheek. She whimpered, numb to everything except his touch and Spike was angry that he was so helpless, "I think I'll enjoy our time together, the accent's exotic too" He laughed menacingly as he ran his hands through Saff's hair roughly. She tried to move out of his grip but with no luck and looked into Spike's eyes briefly in panic. Spike noticed that the glowing rope was electrified and Saffron was wincing with every small movement.

"Let her go" Spike managed to seethe through his gritted teeth as he writhed from where he was on the floor.

"No can do, she's my prize" He stroked her cheek again before looking back to Spike and looked in deep thought, "You seem like a bad seed, if you don't mind me sayin', here's my card if you need it" He reached from his pocket and dropped the card onto Spike's paralyzed body and left into the night with Saffron at his side.

Spike slowly managed to get up, long after they had left, from his spot on the floor and inspected the card that had been chucked down to him.

_Solomon "Wild" Westward. Lorgadair Collective_.

He cursed as he realised this meant he'd have to involve the rest of them. Spike roughly put the card in the pocket of the duster and stalked to Giles'. He knew this wasn't going to go down well and was already beating himself up, now he had to prepare for the Slayer to start beating him up for letting her get taken.

Spike had made it to Giles' and had managed to explain what had happened to Saff with minimal damage from Buffy. He had a slight nosebleed, but he took it as a win as she would have usually hit him a lot more, but she was distracted by losing her cousin.

"This, uh, Lorgadair Collective. Does anyone have any idea as to who they might be?"

"Collectors. They collect valuable beings, extract their energy and sell them for a high price" Anya shrugged as if it was obvious as Spike's eyebrows furrowed with concern. He wasn't sure if he should explain to the rest of them why the man would want Saffron.

"Why would they have any interest in Saffron?" Giles continued to wonder, and Willow started to search the internet for any information on the Collective. Buffy was pacing because she was so worried, she asked if she could just go and find the man and hurt him, but Giles convinced her that they needed more information before they could go on. They all stared at Spike, suspicion firmly on each of the Scoobies' faces.

"Did you do this to her?" Xander pointed his finger at him and taking a step towards him.

"No I bloody didn't, if I had I wouldn't be here would I?" He didn't want to reveal too much, she had trusted him with something and he knew the reason she had been spending so much time with him was because he was the only one that knew about her empathic nature. He didn't want that to change.

"Well, ah, you are always saying that you hate us all and that does include Saffron"

"Look, I know why he wants her but that's all I can say" Spike put his hands up and shrugged, as Buffy rounded on him and threatened him violently, she was worried about her cousin and was desperate to find out anything that would help them. He made a decision in the heat of the moment and told them everything. He would have done anything if it had meant getting her back quicker.

"I knew it!" Anya said happily, not reading the room where everyone else looked some degree of upset or concerned about Saffron and the fact she hadn't told any of them about what was going on.

"We need to find her. Now" Buffy said firmly, scowling at Spike and putting her hands on her hips. She looked to Giles to see what the books said about the Bounty hunters also known as the Lorgadair Collective.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The abandoned warehouse was damp and cold. Saffron had to hand it to Sunnydale, there was always an abundance of creepy abandoned buildings for bad guys to hide out; maybe that's why her and her friends always ended up being taken to horrible places like this. Saffron had been placed on a used mattress in the corner and her electric restraints had been removed and replaced instead with normal handcuffs. the cuffs were digging into her wrist and cutting into her cast and making her uncomfortable. But thankfully not as uncomfortable as the electrical charge that had made her emotionless apart from the pain. Her green glow had faded since Solomon had located her and he had taken her boots off and left them by the door of the room. Her shirt had also been removed and hung up in the corner next to his jacket.

Solomon was walking around his temporary digs. In an attempt to make it feel like 'home' he had placed his shoes and bag neatly in the corner, taken his hat off and hung a few pictures on the wall opposite. They were mainly scenes with horses and dusty plains that Saffron didn't really appreciate.

"Home sweet home" He laughed to himself as he placed his hat on the table in the centre of the room and leaned back in the chair, chewing on his tobacco.

"Hey, Butch Cassidy's Wild Reject. You gonna do the normal thing and tell me your whole plan before my cousin comes to kill you or what?"

"A sweet thing with a little bite, I like it sugar pie" He laughed and pointed at her before walking away from where she was lying. It creeped her out how nasty he was and she physically shivered when he spoke to her because it made her so uncomfortable. "I'm sure your cousin's very tough, maybe he took karate in high school. But he still fell on his ass like a damn fool" Solomon laughed, and Saff realised that she hadn't been taken because she was the slayer's cousin this time. She didn't know what to think. Still, she tried to maintain a brave face and do the smartest thing she could.

"This ain't my first rodeo, bucko." She attempted to mimic his accent, "You're surely about to deliver a monologue about what you're doing here and why you want me? Right?" She decided if she kept him talking it would delay whatever he had planned enough for Buffy to kick the door down and save her. Saffron didn't like that she had to rely on Buffy to come and save her but knowing that Buffy was around made her feel better, so she didn't dwell on playing the damsel in distress part too much. Solomon kept silent as he stared at her with interest, he hadn't expected her to be so forthright. Most of the emotional ones just cried or tried to influence his emotions to make him feel guilty. It never worked as his need for money and status was too high. He couldn't figure this one out, but he hoped this meant she'd come with a few more zeros on the end of her price tag.

"You're my prize. Ain't nothin' more to it"

"What does that even mean?"

"Baby, you're empathic" He shrugged and dragged out the word which made her shiver. He started to chew on a toothpick as he smiled at her.

"Systematic, why not bloody greased lightning?" she muttered under her breath, pissed off at the man not wanting to do a big reveal in typical bad guy fashion. She rolled over on her mattress, so she wasn't facing him anymore. She could hear him shuffling about the warehouse, he was probably fluffing up some cushions she thought bitterly. He started to hum a tune that she didn't recognise, but she felt something from him when she did. He kept humming and she could feel a nostalgia emanating from him, he had fond memories attached to the song and she could feel it was a happier time for him. She didn't want to feel this idiots' emotions, but she couldn't stop it.

She decided to try something. She couldn't stop feeling his emotions, or anyone else's, so maybe she could use it to her advantage. She focused on his other emotions.

"You're a greedy person. You don't have a very wide range of emotions to choose from, mainly just boredom and anger. That's a nasty cycle. Maybe you should try a holiday to the Bahamas, not the Hellmouth"

"Aw shucks, you just about figured me out sweet thing" He laughed, shaking his head. He'd heard it all before from his other prizes. They all met the same fate regardless and he got paid, and he never felt any remorse. She had been in the warehouse for twelve hours before she gave up on getting anything out of the man she had been taken by and she was losing hope that anyone was coming to get her. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she cursed herself for being so emotional.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Giles' house was filled with worry as everyone in the room was fond of Saffron and wanted to make sure that she was safe. Buffy had been anxiously rubbing her hands together as she looked around the room. She loved Saffron but she wished she didn't get herself into stuff like this so often.

"How can we find her?" Xander had an axe in his hand and was swinging it, ready to leave.

"I could ask Riley or Graham to help track him" Buffy said with her eyebrows furrowed.

"No" Everyone else chorused, Spike being the loudest. He was slouching in his chair, thinking about what he had told them. He had explained that she felt things that everyone else felt as if they were her own emotions, he had briefly mentioned the second sight she seemed to possess which he didn't understand why everyone seemed so shocked about. She read tarot every day and didn't even try to hide it from anyone. He was beginning to think these Scoobies weren't the most observant people. He had explained that she could tell when people were being deceptive and that she tried to follow her gut feelings because that's what she had learnt from researching online. He hadn't mentioned that they had spent so much time together, but he did want them to know that she had come to him to tell him. He slightly enjoyed the disappointment on their faces, but he also felt a small feeling of guilt again as he wondered what she would think of what he had told them.

"If she is, um, an empath as Spike is saying and her ability is strong enough to track, surely the Initiative would want to do tests on her or something?" Willow asked. She had been disappointed to hear that Saff would rather confide in spike than her, especially after she had told Saffron about Tara. They were all worried about Saffron and were doing all that they could to try and figure out where he would take her. Buffy had started to pace, almost wearing a hole in the floor. Spike was sat in the corner, his leg bouncing, as he flipped through a book he had been handed. Xander was still playing with his weapon, anxious to leave and find her. Anya, although not as obviously bothered as the rest of them, still felt Saffron's absence and was intently reading a dusty old book about Empaths and who might want to find them. Giles was stood behind Willow who was still on the computer and he was sighing and cleaning his glasses.

Willow suddenly had an idea, there was a spell she could use. A locator spell to find Saff. She told the rest of them and everyone quickly went their separate ways to find the ingredients they needed. Willow went to get Tara because they were stronger at magic together and they performed the spell to find out where Saffron had been taken.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was getting really nervous, she had fallen asleep in the dim light of the warehouse. When she had awoken, she had been moved from the mattress she had been given and strapped to a chair under a big machine. The machine was hard, silver metal and looked like one of those old industrial-sized hairdryers that they use at the hairdressers.

"Oi, Sundance, why am I stuck under the hairdryer from hell?"

"Sugar, I'll bite. Since you're such an appealing little thing, I'll tell you my plan seeing as no ones' a coming for ya" He smirked wider at the last part, he found it easier to extract their emotions when they were feeling intensely. His favourite was fear. "I'm collecting your essence. Your emotions, some may call it a soul. You're worth a pretty penny and I'm collecting my prize" Saffron's mouth gaped in shock as she heard the reason she was being held there. She moved her head and looked back up at the machine and closed her eyes. She didn't know who she was speaking to in her head, but she was asking for help. She opened her eyes again to see the man staring back at her, he seemed amused with her and started to chew on more tobacco as he sat and stared at her. She could feel that he was buzzing with anticipation, he was excited for what was coming and it sickened her. He was going to turn the extractor on in 15 minutes, but he needed to make sure everything was safe so that the expensive parts were extracted and the rest of her was left. The next fifteen minutes was excruciating for Saff, the wait seemed to last a lifetime.

Solomon started up the extractor from a safe distance away and stood watching as the machine started to kick into action. At the same time, Buffy and the others burst through the door and started to descend on the scene in front of them. Solomon was taken by surprise but was quick to grab for his pocket watch. However, Buffy was faster and knocked it out of his hands, snapping the chain that attached it to his jacket.

"That was a family heirloom, kiddo. You'll be paying for that" He snarled as he turned to start throwing punches at Buffy. She matched him blow for blow and realised that he was stronger than a human. His eyes flashed green but this didn't intimidate Buffy. While Buffy was fighting Solomon, Spike had run to turn off the machine and help Saffron out of the chair she had been strapped to. She briefly thanked him before looking over at the fight where she panicked.

"No! Buffy!" She screamed as she watched Solomon unstrap a gun from his holster and start to aim it at her cousin.

"God, what is this? Pistols at bleeding dawn" Spike rolled his eyes as he managed to hit the gun out of his hand before Solomon squeezed the trigger of the gun that was aimed at the slayer. He knew it would have hurt Saffron if Buffy had died and that was the only reason. Plus, he had wanted the pleasure of killing her when he got that chip out. Xander threw his axe towards Buffy and she used the weapon on the bounty hunter. Her anger was evident as she finished him off as she protected her cousin. Saffron could feel the anger as Buffy won the fight and started to walk back over to where Saffron had been sat.

"Saff, what's going on?"

"Clint Eastwood's ugly little brother over here wanted to nick my emotions and sell them to the highest bidder" Saffron shrugged as if it hadn't bothered her, "Thanks for coming to get me though" She added smiling at everyone.

"Uh, Saffron. I believe that Buffy was referring to the empathic abilities that led to The Logadair Collective coming for you" Giles explained as Saffron's face went as white as a sheet. She turned and scowled at Spike, who took a step back and looked away from her.

Saffron had followed everyone back to Giles', promising to explain everything when they got there. Spike had made his excuses and left towards his crypt and Saffron hadn't even looked in his direction when he had spoken. The scoobies were sat in a circle

"It might be easier if you just ask me anything you want to know" Saffron looked uneasily around the room, her usual cool façade was gone and she felt very vulnerable in front of her group of friends. She had felt like Spike had taken something from her by telling everyone before she had the chance to sort it all out in her own mind.

"Can you, uh, hear what I'm thinking?" Xander looked awkward when he asked her this.

"Nope. I can feel what your emotional state is though" She said flatly.

"Why didn't you say anything, Saff?" Buffy cut in, before Xander could ask something else.

"I wasn't ready, Buff. I was scared and overwhelmed and I just needed time" Saff looked down at the ground.

"You should have said something" Buffy replied firmly, Saff could tell that she was upset that she hadn't been kept in the loop.

"I know you're upset, Buff. In fact, I can feel it. How was I even supposed to bring it up? Hey Buff, how's things? Oh, me? I'm just feeling everyone's emotions as if they're my own and sometimes I feel everything so much that I can't cope and also I can tell when you're lying. Don't ask me how though, I just do" Saffron went off, her emotions were spinning and she didn't know if it was her own or others around her but she was upset that Buffy was blaming her for keeping secrets from her.

"I knew it! I knew you were cheating at poker!" Xander yelled and broke the tension that had been thick in the air after Saffron had finished speaking. Saffron didn't reply, she just gave him a tight smile before looking back to the floor.

"Saffron. It is important that you confide in us. I can do some research into your, ah, condition that might help you" Giles said, putting a hand on her shoulder as she nodded her thanks. He was fond of her and wanted her to know he wasn't mad at her for keeping things from him, he just wanted to help her. He turned to find some books then that he could start reading into Saffron's abilities.

The rest of them discussed everything long into the night and Saffron eventually felt more comfortable with her friends around her although she could still feel a strong sense of disappointment from Buffy and Willow, who hadn't really spoken to her much.

"I'm, um, sorry everyone. I know that I trust you all and I was definitely going to tell you, I was just trying to find the right time" Saffron said, before she was about to leave after a long night.

"It's not just that, Saff. You told Spike. Spike!" Buffy explained quickly before she stepped towards the door.

"He was just there, Buff" Saffron lied. She knew she should know better than lying about her friendship with Spike after everything, but she knew that the rest of them would be less forgiving after hearing how much time she had been spending with him. Saffron reassured them again that she'd keep them involved from now on as Buffy hugged her reluctantly.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was walking through the cemetery to try to clear her head. She was wearing a black t-shirt and blue ripped jeans as well as a grey plaid shirt over her top. She had enjoyed borrowing Spike's shirts and had bought herself one so she could slip it on when it got colder. It had been almost a week since Solomon had taken her to try and extract her emotions to sell on the black market. She had spoken to the rest of the Scoobies more since that night and the others had all forgiven her. Willow had been upset and Saffron had taken over Joyce's kitchen and baked her some chocolate chip cookies as an apology, promising she would be the first to know anything else. Willow was satisfied and the girls had hugged, and Willow had started talking excitedly about Tara and the spells they had been trying.

The only person she hadn't seen since was Spike, she hadn't tried to find him at night. In fact, she had been actively avoiding anywhere he might go during the dark. She began to think about how she had missed his company, as the man himself sauntered into view from a clearing in the woods near to the edge of the graveyard she had been weaving her way through. When he had seen her, he had walked towards her, lighting up a cigarette and offering her one. She shook her head and they stood in silence for a couple of minutes.

"You told them" She said simply.

"Love, I had-" Spike started his explanation but was quickly cut off.

"Don't fucking '_love_' me, Spike. I trusted you and you told them" She turned away and he grabbed onto her arm in desperation, he didn't want her to walk away and everything to change. She looked down at his hand and then back up at him. She could feel that he wasn't proud of what he had done. She looked into his blue eyes, and he stared back into hers. She could get lost in those eyes, she thought to herself. No.

She wanted to go back to his crypt with him and drink his liquor, but she couldn't get over that he had told everyone about her abilities. So for now, she couldn't stay with him. She slipped out of the shirt that she had been wearing and left him holding the shirt in his hands as she walked away. She didn't look back, or she would have given in and ran back to him. She had felt safe with him, although she would never admit that to anyone, especially not him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just adding a quick TW for violence against a partner. It's very brief but just a warning! xoxo

Chapter 11:

Saffron was stood with Willow, Tara, Buffy, Xander. They were all stood in a circle in the middle of the house party and Saff kept checking her watch because Hayley was supposed to be arriving soon. The music, to Saff's surprise, was good, and everyone seemed to be in a decent mood as excited chatter and drinking games were going on all around them. Saffron was wearing a long-sleeved black top with a long dark green skirt that she had bought when she had gone shopping with Tara that week. She decided her combat boots completed the outfit perfectly. As soon as Saff had arrived, she had felt a strange energy in the house. There were so many emotions present, but she couldn't tell what they were only that there was a lot. It made her feel queasy to begin with but as soon as she had started to drink and enjoy the party it had moved to the back of her mind. Xander was complaining about his relationship with Anya, and Saff couldn't help but think about how distant she had been with Spike recently. She missed him.

They had spoken since he had revealed all of her secrets but she hadn't been to see him very often. She had missed being his friend, he had explained that he needed to tell the others or they were going to dust him because they thought he was involved. She understood, but they still hadn't been spending time like they had before. She snapped herself out of thinking about Spike, and turned her attention back to the party.

Buffy had been dreamily staring at Riley as the others talked and it had made Saff laugh. She clicked her fingers and waved her hands in front of Buffy's face to pretend to snap her out of it.

"Earth to buffy" Saffron laughed as she blinked and briefly stared at Saff as if to tell her to stop before going back to looking at Riley. Saffron rolled her eyes and looked over to see what was so important about Riley and realised Graham was over there too. She smiled at him and put her finger up to indicate she'd be over in a minute and turned back to her conversation with the others. She laughed with Willow and Tara before reluctantly going to talk to Graham, which she found herself doing out of duty.

"Hey princess" He said leaning to kiss her cheek and put his arm around her shoulder possessively.

"Hey, what did I say about calling me that?"

"Sorry" He laughed and shared a look with Forrest before looking back to her. She chose not to question it because she wanted to enjoy the party. She took the beer out of his hand and took a sip of it herself before passing it back to him. She listened politely to the pleasant conversation between the three guys as Buffy joined them. She couldn't be removed from Riley's side for anything, not even a life-threatening apocalypse Saffron decided as she watched how close Riley and Buffy were. She was beginning to realise her relationship with Graham was different in many ways and this made her feel slightly jealous, so she was determined to prove herself wrong. She felt this indescribable force telling her she wanted to be like them. She left Graham's side to grab herself a drink and brought him another beer and when she returned, she was the most affectionate girlfriend she had been in a long time. He gratefully took the beer she had brought him and she sipped her own drink slowly as she stayed close to his side and started to reach up to kiss his neck.

Meanwhile, Anya and Spike were discussing their problems and drowning their sorrows together at the Bronze. They had been discussing how miserable they both were now that they didn't have their powers and Spike wished he hadn't taken all the killing for granted.

"It's a terrible thing, love is. I've been there myself" Spike said, not revealing that he was firmly there now. He had missed Saffron's company in his crypt and had been sleeping with the shirt that she had left in his hands that smelt of her. Whenever they 'accidentally' bumped into each other after dark she never seemed happy to talk to him for long. He wanted her back spending time with him. He didn't think that she was happy with Graham, and he thought they got on a lot better. Plus, she had confided in him first, hadn't she? Spike and Anya continued to discuss the nature of love and relationships as they nursed their drinks, trying their best not to think of the respective people they loved.

"Then there's nothing left but the vengeance. It's how it works" Anya concluded, feeling sorry for herself.

"That's if you can even get to the relationship in the first place" Spike muttered to himself, thinking of Saffron and taking a large drink from his glass. He thought about when he had explained what had happened when he had told the others about her. She had seemed to accept it,but she had left soon after. It hadn't been like before and she had barely visited him in his crypt anymore, which was what he had been worried would happen when everyone else found out. He wanted her to choose him. He knew he was in love with her now and he couldn't escape it. She was in his every thought.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Graham was sat on a chair with a beer in his hand as Saffron sat on his lap with her arm around his neck. She was whispering in his ear and watching him as he talked to some other people she didn't know. Saffron was determined to be a good girlfriend and was trying her best to show Graham she appreciated him, although it felt a lot like acting which she didn't understand. She did enjoy playing her role as supporting girlfriend, however. She could feel the lust vibrating through her as Graham seemed to be enjoying her change in mood towards him. She smiled at this and continued to whisper to him. Saffron didn't see Spike walk in behind Anya, but Spike definitely saw her. He burned with jealousy as he watched the girl that he loved all over another man. No matter if the man was her boyfriend or not, it hurt. He soon learned that he was in the Initiative's house above where he had been experimented on. He kept to the side-lines, not taking his eyes off Saffron. It was like torture, but he found himself unable to look away. He tried to chat up a few girls to make himself feel better, but all he felt was hollow. He only wanted one girl and she hadn't even noticed he was there. He decided to drown his sorrows in more alcohol, courtesy of the soldier boys.

Saffron got up to replace their drinks, kissing Graham slowly on the lips before leaving. Spike could feel his heart drop at the way she kissed him. Saffron walked past the staircase where Willow and Tara were talking. She heard Tara say that Will was disgusting and ran off, she looked up wide-eyed. She quickly left her empty bottles on the side and ran up to see Willow who looked distraught on the stairs.

"What was that, Will?"

"I-I don't know. It was so strange" She sighed and Saffron could feel how upset she was. Saffron had heard the way she had said it, it must have stung Willow.

"Hey, don't worry, there'll be some kind of explanation" She rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She knew Tara was completely besotted with Willow so there must be some kind of Sunnydale explanation for what just happened. She had observed that the house they had entered had a strange energy when she walked in but got too distracted by Graham to think about anything else. She stayed with Willow for a while before going back to get some drinks for her and Graham. Spike had been watching from the corner he was sulking in with his drink; his eyes still hadn't left her since he had arrived and he had been boiling over with resentment.

She was kissing Graham and when she moved away, she saw a familiar blonde vampire in the corner. He didn't seem to be enjoying the party and Saffron jerked awkwardly when she noticed that he was there. She moved from Graham's neck, still sat on his lap, she didn't understand why she would possibly be feeling so guilty. Their eyes met, but she couldn't hold his gaze for long. She looked away quickly and mentioned to Graham that she needed to go to the bathroom.

Graham had noticed Spike as soon as he had walked in behind Anya. He knew that if he made a scene and tried to take Hostile 17 into custody the sudden affection that he had been getting from Saffron would go. He had hoped one of his team would notice and stabilise him, but they were too busy drinking and having a good time. No matter where they were, he could feel the vampire watching them, he was sick of his obsession with his girl. He had seen it as soon as he had met him and had the argument with her. He hadn't mentioned anything to Saffron because he knew she'd just think he was being jealous and possessive, something she had told him to cool down on recently. Despite their recent distance, he had been enjoying that Saffron was showing him she wanted him, especially in front of the Hostile as it showed him that he didn't have a chance with her. He grinned smugly towards him as she had been kissing him, which Saffron had been completely unaware of.

On her way to the bathroom, Saffron bumped into the others who were all frantic. She hadn't noticed anything unusual as she had been too wrapped up in showing her affection to Graham. But as she looked around she could feel panic rising in the air. The others went to get Buffy and she ran over to Graham and Forrest who had started to make towards the stairs to sort out whatever was going on.

"Gray, I'll see you later" She finished, after explaining she was going to find Buffy. She batted her eyes at him, continuing her suggestive mood quickly before she turned to find her cousin and help fight whatever was going on.

"Touch not the impure thing. For ye shall perish. Find salvation in the cross of our Lord and Saviour" Graham recited as he stared hard at her, no emotion showing. He suddenly raised his hand and backhanded her with a lot of force. She was knocked to the ground and completely shaken as Forrest hauled Graham away to the Initiative. She reached up to feel her face, it was numb from the strike and she stayed there in shock as everyone was running around her. A hand reached over and grabbed her and hauled her to her feet. Spike. He had seen what had happened and managed to get out of his restraints in time to help her up and get her out of the house.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They had managed to get out but they had realised that Buffy and Riley were still in there. Spike had made his speech realising he didn't have a reason to stay and help and stalked off. He did, however, briefly look back at Saffron as he questioned whether he should leave or not but carried on into the night. He was worried about the way she had been after Graham had hit her; she didn't seem to be in the moment with the rest of them but he tried to shrug it off as he walked away to find something to eat.

Xander got thrown out of the house and the rest of them decided that their best bet was to find Giles and that was how they ended up watching him singing in front of the packed café. Saffron was too wrapped in her own thoughts to remember that she wasn't supposed to show her face in this one, but nobody seemed to notice her anyway; everyone in the room was watching the man singing expertly at the front of the room.

"I'm with you, Xand. They're being gross" Saff spoke up for the first time since the house as she heard the others become enthralled by Giles' singing voice. Xander was appalled by the other women in the room as they seemed to be swooning over his singing. Saffron saw Giles as too much of a father figure to find him attractive in any way. Giles had noticed them and went over to see what they wanted as he looked around the room obviously embarrassed that they had witnessed his performance. Saffron noticed the earring he had but in his ear for the night and a hint of a smile could be seen on her face. The others quickly explained the situation and they all rushed off to do some research on the building and figure out their next move. After a quick look into the history of the building, they figured out that the house used to be a children's home and decided to visit the woman that used to look after the children in the home.

As they walked through the streets towards the house of the old woman, Saffron hung back behind the rest of them. She was still deep in thought. She barely noticed when Spike caught up to her and matched her pace. She did, however, feel better with his presence next to her and they walked together in silence until they reached the house.

"Come in, come in" Ms Holt beckoned the small group inside her apartment and insisted she was already awake for early morning prayers. She was delighted that they wanted to hear about her achievements looking after the children. Spike had smiled at the invitation and stepped inside with the rest of them. He stayed close to Saffron, he saw that her mood hadn't improved since he had left earlier, and she still appeared to be lost in her own thoughts. He wished he could comfort her, but he didn't know how. The woman kept mentioning her work with the children with pride and Saffron kept rolling her eyes which made the old woman look at her up and down in judgement.

Saffron snapped when she heard her use the word dirty. It reminded her of what Tara had said to Will at the party. It made sense to her now, all those emotions she couldn't quite feel. They were repressed. Unhappy. This woman was the reason all the children felt so horrible growing up. She got up from her chair and ran at the old woman, her fist was balled ready to punch her.

"You nasty bitch!" She spat as she tried to swing at the old woman. The others couldn't do anything except watch with their mouths slightly agape with shock. They had never seen Saff so violently angry, although they did understand her feelings as the woman in front of them was clearly not deserving of the medal she had received. Spike had sprung up and grabbed her by the waist to stop her from reaching the woman. Saffron struggled to get out of Spike's iron grip but he kept holding her back as Saffron continued to scream insults at the woman who sat back and shook her head at the girl. Saffron knew she wasn't strong enough to get Spike off her, so she reached down and took her heavy combat boot off of her foot and threw it with all her strength at the old woman as she shouted, "Pride is a sin, you holier than thou-" but she was cut off as Spike started to pull her towards the door of the apartment and got her outside, leaving the others to deal with the old woman. She had wanted to tell the woman that her pride in her work with the children and her stupid medal was a sin, but she didn't have a chance to make her point properly.

"You alright, hone-" Spike stopped himself, "Saffron?" he amended, knowing he needed to show he was being genuine.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry" She said putting her head in her hands and nodding slightly in response to Spike. It had been a long night.

"Don't need to be apologising to me, love. That old bint deserved it, way I see it. Would have done the same myself if I could" He shrugged.

"Thanks, Spike" She leaned against the wall, calming down after her outburst and hoping someone collected her shoe for her when they left.

"I thought I'd better stop you before you broke your fist or something" He smiled and this made her look up and laugh slightly as she knew she had never been the best at fighting. Giles and Buffy had both tried to give her basic training, which she had tried very hard to practice, but she always ended up not being very polished when she went in to attack anyone. Saffron and Spike stood together, until the others came back out and Giles passed Saffron her shoe as he had stormed out, clearly angry at the woman himself.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had this weight pressing down on her, she could feel a fear that she couldn't shake. Today, it was her own. She was worried Buffy may die if she kept it up with Riley. They quickly walked towards Tara's room where they were going to see if they could contact the spirits. Spike followed them and nobody seemed to mention his presence, it was as if Saffron was the only one that acknowledged he was there. He didn't care, he was only there because of her. He looked at her as they walked up the stairs to Tara's dorm, he could see that she was worried for her cousin. He didn't care so much about the slayer himself, but he cared about Saffron. He could see her eyebrows furrowing as she was deep in thought since Giles mentioned Buffy could be in danger. He wanted to take her worry away, but he wasn't sure what to do. He reached out his hand and touched her shoulder. His touch was a lot gentler than she would have expected it to be and she took comfort in the gesture. She could feel an instant release of tension as she looked up to try to guess his intentions. They were walking behind the others and she looked over to see if they were watching them, she gave him a small smile and his hand lingered there before moving as they arrived at Tara's.

Spike had noticed her glance towards the others before smiling back at him. He realised that she was worried what they would think of them being friends and this made him frown. He went and sulked slightly in the corner of Tara's room as the others set up the spell and Xander and Anya grabbed some weapons. When they left the room, those that were left quickly lit some candles and the four of them prepared themselves for contacting the spirits. Saffron always worried when she was involved in spells as in Sunnydale, there's always a tendency for it to blow up in her face. Sometimes, literally. They sat in a circle around a small table and Tara instructed them all to hold hands. Saffron was sat between Tara and Giles and went to hold their hands. When her hand touched Tara's, there was an icy feeling throughout her whole body and it made her jump as they both snatched their hands away. They shared a look and Saffron nodded slightly to show she trusted her and to try holding hands again. When their hands contacted this time there was a cold feeling but it was bearable. Spike narrowed his eyes between the two women and wondered what was going on. Tara spoke directly to the spirits and asked them to bring forth their emotions and speak directly to them.

Spike was in the corner, watching them intently. He had stopped sulking and leaned in to watch Saffron more closely. She was focusing on speaking to the spirits, and he noticed she was still nervous. Something was going on with the witch that lived in the room too, Saffron could feel something when they held hands. He was in deep thought when the children appeared. Saffron started visibly shaking as she could feel so much anguish and emotional turmoil from the children. It was excruciating. She held on to Giles and Tara's hands for grim death, her grip so tight her knuckles were white. She wanted to help them, but it was hurting her to feel everything they were subjected to. Her eyes filled with tears and that's when Spike jumped up and tried to grab her out of the circle. He couldn't watch her getting upset like that for any longer.

"You can't break the circle!" They all looked directly at him and spoke at the same time. Spike backed off as if he had been smacked away by a large, invisible hand. He sat on the floor in a daze and watched as Saffron closed her eyes, releasing some stray tears, and spoke to the room.

"I know you are hurting, but your pain here is temporary. Let us be the balm that soothes. There's a chance for you all. You need to pass over" She spoke directly to the souls of the children, trying to reach them desperately. She could feel that they were conflicted at her words and wanted to believe, but they couldn't trust her. _That bitch_. Saffron thought about how that woman had damaged them as Tara started to speak up. All at once, the table flew across the room and broke against the wall. The children had left and the circle had been broken. Everyone was worried about Xander and Anya.

Eventually, they got a call from the others at the house to tell them that everyone was safe. Saffron was tired, she could barely stand on her own and she had had just about enough of feeling so weak because of how much she felt. It wasn't an ability, as Giles so enthusiastically called it, when all it did was hinder her life. She said her goodbyes and left to walk to her dorm. She got halfway down the hall when she felt someone was watching her from behind. She swung around to see that Spike was not-so-subtly following her.

"What are you doing?"

"I was, uh, reading these" He pointed at the flyers, one of which Saffron had made herself to encourage people to see her for Tarot readings. He wasn't very convincing.

"You want to read about…" Saffron made a show of looking at the noticeboard, "The Hawaiian themed summer social?"

"Thought I'd drop in" He shrugged keeping up his pretence.

"You know, you did pull off the Hawaiian shirt... although I don't plan on going – Hawaiian themed summer social? It's like having a Christmas themed Winter social" She shrugged and smiled at him, "Would you mind walking with me to my dorm?" Spike smirked at her and puffed out his chest with a macho arrogance that he just about got away with. He was satisfied now that she had asked him to walk with her, it beats walking behind her a few paces in the shadows.

He sauntered beside her, not sure what to say. He felt almost happy in her presence. It had been a long time since he had noticed that in himself. Real happiness. He kept starting conversations, things to say to her in his head but decided to just keep quiet in case he ruined it.

"You know, in the movies, the man that has been asked to walk the very attractive leading lady to the door usually says something witty to try and get himself into her apartment" She joked, looking at him to see what he would reply.

"Not interested, love" He smirked and winked to embarrass her that she had expected him to come into her room.

"Says the man prowling down the corridor after me" She huffed. He didn't say anything to this, he didn't have an excuse and she knew it. He did find himself smiling to himself that she had called him a man. They got to Saffron's room quickly. _Too quickly_, both of them thought to themselves. Spike leaned against the door frame and smirked as Saff leaned her back against the door. They stared at each other for a while, neither of them having to say anything. However, this was the point where Hayley started to unlock the door and Saffron started to stumble backwards but caught herself quickly.

"Oops! Sorry I didn't know you had company" she squeaked, not able to see Spike properly in the dimly lit corridor but she could tell someone was there. Spike quickly said something about leaving and Saffron said bye before entering her dorm behind Hayley.

"That wasn't Graham!" Hayley squealed and put her hands up to her face in a dramatic attempt at shock. Saffron sat down and explained everything that had happened that night. Well, everything that had happened minus the haunted house, the summoning circle they had used to detect the spirits and the fact that her cousin shagging Riley was battery operating the whole situation. But she did explain what had happened with Graham and how Spike had been there for her. They stayed up to talk it over almost all night and she really appreciated Hayley's advice. She was so grateful that she had Hayley to talk to. Hayley was strongly convinced Saff needed to dump Graham but she was having trouble explaining that he wasn't quite himself when it had happened.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The gang were having breakfast together the next morning, they had managed to squeeze around one table with their meals. Buffy was questioning them about Giles' singing as she seemed horrified at the idea. This had made Saffron smile at her cousin. Riley and Buffy were sat together and Saff noticed that both of them felt content with the other as they held hands on the table during the discussion. Anya and Xander had made up after their argument and were more in love than ever. Saffron liked watching her friends all loved up, their emotions were softer and had a pleasant edge that made her happy for them. Saffron couldn't help but think about Spike. She felt his absence more than she ever had before and found herself wanting him to be a part of her day more and more. She didn't know why, but she wished he was here at the table too.

"You have to admit, it was kinda sexy" Willow said about Giles' singing that they had witnessed.

"Will, babe, it really wasn't" Saffron patted Willows arm.

"Yeah, please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives" Xander agreed. They were all discussing what had happened the night before while Riley and Buffy couldn't stop having sex at the party. Saffron had told Willow what had happened with Graham at the party and she was glad that she could talk to her. Willow helped her feel better about it, she knew it must have been part of the haunting as it was so out of character for him. But she was still finding it hard to meet and talk to him about it.

"Saff, Graham says he's sorry he couldn't make it this morning. Is everything okay with him?" Riley asked as Will looked at Saffron with concern.

"Uh, yeah. Things got a bit scary back there. We haven't really spoken since" Saffron looked uncomfortable so Riley dropped the subject, he decided instead to ask Graham later what he had missed.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

_Spike was lying in bed next to Harmony, who was wearing pink lingerie as she lay unmoving and asleep. Spike had one hand behind his head as he lay there in his bed and one on his bare, pale chest. His usual slicked back hair was slightly curled today. He was staring up at the ceiling, seemingly in deep thought about something. Without warning, the door to the crypt swung open so hard that it hit the wall and made a loud noise that echoed around the room. Sunlight streamed into the room and Spike jumped up in shock and moved out of the direct sunlight in a panic._

_"Watch it, is there nowhere I can rest in bloody peace?" He snarled before he saw that it was Saffron that burst into the crypt as he squinted, not accustomed to the light._

_"Spike" she stated, her hands crossed over her chest as she made her way over to him, seemingly upset with him for something. Saffron stopped in front of him, looking up at his face as their eyes locked._

_"Honeysuckle" He replied, "When will you and the rest of the famous sodding five learn to leave me alone?"_

_"Missed me then?" She continued, ignoring what he said, "Guess not" referring to Harmony who hadn't woken up despite the noise and conversation going on in the crypt. She stepped forward; inches left between them as she put her hands on her hips. Spike leaned in and closed the space between them. Saffron couldn't remember why she had barged into the crypt so urgently as she was lost in his pale blue eyes. They stayed like that for a while, both lost for words._

_Out of nowhere Spike leaned down and caught her lips with his own and Saffron didn't even think twice before she kissed back with matching enthusiasm. It felt so right. They began to kiss with a desperate passion as Saff put her hands through Spike's slightly curled hair to bring him impossibly closer to her. She didn't want to lose the contact with his skin. Their kiss was rough and filled with feeling that had been left unspoken. They continued to kiss with urgency and Spike had moved his hands to hold her hips sometime since they had started their kiss. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him as they continued to share their long-awaited kiss with increasing fervour._

_"God, Spike. I want you" she moaned when she stopped briefly for breath and Spike started to kiss her neck, not able to take a break from what they had wanted for so long, "I want you so badly."_

Saffron woke up with a start and sat bolt upright in bed, the revelation of her dream shocked her awake.

"Oh, fucking _bastarding_ hell" She groaned and dramatically lay backwards, "_Shit_" She muttered. She turned and saw Graham sleeping soundly next to her as if nothing had happened. She felt incredibly guilty for dreaming about Spike like that. Her and Graham had made up since the party a few weeks ago, but she didn't feel as if they had much of a connection, at least at the moment. She lay there in bed, not able to go back to sleep as she couldn't help feeling that she missed Spike's touch from her dream. She felt alone in bed despite Graham being there and had to get up to get a drink and read her book to take her mind off what she had just dreamt.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The Scoobies were at Giles' for a scheduled meeting to discuss any recent events. Buffy was complaining that patrolling had been uneventful recently and Willow explained to Tara that this usually meant something big was coming. Saffron was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, her favourite food that she had discovered since moving to live in California. She knew not much had been going on lately, so she suggested that Adam might have something to do with it. The rest of them nodded in agreement. Giles finally called the meeting to an end, much to Anya's delight. Saffron had started biting into her sandwich as Giles called her over to where he had moved to sit after their fruitless meeting.

"Saffron, can I have a moment?" Giles beckoned her over to his desk and she followed him without complaint. The others stayed around for a while, half listening to Giles' conversation as they chatted amongst themselves.

"What's up, G?" She said between chews.

"I have been looking into your abilities, um, from what you've described you have one of the strongest empathic tendencies in a very long time"

"It's probably the Hellmouth doing something ooky to my brain" Saff shrugged. Her favourite excuse was blaming things on living on a Hellmouth.

"No, um, I do believe that it's you, Saffron. I've been doing some research-"

"You? Researching? Do you ever manage anything else?" She tried to joke her way out of whatever Giles was about to tell her.

"I have been doing some research" Giles repeated for emphasis, "And I have found some extremely interesting prophecies and fortunes about your abilities. I believe you have The True Sight, Saffron"

"Not another bloody prophecy, G" She groaned, "There's more prophecies in Sunnydale than hot days at this point. And boy, does it get hot here"

"Saffron, you would do well to take this seriously. It says the one with The True Sight will-"

"Oz!" This made everyone in the room look up to see the man himself stood in the doorway. Saffron didn't read the room, and she ignored the others' emotions for her own and ran to hug him and greet him before remembering that he broke Willow's heart. He put a hand on her back in an awkward return of her hug before she pulled away. Oz had always been cool with her and his humour had always made her smile in high school. She walked back over to the others, standing next to Tara who she had grown close to since Oz had left, as Xander shook his hand and everyone asked what Oz was doing here. Oz asked to speak to Willow later that night before he left to see if one of his friends had somewhere for him to crash.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was wearing black jeans and a pretty, lacy maroon top for their date. Graham had looked at the jeans with scrutiny but hadn't said anything, merely kissed her on the cheek and pulled the chair back for her to sit in. He had already ordered for them and the drinks were on the table already. Two glasses of wine. They were sat outside the restaurant so Saffron could smoke, and she lit up as she was talking to Graham about the events of the Scooby meeting. She left out any detail of her abilities as she had no intention of ever telling him.

"So, Oz returned totally out of the blue and everyone's like super shocked and I just run and hug him like some complete twat"

"That sounds like a normal greeting for someone you haven't seen in a while" Graham replied simply as Saff rolled her eyes and took a drag of her cigarette, making sure to exhale away from Graham's face. _Circuits might short. No, stop it._ She thought back to her conversation with Spike and quickly shook him from her head.

"Ah, but you're forgetting girl code: rule number one! Don't hug the ex that cheated on your friend and broke her heart" Saffron decided to leave out the part where Oz was a wolf and cheated on willow with a super-hot girl wolf as it might make him a target of the Initiative. She guessed their stance on werewolves was probably the same as their stance on anything non-human. They chatted about general things after that, college and what they should do at the weekend. Saffron was still unsure of what was going on between her and Graham after the party a few weeks ago, but she didn't want to bring it up at a restaurant. Their meal came just as they decided to just go to a party, he had joked that it would be less haunted but Saff couldn't muster much of a smile about what had happened that night. Graham noticed that she seemed distracted as if she wasn't quite there with him.

_"God, Spike. I want you" she moaned when she stopped briefly for breath and Spike started to kiss her neck, not able to take a break from what he had wanted for so long, "I want you so badly."_ She tried to shake the scene out of her head as she stared at Graham blankly, missing whatever polite conversation he had just made with her. She enjoyed her meal and tried to focus on being in the moment with Graham. After a moment she had noticed that Graham was wincing at any small movement that he made, he hissed in pain when he moved closer to the table and started to cut up his steak.

"What's wrong, Gray?" She asked as Graham started to describe how something had attacked him and some of the other guys. It was a rare moment where he was sharing something about his work at the Initiative, but she couldn't stop her mind from wondering back to the dream she had.

_Spike leaned down and caught her lips with his own and Saffron didn't even think twice before she kissed back with matching enthusiasm. It felt so right._ Saffron blinked hard as she tried to bring her thoughts back to the present and poured herself some more wine for something to do as Graham started to talk about something furry and feral that she had probably helped Buffy defeat before. She smiled and frowned in the right places in the story but certain scenes from her dream kept flashing before her eyes. Graham, as usual, insisted on paying and she let him before it turned into a full-blown argument. They shared a peck on the lips to say goodbye and left to go their separate ways.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Spike had been stood on the edge of the wooded area outside of Saffron's dorm, looking up and watching the light that was on in the room she shared with a friendly girl he had accidentally bumped into twice since he had walked Saffron to her door and subsequently started hanging around the campus. He hadn't always been as stealthy as he had thought. There was a pile of cigarette ends by his feet as he was stood in his usual spot, waiting to see if she was in and safe. Graham happened to be walking past with a bunch of flowers that he intended to leave outside of Saffron's dorm room as he knew that she was out with one of her friends that night. He hadn't asked who, in case she thought he was checking up on her, though he wish he had asked. He still felt guilty after the haunted house disaster and he had noticed she had been flinching slightly when they were together.

He stopped when he noticed a hostile they had been tracking for quite some time. He walked up to Spike who flicked his cigarette into the night. He didn't look pleased to see Graham and immediately got defensive in case he came to take him back to that awful place to be tested on.

"Bad habit, though I guess it doesn't matter when you're dead" Graham said referring to the cigarette he had flicked away.

"Just sweet Saffron's lungs you need to be worryin' about then" Spike said as he lit up another cigarette straight away. Graham's jaw tensed when he said her name like that, he didn't want him to even think about her let alone mention her name so casually as if they could ever be friends. He looked down then and noticed the cigarette butts on the floor before looking behind him over at the dorm room that Saffron lived in. He understood why Spike was there, he was watching her. He wanted her. This angered Graham more than it had at the party.

"Do you really think you have a shot with her, hostile?" Graham asked incredulously. Spike watched him, unsure what response would get him less killed. He hated Graham and he knew that the man stood in front of him had the upper hand. Graham could quite easily zap him with something and take him back to be experimented on. In fact, he was surprised the conversation had gone on this long with Saffron not around to step in between them.

"No" he answered honestly, "But a fella's gotta have hope, ain't he?"

"Not with this he doesn't" Graham replied firmly, rounding on Spike. Spike didn't seem intimidated despite the height difference and his inability to beat the commando up. "Give it up, vampire"

"You can't stop her from talking to me, soldier boy"

"You'll never be friends with her. And besides, being the boyfriend, I probably can"

"Was that before or after you used her as a punching bag, mate?" Spike sneered at him. That was when Graham punched him hard in the jaw. Spike went to punch him back, but just gave himself a horrible headache that added to his own injuries as he clutched at his head.

"Stay away, Spike" He muttered angrily, almost spitting the name the hostile called himself out of his mouth as a warning, then he stepped around him to go up to Saffron's dorm room to drop off the orchids that he had bought her.

At the same time as Graham and Spike's chat, Saffron was sat with Tara in her room. The girls got on well since their first meeting and Saffron felt guilty for greeting Oz the way she had. Neither had mentioned what had happened the first time they properly met, but it was always in the back of Saffron's mind. She knew Tara was a good person and she didn't want to upset her, so she left it for now. Saff loved Tara's room and felt instantly at home as Tara made them both some peppermint tea in cute mugs.

"Um, you know you don't have to stay here with me. If you have somewhere else to be…"

"Babe, we're friends. You don't understand how much I need a brew and a chat right now. If you don't mind me staying, that is" Saffron smiled at Tara as she shook her head, indicating she didn't mind her staying and she handed her a mug. She blew on it and sipped it cautiously as she sat on the grey beanbag chair opposite Tara's seat.

"I had a… a dream. About someone that isn't Graham. What do you reckon it means?"

"Was is a _fun_ dream?" Tara asked, with a knowing smile on her lips.

"If you mean was it a sex dream, not really. There was kissing, very passionate kissing. The kind where the music swells and the credits roll, and everything is right with the world" Saffron found herself gushing to Tara. She tinged pink at her explanation as Tara watched her wide-eyed.

"Was this guy- or, girl someone you could see yourself with?" Tara asked diplomatically.

"He's- well, it's- I'm not sure" She tripped over her words as she tried to describe her feeling towards Spike. "Anyway, uh, how are things with you at the moment?" She diverted the attention from herself quickly.

"Willow and Oz really had something. I can tell by the way she spoke about him. You ran to hug him when you saw him" Tara said, looking down at her mug as Saffron cringed that Tara had thought she preferred Oz.

"He still hurt her though which is unforgivable, and I really do think that you and Willow are meant for each other. It's the way you are around each other. It's special, you don't give that up for some flea-bitten dog" Saffron joked at the end, she genuinely liked Oz but she had more faith in Willow and Tara's relationship. She could feel the anxiety Tara was feeling about what was going to happen next between her and Willow. Saffron wished she could make her feel less worried, she had a feeling Willow would choose Tara if it came down to it. She reached out to put a comforting hand on her arm and something strange happened. She could feel the anxiety lifting off Tara as she absorbed it herself and she could feel a calming influence that Tara relaxed into. Saffron tried to hide her shock that she was the reason for the slight change in emotions and simply smiled at Tara as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Will you read my tea leaves, T?" Saff asked as she drained her cup and passed it to her friend.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The gang had descended on Giles' house as soon as they all heard about Oz being taken by the Initiative. The news had travelled fast and they had all got there in record time. She could feel worry in the room and most of it was from Willow. Saff was twisting the rings on her fingers, thinking of a possible way to get into the Initiative and get Oz back.

"It would be great if we knew two lovely gals dating men on the inside. Hey, wait!" Xander said in his usual way.

"I already called Graham; he won't tell me anything. It's all "classified" information" Saffron did air quotes when she said classified, she was over Graham's inflated sense of importance that he placed on the Initiative.

"And Riley isn't picking up, I left a message" Buffy added, after just getting off the phone. They all discussed what the best way to get into the Initiative was without Riley being part of the plan. Willow insisted on going to the Initiative with them and Saffron decided it was about time she stormed the place too. She knew, if anything, she got in the way when they did stuff like this, but she still felt she should go for the numbers. Plus, she enjoyed dressing up.

Spike appeared in the door and Saffron had mixed feelings as she saw him standing there. She couldn't help thinking about the dream she had about him. She was excited he was there but at the same time she felt incredibly guilty. She was watching his lips as he was talking, not paying any attention to what he was saying. She enjoyed watching his lips curl in the corners as he smirked the way he did. The others seemed to accept whatever he had proposed and all Saff could remember was being glad she could stare at him for longer. The others finalised the plan and started to dig into a chest in Giles' living room that contained costumes that they could use to infiltrate the Initiative. While the others looked for their costumes, Saff stayed stood where she had been when Spike came in and watched as he walked over to her.

"Don't come, love" He said in a low voice, so only she could hear him. She dared to look up into his eyes, and saw only genuine concern there.

"I need to. Oz is trapped in there and they're doing God knows what to him" Saffron insisted, she was worried about Oz.

"And you're what? Gonna intimidate the soldier boys by running away?" He continued, trying to put her off entering the military base.

"Yeah because you're such an asset, you can't even pretend to hit anyone" She reminded him, unhelpfully.

"Saffron, don't come" He paused, before adding softly, "Please, pet?" He had his hands on either side of her arms, she had never seen him like this and she shivered at his touch. He seemed genuinely concerned for her welfare which she appreciated, but she still wasn't having anyone telling her not to come. Oz was her friend and she needed to make sure he got out of there.

"I'm coming and that's that" Saff moved out of his grip and walked off to get changed into her uniform. Giles squinted at Spike as he had been watching the interaction closely and was concerned about how familiar Spike had been with her. Saffron was oblivious to this as she had put her old glasses that she had barely worn since she had moved to Sunnydale, so she looked like a stereotypical researcher and paired it with a pair of sensible heels and a lab coat. Her hair was harshly parted down the middle and slung into a low ponytail. She removed her nose stud and her usual silver hoops were out of her ears and replaced with studs as well as her makeup changed to look as natural as possible.

After Spike led them to the Initiative and let them in the back way, Saffron was shocked at the size of the military base she found herself walking around. She stumbled as they walked through the halls, as a horrible feeling hit her. She couldn't shake it. Fear and pain. It was slowing her down as she followed the others.

"Saff? What's up?" Buffy asked as she looked behind her while trying to navigate through the maze of the Initiative but got distracted as she saw her cousin's face white as a sheet. Saffron was leaning against one of the walls of the corridor, trying to collect herself.

"They're all in so much pain and the fear is almost as bad" She sniffed, dabbing the stray tears with the sleeve of her lab coat. Feeling the way that they felt upset her, she hated to think anyone could make any being feel like this and not see the harm in it. Spike looked at her in awe, she cared so much. Even for demons, their emotions made her feel for them. She was so different from him in that way, but he loved her because of the way she cared. The way she wanted to do everything she could to help anyone, no matter if they were demon or not. He fought the urge to go and comfort her himself and watched as Buffy comforted her slightly younger cousin instead.

They continued through the Initiative, on Saffron's insistence, and Buffy threatened the main Initiative man while Saffron helped keep watch. Saffron enjoyed being undercover, she had loved acting from a young age and kept thinking that she was missing a clipboard that would finish off the look. They managed to reach Oz and Riley but got surrounded by soldiers. She noticed that Graham was nowhere to be seen and she felt relieved she didn't have to face him in a situation like this. They walked into the elevator together in silence, Buffy still had a weapon pointed at the old guy Saffron didn't recognise but knew he must be important. They all agreed to split up as they left and Saffron followed Giles to his house, on his insistence, where they stayed and shared a whiskey, unable to sleep in case the Initiative came after them both.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Saffron was shuffling her Tarot cards slowly, her mind was on other things as she stared into the distance. Flashes of pink nail polish, that Hayley had insisted she painted so that they matched, could be seen as she kept shuffling her cards expertly. She had been enjoying breaking in the new pack that Willow had bought her. She decided she should pick out a card to see if she needs to hear anything. Ten of Swords. T_his represents a large betrayal that will affect the way you continue. There is the possibility of a loss, specifically a loss of trust. There may be a crisis in the next few weeks that is caused by this betrayal and the wounds shall be deep. This can be prevented, but the option must be presented in time._ Saffron was worried about this one. She had an opportunity to change something, but she didn't know what. She was deep in thought about this for a while before a ring from the bell attached to the door interrupted her assessment of the reading. She smiled when she saw who entered to store, she expected it to be the manager that had left for a coffee two hours ago.

"Hi there, is there a specific book you were looking for? Vampire romance novel perhaps?" Saffron smiled at her cousin as she offered her a book from the top of the pile on the counter before offering another, "'My lover, the soldier' has just come out in paperback I think". Buffy put her hands on her hips as she showed her cousin that she wasn't finding it funny. However, Buffy still continued to walk over to sit on a comfy chair near the counter.

"Won't the boss majorly wig if he sees you annoying customers?" Buffy replied as she flipped a book open and coughed at the dust.

"You want a coffee or something, Buff?" She asked, realising Buffy wasn't going anywhere fast.

"Nah, I'm only dropping in" She stared at the book for too long before asking slowly, "Did you know about Willow?"

"That she's gay? Yeah, she told me about Tara. It's not a big deal, Buff. She's the same Willow she's always been"

"I know it was just a, uh, shock" Buffy said carefully as she dusted her hands off from the book and stared at her palms with a look of disgust at all of the dust.

"I know, but one day it'll be the most normal thing" Saff smiled at her cousin, "You will barely remember a day that Willow didn't like girls"

"I guess" Buffy nodded in agreement, still coming to terms with her best friend's revelation. "Hey, we never spoke properly about that emphatic prophecy thing that Giles keeps mentioning"

"It's empathic, Buff" She laughed fondly at her cousin, "although he has been emphatic that I listen to what the prophecy says and study it" Saffron continued, adding a fake yawn at the end for emphasis. She twisted her ring in thought, she didn't know why she kept making up any excuse she could not to hear about the prophecy. She found it ironic how she always knew what everyone else was feeling but struggled to pinpoint her own emotions at times. It was as if she believed that if she ignored the prophecy that it wouldn't be true.

"You should probably listen to him, Saff. He's usually right about these things" Buffy shrugged as if learning there's an important prophecy written about you and your destiny was something that happened every day. Well, I guess to Buffy it is normal. She thought and frowned as she wondered how Buffy managed so well with everything that gets thrown at her. Buffy mentioned how everyone had seemed off with her when she had seen them earlier and she didn't understand why. There was a tension among them all and Saffron could feel that Buffy was feeling hurt about something that had been said. Saffron didn't press her for information, she just listened to Buffy as she explained what she was feeling. She also mentioned that she felt that she was always watching everyone else's backs as well as her own when she was fighting. Saffron wasn't offended by what Buffy said, she was glad Buff could talk so freely with her, and she was often the first to admit her combat skills were pretty much non-existent. "Anyway, what's the sitch with Graham?"

"He bought me white Orchids the other week" Saff sighed as if this meant something and Buffy just stared with a confused look plastered over her face. Saff rolled her eyes and explained, "Orchids are the flower of death, Buff. They're funeral flowers and I hate them"

"Did he know you didn't like the flowers of death?" Buffy asked genuinely, remembering that Saffron's parents had orchids at their funeral and mentally kicked herself for forgetting. Saffron thought about it carefully before shaking her head as she wasn't sure if she had mentioned it. Spike knows I hate them, she thought to herself silently. She decided to explain what had been going on properly, her and Buffy used to share everything, and she wanted to carry on after keeping the empath news to herself for so long.

"Uh I've been avoiding him. Especially since the Initiative and plus, he hit me, Buff" She said awkwardly, "I know it wasn't real. It was that evil bitch that ran the place, but even before that… that spark it's not there" Buffy frowned at what she said, wishing her cousin was happier.

"You've always been a romantic, Saff" Buffy replied, giving her a fond smile from where she was sat. Saffron had always been a contradiction, she acted like she didn't care but she was someone that cared more than anyone else. She was such a romantic but acted as if she didn't need that in a relationship.

"Tell no one" She glared and pointed a finger at Buffy as if she was threatening her and there was a slight pause before both of them fell into a fit of giggles. Buffy stayed until it was time for her to leave for her class and she promised to meet up with Saff later.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was sitting in Spike's crypt, she was casually flicking the ash of her cigarette and watching tv with him. She wasn't paying much attention, but Spike was engrossed, which made her smile when she looked over at the man she had been spending much more time with again. Her dream was still in the forefront of her mind as she watched him smile slightly at something that happened in the soap opera. She was happy in his company, but today there was a strange feeling that she couldn't describe. She had told him about Buffy and the others weren't getting on like usual and she had mentioned tensions were running higher than normal and he hadn't really seemed interested. Usually he enjoyed hearing when her cousin wasn't happy about something. Strange. Her thoughts changed back to Spike and the way she had felt in that dream. Something popped into her head that she had never thought to ask before and she couldn't help herself asking.

"That night, the night we met… why did you kiss me before you bit me?" She asked suddenly, with a frown of confusion on her face.

"Did I?" Spike said, not looking up from the tv. He shifted almost uncomfortably in the chair.

"You did, Spike" She asked, expectantly. There was a silence as Spike seemed to be considering the best way to explain his thought process that night. For a long time, he wasn't sure himself.

"Well, uh, as soon as I saw you-" He started, before shaking his head and started to think about it again, "I was gonna turn you, love" He finally admitted, looking over to her. She was shocked, she didn't know what that meant to him. She decided to try and cover her shock with humour.

"You were gonna make me 17 forever? Man, I would have resented you, I'd never have been able to order a decent drink" She smiled, thinking about how different she was now and how much had happened since. He shrugged and turned back to the tv, he didn't know what else could be said. She started to mention Buffy again and the feeling happened again. She noticed Spike shifting slightly away from her and that's when she knew. It hit her in the gut. The feeling was deception. Betrayal.

"It's _you_!" She jumped up from where she was sat and pointed at him dramatically. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself before, _stupid gut feeling's always right_, she grumbled to herself.

"What's me, love?" He feigned innocence.

"The ten of swords! It's you! Of course it's _bloody_ you" She looked up and rolled her eyes at herself as if it was obvious.

"I don't have the foggiest what you're banging on about, Honeysuckle" He said as he stood up himself and took a step towards her, but she backed away from him quickly. He stood still, his head to the side as he watched her get more annoyed.

"You're betraying us! You're like, uh, what's his name? Judas!" She pointed again for emphasis when she remembered his name, "You're stabbing us in the back, Spike! You're lying to us all"

"I just want my sodding life back! I want to feel the fear of the innocent…" He admitted, before he stopped himself, realising this particular argument wouldn't convince her, "Uh, I just want to feel like myself again"

"You're dead, Spike. Your life's long gone!" She pointed out, frowning at him from across the room.

"Love, I'm only helping that big lummox to get this damned chip out" He pointed and tapped his head in frustration. She shook her head at his reference to Adam. How could she have trusted him? She was mad at herself for seeing the good in him. She was so angry with him her voice started to get higher pitched, she couldn't stop it. He had hurt her.

"And then what? You _kill_ my cousin? _Ruin_ all my friends' lives? _Turn_ me?" She flung her arms out to emphasise her words, "Do you really think I could stand an eternity with _you_ after that?" She snapped at him, she wanted him to see that this isn't the only way. He could barely look at her, he hated it when she was disappointed with him. They stood there, staring at each other. He felt that awful feeling again. That guilt. Her expression softened slightly, as if she could feel it, "Do the right thing, Spike" then she shook her head as she left the crypt and slammed the door shut behind her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It was dark out and Saffron decided to walk to Xander's and see if he wanted to hang out, that is if he and Anya weren't having sex, again. She needed to find someone that she could explain what had happened with Spike and she knew Xander was firmly in the 'I hate Spike' club, so she decided to go to him first. If he hadn't been turned against her, that is. She wrapped her leather jacket around her and lit up a cigarette as she walked through the campus and onto the main streets of Sunnydale. Spike, who had been stood outside of her dorm, had seen her leave and didn't know whether to go after her or not.

She had been walking for about ten minutes when she felt the emotions of someone near her. The intentions weren't bad, but the emotions were very strong. They felt like they had been there for a long time, unchanged and festering. They reminded her of someone she knew.

"Angel?" She asked, a frown on her face as she squinted into the darkness, "Is that you?"

"What gave it away?" He said stepping out of the shadows and into the light of a street lamp. It lit him up like a spotlight.

"Might be the very tall vampire following me through the streets" She replied quickly, not sure if she wanted to reveal that she could feel the most intense sorrow and guilt she had ever felt in her life and had instantly thought of him. "I thought you were brooding on the streets of L.A, what brings you into town? Could it be a _girl_, perhaps?" Saffron smiled as he stepped towards her and he looked off into the distance. She could tell that he missed her cousin, she could feel it. If she was honest, despite the constant heartache on both sides, she had preferred it when Angel was around. When he wasn't evil, that is.

"You know, Giles has been in touch" He said after a silence, where he had appeared to be in deep thought. _Probably about Buffy_, Saff thought to herself.

"Never saw either of you as great pals if I'm honest" Saff shrugged.

"He, uh, was in touch with Wes actually" He conceded.

"Never saw those two as very good friends either" She continued, thinking back to when Wesley had replaced Giles as Buffy's watcher. She had never been a fan of Wesley either if she was being honest.

"It was more a collaboration of information. He was asking about The True Sight, ever heard of it?" He asked slowly, dissecting her reaction closely.

"Rings a bell, probably couldn't write you an essay on it though" She said lightly, as if it didn't mean much to her.

"Saffron, it's about you. Your empathetic capacity is, according to Wes, unprecedented and you need to take it seriously"

"I'll have a think about it and get back to you on that one" She smiled at him, valuing his seeming concern even if it was probably because she was Buffy's relation.

"If you ever need to get away from the Hellmouth, you're always, uh, welcome in L.A" Angel looked slightly embarrassed as he said this, although she could tell he meant it. He started to turn away before she stopped him.

"Hey, Angel. That means a lot, I might take you up on that one day" She nodded at him and hugged him to his surprise and Angel didn't know what to do in return, so he just let her hug him, "Watch out for the Commandos walking around like they own the place, they don't discriminate on the basis of souls either" She warned him as she moved out of the hug and watched him leave as he thanked her for the warning.

Spike had been watching the encounter from a distance, when he saw that his grandsire was in town he had rolled his eyes. _Peaches_. He didn't realise that Angel and Saffron had gotten on well enough for a conversation, what with all the damage Angelus had caused. He could feel a twinge of jealousy as he watched them interact. He had kept a large distance away so that Angel couldn't tell that he was there, which meant even with his vampire hearing he was having trouble catching the conversation. He watched her hug him and couldn't stop a low growl rumbling from the back of his throat. _Does she hug every bugger she meets?_ He thought to himself, sulking that she wouldn't even go near him because of what he'd done. He had made up his mind then, he knew what he needed to do. He stalked off into the opposite direction and into the night.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Xander hadn't been in the night before and Saffron had been busy all day with a long shift at the bookshop. She hadn't had a chance to warn anyone that Spike had been up to his old tricks, so when she walked into Giles' to everyone seemingly working in silence she hoped everything had already been sorted out. This, however, was not the case. She went and looked over Willow's shoulder to see how the decryption was coming along, Saff couldn't really tell so she just nodded and walked over to Giles who was having a drink. Buffy asked how long Willow would take and that's what started it all. Buffy ended up insisting she would go back to fight Adam alone as she didn't want the others in the way.

"Guys-" Saffron started to try to explain about Spike before being interrupted by the others telling Buffy she couldn't go back to fight Adam alone.

"He'll kick your arse" Giles said loudly, and Saffron turned to him and realised he was completely hammered. She took the glass off him with a slight struggle.

"I'm cutting you off, G"

"You can't bloody well tell me what to do, young lady" Giles said, pointing a finger in Saffron's face.

"I'm not trying to. I'll make you a coffee, okay?" She didn't take what he was saying personally and confiscated the alcohol, to his annoyance, she then started making some coffee in the kitchen. While she was gone, tensions were rising even more as she heard Xander shouting about being sent to the army which Saffron didn't understand, but knew it was something to do with Spike. She brought a mug of coffee for Giles and handed it to him. He started to take a sip but got distracted by something someone said and started laughing hysterically. The arguments continued as Willow caught something Buffy mentioned.

"'Witch stuff?' What exactly do you mean by 'witch stuff'?" Willow shouted and Saffron realised what Spike had implied to her and Tara. This angered her as Will had been so nervous to tell Buffy.

Saffron started trying to shout over them to get their attention, but no one was listening. She looked for Tara to see if she could get someone to help her, but she had disappeared with Anya. She was getting frustrated now.

There was a loud knock at the door and Saffron was the only one that had heard it. Everyone else was still shouting over each other and she had given up trying to make them listen and had just sat in the corner. She opened the door to reveal Spike in the doorway. The reason for all of this mess.

"You twat!" She slapped Spike in the face. "You made Tara and Willow feel horrible about being gay, Xander thinks he's useless and Buffy-" she went to hit him again but he grabbed her wrist before she made contact with his face.

"I'm here to make it right, Saff" He said, still holding her wrist. He didn't blame her for hitting him, it hadn't hurt but he could tell she'd put all her strength behind it.

"How can I tell you're not lying again?"

"You have my word, love" He looked down, knowing that didn't mean much anymore, before adding "That, and you can tell if I'm fibbing. Well? Am I?" She thought for a moment and took the discs off him silently. "They'll decrypt automatically, I was supposed to swap them earlier but-" She turned back to the room to see that everyone was still shouting, except Giles; he seemed to have gone upstairs, leaving his steaming hot coffee on the side. She silently nodded, acknowledging that she was grateful to him before she closed the door on him.

"Stop it!" Saff screamed at the top of her lungs, slamming the discs down on the table, "This is what's going down…"


	14. Chapter 14

It was the next morning and Saffron had convinced everyone to stay the night. She had grabbed extra blankets and sleeping bags from Giles' spare rooms and handed them out to her reluctant sleepover guests. It was like her 10th birthday party all over again, nobody had wanted to come to her sleepover. She had also left a bottle of water and some aspirin on Giles' bedside cabinet while he slept for when he woke up. She then started to brew some coffee to wake everyone up and make the discussion that was about to happen seem more civilised. The night had been long as she explained what Spike had done and she had had to physically grab Xander to stop him storming after Spike to try and stake him. Nobody had got much sleep as the arguments were still fresh in everyone's mind. Willow was straight on the discs as soon as she got up and Giles finally emerged from his room looking quite rough and sat on his sofa holding his head as the conversation continued around him. Saffron silently handed him a cup of coffee as she continued to be involved in the conversation.

"So, let's go over this again, these discs will get us to where we need to be?"

"Hold on, we're trusting spike now?" Xander questioned. He stood up again and started to walk around the room, Anya following him.

"Everyone with a convenient second sight that can detect deception, put your hand up?" Saff put her hand up high and looked around the room, "Just me then?" She added, looking pointedly at Xander who put his hands up in mock surrender.

"So, ah, forgive me for being a tad slow this morning, but what exactly is the plan?" Giles spoke for the first time that morning, trying to wrap his head around what was going on through his blinding headache.

"Right, one more time. Spike was supposed to mess with us all and stop us from helping Buff and well, that bit kinda worked. He tried it on me, but I spotted it, so he came clean. He's handed me the discs that decrypt themselves, Will has put them in her laptop and we'll find out where Adam wants Buff soon." She motioned to Willow who was typing away on her laptop, "As for a plan, I was hoping to open it up to the floor. Spike is meeting with Adam and pretending like their plan has gone smoothly and, in the meantime, we need to figure out a way to defeat him"

"He was very convincing" Giles said about Spike's deception as the others nodded absentmindedly.

"Yeah and I'd like to say he's very sorry but he's probably just sore I figured him out. Either way, he's jumped back onto our team because we usually win in these situations" Saffron stated, perhaps slightly unfairly as she knew their friendship had something to do with it. The others continued to discuss Spike's deception. "Well, let's do what we do best then – time to hit the books!" Saff said enthusiastically, trying to encourage the others who were still a bit distant with each other. What Spike had done was play on insecurities that were already there, so everyone was still upset. Saffron was doing her best to calm the room, the way she had with Tara, but it was taking a lot out of her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The plan was set. The ritual was ready to be recited. The weapons were at hand. All they needed was a quiet room and one big Frankenstein's monster of a big bad. Saffron had filled Spike in on the plan and told him to keep bluffing, which Spike was all too happy to do on the off chance he still got to get his chip removed by Adam. They were escorted in by the soldiers and taken straight to the commander. The man hadn't trusted them to begin with but when the locks all opened and allowed the demons to escape, everyone was taken to the control room.

The security cameras showed every inch of the Initiative and Saffron was watching the fighting happening on the screen. She was watching intensely, scanning each monitor for one person in particular. Well, one vampire. She was still worried about him, despite everything. She was relieved when she spotted his familiar form and smiled to herself when she saw how keyed up he seemed to be about the big fight he was involved with. She couldn't take her eyes off him as she watched him throw punches and kicks at various demons in his path. His fighting style was almost graceful, like she was watching a very violent and intricate dance. Her pale grey eyes followed him on each screen he appeared on and found herself to be disappointed when he seemed to be lost in the crowd.

Soon it was time for them to cross the main floor of the Initiative themselves, Willow had spotted the room Adam was in and they all made their way there. Saffron ran in behind Buffy and shielded herself against Xander as he was the one with the big gun in his hands. She could tell this was Xander's macho dream and she decided she would let him have this one as she ran across the floor to get to an empty room for their spell. They set up everything they needed for the ritual quickly, they had done one practice on the way over as getting this right at the correct time was important. Saffron had a good feeling about the ritual and she trusted her gut feeling, mainly because she needed this to go right. She couldn't lose Buffy.

"The power of the Slayer and all who wield it. Last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us and the powers we possess. Make us, mind and heart, spirit and sight, join. Let the hand encompass us" Willow spoke with great command, and Saff was impressed with her friend. She was getting to be really powerful. Saff was used to being involved in this kind of magic and tried to focus her mind completely on the task at hand. She had learnt the hard way that thinking about other things while doing an important spell often meant trouble.

"Spiritus: spirit"

"Animus: heart"

"Sophus: mind"

"Aspectus: sight"

"And manus: the hand"

They all said their respective card and completed the ritual. The four of them were all connected through Buffy and their powers united to create a vessel strong enough to defeat Adam. Saffron had never felt anything like it, she felt the bond and it radiated through them all with a powerful intensity. Every so often she could hear the door being slammed into by a demon through the barricade and she tried to put it to the back of her mind as she concentrated on the power radiating from the centre of the circle. The energy was draining her fast but she knew it was worth it. All at once, the ritual had ended and they were back to normal. Saffron was still trying to get her breath back when the barricade finally broke and a demon started gunning towards her. A flash of leather was close behind though and Spike quickly finished the demon off with a dramatic flair.

"Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?" Spike smiled with pride. The rest of the room didn't match his enthusiasm, however.

"Your heroism is slightly muted by your helping Adam start a war that would kill us before scurrying to our side when you were caught in your tangled web of deceit" Giles snapped from his place on the floor. He had been worn out by the spell too.

"He did turn it round at the end though guys" Saffron stuck up for him quietly and Spike looked over at her and stared at her for a long time, his expression unreadable.

"I don't buy it, he probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake him right here" Xander piped up, squinting at Spike.

"Well, yeah. Did it work?" He asked and looked around at the still drained gang sat in the circle. He realised he was safe and smirked at Saffron who was trying to muster the energy to get up from where she was sat. "Good work, team" Spike added with enthusiasm, pleased he wasn't getting staked.

Buffy ran back through the entrance with Riley closely behind her. They got up to greet her and Saffron hugged her cousin tightly. Buffy was pleased the plan had worked and was also glad Saffron was safe. The girls hugged and they discussed how impressed they all were with the ritual and Buffy's skills.

"We were so great" Saffron agreed with Buffy. Buffy started to delegate orders to everyone so that they could save as many people as possible and get out safely.

Spike stuck close to Saffron as they went back through the base where demons and commandos were still fighting fiercely. He had wanted a chance to speak to her, but there was no time. He managed to get some punches in when a demon came close and he kept his eye on her as she made her way through with the rest of the group. Graham came into view between demons racing past; his face was filled with rage and he was staring hard at Saffron. Graham pointed his blaster gun at the group who were following the path Buffy was making for them through the carnage. Saffron stopped dead, staring down the barrel of his gun. She didn't know what to do, she wasn't sure what his next move would be. He mouthed duck, and she did as he blasted a stray demon that was coming up behind her. She looked up at him from where she was crouched as Xander helped her back up. They all ran for the exit of the base, along with the surviving soldiers and Graham helped her through the door before he used the exit himself.

Graham was standing with a few of his team that had made it out alive. They were watching the security cameras to spot for any survivors as Saffron briefly told the others that she had better go over to him before tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Thank you for helping us all get out, for a moment there I thought you were going to shoot at us" She laughed nervously, finally looking up at hs face.

"You are a civilian, ma'am" He stated with a slight shrug, "I am sorry, Saffron" he added sincerely, apologising for everything that had happened between them.

"Me too, what happens now?" She said, "For Riley, I mean" She added quickly.

"There'll be a hearing, if he's found to be a deserter, he will get a dishonourable discharge. But I will do everything in my power to stop that from happening. Riley's a good soldier"

"And he did what was right, despite his commanders saying the opposite" Saffron couldn't help the dig. She looked over to her friends who were all ready to leave the base. She smiled back at them all and started to follow them, but Graham grabbed her wrist and she turned back and frowned down at his hand. She flinched at the contact and looked up to meet his stormy green eyes.

"What does this mean for us?" He asked, and Saff paused for a while before answering.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was sat on an ornate headstone with her legs crossed under her. She was waiting for Spike who she had told to meet her, she adjusted her silver necklaces slightly while she waited. She glanced around the cemetery hoping that no other vampire or demon would be having a stroll through the area as she had one stake and very little skills to use it with.

"You back in the land of the living after all that spell casting bollocks?" A voice asked from behind her. The familiar British accent made her smile before she turned behind her to see his face. His eyes seemed paler than normal although his usual slight smile he reserved for her was firmly on his face.

"Judging by present company, I doubt I am in the land of the living" She joked, gesturing at him and the surrounding headstones that surrounded her. She only managed to laugh at her own response weakly as the spell had drained her energy completely. She lit up a cigarette and offered him one, which he took casually. Her hands shook slightly as she lit the end but Spike didn't say anything, he just frowned as he watched her before lighting his own cigarette up. They smoked in a comfortable silence for a while, Saffron stole glances at him every now and again when he wasn't looking, and she didn't realise that Spike was doing the same when she looked away.

"You did the right thing" She stated, after stubbing her cigarette out and putting it next to her on top of the headstone for now.

"Did it for you, honeysuckle" Spike admitted, not quite meeting her eyes. Saffron shook her head, disagreeing with his response.

"You did it because you have the capacity to be a good man, Spike" She replied, firmly believing what she was saying. She looked at him with a sparkle in her eye and a small smile that suggested to him that she was almost proud of him. He had never seen this smile before and he tried to mentally savour the look on her face. He continued to stare at her with awe, he had never been described in such a way and he couldn't even try to tell her that he was still bad because what she had said had meant something. He wanted her to see him as a man, not a demon, and he vowed to himself to make her look at him with that kind of look again.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_It was a dark and cold night, there was a harsh breeze that gave her goose bumps as she walked. The cold was the type she wasn't used to since she had been in California. Saffron was wearing a long, black floor-length gown. It had a lacy pattern and the neckline of the dress dropped and showed a lot of cleavage and she found herself walking bare-foot across the cold, damp ground. She was in all black, including her long fingernails, and she had a silver cross around her neck as she walked through the night. She could feel predatory eyes on her, but she continued on her journey. She was walking through a graveyard, it was like the ones she was used to in Sunnydale, except it was about ten times the size and all of the grave stones were packed in, very close together. She weaved through the headstones, constantly looking over her shoulder as she could feel something following her. She suddenly felt a great sadness, like everything she had ever been sad about had descended on her all at once. She knelt between the twin-plot she had been drawn to. They were her parent's gravestones and she touched the earth in front of her, balling it in her fists and releasing it. She then reached over and traced the names on the stones with great care. She was so sad, she felt like she would never feel any other way. A hand was on her shoulder, she looked behind her through blurry eyes, it was spike's eyes that she met. He didn't speak, he just stared at her._

_He was gazing intently at her neck and she stood slowly, mesmerized by the look that he was giving her. She blinked slowly and Spike had changed into his game face and was covered in blood. His mouth was dripping with red and it was all down his front and on his hands. Saffron stared, she didn't feel scared. She subconsciously touched her neck though, as it itched. She moved her hand away and noticed her whole hand was covered in blood too. A thick stream of blood was oozing down her neck and slowly soaking her gown and her arms completely, as if her natural skin tone was blood red. They looked at each other again, neither of them saying anything, merely holding the other's gaze. The sadness that had swept over Saffron was but a memory now, as they both reached at the same time and held hands. They stood there, their hands interlocked, both of them dripping with blood and staring at the graves before them. Spike spoke for the first time since he had appeared behind her._

_"Better get going, love. Dawn's coming" He said, his head had moved to look up at the vast, starry sky. He motioned to her with his head, asking her to follow him as he reluctantly let go of her hand and started to dig in the fresh soil of the plot and he disappeared into the hole he had made. She followed him through the hole and scrabbled with the thick earth. It was soft to the touch and she didn't panic as she reached the end of the tunnel that she was following Spike through._

_She broke the earth and hoisted herself up, she was in front of the house she lived in at Revello Drive. She hoped Joyce wouldn't mind that she had dug her way into the front garden. She looked down, her gown was gone and there was no blood. She was wearing her usual black jeans and a band t-shirt._

_"Spike?" She asked, looking around for the vampire she had just been with. She seemed distressed as she looked around for him. She felt a chill as she knew something was coming for her. It was crawling towards her. She saw that the lights were on in the house and she walked towards it. She started to panic further when she found that the door was locked and she didn't have a key. She banged on the door frantically, hoping someone inside would hear her._

_"Buffy! Joyce! It's me! Let me in!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs as she moved around to bang on the window. "Something's behind me and I need to get in!" She kept hitting the window and Buffy slowly walked into view through the window, she smiled casually despite Saffron's panic and used her breath to steam the window up and she drew a heart with a number three inside it. She put her hand flat on the glass and smiled again. Saffron started to reach up and match her hand to where Buffy's was on the other side of the glass, but she felt a quick tap on her shoulder. She swung round quickly and found herself to be stood in a café that was across town from her house._

_It was the Espresso pump, a coffee place she knew well, and she frowned around the room as she didn't understand how she had got there so quickly. She was standing face to face with Tara, who must have been the one that tapped her shoulder. The room was freezing cold, as if she was stood in a freezer and she shivered as she looked at Tara expectantly. Tara had a large Tarot card in her hand and she passed it over to Saffron calmly, as she read the card that was now in her own hands. Death._

_"Will you look after this for me?" She smiled again, her smile was the warmest thing in the room._

_"What if I forget to give it back?" Saff asked, with a look of worry on her face as she looked down at the card she had been passed. She folded it up and put it in her pocket. Tara continued to smile and Willow walked next to her and kissed Tara on the cheek and they both turned to smile at Saff before walking away arm in arm. Saffron tried to walk after them but tripped and spilt her pack of cards over the floor. She knelt under the table to pick them up but banged her head as she heard her name being called from a distance._

_She stood up straight to find herself in a waiting room. She could smell the bleach as the white room had a clinical feel to it. Giles was there and she sat on one of the plastic chairs next to him to wait for someone to call for her again. He noticed the look on her face and held her hand and patted it to reassure her that it was going to be okay. A man was painting in the corner, he had circular glasses and a balding head and a strange look on his face. She watched him paint with great interest before he turned the easel around to show her what he had been painting._

_"And for the big reveal, the cheese is in the eye of the beholder" The man had drawn one single square of American cheese, actual size, in the middle of the large canvas. It looked so real she felt that she could reach out and take it. She started to before she heard her name being called again._

_"Saffron? Saffron Page?" A voice called. Saffron looked at Giles for help but he nodded as if to tell her to go._

_"I'm just waiting for my cousin" Saffron said, panicked about having to go alone._

_"It's now or never, kid"_

_"I need Buffy! Please just let me wait for-" Several men in military uniforms walked over, grabbed her and restrained her as they carried her into the optician's office. She was strapped to the chair tightly so she could barely move. The large eye testing machine was in front of her as the men marched out in single file. She could hear the opticians' voice but couldn't see them as the machine was moved to her eyes. The voice was filled with anger and she could feel it starting to fill her almost completely with an unshakable rage. The lenses in the eye testing machine kept changing rapidly but it wasn't helping her see any better. The final change was an acetate lens that was a purple colour._

_"Is that better?" the voice asked and she nodded to agree that she could see better like this, but the voice screamed loudly in her ear. It felt like the scream was still going long after and there was a ringing in her ears. "The light will blind you" She blinked slowly, as if she was sleepy until everything went black._

_Saffron had three lit cigarettes in her mouth at once whilst she was leaning casually against a brick wall. She was watching Graham fight in the car park of the book shop she worked in. The sun was setting and the last rays of the golden sun were just visible over the buildings. The car park was deserted and no cars were parked in the lot as Saffron inhaled the smoke from her cigarettes._

_"Left a bit, Gray" She instructed him, showing him with her own hands the direction he should go in. Willow and Xander were stood next to her chatting amongst themselves and she found she couldn't hear anything they were saying. The blue skies of the afternoon were now a distant memory, a pink hue had been painted across the sky as the night began to take over. The woman she had been running from earlier was there, her dreadlocks were hiding her face as she crouched ready to pounce at Graham. Xander offered Saff a lighter as she leaned in and quickly lit up yet another cigarette and had all four between her fingers as she inhaled, watching the scene before her. Graham suddenly straightened from his fighting stance and looked over to Saffron._

_"Better go, doll. The hostile wants to kill you now" He said before strolling away without looking back. Saffron didn't watch Graham leave, instead she was focused on the first slayer as she threw her cigarettes away. The slayer pounced on her and knocked her over. She straddled Saff and started scratching at her eyes with her unkept fingernails. Saffron tried to scream but nothing would come out, she was in extreme pain as the slayer tore her eyes to shreds and left bloodied ribbons in their place. She was completely blinded._

And that was when she woke with a gasp, holding her hands to her eyes. She opened them carefully and found she could see the living room perfectly and she was still surrounded by the rest of the scoobies who were all starting to wake up as well. They discussed their respective dreams and Buffy explained that it was the first slayer. They took turns to try and out-do each other in who had the weirdest parts and all of them lied about at least one thing they were too embarrassed to admit to in all of their respective dreams. Joyce had come downstairs to check on them and had realised she had missed something big. She offered them all hot chocolate and, to Saffron's delight, she had picked up some veggie marshmallows from the store just in case. Saffron thought about how grateful she was to have her friends and her family with her after that dream.


	15. Chapter 15

Saffron and Spike were sat together happily in the crypt. He had found a sofa for them to use when she came over to watch tv with him. She had smiled when she saw it and made herself at home instantly, taking the remote from Spike and smiling when he let her. She tucked herself into the seat and gradually leaned against Spike as they watched the tv together. Spike couldn't hide his happiness as he felt her weight shift onto him, and he could smell the familiar scent of lavender envelope him. She sighed contently as she adjusted herself and snuggled closer to him, her eyes closing and a smile on her lips. She had been much more affectionate since the bionic boy had been told to take a hike and Spike was really enjoying it. He moved his hand to softly stroke her hair and she relaxed further at his touch.

"I love you, Saffron" Spike said softly, his hands twirling a strand of her hair between his fingers. It was so soft and silky he loved the way it felt. Saffron visibly stiffened at his confession and she quickly sat upright and studied his face to find he was being genuine. Spike took this as an opportunity to pour his heart out to her, saying everything he had been thinking.

"One kiss was all it took, Honeysuckle. That sweet poison went straight for the heart" He put his hand over his heart with feeling and she could see his chipped black polish on his nails, "If it could beat it would only be for you. I can't hide it. I can't fight it. No use denying it now" He finally looked up to her face to see that she was staring at him with an expression he couldn't read. Her eyebrows knit together slightly and her mouth was slightly open.

"Spike, I-" She began but didn't continue, the possibilities of what she could have said were spinning around Spike's brain and he was getting desperate now. She was trying to process what he was saying to her, could he possibly mean it? Could he feel so much for her? She stood up slowly and Spike quickly stood to face her too.

"You're in everything I do. You're everywhere. I used to bloody count the times that you would look up at me when I was around you or at a damned scooby meeting and it was a stake to the heart all the times you were too distracted to look my way" He explained as Saff's eyes widened at how similar she had felt about him recently. He held both of her hands in his own as he waited expectantly to see what she would say.

"Spike, it's too soon…" She looked down at the way their hands interlaced. She frowned sadly but he took this to signal that she did have feelings there and pressed further.

"I know you feel the same, honeysuckle" He stared at her for some time, he wanted to see if there was any sign of reciprocation of his feelings, "It's not perfect, love, nothing is, but it's ours" He gave her a pleading look, he didn't enjoy looking this desperate but he needed her to know it's real. He needed her to know that she could trust him and she could admit her feelings too. She hesitated before responding, looking into his eyes as if she was staring into his non-existent soul.

"I-I can't Spike, I need some time" She managed to get the words out of her mouth hurriedly as she turned and ran out of his crypt just as quickly. He tried to keep hold of her hands but let her go and watched dejectedly as she ran into the night. She ran all the way through the graveyard and didn't stop until he arrived at the safety of her dorm room.

She hid under her bed covers for hours, replaying the conversation over and over and thinking of all the things she had wished she had said or done. She'd ruined everything. She had been so happy there on the couch with him and now she didn't know what she felt.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had been summoned to Giles' and she had run out of excuses. She had been chain smoking since Giles had called her to drop in so they can discuss the prophecy he had found. She was wearing a long, dark purple skirt that went down to her ankles and a black long-sleeved top. She was wearing her scuffed combat boots, which nobody would have been surprised to see her wearing. Xander had once said he was convinced that she wore them for bed. When she had arrived, Giles had been sat in the garden, admiring the new garden furniture he had bought. Saffron wasn't sure how he was managing to buy so much with no job but didn't want to ask in case it embarrassed him. He had been enjoying a cup of tea in the morning sun and smiled at Saffron as he saw her walk over to him.

"Ah, Saffron. Care for some tea?"

"Normally I would, G. But I have no plans on being involved in such a cultural stereotype" She smiled and sat down next to him. Giles could tell she was nervous and tried his best to be a comfort to the girl. But she really needed to pay attention to her future.

"Are you ready to study your prophecy?" He asked, hauling an intricate wooden box from under his new garden table and placing it on the tabletop. She rolled her eyes, it couldn't be on a laptop, could it. It had to be a freaky pandora's box filled with old scrolls. She started to read through a few scrolls that looked like that had been aged with old teabags for a kid's homework project. All that was needed was a few burnt edges and it would look like her primary school history book. Giles cleared his throat to get her attention before reciting a roughly translated version of the prophecy he had found. "The True Sight is possessed by the one that is pure of heart and mind. The light deceives and time shall cease as the apocalypse nears. They must defeat The Corrupted. They alone can fight their equal and become whole before the world's end"

"And why are we so convinced this is me?"

"Saffron, you have the sight. I should have noticed it sooner. Wesley and I have been sharing our resources and have both come to the same conclusion. It explains that the one that is pure of heart and mind is one that has been through hardship and still finds compassion in their heart. You are, ah, one of the most caring and genuine people I have met and I do believe, without a doubt, this is your fate"

"Thanks" She sniffed, not able to think of anything to say to divert from the fact that this made her emotional, especially since she could feel the warm glowing feeling of fondness and belief from Giles. She knew Giles had a soft spot for her, they had never acknowledged it, but they had a bond like father and daughter. Saffron felt beyond proud that he had this much faith that this could be her. They continued to dissect each word in the prophecy for what felt like hours before they gave up. "So, what I'm getting is there's a new big bad coming and I'll know he's here when my watch breaks and this corrupted dude comes to well, corrupt me?"

"Well, that is one interpretation we shall keep in mind. I'd like it if you would visit me once a week so we can prepare you as much as possible for what's to come" He frowned and she could feel his concern for her which wasn't filling her full of confidence.

"Sure, how about I make us something for lunch and we can get back to the researching after? That way we're getting a proper head start?" She did this to show her newfound willingness to be prepared, but mostly it was to make him feel better about her fate. If she was honest, she couldn't see herself winning in a fight against someone called the corrupted. The name would be great for a band though and she decided if she ever met him she would ask if she could use 'The corrupted'.

Giles and Saffron listened to the radio as they ate their lunch and Saffron had a quick smoke in the garden. Giles frowned and cleaned his glasses as she lit up and she responded by smiling widely, then offering the pack to him. He shook his head and continued to eat his apple and she inhaled strongly. The discussion about her fate was freaking her out more than she would like to admit to Giles, she wanted to research but she felt the weight of the pressure from the universe on her shoulders. She wished she could go to Spike and talk to him about it. No, she couldn't do that.

"Come on then, G. Hit me with the research" she said, trying to appear enthusiastic.

"The Empath is in touch with the raw emotions of those around them, and they have the capacity to be in tune with others and provide the answers to their emotional turmoil that they may seek. Great ability and power is matched with the capacity to spot deceit in any being that they are in contact with" Giles read aloud and Saffron started to switch off as she had done all of this before.

"Well call me Mother fucking Teresa and let's be done with it" She muttered, flipping through some musty tomes.

"Saffron. Language. You need to listen"

"But I live it, I know all of that" She sighed, "I can even elaborate. Dead people are a no go on the emotions front, but for some reason I can still tell when they're lying"

"Interesting" Giles said, and wrote something in his notebook, before continuing reading out loud, "Empathic individuals are rare and their ability must be practiced in order to harness the true power and avoid draining or depleting their ability. With practice, the natural abilities can grow and specialise with some able to influence others emotions at will and feel past emotions or memories with or without permission"

"Isn't that, like, dodgy? What if I woke up one morning and decided to be bad?"

"Yes, well, there is the danger of having power such as this and manipulating people or hurting them. But you are a good person, Saffron. That is why we are convinced you possess the True sight" Giles put his hand on her shoulder as she stubbed out her second cigarette and smiled at him, appreciating his faith. He then looked back to his beloved books and scrolls before reading another line to her, "An da shealladh is a term coined for the ancient ones that possessed such abilities. The ancients possessed a second sight that included empathic and intuitive individuals, as well as those with a premonition for future events. To have all aspects of the sight has not yet been noted in recorded history and would suggest an individual was meant for great things"

This last part worried Saffron. Giles had been right, this had to be her. She possessed all of the abilities mentioned. It was starting to become real. She was the one with the true sight, and it terrified her. She discussed the research for another ten minutes before making her excuses to leave Giles' home. She needed to be alone now.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron tapped her long, bright red nails impatiently on the table. She had decided to do some readings in the Espresso pump, she had even asked the manager permission which she had granted as long as she was buying coffees. She was pleased that asking for permission had actually worked and might try it in more places. She had run out of cigarettes and nobody had turned up since she had arrived. It had been two hours and she was so bored. She smiled and batted her eyes slightly at a few people to try and encourage them to sit down but no one was biting. She knew it was cheating to try and entice someone over and ask them to pay her for a reading but she really was desperate for at least one.

She had had a lot on her mind, what with the big prophecy and Spike's declaration a few days ago that she was still replaying in her head constantly. She decided she needed a distraction. She could feel the emotions of the people in the café and she tried to figure out everyone in the room. The older man in the corner was upset, she guessed he had been stood up. He was wearing a little bowtie and a corduroy jacket for the occasion and she felt sorry for him as she moved to look at the rest of the room. There was a young couple in the corner holding hands and staring at each other, they appeared very much in love but saffron could feel deception emanating off the ginger woman and she suspected she had cheated on the guy she was holding hands with. She had a wondering eye but she could tell that the man didn't have a clue as all she could feel from him was complete devotion. The woman and her dog sat near the entrance were both very happy, she had an Irish coffee and the cute dog had a little bone. There was a man in the corner, one that she had tried to flirt with to get him to join her, who Saffron could tell felt an intense grief that she hadn't noticed before. She felt guilty now, maybe she should buy him one of the sugar cookies to apologise.

She was disappointed when nobody came over to ask for a reading, although she accepted that everyone had their own life to be getting on with. She downed the last of her lukewarm coffee and started to shuffle the cards for herself, asking for the cards to tell her what the future may hold. Something told her to pick 4 cards, for the four main strands of her future. She trusted the feeling and began her selection from the deck.

Reversed Judgement. T_his is a major arcana and represents a strong theme throughout your future. This related heavily to the Universe is trying to send you a message and invite you to focus on something bigger, but you're not comprehending the gravity of what's to come. Perhaps you're afraid of the sacrifice you will need to make to heed the call, or you're worried you are not ready to step into a more prominent role and would prefer to hide behind others that are more accustomed to the role_. She decided that this was the most obvious to what she was feeling at the moment, she knew the voice was talking about Buffy and wished she could hold her cousin's hand through what was to come. She chose her next card carefully.

Ten of pentacles. _This is a sign that family is very important to you and you must cherish this time with care. There will be additions and subtractions, but you must remain true to who you are as a unit. Embrace the change and develop the bond. Being surrounded by the people you love, especially those who share your DNA, brings you great joy and happiness. You know you can trust your family whole-heartedly and they will be there for you, no matter what. Three is an important number and you must look for patterns in your relationships. You long to be connected to your roots and although this may feel impossible, you must rely on the recent connections you have with your kin_. She was grateful for her family in Sunnydale, despite missing her parents, she told herself to spend more time with the family she had here as she smiled at the thought of the love she had for Buffy and her auntie. She closed her eyes to pick her next card.

Ace of cups. _The chalice of love is overflowing, you shall make the right decision and change is for the better. Trust the feeling. It is exciting, like butterflies within, and you are so glad to have met someone with whom you can share a special connection. Give yourself permission to open yourself to giving and receiving unconditional love, and you will notice that affection flows effortlessly when you are in this state of mind_. This one hit her in the gut, she knew exactly who it was about but she was so scared. Her feelings scared her, and the situation wasn't ideal. Could she let herself love and be loved after everything?

The High priestess. _Another major arcana. The High Priestess is the guardian of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries. She represents the Divine Feminine, you have a deep connection to your intuition, compassion, empathy, and inner wisdom. You must continue to trust the messages that are sent to you and understand that your role will only ease when you walk hand in hand with the priestess between the conscious and unconscious mind._ This one spoke to her the most. She felt connected to a powerful feminine energy that she couldn't properly describe. A feeling in the back of her mind told her to trust the priestess and channel the subconscious in the future. She needed to stay present in both worlds to move forwards.

Saffron looked at the four cards that she had placed flat on the table in front of her. She thanked the voice that aided her with the readings, as always, and continued to study the cards for further meaning. She was very tired from channelling the voice and hearing about the future where a lot of it rang true had exhausted her completely. She looked out into the night as she considered walking back to her dorm but found she didn't have the energy to get up from her chair just yet. She didn't realise that a blonde man who had been smoking on the other side of the road had left seconds before she looked up, however her mind had already turned to think of him despite her not knowing this.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff had a lot on her mind as she tried to walk fast through the graveyard. She was wearing black combat trousers and a dark red halter top with her fake leather jacket over the top. She had a silver cross around her neck as well as her usual jewellery, just in case, and some stylish boots she had borrowed from Buffy that she insisted she needed to complete the look. Buffy let her but only if she promised not to scuff them as badly as her combat boots were. She had tried to dress the part for patrolling, even though she wouldn't be much help to Buffy. It had been two nights since her tarot reading at the Espresso pump and she hadn't stopped thinking about the cards she had drawn. She had decided to spend more time with her cousin though, which is why she was following her through the cemetery.

She was trying to keep up with Buffy who was patrolling at a quick pace through the area. She was struggling to match her pace and Buffy noticed her cousin getting slightly out of breath and slowed for her. Saffron smiled at her cousin and caught her breath, putting her hands in her trouser pockets as they walked.

"So, what's the deal with your prophecy?" Buffy asked casually, but Saffron could feel that she was nervous for her cousin.

"You'll always be prophecy girl, Buff. No need to be jealous" Saff smiled, knowing that's not what she felt.

"I'm not feeling the jealousy, I'm feeling worry-y for my little cousin" Buffy scrunched her nose up, thinking about her cousin having some big prophecy to face.

"Again, for the millionth time, our birthdays are months apart, Buff! Months!" Buffy smiled, it always wound Saff up when she mentioned the slight age gap that Buffy used to imply her seniority.

"There's an old-fashioned Gaelic name for what I am and everything, so it must be serious. The prophecy is pretty vague on the detail and big on the end of the world. I have to defeat some shady dude. You know, the usual around here. It also said something about me becoming whole, but I'm pretty sure I've never done anything half-measures" Saffron shrugged it off as if it was something that she wasn't too bothered about but Buffy could tell she was putting on a brave face. She didn't need to be empathic to know her cousin and she was worrying about her.

"No, you're all or nothing, Saff. I've seen you after a night out" Buffy agreed after frowning as she thought about how to comfort her. She ended up getting side-tracked by wanting to hear about her recent break-up, "What about Graham?" Saffron didn't understand what she meant at first then remembered she was asking what had gone on. She hadn't really thought about Graham since and wondered whether she should at least pretend to be heartbroken.

"Less said about him, the better" She decided to tell her.

"He did help us get out alive at the end" Buffy insisted, worrying about her cousin going through a big prophecy and a big break up at the same time. She'd been there.

"Do you need any help packing up your stuff? I'm so excited to go back home. I love my dorm but I mean I love Joyce's vegetarian lasagne and my cute basement room more" Saffron quickly changed the subject from Graham, she didn't want to think about it and make herself feel guilty for not feeling bad. She had so much going on in her brain and she didn't need to be reminded of him. Or anyone else.

"Oh yeah, and the fountain of cocoa she always has waiting after a rough night of slaying" Buffy agreed, thinking about how much she appreciated little things her mom did for her.

"And you can't forget movie nights with the buttery-est popcorn!" Saff added excitedly, almost tasting the buttery popcorn with anticipation. She was happy to be moving back in for the summer, she really had missed her auntie J. She couldn't wait to have the three of them under the same roof again. A vampire suddenly jumped out from behind a headstone and Buffy sprung into action as Saff backed away quickly, so she didn't get in Buffy's way. The vampire tried to say something clever but was cut off when he lost his voice because he was all dusty.

"You're so good at that, cuz" Saffron had always been impressed by how cool her cousin was, and also a tad envious that she could handle herself so well.

"What? Slaying? It's kinda the main job requirement" Buffy just shrugged.

"I just- I wish I could fight even half as good" She said quietly.

"Well we did try all those times in the library" Buffy smiled and pocketed her wooden stake.

"Yeah, until Faith came along and I was suddenly too useless to even teach" Saffron scowled as she said Faith's name, the memories of being beaten to a pulp were still fresh.

"Hey! That's totally not true. You were doing… well"

"You're so not convincing me. I can feel your deception from here!" Saffron pointed out and Buffy's face went a little pink before she smiled back at her cousin.

"Damn your spooky emo powers" Buffy laughed guiltily as saffron joined in with her laughter.

"Can we start training again? Only if you go easy on me?" Buffy nodded distractedly; her laughter was ghosted on her face as she was scoping the place out. _Slayer powers must be tingling_, Saff thought to herself. Another vamp came running towards them, seemingly out of nowhere, and Buffy simply stuck her leg out to trip him up before jumping on top of where he had crumpled into a heap on the floor and dusted him quickly. "They're going down easy tonight"

"Hey, they're going down easy because I alone can defeat them. It's written somewhere. I am chosen, you know" This made saffron laugh, she had flashbacks to when Giles used to remind her almost every day of his little speech. They walked in silence for a while, both of them thinking of different things and Saffron was trying not to think of someone she desperately wanted to see. They hadn't seen each other since that time in the crypt and that was almost a week ago now.

"Crap, I've got an early shift tomorrow" Saffron suddenly remembered out of nowhere and rolled her eyes at the thought of her boss in the morning, "He's worse in the morning, he stinks of beer and miserable old man smell" Saffron whined. Buffy gave her a pitying look as they walked through the exit of the graveyard and back through the campus together, they chatted as they walked through the streets to get to their dorms and Saffron decided to herself that she needed to make a decision.

_ **xoxoxo** _

"Honeysuckle" He breathed and stood up as he noticed her presence in the doorway. Spike had a black t-shirt that hung on him in a way that defined his physique perfectly, he had on his grey jeans and he was also wearing the black boots he always wore. The expression on his face was one of anticipation and pure adoration for the woman in front of him. Her chestnut hair was down, and it was slightly wavy the way he remembered it when they had first met. He hadn't expected her to come back any time soon. The empty liquor bottles littered the floor from the night before where he had drunk himself into another stupor of self-hatred after believing he had ruined any chance with her. She stepped forwards tentatively as she looked at the man in front of her and tried to avoid kicking over any empty bottles. She took a big breath, trying to figure out what exactly to say. She had rehearsed some ideas on the way over but none of it felt right. Here goes nothing.

"Spike. I feel something when we're alone that I've never felt with anyone before. I can't deny it, you're right. I don't think I have much to offer, but whatever I feel it's very real" She admitted, not able to meet his wide-eyed gaze because she often struggled to articulate how she felt. She continued to stare at the ground while Spike slowly walked towards her.

"I'm bloody drowning in you, love" He admitted as he stood close in front of her. He cupped his hands on each side of her cheeks and turned her head up slightly to face him properly. They both looked, unblinking, in the others eyes. Her eyes watered and his sparkled with wonder at the woman he loved and who felt for him too.

"I want you, Spike" She confirmed. And that was everything he needed to lean in and press his lips to hers. He started to kiss her with a desperate urgency as he poured all of his feelings from the past years into the kiss. She kissed him back with no hesitation and they were lost in each other for a long time. They were now on the couch and neither knew how they had ended up there with Saffron straddling him, both completely enamoured with each other.

She had to stop for breath every so often but Spike couldn't stop kissing her. He couldn't lose contact with her; he was still half convinced this was a dream. He kissed all of the soft skin that was visibly exposed as he moved his hands to caress her body under her t-shirt. He paid particular attention to her neck and kissed the spot that still had a mark from his fangs softly and with great care before making his way back to her lips. He was addicted to those lips.

They couldn't stop kissing for a long time, each of them pouring all the emotion into passionate embrace. The kiss switched from urgent and passionate to slow and tender and back again. He smelt so good, like leather and cigarettes and something else she couldn't name. She tried to express her feelings for him through her eager kisses, still not satisfied with how she had explained herself. But her mind quickly focused on other things when she saw the lustful look in his eyes as he led her down the steps to the lower level of the crypt that she had never seen before where a king-sized bed, much like the one from her dream, was made up for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the last chapter of season 4, please tell me what you think! I have plans for season 5 and 6 but I'd love any comments or inspiration! xoxo


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

Spike's crypt was cold, but the two lovers that were lazily lying in bed didn't feel it. They were so enraptured by each other's company. They had spent so much time together over the summer that Saffron had basically moved into the old mausoleum. Spike had settled in properly and added some home comforts to his crypt, he would be lying if he hadn't had Saffron in mind when he had made it appear more like somewhere a living person could stay in. They couldn't keep their hands off each other most of the time but this wasn't just a lustful fumble whenever they had the chance, their confessions of feelings had made their connection stronger and they couldn't fight their feelings for each other. Spike had noticed, however, that he had been the only one to admit that what he was feeling was love. He didn't want to push her into anything, though. He was happy holding the woman he loved in his arms and wouldn't dare risk anything that made her leave his side. They were on the lower level of the crypt that had been decorated nicely, Saffron and Spike had lost their clothes somewhere between the entrance of the crypt and the bed as they had both been a day and a half without seeing the other and this was too long in their eyes. They trusted each other implicitly, ever since Spike had turned things around after Adam and their trust had grown.

Saffron had a sheet covering her from the cold that she had reluctantly shared with Spike. She had wanted to stare at his sculpted body for a little longer but she settled for the memories from their most recent love making. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow and Spike watched as she adjusted herself in the bed. His own hair was curled as he hadn't bothered slicking it back just for her to mess it up again anyway. Plus, Saffron had let slip that she found it attractive when he left it like that. He had also had great pleasure from hearing that he had lived up to her expectations in the dreams that she had been having whilst she was with the waste of space commando that she had spent too much time with, in his opinion. Spike was laying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling as his honey moved to lean her head on his shoulder. She was looking at the cuffs still attached to the bed post with a big smile on her face, her face was still tinged slightly pink. She had a glow about her, she looked as if she was in complete bliss. Spike moved his head to look at her and smirked with pride at the way she was looking and kissed her forehead. He leaned his head back on the pillow, closed his eyes and lazily put his arm around her as she snuggled closer to his side and put her head in the crook of his neck. Her hand slowly moved to gently rest on his chest and she slowly traced intricate patterns with her finger as she sighed contently. Her midnight blue nails were visible as she thought about the summer they had had together. She smiled into his neck and inhaled his scent as she lay there.

"Do you wear cologne?" She mumbled, still in the same position. He frowned at her question.

"No… why? Do you want me to?"

"No, I like the way you smell now" She nodded along with herself, "I was just trying to figure out what you smell like. It just smells of you-ness I guess" She closed her eyes and smiled happily, inhaling the scent of her vampire as she settled back to where she was.

He knew then that he could never let her go, she was too sweet and soft to the touch. He wouldn't tell her this though, she would sulk if he called her sweet and he would find it even sweeter. He loved every aspect of her personality, he loved that she was so strong but she was comfortable enough to trust him with her softer side. She cared, she really cared. He knew convincing her to tell everyone about their relationship was going to be a task, he wanted to tell everyone he knew that she was his. But he couldn't. She was scared of being rejected by the others, and he knew that she had good reason. He thought back to the way the watcher had warned him away.

_Spike was lying on a concrete coffin inside one of the latest crypts he had dusted off to hide from the sun in. He was thinking about the way that Saffron had stared into his eyes, her light grey eyes had sparkled as if they were the most precious gem and he couldn't stop thinking about the way she had gazed up at him. He would give anything to be with her now, but she was probably busy with the bionic boy. He cursed him and wished that he had even a small chance of being the one that she would choose. His thoughts were interrupted abruptly by the door to the crypt creaking open slowly, and a figure appeared through the door, but Spike couldn't see properly as the light behind them made their face shadowed by the dark._

_"Spike." Giles said curtly._

_"Alright, Rupes" Spike said casually, adjusting the leather duster onto his shoulders properly as he got up from where he was lying._

_"This isn't a social call" He said shortly, standing with his arms by his sides, his stance appeared to be angry about whatever had happened._

_"Well do tell, I could do with a few extra bob" Spike shrugged, waiting to hear about the Scoobies' latest catastrophe that he was being roped into. He could do with a laugh, he hoped the boy or the slayer had found themselves in a nasty situation, perhaps one of them had been impaled on something sharp and pointy. That would teach them._

_"Stay. Away." He stopped after each word to emphasise that he was being very serious._

_"I haven't a clue what you're saying" Spike said casually, although he thought he might have an idea. Giles sped towards him and pushed his shoulder so that Spike hit his head on the beam behind him. He made a noise to indicate he was in pain, but Giles stayed in front of him threateningly._

_"Stay away from Saffron. I see the way you ogle at her as if she's some kind of bloody conquest you can win over to spite the rest of us. She is sensitive, especially since…" Giles tailed off, he didn't want to go into detail about the way Saffron was sensitive in case it gave Spike a way to worm his way in. He was also aware that Saffron would be mad if she had ever been described as sensitive, despite her empathic nature._

_"It's not like that-" Spike began, he didn't know if he would have explained that he was hopelessly in love with her, but he was glad that Giles cut him off. It would have opened him up to more ridicule or a good old-fashioned staking._

_"I don't care what it's like. Just leave her alone. She's not for you to interfere with, she's important and I won't have you hurting her" He pointed a finger in his face, he had brought ripper out for the occasion and Spike had to admit that the old man had some menace in him. Spike just stayed still and didn't say anything, merely staring hard back into Giles' eyes. Giles turned away and left the door open wide and left without closing it, leaving the sunlight streaming in and spike running for cover._

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron, Buffy and Joyce were sat in the living room in front of the tv. Saffron was enjoying family time and Joyce liked that she had company now her girls were back for the summer. She knew they would have to leave to move into their new dorms eventually, but she wished it wasn't so soon. The tv was showing a soap opera that Joyce watched religiously and Saffron dropped in on it from time to time to humour her. She enjoyed spending time with her auntie, and she didn't mind watching crap on tv. Saffron was settled under a fluffy blanket and stretched out on the sofa by herself while Joyce sat next to Buffy on the other. Buffy was ready to leave the house for patrol but she had got side-tracked by a dramatic part in the soap. Saff had decided to take a break from following Buffy around on patrol, she had been training all summer and she decided to give herself the night off. Her excuse tonight was that her nose piercing was flaring up again, which awarded her an eye roll from Buffy. She wished she could take the night off.

"Are those my hoops?" Saffron narrowed her eyes at Buffy as she looked at the large hoop earrings that were usually her trademark.

"You don't own all of the hoops, Saff" Buffy replied, still watching the soap as she ensured they were fastened in her ears.

"Are you avoiding lying to me because I'll know?" Saffron asked, still scrutinising Buffy's face to see if she revealed she had borrowed them without asking. Buffy stood up with purpose, not answering the question.

"Gotta go, gotta slay" She said with importance as she rushed out of the door. Saff rolled her eyes and decided to herself that meant she got a free pass to borrow something from her for the Bronze on Friday. She turned back to the screen and feigned watching and thought about spike. A smile was on her face as she thought about something he had told her the other day.

"You seem happy, honey" Joyce smiled warmly at the girl she loved as a daughter.

"I guess I am, J" She nodded and looked back to the screen

"Could this be over a guy, perhaps? She pressed, smiling in that knowing way. Saffron went pink as she was visibly embarrassed that Joyce could figure her out so quickly.

"Auntie J, _God_, a woman doesn't need a man to be happy" She feigned outrage at Joyce implying she was happy because of a man.

"Well, I know that. But I also know you, Saff" Joyce explained before checking, "Is he nice?" Saffron paused at first as she thought how best to describe Spike's nature.

"He is to me" She settled for a neutral response and smiled as Joyce looked at her to make sure she was being genuine.

"Do I get to meet him?" Joyce inquired, she wanted to meet someone that was making her so happy.

"He's a secret, not even Buffy knows. Please don't tell?" Joyce nodded and smiled at her niece, she felt significant to Saffron because she had been let in on the secret before anyone else. She imitated zipping her mouth and throwing away the key.

"So, how's the job hunting going?"

"Don't ask" Saff's happy glow had faded and she had started to scowl, "It's as if nobody wants to hire someone that was sacked for "stealing"" Saffron put stealing in air quotes and rolled her eyes bitterly. She was still mad at her old manager for firing her over nothing. Well, not nothing.

_Saffron had been slightly late that morning but she hadn't cared. She had been enjoying the morning rays as she skipped through the park. She had taken a long-cut, rather than a short-cut, through the park as everything had felt so much lighter since her and Spike had admitted their feelings for each other. She had spent the night with him, and she had enjoyed herself. Everything seemed better now they were together. She was firmly in the honeymoon phase and she was having fun. She had finally arrived at the bookshop over an hour late and she knew the miserable twat was going to dock her pay but she couldn't bring herself to care._

_"What time do you call this, missy?"_

_"I'd say about 11:14… no wait, 11:15" She said checking her watch and giving him the exact time._

_"Just get behind the counter" He ordered and stalked into the back room muttering about her lack of work ethic. She rolled her eyes._

_"Maybe I'd find a work ethic if you paid me minimum wage" She muttered back, slightly too loudly. She had always been a bad whisperer. The manager had heard her, but hadn't come in to scream at her, he had just let his slow rage bubble throughout the day. Saffron could feel it, but it didn't bother her. Let him feel like that, she told herself. He shouldn't be able to pay her less than minimum wage and she decided if it came up again, she'd say it to his face._

_After her lunch break, she had grabbed the rucksack that she had brought with her that morning and opened it to reveal a stack of books she had borrowed from the store to read. She knew she had to be quick and get the titles back on the shelf before he came back from his lunch break. She carefully took the three books from her bag and started to put them away. She had one left to replace, it was a horror novel that she had enjoyed, and she took it out of the bag and slowly walked over to the shelf it belonged on when she heard him breathing behind her._

_"Oh, you're back early" She said lamely._

_"Yes, and a good job too. You've been stealing from my store!"_

_"I don't think thieves usually return the books in alphabetical order on the correct shelf" She pointed out._

_"This is the last fucking straw you-you English harlot!" He made to grab her with his stubby fingers but she jumped out of the way and collected her backpack._

_"Woah there, harlot?!" She stared at him in shock that he would use such an old-fashion word, "I stole, I didn't have sex with your ex-wife. No, she left you because you're a pathetic, greedy man who doesn't care about anyone except himself" She spat at him, she knew half of the rage she felt was his but she let it all out on him. She made it to the front door and had one last look at the store before storming down the road to find someone she could vent to. She had only noticed half-way through her walk that she was still carrying the horror novel she had been trying to put back on the shelf._

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike was holding Saffron possessively close to him as he slept. His arms wrapped around her and his hands had a vice-like grip as if he was afraid that if he let go of her, she would vanish. He wasn't wearing anything and a thin sheet was draped lazily over him. Saffron was wearing a black patterned shirt of Spike's as she had gotten cold staying in the crypt, even with the bed covers over her. His eyelashes were so long and she found herself counting them while he slept through the morning. He had started to stir as he had felt her breath tickling him slightly when she had been counting. Saffron was propped up on her side and had started to trail soft kisses along his jawline as he started to wake. She cupped a hand softly on his cheek, tracing along his high cheekbone as she enjoyed kissing him. He smiled sleepily and opened one eye to reveal the woman that he loved smiling cheekily back at him. He raised his eyebrows at her as she continued to kiss down his neck, making sure to leave a single soft kiss on the side of his neck like he always had with her. She moved to nibble slightly on his ear and he smirked and grabbed her face to bring her lips crashing into his. She smiled into his kiss and enthusiastically responded, opening her mouth to allow his tongue entry. He had started to slowly unbutton the shirt she had borrowed from him, without asking, when there was a crash at the door and the two broke apart quickly. Spike could tell who it was at the door straight away and he looked at Saffron. She wasn't going to like this.

"Slayer" He muttered under his breath. Saffron heard this and her eyes widened in panic. She looked around the room at the stray items of clothing that they had taken from each other and discarded for their passion the night before. She quickly grabbed as much of her clothing as she could find and started to get dressed hurriedly before hiding around the corner from the bed. Spike had quickly put some jeans on and slung a red, unbuttoned shirt on his shoulders before climbing the steps to see what Buffy wanted. His head appeared from the hole in the floor and he quickly located the slayer who was stood near the sofa on the upper floor. He just as quickly observed that Buffy had picked up the red lacy panties that Saffron had been wearing the night before. She was holding them between her thumb and pointing finger and looked at them as if they were gross.

"Are these yours?" Buffy asked with a smile. Spike stalked over and snatched the panties from her hand and quickly stuffed them in the back pocket of his jeans. "I pity the poor girl that you tricked into sleeping with you, Spike"

"Did you want something, Slayer?"

"Information" Buffy punched him hard, "Now" as she continued to throw punches at him.

"Might need to know what exactly it is you want to know before you start knocking me about" He said, not showing her that it was hurting as much as it was. Buffy wanted information on a new gang of vamps that had arrived in Sunnydale and had been taking young men to initiate them before turning them. It was a vampire gang that you had to be tested to see if you were worthy before they sired you. Saffron remembered the meeting they had last week where they had realised that they had hit a dead end on the researching. Buffy had mentioned asking some of the demon snitches and hadn't clicked that spike was part of this group.

She had been listening to the conversation and had blushed a violent shade of red when she realised that Buffy had been holding her pants and had basically implied that she was some cheap shag Spike had picked up. She had bought the red lacy number the other day to tease spike with, and it had worked. She had already fastened the matching bra while she was hiding and cursed herself for wearing a skirt when she had arrived at the crypt as that was what had led to those panties being left behind. She heard the blows and winced, she had to stop herself from running up there and forcing Buffy off him. She couldn't let her cousin know that she was here. She didn't want to be dating a pile of dust. Buffy eventually left, satisfied that Spike had told her all that he knew. Saffron slowly walked up the steps to find Spike crouching on the floor and sucking on his bottom lip. Saffron frowned, wondering what he was doing but realised that Buffy had split his lip and he seemed to be enjoying the taste of his own blood. She stood with her eyebrows raised waiting for him to look up at her. He just gave her a look as if to question why she would think this was strange behaviour for a vampire. She frowned again when she saw the state of him and walked over to trace her fingers over his face.

"I'm sorry, babe" She said quietly, he only caught it because of his vampiric hearing.

"Nothing I haven't handled before" He shrugged, trying to play it down. But she was in contact with him and she knew his pride and his head was hurting.

"But you shouldn't have to handle her whacking you one when it's not even a fair fight" She said, irritation clear in her voice as she looked around for the medical kit Spike had invested in out of necessity. She started to gather a few supplies to clean his wounds.

"You could always put in a good word for me" He said, knowing already that she felt like she couldn't. Saffron thought about how she'd go about it. She shook her head slightly; she would give herself away if she started defending spike. She wished she could just come clean with everyone. She hated lying, especially to Buffy. But she couldn't risk losing her friends who she saw as her extended, chosen family. She felt as if she would die if they rejected her and she couldn't bear it.

"I need more time, Spike" She sighed, wishing she had the courage to tell everyone they were together and make sure her cousin didn't start using him as a punching bag, "I'm trying"

"I know, love" he watched her closely as she continued to clean him up and he decided that knowing that she cared was enough. For now.

Saffron continued to clean his split lip and tried to offer him comfort through her touch. She was like the strongest pain relief and he found himself leaning into her touch as she tried to rid him of as much pain as she could. She realised she needed to get going, Joyce was going to be wondering where she was, and she hadn't come up with a decent excuse yet. She kissed Spike on the cheek and promised to be back soon, then she reluctantly left.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The coffee shop was bustling with chatty customers and the staff were rushed off their feet. The sound of the coffee machine was a constant background noise and it vibrated in her head as if it was a large drill. Saffron had been enjoying that she had more free time to take readings and had made some more flyers that she was really proud of. She had a lit cigarette between her two fingers and her black nail polish was slightly chipped as she had forgotten to apply a second coat. Her usual silver rings caught the light of the café and she gave a big, fake smile through dark red lipstick at the woman that had sat down for a reading. She had tried to explain that she couldn't answer direct questions about what was going to happen in her relationship, but the girl had insisted she had a reading anyway because she had already paid her. She had been rude to Saffron since she had sat down and Saffron wasn't appreciating her manner as she seemed to look down on her. The woman had a large rock on her ring finger and Saffron would almost be impressed if she wasn't feeling sorry for the poor guy she was with. She had auburn hair that was styled into a choppy bob and her tanned skin definitely came from a bottle. Her perfectly bronzed skin made Saffron wonder if she should invest in a tan to make her look more like she belonged in California. She appeared to keep up her appearance and cared what everyone thought about her. She was the type of woman that had to have everyone's eye on her in the room.

"Okay, you need to pick a card now, Molly" She asked, trying to keep her mind focused on the reading she was about to do and not the annoying woman who thought her fiancé was cheating on her.

"Can't you put that cigarette out, I don't want lung cancer you know" She snapped at her. Saffron quickly stubbed her cigarette out in the ash tray and apologised briefly, she understood that a lot of people hated it and she appreciated that it wasn't the best habit. She started to shuffle the deck again and asked her to pick a card, as her mind had obviously been on her cigarette instead of the cards.

"The fool." Saffron snorted and tried to cover it up with a cough.

"_Ew_! Keep your cancer germs _away_! Now what does this mean about my guy?" She tapped the card impatiently, showing off her fresh manicure, as if she had somewhere to be. Saffron was still trying to hide the smile on her face as she gave her a quick description of what the card meant and sent her on her way. The woman seemed to soften at the end and thanked her, promising to be back again soon if the card was proved to be right. Saffron hoped it wouldn't be too soon.

She had been watching life in the café hurry around her, the waitresses served hot drinks and snacks and barely had a break because everyone had seemed to take a trip to the coffee house today. She had started to set up almost every night unless she was needed to help Buffy and the others slay something. She often went to visit Spike afterwards or he came to walk her back to wherever she was going, he had gotten more protective of her and he wanted to make sure she got through the streets safely. She had been distracted by watching everyone in the café rushing around her, focusing on different emotions until she noticed that someone had sat down in front of her. He cleared his throat and Saff looked up to be met with Graham's awkward gaze.

"Uh, Graham. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for a reading, doll" He produced a flyer and showed her.

"But you don't even believe in it"

"Well, mostly I wanted to see you"

"I thought you'd left sunnydale after the initiative disaster. What's left for you here?" Graham gave her a look that suggested she knew why he had stayed. There was a silence. It was tense.

"So, do you have the money? This isn't a charity, mate" He handed her a crisp $10 and she tucked it in the little box she had bought for her cash. She shuffled and asked him the usual questions and he chose his card.

"Three of swords. _You have suffered a recent heartbreak that you are struggling to come to terms with. The emotional connection you shared was the most intimate you had felt, but it wasn't reciprocated_" Saffron cringed and went red at the words no matter how true they were. She continued, "_Allow yourself the opportunity to experience these emotions, no matter how painful but you must focus on the future and move on_"

There was an awkward silence as Graham nodded once. He got up and walked out. He had obviously thought the words were her own, she knew he didn't believe in it. Graham walked out of the door and appeared to be shaking with hurt and anger. He looked up to see Spike smoking in the alley near the coffee shop and his mood instantly got worse.

Spike smiled smugly at him as he took another drag from his cigarette. He enjoyed seeing the tin soldier being taken down a peg. Graham stalked towards him in a fit of rage.

"You think just because I'm not with her you have even the slightest chance?"

"More than a chance, mate" Spike continued to smirk, blowing the smoke from his cigarette towards Graham.

"You might think you have her. But she's better than you and she'll realise it one day, hostile 17. The initiative may be over but it doesn't mean you get to walk free" Graham started to punch Spike in the face as Spike's face dropped at his words, the smirk wasn't even a shadow on his face anymore, "She deserves to be in the light, not stuck in some dark coffin you've trapped her in" Graham started to plunge the stake into his chest and Spike couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Graham! Stop!" He paused just as it would have pierced his heart. Saff ran over and grabbed his arm away. Saffron had been watching the exchange through the window and didn't know what to do. When she saw the stake she ran as fast as she could, which thankfully was faster than it had been since she had started to train with Buffy. "Gray, please... I'm sorry, just please" She cried in front of the two men. She felt so stupid crying, but she couldn't stop the tears from flowing as seeing the man she was with almost get staked was terrifying to her. She still cared about Graham, just not like a lover.

"Were you with him while we were together?" Graham asked. Saffron continued to sob in front of them and Spike wanted to go and comfort her but the stake was still dangerously close to his chest.

"Do-do you think if we were he would have been able to keep his mouth shut?" She started to wipe her tears on her sleeve. Spike pulled a face that suggested she was right.

"You're better than this, doll" He shook his head as if he felt sorry for her, but Saffron could feel jealousy shocking her like an electric charge as he walked into the distance. Saffron turned to Spike and they silently agreed to walk back to her house. Spike was deep in thought as they walked through the dark streets to Revello Drive. He only took her to the end of the street as Saff was worried Buffy would see them. He was still considering Graham's words, they had hit a chord.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

Buffy was running at a fast pace through the graveyard, this was her domain. She was on the hunt for more vampires to dust. Buffy was wearing red leather pants and a black polo neck top as she continued to sprint through the cemetery. Saffron was closely behind her, wearing patterned grey jeans and a black sweater that she wished she hadn't worn because she felt all hot and sweaty running after her cousin. A vampire hauled himself out of a freshly dug grave and instantly ran at the first human he saw, which happened to be the slayer. Buffy was kicking and punching the vamp, she had distracted him with a punch he was trying to defend before quickly dusting him with the other hand. Saffron was watching intently as Buffy was fighting in a way that meant Saffron could study her technique. Buffy had chosen simple moves for Saff to memorise so she could fight a vamp without the slayer power.

"And that, is how you do it!" Buffy said proudly, her hands on her hips as Saffron smiled in praise of her cousin.

"So, I do the old trick of misdirection then wham! Straight for the chest" Saffron imitated what Buffy had just done with her own stake. She thought maybe she could actually do that move and she was definitely going to practice it in the mirror later.

"See, you're getting it, I'll make an apprentice out of you, kid!" Buffy put on a funny accent and Saffron smiled but didn't miss that she'd called her on her age, again.

"Buff, not a kid, same age"

"You know, those extra months really count, I'm definitely mature girl"

"Buff, I'm super mature. You're-" Saffron was cut off, she could feel something behind her and she swung round to be met with a pale man coming straight for them across the graveyard. He had long hair and a black cloak surrounding his shoulders and she had to admit he was fascinating to watch, she could barely take her eyes off him. He floated towards them; his eyes were fixated on Buffy. Saffron backed away so she was standing slightly behind Buffy, she had been training but Buffy hadn't let her try a real vamp on her own yet. And this one seemed powerful.

"Very impressive hunt. Such power" He slowly glided towards them, he had finally noticed that Saffron was there too, "An da shealladh. The heart that beats for the world and the eyes that cry for it" He stroked her cheek lightly, staring intently into her eyes. Buffy quickly stepped in front of saffron to break his contact with her. She was ready to fight him, but he was more interested in talking to her, for now. He named her as the slayer and Buffy was introduced to the man before them.

"I'm Dracula" He stated as Saffron's eyes widened and she smiled with glee. _The_ Dracula, she thought to herself in excitement as Buffy verbalised her surprise. Buffy and Dracula continued their conversation as Saffron stayed mostly silent. Saffron could see Willow and Xander walking through the cemetery towards them and she tried to subtly gesture to them that it was Dracula. He looked at her with his head tilted to the side as if he was unsure what to make of her and her actions. She had put her pointing fingers on either side of her mouth to indicate fangs and she looked excited. Xander and willow looked at each other and hurried over. She visibly cringed when she realised both Buffy and Dracula had paused their conversation to watch her imitation. Xander made fun of Dracula and he ended up leaving, with the four of them staring after the bat that flew away.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had entered the Crypt and met Spike with a soft kiss. She took her purple jacket off and placed it over the arm of the chair. Spike was mixing them drinks, he already had a blood and vodka cocktail for himself and he was fixing Saffron something with less O negative in it.

"You will never guess who I met last night!" She was practically buzzing with excitement as she waited impatiently for him to actually guess. Spike turned to look at her, searching her face for a hint.

"Give us a sodding clue, pet" He said, already tired of the guessing game as he passed her the glass he had made for her and sat next to her on the sofa.

"This is definitely my cup, right? I don't want a repeat of the other week" She sniffed the glass tentatively trying to spot any blood in her glass.

"Vodka and cranberry, love" He said with an eye roll, she hadn't let him forget it since it had happened, "Anyway, who's this very important demon?"

"Dracula! I met the Dracula!" She tapped his arm in excitement, almost spilling the contents of her glass that she still hadn't taken a sip of, as she revealed her news. She smiled up at Spike but faltered slightly as she saw the look on his face.

"That bloody ponce?" I thought it was someone worth mentioning" He sulked and slumped into his chair, taking a large swig of his drink. Bloody traitor.

"You've met him?!"

"I've more than met him, Honeysuckle. Proper stake in my side, he is. Bloody tosser owes me £11 for one"

"11 quid, what a bastard!" She said in mock horror, "Isn't there a vampire claims court you can take him to?"

"£11 meant a lot at the time" He thought back to the incident and cursed Dracula again. Saffron, however, had pulled a face when he had mentioned his long past.

"Please don't remind me of your age again, it feels like I robbed a grave to kiss the corpse"

"Didn't hear you complaining the other night"

"Well you seemed very… athletic the other night" She thought about it and set her glass down on the table and moved to sit on his lap. He moved his hands to support her waist. She kissed him with feeling to begin with and Spike moved one hand up her back which made her shiver. She started to trail a few kisses on his neck, but something had distracted her.

"When we saw Dracula he called me that old name for having the sight. He spoke to me as if he knew me. I had chills, you know. Literal chills" She explained, pausing from her place in the corner of Spike's neck. She was still not over her encounter. Spike rolled his eyes, already sick of hearing about him. Plus, he could feel jealousy in his stomach, it was weighing on him like a stone.

"Oh and did Dracula tell you how he gets his hair that soft and did Dracula tell you about all the money he got on the rights to that stupid bloody book" Saffron moved to face Spike, he looked slightly pissed off, but she knew it wasn't really at her. She realised something and she was trying to hide a smile on her face.

"Is Spike, the big bad, jealous?" She laughed.

"I'm not bloody-"

"I smell deception" She smiled, pretending to sniff the air before looking back into his eyes. "I only have eyes for you, love" She did a horrible imitation of his London accent which made the corners of his lips move slightly to show a hint of a smile. He was still jealous but having Saffron with him, showing him that she wanted him satisfied him to some extent. They continued to talk for a while and saffron eventually took a sip from her glass to find that it really was just cranberry. He was about to remind her that he loved her when the door was roughly opened.

Riley burst in and Saffron dived onto the floor and crawled behind the nearest concrete tombstone to hide from the visitor. Saffron hadn't seen who it was she had just panicked and hid as fast as she could. Spike watched her go with a disappointed look on his face as he missed the feeling of her on his lap already. He turned to frown at whoever that had made her leave his side and found himself frowning even more when he saw that it was Riley. Riley walked in and looked around with a look of disgust, he then saw two glasses on the coffee table and wondered who would want to spend an evening in this dank hole.

"Have I interrupted something?" He asked with a fake courtesy, his eyes looking between the two glasses.

"Yeah you have" Spike replied shortly, motioning him to leave. If there was one soldier that wasn't invited into his home that wasn't Graham, it was Riley. Saffron was getting pins and needles from being sat on the cold concrete floor as Spike started to rant about Dracula. She crossed her arms as he continued to go on about that £11 he so desperately missed. _I'll give him 11 bloody quid if that's all he cares about_, Saffron thought to herself. Although she knew it was the principle and he obviously saw Dracula as an enemy. She felt a bit embarrassed about how she had gushed about meeting him, but she still thought it was very cool. She might ask him to sign her copy of the book, if he wasn't trying to kill her cousin of course. Riley threatened Spike and she tensed, why did these soldiers feel like they had warrant to do anything they felt like. None of them were even military anymore. False sense of moral superiority, Saff decided. Riley eventually left after he got the information he needed from Spike. Saffron hadn't noticed from her hiding place that Riley had noticed a purple jacket that was left on the arm of the chair. He decided the next vamp he found in that jacket would be dust.

_ **xoxoxo** _

By the time Saffron and Buffy had reached Giles' she had been convinced there was something up with Buffy. They had all sat in the living room and Saffron was too caught up in her own thoughts and worries about her cousin to notice that Riley hadn't stopped staring at her since she had walked in. She tried to listen to Willow's facts about Dracula but it was nothing she hadn't read in a book before. She started to twist the rings on her fingers as she continued to think rather than concentrate on the conversation. They had agreed to check out the nicer places in Sunnydale to find Dracula and Saff nodded along, not feeling the need to be too involved. She had a feeling that Spike might have something to say if she went skipping off to Dracula's lair without him. Riley interrupted Saff's thoughts.

"Nice jacket, Saff" He pointed at her purple jacket that she had kept on inside Giles' living room because she was cold.

"Thanks, it's new" She smiled, not aware of his implication. He nodded and continued to stare at her. She felt uncomfortable under his gaze and didn't understand why he was looking at her so oddly, he had barely noticed her before. He was always usually staring at Buffy. She could feel his emotions, but mostly he just felt confused, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle. She guessed he usually felt lost and confused, he often looked to Buffy for the answers anyway. _Military drone_.

She moved to sit near Giles as he confirmed that Buffy was listening to the conversation. Riley had looked back at Buffy when she replied and Saffron felt tension in her shoulders release. Willow started to gush about the way she had felt when Dracula looked at her and Saffron couldn't help but agree.

"He was mesmerising" She agreed, mostly because Spike wasn't in the room to hear it, and willow seemed to flush at her own feelings towards Dracula. Saff knew she was mentioning it because Tara wasn't around too. She smiled at her friend but her face soon dropped when Buffy replied. She felt the deception instantly and stared hard at Buffy, who didn't look up from where she had been staring since she had sat down. Buffy had lied about feeling Dracula's gaze as much as the other two girls. Buffy avoided looking at Saffron and declared she was going to find him and walked out of Giles' home with speed. Saff got up to follow her but Riley put his hand up, indicating that he would go. The others all gave each other a look and followed the two outside soon after. They could all see that Buffy has been bitten by Dracula and Saff just stared at the mark on her cousins neck and itched her own.

"Buff, what's going on?" she asked, concerned about her cousin. Buffy explained the voice and the feelings she had since her meeting with Dracula at night. Xander started making excuses for her and Saff stared at him with suspicion. The gang decided to search for Dracula while Buffy and Xander stayed at his place. Saff frowned at how quickly he offered but shrugged, she was pleased she had some spare time before night fall to prepare. She lit up a cigarette, much to everyone's annoyance, but she merely smiled brightly and waved goodbye.

Saffron appeared at the door of her now second home. The crypt creaked open quietly, barely enough to hear. But a certain vampire with good senses heard it instantly, and jumped out of his seat ready to attack.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping? It's the middle of the bloody day" She said, smiling at his stance. He quickly dropped his fighting stance and strided towards her, instantly closing the space between them.

"Couldn't sleep, love. Ever since dark and broody came to town there's been demons coming out the woodwork, no matter the time of day" He explained, placing his hands on either side of her arms. He needed to be in contact with her, he was still convinced she would change her mind and leave him.

"Didn't know Angel was back, I'll have to go and say hi…" She acted as if finding Angel was the most important thing, and swung around as if she was leaving the crypt in a rush, trying to hide the smile on her face. Spike grabbed the top of her arm and pulled her close to him, showing her a warning face. They were pressed against each other, and Saffron had to hide another smile. She enjoyed the way he wanted her.

"You'll be doing no such thing" He stated, a hint of a growl came from the back of his throat. She smiled at his reaction, and didn't hide it, and gave him a cheeky wink that made his shoulders relax slightly.

"You know I'd rather be here" she beamed up at him, if Spike's heart worked it would have skipped a beat. She laced her fingers through his, never looking away from his eyes. She explained she was needed at nightfall, not explaining why, but for now she was all his. He twirled her around with one hand as if they were dancing, showing he was pleased. He leant down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips and she enthusiastically responded by opening her mouth a fraction to give his tongue entry. He led her to the couch where re-runs of a black and white show Saffron didn't recognise was on. She didn't pay much attention though as Spike was already kissing her again and helping her adjust on the sofa for a more comfortable position.

They continued this way, barely stopping so Saffron could breathe, throughout the afternoon and into the evening. Occasionally they stopped and talked or watched part of one of the shows. But mostly they continued to explore each other. His touch was soft as he made contact with her skin. No matter how often he had explored her body, it felt special every time he got to touch her. Without either mentioning it to the other, they both felt the same. She reached to run her hand through his hair, eventually resting on the back of his neck. She thought she felt a slight shiver in reaction from Spike and smiled into the kiss. Saffron was sat on his lap now, Spike's strong had was slowly making his way up her thigh, resting at the side to support her place on his lap, while she continued to kiss him slowly. Being able to feel the way he was feeling heightened the moment and Saffron wished that he could feel how good she felt. She didn't realise that after she thought this, Spike started to feel emotions that weren't his own. He stopped and looked into her eyes, feeling a slight disappointment when he pulled away. _It's her_, he thought to himself. He didn't know if she knew he could feel it but knowing how good she felt willed him to continue.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The sky was a striking midnight blue, the sun had set hours ago and dark purple hues swirled through the sky as if it was a dream. She had enjoyed her afternoon and had struggled to leave Spike in the crypt. He said he needed to get some blood anyway, which made it slightly easier for them both to part ways. Saffron was almost skipping on her way to her destination now, her smile to herself was genuine but it did look strange as she was walking by herself in the dark. She crossed paths with a vampire, but seemed to be looking through him towards the path she was on. He ran his hands through his slicked back hair, showing off his freshly painted black fingernails, as he wondered what his love was doing walking this way at night. He had thought she was needed at home or in a scooby meeting. He had a brown paper bag under his arm as he closely searched her face. She didn't seem to have any weapons on her and she was grinning, which was unusual as her resting face was usually beautifully morbid to him. She eventually stopped, although reluctantly next to him. Spike didn't even ask, she started to explain herself distractedly without prompt.

"I'm going to meet with the Dark Prince in his castle" Saffron said, staring off in the distance with a dreamy smile on her face. Spike's face turned into a scowl when he heard these words.

"The sodding what?"

"The dark-" But Spike didn't want to hear her say it again, so he cut her off quickly.

"No you're bloody not" He shook his head and picked saffron up off the ground and hoisted her over his shoulder into a fireman's lift. She squealed when he did this as she hadn't been expecting it and felt instantly embarrassed at the noise she had just made. She was related to the slayer, she shouldn't squeal like some kid.

"Spike! Spike, I was joking!" She patted him to get him to release her, but he had started walking a few paces in the opposite direction "Put me down" she commanded, her voice sounding serious, so he reluctantly planted her feet back onto the ground. He looked at her suspiciously but was relieved to find she didn't seem to be under Dracula's thrall.

"I don't want you going in there" He said, his hands on both of her shoulders again, but for a different reason than earlier that day, a pleading look in his eyes as he met hers.

"The others will be there, and I can handle myself much better now" She shrugged, not feeling the need to convince him too much.

"I don't think Drac will be fooled by that cute little misdirection trick you tried on me, pet"

"Well, I'm going. You can't stop me" She put her hands on her hips. He looked at her for a moment and seemed to accept that she was going no matter what. She was stubborn, and he wouldn't get a moments peace if he tried to carry her back to the crypt, "Hey, chin up, maybe you can settle that score. If Buff slays him, maybe you can have the castle!" She said excitedly as they continued to walk up the hill towards the massive castle that Saffron had never noticed in Sunnydale before.

"Hey! What's wrong with the crypt?" Spike said, he was slightly offended she would rather have Dracula's castle than his crypt. He'd made it nice and homely for her, there was even a chest of drawers for her girly crap now. They continued to bicker about the crypt as they got to the ornate entrance of the castle. Saffron used it as another point in her favour, the door to the castle was elegant in a gothic way and she smiled when she saw that Spike grudgingly agreeing with her.

The events went so fast at Dracula's castle. Saffron enjoyed walking through the halls but she tried not to babble about the décor too much in case Spike started to huff. He still seemed sore she had wanted him to have the castle, she had only been joking but she had to admit she loved it. They eventually got to the main room where Dracula and Buffy already were. Dracula had smiled when he saw her and this had made Spike mad.

"You see through them, their foolish worries and hopes. Your amethyst gaze penetrates" Dracula had told her as he began to beckon her to walk towards him. She started a small step in his direction but Spike and Buffy quickly got in the way before she had reached him. Spike managed to get a punch in, especially when he saw the way he was staring at Saffron. Buffy eventually managed to finish him off and Saffron was relieved. Everyone came into the room together and Riley had given them a funny look when he saw Spike stood next to Saffron. Saffron stared back at him, still not aware why he had kept looking over. He quickly averted his gaze when he noticed that Saff was staring back, seemingly annoyed.

The next evening, the Summer's house was filled with the sound of three pairs of legs sprinting up the stairs as fast as they could while voices from the girls filled the house. Joyce knew what was coming and she sighed and put down the hairbrush she had been using. The three of them fought to get through the door frame of Joyce's room to try and be the first one to make their case in front of Joyce. They had been squabbling downstairs and decided they needed Joyce to settle their arguments. Buffy got through the door first but Saffron was louder and started to tell Joyce what was annoying her while she fought to get past Dawn.

"Buffy keeps stealing my hoops! That's my look and-"

"Dawn keeps following me around the house and it's really annoying-"

"Not even! Mom, Saff keeps telling me Buffy needs me and getting me in trouble with her-"

"Is that the sound of my 3 teenage daughters all getting along together?" Joyce smiled as she said daughters, they all usually slipped up like that and it always made Saff smile widely. Things like that made her feel a part of the little family. Joyce managed to talk them down and they all went back to what they had been doing downstairs before they had all started to argue. Buffy went to the kitchen and continued to make the smoothie she had started before Dawn had walked in to interrupt her again. She touched one of the hoops in her ear as she thought about what Saffron had said, but then shrugged and continued to cut up some banana. Saffron had been in the living room watching tv while Dawn worked on her homework on the other side of the room. Saffron had gotten bored of the tv and looked back over to Dawn who was focusing hard on her work. Saffron had always found it weird that Dawn seemed to enjoy homework.

"Hey, Dawn chorus, I think Buffy's calling you from the kitchen" Saff smiled mischievously. She and Dawn got on, but she enjoyed playfully winding her younger cousin up.

"I'm not falling for that again, Saff! She shouts when I even breathe near her"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Do you need any help with that?" Saffron had walked over to her and tapped a dark green painted fingernail at one of the books Dawn had surrounding her.

"It's math" Dawn shrugged, anticipating Saffron's response.

"Gross! I'm out" Saff pulled a face as if she was grossed out by the subject, then added, "But I can offer you a warm drink to help you with your studies?"

"Hot chocolate? Extra marshmallows?" Dawn beamed as she gave her order.

"The ones with or without the cow bones?" Saffron inquired what kind of marshmallows she wanted.

"…with?" Dawn guiltily asked which made Saff smile, she didn't hold it against anyone for not sharing her passion for vegetarianism.

"Coming up, Dawny"

When she returned with the drink, Dawn was almost done. She had been chatting with Buffy in the kitchen and Buff had told her that she spoils Dawn too much. Saffron explained she would have done the same for her if she had been doing homework. Buffy thought about it and guessed she probably would, in fact she had when they were in Sunnydale high. They used to take it in turns to make snacks for each other while they both tried to catch up on their homework. She recalled they usually ended up calling willow to come over and help though. As she handed Dawn the mug, she quickly explained where she was going.

"I'm, uh, just going to get some fresh air. But it's dangerous for you to come out so… don't. Night-time demons and all that" Saffron wasn't a great liar over the little things. She had been hiding her smoking habit from Dawn since she had arrived in Sunnydale and didn't want to be a bad influence on the young girl. Dawn had been young when she had arrived, and she didn't want her to know. Joyce had never liked the habit either so the less that it was mentioned, the better. Buffy rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, showing her disapproval as she watched Saffron go out for a smoke. When she left through the back door, Buffy walked to her room with her smoothie, scowling at Dawn on her way past.


	18. Chapter 18

_Chapter 19:_

_Dear Diary,_

_If Buffy's the bad cop, Saffron is totally the good one. She's the only one that knows what it's like to live with a slayer as an older sister. Well, she's our fun British cousin but she feels like a sister a lot of the time. She never talks about England and when I ask her to tell me about living there, she goes all distant and her eyes get watery._

_I don't know if it's because she's the empathetic one, but she never makes me feel like I'm in the way. She listens and she isn't just waiting for me to finish so she can tell me off for stealing her clothes. Although she does tell me to stop doing that without asking. She can be way moody sometimes. She tells people what she thinks of them, she's like a rebel. She got fired from her last job and she didn't even care she just cussed him out and left!_

_She's so cool and she listens to bands that nobody's even heard of, but she doesn't brag about it like the guys at school do. And she smokes, but in a cool way like in the movies. She pretends that she doesn't smoke, but I have a sense of smell. She thinks that I haven't noticed that she sneaks out of the house all the time. I think it's to see a guy, but she hasn't told me. She usually tells me secrets when we have a sleepover night, so maybe-_

Saffron had accidentally stumbled across Dawn's diary when she was cleaning up the clothes that the younger brunette had left all over the floor. She had started to read a page that had her name on it and she had smiled when she saw the things Dawn had written. She was fond of Dawn, despite her flaws, and closed the book without finishing the page to give her some privacy. She rolled her eyes when she realised that she hadn't been fooling Dawn about her smoking and laughed at the way with words Dawn had. Saffron descended the stairs with a pile of hers and Dawn's washing to put on while they were out. She was planning to go with Giles and Buffy to the magic shop.

Saffron walked into the kitchen just as Joyce told Buffy she needed her to take Dawn to get school supplies. Buffy was complaining and Dawn joined in too. She sighed when she heard the two squabbling again, she decided she'd offer to take Dawn to the mall, as long as Giles gave them a lift. Joyce smiled warmly at her and gave Buffy a look that said why can't you be like Saffron. This made Saff cringe slightly, but Buffy didn't seem too bothered considering she had got her way. There was a knock, Riley was at the door and Buffy greeted him enthusiastically. Saffron put her hands over Dawn's eyes in mock horror at the short kiss they shared in the doorway as Dawn swatted her hands away. Giles knocked on the door soon after and seemed deflated when he noticed that Dawn was coming along. Saffron had loudly explained that she was taking Dawn to the mall, hinting to Giles that he wouldn't have to put up with her at the magic box. Giles was relieved and Saffron could feel it as he smiled at her.

They were all sat in Giles' red sports car, on the way to the magic box. Saffron had recalled that she needed to buy something and promised Dawn she'd be quick. When she had seen Giles' new car, she had been equal parts impressed and amused.

"Midlife crisis" She had whispered loudly between pretending to cough and Giles had given her an unamused look. She was hoping that he'd let her learn to drive in it, but she knew there was absolutely no way he'd risk the new car. Saffron snorted when Buffy called the car a two-door tramp and pulled Dawn back to sit next to her instead of messing with the radio and annoying everyone. It was better for her mind when everyone wasn't annoyed with Dawn, and she hated feeling Dawn feel so left out all of the time. They spotted Willow and Tara and Saffron waved at her friends from the back of the car and Giles parked up next to where they stood on the sidewalk. Everyone seemed to be going to the magic box and Saffron climbed out of the car awkwardly as the girls greeted everyone.

"Why do we have to go in, Saff?" Dawn whined as they walked behind Willow and Buffy who were chatting.

"I told you, I need something. I'm the older one, remember? We do what I want and then I buy you ice cream because I feel guilty for telling you what to do" Saffron added and Dawn smiled at her cousin, already thinking about what flavours she wanted. Saffron heard Willow getting worked up that Buffy had to drop drama class and she tried to remind Will that she was taking the class still but Willow was too wrapped up in telling Buffy that drama class mattered more than Giles.

When they arrived at the front of the shop it was dark and seemed to be closed. They opened the door and were shocked to realise that the whole store had been trashed. They called for the owner and looked around the store to see if he was in there. Saffron nonchalantly slipped a few clear crystals into her pocket when nobody was looking. Mr Bogarty wasn't going to miss them in this mess, she thought to herself. Dawn was watching her with wide eyes and she winked at her younger cousin and put her finger to her lips to tell her not to say anything to the others. She nodded, seemingly excited that Saffron trusted her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Willow had tripped over the owners body and Saffron had started to feel slightly guilty for taking the crystals, but didn't have time to replace them because she followed Buffy and Dawn out where Buffy was telling Dawn to stay outside. She tried to convince Buffy to let her stay as Saff wanted to stay in the shop and help the others but she knew that someone should keep an eye on Dawn.

"It's just a corpse, Buff" Saffron shrugged but she noticed that Dawn felt scared so she went after her and stood with her outside. Buffy nodded at her, silently thanking her before closing the door on them both. Dawn peaked through the window at what was going on and Saffron let her, she didn't understand why Buffy wouldn't let the poor girl do anything. Saffron had seen her own parents corpses at Dawn's age, it had been horrible but she had lived through it. Plus, in Sunnydale you could barely move for corpses. Dawn was bound to see one sooner or later. A man suddenly grabbed Dawn from where she was stood and started babbling at her and Saffron rushed after them to where he had backed Dawn against a van.

"I see you. Curds and whey" He finished as Saffron grabbed the man and hauled him away from Dawn, staring him down. She realised he wasn't mentally together, but she decided it didn't give him an excuse to terrorise her cousin.

"Fuck off, you bloody idiot! She's 14, go and scare someone else" She glared at the man until he was out of view and then looked back wide-eyed at Dawn as she realised she had sworn in front of her, "If you don't tell I'll buy you an extra scoop of ice cream" she promised and Dawn nodded enthusiastically. Saffron made her feel more grown up than Buffy did, and she idolised her cousin.

"Is that guy dead in there?" She asked Saffron slowly. Saffron could feel the nerves Dawn was feeling about the idea of a death so close to her. They walked to the end of the road as Saffron considered how to respond.

"Yeah" Saff replied simply, not knowing what else could be said. _No point sugar coating it_, she told herself. She put her hand on Dawn's arm to try and calm her a little while they sat and waited for the others.

Tara came outside after a while and smiled at the two girls, she squinted because of the sun shining on her face. Saffron was pleased to see her, she wanted to go back into the shop but she didn't want to disappoint Dawn and leave her.

"Hey, T. You coming to join the cool kids outside?" Saffron said from her spot where she was sat next to Dawn on the pavement.

"Yeah, I don't really like that fresh corpse smell" She scrunched her nose up as she stood looking at them both, going a bit red because she remembered Dawn shouldn't really hear about that stuff.

"By the looks of him, you were in luck, he didn't seem too fresh. You mind if I go back in to check on the others?" Saff asked, wanting to go back in and be of some use. She wanted to help out the best she could. Tara nodded and Saffron noted she felt left out of the group and told herself to ask her about it later on. When she returned into the shop, Giles was looking around the store and reading the profit margins. Saffron enthusiastically encouraged him to take the place if he thought it was a good investment and he continued to look around in deep thought. She helped them look through what had been taken and they realised they were books on the slayer. She stayed for a while longer and then decided she should get on with her shopping.

"I'd better go take Dawn of the dead to the mall" She said to the others and realised she shouldn't have said that, "Uh, sorry, just Dawn" She made the sign of the cross awkwardly in respect of the dead owner that was still on the floor and hurried out of the shop to collect Dawn.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was wearing a form-fitting black dress she had bought recently in a sale, she almost hadn't bought it but Willow had convinced her she needed to. It was perfect. It had spaghetti straps and she was wearing her usual boots with it. She had big, twisted silver hoops in her ears and had taken care on her makeup. The other women had complimented her when she had come upstairs from her room and she gave them a dramatic twirl and started to pose as if she was modelling the outfit for a magazine. She had dressed up because Spike had promised he was taking her out somewhere. They hadn't been on a proper date before and she had been excited to see where he was taking her.

"Buffy, Saff already took responsibility of Dawn and took her to get her school supplies, despite her being brought to a murder scene beforehand" Joyce raised her eyes and looked between the two older girls with an obvious disapproval.

"Total accident needed to drop by the store" Saffron put her hands up in surrender.

"Yeah, it just came upon us"

"I have a pre-show reception in half an hour. Who's gonna watch Dawn?" Joyce asked, looking at Buffy to take some responsibility for her sister.

"I don't need anyone to watch me!" Dawn shouted from the other room.

"Yes, you do!" The three women chorused at the same time. Saffron rolled her eyes, she really wanted to go out with Spike. But she couldn't explain where she was going to the others.

"I'll be on Dawn patrol" She said quickly, before she changed her mind and the other two smiled, "But you owe me big, Buff" she whispered so Dawn couldn't hear her. She planned to find a way of telling Spike she couldn't come. She felt like she hadn't seen him in ages. "Hey Dawn! Why don't I call Xander and we can have a game night?" Dawn rushed in and her face lit up, she really liked Xander and Saff shook her head and smiled as Dawn rushed off to change her outfit. She had a feeling Dawn might have a little crush. The other women left for the evening and Saffron rang to order pizzas before quickly ringing Xander's phone to try and convince him to join them.

"Hey Xand, can you come over?"

"I'm kind of... An! I'm on the phone" Xander was distracted by something on the other end and Saffron rolled her eyes.

"Jesus, you better not be shagging while you're talking to me" Saffron warned him.

"No, but my girl's a tryer" He laughed but Saff wasn't amused, she needed people her own age to hang out with. Her head was still spinning from all the teenage gossip she had listened to during her trip to the mall.

"Just shut up, Xand. Bring Anya, just please come over I've already promised Dawn you're coming" There was a pause, "There's pizza in it for you" She tried to convince him with the promise of cheesy goodness.

"I guess I can't disappoint the Dawnster" Xander decided and said he'd be over soon. Saffron could hear Anya complaining in the background. Saffron went upstairs to change out of the dress and put on shorts and a plain black t-shirt. Xander and Anya eventually arrived, and they set up a game of monopoly, followed by Life.

Anya had just realised that she was winning when they were interrupted by a rock flying through the window and a familiar voice shouted for Buffy to come out and face her. Saffron got up and followed Xander to the door, the others close behind them.

"Hey Harm" Saff waved, they had stayed out of each other's way in high school, they both knew better than to challenge the other, "Try not to shout too loud, some of us were enjoying a quiet, slaying-free night in" She crossed her arms and watched Xander and Harmony trade insults. Dawn messed up and invited Harmony in to face them and everyone shouted at her to shut up. Saffron ran to stand in front of Dawn to make sure Harmony wouldn't get to her and then when she saw Harmony attacking Xander shouted for Anya to take Dawn. She grabbed an umbrella from the rack and whacked Harmony on the head. She eventually left and Saff cleared up the mess in the hall with Xander and Anya. When Buffy returned, Saff went upstairs to remind Dawn of the house rules.

She knocked softly on Dawn's bedroom door and let herself in. Dawn had been writing in her diary and had quickly hidden it under her pillow when Saff walked in. Saffron pretended not to see it and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Don't tell Buffy, she'll freak" Dawn said quickly. She knew she was worried and felt guilty for letting Harmony in.

"Dawn, we'll have to explain to her that Harmony can get in" Saffron explained.

"Can't you say it was you? She's always nicer to you" Dawn pleaded, she could feel Dawn's worry but she knew she couldn't protect her like that. For one, Buffy would know and get mad at her. There was nothing worse than being in the Slayer's bad books.

"Dawn, she knows I'd never invite Harmony of all people into my house. Sometimes it's important to be brave and face the consequences" She patted Dawn on the shoulder. "Do you want me to paint your nails a fun colour? I've got orange crush" Dawn agreed and she tried to cheer her up.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron found herself running after Buffy through the cemetery. Whatever happened to Saturday nights? She was on Buffy's tail as she weaved her way through the stones to a crypt that was all too familiar to her. They were both worried about Dawn but she knew that Buffy was going to take it out on him. She couldn't let it happen again. They burst into the crypt and ran into the middle of the room. Spike was sorting the aerial on his tv and turned to see his girl and… her cousin. He rolled his eyes, this wasn't going to be a fun time. Saffron looked worried as her eyes darted between her cousin and Spike. Spike looked at the slayer just in time for her to meet his face with her fist.

"Harmony's lair. Where is it" she asked between blows.

"Buff, stop it! Let him speak" She tried to grab Buffy's hand but she was no match for the slayer strength and Buffy just shrugged her off and went to punch spike again.

"Haven't seen her in months" Spike lied and Saffron's head whipped around to stare at him. She squinted, wondering why he would lie. Buffy noticed this and smirked, glad Saffron had joined her.

"Looks like you're lying, _Spikey_" Buffy mocked him with the name Harmony used to call him. Saffron winced as Buffy took another blow at him. Saffron frowned, _why had he been protecting Harmony?_ She stood, frowning whilst Buffy threatened Spike again. She hit him on the nose and Saffron couldn't help but jump in front of Spike and Buffy almost clipped her with her fist.

"What are you doing?" Buffy looked confused and she frowned.

"Just give him a chance to get his thoughts collected, you're jumbling his brain with all the…" She mimed the punches that Buffy had been throwing, giving Spike some time to recover. Buffy looked at Saffron suspiciously but shrugged and watched as her cousin moved out of the way slowly. Buffy waited, her arms crossed over her chest while she waited for Spike to start talking. Spike looked between the two women and decided to just tell the truth. Spike told her exactly what she needed to know and Buffy looked over at Saffron who nodded once to show he was being honest. Buffy went to punch him again in the nose before storming off.

"He was telling the truth!" She shouted at her.

"I know" Buffy called as she rushed out of the crypt. Saff stared after her, ready to follow but she turned to spike quickly before she went.

"Spike? Why did you lie?" She moved to help him up, but she was still annoyed he had seen Harmony and lied about it.

"Why was I stood up?" He asked, the hurt obvious in his voice.

"I asked first" She hissed.

"Saw her with her rag-tag band of idiots and wanted to give the girl a shot didn't I?"

"A shot at what? _Killing_ my cousin?" She spat, that had been the wrong response.

"Can't fight nature, honeysuckle. Vampires will always want the slayer's head. You should have seen them, love. They've got no chance" He laughed at the group he had seen with Harmony earlier that night.

"Oh, so you're spending time with her now? When was this?" She questioned, squinting at him with suspicion.

"When I was walking through the town at a sodding loose end cos someone stood me up"

"I had to look after Dawn. You don't have a phone, Spike. How was I supposed to tell you? Smoke signals on a buggering hill?" She raised her voice, exasperated at how the conversation was going.

"You could have left bitesize for a few minutes" He pointed out. Saffron's frustration was then directed completely at herself. It reminded her that Dawn had gone and she felt responsible.

"Clearly I couldn't! I can't even look after her when she's in the bloody house with me" She sobbed, her worry for Dawn had caught up to her. Spike went to comfort her but she wiped her tears and started to head towards the door, "I need to go. You don't mind if I help slay your old squeeze, right?" Spike shrugged, he had never seen Harmony as much more than a good shag. Saffron watched his expression closely and went back to give him a quick kiss on the lips and then turned and ran to where Spike had said Dawn was.

She had arrived just as Buffy had slayed the last vampire and noticed Harmony had already left. She hadn't been serious about slaying her, she didn't really see Harmony as much of a threat. Saffron helped Buffy unchain Dawn and listened to her lecture them both. Dawn for leaving the house and Saff for letting her go. Saffron had pointed out Buffy had also been in the house when she had gone. After that, she mostly lectured Dawn. The girls all agreed to keep the truth from Joyce and walked home in mostly silence.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was wearing a white blouse and a black pencil skirt. She had borrowed the blouse from Joyce and the skirt she had found in the back of a chest of drawers. Her jewellery, including her nose stud, had all been removed except a single necklace and some stud earrings. She had shined her black combat boots for the occasion and her leg was bouncing as she sat at the table opposite the aging man. She was nervous and she was doing everything to stop herself from biting the skin around her nails, it wouldn't make a great impression to possibly start bleeding in front of a potential employer. Her handwritten CV was on the table in front of them and the man was scanning it closely.

"And why do you feel you have the correct skills for the job?"

"I have a lot of experience in retail and I have a winning smile for any customers" She smiled widely, to prove that her smile was, in fact, winning. "I, um, really need this" She continued, as she ducked her head slightly.

"It, uh, says here you were sacked from your previous job?"

"Well, that was a classic misunderstanding. The cops will back me up, just ring them" She pointed at the man to emphasise her point. The man took the glasses off his nose and started to clean them with a slight shake of his head. "Come on, G. You know you can trust me"

"Saffron, it was never in question that you would work here" He smiled warmly at her as Saffron beamed and punched the air in excitement. She went to hug him and he awkwardly patted her.

"G, we're English, not robots" She informed him at his attempt at hugging her and he just smiled and cleaned his glasses again, "When do I start?" she asked, looking around the room, it was still in disarray.

"When we, ah, manage to take care of the shop" He said looking around at the mess. She nodded and started to pick things up and put them into boxes to demonstrate her enthusiasm for her new job. Buffy walked over then and rolled her eyes at the way Saffron had dressed to ask Giles for a job, she was always so dramatic. She then asked if Giles was sure he could handle running the store. Saffron went to sit with Dawn who was writing in a book and she smiled at her cousin. Buffy and Giles went into the back and Saffron kept an eye on Dawn to make sure she didn't break anything.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Saffron was behind the counter of the shop, she was checking through the orders they had put in to get the shop re-stocked after Harmony and her gang ruined it. She cancelled all the orders for decorative unicorns, hoping that would put Harmony off coming back. She wasn't threatened by Harmony, she was just annoying. She was satisfied everything was accounted for, put the book down and picked up her tarot deck. She started to shuffle the cards and she was thinking about something, she'd had a number stuck in her head all day and she was going to see if the cards could tell her anything. Riley had walked over then and he didn't look pleased when he warned Saffron.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Saff"

"It's just Tarot, Riley. I've been doing it longer than I can remember. It's safe" She shrugged and looked back to her cards. She wasn't really sure why he was talking to her; they hadn't really spoken since she had broken up with Graham. The two of them really didn't have much in common.

"No. Not that, I mean with Spike" He stated, so only she could hear him. She tensed at his words, she fumbled and dropped some of her cards on the counter.

"S-Spike?" She questioned, not looking up as she started to pick up the cards. She had gone pink at his tone and implication.

"Yeah. I know. I don't know what's with women and the vampire thing but he's dangerous. Find someone else to have your fun with. I'm telling you this because it's like we're family and he's still a threat" Riley explained. She could tell he seemed to be genuine, but she was too panicked she'd been found out to appreciate he was being kind.

"Riley it's really not-" Saffron tried to cover herself, she wasn't really sure how she was feeling about Riley, she hadn't really seen him as family. In fact, she saw Angel as more of a family than him and he hadn't been in the picture in a long time.

"I won't tell her. But it needs to end. Now"

"And you can tell me what to do because _why_?" She hissed, a heat rising in her face from her annoyance. Who gave him the right to tell her what's best for her? He barely knew her and the only conversations they'd had were about the weather or Graham. Riley moved as if he was off to tell Buffy then and there. She grabbed his arm and asked him to stop. "Ok, ok. Won't look, won't touch. Consider it over, just please don't tell" She pleaded, trying anything to stop him telling Buffy. She glanced at the others before looking back up at him, trying her best not to show how desperate she was for him to keep quiet.

"I understand that it's embarrassing. As long as you don't see him again" She tensed when he said being with Spike was embarrassing, she felt horrible but she couldn't have Buffy knowing yet. She nodded and followed Riley to where the rest of the group were sorting the store out. She was noticeably quieter than normal as she listened to the current conversation.

Giles started to explain how he hit the demon that had come to threaten him in the store before they had all got there. Saffron smiled at the way he was acting it out and told him he must have looked very cool defending the shop. They were looking through books to find out what demon Giles had met before and Willow passed him a book to look at. Saffron continued to shuffle her deck, she was trying to look busy so she could avoid Riley's eyes.

"Toth!" Giles exclaimed; he'd found the demon that had come in earlier. He had interrupted Riley and Buffy had told him that Giles had just called him a moron in British slang.

"No. That's Toff, you Toff" Saffron rolled her eyes at Buffy and smiled at her, ducking as she threw a ball of paper at her cousin for calling her a moron. She laughed and threw it back, but Buffy just caught it. "Damn slayer reflexes" She muttered. They eventually made a plan and decided to meet later that night to go on the look out for the demon that was after Buffy.

Anya and Saffron walked to the Espresso pump to get everyone coffees while they carried on working in the shop. Giles had given them the money and Saff had asked Anya to come to help carry things. She had complained at first, but she liked Saffron more than the other two girls so she reluctantly agreed when Xander gave her a look. Saffron was in deep thought as they walked down the street, she was replaying the conversation she'd had with Riley a few hours ago and she didn't know what to do. She would have to warn Spike. Protect him, and them both, somehow.

"You look strange" Anya stated and bobbed her head in agreement with herself.

"Thanks, An" Saffron sighed.

"Well, you look like you're thinking a lot. I've been thinking about the apartment of my dreams that I can't have" She pulled a sad face, as if the whole world was against her. She had fallen out with Xander and didn't understand why she couldn't have everything that she wanted.

"We both have big problems then" Saffron concluded, aware that Anya's problems seemed big to her. There was only a tiny hint of sarcasm in her words.

"You have a big problem too? Is it money? I haven't got any and I want lots of nice things" Anya continued talking while Saffron thought about what Riley would do. It was only a matter of time until he told Buff, despite him assuring her otherwise.

"Yeah. Money" She pretended distractedly, knowing Anya wouldn't keep her mouth shut if she told her the truth, "I'll get my wage in when the shop's up and running though. Maybe you should get a job?" Anya seemed to consider this at first but shook her head. She had read somewhere that it was customary for the man to provide the money and the woman got the pretty things. They rounded the corner and saw that the Espresso pump had been drawn on with green spray paint. A single number was painted on the side of the shop, it had been the same one in her thoughts earlier. "_Three_" She whispered, tracing the graffiti on the wall of the Espresso pump before Anya frowned impatiently at her and dragged her inside.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The gang were making their way through the Sunnydale dump and Saffron had her black hoodie over her nose because of the smell. It was the worst. Why couldn't demons hang out in scented candle shops? They turned sharply as they heard something rooting in the trash and Saff felt a jolt of adrenaline from the others around them. They had heard something.

"Spike!" Saffron couldn't help herself shouting, her face had a look of horror as she saw him filling a trolley full of crap. He saw her face and looked away sheepishly, noticing the whole gang was there. _Bloody great_.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Riley asked, his weapon pointed firmly at him. Saffron cringed at the harsh tone and wondered if it was because he thought that Spike was having sex with her to get to Buffy. Spike replied sarcastically and told them he was scavenging and Saffron cringed. That's where he got his stuff from. Willow told him the lamps he'd found were pretty and saffron smiled slightly at her friend, she was pleased she was being kind to him. Maybe she wouldn't mind too much when Riley inevitably snitched on her to everyone. She had decided she didn't trust Riley even a little bit. They asked Spike about the demon and then they were quickly attacked. The creepy looking thing kept blasting his weapon towards Buffy and Spike jumped in front of Saffron as she ducked out of the way. Riley noticed this and grabbed Spike and hauled him away from her while Buffy was distracted by the demon. The demon blasted Spike's lamp and he shouted at the demon, looked at the way Riley was standing between him and Saff and growled slightly. Saffron mouthed for him to leave and that she'd come and see him later. The others were trying to help fight and Xander got blasted with the light as he tried to protect Buffy. They all ran to help Xander up and Saffron looked behind her to see Spike leaving with his trolley full of rubbish. She rolled her eyes and went back to help Xander to his feet.

Spike was back in his crypt, he had constructed a mannequin from the trash he had found at the dump. He was reciting what sounded like a well-practiced monologue. Something about the slayer's blood and her skull being used to drink from. He then kicked the head aggressively and someone caught the head, still with the blonde wig attached, from the corner of the room and looked at the head in her hands in dismay. Her hands wrapped around the head, silver nail polish glinted in the dimly lit crypt as she studied what was in her hands.

"Who in the fuck is this supposed to be?" Saffron asked, knowing full well who it was supposed to be. Spike kicked the body too and Saffron frowned at him.

"She's the reason we can't be together, love" He said, pointing dramatically at the body parts he had kicked over the floor of the crypt. She dropped the head onto the floor and put her hands in her pockets.

"We are together, Spike" She insisted, frowning at him.

"Yeah, well, some days it doesn't feel like it. Sneaking around, not telling a soul. Or anyone without a soul for that matter" His shoulders sagged as he explained feelings he'd been bottling up, "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me when you saw me at the dump. You were embarrassed of me" He pointed at her and walked towards her.

"I'm not embarrassed Spike! I just- well, I didn't realise the drawer you'd got for me was from Dumps r us" She raised her voice, she hadn't expected Spike to react like that. She thought he understood it wasn't just about her, it was about protecting him too. Buffy was going to try to stake him if she knew he'd been anywhere near her.

"You seemed pretty ashamed, love. Not just of the way I found the fixtures. Telling me to leave and hiding behind your cousin's beefcake" She rolled her eyes at how he'd mentioned Riley. It had reminded her why she had dropped by to begin with.

"Spike, I'm not- I can't lose family. I love them all, I can't-"

"Oh, love is it?"

"Spike, not this again" She crossed her arms over her chest. She had felt guilty she hadn't said it to him. She was finding it hard. She was an emotional, romantic person, but she struggled to put her own feelings into words.

"It's interesting you admit the love for Red and the watcher. Even the boy, but you can't even-" Spike was cut off from his rant, she didn't want to come across as harsh, but she needed to get her words out too.

"Spike, please. This isn't the time. I came to warn you about Riley anyway." Spike just stared at her after he had been cut off.

"Oh yeah? Captain cardboard been left out in the rain?" He eventually asked, not really bothered about anything she had to say about Riley.

"Spike. He knows about us. Just be careful around him"

"Jumped up soldier boy doesn't concern me, pet"

"He's told me to chuck you or he'll tell buffy. He thinks we're just shagging"

"Maybe we are" He shrugged. He was hurt but this didn't give him the excuse to be cruel. She stared at him and nodded curtly. She turned on her heel and left without another word. He sighed and looked at the ceiling, annoyed with himself. Spike took a deep, unneeded breath before deciding on his next move. He went to the lower level of the crypt to find something to drink.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron and Giles were sat in the magic box, they had taken a break from setting things up and had instead started to research the prophecy attached to Saffron, as they had been doing every week. Saffron had gotten bored of the reading and the guessing, but she stuck at it. For Giles more than anything else. Giles had mentioned that Xander had dropped in and explained that there was another one of him that needed to be stopped. Saffron knew this, Xander had come to her too, he had been in a horrible state and she promised that if she saw the other one she'd stamp on his foot.

She had been staring at the same page for a while, she couldn't think. There was that number again. It was being whispered over and over in her head, she couldn't get it to shut up. Three. She blinked and shook her head, hoping it would get rid of the whispers. But it wouldn't stop. She looked up at Giles, her eyesight had started to go fuzzy in the corners and she blinked slowly to get rid of it.

"Saffron?" Giles stood up and walked over to the girl, he touched her upper arm in concern and this tipped her over the edge, she could feel his worry and concern and it shot through her like an icy stake in the chest. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she collapsed into Giles' arms.

_Saffron opened her eyes and had to shut them again just as quickly. She was surrounded by a white light and it was so bright it hurt her eyes. She slowly got used to the light and hoisted herself up. There was nothing around her except blank space. She started to step forwards but was pulled backwards by a force. She landed on her ass and looked up to see the most beautiful woman looking down on her, she didn't appear strong enough to be able to pull her with that much force. Saffron stared at her in awe, the woman was so beautiful it had taken her breath away. She had long, wavy hair that looked as if it was spun from gold and her eyes were a shocking purple. They were so unusual she felt lost inside her gaze for a long time. The woman was wearing a plain, white gown and when Saffron looked down she noticed that she was wearing an identical one, but in black._

_"You know me, yes?" The woman stared at Saffron expectantly as she just shook her head, "I have many names, you may know me as the High Priestess"_

_"Oh, uh, hello" She curtseyed and bowed her head out of respect._

_"You do not bow to me; we are equals. You are the truth. Your sight does not deceive" She put a hand up as if to tell her to stop. Saffron awkwardly stood up straight and just stared at the woman for a long time. Her eyes were swirling with truth and her gaze made Saffron involuntarily step towards her. Something in the back of her mind snapped her out of it._

_"Are you- am I dead?" She suddenly panicked. She wasn't ready to die._

_"No, honey. You are merely between the conscious and unconscious realm. You need to heed my words, the future is yours to make sense of, explain them in your image. The sight you possess will serve you well" saffron nodded, she thought she understood. She was telling her to keep looking through the prophecy. "The sight is not the key as she is not the chosen. You must look within for the answer" The Priestess held her wrists and stared deeply into her eyes. Her touch was unusual. Not hot or cold. Saffron had noticed that darkness was creeping in behind her and she stepped forwards slightly._

_"I- I really don't understand, babe" Saffron blurted out, before amending, "I mean, uh, High Priestess" The priestess just smiled and leaned in to kiss Saffron once on each cheek. She still had hold of her wrists and Saffron didn't know what to make of what she was saying now._

_"Tertium genus" She repeated as she let go of Saffron's hand suddenly, and watched her fall into the dark pit._

Saffron woke with a start. She was gasping for air as she had thought she had really been falling. She got up from where Giles had laid her down after she had collapsed. _Just a dream_, she reassured herself.

"Saffron? Are you-" Giles started, only to be cut off by Saffron, which he was accustomed to by now.

"Tertium Genus" She stated, staring blankly at him, as if she could see through him.

"That-that's Latin. As far as I am aware, you cannot speak Latin. In fact, last time it was mentioned you said it was for, ah, posh boys and corpses" Giles' eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand what she was saying.

"T-tertium genus" She replied shakily, her blackouts always made her really tired when she came to. She drank from her bottle of water that she had brought and sat opposite Giles.

"That, ah, means three of a kind I believe" He said as he cleaned his glasses. He put them back on his face and looked at the girl in concern.

"Three" She whispered, her eyebrows knitted together in thought. Giles was worried for the girl and he was about to ask her what she meant but Buffy came in with one of the Xanders.

"Guys, we need your help. We need to find the other one so we can interrogate him and-" She cut herself off when she saw their faces, "Are you guys ok? You look like you've seen a ghost. Oh god, there isn't a ghost is there?" Saffron explained everything that had gone on in the dream and they all listened. Giles had decided to look up some of the phrases she had mentioned and see if they fit with anything that they had been studying. Buffy hugged her cousin and she could feel her worry too. They all decided to take a break from prophecy hunting and went to split up and look for the other Xander.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had gone out by herself, she was walking thoughtfully through the graveyard. She wished she could go in the opposite direction and visit Spike. As soon as she thought about him, she felt something behind her, it wasn't an emotion just a sense of something, and she turned slightly to reveal Spike walking towards her. She watched him as he walked and stood slightly away from her.

"Spike"

"Honeysuckle" They stared at each other for a while. Waiting to see what the other would say. Saffron took out a packet of cigarettes and took two out, offering him one. He took it and started to light up. She watched him before she lit her own, he took it which was a good sign.

"I'm sorry" She stated calmly. She inhaled the smoke and looked up, her grey eyes glistened in the light from her cigarette and Spike wanted to get to the part where he could kiss her again. She could have told him it was all his fault and he still would have just wanted things to go back to how they had been even the day before.

"Uh, me too" Spike still wasn't used to apologising but he wanted to make the effort for her.

"I really do care, Spike. If you're not happy then-"

"I would be happy with half of the amount of mind you give me, love. You're in my blood, coursing through my veins. I'll never want you to leave"

"Your words are beautiful, Spike. I wish I could match them, show you how I feel, but, um, know every time I leave you my heart hurts" She admitted, looking at the ground. That sounded lame compared to what he had just told her. She couldn't get over her apprehension at declaring her raw feelings. She was scared if she named it the feeling would go and everything would change for the worse. She wanted things to continue how they are, and she didn't know how to even begin to express her feelings for Spike. He seemed satisfied and when she reached to hold his hand, he moved to intertwine his fingers with hers. They walked hand-in-hand through the streets to the magic box where Saffron was on her way to join the others to put to two Xanders back together.

They entered the magic box together, Saffron didn't have the heart to remind spike to keep hiding how close they were. They weren't holding hands anymore and, as a compromise, Spike had convinced Saffron to stop so he could kiss her before they went in. Spike knew the rules anyway and he still enjoyed annoying the men in the room by flirting with her slightly. Giles saw them walk in together from his place on the floor and frowned, he had warned spike. He was going to have to discuss his sick obsession with her with Buffy, he thought to himself. Giles was drawing the pentagram on the floor and stared hard at Spike, who only smirked back and stepped closer to Saffron where she was stood studying the two Xanders.

"Hi Xanders" she called and they both waved at the exact same time. Everyone started to look at the similarity then and Anya wanted to take both of them back to her apartment. They all rushed to get ready for the spell and pretended they didn't hear the sex talk. Everything was sorted and Willow quickly put the two back together.

"Did we really need to be here for that?" Spike asked, meeting Saffron's eyes.

"You didn't need to be here at all" Riley stated flatly.

"He, uh, saw that I was coming and I guessed there'd be more to the spell. Thought he might be useful" Saffron quickly tried to cover for Spike.

"The day Spike is of use to any of us will be the day that hell freezes over" Giles took his glasses off and wiped them, he was mad at him for following her around, "There is no need for you to stay. Leave us alone" The rest of the scoobies looked between the two British men. Spike knew exactly what they meant. He nodded once, looked at Saff and walked away through the magic box. Saffron stared with her mouth open at Giles and Riley. She glared at them and rolled her eyes. _Fucking men_.


	20. Chapter 20

Spike and Saffron ran towards the vamp that had just appeared out of a fresh grave. He was enjoying himself and had been showing off in front of his girl. He was supposed to be teaching her, but he had been enjoying himself too much when he was fighting. The vamp was new and wasn't much taller than Spike himself. Spike decided to hold the arms of the vampire behind his back to restrain it and gave Saff a chance to dust it. She had a clear shot at his heart and dusted him quickly. He praised her as he dusted himself off, they smiled at each other forgetting their surroundings. They could have been anywhere, and it didn't matter, they had each other.

"Spike, I'm not a baby! Let me have a proper go" She pouted, breaking their moment, wanting to try to fight one on her own already.

"Just showing you how the experts do it, love" He smiled cockily and adjusted his leather duster confidently.

"You're hogging the slaying!" she whined, trying to make him feel guilty. She pouted again, but Spike was too keyed up from the adrenaline of fighting.

"We're not bloody slaying, it's a dance, love" He jumped and did some practice moves in anticipation. She smiled, she enjoyed seeing him so happy and he was always in a good mood when he was fighting like this. They hadn't noticed that Riley and Buffy were watching them the whole time, Spike had grabbed the vampire that Buffy had been about to dust but the pair hadn't noticed them as they were too wrapped up in their own conversation. Buffy watched the way they interacted and she noticed something odd. Riley stood next to her with his arms crossed, he looked to Buffy to see what she was going to say.

"What are you two doing here?" Spike and Saffron turned their heads, neither of them had sensed the two that were watching them despite both of their heightened senses. Saffron looked slightly panicked when she realised who was watching them. Spike spoke up, trying to cover for them both.

"Spot of violence before bedtime, Saff happened to be-" Spike started to make up an excuse, knowing to keep his mouth shut about their relationship.

"Saff? Since when do you call her that?"

"Since-" Saffron quickly tried to explain but Riley cut in faster.

"Since they started sleeping together" Riley said bluntly. He wasn't stupid, he could tell by that interaction that Saffron had been looking and touching since she had said she would stop. Buffy laughed, not believing Riley at first, but when she saw Saffron's panic-stricken face and Spike's smirk she stopped. Buffy jumped into action then, she didn't want the details she just wanted Spike dead. She started to beat him up swiftly, Saffron could barely see Buffy's limbs as she was kicking and hitting him at an ever faster pace.

"Buffy! Buffy, please! Stop it" She grabbed Buffy and tried to pull her off him. This made Buffy stop and turn to Saffron, her expression looked angry.

"You've seriously been having sex with Spike?!" Saffron nodded and looked at the ground, "Spike?!" Buffy shuddered at the thought.

"Well, if you were worried about his performance, he's actually quite good" Saffron spoke up finally, after a long pause, and crossed her arms over her chest. Spike smirked even more and decided he was enjoying this exchange, despite the threat to his unlife.

"He's evil, Saff. He tried to bite you, you remember that right? The night terrors and cutting your own hair in the bathroom?" Buffy asked, concerned for Saffron. Spike must have manipulated her. Buffy looked at Spike who winced slightly at how she described the way Saffron had reacted to their first meeting, "Is it-is it an English thing?" she continued, trying to figure out how this could have happened.

"Why does everyone ask that?" Saff rolled her eyes before continuing, "He's got that chip, he won't hurt me"

"Wouldn't hurt her even if I didn't have the cute little government chip" He stared at her lovingly. Buffy knew then that Spike had done something to trick Saffron and she needed to put a stop to it. He clearly had a sick obsession with her.

"This is ridiculous. Don't go near him again" Buffy ordered her cousin, pointing the stake for emphasis.

"You can't tell me what to do, the good soldier already tried it"

"How long have you known?" Buffy looked shocked and turned to her boyfriend, who looked sheepish. "Saffron. Home. Now" Buffy barked, noticing the look that Spike and Saffron were staring at each other.

"Buff-" Saffron tried to appeal to Buffy, but Buffy wasn't having any of it.

"Now" Buffy repeated, she wasn't happy and Saffron shut up so she wasn't making things worse, "And you. You look at her or even think about her and Mr pointy will dust you so fast I'll be washing you out of my shiny, strawberry scented hair for weeks" Buffy walked threatening over to Spike who had been watching the way her cousin was shouting at her. That's why she wanted it secret. Bloody slayer.

The walk home had been in a cold silence. Saffron could feel disappointment and anger coming from Buffy and it was almost unbearable. They had got into the kitchen and switch the lights on, still in complete silence. Dawn and Joyce were in bed. The girls both stood and stared at the other from across the counter, Saffron was bracing herself for Buffy to kick her out or something. Still, she maintained a brave face.

"What do you think you're doing?" Buffy questioned in disbelief, she was struggling to keep cool.

"Thought I'd give the vampire thing a go, worked so well for you" Saffron replied coolly, but inside she was panicking. She put her hands in her pockets to hide the shaking.

"It was different with me" Buffy answered and this annoyed Saff. It had been a lot worse between her and Angel.

"Oh, because the slayer is never to blame?" She shot back, unable to bite her tongue.

"No, because Angel had a soul" She replied quickly, before asking, "Why, Saff?"

"When I'm with- It just started when-" Saffron struggled to explain herself. She cursed herself for being useless at stuff like this.

"End it" Buffy took her response as embarrassment and not a sign of a relationship, "End it and we'll forget about it. Nobody else needs to know. I'll tell Riley and we'll just pretend nothing happened" Saffron hesitated, not sure what the right response was. She nodded in silent agreement, not able to meet Buffy's eyes properly. Behind her usual confident attitude was not necessarily how she felt inside and she cursed herself for not being braver like Buffy. True to who she was like Willow. Goofily uncaring like Xander.

"Just, uh, don't slay him… I'd feel responsible" Saff added. Buffy nodded, but she didn't agree to not beating him up when she next saw him.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff was sat on the couch in Spike's crypt. Spike was sat next to her, his eyes on her. She had chipped all of the nail varnish off her fingers. She was nervous about what she was about to say and she knew Spike might react badly. She needed to face up to it though. She couldn't go on like this any longer. The pause was agonising as she tried to figure out exactly the right words to break the news.

"I'm going to give up smoking" She stated, she had given it a lot of thought and decided that she needed to be a better role model for Dawn. Spike just smiled and started lighting up a cigarette. He exhaled smoke towards her and grinned. "You are evil" she told him as she shoved him lightly.

"What can I tell you? I've always been bad" he smirked through the cloud of smoke around him, "Is this sudden change because just the smell of smoke will remind you of me and you'll come running back?" he purred and leaned closer to her.

"Spike, you saw how she was. I had to say we'd end it, properly this time." She straightened her ponytail and added, "She really would have staked you, did you see the look in her eyes?" Saffron shuddered at the way Buffy had looked at them.

"Maybe we should stop seeing each other then" he said, throwing his cigarette away and leaning ever closer so he could press light kisses along her neck. Her breathing quickened as he started to kiss her agonisingly slowly, along her jawline. He found his way to her pulse point and bit down slightly with his blunt teeth. This elicited a small moan from Saffron and she ran her hands through his hair with anticipation. She was breathing heavily and he smirked into her neck at the way he made her feel. She was letting him feel it again.

"Well, maybe we'll stop seeing each other from tomorrow" She mumbled, willing him to continue.

"Mm, or the day after" Neither of them had any intention of not seeing the other again, and Spike, for his own preservation, had agreed grudgingly to act as if they weren't together anymore. It meant they were going to have to be extremely careful but they couldn't let what they had go. They had started to kiss passionately, ignoring whatever was on the tv when the door to the crypt swung open and the two sprung apart. Crap.

Harmony burst in and quickly shut the door, she looked scared and sounded out of breath, which Saffron knew was an act because she didn't need to breathe.

"Is it safe? Has Buff-"

"Hey, Harm. Long time, probably not long enough" Saffron waved and then slinked her arm up Spike's chest. Harmony looked between them both and pulled a face.

"Blondie bear? Are you- are you with her?" Harmony asked, wrinkling her nose as she was human and well, not her. Saffron turned to Spike and mouthed, "Blondie bear?" which made Spike roll his eyes and get annoyed at Harmony.

"What on God's buggering earth, do you want, Harm?" He asked, clearly irritated. He had been enjoying himself before she had interrupted. He wanted to get her out as soon as possible so they could continue where they left off.

"It's her-her cousin" Harmony pointed at Saff, "Buffy. She's after me. She won't stop until she's killed me to death" Harmony looked genuinely scared and was trying to appeal to Spike for help. "She's my arch nemesis" she explained. This made saffron laugh and Harmony frowned at her, upset that she found this funny.

"Well, you can't bloody hide here. I've got my own slayer problems, you know" Spike snapped, but Saffron looked at the way Harmony was frightened. She could almost feel the fear, it was so strong. However, Harmony was still dead so she couldn't actually feel it unless she was in physical contact. And that wasn't going to happen any time soon if Saff could help it.

"Let her, Spike. Look, she's on the lam" She pointed to Harmony who nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

"I'm not a sodding vampire creche" He started, but Saffron gave him a look that told him she wanted him to do this for her. He watched her closely, not so recently she had been jealous of Harmony. She seemed to be genuinely empathetic towards the vampire she had gone to school with. Her feelings were strong, so he reluctantly agreed that she could stay, as long as she didn't unpack her bag or make herself at home.

Harmony smiled and sat on the couch. She reached into her bag and struggled to light up a thin cigarette. Saffron watched her struggle for a while before reaching to take the lighter and the cigarette from her and quickly lighting it up for her and handing it back. She smiled and thanked her and looked over at Spike who was looking between the pair of them, with darkened eyes. Saffron stared back with her own eyes raised, snapping him out of whatever fantasy he had conjured up about them.

Spike told Saffron lighting up counted as smoking, so she hadn't even lasted a day of quitting. He then started to tease Harmony about how Buffy was on her tail and Saffron threw a cushion at him to shut him up. Saffron then shrugged at what Spike had said and borrowed a cigarette from Harmony and lit up for herself. She'd quit after this one. The three of them stayed in Spike's crypt for a while until Saffron needed to go so she would get in before her cousin. That way, Buffy wouldn't ask any more questions.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had been helping at the magic box that morning. She had had a strange feeling when she had woken up, like she was missing something. Or she had forgotten about something important. She guessed it was the weird dreams she had been having the night before. She had been dreaming of weird scenes but what linked them all was the number. Three, again. When she had arrived, Giles had revealed a circular table near the front of the shop with a sliding curtain and a little crystal ball on it. He explained it was so that she could take readings on some of the days and he would help her advertise it properly. He had made the area for her to read Tarot and the back for Buffy to train. Saffron was touched, and beyond happy. She appreciated the way Giles treated her, she didn't know what she would do without him. She got so excited she started to dance around the room and Tara smiled at her. Saff could feel that Tara was happy for her but she also longed to do readings herself. With a grin, Saff swayed over to her, apparently the only one that could hear the music she was dancing to, and asked Tara if she'd help out with the readings and she seemed to light up at the idea. Saffron took Tara's hands, ignoring the cold jolt that shocked them, and started to direct her arms to sway in time with her own. Giles and the others watched amused as Saffron stopped once she noticed she had been embarrassing Tara.

Saff was still in a good mood when the phone started ringing. She felt like she was forgetting something again, but this didn't stop her skipping towards the phone to pick it up. Her heart quickened and her stomach dropped as she heard Dawn's voice on the other end. She screamed for Saffron to come home. Something had happened to Joyce. Dawn had already called 911 and Saffron promised she would be at the hospital right away to meet her there. She called Buffy before she left to check she knew and then rushed out of the door, throwing an apology at Giles as she left. Luckily, her new boss was more accommodating than her last.

Saffron had been sitting with Dawn in the waiting room, she didn't need to be empathic to know how Dawn was feeling. She felt the same. Her younger cousin was leaning against her and Saffron was stroking her hair, willing her to feel the comfort she was sending. Dawn was fiddling with the stethoscope in her lap when Buffy and Riley sprinted over to them. The three girls hugged as Ben, the nurse, walked over to them to confirm that Joyce was doing okay. Saffron got a strange feeling from Ben, but guessed it was because he was quite attractive in a normal sort of way, he kind of reminded her of Graham a little. Riley started to ask questions, which received an eye roll from Saffron. She was still annoyed with him for telling Buffy about her and Spike. She listened to Ben explaining the situation and let Dawn listen to her heart with the stethoscope she had borrowed. She watched Dawn listen to everyone else's heart beats with interest, but when she got to Riley's Saffron could feel shock echo through her brain as Dawn stared up at him. She must hear something. Dawn went and sat back down next to Saffron and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Dr Dawn, what's your professional opinion on Riley's heart rate?" Saff whispered while Ben and Buffy were still talking. Dawn thought for a while and looked up at her older cousin.

"I think it's wrong" She said, not sure how to explain it.

"What's wrong with it, Dawny?"

"It's all fast, it's like beating double everyone else's" Dawn explained with a frown, and Saffron grabbed the stethoscope and listened for herself. Her eyes widened as she heard the beating, it was as if he had run very fast but he wasn't even moving. Riley had looked down at her with a frown, quirking his eyebrow as if to ask what she thought she was doing. She scowled back, reconsidering if she wanted to tell him.

"Riley, you need a doctor" She said bluntly, deciding no matter what she felt about him, he shouldn't be left like that. She waved her arms around, trying to get Buffy's attention. She let both him and Buffy listen to Riley's heart and Buffy dragged him away to the doctor's room. Dawn and Saffron waited impatiently for both Riley and Joyce to come out of their respective hospital rooms and Saff tried her best to distract Dawn with a game of _'that man's a gigolo_'. This was a game Saffron had picked up from somewhere, where they looked at the people walking past and guessed their backstory. Saffron hadn't told Dawn the real name of the game, she didn't want to get told off by Joyce for teaching her the word Gigolo.

"That one" Dawn nudged her head at a grey-haired registrar. He had tiny glasses on the end of his nose and bushy, grey eyebrows that seemed to be arranged in a permanent scowl.

"Easy. He was the best up and coming ballerina in the New York company" Dawn snorted as she looked at the stocky old man, "He broke his face doing one of the most complicated lifts, it's called the crane toss, and he sort of fell back on his career as a surgeon. To be a ballerina, you need an open and friendly face but when he broke it, his eyebrows didn't set back in place properly and he was cursed with a constant frown" This made Dawn laugh, her cousin was making her feel better. Dawn asked Saff to pick her a person to make up a story about. At this moment, Riley stormed out of the room with Buffy close behind. She was trying to convince him to go back in but he wouldn't listen. He muttered something about getting some air and left the girls in the waiting room.

Buffy was so worried and not even Saff could do anything to calm her down. She was pacing and explaining what the doctor had said. Saffron knew there was something she could do, but she needed some help. This is gonna be fun. She grabbed some quarters from her purse and walked up to the payphone in the room. She sighed before dialling the number.

"Uh, hi, Gray… Please don't put the phone down, it's about Riley. He's in trouble" She rushed. "Hello?" She asked again. There was a long pause, but someone was still on the line.

"Meet me at the park at noon" He said simply before putting the phone down as quickly as he had picked up. Saff rolled her eyes but decided she would have to go. She explained to Buffy what she was doing and her cousin smiled tightly at her as she watched Saff leave to meet Graham.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike had been playing a word game with Harmony, and his patience with her was wearing thin. He wished Saffron would come back, she was the one that made him let her stay after all and she wasn't even doing her share of minding Harm. The crypt door swung open and Harmony went to hide in case Buffy had come to kill her finally. It was, in fact, the slayer and Spike was instantly defensive. He hadn't seen the slayer since what had happened with Saffron and he didn't know what her intentions would be.

Buffy took some money out and explained that she wanted him to check the caves for Riley. Spike didn't say anything, he just watched her. It couldn't be this simple. Buffy ripped up half the money and passed it to him, before starting to walk out. She turned as she got to the door.

"Saffron is already happier without you following her round, stalking her from the shadows. She doesn't need you manipulating her into anything" Buffy stated, her hands on her hips. Spike rolled his eyes at this; he was tired of the self-righteous slayer bit.

"Didn't make her do anything, if you recall she made sure _everyone_ knew my performance in bed was very good" He smirked cockily and raised his eyebrows. Buffy came over and punched him hard on the nose.

"You really are disgusting, Spike. You know she sees the good everyone and it blinds her to people like you. The evil ones" She spat at him, but this made Spike grin wider. He didn't have Saffron to hold him back now, he wanted to rub it in. He had been with Saffron because he wanted her, but it was a bonus that he could hurt the slayer at the same time.

"Mm, maybe sweet Honeysuckle enjoyed the nastier side. She certainly liked it when we-" Spike was cut off by another blow and Buffy turned to leave again, and added as she walked away, "Oh, thought you might want to know that Saff is meeting with Graham as we speak. You've got no chance with her, Spike" She smiled and stalked into the night, hoping that Spike would still look through the caves if he wanted the rest of the money. She couldn't resist telling him. Spike let Harmony out from her hiding place and started to pace back and forth. He didn't want Graham near her and he was trying to come up with a plan. He told Harmony to grab the bow and follow him.

Saffron was waiting with Graham for Riley and Buffy to show. It had been awkward since they had met at the park, Graham had tried to convince Riley before he had met her but he left it for Buffy instead. They had chatted about Riley and what everyone had been up to but avoided the harder topics. Saffron was sat on one of the hard, plastic seats in the hospital and Graham moved from where he was stood pacing, waiting for Riley, to sit. His leg was bouncing slightly as he was still concerned for his friend. Saff sensed this, but thought better of offering a comforting hand.

"How's it going, doll?" He finally asked, not quite meeting her eyes.

"It's going. You know, worried about my Auntie and Riley too now. Always seem to be working and, uh, I've dropped out of college. Please don't say anything if Riley and Buff come though" She explained quickly, making sure to avoid mentioning Spike. She didn't like seeing him upset.

"What? How come? Is it him?" Graham seemed shocked she was dropping out and instantly blamed Spike for it.

"Nothing to do with Spike. Managed to do some thinking all by myself" She rolled her eyes but smiled to show him she wasn't annoyed.

"You're smart, you could do something important. Don't give that up for a job in a book store"

"Oh, I was sacked from there. I'm working in a magic shop now, if it ever gets sorted in time for opening. Besides, I am doing important things, I help my cousin save the world, that's not exactly an easy breezy extra-curricular" She told him, defending her decision. "You know, I feel like this is the most I've shared with you. Even when we were dating, I felt so distant" She looked at him, her vulnerability showing, she had never talked to him like this before.

"I could tell. I looked at you some days and you were in a different world. I was just happy to be close to you" He shrugged, he was moving on slowly but talking about it still stung him.

"I really am sorry, Gray. You'll meet someone kind and decent, someone that treats you as well as you treat them. I'm sorry that wasn't me" She said honestly, although some of it was to save his feelings. If she was honest, she had felt trapped with him. But she knew his intentions had been kind.

"No problem, doll face. We should have known from the start we'd hit something like that" He repeated something she had once said to him about how opposite they had been. She smiled at the memory, things had seemed more simple back then.

"So, we're good? Wanna hug it out like we're on a cheesy tween tv show?" She offered her arms out and he would have felt rude to reject her. He was still fond of her after everything and tried not to appear too eager to meet her friendly embrace. Predictably, Spike and Harmony had decided to burst into the waiting room at that exact moment. Spike's chest dropped, the slayer had been right. He ran and pulled Graham away from her and told Harm to point the weapon at him.

"Spike!" Saff shouted standing between the two men.

"Oh, now we're a bleeding love triangle. It's not a bloody blockbuster you've seen at the Sunnydale drive-in, love"

"Spike, it was a hug. Stop throwing your weight around like some bloody caveman" She warned him, before adding more softly, "We were saying goodbye"

"Don't fucking touch her again" Spike stood dangerously close to Graham, the height difference didn't make Spike any less menacing. Graham crossed his hands over his chest, staring back. He knew he'd done nothing wrong. Buffy and Riley arrived then to get him to the doctors. She rolled her eyes when she saw that Spike had come with Harmony, he really was obsessed with her cousin and it annoyed her. Saffron was trying to separate the two men from their posturing without much luck.

"Can we cool the display of testosterone for one minute. We're here for Riley and look, he's here" Saffron said the latter part more to Graham, she knew Spike didn't like Riley. Graham looked over and started to step towards Riley but Harmony's hand slipped at the sudden movement and she shot him with one of the arrows. Spike smirked at what had happened and Graham groaned in pain. Buffy took Riley quickly to the doctor and brought one out for Graham.

When she returned, she saw Spike was a bristling with a burning jealousy in the corner next to Harmony as Saffron knelt next to Graham. _Good_, Buffy thought. _She made the right choice_. The doctor took over from Saffron where she was trying to comfort him and she followed them to the room Graham was going to be treated in. This left Buffy, Harmony and Spike in the waiting room together.

"Why don't I make you an offer, slayer?" He acted as if he was in deep thought as he proposed, "You convince the good military doctor to get my chip out and I'll leave your precious cousin alone" He had no plans of leaving Saffron alone, he loved her. But he decided while they were pretending anyway, he might as well get something good out of it. He was evil, after all. Buffy laughed, as if he couldn't possibly be serious. She suggested he walked away, he wasn't getting the chip out.

"You know what, Spike? I've had just about enough of dealing with you" She stated, and started to land blows on his face and anywhere she could reach. Harmony cut in, trying her best to help with the fight. The three of them fought and traded blows. Spike was giving himself a headache but he wanted to land at least one punch for the slayer. Saffron ran out of the room she had followed Graham into and stared at the three fighting in the room, she had heard them and decided she needed to stop them. She shouted, but nobody listened. She got annoyed and just stared, hard. Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing and stared at her. They suddenly felt calmness wash over them all, as if they hadn't been fighting viciously moments ago. Saffron was influencing their emotions and nobody knew what to say. They all stared, unable to feel angry enough to fight, and saffron stared right back.

"Why don't I make you_ all_ an offer? Leave or stay, but just leave each other alone" Saffron asked, showing she had heard the conversation. She looked at Buffy and Spike, not caring much if Harmony stayed or left. She turned and went back to check on Graham without a glance behind her. The three were awe-struck at what she had done, so much so that they really did stop fighting. Buffy went to check on Riley and Spike and Harm left for the crypt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the most recent chapters, please tell me what you think! Are you enjoying the story? Are the chapters too long? Are you invested in Saff and Spike's relationship? Feel free to comment below, or don't, it's all up to you! xoxo


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

Saffron sleepily rubbed her eyes as she entered the kitchen. The other women in the house had all been up for a while but Saffron had never been good at waking in the morning. She was dressed in black trousers and a navy t-shirt and she was excited for her first proper shift at the Magic box. They had taken so much time making it all nice and she was glad to actually start work. Her excitement was mixed with confusion though, her dreams had kept waking her up as she had been dreaming about falling into the darkness, the way she had when she met the priestess. The number three had circled her mind throughout her sleep, this time, Dawn who had been glowing green, was in her dream telling her that three was an important number.

She had also been thinking of Spike, he had calmed down when she had confirmed, again, that the hug with Graham had been to say goodbye after everything. She had tried to tell him to stop being so jealous, but deep down she knew he couldn't help his insecurities. She didn't stay annoyed at him, she just made sure to show him that she cared, reassuring him with soft touches and kisses when they met in his crypt that evening. She just wished he could trust her.

"Saffron?" Joyce questioned, she hadn't been listening to the conversation, just cutting her omelette into tiny pieces as she thought about Spike and the mysterious number three. She looked up from her plate and out of her own head when she heard her name.

"Sorry, J. What was that?" Saffron asked, yawning, to prove that she was just sleepy not ignoring anyone. The other women were used to this, she wasn't often up this early out of choice. Joyce repeated her question and asked if she was excited for the store opening, which Saffron enthusiastically nodded her head. She looked at her auntie with slight concern though, she was still worried about her condition. She looked at the women around the table, her family. There was a pause and Saffron decided to tell them all then and there. She said it quickly, like she was ripping off a plaster. She had to tell them, it was now or never.

"I'm uh, I'm dropping out of college" Saffron shrugged. She put a forkful of omelette in her mouth and stared at her plate as Buffy and Joyce started to verbalise their shock and worry about her. "Really not a big deal, I want to stay here. Work at the shop until I find something else. Xander's doing okay and he never even went"

"But you loved it there, honey" Joyce frowned in concern.

"And now I don't love it. I was never good at the reading for a class thing" She shrugged and took her plate to the sink and cleaned it up. She took care doing it, tuning out everything she could feel from the others. She had noticed her abilities were getting easier to control, she could turn the feelings up or down, sort of like a dial for everyone else's emotions. Buffy frowned but stood up to leave with Dawn. Saffron said she would stay back and help Joyce get set up on the sofa in the living room so she could take it easy. Her auntie had been watching her while she set up everything and grabbed the remote for her.

"Honey, why have you dropped out?"

"I already said-" She tried to repeat her earlier excuse but Joyce gave her a look. A look that saw into her soul better than any demon could. Saffron thought about it properly for a minute before revealing, "I don't feel like I have a future, J. All this prophecy research with Giles… If I don't live up to it, I have no future anywa-" Saffron started sobbing and slowly sat next to Joyce on the end of the couch. She hadn't realised that the dreams and the prophecy research had affected her so much. Joyce held her niece and stroked her hair. Saff knew she shouldn't have told Joyce, she didn't need any more stress in her condition. Joyce tried to convince her to keep going to college anyway, despite her worries but Saff just shook her head. She was stubborn and she had already made up her mind. Plus, she wanted to keep an eye on Joyce after what happened the other week, but she would never reveal that to Joyce. She didn't want her feeling responsible. Saff and Joyce discussed how things were going and how far they had gotten in deciphering what her big destiny was. They sat together for a while, Joyce still comforting the girl she saw as her middle child.

"Auntie J…" She looked up, her cheeks still stained with tears, she was determined to be honest with her auntie, "you remember I mentioned a man?"

"The one that makes you smile?" Joyce asked and Saffron just nodded, was she going to do this? She took a deep breath, and continued.

"It's Spike" She pulled a face as if she was worried what her response would be.

"The vampire Spike?" Joyce questioned slowly, she was deep in thought at the news. Saff nodded again, she could feel that Joyce was considering the news and seemed worried. "My girls really don't have a great taste in men" She laughed and Saff smiled. "And you're definitely happy, honey?"

"The happiest. Please don't tell Buffy, she's already tried to stake him when she heard the first time" Saffron shook her head, unsure what to do now. Joyce looked confused at her word choice and ended up explaining the whole story. Joyce smiled and agreed to keep it from Buffy for the time being but warned that she would have to tell Buffy again soon if she really felt for him. She eventually got up to leave and Joyce told her before she left, "Be careful, Saff"

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron arrived at the Magic Box just as the customers were starting to rush in. She had wanted to set up her Tarot table and start with some readings, but there was so many customers in she was needed behind the counter. She started to wrap a gift for a customer, which Anya quickly took off her and started an elaborate way of wrapping and added ribbon to the top. Saffron rolled her eyes, if she had been alive for millions of years, she'd get the hang of wrapping presentably. She had gotten requests all morning for readings, but she couldn't leave the shop floor and promised people that she would set up in the afternoon if there was less of a rush. She was enjoying the busy store, it was so much more interesting than working in the book store and she liked chatting to the customers. It felt like acting, and today she was herself but more enthusiastic and happier to help. Not an eye roll in sight, in front of the customers anyway.

She didn't realise that Spike had sneaked in the back way to come and watch her working. He smiled when he saw her face, she seemed to be enjoying the buzz of the busy shop. He watched her wrapping and showing customers around the store. He loved the way she seemed to be dancing around the store, her smile was bright and her high ponytail flicked around with the speed she as rushing around. It made him think of something Graham had said. She belongs in the light he thought to himself, he wished he could give her more than he did. He watched her through the morning and left to sleep in his crypt that was finally Harmony free. Meanwhile, Saff was still oblivious to Spike's presence. Willow had been filling her in about the strange Orb that Buffy had found while she was on patrol between customers. She tried to seem interested in the orb, but she was more interested in what her and Joyce had spoken about that morning. She liked work because it distracted her. She waited patiently to hear about the orb before she explained to willow that she was dropping out of college and received a reaction she hadn't been expecting.

"Saffy! You can't! You promised you were doing drama now that Buffy dropped it!" She complained.

"Look, babe, I need a break from the education station, it was bringing me down! I want to focus on fun things, like-"

"Excuse me, where can I find the bats wing?" A customer tapped Saffron on the shoulder and she grimaced at the idea of killing a bat for its wings but remembered there were some in a jar in the corner. She turned to face the customer with a wide, constructed smile on her face, and asked her to follow her. She could still feel the sadness and uncertainty for the future in the back of her mind but as she was weaving in and out of the customers, her ability to read emotions helped her deal with each customer perfectly and kept her mind off other things. Giles had been impressed with the way she was working.

The phone rang again, for what felt like the thousandth time that day and Giles picked up, stating that it was the Magic Box and that he would be happy to help. He listened for a few minutes and went to grab Saffron's attention, it was for her. Saffron looked confused, most of the people she talked to were in the store. Shit, Joyce. Saffron thought the worst, worried that her auntie was back in the hospital and rushed to grab the phone from Giles who watched her, amused at her manner.

"Saff?" The voice asked. She recognised that voice.

"Hail! How was Arizona?" She greeted her old roommate from the year before. After everything that had been going on, she had almost forgotten about her, but she was so pleased to hear from her. She really did like her.

"Oh, change of plan. I stayed in Sunnydale this summer" She breezed back in the way she always did.

"You should have said, we could have met up!" Saffron gushed, she could have done with talking it all through with Hayley like they used to before summer.

"Why don't we meet tonight? Near the Fishtank on the far side of town?" Hayley asked and Saffron pulled a face, she didn't really like the bar but she knew that Hayley probably knew a friend who could get them discount drinks or something. She didn't want to be rude about the place.

"Is that place still standing? Sure, is 8p.m okay?"

"Make it 9p.m, I'll see you then" The phone clicked off and Saffron smiled and put the phone back. Giles reminded her that she was at work and shouldn't really be accepting social calls, and she mock saluted and rushed into the crowd that had seemed to have multiplied since she had turned her back to talk to Hayley.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The afternoon was still busy in the store but Saffron got permission from her new boss to set up some readings. She was excited, she felt professional, maybe tarot could be a full-time career, she wondered to herself. If she managed to live that long, of course. She was shuffling her cards in between appointments and decided to do a reading for herself. She picked a card at random. The moon. She closed her eyes and let the voice take over. This represents a time of uncertainty and illusion, when nothing is what it seems. Warnings connect like stars and things will be clearer before dawn breaks. She repeated the words over to try and understand them clearer. She would keep them in mind. She got up from her seat and walked over to Giles. Things had calmed down a little as it was nearing the end of the day and Anya was excitedly talking about all the money she was going to get now she was working there. Saffron smiled at the ex-demon, she must have listened to her about getting a job. Anya bobbed her head as she re-counted to the money in the till. Saffron asked Giles if she was okay to leave early, like they had discussed earlier. She needed time to get ready and walk over to the other side of town to get to where she was meeting Hayley. Giles had been impressed with her customer service, if he was honest he had had his reservations about Saffron's attitude at times. He let her go and told her he expected her bright and early the next morning, and Saffron agreed and winked at Anya who had stated bluntly that Saffron was rarely on time and she never woke up early. Anya didn't understand the wink but smiled anyway, she liked feeling like she was part of the group and Saff was one of the only people that made her feel included. Saffron grabbed her bag from behind the counter and rushed home where she was going to spend a few hours before she went to meet Hayley.

At the same time as Saffron's reading, Buffy was doing a spell. This spell revealed that Dawn wasn't who she said she was. All the pictures of the four women they had hanging around the house when they were younger were revealing only Saffron, Buffy and Joyce and removing the youngest Summers. Buffy was confused and scared of what Dawn was doing in her home. She contacted Giles, hoping Saffron was there so she could bring her to interrogate Dawn properly. She was handy when they were detecting deception. Giles explained Saffron was out, not realising she was returning home first, so Buffy left to go back to find out about Dawn. She rushed out of the door to find Spike hanging around and smoking near a tree. He knew Saffron was coming home for a bit and wanted to see if he could see her before she went out. He had tried to hide but Buffy pulled him into view. She punched him successively until he hit the tree behind him.

"What are you doing? 5 words or less" Buffy put her hands on her hips and waited impatiently.

"Out for a walk… bitch" He said quickly. Buffy crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at the vampire she was mad at.

"Leave her alone, Spike" Buffy warned, "You're a pig" She added and punched him for good measure. He explained that he was only passing through and was going to be on his way. She let him go this time, she had too much on her mind. When she saw a pile of cigarette ends on the floor she scowled, promising herself to threaten him later on. Buffy ran off into the night, hoping to find answers about who Dawn really was.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had dressed up to meet Hayley, she knew that Hayley always made an effort when she went out. She had decided to wear a dark red, strapless velvet dress and paired it with some fishnet tights. Her makeup was softer than usual, but she had taken a while on it. She had all her usual silver jewelry on, including the bracelet that Hayley had bought her for her birthday last year. She felt like she hadn't seen her for a long time, and she was excited to hear about her summer. She'd probably stayed in Sunnydale because she'd fallen in love. Hayley used to fall in love every week when they shared a dorm. It had been horrible when the man of the week had broken her heart, she'd be sobbing until she caught the eye of the next guy and Saffron had usually sobbed along with her because of how much she had been surrounded by her emotions when they lived together. She checked her watch; she was a few minutes early. Hayley always had this eerie talent of getting everywhere exactly on time, so she waited patiently. She tapped her hands on her legs, usually she would have a smoke while she waited but she was still trying to quit. 9pm on the dot Hayley came into view and Saffron smiled and walked over to hug her. Hayley was wearing a tiny pink crop top that barely covered her chest and pink vinyl leather trousers which she had never seen her wear before. No wonder she felt so cold.

"Hayley! I'm so glad you called, I've really missed you"

"Have you?"

"Course, babe! You're like a sister, you were my rock last year. A very pink, bubbly rock" She beamed and noticed that although Hayley had smiled, it didn't reach her eyes. Saffron looked at her again, her naturally tan skin was a lot paler as if she hadn't seen the sun at all that summer. Her eyes that were a deep brown usually, had a strange amber hue running through them. Hayley's nails were longer than Saffron's and they had been painted baby pink. Saffron complimented them and asked if she had gone to get acrylics done as Hayley had never been able to grow her nails. They were usually bitten below the skin on her fingers. Hayley just shook her head and seemed to be looking below Saffron's ear intently. Saffron smiled widely and asked if she liked her new earrings, they were large silver hoops shaped like big stars and she moved the hoop around to show her the shape. Hayley didn't move her eyes from the spot slightly below her earring and Saffron felt a cold shiver. She knew something was wrong then and he stepped back a pace, but Hayley quickly matched her and stepped forwards in a pink vinyl stiletto heel.

"Took you long enough" Hayley laughed cruelly. She used a long, sharp fingernail to place a strand of Saff's loose hair behind her ear. Saffron shivered but made herself look at Hayley's face. She changed in front of her, Hayley's pretty face had shifted. Long fangs had grown in her mouth and her forehead had harsh ridges that changed her expression completely. Her eyes were now completely amber and you could barely see her freckles that had once peppered almost her whole face. She looked menacing and Saffron was paralysed with fear as Hayley stared intently at the same spot. "Nice of you to mention the demons of the night, _babe_"

"Hayley, I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry" her eyes filled with tears and she cursed herself for showing her emotion. Her friend was dead and the demon had taken her over. She tried to get through to the Hayley she knew but this woman before her only wanted one thing from her. And it wasn't her apologies.

"Met an old friend of yours, actually. I thought she wanted to be my friend. She seemed sweet and we hit it off. She showed me the real side of Sunnydale, the one you neglected to mention"

"Would you have ever believed me, Hail?" She tried to appeal to her by using the nickname she used to call her. Hayley thought for a minute and shrugged, that didn't matter now. She seemed to blame Saffron for what had happened to her, and Saffron did feel responsible "Wait, which friend?"

"Harmony. She says you're the slayer's kin"

"You know, just because you're evil now doesn't mean you have to use words like kin. I'm not sure what Harmony told you bu-" Saffron was cut off as Hayley grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her to the ground. Saffron didn't know what to do, she was still mourning the loss of her friend and now what? She had to be eaten by her too?

Saffron grabbed Hayley's legs from where she was stood over her and pulled them from under her. Hayley hadn't been expecting it and toppled over. Saffron got up to run back through the streets and try and find somewhere familiar to hide, she fumbled with her purse that was banging against her side as she sprinted. Hayley was too quick and had grabbed her and threw her against the brick wall of the alley Saffron had started to run through. Saffron wiped sweat and tears from her face as she stared at Hayley and one arm was behind her back, being scraped against the rough brick. Hayley's arm was across Saffron's neck almost choking her as she smiled widely, showing her pearly white fangs. Saffron closed her eyes, knowing what was coming. She didn't want to have to see it happening. Hayley moved her arm out of the way so she could access her neck and just as quickly Saffron moved her arm from behind her back and, with the stake she had grabbed from her black purse while she was running, plunged it with force into Hayley's heart. When Saff opened her eyes, dust was still in the air around her and she dropped to her knees, pain evident on her face as she collapsed into a fit of tears.

Since the night with Hayley, she had barely left the house. She had forgotten to wash her hair until one of the Summers women had reminded her. She had sat on the floor of the shower for what felt like hours, not able to move with the weight of the guilt that was pressing down on her. She could vaguely feel everyone's concern when they came to the basement to see her, but she was so numb that she managed to block everything out.

She had been replaying the scene over in her head since it had happened. Saffron had stayed in that alley most of the night, unable to move. Unable to look away from the pile of dust on the floor. Spike had found her accidentally; she didn't look at him when he helped her to her feet. Spike was concerned, he didn't know what to do. He had never seen her like this, her usual sparkle in her eyes had gone and her face was stained with tears. She wouldn't speak and she just stared into the distance. She was ice cold and Spike shrugged off his duster to wrap around her as he supported her frame through the streets. She could barely put one step in front of the other but Spike steered her in the right direction. He spoke to her about anything he could think of, trying to comfort her or distract her. He was desperate to know what was wrong, but he never pressed her to speak.

Spike had taken a deep, unneeded breath as he knocked on the front door. Buffy opened it and looked between Spike and Saffron with scrutiny before noticing Saffron's face. She brought her inside and took Spike's coat off her, throwing it at him and slamming the door in his face. Buffy had asked a lot of questions and Saffron didn't know how to answer. It was as if using her voice too much would have made her collapse with the effort.

"Saff, I need to know. What happened?" Buffy pressed.

"Hayley" Saffron had repeated, sounding like a broken record as she tried to gather her thoughts and string a sentence together. "Staked her" She choked out eventually, running her hands through her hair and sobbing again.

Dawn had made her breakfast one morning. It was pancakes and fresh orange juice. Saffron barely touched it, but she made sure to smile at the young girl who had been really trying. There was a rose on the side, she knew Buffy would have told her not to leave any flowers but Dawn liked to add things like that. Dawn had sat on the end of her bed and told her all about the pet cat that they had to have put down when she was 8, trying to show her cousin that she understood. Saffron appreciated that the girl was trying and gave her a hug.

Saffron was speaking more, but she was never quite in the room. The guilt had consumed her, she felt like she had killed her. She had been sitting in the magic box, staring at a wall. She could hear the way Hayley had turned to dust. It had a very specific sound that she had never noticed when Buffy had dusted vampires before. Willow and Tara had sat in front of her and jointly handed her a little bag of herbs and told her to put it under her pillow. She nodded and thanked them but continued to stare through them. Xander had been telling her jokes ever since he had arrived, he didn't know how to comfort her and had decided humour was the best way to go.

_In England there's a phrase, 'making a mountain out of a molehill'. My parents always used to tell me I was so dramatic. That's what everyone must think about how I've been the past few weeks. It's where you make a big fucking deal out of something small. Buffy slays vampires everyday and she didn't think twice about sending Angel to hell. But when I looked at Hayley, it was her. Her fucking obsession with pink and the same flowery perfume she always wore. Some days I wish she had got me before I got the stake._ Saffron wrote it, in a rare moment she could haul herself out of bed, knowing everyone had been very understanding. She was mostly convincing herself to move on.

It had taken a while, but Saffron was mostly back to normal around the others now, and the only person she revealed her continued grief and guilt to was Spike. He struggled to relate to what she was saying, but he was always there when she needed him. He hated finding her like that and he tried his best to give her what she needed.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22:

Saffron heard Buffy talking in a low voice on the phone. She had come into the main part of the house for a change of scene, the walls she had been staring at had started to move because she had been staring too long. She still had a lot on her mind and although things were better than they had been, Saffron had dealt with grief before, the recent events had brought everything back to her. She stood in the doorframe and watched as Buffy spoke in a hushed tone to whoever was on the other end. She had been so distracted with her own guilt she hadn't noticed that Buffy was hiding something, but she could feel that now. Buffy put the phone down and ran her hand through her hair. Saffron frowned and walked into the kitchen.

"Buff? What's going on?"

"It's Dawn" Buffy said, after a long hesitation. She knew whatever she had come up with Saffron would know she was lying, and she needed to talk to someone else about it. Buffy explained everything. The spell and Dawn. The monk and the key. Saffron just stared, open mouthed as Buffy kept talking. It was a lot to take in, especially for someone that had barely spoken to anyone for weeks.

"No. No, she's- she's my little cousin" Saffron shook her head, unable to comprehend what Buffy was telling her. The moon. A whisper made her go cold. The illusion, it's Dawn. Buffy was being honest and Saff didn't know what to do. She had so many memories with Dawn, how could she have only just arrived? How could she have missed that?

"But, Buff. I took her for ice creams after school on hot days and-and do you remember when she'd beg us to take her to the park? She said it wasn't fun without us there, but we knew she needed us to intimidate the bigger kids for her"

"I know. But none of that was real, Saff. The memories were faked" Buffy said, she was reflecting on her own memories of Dawn and she put her arm around her taller cousin.

"It's not fake. I feel it" Saffron put her hand to her chest. She looked at Buffy and saw that she was at just as much of a loss as she was.

"I do too" Buffy replied, her eyes were brimming with tears as well. The girls hugged for a while, knowing they were the only ones that had this connection. It had only been Buffy and Saffron, but neither of them could stop thinking about Dawn. A tear tried to slip from Saffron's eye, but she was determined to steel herself. She wanted to be strong for Dawn, and Buffy. Buffy seemed to be taking this hard and she decided in that moment she needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and help Buffy figure out what's going on. Buffy was grateful she had Saff, she couldn't handle it if she was left with the fake memories of a sister and nobody else. Apparently, Dawn wasn't aware she wasn't real. Which made sense as Saffron couldn't feel deception in the house when she was around. The girls stayed up most of the night talking and deciding what the best thing to do was. All they knew for sure is they had to protect Dawn at all costs.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had arrived at Buffy's dorm room earlier than everyone else. She had asked her how everything was and they talked in a low whisper about Dawn and how they were both feeling. Saff was worried about Buffy moving back into Revello Drive as well, she wanted Buffy to be sure and she had insisted that she was. She knew she wanted to be there for Joyce and protect Dawn. She was pleased that Buffy was coming back home, she couldn't protect Dawn as well as her cousin could. Buffy had filled her in on fighting and losing to Glory, Saffron had been too distracted by her own thoughts after Hayley to pay attention to, well, anything. She thought they were normal, run-of-the-mill slaying scars, not big bad that's super strong slaying scars. Saffron started to fold up towels and pack them up along with Buffy's clothes in the corner of the room as the others started to arrive.

"Some of your CDs are my CDs" Dawn complained to Buffy as she started to pack them up.

"Man, I wish she had nicked some of mine. She needs to develop a bit of refinement and taste" Saffron smiled at Dawn and acted as if she was sophisticated. It made Dawn giggle and Saff smiled back, she had always enjoyed making Dawn laugh. Well, she thought she had.

"Yeah because shouting into a microphone definitely screams refinement" Buffy quipped. Saff just rolled her eyes and went back to her folding. Xander and Riley had started to wrestle in the middle of the floor and Saff chose to just ignore them. They started to discuss Glory then, and Saffron tried her best to join in the conversation, although the others insisted she didn't have to if she wasn't ready. Tara said something that everyone stared blankly at, including Saffron. She hadn't heard it, but Tara went red and Saff could feel that she was embarrassed that nobody really got her. Tara rushed to start filling the car, leaving the rest of the Scoobies looking around awkwardly. She had tried to talk to Tara when she walked away from the group, but she wanted to stay close to Buffy and Dawn. She was in deep thought while she started to grab some more boxes to fill.

Willow had returned and reminded everyone that it was Tara's birthday and they had all agreed to meet at the Bronze to celebrate. Saffron hadn't forgotten and she was really pleased with what she had bought her. The others, however, looked visibly panicked and she could feel they were embarrassed. They forgot, Saff decided. She rolled her eyes and told Willow that she was excited, and she had already sorted her outift. Willow's eyes lit up, she obviously hadn't been completely convinced by the others either. Saffron looked at Xander and Buffy pointedly, and threw a bit of guilt at them. She was getting good at controlling the emotions and she had been slowly learning to influence others in ways that weren't just calming. The other two looked at her quickly and she raised her eyebrows, implying they knew why she was sending them the guilt. Buffy crossed her arms and tapped her boot and Saffron felt the guilt double, knowing that Buffy had enough to worry about. She quickly took the guilt away but gave them a look as if to tell them to sort themselves out. Xander walked over and slung his arm around her neck.

"S.P, I'm feeling the guilt with just the look in your eye. Kudos for the empath parade though" Xander whispered.

"Sorry, Xand. Just wanted you guys to know you need to make her feel more included. But the empath parade is out the door and down the block, babe, don't worry"

"It's just- she's a bit-" Xander tripped over his words

"A bit what?" Saffron cut in, wanting him to spit it out. She was wondering if it was a homophobic thing or not.

"I don't really get her, you know?" He explained and Saff nodded. Most people struggle to figure others out. They don't have a handy insight into their true emotions. _Lucky them_. Poor Tara hadn't been part of the original Scooby gang and the only reason she had gotten so close with her was because they had a fair bit in common, what with the Tarot reading and the fact they both had abilities that neither of them completely understood.

"Many people don't get An, but we'd all be there if she had her 2000th birthday party" Saffron pointed out calmly, starting to fold sheets up for Buffy and place them neatly in the boxes.

"Yeah, Anya is like totally annoying. But I like cake and dancing" Dawn shared in a loud whisper, Xander and Saff looked towards her, realising she had been eavesdropping the whole time.

"Sure, sure. So, you got any hints for presents?" Xander directed the question at Saff more than Dawn.

"Well, I've got her-" Saffron was interrupted as Anya walked back in and saw how Xander was stood, still with his arm around Saff. It was something he'd always done and neither of them had thought anything of it. Xander pulled his hand away and stood straight and looked guilty when he noticed what Anya's look meant. Anya was jealous and glared at Saff, which bought her an eye roll from the girl. The jealousy was like pins poking her in the side and it wasn't even for a good reason. Not every friendly interaction between a guy and a girl had an ulterior motive. "An, you know there's nothing between us" Saffron reminded her loudly enough for the rest of the room to quiet and stare at the three of them.

"Well, you _are_ lonely and depressed especially since you killed your demon friend. You drove your military man away and Xander is nice to look at" Anya stated plainly, explaining the way she was looking at the pair. Everyone in the room winced when Anya mentioned Hayley and Graham. Dawn gasped and frowned at Anya, she already wasn't a fan of her because she didn't think she was good enough for Xander. The rest of the room all waited in silence to see how Saffron reacted. This could get ugly. Saffron took a deep breath, smiled and turned to look Anya in the eyes and the rest of the room braced themselves.

"Anya, I have always appreciated your candour. Depression is not a word that needs to be thrown about as if it should be taken lightly and I know I haven't really been myself since I staked Hayley" She looked around into everyone's eyes as she enunciated Hayley's name slowly, as if to prove she was okay with it, "Me and Xand have been close since high school. He's like a big brother. Xander has never been on my radar-" She was interrupted by Xander complaining and she silenced him with a glare. Anya stared for a while, seemingly processing everything she said. She nodded her head a few times after frowning, but still pulled Xander to stand next to her. Dawn came over to comfort her cousin, but she was met with Saff's usual stubborn manner. She didn't want comfort now.

"Don't listen to that fucking bitch" Dawn whispered to offer her some support. Saffron kept folding up sheets as she heard dawn. She was shocked at how she spoke, but she didn't let it show. At first, she didn't say anything, but she thought for a second and decided to tell her something.

"Can you drive a boat?" Saff asked seriously, as if she wanted to know if Dawn had ever sailed.

"Huh?" Dawn scrunched up her face and looked at her taller cousin.

"If you can't steer a ship, you can't swear. Swearing's for sailors. That's the rules" She stated, with a small smile. Dawn crossed her arms but knew Saff was only joking, reminding her not to cuss, "Plus, give Anya a break. You'll understand when you're older, jealousy sometimes only makes sense when you're in the relationship" Saffron explained. She knew Anya was being over the top but she also knew if Spike had his arms hanging around someone else she'd want him to be holding her instead.

Saffron decided to have a cigarette break. She was trying to do it in secret, as far as everyone else was concerned she had quit for good. But ever since she had started to leave the house again, and especially since she had heard about Dawn, she had started to depend on them again. She watched the sky darken as she inhaled slowly. Giles and Xander had taken another load of Buffy's stuff in the car to Revello Drive and the girls and Riley were still packing and cleaning out the room. She was thinking about Tara, the others didn't seem to get on with her as well as she did. It was as if her and Tara had clicked, she already felt like a close friend she had always had. Although she did wonder, what was that feeling they got when they were in contact with each other? Was Tara hiding something?

"Tsk, tsk. That'll give you a small case of death" Spike stated from behind her, she hadn't noticed him and she jumped and started to cough as he took the cigarette from her hand and inhaled deeply. She eventually managed to stop choking on the smoke and smiled, her eyes still watering.

"Shit, you shouldn't sneak up on me like that" She croaked, clutching her chest in an exaggerated shock now she had recovered.

"Vampire. It's what we do" He shrugged and smirked slightly. He had enjoyed making her jump. She rolled her eyes before she answered.

"Well you shouldn't be shocked that I'm smoking then, isn't that a sign I'm on the dark side too?" She said in a mock creepy voice, holding her hands up and wiggling her fingers as if she was a cartoon witch.

"Load of bollocks, no matter what Harm thinks, smoking doesn't mean you're bad" He said casually, inhaling from the cigarette.

"Well, you're the expert" Saff smiled at him and winked as he passed the cigarette back to her, which made his mouth curve into a small smile. He made sure that their fingers touched slightly as he passed the cigarette back and she shivered slightly at the contact. He had missed her being like this, she had been so miserable since the night she dusted that nice girl she used to room with. He had wanted to help Saff, but she had barely left the house and when she had, she hadn't really been there with him. He had kept watch of the house and tried to catch a glimpse of her, but it was as if she was hibernating. He had been so worried, but it made seeing her like this again even sweeter. He never wanted to see her the way he saw her that night when he found her cold and emotionless on the floor of the alley. She had told him since that she was grateful it had been him that had found her. He had been appreciating the affection she had been giving him since she had been leaving the house again. He watched her as she inhaled her cigarette and looked out into the night. Her brunette hair seemed silkier in the moonlight and her grey eyes glistened as if they were the stars that weren't quite visible yet in the sky. Her bright pink nails were long and he watched as she put the cigarette between her two fingers to her lips again.

The campus was still busy despite the dark and she wondered what everyone was thinking, she had always found it amazing that so many things could be going on in each mind that ever walked past. She wished she could hear the thoughts that went with the emotions sometimes, although usually she could guess. He wondered what she was thinking about as she stared wide-eyed around at the still busy campus. He only had eyes for her though, the way that she could see good in even the worst thing and how deeply she thought of everything. He wanted to tell her everything he thought about her, but he would leave that for his poetry. She looked back at him then, smiling widely. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, whispering that she was pleased that he had come to see her. She passed him the end of her cigarette and explained that she had better go back in and help finish up. Spike's face dropped slightly for the first time since he had been in her presence, but she promised to visit his crypt as soon as she could. He nodded and finished the end of the cigarette as he watched her run back into the building to help Buffy.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_Three is a magic number_

_Yes it is, it's a magic number_

The song had been stuck in her head all week; it was on a loop. It all came back to that number and she couldn't shake the importance of it. Saffron was shuffling her Tarot cards and looking at the set-up of her table that Giles had set up for her to take readings. She had never been more pleased. She had found a pretty purple cloth with constellations on it and she had some nice candles on there too. She had also added some netting behind the curtain that Giles had given her for privacy for the individual readings. Giles had warned her not to light the candles she had found because he couldn't risk the shop burning down and she insisted they were just for show. Her little crystal ball was on a new intricate stand that she borrowed from one of the shelves in the store, the new shipment had just come in and she had been taking merchandise from around the room to add to her corner. Giles and Anya were behind the counter and Buffy and Xander had been discussing presents for Tara. Saffron had decided to stay in her corner and let them figure it out between them.

_Somewhere in that ancient mystic trinity_

_You'll get three_

_As a magic number_

A man walked in, he didn't seem like a regular customer and he was looking around the room with a mixture of disgust and amusement. He stared at Saffron for a while, looking at her up and down and lingering on her chest. She had worn a slightly more low-cut top today as she was trying to figure out the best outfit to wear for reading the cards in the store as she wanted to seem more credible to the customers. Today she had chosen a black, long sleeved dress with a low, V-shaped neckline. The dress was short, and she had found some black tights that had tiny moons and stars on them and, of course, her black combat boots. The man stared for too long and it made her uncomfortable, which made her annoyed. She glared at the man and pulled her leather jacket on and zipped it up, making sure to give him a nice look at her middle finger instead. He laughed and shook his head, turning to go down the steps to where the others were. She watched the interaction he was having with them from where she was sat, her cards still in her hand. Tara and Willow walked in holding hands and talking animatedly and Saff smiled at them as they walked towards the group that were stood near the counter. Tara stopped and dropped Willows hand just as Saffron could feel chills of fear pinching and gnawing at her spine. It made her wince and grab onto the table with her spare hand and clutch her deck with the other. She's scared of her brother, Saffron figured out after being introduced to the man that had just been staring at her.

_The past and the present and the future_

_Faith, and hope, and charity_

She watched the way Tara interacted with her brother and picked up on the fact that Tara asked how he had found her. Saffron struggled to her feet to stand nearer to the group so she could get a clearer idea of what was going on. Saffron remembered reading Tara's cards on one of their first meetings, it had spoken of abandonment. The bell to the shop went off again and the rest of Tara's family filed in. When Tara saw them a wave of fresh fear and worry knocked saffron in the stomach. It was making her feel nauseous and Giles, who had moved to stand beside her, grabbed her arm to steady her. He looked concerned, both for Saff and Tara as he watched the interaction. They eventually left and Saffron managed to relax as Giles led her to a chair. Donny, Tara's brother, shouted that it was nice to see them all and Saff could tell he was being rude, but bit her tongue to stop herself from shouting something back. He was Tara's brother after all and she didn't want to piss Tara off.

Saff tried to catch Tara's eye whilst they were all doing research in the magic box. Tara was avoiding her look which made Saffron worry more. The room was quiet, apart from Anya singing a song she had made up about how much she enjoyed making money. Tara got up to grab some more volumes from the back of the shop and Saff followed her quickly

"Hey, T. So, your brother?"

"Yeah, he's- you know"

"You, uh, seemed scared of him" Saffron said quietly, not mentioning she felt the fear herself, "Is, uh, is there something you wanna talk about? I trust you, T"

"No, he's just got one of those personalities. Don't worry about it, they're doing something nice for my birthday"

"T, we both know that you're not happy to see them" Saffron replied bluntly, realising her hinting wasn't working.

"Just leave it, Saff" Tara snapped, not looking back up at saffron. She started to stack the books she had selected as Willow walked over, wondering what they were whispering about. Saffron was lost for words at the way Tara had reacted, and that didn't happen often.

"Hey Saffy, can I borrow my girlfriend back a minute? You're going after everyone's partners this week" Willow joked goofily.

"You know me, Will. Just call me Aphrodite" Saffron attempted to joke back and Will smiled as Tara looked at the red head and ignored Saffron. It wasn't her best stab at humour, but she knew Will would tell something was up if she didn't try.

"Oh! The-the goddess of love! That was a good reference, Saff! Go you!" Willow enthusiastically replied as she linked arms with Tara and they both went and sat back in their seats. Saffron stuck both her thumbs up, slightly offended that Willow didn't think she was capable of making reference to a very well-known goddess but wasn't in the mood for replying verbally. What Tara had said had really got to her.

_The heart and the brain and the body_

_Give you three,_

_As a magic number_

_ **xoxoxo** _

The crypt was cold and slightly damp, although today it smelled strongly of lavender. Saffron had brought some incense burners to try and cover the musty smell that wouldn't seem to go no matter how much she had tried. The burners seemed to do the trick though and she found herself humming a tune, something she hadn't remembered doing in a while. Spike looked over from his spot where he was laying on the couch leisurely, as if someone was painting his portrait. He watched the back of her head as she continued to hum the little song, he wasn't sure if he knew it but it made him feel happy to hear her hum it. His hair was left in its natural state, with a slight curl to it and it was as bleach blonde as ever. His tight-fitting black shirt hung perfectly on his athletic torso and he had taken off his shirt when he could see that Saffron was cold. She hadn't put it on yet though, telling him she'd sort the drinks out before she got comfortable. Spike had cursed himself, _shouldn't be asking her to put more sodding clothing on_, he reprimanded himself as he wanted her with little on when they were together. She was wearing acid wash jeans that had been patched up from wear and a black, low side tank top that had Nirvana emblazoned on it. Spike had scoffed when he had seen it, but she simply rolled her eyes and walked past him. She liked lots of music and she often told Spike not to be so stuck in the past with his music tastes, although she completely understood his love of punk.

Saffron was bending down to root in the mini fridge that Spike had installed for his blood and alcohol. She was grabbing blood for Spike and a drink for herself. At the start, Saffron had struggled to give him the blood he needed because she knew it had once been an animal. But when she thought about it, he physically needed it to survive and so she became more used to it. Plus, she wanted to make sure she got the right drink. Whilst she was humming, she was thinking about what had happened earlier. Saffron was worried about Tara, she had so obviously been deceptive and plain rude, which wasn't like Tara. She needed to talk to her again, she could tell that her family coming back didn't have good intentions and she knew she needed to do something to help her friend. She was still thinking when Spike came up behind her from where she was trying to get the lid off the top of her drink. Spike snaked his arms around her waist and kissed her neck slowly from behind. She chuckled softly and turned, her bottle still in hand, to face him. He softly weaved his hands between the strands of her hair, he loved that she kept it down more often when they were alone. He guided her head with his hand firmly to move closer to him and she quickly responded by leaning up to land a kiss on his lips. Spike continued to kiss her as she held the bottles in her hands. She sighed contently as he continued to kiss her slowly, as if he was trying to cherish every inch of her skin. Saffron was getting into the kiss and tried to pull his lips towards hers, but he continued to kiss her slowly on her jaw and neck. Her breathing started to quicken, and Spike smirked into the kiss he landed on her lips after he felt how much she wanted him. Spike was about to lead her to the couch, but the pair were interrupted by a sharp thud and the door to the crypt being flung open, almost breaking off its hinges.

"Will we ever get a fucking shag without an unwelcome visitor?" Spike groaned as he stared at whoever was at the door.

"Spikey! And Saffy too! Thanks, so much you guys, I've actually been missing you both since I decided to go on the lam in a different crypt" Harmony's sweet talking was met by an icy glare from Saffron. Spike put his arm around Saffron's waist. He wanted to show her he had her back if she wanted anything doing to Harmony.

"Is there a reason you've disgraced us with your presence?" Saffron said through gritted teeth, she could barely look at Harmony's face without wanting to rip it off. She was the one that killed Hayley.

"Mood_y_" Harmony dragged out the y with sass at Saffron's words.

"Bloody twat" Saffron bit back. Spike's eyes widened as he could feel a warm heat of anger rising from her. He'd never felt anything like it and wondered if this was how Saffron felt things from other people all the time. He tried to keep his hand on her waist but it was as if he was holding a white hot iron so he had to let go. Spike kept close to her side though, he could just about manage that.

"Hey! I'm not whatever English fake-word that is"

"English is the fucking language you're speaking, you got it from where I'm from you dumb fucking-"

"What bit your ass today? Was it spike? I used to love it when-"

"What are you doing here, Harm?" Spike interrupted quickly, trying to get Harmony to shut up as Saffron started to scowl even more. Harmony could feel the anger now too, it had spread throughout the room. The once cold crypt was as warm as the inside of a furnace as Saffron's anger wouldn't dissipate. Saffron's feelings were so strong that it was frightening Harmony. As Saffron took a step forward, harmony quickly took a step back.

"S-so, this vamp I know. Well, more of a friend of a friend. Anyway, this Lei-Ach demon was totally recruiting his brethren to kill the Slayer! There's this new nether-wig, G-Gory or something? Probably some gross guy with-" Harmony was cut off again, she was backing away from Saffron slowly, she knew the mood that Saffron had had in high school and she also knew that she had some new powers at her disposal that Spike hadn't fully explained what she could do. Harmony was expecting laser beams or Vampire killing mind powers and she didn't want to risk dying, again.

"Is that it, Harmony?" Saffron asked as she backed Harmony through the doorway she had just arrived in the crypt through.

"Well, yeah" Harmony replied, looking up to see if she could recall anything else.

"Then fuck off" Saffron slammed the door of the crypt in her face. Spike smirked and stalked over to his love quickly. He was stood behind her again and he ran his hands up her arms slowly, her aggressive attitude had made him want her more than ever. He moved his hands under her top and felt the soft skin she had been hiding from him in her clothes. His hands were making his way up her body, feeling the cup of her bra as she relaxed at his touch and leaned into him. All the while he was leaving rough kisses on her neck, sloppy with passion. He always lingered on her pulse point and took extra care of it, caressing and kissing her, dragging his blunt teeth along her neck with desire. She was lost in the feeling of his touch, he held her firmly with one hand as he continued to touch her. He started to pull the hem of the t-shirt over her head so he could take it off, but this was the exact moment when she fully comprehended what Harmony had been telling her. She had been too quick to get rid of her in her anger, she hadn't been listening properly. Something was coming to kill Buffy. Her eyes snapped open, they had been closed in pleasure and she pulled herself from spike's strong hold. He looked at her with a frustrated frown. She explained herself quickly and told him to come and help, promising she was all his as soon as they went to warn her cousin. On that guarantee alone he risked getting another beating from the slayer for being around Saff and ran after her through the graveyard to find Buffy.

They arrived at the Magic Box while everyone was sat around doing their research. Saff ran in dramatically which made everyone look up. She was closely followed by Spike and Buffy rolled her eyes and frowned when she saw him. Saffron was panting and had her hands on her knees, trying to get her breath back. The scoobies continued to watch as Saffron caught her breath. She stood back up straight, sending a grin around the room before turning back to being serious. She explained what Harmony had said to Buffy and this sent Buffy straight to the training room to get ready to fight these demons. None of them realised that Tara had just done a spell on them so that nobody would be able to see the demons when they came. Saff looked up, looking to see Spike but he wasn't there. She looked around the room and pouted slightly, but knew that he probably needed to get some blood or something. She started to research with the rest of them. Spike hadn't left the room, but because he was a demon he now couldn't be seen by the rest of the gang. He didn't realise this though as he sat in mostly silence next to Saff while she read through the books. She kept looking at the door and he had been wondering who she was waiting for. All of a sudden, they were all being attacked. Spike didn't understand why the others couldn't see anything and quickly pulled one of the demons away from Saffron who was wildly throwing her arms about hoping to hit something.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Tara rushed in and reversed her spell and Saffron watched wide-eyed as she did it. They managed to defeat the last of the demons sent to attack Buffy after they could see them again. Why had she hidden. Tara had been knocked over, saff rushed over to help her up, but quickly stopped herself as Willow went to her side instead. She decided to explain to the rest of the group what the demons were.

"It was a Leaky demon or something!" Saffron pointed at the one Buffy had just snapped the neck of in front of Tara's family. Spike had a slight smile on his face at her words and moved next to her to tell her the real name.

"Lei-Ach, pet" Spike whispered from his place stood next to her. She turned and smiled at him for reminding her.

"I meant, Lei-Ach!" She shouted with glee as Tara's family stared at her coldly. That reminded her of Tara, who was still on the floor, "T, what in the high priestesses name is fucking going on?"

"Yeah, I think we all wanna know that" Buffy looked at Tara, waiting for an explanation.

"I just didn't want you all to know that I'm-"

"Demon" Her father spat. Saffron swivelled around and took a step forward towards the three, she wanted to hear this. "The women in our family are demons. She needs to leave with us before worse starts happening" He continued to explain. Giles figured out that Tara cast the spell to stop them all seeing who she really was. Tara got up to leave, feeling horrible about what she did. Saffron started to put her arm out to stop her but Willow got there first to defend her. Tara revealed she didn't want to go with them but the dad started to get pushy which annoyed Saff.

"You're a jumped up piece of shit" saffron's movement towards them was interrupted by her cousin. She put a warning arm on her shoulder and instead she spoke to the family, she said that if they wanted to take Tara they would have to go through her. Saffron agreed and said she would help too, as did Dawn. Saffron cracked her knuckles to appear menacing and Spike smiled from where he was stood in the background. The rest of them spoke up then, except Spike. He just watched.

"Dad, they can't just do this!" Donny gestured at Tara and threatened to hurt her. Saffron didn't wait, she charged at the man then, raised her fist and struck him hard on the jaw. The man was reeling from the punch and hadn't expected it. Xander went and pulled Saff away before he could collect himself and hit her back. Saffron was rubbing her hand. _Man, that hurt._

"Yeah, and there's more where that came from buddy!" Xander called and pointed at Tara's brother who was still reeling from the blow. Spike couldn't take his eyes off his girl, he wanted to make sure her hand was okay, but Xander was stood between them now. Anya then asked what kind of demon Tara was and the family didn't seem to have a proper answer. Spike's eyes lit up then, he had figured it out. He sauntered over to Tara, tapped her on the shoulder and punched her square on the nose. Both Tara and Spike cried out in pain. As Saffron rushed over to pull Spike off Tara, she realised what he was doing and so did Willow. He had been hurt, which only worked on humans.

"You're a liar!" Saffron dramatically pointed at Tara's father.

"There's no demon in there. Just a family legend" Spike stated, agreeing with Saff. Saffron rubbed his back, silently thanking him in a way nobody else could see. They both shared a small smile before focusing back on what was going on with Tara's family. Eventually, they left and the others all made sure that Tara was okay before she went too, hand-in-hand with Willow. The others all started to leave then, Saffron and Spike left through the back of the shop.

They had only walked a few steps through the dingy back alley of the shop before Saff reached for Spike's hand. Spike looked back at her, he had been walking slightly ahead in case a demon jumped out at them. His eyes widened at the look she was giving him. That look was back. The one Spike never quite felt he deserved. She was proud of him. His eyes snapped away from hers and he looked at the ground, as if he didn't feel he deserve the way she was looking. Saffron could feel that he was conflicted about helping the group, but most of all he was relishing in the way she looked at him. He was almost embarrassed at how much it meant to him.

Saffron moved to embrace spike, wrapping her arms around him warmly. He held her close to him, his eyes were closed, and he was inhaling her scent as she squeezed him closer to her. Her hands moved slowly up his back, the feeling of leather was familiar, and it made her smile into his chest. They didn't need to say anything, they both knew that this was special. That their relationship was special. They felt closer to each other than ever and neither of them wanted to let go. Their tender moment seemed in direct contrast to their surroundings, the alley was not the nicest place for them to have stopped to silently confirm their feelings for each other, but neither of them cared. They eventually broke apart and gazed at each other, Saffron was still proud of the choice he had made despite him not wanting to come along to the magic box in the first place. She enjoyed how his blue eyes caught the moonlight, Saffron didn't want the moment to end. But they needed to get moving if they were going to beat Buffy to Revello Drive undetected.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was stood with Buffy, Xander and Anya in the middle of the packed Bronze. Lots of people showed up to Tara's party and saffron was really pleased for her. Saffron was wearing a deep purple dress that showed a lot of skin, her black fishnet tights were visible far up her thigh and she even brought out her combat boots for the occasion. She was laughing at a joke that Xander had told as she drank some of her rum coke. Dawn was rushing up to everyone then darting away and Saffron laughed and appealed to Buffy to stop her from telling her to quit it, she managed to convince her to let the girl have some fun. Buffy reluctantly agreed and smiled at her cousin. She was enjoying the party and Saffron had a feeling that things weren't all going to be as happy as this in the future. Instead of dwelling on that hunch, Buffy and Saffron went to the dance floor and danced together, it had been a really long time since they had done this. Not since their high school days in the Bronze. They danced in time to the music, both had matching grins on their faces. Both of the girls were enjoying themselves and couldn't feel a pair of eyes watching them from across the room. They eventually left the dance floor when the song changed and Saffron ended up going to see Tara who was stood with one of her witch friends near the stairs.

"Hey T, Jen, you guys enjoying the party?" she asked the pair. They both nodded and Jen seemed to walk away quickly, flicking her head to move her mousy hair from out of her eyes as she scurried away to talk to someone else. "Always been so shy that one" Saffron muttered, shaking her head.

"Thanks for coming, Saffy. I'm sorry for everything that happened when they came"

"Hey, we don't even need to think about them again. Just glad I got a chance to show your brother my true feelings"

"I meant for snapping like I did. That really isn't me"

"I know, T. I mean really. Believe me, I can read your intentions"

"I just- when we first met it convinced me I was definitely a demon. Because of that-"

"Hey, it's your birthday. We don't need to think of that today, but we can speak to G about it and research the coldness that made us both wig. There'll be a simple explanation and hey, neither of us have anything to hide anymore" Saffron added, alluding to their first proper meeting. Neither of them had mentioned it before, and Saff now knew why Tara hadn't wanted to mention it. She thought Saffron could tell she was a demon. Willow joined the conversation then, and both girls smiled at the red head who had been drinking beers since the party had started.

"My favourite girl-friends. You know, friends that are girls… well, Saffy is a best friend that's a girl. Tara is the actual girlfriend" willow babbled, clearly drunk.

"Don't repeat that in front of Buffy. She'd challenge me to a fight for the best friend spot, and we all know how that would end up" Saffron laughed, imagining Buffy beating her to the floor so she could claim her best friend status back with Willow. Willow giggled into her beer bottle and Saff slowly removed it from her hands and Willow pouted. Tara whispered something in her ear that made her soften though.

The party carried on throughout the night and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Dawn had been asking every ten minutes since the party started when Tara would be opening presents and the rest of them finally caved. Saffron announced that it was time for presents and the Scoobies were gathered around the table, all watching Tara peeling the paper off her gifts. Dawn made Tara open hers first, it was a tiny book of spells that Dawn had bought with her own pocket money. Tara smiled and hugged the girl and moved on to open Saffron's present. Saff smiled fondly at her younger cousin, she liked seeing her so happy. It reminded her of Dawn's birthdays as a kid, she had always been impatient about opening presents. Not that they had actually happened, saffron reminded herself.

"A rock? This was the great present you were bragging about getting for Tara?" Xander asked, confused.

"Oh my gosh, is it- is it the real one?" Tara asked, the excitement clear in her voice as the others frowned at the grey stone.

"The one and only, T" saffron beamed, giving an I-told-you-so look to the others.

"Saff!" Tara squealed with excitement. The others just watched the two with a bemused look, obviously they were missing something. Giles came over and his mouth opened in shock at what Saffron had gifted Tara.

"That's impossible! How did you…" he tailed off, instead he gestured silently to ask Tara's permission to study it and picked it up and looked closely. She nodded, still smiling at her friend.

"I have my ways…" She smiled knowingly and tapped her nose, but decided to elaborate once Giles looked at her suspiciously over his glasses, "…and the ways seem to be very similar to flirting with the three eyed demon in the store I found it in to get the price right down. Guess that's one method of acquiring ancient magical artifacts you haven't quite mastered, G" She shrugged, pleased with herself. She could feel half of the room were impressed and the other half, mainly Buffy, was slightly embarrassed about the way Saff had acquired the gift.

"Is anyone gonna put us out of our misery here?" Xander asked, still staring at what he was convinced was a pebble.

"It's the stone of Gataar" Giles stated, still examining it in wonder.

"You know? Big famous stone with healing properties?" Saffron asked the room full of blank faces.

"Even I know that one and I'm in high school. Crack a book, geez" Dawn commented, knowing full well she only knew what it was because Saff had told her when she saw her wrapping it in her room the other day. Saff smiled and ruffled Dawn's hair, not revealing to the rest of them that Dawn had only just found out too.

"Me and T were talking about it one day and seeing as Tara specialises in healing spells, I thought she might like it" Saff shrugged. She could feel the rest of the room looking a bit unsure, and most of the scoobies were a bit sheepish as they didn't even realise that Tara had a specialism.

Saffron was walking over to the corner, putting a stack of disposable cups in the bin. She could feel a presence behind her, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. She whipped her head around and saw a familiar sight in the dark corner she was stood next to.

"Honeysuckle" Spike purred from the corner, slowly taking in her whole body before returning his eyes to hers, now darkened with lust.

"Spike! What are you doing here?" She whispered, trying to hide how pleased she was that he was there. She had just been thinking about him and how she wished that she could bring him to things like this. She walked towards him, hidden from the others in the shadows. She smiled up at him, his smirk widened as he thought about what he came here to say.

"Thought I might come to collect on that promise you made" He whispered in her ear after slowly moving the loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"Promise?" She questioned, genuinely not understanding what he meant. He smiled and moved his hands up her back, pulling her closer so that her body was flush with his. He moved her hair, which had been left down for the party, to reveal her neck. He could hear her heartbeat quicken, a sound he always enjoyed when it was from excitement. He turned her so she was against the wall and his body, she flushed pink as she could see the room behind him.

"Mm, the old you can have me if we just go and warn Buffy" he purred, raising his eyebrows knowingly. She remembered then, she had said he could have her as soon as they warned Buffy about that demon. His strong hand started to wonder lower, gradually making their way up her thigh. He kissed her neck purposely at first, he loved hearing the way the breath caught in her throat.

"Spike! Not here…" she started to pull away slightly, but she enjoying the way he felt to put any real meaning behind her words.

"Can't expect me to see you like this and not want to…" His eyes raked her body again, and she smiled and ran her hands up his chest. She leaned in and kissed him properly this time, with a passion that matched his. She forgot where she was for a split second, but realised this was dangerous. She pulled away, still boxed in by him and the corner.

"Spike, what if someone sees?" She asked, looking over from the dark corner they were in. He just smirked and chuckled slightly, they both knew that it was part of the heightened desire they were feeling towards each other.

"Helped Red's girl didn't I?" He asked rhetorically, before planting a kiss on her lips, "Helped you and even helped the slayer, my mortal enemy. Way I see it, you owe me" He landed a kiss after each statement and smirked into the final kiss, knowing her response to his words would be outrage.

"I _owe_ you? I don't think that's how it-" she gave in then, her longing for his touch was too strong to worry about if anyone was looking anymore. His hand snaked around her neck, and the other gradually found itself, once again, sliding lower and lower down her body.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

Tara and Saffron were sat opposite each other in Tara's dorm that she was sharing with Willow. Willow had gone out to the Bronze that evening and Tara had invited Saff over, she had felt happier since her family had left, Saff could feel it. Tara was still practicing her tarot reading, she wanted to be as good as Saffron was, so Saff asked her to do a reading for her. Saffron watched as Tara shuffled the cards and asked the usual questions. Saffron placed her hand on top of the deck and split the pack, taking the top card and laying it face up in front of them both.

"The reversed ten of cups" Tara said quietly, she knew Saffron wanted to help but she couldn't help feeling nervous doing a reading for her.

"Go on then, tell me what it means" Saff said, leaning back in her chair. Saff could hear the voice in her head telling her, but the whole point was for Tara to have a go at tapping into her intuition so she kept quiet.

"It's family…" Tara started and Saffron nodded encouragingly, "It can mean a dysfunctional family or a l-lack of stability…" Tara tailed off as Saffron snorted. She realised Tara must have thought she was laughing at her, which she quickly put right.

"Sorry, T. It was just, well, my family origin story is probably the most lacking in stability. The cards are being boring today" She joked, before quickly deflecting the attention from herself, "So, family, huh? Speaking of, I'm glad you're twat of a brother has gone, I couldn't stand him"

"Me too" Tara gave her a small smile before realising what Saff had done, she decided to ask, "What was your family like, Saffy? Do you have any horror stories?"

"Family has always been a complicated one. I love my family here and I don't, uh, usually like talking about England. I feel like I have so many secrets my head will burst" She tried for humour, but it came out sounding sad and Saffron could feel that Tara thought so too. She could feel her pity as she collected her thoughts and she hated it. She hated being seen like that.

"In what way?" Tara finally asked. Saffron decided, seeing as Tara was one of her closest friends, maybe this was the chance she needed to talk to someone about everything.

"If I tell you, will you keep it a secret, T?" Tara nodded and promised. She took it one step further as she offered to do a binding promise spell that would ensure she wouldn't physically be able to tell anyone Saffron's secrets. They both braced themselves for the shocking cold sensation they were about to feel as they touched the tips of their fingers on each hand to the others. They still weren't sure what the feeling meant but they had decided to look up some books at the magic box together. Tara whispered the spell, promising to never break the sacred bond of trust. Purple and blue sparks shimmered around them, snaking around both of the girls arms as the spell took effect. Saffron could feel the bond and smiled at Tara, she decided to tell her everything.

_Okay so, welcome to my life story. I'll split the family into separate parts, so it's logical. I should probably start by admitting a few things. Number one: I'm in a relationship with Spike. We've been together since the start of last summer and-_

_Tara, this is my monologue. I wouldn't interrupt yours. Thanks, yeah I am happy. Okay, where was I? Oh, number two: Dawn is the key. And Buffy's the slayer, but you know that-_

_Ok, I've never seen you so chatty, T. There'll be a chance for questions at the end, I need to keep talking or I'll get lost. And if I get lost everyone will be bored by my very important life story. Oh, and lucky Number three: My parents died in a car accident that I caused._

_ **xoxoxo** _

_Joyce was one of the first that I told about Spike. She knew that we were in a relationship and she asked to have him over for dinner. I asked her if she was okay with it and she said she worried about mine and Buffy's taste in men, but she said she mostly wanted me to be happy._

_You know auntie J, kindest heart in the world. She made a full course meal and shipped Dawny and Buff away for the evening. Buffy still doesn't, and can't, know. Remember you've promised, T. Joyce even set tea, uh, dinner to you, for 8pm after the sun had set._

_Spike came with a bunch of flowers in his hand. He smiled at me, that way he does-_

_What? Oh, sorry. I wasn't bloody drooling! It's a sort of slight grin that he does, like he owns the fucking place. He looks at me sometimes like I'm the only person in the world and that he'd prefer it if it was just me and him. Yeah, so he had a bunch of flowers, they were pink and purple ones that he said were for Joyce. I had asked him if he'd got them from a grave and he looked at me as if I was being an idiot, but with him you never know. He can have the best intentions but get it completely wrong sometimes. Like, the other day, this Kordolak demon looked at me funny and he thought killing it and draining it's blood was the right way to win my affection. I'm a fucking vegetarian and the demon looked like a massive armadillo. He assured me that he had nicked the flowers from a garden on his way past, which I let slide because J had already seen the them and it had put him in her good books._

_Anyway, Spike comes in and addresses J as Mrs Summers, those old school manners were not lost on her and she, predictably, told him to call her Joyce. Which, I need to add, he had already been calling her years ago when they had first met. So, we go to the table and J has set everything up. Conversation was polite at first but he had to start talking about his 'glory days' didn't he? Joyce had said that he was a lot better than some of the guys I had brought home before, which I actually found rude. I mean, Buffy has brought all sorts back to the house before and I mean mine just had a lot more piercings and bad dye jobs._

_Joyce mentioned one guy in particular that she hadn't taken to from my second year at Sunnydale. Spike seems to be thinking while he listened to her speak. After a long pause he casually says that he thinks he killed him. I must have gone bright fucking red at that. He said, "Longish, black hair? Pale skin? Experimenting with eyeliner?" I nodded, completely shocked, "Yeah, ate him. Me and Dru" and do you know what auntie J said? She just shrugged and said, "That's why he stopped calling you, honey" which, now I think about it, totally makes sense._

_I was fucking lost for words, T. He not only casually mentions his own ex at the dinner table, but he brazenly admits to eating one of mine! At the table! I told him, play down the murderous blood lust, but did he listen?_

_I reminded everyone, especially Spike, that the chip was in and he was harmless. He started to complain that he was still bad but I shot him a glare. He shut up after that. I left the table at some point and I heard that they were talking in serious voices, but I couldn't quite make out exactly what they were saying. I'll ask Spike when I see him next._

_Spike came to find me and gave me one of those smirks, telling me he's a crowd pleaser. That man is so self-assured, I think he uses special bleach that sends extra confidence into his brain. Is there a confidence receptor in there?_

_Anyway, he catches me in the hall and wants to sneak a kiss or two, but I tell him that Auntie J will know exactly what he's doing. Which, she told me later, she had a suspicion. I told him that dessert was ready and he looked at me to suggest that I was his dessert and then he-_

_Sorry, T. I won't go into detail about what happened, I know you'd be all ears if he was a she. So, Auntie J made my favourite, apple crumble, for dessert. And she offered to warm Spike's blood up in the microwave which he thanked her for. He's actually quite well-mannered when he cares. Which, I'll admit, he doesn't often. When she brought the mug of blood to him he poured it over his crumble as if it was custard. I almost threw up, T and he looked at me proudly like he had just invented sliced bread or something._

_After he left, I asked her how come she got on so well with Spike and not Angel, that's Buffy's ex. He was a vampire too, but he had a soul-_

_Oh, you knew that. Has Willow written you a handbook or something? The big fat Scooby guide to slaying and gossip?_

_Anyway, Joyce explained, "Well, Angel never brought beautiful flowers to the door and promised on his own grave to look after one of my daughters" which almost made me cry. Auntie Joyce never said stuff like that when I first came because my parents were my parents. But as J brought me up since, it's like she's my second mum and that works for me. Also, her being fond of Spike has made me feel better about admitting everything to everyone else. You seem okay with it... you are... right?_

_Spike told me afterwards that he knew that Joyce liked him more, he said, "I'm undeniably irresistible, Honeysuckle" I told him to stop using big words because it didn't suit him. He still calls me Honeysuckle, even though he'd originally used it to remind me of the bite, I think it's nice he calls me something no one else will. But, don't ever tell him that. You've done the bond-y spell now, so you have to. No take backs, T!_

_ **xoxoxo** _

_I look at Dawn sometimes and I can't believe she hasn't been with me my whole life. Now, even more so. All of those memories from when she was a kid and she couldn't sleep. Buffy used to say that she had to learn not to be scared of the dark but I smuggled her a night light for her room. When she had gotten a bad report card, I had swapped her with one of my old ones because Auntie J was still nervous to be angry with me the year I arrived. I bought her a book on tarot cards to read through, so she could learn what I was doing when I used them so often. When I lost my pack, Dawn drew me a whole deck. She used crayon and cut them out of old cardboard cereal packets that Joyce had wanted to recycle._

_I look at Dawn now and I see the same girl, the same memories. I can't escape them and I can't even begin to believe they're not real. She was the one that told me that Spike had a crush on me last year, she noticed he was hanging around a lot. How else would I have known he liked me and eventually confessed my feelings back if Dawn wasn't here? I mean, she doesn't know that she helped with that, but I can't imagine a time without her._

_She had thanksgiving dinner with us all and she wanted to try being vegetarian because of me. She spent that whole thanksgiving just fucking staring at the turkey that G had carved up. I told her to bloody have some, but she wouldn't listen, she was convinced I was testing her. I just wanted her to have a nice time! She finally broke her vegetarianism on new years eve. She looked so guilty when she started to tell me I couldn't help laughing._

_Did I ever tell you I barely spoke to anyone when I first arrived? I was so mad with the world after what had happened with my parents. I hated everything about myself and I hated them for dying. I bonded first with Buff when she used to take me shopping and we had accidentally stayed out after dark and a vampire had attacked us. I was even more hopeless than I am now, if that was even possible to imagine-_

_You're very kind, but I really am fucking hopeless at fighting. Give me slayer strength any day and it'd be easy as anything, just whack them one and bam, they're down. Buffy has it easy. Well, you know what I mean. Easy with the fighting. Anyway, Buffy slayed the vamp, fangs and all, and I ended up being the first one she trusted to tell she was a Slayer. So, for the first time since everything that had happened, I opened up to Buffy about everything that had happened and how I killed my parents. Me and Buff have been close ever since that day and the thought of losing her over Spike scares me. She was the one that kept me going when I felt like I couldn't carry on and she was the one that showed me I was a part of the family here in Sunnydale._

_I learned that I had a place in this world. Buffy taught me to grow up, to be strong and to look cute doing it. She's the best older cousin ever._

_Oh and T? I swear if you ever tell her I admitted that her being older matters I'll curse you myself. I've got major mojo going on now, you know._

_ **xoxoxo** _

_My parents were Ted and Ali Page. They were kind parents; I was their only child and I never knew if that was out of choice or not. There's so much I'll never know. I've decided that Mum must have had the abilities that I inherited, though._

_It was 3:15 in the afternoon and we had all crammed into my dad's battered silver car. It was on it's last legs but he wouldn't swap it for anything. There was a song playing, I'm not sure if you know it, it's called The Passenger by-_

_Oh, you do? I'm impressed, T. It's by Iggy Pop, yeah. Well I can't listen to that song anymore. It's the fucking song of death._

_We were driving on the motorway, we used to camp in Wales, it was always a long drive but dad would bring a shit load of cassette tapes and mum had a beautiful singing voice and she'd sing for us in the car. Sometimes she'd read my palm for me and teach me about the different lines and their meanings. As I grew up, I decided I was way too cool to go camping._

_I was about Dawn's age, you know? Where you feel like the sky will fall on your head when something goes wrong or you miss something important in school? Well, this particular year I had finally been invited to a party by this guy I fancied. But it was during the first week of our holiday. He had seen me sneaking a fag behind the bike shed and invited me to come to this party. My parents were having none of it though, they said there'd be time to party after our holiday. I lost it, I had been in the worst mood since we had got in the car and I hadn't spoken to either of them since the night before. I'd told them I hated them for making me miss the party and that I had never enjoyed the holidays we'd had anyway. My mum knew I was lying and she told my dad this, but it made me angrier that she wasn't listening to me._

_Mum tried to read my hand like she used to, but I snatched it away. I screamed at them, calling them horrible names and telling them they were selfish. My 14-year-old brain decided that them wanting to spend time with me was selfish. I tried to open the door, while the car was speeding down the motorway still, to jump out. I don't know why I thought that would bloody end well. The back was locked and I started to kick the door as hard as I could. My mum tried to calm me down by leaning back from her seat in the passenger seat and touching my shoulder, but I stared her down and her hand jolted. I think she felt my anger. The kicking and shouting had distracted Dad and he swerved into the barrier between the two sides of the road, we were going fast and our car collided with other cars. There was a lorry driving next to us and I can still hear the brakes squeak now as it tried to stop going into us. It turned and tipped oil over the roads and eventually… fire. It happened so-_

_Sorry, T. It-its hard…_

_It happened so fast. Our car ended up rolling over and it started the fire. My parents were trapped in there and so was I. The smoke was so thick-_

_I was blindly trying to find the door handle but I think I must have blacked out. This firefighter came and got me out, I think. Never saw him, I was just told what happened next. My parents couldn't be reached in time, they were trapped in a fiery ball of flames. They were taken to the hospital after me, but they had sev-severe burns._

_Since I found out about being an Empath, I've never been surer that I caused it. I probably filled them with anger and hate and they died feeling that way._

_I could still hear the song playing and it didn't stop playing until I left England on that plane almost a year later. Ironically, I got back to the town I lived in at the time a day before that stupid fucking party. I didn't go in the end._

_I have a gran who lives in England, I think she's still there today. She set the funerals up, I wasn't to get involved. She hated me, Gran. I know she blamed me for the crash as much as I blamed myself. I heard her talking on the phone about me being a child of the devil. She was deeply religious, and she hadn't liked that mum had taught me the cards. She was my mum's mother and mum had always said my Grandad was the only reason she stayed in that house past 16. He died before I was born. One day Gran had tried to throw my Tarot deck into the fire, but I caught them in time and that was it. I tried to run._

_I only returned the night before the funeral. All of my stuff was in the garage and I slept there before I arrived at the church my parents had never belonged to. St. Augustine's. There were white orchids on every surface and acoustic versions of hymns were playing. My parents would have hated it. Gran pretended that we were best friends at that funeral, doting over me and sending me to the bar at the function with cash in my hand. Gran whispered to me that arrangements had been made to send me away. I was thinking nuns and rosaries._

_But what I got was Buff, Dawn and Auntie J. It was as if they were sent from the Gods. I'll never stop being grateful to Auntie J for agreeing to have me. I could only recall meeting them once on a trip to where dad had grown up. We'd never had much money but one year we did visit America. At the time, I was glad to come home back to England._

_ **xoxoxo** _

_These days, I feel at home when we have a Scooby meeting. I see you and Willow sharing glances and holding hands under the table. It makes me smile how much you love each other. I trust you both so much. You're the most caring and kind person, T. I'm so glad you're here to stay. I mean it, babe. You're family and I know we all feel it now._

_I've always liked Xander and Anya. Xander likes to think he protects me, but it was mostly the other way around in high school. He's like an older brother, and I know he isn't going to like hearing about Spike. He's the one I'm most worried about. Anya messed us all up at first being a vengeance demon, but I really like her now. She doesn't really get the need to sugar coat shit and I admire that about her._

_When I first met Giles, I felt like he didn't like me. I think it was the accent. It put me off. But as things went on, I know he has a good heart and he cares. If I'm honest, he's like a second Dad. You're all family and I couldn't imagine my life without any of you now. It would fucking break my heart to lose anyone._

Tara had tears in her eyes throughout the explanation Saffron had about her parents and her extended family, here in Sunnydale. They had hugged after Saffron had finished and she thanked Tara for being someone she could talk to. She had stayed for a while longer as they chatted about other things over freshly brewed peppermint tea. Willow eventually arrived back at their shared room and Saffron made up her excuse to leave. She made sure to hug both girls tightly before she left and when back to Revello to recover from revealing so much, but she was glad that she had.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24:

Saffron had reluctantly agreed to go with the rest of the group to keep Riley company on patrol. Dawn had taken charge of the household chores so this was Saff's turn to take up the slack since Buffy had been staked by a vampire. The only problem she had with it was that Riley would be there. She wasn't his biggest fan. The night was cold and she was wearing a long, dark coat and a dark green scarf. She wanted to be in the Bronze, not out here following Captain thinks-he's-right around. Saffron was crunching loudly and laughing at the joke that Willow had just whispered to her. Her laugh was loud and contagious as Willow and Anya fell into more fits of laughter. Xander grabbed the massive bag of chips off her and emptied the remnants of the pack into his mouth.

Riley looked back from where he had been stealthily tracking the vampires. His frown was as clear as day and Saffron could tell that the others didn't need her empath senses to feel that he was annoyed with them. Saffron grabbed the other bag of chips from Willow and crunched extra loud, staring at Riley the whole time. She wanted to make sure he knew she didn't respect him, especially after he snitched on her to Buffy. He tensed his jaw and stalked over and grabbed the bag from her hand and dumped it on the floor. She glared at him, she took a step towards him. If she really did have laser beams in her eyes, as Harmony once thought, she would have burnt him to a crisp.

"I was eating those crisps, you _stupid_ lap dog" she hissed at him. Riley took a step forwards, a glint of anger in his eye at the assumption she saw him as Buffy's pet. The others watched on, not sure what was going on or why there was this animosity between them. Riley looked like he wanted to hit her, so Xander spoke up quickly.

"Woah can we cool the tension?" Xander asked, stepping in front of Saffron to cut between the two of them who wouldn't back down.

"Yeah I was about to get my tension-cutting knife out" Willow added with a little sawing motion, and Saffron turned to smile at her.

"Do you have one of those? I can imagine it is very rare and valuable! Mostly it's used as a figure of speech" Anya stated as Willow rolled her eyes. Saffron linked her arm with Willow, like they used to in high school as they followed Riley who kept making army-style hand movements to them all as if they knew what he was saying. He ran and crouched behind a gravestone as the rest of them stood awkwardly looking at each other to see if anyone knew what he meant. Riley sighed and beckoned them over to him and Saffron replied by putting her middle finger up at him and smiling sweetly, revealing her dark green nail polish that she had matched with the scarf she had worn for the patrol. He glared back at her and the others tried to hide their smiles at what Saffron had done as they walked over to where he was crouched. Saffron refused to do what he said and crouch down, instead standing stubbornly with her arms crossed over her chest.

Out of nowhere, a vampire came barrelling towards her and tackled her to the ground, pinning her underneath him. He wore a dirty biker jacket that he must have been buried in, judging by the state of it and he had two intricately coiled snake tattoos starting from his neck that weaved onto his face. He had already changed into his game face as he pinned her but even without being a vampire, you wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley if he was angry.

"Guys! Come on, there's a whole entrée out here!" The vampire shouted, in a surprisingly well-spoken voice, towards the mausoleum they had been waiting outside of. _Shit._ Saffron started to struggle and the vampire laughed as she couldn't get herself free. She looked over at the others helplessly, hating that she always seemed to get into situations like this. The damsel in distress look wasn't her favourite. Riley grabbed the vampire and hauled him off Saffron and started to trade blows with him. Saffron got herself up and ran at the vampire with the stake she couldn't reach when she had been pinned to the ground. Riley pulled her behind him before he reached the vamp and quickly dusted him.

"Hey! I fucking had him" Saffron shoved Riley's shoulder in annoyance and felt his disappointment at her words like it had slapped her across the face. She winced and shoved her hands in her pockets quickly, as if that would hide her guilt.

"Of course," Riley replied, his jaw tensing.

"Uh, I meant… you know, thanks" She conceded, not looking up at him. Part of her didn't want to give him the satisfaction, but mostly she was just embarrassed. Luckily, the nest of vampires that they discovered in the mausoleum hadn't heard their friend shout them over the music they were loudly playing. They decided to return later with back up and Saffron suggested they go out instead, suggesting to willow that one beer wouldn't hurt.

While the others were tracking the nest of vampires with Riley, Buffy had paid a visit to her least favourite, and extremely harmless vampire. She wrenched the door of the crypt off its hinges and stepped over it to walk into the dingy crypt he called his home. She stormed towards him with purpose and punched him until she had him backed against the wall. She turned him to face her and began her proposition.

"You're tellin me, you want my casual point of view on how I slaughtered the slayers in cold blood?" spike jibed, not having any other way of hurting her. Buffy nodded and waited. She wouldn't be doing this if she had another choice.

"Stop with the banter, continue with the information" She prompted him impatiently after he didn't reply.

"You know, Saffron was lucky to get away with just the fleeting memory of our passionate nights together. Maybe I should tell you the sordid details of that first?" He smirked, wanting to get under the slayer's skin some more.

"I'm not here to talk about Saff. You're right, she was lucky to get away before you corrupted her and ruined her life. You will never be the man for her. You're not even a man, so stop trying to distract me and tell me what you know" Buffy let him go and crossed her arms, showing him she was bored of him now. He was hurt by what she said, he had been insecure since he had first noticed Saffron had been hiding their friendship from the others and it had only grown since they had to keep up the pretence as lovers. He sighed, knowing he was going to end up helping the slayer. She would want him to.

"Wings" He said finally.

"Huh?"

"I'll tell all if you buy me some chicken wings… or, uh, one of those onion flowers" He explained. She rolled her eyes at him, asking herself what Saffron could have ever seen in him. He stared at the slayer for a long time and saw her in a way he never had before. He could see the similarities between her and Saffron. The area around their eyes was similar and the shape of their jaw lines, although Saffron seemed to look more like Dawn. Maybe it's the hair. He had never noticed the similarities before, he only ever had eyes for Saffron and Buffy usually punched him too many times for his eyes to focus on what she looked like. Seeing how similar they looked made it slightly easier for him to agree to tell her. That, and he enjoyed bragging about his past exploits and the slayers he had killed. He had tried to impress Saff with the stories once, but she said she wanted to watch the movie instead, he hadn't brought it up again. He had just held her close while she watched the girly flick that was on, glad she wasn't repulsed enough to leave his side. He could tell it hurt her conscience to hear how he had killed so many in cold blood but he couldn't be ashamed of it even with her reaction.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had ended up parting ways with the others as something in her was telling her she needed to go to the café. She ordered her usual coffee and took out her pack of tarot cards that she brought everywhere with her. She started to shuffle them and lay a reading for herself out on the table. She hadn't noticed how much she had missed doing readings like this and she hoped at least one person came along for a reading despite her not advertising that she would be there. She had gained a reputation now though, most people recognised her by sight as someone that could read their fortune. She lit up a cigarette and let the voice in her head explain what the card meant. She inhaled and closed her eyes. Saffron only stayed for a couple of hours before packing away her cards. She decided to walk home via the Bronze, to see if anyone was still there.

As she walked through the streets towards the Bronze she felt a strange feeling. Something was happening and she felt she needed to know what it was. It was playing on her mind as she walked on the road that the Bronze was on.

"You're beneath her" Buffy stated. A cold look in her eyes as she threw a pile of notes on Spike who had been pushed to the ground. Spike sniffled and quickly collected all the notes that lay around him as Buffy walked off into the night. Saffron turned the corner and caught a glimpse of Buffy leaving and saw Spike still sat on the floor, staring at the wad of notes in his hand. He looked upset and Saffron rushed over and knelt beside him.

"Hey, what's the view like from down here?" She said as she knelt and looked around, as if for the view she mentioned. Spike just continued to stare at the notes for a while. Saffron stayed next to him, her hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him both with her touch and her abilities. Suddenly he shrugged her off his shoulder and got to his feet. She looked hurt but knew something was wrong. She slowly stood herself up and followed him as he stalked off down the street, pocketing the money he had been given by Buffy.

"Wait up, babe. Some of us don't have freaky vampire speed" She added, trying to match his pace. They rounded the corner and Spike opened the door to a 24 hour off-licence. Once inside, he grumpily asked for his Morley's and picked up as many bottles of liquor as he could carry. Saffron's brow furrowed, but she still offered to help carry a few bottles. Spike nodded at her, not angry enough to forget to thank her silently. He wasn't mad at her, he couldn't be. He was upset at what Buffy had said. It was playing on his mind, Saff belonged in the light. He sighed and shook his head at the thought, he wished he could be something better. A man. They paid at the check-out, the cashier looked between the two of them with obvious disdain but neither of the customers could care less what the man was thinking about them. After paying, Spike walked past Saff, ignoring her concerned look, and left the off-licence without a word. Saffron hurriedly followed Spike and trailed after him towards his next stop.

They arrived at a shop that Saffron had never been in before, for good reason. She pulled a face when she saw that they had arrived at the butchers. She didn't realise they were open so late. Spike glanced at her sideways, knowing she probably wouldn't follow him in. She hesitated, but after scrunching her nose up, followed him in. She was instantly hit with suffering that almost knocked her off her feet and the smell of decaying flesh. She wasn't sure if it was her abilities or if other people just didn't mind the smell of the raw meat. She tried to politely cover her nose but gave up when she saw the butcher staring at her suspiciously. When he noticed Spike stood next to her he smiled and beckoned him over.

"Your usual, Mr Spike?" The butcher asked, clearly familiar with the bleach-blonde.

"Yeah, and some of those little black puddings if you have any left" Spike said, making a small circle with his hand to demonstrate his words. Saffron looked visibly disgusted at what he was asking for, more so than the liquid blood. The man went through to the back to get Spike's order while the pair waited under the bright, fluorescent lighting.

"Really? Black pudding?" Saffron had to stop herself from gagging at even saying the words. She had always hated that stuff. He just shrugged, as if it was obvious. _Well, it is blood_. They waited for a while, and Saffron felt herself feeling weaker as she stood there surrounded by the dead animals. It's as if she could feel what they felt just before they died and she shivered suddenly feeling icy cold. "Babe, not that I don't love our visits to the butcher's but I'm, uh, gonna go wait outside ok?" Saffron said, unable to stand it in there any longer. Spike nodded and continued to wait inside the store. Saffron lit a cigarette, and by the time she finished it Spike came out with another brown bag filled with blood. They made their way through the streets, saffron tried to make conversation but nothing seemed to get him to open up to her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

When they arrived at the crypt, Spike still hadn't spoken and just turned to make a drink. His attempt didn't go to plan, he was clearly still upset about something and when he grabbed for a glass his grip shattered it. Saffron took Spike's hand to lead him to the sofa and swept the glass up. She then got to fixing him some blood and just passed him the large bottle of bourbon he had bought, knowing there was no point putting that in one glass. They had been in silence the whole time Saffron sorted the blood for him, she kept sneaking glances at him and sighing, unsure how to get through to him. She brought the mug and sat down next to him, whilst he took the mug off her and seemed to mutter a thanks of some kind. She put her hands softly through his hair, trying to offer him some comfort. Spike furrowed his brow, the words Buffy had uttered were playing on his mind. He was beneath Saffron, that's how he felt. She was good and kind and what had he done? Killed everyone in his path and enjoyed it. He shook his head, from Cecily to Saffron, he really was a fool for love.

"What's going on Spike? Please talk to me" Saffron took his hand in hers, trying to get through to him. _As soon as their hands met, the scene around them changed. Their clothes stayed the same, but they were suddenly in a fancy house with a large crowd of people in old fashioned, beautiful outfits. Saffron stared in awe, she had never witnessed anything like it. By the looks of the corsets and the accents, they were back in time. And in England._

_"Where are we, Spike?" Saffron asked, her hand still holding onto his. She knew it must be something to do with him. He looked around in shock, it all looked so real. He held her hand tighter and she winced from the strength of his grip. Saffron couldn't feel the emotions of anyone in the room, there was just one person she could feel emotions from._

_"We-we're in my head, love" He stated, still looking around the room. Spike narrated the scene as he pointed out William who was writing in the corner of the room as the party happened around them. That was who she could feel. Saffron's eyes bulged at what Spike used to look like and smiled back at the one she was still holding hands with. William spoke up then about the word he needed to rhyme._

_"Your accent! You're a toff!"_

_"Hey! I'm no bloody toff, love. I'm not him" He said firmly. Venom clear in his voice. Saffron furrowed her eyebrows, she hadn't meant to upset him. She was fascinated with the party that was going on and pulled Spike to follow her to the main room. That was when Cecily entered the room and both William and Spike murmured her name at the same time. Saffron looked up at the beautiful woman and knew this was one of his first loves. From the way both men were staring, it was obvious. She could feel a hint of jealousy deep down but knew that Spike had lived a long life and it would be ridiculous to make a deal out of it. They followed her further into the crowded room and watched the conversation that flowed as easily as the wine._

_"This was the crowd you were part of?" Saffron gestured at the group as Spike shook his head slightly, watching the scene before him._

_"I don't want to bloody see this again" He groaned as William walked over to the group. They started to make fun of him and read his poetry out loud in front of everyone. Saffron tried to run at the man but Spike's grip on her hand kept her back. She looked up at him, pain flashed across his face as if it had only just happened. She rubbed her thumb on his hand and squeezed to offer some comfort. He couldn't quite manage to meet her eyes. They followed William where he went to see Cecily and they sat on the chairs opposite and Saffron listened intently. It broke her heart to hear the way Spike had been let down, tears were in her eyes as William left the party and stalked into the night._

_"Spike, I didn't know-"_

_"I'd be surprised if you did, pet. It was around 100 years ago" He shrugged, as if it wasn't hurting to relive the scene. She could feel that it was though. A lot._

_"Can we follow him, uh, you?" She asked, not knowing what would come next. He nodded and he led the way, walking the path he took to his death as if it was one he walked everyday. She looked around at the busy square that they walked through, the horses trotting past bringing people to their destination, small stores and upper-class people taking a stroll. She noted that Spike must have had a great deal of money considering this wasn't what she had expected the old-fashioned England to look like. Suddenly three people stalked towards them, it looked like they were going to hit them with the pace they kept, not moving out of the way. Saffron readied herself for impact but the three of them simply walked through her. A flash of amber eyes and muffled voices disappeared as quickly as they appeared. That was when she realised who it was._

_"Angelus" She breathed. Spike just nodded, leading her in the opposite direction._

_"But aren't you over there, with them?" She pointed and tried to pull him the other way, "Is this how you were turned, babe?"_

_"It's my sodding memory, pet, I know which way I went. And yeah, it is" He said evenly. Saffron could tell he still wasn't in a good mood and decided to just follow him. She felt lucky he was allowing her to see his memories. She stopped him in the alleyway and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. He looked at her, unsure why she planted it there._

_"I care about all of you. William to Spike. I want to know you. The real one" She explained, promising that none of this was putting her off him. He smiled only slightly, if she had blinked at the wrong moment, she would have missed it. He nodded then turned to show her what happened next._

They were back in the crypt after seeing him and Dru in Spike's memory. Saffron had enjoyed seeing Spike's memories. Although it had made her sad, she felt she knew Spike better than ever. He took a large swig of the bottle as she tried to come up with something to say. She had witnessed his siring, it was hard to describe. She took the bottle from him and had a deep drink. She was trying to figure out if the memory seeing was a power she had or one Spike hadn't mentioned he had. She didn't feel it was the right time to ask though. They drank for a while, Spike was pleased that she had stayed after seeing his past. It didn't stop him feeling like he didn't deserve to be with her though. It was as if Saffron could sense this and she moved to sit closer to him.

_Saffron's hand interlaced with Spike's again and she found herself in a deserted subway train. She'd only ever seen New York in movies but she could tell that's where they were. Spike confirmed this, as he explained where he was and what was about to happen. Spike didn't mind reliving this memory, it was one of his favourites. He was, however, unsure how Saffron would take it. He came into view then, her eyes widened at the outfit that he was wearing and she couldn't hide her smug smile at how he looked. He looked at her questioningly and she went a shade of pink she was starting to get accustomed to when he was around._

_"Mm, the clothes?" He whispered, smirking at the way she was staring at his younger self._

_"And the piercing, if I was a different kind of girl I would have swooned" She whispered back, even though the memory of Spike wouldn't have heard them. He kissed her forehead, looking very pleased with himself, keeping in mind this moment for later. Maybe he would find a top like that to wear again, she seemed to appreciate the view. In fact, he was almost jealous of the attention she was paying to his younger self. He put a firm hand on her waist. A woman came into view then, she had beautiful dark skin and her hair was styled into a tight curled afro. She stared at the woman, the glint of determination and self-assurance in her brown eyes lit up the subway carriage. She recognised the look. Saffron frowned, she also recognised the coat she wore and knew instantly she was a slayer. She was a good fighter, and Saffron admired her style - she desperately wanted the boots she was wearing._

_"I could have danced all night with this one" He gestured his head towards her as they moved to sit on one of the chairs as Spike and the Slayer fought._

_"Why are you thinking about all this now, Spike? What did Buffy say to you?"_

_"No matter, love. You want to know me. This is one of the best ways to see who I really am" He said this just as the Spike who was fighting changed into his game face and Spike winced slightly. Saff looked at the man she was still holding hands with, she was trying to understand why he would wince at the change. He'd never seemed shy before. She looked back, fascinated by the way he moved and the way he looked when he changed. She could barely take her eyes off him. He was brutal, but the way he fought really did look like a dance. There was a kind of elegance to it that was the complete opposite to how she wished she could describe it._

_"You're enjoying it" She could feel the elation all around her, his memory was showing her exactly how he felt in the moment._

_"Can't hide it, Honey. One of the best nights of my life that, only shows how pathetic I've become"_

_"Do you blame me? For how things are now?" She asked, wondering if she made him feel like less of a vampire. Her influence couldn't be denied by either of them. He didn't hesitate at her question, he answered fully._

_"What? I mean the blasted chip, love. You make me feel like a man, not just… this" He pointed towards the fight that was still going on with the slayer, indicating that all he was there was demon, "But I can't lie, I miss it. The hunt. Trading blows with a slayer" He shrugged at the end, watching himself fighting._

_"But if you had it out, you know I wouldn't want you to kill slayers. Buffy's the closest I'll ever have to a sister..." She paused, before she realised what he meant, "You are a man and you're mine" She said simply. Stating her feelings, seeing as he was letting her in this way. They looked at each other for a while, neither angry with the other for how they felt. Suddenly, a loud crack echoed through the empty subway coach. Saffron winced and shivered, knowing what that sound meant. Spike smiled at the sound, the memory. Saffron looked around and saw that he had taken the slayer down. He was taking her duster off and sizing it up for himself. She frowned, clearly not impressed._

"What? I killed her, love, I don't think she missed it" He shrugged as the scene disappeared before them and they were back in the crypt. Saffron frowned, thinking about Spike. He would have gloated about the killings even a year earlier. He had been happy to change in front of her once upon a time, but since they had been together she could barely remember a time he had changed into his vampire form. Was he embarrassed?

"Change" She said suddenly.

"I don't want to" He shrugged, reaching to take another bottle of liquor from the brown paper bag in the corner.

"Because you're ashamed?" She asked slowly, watching him falter as he reached up to drink, "It won't make me see you as less of a man" she confirmed, as if she had read his mind.

"Just don't feel like it" He shrugged, not looking her in the eye. She flicked him then, hard, on the nose. "Hey! What the bloody hell was that for" She didn't answer, just flicked him again. He got annoyed, flashing his face at her briefly.

"There he is! Come on, Spikey, I know you're in there" She used the nickname she knew irritated him and reached to flick him again. His face changed and he grabbed her wrist to stop her, a growl from the back of his throat warned her off annoying him further. She smiled at him genuinely and he loosened the grip on her wrist. She moved her hand up to trace the bumps on his forehead and he just watched her, bemused. She seemed to be staring with a mix of fascination and adoration as her eyes flicked to look him in his yellow eyes. She traced her hand over his eyebrow, slowly over his scar and trailed her fingers to rest on the side of his cheek. "I care about all of you, Spike" She confirmed again, "Bumpy or not" she added with a smile. She leaned in then and left a chaste kiss on his lips. His fangs nicked her bottom lip and she flinched, but didn't pull away completely. She put her thumb to her lip to wipe it off and revealed the blood. Her eyes flicked up to his, but his eyes were fixed on her lower lip, where the tiny cut was.

She made a decision then, "Kiss me, Spike" She asked. He looked conflicted, he managed to drag his eyes from her bleeding lip and search her eyes for confirmation. She wasn't disgusted with him. He leaned in again and caught her lips with his, the taste of her blood was sweet and he wanted more. Their kiss was rough and filled with an unwavering passion, he sucked on her bottom lip, savouring her sweet blood. It tasted so much better than he remembered it.

They had managed to make it to Spike's four-poster bed. Neither completely sure how they ended up there, but they were with only a thin sheet separating their naked bodies from the harsh cold of the crypt. They both panted, Saff trying to get her breath back and Spike just out of habit. They hadn't been able to take their hands off each other since Saffron asked him to kiss her. He knew then, this was just as real for her as it was for him. Her heart was full of love for him, all of him. He just wished she would say it sometimes. But that gesture, was all he needed. They lay lazily in the four poster bed, a place they both enjoyed because it was theirs and theirs alone. Spike had his arm around her and she leaned into him her fingers tracing his face the way it had when he had revealed his game face, the same expression on her face as before. They looked at each other, not needing words to know how content they both felt with each other. They stayed like that for a while, content in each other's company.

"Have you ever felt like this before?" She asked, humming the words, still basking in the glow of their happiness.

"Like what?" He asked as he moved his hand to pull the sheet higher for her because he could feel how cold she was getting. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get rid of the draught she was always complaining about.

"The way you feel about me…" she wavered and trailed off.

"Love, you mean? You know, I think you're bloody allergic to the word-" Spike was cut off by her lips crashing into his, she didn't want them to talk about this yet. She knew he had been vulnerable with her but she needed a little more time. She ended their kiss as abruptly as she had started it, wanting to know the answer.

"So… have you?"

"I was with Dru for decades, the feeling doesn't go away. But with us, with you- it's different. I can't explain it, honeysuckle. You're in everything I do" he shrugged as if this was something you admit everyday.

"I know, I feel it too" She smiled as he did when she said it, she loved the smile he only had for her, "Tell me how it was though?"

"I'll show you" He said, his smile dropping slightly as their hands interlocked again.

_They were in Mexico, now. The dusty heat was stifling, which was a good job because the pair hadn't put any clothes on before Spike had let her into his memory. Saffron looked down at herself and cringed._

_"You could have let me put some clothes on, babe" She sulked, covering her chest with her arms. He smirked, having no problem with the fact neither of them were wearing anything._

_"It's not as if anyone can see, pet, and at least there's something in it for me now" His eyebrows arched suggestively as he slowly looked down her body and smiled. She rolled her eyes and leaned up to leave a soft kiss on his neck. They both turned to look at the scene in front of them. A guy with sticky antlers was stood awkwardly between two vampires. Drusilla looked down as Spike spoke to her, the tone of his voice indicating he was upset._

_She could feel surrounded by sadness then too. Insecurity. Her eyes filled with tears as it was evident that Dru had broken his heart._

_"My Spike, don't you see? Your heart belonged to her the day you laid eyes on her"_

_"Dru, love, I don't have a buggering clue who you're on about" He said, but everyone there knew he was lying, including the two watching, "Why do you do this to me, love?" He asked pointing at the demon._

_"Act four, the Star cross'd lovers take the stage. Their plight will be laid out for all to see. Miss Edith gave me the Royal box to watch, it made my stomach turn" She imitated churning on her stomach to illustrate her point, one that the Spike in the scene still looked confused about. Drusilla was hard to understand, and hindsight was a wonderful thing. Saffron turned to the naked Spike she was holding hands with, smiling at him as Spike knew what she was going to say next. The chaos demon left hurriedly and went back into the bar._

_"Terrible knots and thorns, the poison'd flower that swayed my poor boy. His blood courses with it, his heart coloured amethyst" She said knowingly. She looked over to where Spike and saffron were stood watching, and stared as if she was looking right into Saffron's eyes. She felt exposed, a shiver running down her spine. Could she really see them? The spike in the scene wiped his face to hide the tears that slipped from his eyes, trying to figure out what she was looking at behind him. He shrugged, wiping his tears on his sleeve, she was usually staring into the distance. She had known this whole time, and she had made him feel like this because of it. He had no chance with the girl she was talking about and now, he didn't even have Dru. Saffron reached to her Spike's hand again and squeezed it comfortingly, seeing that his own eyes seemed to be welling with tears that hadn't fallen. She wanted him to know it was okay as her own tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. She could feel how hollow he was feeling after she cheated on him, she wished she had known this before. The reason for his insecurity, the need to hear that she loved him. She decided it was time. They snapped out of the memory quickly._

Saffron turned to Spike, both of them were now sat up on the bed, the thin sheet now covering them both again. She looked into his eyes, with her own tear stained ones. He didn't know what to say, he knew that she had felt the way he had been feeling at the time. She knew that he had loved her and that was the reason Drusilla felt lonely and cheated on him. She felt that he blamed himself and worried that she would leave him in a similar way. She rested her forehead on his and reached up to hold the sides of his head with her hands. Her fingers weaved through his hair and rested there, small circular motions to comfort him the best she could.

"I'll never leave you Spike" She stated, firmly, guiding his head to lean against her shoulder now, "Not by choice, not ever" She held him close to her, stroking his hair as he leaned into her further. A rare glimpse into his vulnerable side had washed Saffron out completely but all she wanted to do was comfort him. He shook from the sobs that wracked his body as he thought about William, his past relationships and the way he felt about his current love. He felt this contradiction of happy to be in her arms as well as embarrassed at the way his feelings and his heart ruled him. He chose to believe her though.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The magic box was filled with warm glowing light, Willow and Tara had done a spell that lit up the room for the meeting they were having. The warm glow emanated through the room, making it appear cosy. Everyone was there, including Dawn. Buffy didn't have any excuses or anyone free to babysit as everyone was needed at the Magic Box. She told Dawn to sit in the corner, do her homework and not to touch anything. Saffron joked that she was going to get her some crayons to keep her occupied and Dawn stuck her tongue out at her.

Xander and Anya were busy looking through a book together, thinking nobody could see Xander's hand, which was dangerously high on Anya's thigh. Willow and Tara were gushing about how they did the spell, they were so proud of how easy spells were for them when they worked together. Saff could feel love radiating from both corners of the room and she wished she could hold Spike's hand or show some affection while they were in the meeting. Saffron was sat on a hard, wooden chair next to Spike. They were comfortable enough just being next to each other, but both were thinking the same thing. Wanting to have physical contact. She was holding a dusty book named, 'The Empath Bible' which Giles had handed to her to get herself familiar with how the sight made empathic tendencies stronger than most. She tried to tell him it was blasphemous to call it a Bible but he wasn't listening. She rolled her eyes when he turned his back but flipped it open so it looked like she was doing something. Spike just sat there, leaning back on his chair. He was only there for Saff. Giles was busy talking Buffy through some training techniques they needed to try, now that he was her watcher again. She was limbering up as he spoke and Saffron looked up to see if it was anything she could join in with. Giles looked at her and shook his head lightly, which led to her sulking and turning the page of her old book dramatically.

"S'all right love, I'll show you the ropes" He said loud enough for everyone to hear and arched his eyebrows suggestively and Saff couldn't help smiling slightly.

"You will do no such thing" Giles stated curtly.

"Yeah, who even invited you? I preferred it when you were all flaccid from a distance" Buffy agreed.

"How about you make with the leaving now?" Xander added. Saffron frowned at them all, when it came down to it Spike had helped them all out. Often, it was reluctantly, or because it's something Saffron had asked him to do. But he still had, most recently with Tara. The two witches watched the exchange, but didn't comment either way. Tara didn't want to draw attention to the fact they were together, opting to pretend to read her own dusty book. Saffron stood up, and decided it was time to defend him.

"How about you make with the shutting up, Xand? Spike is almost as strong as Buff and he's helped us out over the year since he got the chip"

"Yeah, just get me a bloody white hat" He muttered and Saffron gave him a look which shut him up.

"Yeah and that's all great apart from the small fact of he tried to kill us, SP!"

"I don't think you should be doing this" Buffy warned her cousin, giving her a look to tell her to stop it.

"Why are you even defending him?" Xander asked and Saffron took a deep breath. She needed to do this. She couldn't hide it anymore.

"Because I love him" She said shakily. She turned to Spike, who had stood up when she said that, his eyes wide. All he could do was stare in awe. She said it. In front of them all. She reached and held her hand out and he quickly laced his fingers through hers, still staring at her. He looked back at the room with a smug smile. Half of the room seemed to laugh until they saw the seriousness in Saffron's face. Buffy scowled at Spike, who seemed to be loving the situation. The room fell into silence, everyone's faces were tense as they waited to see who would speak first. Everyone, except Dawn that is, who beamed widely and ran at the pair to hug them both. Saffron was relieved, hugging her cousin back tightly and Spike didn't know what to do she he patted her head awkwardly.

"Please please say you're joking" Xander held his hands as if he was praying and talking to God.

"I don't- I don't think I quite, ah, understand" Giles tripped over his words and looked appalled. Anya and willow just stared, seemingly lost for words. Tara didn't make eye contact with anyone else in the room, she gave Saffron a small nod but she was trying not to show them that she already knew.

"I warned you" Buffy shouted at Spike threateningly, rounding on the pair. Saffron looked around the room, worried about what was going to happen next. But she knew she had Spike by her side, they could get through anything. Together.


	25. Chapter 25

The tension in the air could be cut with a magically transfigured knife. The whole room seemed to be in their own kind of turmoil as a laboured silence had fallen. Saffron was worried she was losing them. The magic box was still lit warmly, which did not match the mood, and the evening was still young. To onlookers from the outside, it may appear to be a meeting between an employer and his employees, but this was nothing like that.

"Saffron and… Spike?" Xander said again, as Anya listened but stayed silent. She didn't see it as very shocking.

"They're together?" Willow repeated in shock, looking to Tara for support. Tara avoided looking at her, which made Willow frown.

"This is bloody ridiculous" Giles snapped.

"Is it a spell? It must be a spell" Xander asked the room. He was the most vocal about his outrage.

"It's him. He's been manipulating her from the start" Buffy pointed her stake at Spike, who stepped back out of instinct, but didn't let go of Saff's hand.

"Hello? We are still in the fucking room here" Saffron finally spoke up. She had let them get it out of their system, but it had been an hour now. "Uh, sorry Dawny. I meant 'flipping room'…"

"She didn't" Spike winked at Dawn which made her smile widely. She had always liked how Spike spoke to her like a normal person.

"Saffron. You said you would end it. What happened?" Buffy asked, still standing close to Spike, glaring at him.

"Look, Buff, I know that I-"

"Wait, does this mean you knew?"

"Well, Riley led me to believe they were just sleeping togeth-" Buffy cut herself off, realising Dawn was still in the room, "Dawn, why don't you do your homework in the back room?" Dawn responded by rolling her eyes but staying firmly stood where she was, next to the couple.

"Hold on, Riley knew too?" Xander asked incredulously, "Way to keep me in the loop"

"Well, I didn't think there was anything to tell. She said she would end it"

"Ok, ok. I get it. Bad Saffron, lying. I'm sorry but I knew you would all start raining on the whole I love Spike parade if I told you" Saffron explained herself briefly. Spike grinned again smugly as she repeated that she loved him. He squeezed her hand, knowing she needed reassurance, but also enjoying himself and the chaos the was happening around him. Saff could feel his enjoyment, but her own dread for being cut out of the group, her family was stronger. Xander and Buffy both scoffed when Saffron said she loved him and Giles almost completely boiled over in anger.

"How could you!?" Giles had been mostly silent until this point. Scarily silent. He pointed a finger at Spike. The pair stared at each other until Saffron stepped in front of them.

"G, please…" Saffron pleaded for him to stop. Giles shook his head at her, as if he pitied her. But Saffron could feel that he was mad at her. In a big way, almost as much as he was at Spike.

"You're making a grave mistake, Saffron. All he wants to do is keep you locked away in the dark, he could be The Corrupted one for all we know!"

"You don't know anything about us, Giles" She snapped, tired of this merry-go-round of hell she couldn't get off.

"I know him. I know the countless innocents that he has killed. I know he tried to kill you, your cousin and I know that he would still be doing it now if it wasn't for the initiative"

"All you know is what's written in books. I know him" She looked back at Spike and smiled at him, Spike could tell she was upset so he tried to show that she was doing well with a smile of his own. The others all looked some degree of appalled or shocked at the pair.

"Willow, do you wanna weigh in?" Xander tried to appeal to Willow to back them all up, "Can't you check for some freaky love spell"

"I don't think it is a spell, Xand. I can't feel anything, and I could if there was potent magics around" Willow paused, unsure what to say about what Saffron had revealed, she was shocked. "But i-if it is true, the only problem I have is that she didn't tell me"

"Will, you know I would have-" Saffron tried to explain.

"Like I did with you?" Willow replied, unusually cold. Saffron winced, her disappointment was like pointed shards of ice throughout her body. Willow meant that she had trusted her first and Saffron had just hidden everything from her. Again.

"How can that be your only problem!? It's Spike we're talking about here. William the bloody. Mr I'll-put-spikes-through-you-if-you-bloody-look-at-me-wrong" Xander ranted, completely angry and confused at both of them. Saffron looked around the room again. Giles was shaking his head curtly and the experience of her father figure disapproving stung. Buffy was pacing and gripping her stake tightly, looking at Spike every so often. Xander was red in the face and Anya was trying to calm him down, and Tara was still sat listening to the room.

"After everything, you promised. You promised you wouldn't keep things from me" Buffy looked close to tears when she said this, but Saffron knew they were tears of betrayal and frustration. She hated that she made Buffy feel like this. Saff didn't have any words for her. She knew this was her fault, but it was that or watch her stake him.

Saffron couldn't stand it any longer. She scanned the room again, feeling her friends anger and how upset they were. She couldn't stay here feeling how they felt. She gave Dawn, the only one that had verbally supported them, a watery smile before turning to Spike.

"Take me somewhere else?" She whispered to Spike, tears in her eyes.

"With pleasure, pet" He said as he led her towards the door of the magic box. He glared at them all for making her feel this way. Some of them were still ranting as they left the shop and Dawn was trying to get her words in to support the couple, but the group were ignoring her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The three girls were in the waiting room of the hospital. Joyce had revealed she had to go in for more tests when Saffron had finally got home the night before. All of the girls had travelled with her in silence, Buffy was still upset about her revelation and they were all worried about Joyce. They hadn't spoken since she had left with Spike the night before and she had barely acknowledged her presence.

"You've put us all in danger by letting him in" Buffy finally spoke up as they were in the waiting room, "First rule of our family, don't let any men with bumpy foreheads into our lives" She added.

"Oh yeah, because there isn't one of us that isn't guilty of that" Saff replied flippantly. She was over the blame game already. They were both whispering as Dawn was sleeping soundly between the pair.

"This isn't a joke. If he knows about Dawn-"

"He doesn't" She snapped back, "But I know I could trust him if he did"

"This is so you. You're meant to be this empathetic person who knows it all, but you put us all in danger!"

"And this is so you, Buffy. Pretending that you know what's best. Well you don't, you're barely older so don't start telling me what to do with my life. You and Angel loved each other"

"This isn't fucking love, Saffron" Saffron widened her eyes at Buffy swearing, it seemed so harsh coming out of her mouth. It confirmed that she was angry, "It's sick. He's using you. Can't you see that?"

"He loves me" She stated. Buffy snorted at the idea that Spike could love anyone. She didn't reply for a while, she seemed in deep thought. She looked back over at her cousin and sister and shook her head. How could neither of them see that Spike was bad news.

"What hurts the most is that you chose him over your own family. You say that we're like sisters or the Scoobies are your extended family, but where was that when you were lying to our faces?" Buffy bit back, no longer whispering. Dawn stirred from Saffron's lap at Buffy's words.

"You're telling me you didn't prioritise Angel over us? Over me? You're a walking talking hypocrite" Saffron replied. Thinking back to all the times she had been in danger because of how Buffy had felt for Angel. She had never blamed either of them for that. "It should be Buffy the hypocrite, not the vampire slayer" Saffron hissed, moving Dawn off her lap awkwardly so she could storm off to the vending machine. It hadn't been her best line so she was trying to exit before Buffy could retort. Dawn woke up and yawned widely, her eyes were struggling to stay open as she tried to figure out where she was.

"Did I miss something?" She asked sleepily, as Buffy shook her head and told her to go back to her nap. Dawn sleepily nodded her head and adjusted her position so she could lean against Buffy instead.

Meanwhile, at Revello Drive, Spike was looking through the cupboards in Saffron's basement room. She asked him to bring her favourite jacket, she hadn't had chance to put it on when she had heard Joyce was needed for more tests. He had decided to keep his distance for now, but he was planning on visiting her later, he knew how hard she was taking everything, and he needed to be with his love. Spike heard the front door open and paused, it couldn't be any of the Summers girls. He heard the footsteps above him pause before making their way to the basement. Spike rolled his eyes; he could smell who it was now.

"Spike? What are you doing in here?" Riley asked, standing with his arms crossed at the top of the stairs. Spike decided it was none of his business and carried on looking for Saff's jacket. Riley made his way down the stairs and grabbed spike's shoulder, spinning him round.

"Well, in case you hadn't heard the other night, I'm the boyfriend. I'm allowed in here and you're bloody well not" Spike said, shoving his shoulder away from Riley's grip.

"Boyfriend?" Riley asked, not sure what he meant. He hadn't been at the magic box when Saffron declared her feelings and Buffy hadn't really been filling him in lately. Spike smirked at this and shook his head, looking for that stupid jacket again. If it's her sodding favourite, why doesn't she keep it in an obvious place?

Riley grabbed the lapel of Spike's leather jacket and pulled him towards the stairs, not believing that Spike had a right to be there.

"Watch it, you're bruising the leather!" He shouted, "Saffron and me, we're in love" Spike smiled and raised his eyebrows, receiving a punch from Riley.

"There's no way anyone could love something like you"

"From what I heard, nobody's in the business of loving you, mate. Seems more of a you problem" Spike shrugged smugly. Referring to something he overheard Xander telling Saffron in confidence recently. Riley had revealed that he knew Buffy didn't love him, and Xander ended up revealing it to Saffron.

"Me and Buffy are- we're solid. Can't say that about you and Saffron. From what Buffy says, she goes through men quite… quickly" Riley said calmly.

"Oi, watch it!" Spike shouted at the implication Saffron went out with a lot of men, he went to punch him but gave himself a horrible headache instead. That moment did remind him of something Riley said though, "Oh and that's why you're at the hospital with them now? Cos you're so bleeding solid"

"Hospital?"

"Didn't she tell you? Joyce is sickly, girls went with her, the little bit too" Spike explained as Riley looked confused. _Nobody told him_, Spike thought with glee. Riley turned around without another word and ran up the stairs and out of the house. Spike shrugged and went back to looking through Saff's room for the jacket.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The lighting in the hospital waiting room was bright and clinical. Saffron hated the smell of hospitals and wished more than anything that Joyce would be okay despite the shadow they had found. The smell of bleach filled her nose as she shivered from the cold, she had forgotten to bring her jacket. They had all been sat in silence since she got back from the vending machine, Saffron didn't want another argument, especially since they were all so worried about Joyce. She opened her can of pop and drank slowly, offering Dawn a can too. She slouched back in her chair and rested her head, looking up at the ceiling. The light above her head flickered on and off every now and again. Riley was with them now and he was whispering words to try and soothe Buffy, but Saffron could feel that he was annoying her more than anything. She went back to staring at the flickering light.

_One. Two. Three._ The light flickered and stopped. Dawn had copied her cousin now, slouching like her and staring at the light. _One. Two. Three_. It made a noise as it flickered, as if it was trying to communicate to them using some kind of code.

"Three" Saffron whispered, as the lights flickered in the same pattern above them again. Dawn frowned and looked to see what her cousin meant but went back to looking up when she saw that she was doing the same. They stayed like that for a while and Dawn moved to lean against Saffron's shoulder while she continued to watch the lights flicker with a fascination that Dawn couldn't match. Spike rounded the corner and stopped when he saw he was finally in the right waiting room. He had a black, zip-up hoodie in his hands that Saffron hadn't worn in a long time and she stared at it for a second before meeting his eyes. She stood up to greet him but faltered when she heard someone speak up.

"What is he doing here?" Buffy asked, standing too and crossing her arms. Riley followed her and did the same. Saff rolled her eyes at this. Fucking lap dog.

"You're not the only person that needs support, Buffy" Saffron said sadly, trying to make Buffy see.

"She's not even your Mom!" Buffy shouted and Saffron winced at her words. The malice behind them stung her and she felt tears welling up in the back of her eyes. She blinked them away quickly as Spike wrapped his arm around her waist protectively as if he could protect her from the slayer's words. She leant into him and Spike squeezed her waist, silently showing he was right there with her, Buffy paused at this, it was almost as if there were real feelings there. She shook that thought out of her head.

"Buffy, that's not even true! She is, Saff's one of us!" Dawn weighed in, shocked at how harsh her sister had been. Buffy looked conflicted, she seemed horrified at what she had just said. Saffron could feel it but didn't say anything. She wasn't mad at Buffy, just upset. Saffron and Spike went to sit down on the other side of the waiting room, with Dawn following them.

"Uh, I brought a different jacket. The other's bloody impossible to find" He said, looking embarrassed that he couldn't do this one thing for her. Saffron took the black hoodie and smiled tightly, kissing his cheek as a thank you. "Uh, I thought you might like these too" Spike showed her the tarot cards he had found and she smiled and shoved them in her pocket. Dawn started talking then, babbling nervously about anything and everything. The couple let her talk, she obviously needed it. Saffron laced her fingers between Spike's as Dawn spoke, and Spike softly rubbed his thumb on her hand while they waited. Saffron could feel Buffy stewing from across the room, she didn't seem pleased to be in Riley's company either. If Buffy ever spoke to her again, she told herself to ask what was going on with them. She could also feel her cousin's guilt over what she had said. Saffron leaned against spike's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her forehead lightly as Dawn continued to talk.

The doctor came in and interrupted Dawn complaining about an injustice that had happened in school. Both Spike and Saffron were relieved when she tailed off, but that was replaced by dread when Saffron saw why. The doctor was back. The other girls went up to him as he broke the news.

"Your mother… she has a brain tumour" the doctor explained. Saffron's knees buckled and Buffy quickly responded by holding her up. No matter what had been going on between them, they needed each other. The doctor sat down with them and started to discuss everything. Neither of them could take anything he was saying in, they held each other's hands as if they hadn't been fighting moments before. He kept asking them questions that they weren't sure how to answer. Saff hugged her cousin, despite everything. They needed each other now more than ever. Ben came and told the doctor her was needed and they thanked him, they had been so overwhelmed. Tears were rolling from Buffy's eyes as Dawn walked over cautiously. Saffron gestured with her head for her to sit next to her. All three of them hugged and tried to comfort each other. Ben left them to have some time to themselves and Spike and Riley watched their girlfriends with concern between glaring at each other.

"Saff, I'm sorry. None of it, none of it means anything…" Buffy said, wiping the tears from her face.

"Hey, I know, okay? I know. I'm here" She confirmed she was feeling the same. Dawn cried as the older girls spoke, confirming that things between them were civil for now. They needed each other more than ever. Riley offered to take Dawn out while the girls sorted insurance and things like that at the hospital and Spike slipped out to get himself some blood from a different floor.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was stood behind the till in the Magic Box. Giles had told Buffy he would understand if Saff came in later than usual because of Joyce. He hadn't spoken to Saff since she had told them all about Spike. She hadn't made an effort with her appearance today; her mind had been on other things. On everything. She was wearing a band t-shirt, ripped jeans and the black zip-up hoodie that she didn't remember owning before Spike had found it in her room. She had forgotten to put on her jewellery that morning and she felt almost naked without her silver rings and necklaces. She barely looked up when Riley walked in, he was busy talking to Giles and Xander anyway. Saffron had decide to stay clear of the three of them, she was having a rough week without the men making it worse by making her feel guilty for being with Spike. She thought about spike then, how good he had been to her since Joyce had been sick. He offered to take on more patrolling so her and Buffy could stay at the hospital and he was always close by when she felt like she was falling apart. She felt so lucky to have him. Why couldn't any one else see the good in him?

"Hey, Giles? Could I have a minute?" Saffron asked, staring down at her bare, ring-less hands, still not completely in the room. She was thinking of the three again, it was always in the back of her mind. She decided it must mean something, the dreams and the messages had only started since the demon-woman had come onto the scene.

"I'm busy, Saffron" Giles snapped, walking past her and checking the invoices again after Anya had revealed that he had sold items he shouldn't have done to Glory.

"G, it'll take a moment… it's about the-"

"I can barely look at you after your… revelation." Giles almost spat the word revelation, Saffron visibly winced at the venom surrounding her. She could feel his anger and disappointment and it felt like someone was sticking pins in her. Poisoned pins. His feelings were clear and her fears were coming true. She was losing them. She nodded sadly but tried to keep her cool as she walked towards the front of the store, closing the curtain behind her and sat down where she would usually take readings. She put her head in her hands, allowing herself this moment to release all of the emotions swirling around in her head. She wiped away a few stray tears and collected herself. Breathe.

Saffron managed to plaster a smile onto her face and left her sanctuary and started to walk back towards the till. She made sure to avoid Giles at all costs. It hurt to see someone she had seen as her father-figure not want to even look at her. She made sure to keep herself busy, chatting to customers and replacing chicken feet when the jars got empty. Chicken feet were always popular towards the end of the week, Saffron noted to herself although she wasn't sure what she could do with the information she had noted. She noticed that her younger cousin was sat at the table, hunched over her notebook and covering it with her hands so nobody else could see what she was writing. She felt a strong wave of nerves and anguish crash into her as she moved closer to her cousin. It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of iced water over her head as she felt what Dawn did.

"Hey Dawn chorus, where did you go with Riley?" saff asked, sitting herself down next to her cousin, who was also visibly upset about her mother being in hospital. Saffron picked at her blood red nail varnish for something to do with her hands.

"The carousel" She said, not looking up from the notebook she was writing in.

"Man, we should go back there all together. Do you remember the birthday you had there?" Saffron asked, thinking about that first year in Sunnydale.

"Yeah, we both got sick from all the candy floss we ate" Dawn smiled softly at the memory. She had enjoyed that party, despite not having any friends that came.

"Yeah and J said she had never seen us all so happy" Saffron thought, remembering that Dawn's party and the carousel must have never actually happened. She frowned, she remembered the sticky taste of the candy floss and the first time she had smiled properly since coming to Sunnydale. It had been fun and it had been a time for all four of the women to bond properly. How could it not be real? She looked at Dawn, her emotions hadn't changed, she really didn't know she was the key. She was feeling the same nostalgia that Saff was. Saffron had become lost in her own thoughts, wondering how to come to terms with Dawn being the key. She tried to shake herself out of those thoughts, _she's still your cousin. You're meant to be comforting the poor girl_, she told herself strictly.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Dawn said quietly. Saffron looked at Dawn, who had stopped writing in her book. The younger brunette had watery eyes and a look in her eye that suggested she trusted Saffron to tell it to her straight. But she couldn't do that, not this time.

"Hey, you saw her! J's a tough cookie, you know she can handle anything" saffron smiled, "She'll be home in no time" Saffron added, hoping with everything she had that her words would turn out to be true. Saffron could feel that Dawn had relaxed, she was still worried but this affirmation from her cousin had calmed her down. This meant that Saffron's own mind was clearer now that Dawn's was eased. She hugged her cousin and thought about how often she wished life for them could to be normal. No key, no illnesses, no vampires or soulless boyfriends that make you lose your closest friends.

It was the end of day and Saffron was in the stock room of the store, double-checking everything that had been bought and made a quick note of what needed to be ordered in for next week. Mostly though, she was keeping her mind off worrying about Buffy. She knew their relationship was rocky at best at the moment but it didn't stop her caring about her cousin, especially when she was risking her life again looking for some big snake made by Glory. Saffron slowly walked back up to the shop floor but could hear a muffled conversation through the door. It was about her. She caught that it was Xander and Giles talking, so she stayed behind the door to hear what they had to say while she was out of the room.

"I am having trouble speaking to Saffron, I simply do not understand what is going on with her. Especially at a time like this…" Saffron rolled her eyes at this, every day was 'a time like this' in Sunnydale. Does this mean she wasn't allowed to be happy? Fall in love? She crossed her arms, not liking where the conversation was going.

"Yeah with bleach boy always in the background, she might be double-crossing us all" Xander added. Saffron had heard enough and stepped out from where she had been listening.

"Me and Spike are together, nothing you can say will change that. I meant every word" She said loudly, commanding every eye in the room on her. She was firm in her choice of words and she was hurt that they thought so little of her, that she would change her whole belief system because of her new relationship.

"Saff-" Xander's eyes widened in panic as he started to explain himself, but he was quickly cut off.

"I mean it. There's no curse, hex, spell or blackmail that has made this happen. We love each other" She repeated again. She met everyone's eyes as she said it, willing them to challenge her. Everyone except for Giles backed down. They knew what getting on the wrong side of Saffron looked like. It was ugly.

"This isn't love Saffron. This is bloody ridiculous. I can't support it" Giles said hotly.

"So don't" She shrugged, "You don't have to like it, but it's not fucking changing anything" She bit back, not backing down again. She decided she would have to own it. She wasn't ashamed. She walked to the corner of the room and started to organise the bookshelf that had been left in a mess by the customers. She was stuffing books into the correct place, slamming them onto the shelves, trying to cool off. Willow walked over to her quietly and took a book in her hands.

"Nice book, it's got a good heft to it" Willow whispered, aware that Saffron was still recovering from her outburst. Willow herself had recovered from her shock that Saffron and Spike were together and had realised almost instantly that Tara had known before Saff had announced it to the group. "The better the heft, the better the book. That's what I always say" willow babbled, not sure how to move the conversation back to Spike.

"Not once in your life have you said that before, babe- uh, Willow" Saffron corrected herself, unsure if they were still close enough to use their usual language with each other.

"Saffy! Just because you've never heard me doesn't mean it isn't a motto I live by" Willow chuckled, glad that Saffron wasn't angry with her directly after what she had said when she had told them about Spike. Saffron smiled too, but she couldn't shake the worry she had beneath the surface.

"Do you hate me Will?" Saffron whispered suddenly, unable to meet her eyes.

"No! It was a-a shock. And I wish you had said something to me…"

"You don't know what it's like, Will! I felt like I couldn't be myself around any of you in case you hated me just for loving him" She explained, feeling stupid as soon as she said it. She felt even more stupid when she saw that Willow's face indicated that, of course, she knew exactly how that felt. Times ten. Saffron went red and stared at her shoes, muttering an apology for not thinking.

"We all care about you, Saffy" Saffron snorted at this, based on Giles' reaction, "You're my best friend and I want you to be happy, just like you wanted me to be happy with Tara. You didn't care when I lied about being with her you just accepted me, and I should have done that for you. I'm the one that should be sorry" Saffron smiled at Willow's speech through watery eyes. She put the book back on the shelf and launched herself at Willow to hug her.

"Does that mean you're ready for that double date then?" Saffron smiled as she hugged her best friend.

"If you're ready to be beaten at the Sunnydale Bowl-o-rama!" Willow beamed and Saffron laughed at her friend's goofy enthusiasm, and the idea of Spike bowling. The rest of the room was paying attention to Dawn and Buffy in the centre of the room. Saffron hadn't realised that Buffy had entered the store and was talking to Dawn. She turned to look at her cousins and tried to catch up on what had been going on.

All at once, a large snake crashed through the store-front and knocked over the curtain pole that separated Saffron's tarot area with the rest of the store. The snake bull-dozed the table and all of the trinkets she had set up and Saffron watched open-mouthed as the snake threw a bookcase onto Buffy. The snake reared towards Dawn and saffron sprinted to try and grab Dawn out of harm's way. They both paused, stood next to each other and Saffron had taken Dawn by the hand to pull her away. But the snake seemed to be staring at her and just as quickly it turned and left the same way it came in. Saffron knew what had happened and she looked over to Buffy who was moving the bookcase off herself. Saffron rushed over to help her up.

"It knows" Buffy whispered and Saffron nodded.

"Go, I'll stay with her" she murmured so that Dawn couldn't hear that they were talking about her, and Buffy squeezed Saffron's shoulder that she had been using to help her get up. No matter what had been going on recently, they knew they could trust the other to protect Dawn in their own way. Buffy ran out of the door towards the direction the snake went in and Saffron turned to her younger cousin with a reassuring smile that didn't meet her eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

_Ring-a-ring-a-rosies, A pocket full of posies…_

_Saffron walked cautiously, a chill ran up her spine as she moved deeper into the evergreen forest. She didn't know where she was, the forest looked a lot like a picture book her father would read to her before bed when she was a child. She kicked and stumbled on a root that was sticking up out of the thick undergrowth. She pulled herself to her feet and continued through the forest. An owl shrieked and she whipped her head around. It was getting darker and there were no lights except the moon that was slowly being covered by angry clouds, she shivered but carried on going forwards._

_She eventually came to a clearing in the forest, it wasn't intentional, but she couldn't stop herself smiling when she realised she found something that wasn't just the same tree repeated. A clearing meant hope, a possibility to get out. She stared up at the vast expanse of the sky, it was as if she was staring into swirling galaxies the kind you could only see from space. She was bewitched by the sky, it was so big and she could see so many stars. She heard a faint hum, gradually getting louder which brought her attention to ground level. There were three girls stood holding hands. They started to skip around in a circle, anticlockwise. Their pace getting faster as they continued to hum the tune to an old nursery rhyme. She couldn't make out their faces, but she felt like she knew them. One girl glowed green, her dark brunette hair hung to her waist. She was the youngest of the three. One Purple, her short brown hair was tied back, flicking behind her as the girls spun in a circle. The middle child. The other, a dreamy silver. Blonde, stronger than the others. The eldest. She had strength beyond her size and years. Saffron's eyes couldn't move from the scene before her it felt so familiar but how could it be? She was on the outside looking in. She wasn't included in this fairytale._

_As the girls spun in the centre of the clearing, each glowed as bright as fireflies with their own defining colour. The middle of the circle started to compress, their colours all intertwined together, bathing the clearing in bright light. Then, just as suddenly as they starting to spin, the light stopped and she saw them all drop to the ground as if they were dead weight._

_A tissue, a tissue, We all fall down…_

Saffron woke up slowly, her eyes thick with sleep as she tried to open them. She didn't know where she was, the bright white light almost blinding as she managed to keep her eyes open. Then she remembered. Joyce and her tumour. She screwed her eyes up, she wished it would all go away. She was so worried about Joyce and Spike didn't seem to be here. It was getting too much. She heard voices, a whispered conversation. She cracked her eyes open slightly to see Joyce and Buffy talking, she looked to her side as Dawn still slept soundly leaning towards her. She closed her eyes again and listened. She strained her ears, trying to focus as the soft whisper of voices.

"Mom! You knew?!" Buffy's voice got louder and she looked over to her younger relatives to check they were still sleeping, "What happened to oldest daughter privilege, is that a myth? You're supposed to be filling me in on the gossip" Buffy asked in mock annoyance with her mother.

"Honey, I promised Saff I wouldn't until she told you… and now she has" Joyce said, staring up at the ceiling instead of looking at Buffy.

"How can you be okay with this! You hated it when me and Angel… he's a monster" Buffy hissed, standing up to be in Joyce's line of vision. She was going easy on her, it could have turned to a full-blown argument but what with Joyce being so fragile, Buffy didn't blow up completely.

"Angel?" Joyce asked, confused and looking to her oldest daughter.

"No, Spike!" Buffy said, as if it was obvious.

"She's happy, Buffy" Joyce said, patting Buffy's shoulder softly.

"He's killed people" Buffy snapped back, but didn't move from her mother's grip. She reached to lay her hand on top of Joyce's.

"You've killed vampires and various… zombies before" Joyce reminded her.

"I_ slay_, there's a difference" Buffy reminded her, she turned from her mom and started to pack up some of Joyce's things.

"I bet to them it's killing" Joyce shrugged. Maybe it was the meds but she was suddenly very relaxed about killing. Saff knew it was a hard thing to get over, she'd been there. But she knew, like Joyce, that Spike was different. He had good in him. He was unconventional, sure, but if she was this all-powerful good then how was it so unbelievable that he could be as well?

"I'm just worried about her" Buffy shrugged, "How do I know he won't hurt her?" Buffy asked, sighing and sitting on the edge of Joyce's bed. She had Joyce's hairbrush in her hand, twirling it around as she thought about what was going on. More stress was all Buffy needed.

"Call it Mom-intuition. I just know" Joyce shrugged, "Either way, our Saff is stubborn. Just like her father. We're talking Ox-stubborn" She laughed and Buffy smiled at the thought of her late uncle.

"I'm going to take that one as a compliment, J" Saffron said, sitting herself up and yawning. She'd heard enough.

"Sorry, honey" Joyce smiled, rubbing her head slightly and wincing as she started to get up out of her hospital bed.

"You're off the hook, special privileges for the… not-so-bed-bound. Are we leaving?" Saff asked. She must have missed something during her nap.

"Yeah the doctor has let us take Mom home, just until the op"

"Sweet!" Saff smiled the most genuine smile she had in ages, "It's a new Dawn, it's a new day! Get up Dawn! Mum's coming home for a bit" She called to her cousin, "Uh, I meant J" She smiled.

"Saff, that's old news, they decided that last night" Dawn said sleepily, stretching but going to sleep on her other side.

"Dawn, it might well be today's chip paper, but I do mean now. We're leaving. This second. Get up!" She said loudly as the two awake Summers women smiled at the exchange. It was usually the other way around, everyone trying to wake Saffron up in the mornings without success.

When Dawn eventually got up, they all walked to reception. Buffy supported Joyce as Saff carried the overnight bags and various care packages that had been provided by an enthusiastic Willow over her short stay. The doctor started to sort out the paper work as Joyce started to become more and more confused. Saff could feel it, it was making her dizzy. She had to drop the bags and steady herself on the counter.

"Well, we're all done here, why don't you take your girls home now" The doctor smiled, passing Buffy the meds she needed and a list of instructions.

"Yes, my girls. Buffy and Saffron" Joyce smiled widely.

"…And Dawn" Saff added, pulling a confused face to Buffy. Buffy didn't seem to be paying attention. Or Saff was being ignored. Saff picked up the bags and linked her arm with Dawn, trying to soothe the poor girl and whispering that it's just the head trauma.

"That makes three" Joyce said and Saffron nodded along as they trailed behind the women on their way out of the hospital. As they left, a man barged past Buffy muttering to himself. He turned when he saw Dawn walking with Saff.

"What is that thing? There's no data. There's no pictures on this one there! What is the data? There's no one in there" He shouted, confused. Joyce and Buffy turned to look at what was going on, "There's no one in there" the man shouted as Dawn cowered. Her mind was spinning as Saff ushered her away with the help of the others.

_ **xoxoxo** _

There was a knock at the door. It snapped Saffron out of her daydream about what she had seen, dropping her makeup brush she rushed to the door. Spike, she thought happily as she descended the stairs quickly before anyone else could answer. She swung the door open to reveal her boyfriend, slightly bruised which meant he must have fought some demon on the way there. His chiselled cheekbones cast a shadow on his cheek and his pale blue eyes scanned her face and tried to covertly examined her body before meeting her eyes, knowing he hadn't been as subtle as he thought. A slight frown was on her face as her hand reached to touch the spot that had been powdered with a purple and green hue on the side of his face. Even the light touch was enough to make him wince slightly so she pulled back, her concern evident as her brows furrowed deeper. He saw her face and put a hand through his slicked back hair, revealing his freshly painted black nails and the silver rings on his index finger and thumb glinted in the crescent moonlight. She noticed he was holding something in his other hand and any semblance of worry was wiped from her face as she saw what it was.

"You ready, love?" He gestured to leave.

"Why? Do I not look it" She pouted, pretending to reconsider her outfit choice.

"No, you look- well, you know you're bloody-" Spike tripped over his words, which made Saffron smile. Only since they had been together had she noticed this side of him. He handed her a slightly wilted bunch of flowers and looked at his feet as she took them from him. She beamed and smelled the pink flowers.

"Why thank you" She laughed, thanking him for his sort-of compliment and the flowers. She posed as Spike tripped over his words, "You wanna come in?" She added before she turned to go down the stairs to her room. Spike smirked and followed her down. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips and pulled her into a close embrace. She leaned against his chest and closed her eyes, sighing quietly wishing she could stay in his arms all night. Her worry for her auntie and recent isolation from some of the others was taking its toll and she nestled closer to him. She had to admit she was looking forward to something for the first time in a while. Spike was taking her out. She moved from his arms and started to find everything she needed to take with them.

He took a cigarette out of the packet she had on her tabletop and started to light up while she rushed around her room collecting things she needed to take in her bag._ Lip gloss? Check. Purse? Yep. Stake? Better take two._ She turned to look at him as she smelt the familiar smell of smoke. She grabbed it out of his hand and stubbed it out as Spike sulked at her.

"Babe, not in the house! J would absolutely chop me up and fry me into one of her famous omelettes if she found out"

"Then let's buggering go, honeysuckle! _Dying_ for a fag here" Spike said dramatically gesturing towards the door.

"You're already bloody dead" She shouted over her shoulder as she fastened her combat boots, "Stop the smirking, I know you said that on purpose" She said after a pause, during which Spike had been smirking at her response. They eventually managed to leave the house, after Saffron checked on Joyce several times.

When they arrived at the Bronze it was early in the evening and not many people were around. Spike led Saffron to a booth in the corner, to give them some privacy. Spike would be happy just spending time with her in the crypt, but he knew she needed this after everything that had gone on recently. The band was setting up and Saffron could feel their stage fright and tried her best to ignore it. Spike could tell her mood had shifted and he grabbed her hand and held it. He knew it was something that gave her comfort. Spike stayed with her for a while, before explaining he was going to get them some drinks. While he was waiting to be served at the bar, Saffron thought back to the shower she had before Spike had come over. She couldn't shake the feeling that something big was coming, and she hoped it had nothing to do with the Corrupted, she was definitely not ready for him to call in for a cup of tea.

The door to the bathroom had been locked when she had gotten out, just as she had left it. The window was closed too, she double checked. And yet, there it was. It had been written on the condensation on the mirror. The number three. She had blinked several times, the possibility of her hallucinating it due to stress had crossed her mind. But there it was. The number was drawn the full size of the mirror that had steamed up. She stood, dripping wet and staring at the number until she started to shiver. She wrapped herself in a pink towel, not taking her eyes off the mirror. She shrugged, telling herself she wasn't bothered and wiped the number away with her hand and left the bathroom. But her mind hadn't stopped going back to the chill she felt when she had seen someone had written it on her mirror.

"What is it, love? Joyce?" Spike asked, interrupting her thoughts. He threw himself into the chair opposite her, setting down the matching glasses on the table of the corner booth.

"Yeah, I know she's allowed home and all for now, but something's not right" She said, grimacing at the glass Spike set in front of her, but she still reached for it.

"We don't have to be here if you'd rather be with her and the nibblet" He left Buffy's name unsaid, neither of them knew where she was with her relationship with her cousin at the moment.

"We haven't had a date in… ever! You wanna cut it short already?!" She said lightly, although her expression stayed in a slight frown as she stared into the amber liquid in her glass. Spike had ordered them both scotch again, he said he was trying to educate her palette but it made her feel like she was an angsty detective in a crime series. The amount she had been smoking since Joyce had been in hospital made her smell like an ashtray too which only added to the effect.

"Only if it would help you quit frowning, did your mother never tell you that when the wind changes you'll stick like that?" Spike said, running a hand up her arm from across the table. His touch was gentle and reassuring and she closed her eyes as she felt his touch.

"And you'd have to love me no matter what… unless you're just with me for my beauty and grace" She joked, but only a half-smile was on her face as she nursed her drink. He snorted at her having grace, it wasn't a word he would use to describe her. Her eyes were still closed and Spike rubbed his hand over hers slightly to show that he was still with her. By her side.

"Mm, didn't I tell you that's exactly why I'm with you?" His eyes sparkled and she knew he didn't mean it. She could feel the love from his touch and hearing his voice put her in a slightly better mood. It soothed her. She looked into his eyes through her eyelashes but she still couldn't shake the worry in the back of her mind. She looked back to her drink and braced herself as she brought the glass to her lips, shocking even Spike when she threw her head back and downed every drop of the straight liquor he had ordered for her. Not one to be beaten, Spike quickly matched her and did the same, which made Saff snigger slightly as she reminded him that, "Not everything's a competition!" He just stood up from the booth, a light smile tugging at his lips as he walked towards the side she was sat on.

"I can tell you want to go back, Honeysuckle… come on, I'll walk you" He offered his hand to her to help her up.

They walked slowly through the crisp night, both of them sneaking glances at the other when they thought the other wasn't looking. Spike grasped her hand firmly in his as they walked through the streets. Partly to comfort her and partly to show everyone that passed them that they were together. He got a kick out of showing her off, even in a subtle way.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Buffy had left to go out, she had been looking after her Mom all day and when Saffron had returned, she took over. Saffron was relieved when she came back to find that Dawn was in and Joyce was still conscious in her bedroom. Buffy had barely spoken to Saffron before she had left, but Saffron could feel that Buffy was feeling exhausted with worry. She hoped she felt better after spending time away from the house without having all of the responsibility landing on her. Dawn had shut herself in her room and Saffron had convinced her to keep her company, making out that the younger brunette would be doing her a favour by spending time with her. Mostly, Saffron was worried about the girl and wanted to make sure she was okay.

Spike was looking through the large bookcase in Saffron's room. He had enjoyed snooping through her room at Revello Drive and often did at any opportunity he was left alone. He turned to Saffron and Dawn as they descended the stairs. Dawn smiled when she noticed that Spike was in the basement too.

"Is this- did you get this bloody signed?" Spike couldn't hide his jealousy as he brandished a well-thumbed copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula and stared at Saffron. She looked away, tinged pink, she had hoped he wouldn't find out about that. _Bloody Drac_.

"Come on, who wouldn't?" She eventually said, taking the book off him and kissing him quickly on the lips to distract him. Dawn made a choking noise as if she was disgusted by their kissing and Saffron whipped her head around and smiled cheekily as she put the book back in the bookcase. "Music anyone?" Saff quickly asked as Joyce could be heard shouting to herself again. The scared look on Dawn's face suggested that she needed to put some music on. Fast. She went over to her cd player and popped in the cd that Spike had made her for her birthday the year before. Teenage Kicks by the undertones came on the player and saffron nodded her head along with the song. The good thing about her music is that it was often played loud. Dawn smiled and slowly walked to sit on the edge of Saff's bed. Saffron joined her eventually and put her arm around the girl, hoping she could feel the calmness she was sending her. Spike continued to look around the room, tapping his foot slightly to the music. Joyce started shouting louder than the music and Saffron felt herself getting scared for her auntie. She looked sideways at Dawn who was wringing her hands in her lap and Saff decided she needed to try and check on Joyce or do something. She got up to go upstairs but paused and looked between Spike and Dawn, wondering if she should leave the pair alone together.

"Go on, love, me and the bit can handle a minute without your watchful eye" Spike encouraged his girl as she nodded, trusting him, before going upstairs. Saffron decided to make Joyce some hot chocolate, the way she always had for her when she was feeling down. She set off towards the kitchen.

Whilst Saffron was busy heating up milk and finding marshmallows in the cupboard, Spike and Dawn were sat in silence on opposite ends of Saffron's bed. Spike wasn't sure what modern teenagers wanted to talk about, so he let her have control of the conversation.

"Will it always be like this?" Dawn suddenly asked, still ringing her hands. Spike turned to look at the youngest Summers, the confusion clear on his face. "With Mom being so ill and Saff and Buffy watching me like a hawk"

"Don't mind any of that. Your mum will get better, she has you girls looking after her" he shrugged, lighting up a cigarette despite Saffron telling him a million times not to smoke in the house, "And as for Saff, she cares. Don't take it for granted, bitesize, her love is precious" He said, smiling slightly. Dawn's eyes widened, she had never seen him smile like that before. _They really are in love._

"You talk about her and your eyes go all gooey and melty. Love's way gross" Dawn stated, but smiled as she said it, she secretly wished she had what they had.

"You take that back! I'm bad, my eyes don't go sodding gooey!" He shouted, pointing at her with his cigarette between his fingers. Dawn just laughed but saw that his expression hadn't changed.

"Yea-yeah you're bad, but not in the same way as when we first met" Dawn levelled, remembering being young and seeing Spike sitting with her Mom in the kitchen over hot chocolates and smiling again, she had never seen him as properly evil. But she had heard the stories. Spike shook his head, feeling slightly dejected that not even the chit feared him. He was not convinced by Dawn's reassurances and instead decided to scare her, proving he was bad, with stories of his past until Saffron came back.

A crash could be heard, followed by a loud scream. _Saffron_. Without stopping to think, Spike ran as fast as he could up the two flights of stairs to where Saffron was. He looked at Joyce and then Saffron and pulled a confused face at Saff, he didn't understand what was wrong. Saffron had been shocked into silence. She shivered as she looked up again. Spike moved to pick up the pieces of mug up from the floor but before he could start, he had been knocked over by something he hadn't seen. A massive bug-shaped demon had dropped from the ceiling to attack Spike, it had been in Joyce's room the whole time. Spike threw it off him and started to throw wild punches at it. Dawn had come up the stairs to see what was going on and a scream that matched Saffron's interrupted the fight. Saffron ran and put her arms around her younger cousin and took her to Joyce's room for safety. The three women huddled close together to comfort each other as Spike could be heard fighting on the landing. Saffron was terrified of creepy-crawlies and shuddered as she thought about it again. It was a bug on steroids, and she couldn't bear thinking about it. The women could hear footsteps running up the stairs, they could tell it was Buffy. She started to attack the bug too and something seemed to be tumbling down the stairs before eventually silence fell over the house.

Saffron slowly started to walk down the stairs, looking around for any sign of evil bugs. She cautiously looked around the house and saw Buffy standing over Spike who had been knocked down during the fight. Saffron ran over to her vampire and started to check him over, an obvious worry on her face. He shook his head, indicating he wasn't seriously injured so she just helped him to his feet. She kissed his cheek and he ran his hand through her hair softly. he moved to cup her cheek and the concern for each other was obvious as they seemed to be having a conversation through staring into each other's eyes. They were only interrupted by someone clearing their throat loudly from the other side of the room.

"What's Spike doing here?" Buffy asked, her hands crossed over her chest. Her eyebrows were raised as the couple turned to look at her, they had seemingly forgotten that Buffy was in the room.

"I could say the same to you… what's wrong? Bronze not demon-y enough for you?" Saffron replied, trying not to show how upset she got every time Buffy started a confrontation with her. She loved her cousin, but she loved Spike too.

"I _live_ here" She sighed, before adding "I'm being serious, Saffron"

"Buffy, I couldn't do this without him. He just protected us all" Saffron said, praising her boyfriend and he smiled proudly and puffed out his chest. She rolled her eyes at him and then looked back to Buffy.

"_I_ protected us, _he_ got in the way" Buffy snapped, glaring at Spike who had looked smug at Saff's words.

"Buff, I know it's hard for you to understand…" Saffron started, before she was interrupted by her cousin's anger singeing her arms and face. She winced as Buffy replied.

"What I don't understand is why he was left alone with Dawn" She hissed lowly, even though Spike could still hear her. Buffy gave her a look. He squinted in confusion, but shrugged, if it was important Saff would have told him. Saffron quickly whispered to Spike to let them have a moment and he nodded, not before landing a languid a kiss on her lips that lasted longer than it should have. He smirked at Buffy as they finally pulled away and Saff watched him leave before she answered her cousin.

"I trust him. He doesn't know but he'd protect her even more, I know it" She insisted, trying to appeal to Buffy.

"Saff, I'm worried about you" Buffy said, and Saffron knew this. But she could tell that Buffy was angry too, she just couldn't figure out why.

"Why are you angry about me and Spike?" She decided to be blunt.

"Why do you think?" Buffy replied quickly.

"I don't know… you saw him fight yourself to keep that thing away from us" Saff couldn't help shivering at the idea of the creature that had been in their home moments before.

"It's not that I'm jealous, I want you to be happy. It's just-" Buffy paused, not sure how to continue.

"What is it, Buff?"

"Apart from the obvious, that Spike is annoying and evil?" Buffy asked and Saff nodded tiredly, "Riley" She said quietly.

"The reason you're ignoring every good quality Spike has shown is because of your boyfriend? Not to sound like I'm about to mount my woman power shrine in front of the fireplace, but you can think for yourself, Buff…"

"It's not that. It's Riley and me, something's not right. You should wanna talk to your boyfriend, I should have butterflies when he's around, but every time he's around it feels like another responsibility" She revealed, looking into the distance. She missed talking to Saffron, and she couldn't help herself despite how she was feeling about her and Spike.

"Hey, if you feel something's not right you should talk to him about it. You're usually spot on when you feel like that…" She tailed off as Buffy sighed again, "Do you think you could try and get on with Spike?"

"Saff, he's a pig. The stuff he used to say to you. To all of us…" Buffy said, unable to understand what Saffron could possibly see in him. Although, when she was watching them together before they remembered she was in the room, she had to admit that they did seem to care about each other.

"I'm only asking you to try. Please?" Saffron asked again. Buffy seemed to think about it but didn't answer. Saffron sighed sadly and turned to leave, she needed to find Dawn and make sure she was okay. The poor girl had been through a lot.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Buffy, Saff and Dawn had watched Joyce being wheeled off for her operation. Neither of them had any words to describe their feelings. They hugged before walking back to the waiting room, a room they were all sick of at this point. They had been waiting a long time and Saff couldn't bear to sit in that room any longer. She walked out into the cool air, the sun was setting and people and ambulances were rushing past her as she lit herself up a cigarette. She noticed a presence behind her, he seemed conflicted.

"You ok SP?" Xander asked, stopping short of offering a comforting hand on her shoulder. He remembered they hadn't been talking much. But after everything with Joyce he couldn't just ignore her.

"Do you actually want to know?" She bit back, hurt at the way he could turn his concern for her on and off.

"Yeah. You're like my kid sister, Saff. I just don't like him" He shrugged. She sighed, taking a drag from her cigarette.

"So, don't like him, but please like me…" She said quietly. Embarrassed about how needy she came across. _This could go one of two ways, Xander could laugh or he could comfort her._

"I don't know if I can" He shrugged, after thinking for a moment. He wasn't sure he could trust her. That wasn't one of the options, she sighed heavily. He turned and walked back into the hospital, leaving her there to finish her cigarette. A simple sentence loaded with the worst kind of rejection she had felt. She understood his thinking, she did. But Anya must have killed plenty of people in her time, if she's allowed redemption why can't Spike?

_Why was it so easy for everyone to conveniently forget Anya's past?_ She was wondering this as she walked back towards the waiting room. She rounded the corner and almost made it back but a strong pair of hands pulled her into an empty supply closet and locked the door behind them.

"Honeysuckle?" He breathed, there wasn't much room in there to manoeuvre as he used his finger to lift her chin to face him. Just what he had suspected, her eyes were red and puffy. _Crying_. "Did you hear anything?" he asked, referring to Joyce, but she just shook her head sadly. She could feel a wave of emotion coming over her again and she fought against it. She didn't want to cry again. But there it was, the sobs that wracked her body. She felt she was being crushed. Joyce was in surgery, Xander and the others didn't like her, Dawn was being targeted by an evil hell-god and she didn't have any room to breathe. The only person she could trust was Spike but leaning on him meant everyone didn't trust her. She didn't have to vocalise any of this. Spike could feel it. They had an unspoken connection. He didn't know how to comfort her, he tried patting her. This made her snort slightly and look up at him through her watering eyes, but she didn't get much chance before he tackled her in an all-encompassing hug. She immediately brought her hands up to hold his back tightly, sobs tripping her up every so often.

"It's okay, pet. Everything will be okay" He whispered, stroking her hair and leaning against her. He started humming a tune softly to distract her from her thoughts as her breathing started to calm down. It sounded pretty and old and it was helping. They stood in the tiny closet, holding on to each other for dear life as Saff tried to steady her breathing back to normal.

_Why did no one else see this side of him?_


	27. Chapter 27

_Saffron was walking through a forest, it was so familiar, the thick undergrowth made her stumble to the clearing she knew was up ahead. She could hear a male voice singing, the tune was recognisable, but she couldn't hear the words properly. She walked into the clearing, there was a man stood there, his hands behind his back as if he was waiting for something. He had dark brown hair, parted at the side and slicked down with gel of some sort. He had a waistcoat on and dark trousers with dress shoes. He had clearly dressed up for the occasion. His skin wasn't human, it was silver and scaly like a fish. Apart from his complexion, he appeared human._

_"Nice voice"_

_"You're late" He replied impatiently, looking at his wrist watch with annoyance._

_"Do I know you?" Saffron asked, irritated with the way the man had greeted her. She didn't know him and nobody had told her she had to be anywhere._

_"I am the messenger" He said, with great importance as if Saffron should care._

_"What? The high priestess is in a meeting right now? Couldn't make it?" She asked, apparently bored with the exchange which she could tell pissed the man off, "Oh, and don't start with the whole, don't shoot the messenger shit, just tell me what's going on" She continued, knowing this would push his buttons further._

_"Enough" He said curtly and clicked his fingers. Saffron was tired of this and tried to open her mouth to retort. But she found her mouth wouldn't open, and she couldn't make a sound. She put her hand to her mouth but it as if it had been glued shut. She scowled at the messenger, who still hadn't introduced himself. Instead, he launched straight into reciting some half-baked prophecy to her as if he was something special. He cleared his throat before he started._

_"You are three of a kind, you must keep that knowledge in mind. When the blood is drawn, there will be no room to mourn, instead you must follow the light. For you three are The Chosen, The Key and The Sight" He finished, grinning like the Cheshire cat. She rolled her eyes, not impressed with how proud he seemed to be of the way he had recited the words he had been tasked to tell her. She stared at him, silently. A muffled response from her mouth tried to form words but nothing would come out. He was clearly too excited to hear some kind of praise on how he'd done his job. He clicked his fingers, allowing her to speak again._

_"Well, at least it rhymed. I'd really missed primary school thank you for that kick of nostalgia"_

_"You really are a bitch, huh?"_

_"Says who?"_

_"Nobody"_

_"No, says who?" she walked straight up to him, their height was almost the same although he had about an inch on her. She glared directly into his eyes, not backing down until he answered, where she took half a step back from him._

_"Just something I picked up from the dream of another, no matter" She nodded slightly, this giving her an idea._

_"Does this mean I'm not the oh so pure, impossibly demure heart of the people? Am I finally off the hook?" She barely contained the excitement of this possibility as she said it. He shook his head, almost completely done with the supposed one with the Pure of Sight as he saw her for what she was. An out of her depth young woman._

_"Did-did you not listen to the verse I performed for you?" He asked, dumbfounded that she could even ask. She snorted when he said the word 'performed', she couldn't stifle it. He had heard she could be hard to deal with but quickly resolved that he had no less faith in her because of this. The powers were his direct bosses after all, and he was a loyal disciple of their word. Hence his false sense of importance. He looked at her, she was still stood too close to him, trying to posture the way she had seen Spike do to make up for his lack of fight with humans. She just crossed her arms, as if she was a teenager sulking about being given an after-school detention. He flicked his wrist, as if he had cramp, towards her which sent her flying backwards._

_"Shit, again?" She sighed as she saw the dark pit behind her, waiting to swallow her up. She braced herself this time, knowing nothing bad would happen when she descended. She landed hard on her back in complete darkness. This didn't happen last time. She felt a fine powder-like substance start to fall on top of her. It started out as a sprinkle but more and more started to cover her entire body. She could smell damp earth as she thrashed in a panic at the fact she couldn't get up. She could, however, hear the man singing again from far above her._

She woke up gasping for air and clutching at her throat. Spike tapped her before shouting her name in a panic as people in the waiting room were starting to stare. Her eyes snapped open, no time to adjust to the light as she turned, still out of breath to a concerned Scooby gang. Their eyes all snapped away when she woke up, however. She didn't notice the concern in their faces or feel their worry for her, it was mixed with their worry for Joyce.

"What is it?" Spike murmured for her ears only after she settled back into her seat.

"Vision" She whispered and he moved to wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder, "I died" She said bluntly. His eyes snapped back to meet hers. He rubbed her arm softly, willing her to feel his own comfort the way she had done for him so many times. She leaned over, a soft hand against the side of his face. A gentle thank you for being there with her. Despite the way everyone around them was treating the pair. Spike dipped his head slightly, moving further into her touch. They heard a scoff from across the room and their eyes snapped up at the same time. Xander. He was muttering to Willow about corpses being in morgues, not the waiting rooms. Willow tried her best to listen and not join in, wanting to keep the peace. Everyone was tense, Joyce had been in surgery for a while. Spike started to get out of his seat, not one to back down. But Saffron gently wrapped her arm around the top of his, whispering soft laments. Something close to him not being worth the headache. But sweeter. Spike visibly relaxed and sat back in his seat, fixing a glare for Xander instead. He then turned back to his girl, holding her close and resting an arm around her shoulder, knowing she needed him next to her. She was scared. Joyce had been in surgery for a really long time. Giles was sat in the far corner, he started cleaning his glasses at what he saw between the two lovers, shaking his head without comment.

Buffy started to verbalise her worry, talking to Riley who was sat a few seats away, glaring at Saff and Spike. Buffy shifted slightly, Dawn was lying on her lap and she was trying to get comfortable under her sleeping weight. Riley was sat next to her and watched her as she sighed, they had all been in that room too long. The anxiety was so much that they could all feel it the way Saffron could feel everything. It was horrible.

"I can't stand this. What's taking so long?"

"It doesn't mean anything. I'd worry more if your mom was out of surgery quickly"

"I can't stay in this room much longer. I feel trapped, I need to see her" Buffy continued, and Saff sent her a wave of calm to try and help as she nodded to her cousin, feeling it too. They both shared a look, one of understanding but neither said anything. Saff leant into Spike further, taking comfort from him rather than wasting her powers on making herself feel better. She wanted to help the others, especially Buffy and Dawn.

"Things might be better if dead man walking wasn't in everyone's way" Riley said, seeing Buffy's line of vision and misinterpreted it, tensing his jaw.

"Stop it." Buffy almost snapped, "Saff has someone, she feels cared for with him" Buffy said pointedly as everyone watched the colour drain from Riley's face. It wasn't so much what she said, but what was left unsaid. Nobody had any time to react as Buffy saw someone coming. She stood up, moving Dawn from her lap and walking towards the doctor who was walking out of surgery. Saff stood up, as did everyone else as they nervously shuffled towards the doctor as a group.

"It was possible to see the tumour completely, which means I was able to get all of it. So, barring complications in recovery, I think your mother's going to be fine" Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, even Spike, as they heard the good news. Everyone hugged and Saff turned to Spike straight away wrapping her arms and legs around him as he squeezed back tighter, the smile on his face hidden in her hair from the others. The others were awkward with them, but they still gave her a stiff hug, able to forget their concerns about her briefly in their celebration. Buffy and Saff hugged each other and Buffy almost cracked her ribs at how tightly she was holding her, but Saff didn't complain. She was just pleased that Buffy seemed to want her to be a part of everything. Dawn joined in on the hug and all three of them squeezed each other tightly, some happy tears rolling down their cheeks. Buffy then launched herself at the doctor, almost breaking his spine as she thanked him. He shouted in pain as she apologised and ran at her two younger brunette siblings to hug them again.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Nell's Diner was full of chatter and the hiss of the coffee machines that never seemed to get a break. It was late afternoon and life was rushing past the two girls that were sat in the booth nearest the counter. Saffron was eyeing a cake that was on display as Tara sipped on her coffee, watching a group of friends laughing together as they shared anecdotes about their day. Both of them felt the way the group was currently fragmented. Tensions were running high. Saff sighed, she was so pleased the operation went well but that was just one of her anxieties off the list. She twisted the silver hoop in her ear as she thought about what was to come.

"Do you think things will go back to normal soon?" Tara wondered out loud which brought on another sigh from Saff. She reached to light up a cigarette and a kind, elderly diner waitress brought her an ashtray over to the table. She nodded her thanks to _'Martha'_, as her name tag suggested, and turned back to Tara.

"What even is normal on the Hellmouth?" Saff offered, inhaling the thick smoke as she stared out of the window.

"Talk to me, Saffy" Tara said, a tight smile on her face as Saffron could feel her concern.

"I got another vision about the elusive number three with a guy I'm going to affectionately call fish-features, my auntie's just had a tumour the size of a golf-ball removed from her brain, my friends don't trust me because I'm in love with a soulless vampire with a behavioural modification chip, said vampire hates most of my friends, an evil hell-God is after my cousin and to top it all off, I'm expecting death-by-the-corrupted any day now" Saff didn't take a breath until the end of her long list and almost choked on the sudden intake of oxygen into her system.

"That's a lot to unpack, I was sort of expecting one problem at a time…" Tara said after a slight pause. Saffron laughed shakily and took another drag of her cigarette.

"Oh, I almost forgot that I have to feel everyone's emotions as well as my own, that's a big one. Lot of lust going on in this café, I'd advise not to look under any tables. Just in case" She winked at Tara, but her usual playfulness wasn't on her features. It was clear the list she had quickly managed to reel off was getting to her. A lot. "So, what's new with you?" Saff offered as there was a lull in conversation and Saff felt Tara feeling sorry for her. She didn't like it when people felt that.

"Willow found out that I knew about you and Spike before she did"

"You told! Shouldn't you have gross warts or hair-loss or something for breaking the _'sacred bond of trust'_" saff threw her arms about wildly as if casting a spell, before flicking some ash into the ashtray.

"She just knew. She went all jealous-willow mode, it's cute but she's been a little… distant"

"Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sworn you to secrecy. Literally"

"She's not upset with you, if that helps. Seems to be my fault... and the others will come around, you know that"

"Save me the reassurance-replay, half of them still won't look at me" Saff started, tailing off, "It hurts" she whispered, rubbing the back of her neck after revealing her vulnerability.

"Maybe we should all get together? Work out our differences" Tara asked as Saff gave her a withering look, followed by an eye roll. Tara opened her mouth again to explain but Saff put a hand up to stop her from continuing. She didn't need the rose tinted suggestions right now.

"Zip it, T"

"I only meant-" tara was cut off by Saff's finger landing on her lip to warn her to quit it. The shock between them led them both to wince and Saff had to bring her finger away quickly. Both of them felt a cold shiver. It froze them to the bone. Saff clutched her head, it was as if her brain had been surrounded by snow. The worst brain freeze.

"We should really look into this wacky coldness" Tara said quietly, hugging herself in a vain attempt to warm herself up.

"Not really jonesing for round three with Giles, we'll have to do our own research"

"I'll do some Googling, there must be something written somewhere"

"You might have to go deeper than an internet search, I tried it. I was 5 pages in and none of it made any sense, unless you're actually a ghost. Or a vampire" Saff offered with a shrug. The girls finished up their coffees and Saff finished yet another cigarette despite Tara's protest before they got up to leave. Tara reminded Saff about the double date Willow had organised for the following week, both excited for the bowling. Saff could feel that Tara was missing Willow. Maybe this was what they needed. They parted ways with a wave, hoping that the other was okay. Both were in deep thought about the cold feeling as they walked in the opposite direction. Tara going home to Willow and Saffron to Spike and his cold, yet inviting, crypt.

In the crypt, Saffron and Spike were sat opposite each other with a concrete slab between them. She had let Spike shuffle today; she was impressed with his skill. Both were looking intently at the cards, Spike had a shadow of a frown on his face as he lit up a cigarette. Saffron was examining the cards carefully, a smile on her face. This was the best outcome she could have hoped for. She looked up at him, with a sparkle in her eye as she started to speak.

"Flush!" She shouted excitedly, laying her cards on the table, "And you've been bluffing since you were dealt your cards!" She added, excitedly waiting for him to lay his cards on the table. Just as she expected, she had won. Again. Spike gave her what could only be described as a death glare. He rolled his eyes as she stared at him expectantly. Spike looked down at himself, then at her and sighed loudly. Saff was wearing everything except a sock, whereas Spike had lost a lot more than that to this game.

"Such a sore loser! How does it feel being beaten by a girl?" Her eyes sparkled as she chuckled lightly.

"Oi, watch it! You're a bloody cheat, you are! Can't you turn that damned lie detector off?" He said vaguely gesturing towards her head.

"What would the fun in that be?" She asked smugly. Spike put the filter between his lips as he started to unzip his jeans and pull himself out of them. He kicked the jeans away in a sulk before sitting back down opposite her, "I can always take my other sock off if that would make you feel better" she teased.

"I think there should be a new rule. Cheats have to strip completely" Spike pointed at her, before taking a swig of his beer, waiting to see if she would do it.

"You can't just make up rules, babe! The strip poker Gods will be displeased" She put her hands up, staring at the ceiling as if in praise of these Gods before looking back to him.

"Well imagine how sodding displeased I am! Not even a flash of bloody anything on show!" He said dramatically waving his hand at her clothed form, still sulking. She had to bite back a smile at his predicament. He really hated losing.

"We could have always gone bowling with the girls tonight, I could have beaten you at that instead" she smiled at his slight pout, before eyeing the rest of his exposed skin. She was disappointed that today was the day he had decided to wear underwear. He started to retort but thought better of it, a knowing smile on his face as he swiftly got up and moved closer to her.

"I can think of much better things to do tonight…" He purred, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and skilfully sweeping all of the cards off the concrete block while he had her attention. He leant in to kiss her roughly before she had a chance to respond, laying her back against the concrete slab that had once been their poker table.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike couldn't sleep. It was the middle of the night and he wasn't tired, he was thinking about the old days where he would stalk the night leaving terror in his wake. He was lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. The ceiling had glow-in-the-dark stars that were peeling slightly. They were in the basement of Revello, a change of scenery from the crypt. Saffron had claimed the stars were years old and she had never got around to removing them and he had teased her mercilessly. Saffron started to shift closer to him and he automatically reached to hold her tighter in his arms. Wrapping himself around her, shifting her closer. He enjoyed the skin contact. He smiled to himself as he looked at her sleeping, she had moved in her sleep to nestle softly into his side. She had risked her friendship for him, how had he got so lucky? He just wished that the Scoobies would get over it, Saffron had enough going on at the moment. She was sleeping soundly enough and he didn't want to disturb her, holding her like this made him feel human again. It was as if he could feel love vibrating through him with every breath she took.

The rest of the Summers women were sleeping soundly too, even the slayer. She must be tired anyway, Spike thought to himself, he had heard her and Riley having sex a few hours before. Must be making up. Saff move in her sleep to roll on her side, facing away from him. He released her from his arms as she went. He watched her dreaming for a while, missing the warmth of her body against his. Spike rolled over himself, laying an arm over her and pressing himself as close as physically possible to her. He slid his hand around her waist, under her clothes, her soft skin making him sigh and close his eyes. He loved the way she felt. He had trouble keeping her hours but he couldn't imagine stalking the night for long when she was lying here asleep. He wanted to stay close to her, knowing she was there with him. They were connected in a way that he couldn't begin to describe.

Spike heard a noise then, it sounded like a door being softly closed to avoid anybody waking up. He slowly moved from Saffron's grip and got out of the bed they shared together more frequently as of recently. She made a soft whine in her sleep as she missed the contact and stirred slightly, before turning over and getting more comfortable. His curiosity meant he needed to see what was happening. He grudgingly left her alone in the bed to investigate, despite preferring being in her company. He quickly got dressed and made sure the blankets were covering her. He knew how much she hated being cold. Spike then made his way up the basement stairs. He made sure not to make any noise the human ear could detect. He watched a shadowy figure leave through the front door cautiously through the crack in the door to the basement. He could tell it was Riley and he frowned and, after lighting up a cigarette, decided to follow him into the dark night.

When Saff woke up, she was pleased to notice that she was still in Spike's arms. He had stayed. Her heart swelled when she noticed he had stayed through the night to keep her company at her house. He usually slipped out before the sun rose so Buffy didn't stake him. His eyes were closed and he was completely still. She nestled closer to him, shifting her weight into his side as his arms snaked further around her. They stayed like that for a while, Saffron slowly waking up to a new day. She left some soft kisses on his neck and just behind his ear, before whispering her love for him. She hoped it reached him through his dreams. She reluctantly slipped from his grip and she could have sworn he whined slightly at their lack of contact. She looked back and frowned when she noticed he was fully clothed, boots included. She shrugged and threw on some clothes to walk around the house in. She padded up the stairs, hearing movement from Joyce's room and quickly decided she had better check in on her auntie. She had finally been allowed home as long as they made sure she was capable and all her meds were up-to-date.

"I think maybe I'll stick with a scarf" Joyce said as Saff entered, realising Buffy was trying to convince her to try out some wigs. Saff was instantly excited and rushed to grab one and tuck her own hair into it. She checked herself out in the mirror and shuddered, pulling a face. It aged her. She whipped it off, putting it back on the mannequin as Buffy tried to convince Joyce.

"Come on. Wigs are fun. We could get you a whole bunch of different ones. You know, you could be, like, Sixties Mom, Action Mom, French Maid Mom" Buffy offered, smiling as Saff agreed, brushing one of the other wigs.

"Ooo, I could borrow some of Spike's bleach and make you into funky-punk Mom" Saff smiled widely as Buffy nodded along. She felt as if she had barely acknowledged her in weeks.

"I must be getting better, cos you're both makin' fun of me"

"Well, you know. Got a lot of time to make up for"

"You have more important things to make up. I know you've been missing a lot of school" Joyce asked, looking at Buffy with worry. Buffy assured her that she would still manage to finish the semester with a few incompletes and then Joyce turned to Saff, "And I hear you haven't been picking up many shifts lately at the Magic Box?"

"That is only half your fault, don't you worry J" Saff winked cheekily when she blamed her auntie for not being at work very often, "I've been avoiding certain macho-types who don't like my boyfriend" She shrugged as Joyce gave her an empathetic look.

"Well, what about slaying and your friends? I want you to have your lives back"

"Right now I'd rather be here, styling your beautiful, new, plastic dream hair" Buffy smiled as Saff nodded in agreement.

"Fair enough, but you don't have to keep me company all day. Go out, have fun, maybe Spike and Riley could take you to the movies - a double date!" Buffy and Saffron looked at each other in horror and Saff snorted at the thought of forcing those two to be in the same room together again.

"Riley's one of the macho-types" Saff said, brushing one of the wigs and envisioning dyeing the synthetic fibres a brilliant electric blue for her auntie, "And Spike would kind of turn to a fiery pile of ash if we walked there during the day" Saff shrugged.

"I gave Riley the day off anyway" Buffy added. Saff looked up from her wig and frowned. It was that feeling again. Distance and frustration. She couldn't help but feel bad for her cousin. She knew what it was like being with someone that didn't make you feel properly happy. Until she met Spike.

"I don't think he thinks of you as a chore" Joyce reminded her. But Saffron could tell that being with him was a chore for her. She wanted to say something, but didn't want to in front of her auntie.

"I know that. I told him to make other plans because I wanted to spend time with you, OK? Besides, I can see him anytime. And I'm sure he'll come over later lookin' for a little… Bible study" Buffy paused at the end, meaning something completely different. Saff and Buffy caught each other's eye through her panic and flashed each other a knowing smile.

"Well, good. I mean, just as long as the two of you are spending some quality time with the Lord" Joyce said, as the girls tried to stop themselves from laughing out loud.

"We are. Absolutely" Buffy replied quickly as Saff gave her another look. Joyce clearly knew what she really meant which only made the younger girls find it funnier.

Saffron and Buffy struggled to stifle their giggles, every time their eyes met their laughter almost bubbled over. They'd both missed this. They excused themselves, mentioning something about breakfast as they left Joyce to sort through her new wigs. The girls managed to hold off their laughter until they shut the door behind them, Saffron touching Buffy's shoulder lightly to stop herself from falling down the stairs from laughing as they made their way to the kitchen.

By the time they had calmed down, it had taken a while as every time one started to chuckle the other caught it, they had already started to make breakfast. It hadn't been that funny, but they were in just the right mood and they had missed the laughter in the house.

"You know, if you wanna talk about the Riley thing…" She asked, she knew he had spent the night but she could feel that something was still missing. Buffy wasn't happy.

"I do, but maybe the talk should be with Riley first. You were right, I should tell him how I'm feeling" She said sighing, she stood and started to pour the pancake batter and Saff started to squeeze oranges to make juice for Joyce. There was a silence, as they continued their tasks. Thinking of their own worries.

"I miss everyone" Saff said out of the blue. Putting her knife down that she had been cutting oranges in half with. Buffy knew she meant how distant the group had been with her. She felt responsible too. It had been a shock and she still didn't trust Spike. At all.

"It's hard to get used to. I'm not in the used-to-camp yet, maybe the understanding-camp. But if he makes you happy…" Buffy tailed off, unable to fully give them her blessing. But she did make sure to confirm that, "He will be dust if he harms so much as a hair on your young little head" Buffy said mischievously. It felt like normal. Almost. Saff rolled her eyes and laughed, throwing an orange at Buffy but she caught it easily and set it back on the counter.

"The one that hurts the most is G, he's like… well, you know"

"Yeah, you just need to learn to roll with the punches. He's always had that uptight-don't-bend-the-rules English thing going for him"

"I feel like this is it. He doesn't want anything to do with me" Saffron sighed. Everything seemed so hard all of the time. She was sick of it.

"I could always talk to him for you, if you want" Buffy said over her shoulder, delicately arranging pancakes on a plate.

"Can't imagine you waving the team-spike flag, personally"

"I can definitely wave the flag for team-Saff though. I could even do a little cheer"

"Thanks, Buff. I'm glad I've got you" Saff said genuinely, not looking up from her oranges. It meant a lot to Buffy as her younger cousin wasn't usually so comfortable revealing how much she cared. She knew that she did care about her family, probably more than most, but hearing it was always nice. The girls smiled at each other as Buffy set everything on a tray and nodded, pleased with their presentation.

"Go team!" Buffy shouted behind her as she left the room to take Joyce her breakfast in bed. Saff smiled to herself, pleased that Buffy seemed to be happy to be around her again. She got started on making more orange juice for her and Buffy.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They had been out to Bronze that night and Spike had to support Saff's weight as they walked through the streets as she had drunk a large amount of liquor. Or, Cleopatra had according to her ID. Saffron could be a feisty drunk, but mostly she was soft and affectionate, especially with Spike. A loud crash sounded through the otherwise silent house, as Saffron knocked into one of the tables in the living room which sent a vase flying. Spike caught it and set it back. She ignored it and Spike tried to direct her in the right way as she continued to babble. He couldn't help smiling, she liked to tell him all sorts of lovey-dovey feelings that he could tease her about when she sobered up. Also, he just enjoyed hearing how much she liked him.

"I like how your eyes look... of course they look they're eyes!" Saffron fell into a fit of giggles as Spike rolled his eyes, but couldn't bite back his smile, "But also how they look. They're soft and blue and when you look at me…" She tailed off and just smiled to herself and sighed contentedly.

"I knew those shots were a bad plan, Honeysuckle. I told you, you're no match for me" Spike said quietly, they were near her basement room now and he was hoping she wouldn't make too much more noise so the rest of the house wouldn't be woken up. If they hadn't already. He had just been sort of accepted, he didn't need the witches to be brought in to uninvite him for bringing her back drunk.

"I can match! You _are_ my match, the _perfect_ match" Saffron shouted and pointed just beside spike and smiled goofily. He put a hand over her mouth and hushed her slightly and she nodded and kissed the palm of his hand. He let go slowly, hoping she would remember to stay quiet. She stumbled towards the door to her room as she noticed her deep purple nail varnish and moved her hands so she could admire them, before showing them to Spike for his opinion.

"Very nice, pet" He muttered as he tried to help her down the steps to her room. She stumbled her way down the stairs and started to pull her combat boots off her feet awkwardly. She was hopping, trying to get the second one off before throwing it halfway across the room. Spike had taken his duster off and slung it over the chair she had at her desk.

"Can I paint yours?"

"Tomorrow"

"Pink?"

"Not a bloody chance" He said without missing a beat, trying his hardest to ignore her drunken pout. She was quickly distracted by the way he was softly guiding her into bed. She looked up at him through blurry eyes, either her contacts weren't in or she had drunk way more than she thought.

"I love you" She suddenly slurred and moved her head quickly to look at him in the eyes.

"And I love you, pet"

"No, I really love you. Do you know that?" She stared at him, frowning, making she he really knew. He nodded and guided her towards her side of the bed and she fell onto it.

"I know it" He replied, his expression matched hers as she smiled and nodded softly. He watched her close her eyes and get comfortable under the blankets. Her head must be spinning, but you couldn't tell from where he was standing. He got into bed after her, but didn't change before he got in. He had other plans for tonight. He waited an hour, until he heard Riley leave again and slowly got up. Saffron stirred but rolled over to sleep on her side. He waited and looked back at Saffron to make sure she was still sleeping, before making his way up the stairs.

"Slayer" He hissed, "Slayer! Get up!" He said louder. She was a surprisingly deep sleeper for a slayer who was currently in the house with a vampire. He tried not to picture her response, which would no doubt be because she saw him as harmless.

"I'm up" Buffy sat bolt upright, and looked through squinted eyes next to her, expecting Riley to be there but he wasn't. She frowned and looked back to the doorway and her eyes bulged when she saw who it was and held the bed covers closer to her body. "What do you want, Spike?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help" Spike started defensively before adding, "I need to show you something. It's important"

"What could you wanna show me at 3 a.m.? I need my hour of slayer beauty sleep" She sighed at the state of her sleeping pattern and looked back up to glare at Spike.

"Call it an olive branch. Call it anything you like, just come with me" He was starting to get frustrated now. _Why won't the bitch just follow me?_

"Where's Saff? Why would you want to help me?" Buffy asked again, not sure of Spike's intentions.

"It's like you're my sister in law, aint it?" He shrugged, explaining why he would come in the middle of the night to help her.

"_Never_ say that again" Buffy said as Spike turned around so Buffy could get changed and he could show her what Riley had been doing after she had gone to sleep. Spike had taken her to one of the darkest corners of Sunnydale, where vampires and humans struck a deal. Buffy took one look at Riley being bitten, and his face seemingly taking some excitement or relief from the act and ran out of the building. Spike soon followed her out, pleased with himself for revealing who Riley really was, but he didn't get any praise from the slayer for helping her out.

When Spike had returned to Saff, he had told her why Buffy was so upset. That morning, Saffron barely stopped to hear the full story. She had just collected her bag and ran out of the front door, heading straight for where she imagined Riley would be. She found Graham first, hugged him and wished him the best. He pointed out where Riley was, and she stormed over to him.

"Go. Don't come back. She doesn't need you" Saffron told him firmly, not blinking as she made her statement. He nodded, she could tell he was disappointed that Buffy hadn't come to see him before he left. Without looking back, Riley followed Graham onto the chopper and prepared to leave Sunnydale. For good, she hoped.

xoxoxo

She went to Spike's as soon as she watched the helicopter leave. She wanted to make sure Riley had definitely left. She didn't realise that Buffy had ran all the way to stop him and was watching from across the other side of the field. She looked over to find Spike had been watching Passions intently. Saff stood in front of the screen and he made a noise of frustration and tried to move her out of the way of the screen.

"Why would you take her there?" She asked, not entirely pleased with the way Spike had broken the news to her. He looked up at her, he couldn't tell what she was feeling. The room wasn't trying to set him on fire, so she wasn't necessarily angry.

"You think she'd take my word based on my big, bad reputation for telling the truth?" Spike turned to pull her onto the sofa next to him as he spoke, planting her in place before turning back to the screen.

"I guess not… I just wish you had told me first" She shrugged, crossing her legs under her on the chair. He tutted and turned back to her, the show was a lost cause, he didn't know what was going on now.

"Didn't have time, and you were drunk, love. What would you have done except have been that night's open bar?" Spike pointed out. Saffron thought about it, she probably would have been an easy target for the group of vamps. She seemed to agree with this and they both turned back to the screen. The silence only lasted a few minutes and Spike sighed as she started talking again, he had been looking forward to this episode and she had talked through most of it.

"I told Riley to leave and never come back. What he did it's-" She started, still pissed at what Riley had done. Spike had mentioned how much pleasure he had taken from it. This caught Spike's attention and he turned back to her; suspicion thick in his mind.

"You fucking spoke to him? God, how did I not smell it sooner?" Spike said, looking repulsed. He moved away from her, to the other side of the couch. She could feel the repulsion and visibly flinched at the feeling. She didn't want to get used to that feeling, it made her feel as if she was rotting.

"Yeah to tell Riley to-" She started to explain herself, but cut herself off. She stared up at him, he had gone very quiet which she didn't take as a good sign. She didn't finish her sentence, instead hoping he would calm down. Riley had gone, what could possibly be riling him up?

"Not that idiot, the other one. Graham" Spike spat the name out of his mouth.

"I said goodbye, Spike. It's hardly a crime" saffron said, her arms crossed over her chest as she heard a low growl from Spike's direction, making her roll her eyes. She turned back to the tv, hoping this was the end of the conversation. Maybe they could cool off and then apologise to each other in bed later.

"You wouldn't bloody stink of him. You say goodbye with words, you don't mount the bastard!" Spike exploded, which she hadn't expected. She whipped her head around to face him again.

"I didn't _fucking_ mou-!" She stopped herself from continuing, "Please don't do this now, not after I've risked everything to be with you" she spoke softly, and Spike could tell she really didn't want this to turn into a fight. But he was too jealous to stop himself.

"Oh yeah? Go and _risk it all_ with Graham" Spike gestured towards the door and just stared at her. She frowned, not moving from her spot. Not this again, she thought sadly. He gestured again and she didn't wait to be told a third time.

"Fine" She said, and she got up from the chair, turned and slammed the crypt door behind her, she could still feel the burning hot anger from him, or maybe it was her own.


	28. Chapter 28

Saffron was sat quietly in the corner, trying not to be noticed by the others. She only made a noise when she was turning a page in the dusty tome of the day. She was on Chapter four: _The Empath Wars_ which, unfortunately for her, wasn't as interesting as it sounded. It detailed the ongoing debate surrounding who can call themselves an empath and what the criteria is for the main people in opposition. Saffron was hoping, in vain, for something that maintained she couldn't be an Empath, but realised each one basically said the same thing with only tiny differences. This made her roll her eyes, guessing some dusty men had decided to make a study out of nothing. She was most annoyed that it was one of the books Giles had found most important for her to read. _Maybe he's making me read it for punishment_, she considered. She flipped another page and stifled a cough as she inhaled a thick layer of dust that had been lying in the book she was reading. Her quiet state had created more suspicion than it would have if she had been speaking. The others had been looking over at her, the air still not properly cleared. She smiled and shut the book with a loud snap, which echoed against the walls of the shop. She had decided not to tell anyone that she hadn't spoken to Spike for almost two weeks, she couldn't bear them renting their high horses again. She loved animals, but she didn't care so much for the high horse.

Saffron moved to sit next to Tara, who was sitting with the rest of the scoobies around the round table they usually researched on together. Giles was walking around, making sure the shop was okay before his trip back to England to speak to the watcher's council. Saffron leaned back on her chair, checking her bright red nails as the others spoke around her. She hadn't felt the need to chip in, she didn't want to draw attention to herself.

"l get to run the store, right?" Anya asked Giles.

"Wait, why should you get to?" Saff finally weighed in during a pause where Giles hadn't yet answered Anya. She had worked there for longer and she was better with the customers than Anya was.

"Well, everyone is acting strange around you because they don't like your boyfriend so I think I should get to run it" Anya replied bluntly. Saff let her words roll off her, she was only saying what was going on. At least she could talk about it openly. Saffron was trying her best to continue as normal even if some of the others hadn't go the memo.

"_Or_ we could run it together" Saffron shrugged, she could tell that Anya didn't mind about her being with Spike. How come she hadn't noticed that before?

"You two?" Giles paused, choosing his words carefully as he answered, "Well, it's quite a lot for the two of you to take care of. The trashmen, for example. They've been making such a mess in the alley the recycling people can't get in to collect. Somebody has to talk to them-"

"I can take care of that" Anya said confidently, nodding happily.

"And I can make sure she's doing it right" Saffron said, laughing at Anya's face dropping after she said it. She realised that Giles still hadn't looked at her since he had spoken up and this worried her.

"l'm envious, Mr Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic" Tara saw Saffron's face, not convinced by the way Tara had phrased her statement, "Unless you're English"

"Don't let the movies fool you, it's not all raining earl grey and being served hot crumpets for your supper, T"

"I know that" Tara reminded her and Saff smiled sadly, remembering what she had told her about her parents. Buffy started to reassure Giles that everyone would be helping out as Giles started to make more excuses, hinting that Anya wasn't good with people. Willow started to talk over everyone and say that she would sort everything out and, while Saff appreciated that, she needed Giles to see her as someone that could look after the shop for him. She also could feel the tension between Anya and Willow and decided she needed to do something before it all blew up. She's had enough arguments for one lifetime, and she was barely 20.

"Look, G, I can charm the customers and An can handle the cold hard cash" she flashed him her best reassuring smile, hoping she got credit for effort, "We're the dream team" Saff added gesturing to Anya, trying to convince him. She could feel he was conflicted, on the verge of not trusting her. Which hurt. A lot. He started muttering about booking an earlier flight back which deflated Saffron's efforts at going on as if things were normal, her mood worsened as she had to listen to Willow and Anya squabbling like kids.

The next day, Saffron was walking with Dawn to the Magic Box. It was a Saturday and she wanted to be there for the day to prove how much she could be trusted. Not that she should have to prove it. Dawn had been in a bad mood as she told Saff about how Tony, a boy she had a crush on, had asked Katy, head cheer leader and 'bitch', to the dance instead of her and how unfair her life was. Saffron tried to cheer her up by offering her a go at ordering the others around in the shop as her second-in-command. Dawn was excited at this and managed to instantly forget the drama she was devastated about only moments before. Saffron smiled slightly, but continued to stare at her feet as they walked, she wasn't in the best mood. She kicked a soda can across the pavement as they walked, sighing, which made Dawn finally mention something.

"What's up, chuck?" Dawn asked, smiling at her cousin. She knew it usually made Saff laugh when she used the English slang she had taught her.

"Nothing, dusk till Dawn" She reassured her, but the younger brunette wasn't convinced. Saff would usually at least smile at her attempt at an English accent.

"Liar, Liar!" Dawn chanted, a sparkle in her eye as she got louder as she continued to chant. Saffron rolled her eyes, it was a technique she used to use on Dawn all the time. Or she thought she had.

"Can you keep a secret?" She said in a hushed tone, her stare showing how serious she was. Dawn stopped chanting and nodded a silent agreement. She looked around, making sure they were alone on the street leading to the Magic Box. There were a few people walking around but nobody would be interested in this gossip. Saff sighed and took a cigarette out of the packet, lighting it quickly. They had stopped outside the shop, as Saffron took a few drags and left Dawn waiting excitedly for what Saff was going to tell her. She liked being included. The wind changed and Saff's smoke started to blow towards Dawn's face. She gestured her to move out of the way and when she tried to say something Saff just pulled her to stand in the other direction.

"It's Spike… we had a fight. I haven't seen him in weeks, he told me I was better off with Graham" Saffron explained, taking a long drag from her cigarette and exhaling shakily. Dawn gasped audibly, and Saffron quickly explained exactly what happened. Spike meant so much to her, it felt like she was so alone without him.

"Weird… totally thought he was outside the house last night"

"No chance, Angel's probably in town watching Buff from the shadows again"

"Didn't know he smoked too, but I guess, dead lungs can't get cancer" She said, not convinced that it could have been Angel. She didn't think Angel would bleach his hair or jump and swear at her when she came out and scared him because he was too focused on the house. But Saff didn't need to know that Dawn had already spoken to him. Dawn knew that Spike missed her as much as she missed him.

"And when he's Angelus his insides are black anyway" Saffron said, aiming for humour. Dawn just shivered at the mention of Angelus. Saff had forgotten Dawn's recurring nightmares she'd had since she was a kid. Dawn moved the conversation on, she wanted to know exactly what had gone on with Spike. She loved the two together, she loved romance stories and to her that's exactly what they were. Soulmates, or lack-of-soul mates in Spike's case. Saff explained further about his jealous streak and her saying goodbye to Graham with an innocent hug.

"I miss him, Dawny…" She finally finished. She whispered the last part, embarrassed at being so vulnerable. _Emotions suck, especially when they're your own _she thought. The youngest summers hugged her cousin tightly as a stray tear tried to escape from Saff's eye, but she caught it quickly on her sleeve before it could fall. She stubbed out the cigarette and fussed at Dawn to stop breathing in the smoke. Dawn stuck her tongue out and protested that a little smoke wouldn't hurt.

They walked into the Magic Box together and Saff rolled her eyes when she saw Willow and Anya already there arguing with Tara stood awkwardly in the middle.

"Any second now you'll make me smoke tobacco and have drugs!" Anya shouted, exasperated at Willow for stealing from the shop and apparently trying to peer pressure her.

"If you wanted to give it a go, An, all you had to do was ask" She said pulling her pack of cigarettes out of her jacket pocket and offering it to her. Anya pulled a face and shook her head and Saff put it away with a half-smile.

"I thought you quit?" Willow asked, scrutinising her.

"Oo look, floating sage" Saff pointed at the levitating items which brought them back to their argument. _At least she was off the hook_. Anya started to pull everything back onto the table and Willow started levitating other things around the room to annoy her. Saff and Dawn shared a look (and an eye roll) and decided to stay out of it, opting instead to sit around the table to do some research.

Saff was flipping through _Empath! Weekly_ the subscription service for empaths and those looking to improve their intuition. It wasn't exactly the most helpful thing she could be reading, but she enjoyed the horoscopes in the back pages, they were always accurate.

She heard Xander enter the store and only looked up briefly when he got pulled into Anya and Willow's argument. He seemed to leave them to it just as quickly and Tara seemed to have left when Saffron looked back up from her magazine. Dawn was lazily flipping through a herbology book, trying to look up some plants and magic to go with them. It was one of the only magic and mythology books that Giles allowed her to look at so she read it any time she had chance. She laughed when she came to the page about the Honeysuckle and started to recite some of the properties of the plant to try and tease her older cousin.

"…the sweet-smelling blossoms of this plant are believed to induce dreams particularly about love and passion!" Dawn giggled, thinking about if Spike knew this when he gave her the nickname in the first place. _He definitely did_, she decided giggling again.

"Make yourself useful, look for anything to do with the three" She threw a thick book which landed with a thud in front of Dawn. Dawn remembered their conversation and told herself off for reminding her about missing Spike.

"Funny, it said that Honeysuckle flowers have the numerology characteristics of the number 3" She added, to prove she was being at least a tiny bit helpful.

"That doesn't mean anything, Dawny. Three of a kind, empath abilities, something that can actually help me – I don't know if you've noticed but I don't start sprouting until late May" Saffron replied matter-of-factly as she turned back to her horoscope. She didn't believe in Numerology, she didn't trust messages you needed a calculator to decipher. She instead trusted her own intuition. Dawn wasn't convinced, it seemed to all be the same thing to her.

"We've read through these a million times, how am I supposed to-" Dawn's whining was cut off by a large crash and a shout. A troll suddenly came running out of nowhere and trashed the store. She pulled Dawn up and dragged her out of the back exit, knowing she had to protect her over anything else. She hoped that Anya and Willow would be okay as she took Dawn home as fast as she could.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The atmosphere was electric as the band of the week made their debut at Sunnydale's number one hotspot. The pair sat together didn't match the atmosphere, however, as they were both trying to come to terms with their own relationship struggles. Anyone of their friends would have been shocked to come across them as they hadn't been close recently. But as soon as Xander heard about Saff's Spike troubles, he welcomed her back with open arms.

"They get in these fights and they both look at me like l'm the referee. l'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this ''what do you see in her?'' look." He continued, as they both shared a bowl of peanuts between them. Both were feeling sorry for themselves.

"Well, she _can_ be a lot… but Willow isn't blameless either" Saff opted for an unhelpful, on-the-fence take on his problems, letting him vent more.

"Then l get all torn because Willow's my best friend and l really value her opinion, but Anya's my girlfriend…"

"Sounds like a tough road to be heading down, Xand. Maybe they'll work it out themselves?"

"Helpful, SP" he said sarcastically, but he could tell by her face she was unhappy, "Tell me again about this fight you had with Spike? Give me the R-rated version. Heavy on the gore and violence" She sighed and leaned against Xander, her head in her hands. She really missed Spike and although she appreciated Xander's humour she didn't about this. He patted her on the back, not able to hide that he was glad she wasn't with Spike. But he was concerned for his friend.

"There wasn't any gore or violence. He just went off on one about me saying goodbye to Graham… maybe I shouldn't have hugged him" She said, but as soon as she said it she disagreed with herself. Why should she have to change being friendly because he's insecure? She'd tried so hard to prove she loved him more than anyone.

"I'd call that classic projection" Xander said, pointing at her to emphasise his point as he finished his beer, implying Spike had something to hide.

"Who did you have to kill for that degree in psych? I was more thinking he OD'd on testosterone" Saff replied, shutting down Xander's hint despite the radio silence from Spike. She trusted him, it was him that never seemed to trust her around men. She looked up from where her head was slightly resting against Xander's shoulder as he patted her clumsily. She met someone's eyes. Cold and blue, a flash of amber. _Shit_.

Spike didn't go over to Saff and Xander as he once would. Instead he just walked to the bar, gripping it in his anger. He ordered his beer and scanned the room, the way he would have done before the chip. A predator looking for its prey.

"The pretty girl is over there" _'Jimmy'_, as his name badge stated, gestured to where Saffron was sat with Xander, sipping slowly on her own beer. He recognised Spike as the one that always came in with her. The pair at the bar both looked at her, Saff had moved from Xander's side and hadn't looked over again, but they both laughed suddenly at something Xander had said. Spike growled slightly, both at 'Jimmy's' description of Saff and of the fact she seemed to have already moved on to Xander of all people. He had always wondered about them. He turned back and aggressively grabbed the man by his shirt, threatening him before letting him go and stalking off, taking two bottles of beer instead of the one he had ordered. He couldn't tell but she had been watching him from the corner of her eye and she quickly turned to face him when she saw him ball up the bartender's shirt in his fist and appeared to whisper something horrible that meant the poor man ran off leaving the bar unattended.

Saff and Xander stayed nursing their drinks and feeling sorry for themselves. Saff had missed Xander, and despite his only reason for accepting her so easily was because she had fallen out with Spike, she was glad she could spend time with him again.

"Don't look now" Xander hissed, anger clear in his voice. Saffron whipped around to stare in the direction to see Spike, "I said_ don't_ look, SP" She gasped audibly and Xander tensed his jaw as they watched Spike talking to a red-haired woman. It was bright red, definitely from a bottle. Her makeup was immaculate and she was giggling flirtatiously as Spike leaned in, handing her a beer and whispering in her ear. She went almost as red as her hair at whatever he had said and Saffron started to boil over with anger. The girl hadn't noticed that Spike kept glancing over towards Saff to make sure she had seen. Xander started to get up, evidently to go and protect Saff's honour and to beat Spike up for blatantly hurting his friend. He knew Spike was bad news for her. Saff stopped him, pulling him back and getting up herself, "I'll handle it" She said coldly, and Xander didn't doubt it. He shuddered, almost feeling sorry for Spike, Saff was a nightmare when she was mad.

Saff tapped Spike on the shoulder, he was busy lightly touching the girl's cheek and whispering lewd suggestions into her ear. He swung around and searched her face, trying to gauge what was coming next. The girl he was with looked at Saff through her eyelashes and beautifully winged eyeliner, noticing her only as she felt the lack of Spike's hand.

"Hi, nice to meet you, you're beautiful" Saff said too sweetly, trying to calm herself down. She extended her hand to the girl, an oddly formal greeting for the Bronze. The girl looked at Spike awkwardly, but Spike had his eyes glued to Saff, no longer caring about the girl he had been chatting up only moments before. As soon as the girl's hands met the red-haired girl felt a jolt of confusion and guilt. Saffron leaned in to whisper to the girl herself, "I'm the girlfriend" before pulling away.

"God, I'm sorry. Dump him, baby" She said genuinely to Saff before scowling at Spike and leaving to find the friends she had left on the dancefloor. Couldn't if I fucking wanted to, she thought to herself. She rounded on Spike, he was anticipating a fight. Harsh words, something to show she was jealous like he had been.

"Where do you get off trying to pick up women in front of me?!"

"Well, I was hoping to get off, but you stopped that one, didn't you?" He said as if it was obvious, before adding, "You… jealous, love?"

"Are you _fucking_ stupid? Of course I fucking am! If I remember rightly, you were the one mad and avoiding me!" She shouted, starting to walk away. She could feel anger and frustrated tears prickling her eyes and she didn't want to start crying in the Bronze. She started to walk away but he grabbed her wrist in an iron grip, spinning her back to face him.

"Didn't take long for you to find yet another boy toy, did it?" gesturing at Xander who had walked up to help out when he saw Spike grab her wrist. Saffron rolled her eyes, but didn't defend her friendship with Xander. She shouldn't have to. Spike knew they were just friends. Spike continued, when he didn't get an answer, "I was being helpful! I helped the slayer, hello my mortal enemy people, by showing her that her soldier boy was whoring himself out to the lowest bidder and did I get a bloody thank you?"

"She didn't need to see the live fucking performance, Spike!" She hissed, pulling her arm from his grip. It hadn't been tight enough to hurt her. He wasn't listening, he just carried on his own sentence.

"-No, you went after saving-private-beefcake for a little comfort!"

"And you just went after little-red-goldilocks for what? The sparkling conversation?"

"l mean, did you want Buffy to be made a fool of?" Spike said, as Saffron continued her side of the conversation.

"You can't keep doing this Spike! I've told you so many times that I would never leave you for anyone else! Not for fucking anything!"

"-And what does a person have to do to make it right?" Spike just finished his own line of argument again, rather than replying to what she had said.

"Perhaps you could start by using some innocent bystander to get at me, that's sure to go down real well-!" Saffron was cut off as she saw a looming figure storm past, making contact with Spike and moving him out of his way, sending him almost crashing into Saff. The pair were millimetres apart, both of them wanted to forget everything they had been saying and kiss. Spike could feel her breath on his face and it was agonising. He hesitated for a second, looking between her eyes and lips, Saffron willing him to kiss her. But instead, Spike whipped around to have a go at whoever knocked into him.

"Hey, watch it mate… on second thought, do whatever you like" Spike said, realising a massive troll had just almost knocked him off his feet. He stood in front of Saff out of instinct as the Troll went to find ale. The troll started talking about eating babies as Xander wondered whether to go and find Buffy or not. All three of them started to back away slowly as Willow and Anya entered the Bronze.

"I wish Buffy was here" Willow gulped, staring at the troll and flipping through the magicbook she had brought with her.

"I'm here" Buffy shouted, entering with Tara in tow.

"I wish I had a million dollars… just checking" Willow said as the others stared and she shrugged. Willow started her spell but the troll stopped her, he clearly hated witches. He explained that he knew Anya from years ago. They had dated before she had become a vengeance demon.

"You dated him?" Xander asked, shocked.

"You dated a troll?" Buffy repeated slowly, trying to make sure she had heard right. Why was their group of friends so insistent on dating creatures of the night?

"And we're what? Surprised by this?" Willow said, flipping through more pages.

"I mean, come on Anya, even _I_ wouldn't date a troll" Saff muttered as Spike shifted slightly at her words. The troll started to get mad when he realised that Willow was a witch and attacked the beams supporting the second level of the Bronze, creating casualties before leaving. Buffy stayed behind to help the injured, as did Spike. Saff left to help find a spell to get rid of the troll, she took one last look at Spike, and left with the others. Buffy squinted suspiciously at Spike and walked over to him.

"What are you doing?" She asked, crossing her arms and raising a perfectly-plucked brow.

"Making this woman more comfortable" He said, arranging a cushion out of some clothes for her, her face had fresh wounds and Buffy stared between Spike and the victim, "I'm not sampling, I'll have you know, I mean look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could. But not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I know she wouldn't like it" He added, gesturing towards the direction that Saffron just left out of.

"You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?"

"Well, yeah"

"From what I hear, you and Saff are splitsville anyway, why bother?"

"Because it's the decent thing to do" Spike shrugged, not entirely sure why he was helping. He knew she'd want him to, but he wasn't doing it so that she would find out. So why was he helping? Something stuck with him, his own private explanation. To be a man. Her man.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron lit up a cigarette as she tried to relax after the third run-in of the day she'd had with the troll. Thankfully, this time they managed to get rid of him. Well, Buffy and Willow did. Saff just stood and watched with Tara. As she exhaled the smoke from her lungs, she saw someone in her peripheral vision hovering near the noticeboard in the coffee shop she had chosen for that evening. She needed to do something to fill her evenings now she wasn't spending time with Spike. She had been trying to hide her face from the miserable waitress who had thrown her out before. She turned, recognising the thin figure staring at the board. She looked between the girl and the noticeboard and stopped dead. The cards fixed to the board were arranged in the shape of the number three. _You've got to be fucking kidding_. Saff shook her head, stubbing out her cigarette and decided to get the girl's attention.

"Hey, Jen, right?" the girl just nodded, looking around to see if anyone else was around. She really wanted her fortune told but Saffron intimidated her and she seemed to bring loud, scary people with her wherever she went. "Hey, don't worry it's just us. You know Tara right? I can give you mates rates if you like, $9.50 will do" She smiled as Jen reached into her pocket and gave her the exact change.

"T-thanks" Jen said, a puzzled look on her face, knowing full well she had only got .50 off the charge. The girl sat down in front of Saff, her eyes hidden by her over-grown bangs. _She should really get it cut._

"No, thank _you_!" She smiled, popping open her metal change box and hiding the cash inside before turning to start shuffling her cards, "Was there something on there you were looking for?" She asked, gesturing towards the noticeboard.

"N-no, I was just trying to figure something out" She tailed off, her natural voice was barely above a whisper as it was and Saff had to strain to hear her over the sound of busy chatter around them. Saff looked at her and stopped shuffling, waiting for her to elaborate, "Have you noticed that everything comes in threes?" Jen asked. Saffron snorted, _more than you know_. Saff nodded slowly and carried on shuffling. She could tell it was just an observation, Jen didn't have any information about prophecies to tell her. And why should she? The girl was too busy enjoying her normal, big destiny-free life.

"You wanna split the pack, Jen?" She asked. Jen reached forwards just as the doors of the diner flew open and a bleached-blonde vampire strided confidently over to the booth Saff and Jen were sat in.

He was wearing his leather duster, a red shirt underneath and a black t-shirt that hung perfectly on his torso. He swaggered over and looked between the two women, irritated that Saff wasn't alone. Even with the bad diner lighting, he looked like a well-sculptured-

_Stop it_, she reprimanded herself looking away from where she could only be described at staring longingly at the attractive vampire.

"Move" He said to Jen, moving to the side to let her slide out of the booth. She looked at Saff for a second then back at Spike. Saff could feel that the girl was desperately trying to be brave but her anxiety was exhausting Saffron as she watched the exchange, Jen's emotions influencing her own. Spike sighed, frustrated that she wasn't leaving and moved so that their faces were level and flashed his vamp face at her, throwing in a growl for good measure. She jumped and Saffron felt icy fear running down her spine.

"Spike!" Saff managed to shout over the debilitating fear she could feel from across the table. Jen squeaked, jumping again as Saff shouted. She got up hurriedly, wincing as she passed Spike and ran for the exit, not looking back as Spike threw himself into the seat opposite Saff. Still got it, he thought smugly.

"Was that necessary? The poor girl will never come back this time!" She said, staring at Jen as she ran through the street, wiping her eyes as she went. Saff sighed, shaking her head. She re-lit the cigarette she had ended when she noticed Jen and watched as Spike lit up his own. There was a silence as the pair looked at each other. Both waiting to see if the other spoke first. They had both finished their cigarettes by the time he spoke up.

"I miss you, love" He admitted. She stilled, it hadn't been what she had expected. She was usually the one that initiated the make-ups. She looked towards him, searching his face. The scar on his eyebrow was noticeable under the light, his eyebrows were knitted together slightly as his words hung in the air between them. She realised she had been staring for too long. He didn't know where they stood. She whispered that she missed him too, looking down at the sticky laminated menu as she said it. He reached for her hand, where it held the menu and rested his hand on top of hers. She looked down at it and then back at his face. She saw Spike's mouth moving, muttering something. She couldn't quite catch it.

"What was that?"

"Don't make me say it again, Honeysuckle"

"I, uh, really didn't hear you"

"Can't you feel it or something? What with the touchy-feely super-brain?" He said gesturing with the hand that wasn't on hers towards her face. She paused, focusing on his feelings, looking down at his hand again. She liked seeing his hand on hers. She could feel his regret and how much he missed her, as well as something else… _an apology._

"Maybe you should just say it… just in case" She said, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to smile at his nature. Spike caught the twitch and snapped his eyes up to meet hers.

"I'm sorry alright?"

"I don't think I quite caught that…" A proper smile on her face this time as he smiled back at her. She loved that smile. It was rare, and even rarer in public. She savoured every second.

"You bloody heard! I mean it, love. I can't do this again, I can't face the cold nights without you in them"

"It was a nightmare without you, I felt the same, but you can't keep doing this every time I speak to a guy, whether I've been close to him or not" She said calmly, "Just, please. Try to cool the jealousy? I get it, of course I do… but you're the only one for me. I love you so much, Spike"

"You are… the love of my life" He said slowly, his eyes gazed at her softly as if he had just found something precious he had lost, he added, "or, my unlife, take your pick" with a shrug as she gazed back at him, her eyes saying so many things.

"We're both flawed, Spike. You were right, you know. It's not perfect but it will always be ours"

They both swore they could hear music swelling as they stood up at the same time, Spike almost throwing the table out of their way as it stood between them. He took her face in his hands and brought her lips crashing into his. They moved against each other, as Saff ran a hand up his back trying to bring herself as close as possible. Their lips fit together perfectly, deepening the kiss with ease as Spike tangled his hands into Saff's hair. They continued like that for a long time, desperately pouring unspoken feelings into that kiss.

Both of them frowned as they heard a sudden, loud noise as the Café erupted into applause around them. They frowned, reluctantly parting to see what the fuss was about. Apparently, it was them.

"What is this the fucking matinee? Go back to drinking your crappy coffee" She stared around the room, annoyed at the interruption as Spike's lips had moved from hers. Spike backed her up with a glare and stuck his two fingers up at the room. The other customers all looked at each other awkwardly and went back to their coffees, a silence blanketed the room. _What is it with Americans and clapping?_ Not even the hiss of the coffee machine could be heard as everyone in the room felt uneasy at being challenged by the two. They grinned at each other and Spike took her hand in his, pulling her towards the exit.

They managed to make it to Spike's crypt. He would have been happy to take her to the alley around the corner, but he knew she had a reputation at that particular café anyway and didn't want to make it worse. They had barely made it across the threshold before Spike attacked her with hungry kisses, heated desire filling the room as they fought against their clothes. Spike suddenly thought about something and moved away towards the other side of the room, leaving Saff stood half-undressed on the other side. Saff whined at the loss of contact and he motioned that he'd be one minute. He took an old wooden chair and propped it underneath the handle of the crypt, ensuring that there would be no unwelcome visitors tonight. Tonight was for them and them alone.

He stalked back to her, taking her hips and pulling her flush to him with his firm hands. They picked up where they left off, Saffron no longer noticing the cold as her body was heated with passion. They were all hands, desperately bringing the other closer. She pulled at his shirt, moving it off his shoulders it to reveal his bare chest. Her eyes ran over his tight abs, before looking back up to him, her eyes darkening.

She ran a hand down his chest agonisingly slowly, stopping just short of his waist band, a gleam in her eye as Spike let out a frustrated groan. She paused for too long and Spike acted fast, he firmly took her and pressed her hard against the wall. Pushed against the cold concrete of the crypt, she couldn't stop a moan escaping as his lips were on her neck again. He moved to nip the soft skin above her chest and her hands curled into his hair, tugging lightly and willing him to continue. She leaned into his ear as he continued to press rough kisses against her skin.

"Yours" she whispered into his ear, a low growl escaped his lips as he took her to the couch, unable to wait any longer.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had hiccups. She hated hiccups, they were so unpredictable. She had brought down some water in a tall glass, lots of ice, with a pink swirly straw poking out of it. She started to play something on her cd player, one of her less heavy tastes in music, before taking her cup and setting it on the floor. She pulled her combat boots off and managed to do a handstand, resting her feet on the wall to keep her up. She hadn't tried a handstand since she fell on her face in 1997, but she decided she would rather risk it than suffer with hiccups for a moment longer. She had heard somewhere that drinking upside down was supposed to cure them, so she reached her mouth to the straw and started to sip the cool liquid. She screwed her eyes up, hoping the hiccups would go soon.

"What are you doing?" A loud voice called out, which took Saffron off-guard. She jumped with shock and lost her balance, leading her to crash to the floor in a heap. At the same time, Buffy moved to switch off the music and sit on the end of Saff's bed. Watching her cousin peel herself from the floor.

"_Shit_, Buff. You're not on patrol, you don't need to be skulking in the shadows. That's my job"

"Sorry, force of habit" Buffy smiled, showing Saff that she had done it on purpose. Saff rolled her eyes, taking her glass and continuing to drink as she sat next to Buffy.

"Well, you've actually cured my hiccups so, thanks, I guess" Saff said, referring to the shock she had got from Buffy as she rubbed her head. She was going to get a lump there; she could feel it. There was a pause as Saff could feel that Buffy was trying to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say. Saff gave her a look to say 'spit it out' before Buffy finally opened her mouth to speak.

"Xander told me you and Spike could be breaking up… that would actually make my life a lot easier" She looked at her younger cousin to gauge her reaction.

"Not happening, just a short lover's tiff. Over now. And anyway, a good argument makes the make-up sex more interesting" She winked, realising that was a mistake.

"I'm very happy for you" Buffy said flatly. She was still hurting after the breakup with Riley so Saff didn't take it too personally.

"Is there, uh, anything I can do?" saff asked, patting her cousin's shoulder, "You know you can talk to me, Buff"

"I can stop thinking about him. He was always there when I needed him…" Buffy started, but tailed off with a sigh.

"Yeah but if he was… paying to play away is he really someone you want in your life?" Saff chose her words as carefully as she could. She could sense that Buffy was on the verge of a break down of some kind. She would have to keep an eye on her cousin.

"He loved me" Buffy said quietly as the brunette moved to put a caring hand on her cousin's shoulder.

"But did you love him? I mean _really_ love him?"

"I went to ask him to stay. But they had already left on the chopper" Buffy said sadly, her eyes watering as tears threatened to spill over. Oops, Saff thought about what she had said to Riley but shrugged. Buffy didn't need to know. There was a long silence as she could feel Buffy getting lost in her emotions, bringing Saff with her. She decided to change the topic. It was important, anyway.

"I've been getting these visions and seeing this number everywhere. I think it's to do with Dawn"

"What number?"

"Three. Don't you see it too?" saff asked, looking at Buffy who shook her head, "The Chosen, The Key and The Sight. The three. G won't listen to me, but I think we need to research those three to find out what it could mean. Dawn's obviously the key…"

"You're the sight" Buffy added, and they both looked at each other, leaving the last one unsaid. Buffy had always been the chosen one.

"I need you to talk to G again. Tell him, or remind him, about the prophecy when he's back, get the research started without me"

"What are you gonna do? It obviously has a lot to do with you"

"Aw, I know there isn't a party like a Saff-research-party, but it's for the best. Until Giles can stay in a room with me for longer than five minutes"

Buff promised to talk to G as soon as he walked in the door and they hugged again before Buffy turned to leave. Another patrol that would last almost all night as she took out her frustrations on any demon she could find, leaving Saffron happily thinking about her own relationship. The opposite of how her poor cousin was feeling.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

Saffron was sat in the magic box, staring out of the window, thinking about the flowered plant that had been delivered that morning. It had her name on the card, but nobody had signed the tag. The white pot housed a small selection of bright pink petalled flowers. They seemed like the type of flower a child would draw, except these were very real. The deep pink buds seemed out of place on the doorstep, nobody ever left flowers. Not strange ones that needed to be planted outside, anyway. They smelt odd; she didn't know how to describe it. She tried to come up with words to describe the smell, but all she knew is that something felt off. She knew she needed to trust her instincts. She had guessed it might be Spike, he had been giving her small items, that she hoped he hadn't taken from the dump, to apologise in his own way for their argument a few weeks back. She couldn't help thinking though, why would he send her a shrub? She was shuffling her tarot cards while she was still in deep thought but got interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. She shook her head and looked back over to Giles who had been talking about something she hadn't managed to focus on.

"Well, ah, for those that weren't listening" Giles gave Saffron a pointed glance, "I mentioned that the Watcher's council was coming"

"And I was wishing they weren't" Buffy added.

"Shit really? Do they have to?" Saffron whined. She really hated the council, especially after what they did to Buffy on her 18th Birthday. Plus, they were all stuffy and posh and that instantly annoyed her.

"Aren't they the good guys? I thought British people were nicer than normal people?"

"I think half the world would probably disagree with you on that one, T" Saffron pointed out.

"Yes, well, they do have a large amount of resources at their disposal…" Giles trailed off as he realised this was going to set Saffron off again.

"_Yes, well_, they would do being a bloodsucking, exploitative, traditionalist boys club with little room or thought for the slayers they're supposed to protect!" She ranted, before stopping for breath, "Uh, pun not intended with the bloodsucking thing" Saffron gestured with her hand as if to swat the words she had said away casually as everyone continued to stare at her. "What? I can't make a valid point around here?"

"Well said Saffy!" Willow cheered and patted Saffron on the back. She smiled at her friend, thankful she had her support. She could feel half of the room, mainly the men in her life, not necessarily feeling comfortable with her presence.

"You ever get sick of the conspiracy theories, SP?" Xander asked from across the room. He didn't seem to be being particularly rude. He just didn't see why she had such a problem with the big secret organisations. They were cool, like James Bond.

"You ever get sick of accepting what people in authority tells you is the truth, Xand?" Saff challenged him, the familiar squabbling they had engaged in many times, "You think you'd know about vampires and demons if you hadn't joined the gang? No, you'd be just as clueless as everyone else in this spooky little town"

"Maybe I would. I could have been recruited to the initiative"

"You and what pseudo-soldier senses, Xand? Wouldn't have happened if you hadn't gone against what the people in control told you. If you hadn't been a Scooby" She pointed out smugly.

"I would have found out! All I'm saying is not every secret organisation you're not involved in is evil"

"What about the mayor? You think he was the only evil creep in a position of authority? I'd bet around 90% are some kind of evil demon" she pointed at Xander for emphasis, not letting it go. Giles sighed and cleaned his glasses, getting increasingly frustrated with the pair, "They're pulling the strings, mark my words! They're all the same" Saff continued, as everyone else just watched the pair. It reminded Giles of how Saff and Xander used to squabble more than they did help him with researching in the library when they were in high school.

"You can't know that" Xander continued, not able to let it go.

"No, but I have been told I'm good at bets. Something about being able to know the truth"

"Will you too stop your incessant babbling? This is serious. It does not matter if you think they are evil or not. They are coming. They have information and at this point, we would do well to take anything we can get" Giles finally cut in, not able to stand listening to the pair anymore. She didn't reply to Giles, she just shut up as he continued to talk. She started to remember the last time the council was there.

_A young Buffy and Saffron were walking through the halls of their high school, they had just been in History class. It was the first time Buffy had been that year, only convinced to go because Saffron had begged her. Saffron's hair had finally started to grow out of the hairstyle she had jaggedly cut herself after her many run-ins with various big bads who seemed to use her hair as a weapon against her._

_"I was kinda hoping that Dad would have time for me this year" Buffy sighed, referring to her father being a no-show for Buffy's birthday. He would usually take her to the ice show._

_"Your dad's a twat... uh, no offence" Saff added when she saw Buffy's face, "My parents always thought so, anyway. Again, no offence" She winced slightly as she mentioned her parents. It had been a few years, but it still felt fresh. She could never forgive herself for what she did to them._

_"I just wanted the icy magic, take a break from the dark magic for a change y'know?"_

_"hey, don't worry, Buff! I've got a plan. I'm gonna give this whole sweet-talking thing a go, work on our favourite watcher"_

_"It's fine. I don't need to go, it's a stupid girly thing anyway"_

_"Stupid, girly and super fun! We're going whether I have to hold G at stake-point, it's happening. I'll be back with the good news any second!" She exclaimed, a rush of enthusiasm as she left Buffy's side, "Rest up!" She called over her shoulder as she raced into the library to find Giles. Buffy's strength had been weakening and they thought she might be ill. She was worried about her cousin. However, as Saff walked into the library she heard a noise behind her which broke her from her thoughts. Before she could do anything, she felt a blow to the back of her head and dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Why did every memory she had from high school end in her blacking out or being beaten to the floor?_

_When she had woken up, she found herself tied to a chair in an abandoned building, in an all too familiar scenario. Hostage. She remembered rolling her eyes and having to move slowly because of the force that had been inflicted on her skull. She gasped when she noticed that she had company. Joyce was tied up next to her. Luckily, Buffy managed to defeat the vampire using holy water despite her lack of powers. It took both of the girls a long time to forgive Giles. They had trusted him, and he had set Saff and Joyce up as bait and let Quentin put Buffy in danger._

_"Congratulations, you passed" Quentin started, when they were back in the library after everything, explaining how pleased the Council was that she had done so well._

_"Do I get a gold star?" Buffy bit back, clearly struggling from exhaustion and anger. Saffron could almost feel it herself it was so strong._

_"Get out" Saffron stood up and looked at Quentin, who quickly ignored her and turned back to Buffy. Everyone always ignored her. He started to explain everything but Buffy quickly cut him off with a warning, "I think you better leave town before I get my strength back"_

_Quentin took delight in revealing that Giles was fired as Buffy's watcher. Saff smiled at this, pleased. He deserves it, she thought. Buffy wouldn't speak to Quentin after that and he started to leave the library. Saff got up and started to follow him, a sudden surge of anger in her. She hadn't finished with him. Giles moved from his place in the doorway to cut her off, taking her shoulder in his hand._

_"Don't touch me" She snapped at Giles, who dropped his hand from her as if it had been set on fire. Saffron continued down the corridor, after Quentin. She called for him to face her. He did, not worried about this young girl. She was nothing to him. She stopped in front of him, pulling her arm back ready to connect her fist with his face. Her eyes flashed an unnatural colour as she felt his hand wrap around her wrist, incapacitating her and her weak attempt at throwing a punch. She felt a weird sensation. Almost satisfied, which didn't seem right. She was anything but satisfied about what had happened. Quentin squinted into her eyes, but they were her usual grey again. He had only read about this. She wasn't just the cousin. A gleam in his eye as he searched her face. A cruel smile on his lips._

_"They may not have caught up yet, but I see you. We will talk again, young lady" Quentin said sourly, dropping her wrist, before turning on his heel and walking away. Saffron was left there, a pain in her wrist and a strange feeling she had never had since as she stood watching him walk away._

_ **xoxoxo** _

They were in the magic box, Saff had been early for her shift. Trying in vain to prove she could still be trusted. She caught Giles in deep thought behind the counter, counting over the extra merchandise they had been sent. _1,000 extra frogs legs, 3,000 extra vials of bat's blood…_

"We need to talk" Saff interrupted his thoughts, haphazardly kicking a box out of her way so she could step closer to him.

"Are you finally over your ridiculous foray into the world of vampire romance?" Giles asked, not finding it amusing at all. He turned back to his counting when he saw that she most definitely hadn't got over it.

"I'm sorry, G. But he's here to stay. I know you don't like it, but I hope you can accept me again. I miss you, you know…" Saffron was rarely this vulnerable, and it had taken Giles off-guard. He looked at the younger girl and sighed, shaking his head slightly. She had realised that being honest with everyone was working for her, revealing how she really felt. She decided maybe vulnerability could be her knew thing.

"He's-he's an idiot"

"Yeah, but he's my idiot" She accepted that Spike had flaws, as did she. As did everyone, including Giles. She loved him, felt loved by him. She couldn't keep going without his support.

"If he was ever to hurt you…"

"He won't, and if he did you'd have to get in the queue of people that would go after him for me" she said, realising his attitude was out of concern. His stuffy English way of trying to protect her, which she had never taken to, "Buff's up front" She added.

"I just- I want you to be safe…" Giles tailed off. Wrong choice in words, "Ah, well, I want you to make sure you aren't losing yourself because of this" Giles tripped over his words, clearly struggling to articulate his true feelings on the matter. She almost smiled at Giles' awkward phrasing and subsequent cover up for a familiar talk her father probably would have tried to have with her had he made it to her 16th birthday.

"I need to talk to you. It's about the three-" Saffron started, trying to ease Giles' almost embarrassed chatter but she was, once again, cut off before she could continue. This time, it wasn't Giles.

"Rupert!" Quentin commanded the room with his presence. Council members started to file in behind him and started to look around the shop. They decided to close it down, making all the customers leave. Saff stood in front of Anya slightly, feeling how nervous she was after they revealed who they were.

"Fuck off, you jumped up little-" Saff started when Quentin started to be rude to Giles again. Anya took the opportunity to leave through the back as their attention was turned to Saffron.

"You know, if you had stayed in England, young lady, you would have learned what correct manners and decorum were"

"You know, if you had stayed in England, old man, you wouldn't have to find out that being a posh entitled twat will get you exactly nowhere with us"

"Do not get involved in matters that do not concern you, if, on the other hand, you wish to speak to us about your… gift, we would be happy to help you out…"

"You told!?" Saffron whipped her head to look at Giles, who looked just as surprised as she did. She turned back to the short man and looked at him questioningly. Then it hit her, she knew who had grassed on her to the council, "Wesley" She muttered under her breath and felt a sticky feeling of smugness float towards her from where Quentin was stood across from her. Saffron stepped towards him a few steps, trying to look as if she wasn't bothered that they knew about her sight.

"Yes, Mr Wyndam-Price mentioned it in passing to his father, who is more of an asset to the council than his failed son, almost as shameful to the institution as Rupert, here. He fancies himself a rogue demon hunter now" Quentin laughed cruelly and the other watchers joined in, they sounded like a pack of hyenas and Saffron shuddered as she had flashbacks to her high school days. Saffron rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, clearly not amused by what he had said, "I saw your potential when we last spoke, there is a space for someone of your particular talent at the council…"

"And what makes you think I'd go anywhere near your funny handshake brigade?"

"It was a polite request, and it is a decision that we can make for you should you and Rupert not pass this particular test along with your cousin"

"Again, to that I say fuck off" There was no way she was going back to England, especially not to work for or be tested on by these idiots. The temperature in the room started to overheat. She looked at the ground and tried to calm herself down before she did something really stupid. Quentin swiftly stepped towards her and roughly took her chin between his thumb and forefinger to direct her head towards him. Saffron was too shocked to react, and just stood there, staring at Quentin.

"Learn some respect" He said slowly, enunciating his words. This was when Giles ran at the man, ready to start a fight with him over what he had done.

"You bloody-"

"G, don't. It's what he wants" Saffron hissed to Giles, although she made a note to herself to thank him for defending her later on. He did care.

At that moment, the bell rang from the front door and Buffy walked in and tried to discreetly walk away without being noticed. Everyone turned to face the front and Buffy walked in reluctantly. She looked between Giles, Quentin and Saffron with a confused look as they all seemed to be in the middle of a heated exchange.

Buffy took her jacket off as the room was extremely warm, there was no way it was the heating Giles would never turn it up. She walked in and stood between Saffron and the watchers and listened to Quentin's proposal. Giles roughly threatened him again, but Buffy held him back, much like Saffron had. Buffy listened and weighed up her options and agreed to what the council had asked of her only because of Dawn.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike was fixing them drinks, his black, patterned shirt was hanging open on his shoulders, revealing his bare chest. He didn't need to protect himself from the cold, and Saffron had the tendency to free him of his clothes anyway, so he didn't bother buttoning it up. Saffron had come straight over after her run-in with the Council. Spike was pouring their drinks while he listened as Saff lay across the sofa, as if she was talking to a doctor in a movie.

"He told me I _wasn't to get involved in matters that didn't concern young girls_" She did a posh accent, mimicking Quentin, "Which was right before he grabbed my chin and made me meet his eyes because that's what 'respect' is apparently" She air-quoted respect, clearly upset by the incident still. Saffron could feel Spike's growing anger bubbling away as she recounted what had happened.

"That bloody poof-" He started to rant, before Saffron swiftly cut him off.

"Jar" She pointed towards the half-filled glass jar on the other side of the room.

"I'm not putting anything in that sodding jar! He was being a-"

"Jar, Spike" She said, glaring and folding her arms from where she was lying on the couch.

"Love, I can't help it I'm a product of my time" he tried to smoulder, a trick he picked up to try and get his own way. But Saff was wise to his ways by now.

"If you were a product of your time, you'd be swanning around speaking like you were in fucking pride and prejudice. Just put a dollar in the jar. You did agree…" She tailed off, pouting slightly. She picked up the jar, that was almost filled, and shook it as if she was collecting for a charity. She wasn't actually mad at him, and Spike knew this as she had a tendency to heat up a room when she got properly angry. She had started the jar, which read _'Nasty word Jar'_, a few months ago when she told Spike that even though the Americans didn't seem bothered by the British slang he used to refer to people he didn't like, she knew what it really meant. He had reminded her that he was still evil, but he would try for her. The money would go on a date or drinks at the Bronze anyway, so she didn't understand why he was always complaining about it.

He reluctantly stuffed another dollar bill into the jar and set it back in the corner where Saffron kept it. He had been taking money out of it when he needed blood and smokes anyway, not that she was aware of it. Spike sauntered over to where she was on the sofa, setting their drinks down in front of where she lay. He stared down at her, an eyebrow crooked to tell her to get up so he could sit down. She started to slowly sit up but he sighed, scooting her to sit up himself – human reflexes were too slow. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into his side, after reaching for the tv remote. He started to switch through the channels still holding her close to him. Spike finally settled for a show that Saff recognised as a new adaptation of Dracula, and she looked at him confused, making sure he knew who was on the screen. She shrugged as he kept watching and looked back to the screen herself. She wasn't really watching though, she was thinking about her conversation with Giles earlier. She had already filled Spike in, but he could obviously sense she was still in deep thought about it.

"So, you saw Ripper then?" He asked, not looking away from the screen as she leant further into him with an audible sigh.

"Yeah. He's getting used to it, I think. Don't expect to be invited down the pub to get to know him better though"

"Don't worry, I can live with that pet" He said with a soft grin, "But I'm glad he's in the picture again" He added, making sure she knew he was genuinely pleased for her. He wanted her to be happy, and her family made her happy. They settled down together, with Saff curling further into his side as they continued to watch tv.

"Did you see that! That was a reflection, bleeding amateurs!" He exclaimed, appalled at what he was watching. _Scarier than any bloody demon_, he thought, shaking his head.

"It's just an adaptation, babe" She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She couldn't win. If it was too realistic, he hated it. If it was too fictionalised, he hated it.

"He'll be able to walk into the sun, mark my words!" Spike pointed, waiting for it before shouting again, "See! There it bloody is, walking out into the daylight like the Nancy b-" He was cut off by Saffron kissing him, she knew what he was about to say. She didn't want to start squabbling over putting money in the jar. She was finding it amusing watching the way he reacted to the new show and didn't want anything to interrupt. She loved spending time with him like this and she could feel he did too. He kissed back distractedly, and when she opened her eyes a fraction she saw his eyes were still glued to the tv. She sighed, exasperated that she was now competing for his affection with the telly. She moved instead to lay her head on his lap, and he moved a hand to rest on her shoulder. He started to play with her hair distractedly as he watched, and she let herself melt into his touch. She let out a content sigh, closing her eyes as his touch soothed her. She only opened her eyes every so often to see what he had been complaining about.

As the show drew to an end, Spike sat up straighter meaning Saff almost rolled off his lap if he hadn't caught her and sat her up next to him, "He's actually fallen in love with the slayer! How fucking ridic-" He started to shout at the screen, throwing his hand wildly in protest as Saff fell into a fit of giggles.

"Is it much different than you falling in love with me?" She asked, after he finally calmed down.

"Uh, yeah! Imagine! A vampire going all googly-eyed over a slayer"

"Well Buffy and Angel-" Saff started, but she was cut off abruptly.

"Jar"

"Spike, I didn't say a bad word!" He looked at her, eyes raised. He wouldn't budge. Angel was a bad word in his crypt. She quickly stuffed a dollar in the jar to stop his glare, returning and standing behind him, massaging his shoulders slightly. They had tensed up when she had said Angel's name. She leaned in and started to press soft kisses to the side of his neck, hoping he'd forget about what she had said. She felt Spike visibly relax and she eventually moved her hands to loop around his neck in a sort of hug, leaning her head on the side of his. He moved and rubbed his hands over her arms, his eyes closed from the contact and she smiled softly.

At that moment, the door to the crypt burst open and several people filed in. Spike shot up, moving away from the light, pulling Saff to stand behind him. A woman and two men walked in, saff recognised them from earlier. Watchers.

"Mr, ah, Spike? We need to ask you some questions" Spike rolled his eyes, this had the slayer written all over it. He never got a moments peace without her ruining it in some way. He lit up a cigarette as Saffron started to back away towards the entrance to the lower part of the crypt hoping to slip away undetected. She stopped short as the woman spoke again, "And you as well, Miss Page. Can we perhaps start with the nature of your relationship and your reason for being in this… in here?"

"He has cable" She shrugged, lighting up her own cigarette and Spike raised an eyebrow.

"We know"

"Oh, that's why you're here too? You just missed that Dracula show, it was good wasn't it, babe?"

"Good? It was sodding-"

"No. We are aware of your relationship and we fear that this is harming the slayer in her duties. Not a year ago she would have no problem staking you but now, because of her cousin's ties, she is unwilling to do anything about it" Saff rolled her eyes, she was being ignored by the council. Again.

"Well, that's because he helps us. Uh, the group I mean. When we help Buffy"

"Only when she pays me! Or if you ask me to and there's a nip of blood in it for me!" Spike protested, needing to confirm he was still bad to anyone that would listen. The council members sucked in their breath, shocked about this revelation. A smile curled on Spike's lips as he added, "I guess that's pretty scandalous isn't it? The girl's slipping"

"You've noticed a decline in her work?"

"_No!_ She's not _declining_!" Saff raised her voice, jabbing Spike with her elbow. She raised her eyes at him and gestured that he needed to watch what he was saying.

"_Ow!_ Bloody hell woman!" He gave her a look, before realising what she meant, "Uh, I meant, obviously, Slayer's doing great with the staking and the, uh, slaying. Doing the pun-thing, she's a _bloody marvel"_ He finished sarcastically, but still pointing for emphasis at the group of watchers.

"You speak in her defence. Do you not wish to kill her? You've killed slayers before…"

"Heard of me, have you?" he smirked, almost prowling towards the woman. Saff rolled her eyes just stopping herself from pulling him to stand next to her.

"I, uh, wrote my thesis on you"

"Well, well, ain't that neat"

"Oh for fuck's sake! Don't encourage him, his head's already double the size it should be" Saff crossed her arms over her chest, a trademark eye-roll as she watched the exchange.

"Now, now. Let the lady talk, love" he smirked, enjoying the exchange a little too much.

"You two will both be subject to sanctions due to the nature of your, ah, relationship. You will not be allowed to have contact with the slayer and Miss Page must voluntarily submit to an extensive assessment of her abilities"

"Or… don't let her talk" Spike started to move forwards to threaten the woman who had just spoken, but the men moved forwards with their crosses raised.

"I _must_ volunteer? You realise that's not actually volunteering, yeah?" She shouted from behind Spike who now had a protective hand resting on her hip, "Last time I checked, I'm not a slayer. You don't have jurisdiction over me"

"You will submit to an evaluation of your abilities, or you will fail the test. Glory seems to be a priority to your cousin, is it a priority to you?" A council member threatened. Saffron's eyes started to well with tears, everything was always so complicated. She didn't speak, she just nodded her consent. They needed to be able to find out a way to keep Dawn safe.

** _xoxoxo_ **

The Scoobies were all sitting at the top level of the magic box, discussing the council. Saffron could feel the others worry for her from where she was stood facing the council on the lower floor. Giles stood near her, in a show of silent solidarity that she had been missing lately. Spike was stood at the bottom of the stairs, a safe enough distance away to avoid further scrutiny from the council as well as being close enough to run in and protect his girl if they started anything. She tried to put on a brave face, but the room could see she had lost her usual spark. Her face was paler than usual and it looked as if she had applied her makeup in the dark or with shaking hands. Her hair had been slung into a bun on top of her head and she was wearing her black-rimmed glasses that she would usually never be seen dead in as she had struggled putting in her contacts that morning. She felt uneasy. She didn't know if she was going to pass this test, she knew what they had done to Buffy when they were younger. She felt like she was going to be sick and her pale complexion turned green.

"Looks like your slayer's 20 minutes late and counting, Rupert" Quentin sighed, before turning back to Saffron who was still visibly nervous, "We will have to start with _you_ first. We would like you to confirm your abilities by reading the emotions of the room"

"H-how will you know I've got it right?" She managed to choke the words out. The council members just stared at her knowingly and she decided she didn't need to know any more. They wheeled in a device they had great delight in bringing from the headquarters in London, there was not much need for such a machine as an empathic ability that was strong enough to read on it was very rare. They strapped her to the device and Spike had to stop himself from running at them and taking her far away from there. He held himself back by keeping his hands on the rail of the staircase, his grip was so tight he could feel it splintering under his hands. The device measured her brain activity as she was asked questions about her ability, this took a while and she felt uncomfortable as she revealed the extent of her power to the council. They stared in shock as she revealed what she could do, none of them had quite believed she had the true sight until this moment. Saffron could feel excitement emanate from the group of watchers and they started to study her every moment as if she was being given an emotional autopsy. She was then asked to read the room. _You're doing this for Dawn_, she repeated to herself. It was the only way she could keep cooperating. She started to feel the room and explain to each of the council members were feeling. Quentin looked smug as he watched the monitor, it told him that her sight was the most accurate. It referred him to a scanned copy of the prophecy of the sight. She could feel he had bad intentions as he thought about the asset that she would be for them at the council. Buffy burst in with a sword at that moment but stopped short when she saw Saffron sat there attached through wires to a big machine. She scowled and started to stalk towards Quentin, but Giles shook his head slightly to warn her to let her finish. She stood and watched her cousin instead and Saffron could feel her frustration as she watched her cousin prove her abilities to the council.

"We've seen enough. You will be returning to England with us" Quentin smiled cruelly, rubbing his hands together. Saffron's eyes widened in panic and the machine beeped a warning about her emotional state. Saffron could feel the sting behind her eyes, tears were starting to well. She couldn't go back there. It was still so painful. Everyone could feel it now, the strong sorrow emanating from the corner of the room that Saffron was in. Each of them could feel the room flooding with her emotions, slowly crashing over them and it felt like they were drowning. She couldn't go back. The machine started to beep repeatedly, and it started to flash in alarm before eventually crashing and breaking. Smoke started to pour out of the machine as it had become dangerously overheated. Spike started to run towards her but a man with a crossbow stopped him in his tracks. Saffron didn't see or hear the two people trying to defend her on the other side of the room. She was too caught up in her own turmoil.

"No!"

"No!" Spike and Buffy shouted at the same time. They turned to look at each other in horror, before turning back to Quentin and the other watchers.

"You will wait your turn, slayer"

"Enough! There isn't going to be any more tests. No more reviews. No more _anything_ from you" Buffy said with conviction, placing the sword on the table, "There will be no hoops. No jumps. No interruptions" She listed pointedly at the man that had started to talk over her. Buffy started to make a speech about power and how she had it over Glory. Over them. Saffron started to slowly calm down and listen.

"You didn't come all this way to determine whether I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives, some semblance of meaning."

"This is beyond insolence!"

"I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions" Buffy said, after throwing the sword his way. The near-miss shocked the man back into silence.

"You cannot possibly defend your cousin or even want her to stay here- the interviews showed that half of you agree that the vampire and the empath should not be together, it is against their very nature. A removal of the empath would benefit all-"

"You're watchers. Without a slayer, you're pretty much just watching Masterpiece Theatre. And without my cousin with me, you won't be watching anything" Buffy warned them. She glanced around the room, making sure she was understood.

"You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The shop will remain open. Mr Giles will stay here as my watcher, reinstated at full salary"

"Retroactive" Giles coughed subtly.

"To be paid retroactively from the month he was fired" Buffy added to the list of demands, "Saff will stay here, permanently. She's family." She said and Saffron smiled tearily at her. Buffy sighed before she said the next part, "Saff and Spike will continue whatever it is they have going on, and if he ever does hurt her, I will be the first one to separate them. Permanently" She pulled a stake out of her coat pocket for emphasis and Spike nodded, understanding the threat and appreciating an acceptance, of sorts, of their relationship. "I will continue my work with the help of my friends. All of them… and Spike" She added hesitantly.

Buffy finalised the discussion between the council and stated all of her terms. Spike was the first to rush to Saff's side, speaking in a hushed voice. Whispered reassurances and soft affirmations that nobody else would ever believe would come out of his mouth. He stroked her hair before ripping the wires off her bare skin. He helped her to her feet and put his arm around her, making sure she was okay to walk by herself. Buffy walked over to her cousin, who was leaning heavily on Spike. She looked exhausted.

"Thanks, Buff" She whispered, launching herself to hug her cousin. Buffy tightly hugged her back. They had both missed each other a lot, but this had finally confirmed they were back. Closer than ever. Buffy could see Spike over Saffron's shoulder, and she nodded at him and he copied her action.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The four women walked into the crypt, Saffron and Buffy knew it well enough and took the lead. Spike got up, complaining about the sunlight but stopped when he saw the company that he was in. Joyce and Dawn, however, were not used to hanging around crypts and they both grimaced when they looked around at the state of the place. Saffron had told Buffy that it would mean more if she asked him and she nudged her cousin as she watched her start to speak and pause, unsure how to phrase what she was asking. Spike puffed his chest out at her request, a smug smile almost lighting up the room. Buffy nodded and went to leave, taking one last look at her family before stepping back out of the crypt. Saff moved to Spike's side, pulling him into a hug that he didn't hesitate in pulling her closer into. The other women smiled at how happy the pair both looked in each other's company. He remembered the time and reluctantly moved away, turning the telly on and pulling Saff over to watch with him.

"You'll have to make your own fun, Passions is coming on" Spike said as Saff rolled her eyes fondly.

"Passions? Oh, I think this is yours honey" Joyce started to sit down but saw an item of clothing where she was about to sit. She handed her the purple jacket she had left on the sofa and Saffron shrugged it on, thankful it wasn't a more intimate item of clothing. "Do you think Timmy's really dead?" Joyce turned back to the tv and spoke to Spike as they both sat on the sofa.

"No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake" Spike replied, eyes glued to the tv. Spike patted his lap as if to offer Saff a seat, but she shook her head slightly, looking towards the youngest Summers.

Dawn and Saffron both crossed their arms and did a matching eye-roll, already bored of the conversation and the show. When they caught each other's eye, they laughed at how similar they were and Saffron motioned for Dawn to follow her down the steps. The younger brunette followed and her eyes widened as she looked around the level she had never been allowed to enter before. Saffron started to look in her own draw on the far right-hand side of the room, checking if her toothbrush was there. She hadn't brought it from Revello because she was pretty sure she had one here. Dawn walked around the room, noticing a small wall above the record player in Spike's room. There were both developed and drawn pictures carefully arranged on the wall. Plenty of Saff and Spike together taken at the crypt and The Bronze. Some detailed sketches of saffron while she was sleeping and a stick-figure with fangs that Saffron had done of Spike. There were also a few photographs of the gang with everyone except Saff and Dawn's face scribbled out, which made Dawn beam. She could settle for second-best to Saffron in Spike's eyes.

The pair eventually got bored and went to raid Spike's mini-fridge for snacks. He had started stocking more human food for when Saff stayed, hoping it would mean she'd stay longer and more often. Dawn scrunched her nose up at the blood and Saffron realised how normal she found it and smiled. Must be love. She moved the blood to the side and started to grab her and Dawn a soda each and some snacks. They sat cross-legged on a concrete slab, enjoying their snack while Joyce and Spike continued to watch their show.

"How could he give her that!" Joyce shouted at the telly, which made both Dawn and Saffron look up. Spike agreed with Joyce and Saffron decided to say something while she had chance.

"At least that's a better present than a shrub" Saffron shrugged, hinting to Spike about the plant she had received recently. Her thinking was if she spoke about it a little negatively, he might reveal that it was him that sent them. She knew him well and he had a tendency to keep his emotions on his sleeve. Spike stared at her blankly, not getting another one of her modern jokes. He went back to watching the show intently with Joyce. _Not him then._

They got used to the routine, Joyce got the four-poster bed and Dawn had the couch. Spike said he was fine on the stone coffin in the crypt, he wouldn't sleep much at night anyway. He shrugged when Joyce asked him if he was sure, muttering that he had slept in worse places. Plus, he was dead he didn't need the home comforts. He just liked them. Saffron had fashioned a kind of mattress out of throw pillows, finally grateful that Spike had a strange amount of them decorating the bed and set up a makeshift bed on the floor between where Dawn and Spike slept. She ended up moving to lie next to him in the night and bracing the cold of the top of the stone coffin to sleep next to Spike. She missed him even when he was so close and he was always pleased when she joined him. He tried to make her as comfortable as possible, holding her in a way that saved her from getting hurt from the hard surface. They carried on like this for a while, with Spike finding himself enjoying the almost-family set up. He could get used to it.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30:

Buffy had briefly explained about the knights of Bizantium, who were after the key, to Giles and Saffron before the rest of the Scoobies arrived for the meeting in the Magic Box. Saffron was so pleased Buffy specifically wanted her to know she almost forgot how worried she was about Dawn. She had missed feeling part of the gang. The rest of the group were now all sat around the research table as talk turned to Buffy's birthday. Willow enthusiastically tried to convince Buffy to have a party, slightly distracting herself by an anecdote about how she used to be scared of the candles that don't blow out. Tara agreed, smiling, and Saff was pleased to notice that they seemed to have made up.

"I don't think this is the best time for the party piñata. We need to stay focused to stop Glory. Anyway, didn't Saff ban birthdays after our nightmare nineteens?"

"I banned my own birthday, Buff! You need a break, sit back, put your feet up and whack a pinata instead of a hell-god. At least that way, you'll get candies out of it instead of beaten to a pulp!" Saffron tried to emulate Willow's enthusiasm but it just led everyone to discuss how strong Glory was and how hard Buffy found it to match her power.

"Merry Birthday to me" Buffy concluded, looking slightly defeated.

"See, you need to get your priorities straight. Big party first, don't invite her - making Glory jealous, then slay her later. Double the insult" Saffron smiled, trying to save Buffy from feeling all miserable especially this close to her birthday.

"That plan might pose some, ah, difficulty. From what the Council's discovered from the Book of Tarnis and other sources, Glory and two fellow Hell gods ruled over one of the more seriously unpleasant demon dimensions-" Giles started, quickly cut off by the others in the group. Saffron turned to her pack of tarot cards, they were only repeating things she already knew. Tara shouted in confusion that Glory was a brain-sucker which meant Saff dropped her pack over the floor. She sighed, giving Tara a look, which just made the other brunette shrug. Tara was used to her friend's glares. Saff knelt to pick up her cards and noticed only one had turned over to face upwards. _Two of Swords_. She picked it up, inspecting it closely as the debate surrounded her. _There is confusion surrounding this plight, the problem nor the solution is clear to see. Remove the blindfold and the shackles shall follow. Let them see, it will only benefit the three._ She knew that this must mean about letting the others know about Dawn. Considering the current conversation, she wasn't sure it could be anything else. But it wasn't her decision to make, she had already gone behind Buffy's back by telling Tara. She decided to talk to Buffy after the meeting, try to explain what the cards had told her. Saffron scrambled to pick up all of her cards and moved back to her chair, listening back into the conversation.

"This is great long-term-planny stuff, but what about this Key thingy Glory's lookin' for?" Xander finally said what half the room had been thinking. Saff could feel the uncertainty in the room. They could all feel that they hadn't been clued into everything. The voice kept circling around saff's mind, but she didn't speak up as the others continued their debate.

"Yeah. Shouldn't we try to find it before she does?"

"I don't think we should worry about that"

"Nah, we don't need to go out looking, I'm sure it'll just turn up all by itself" Saff said slowly, not sure what the right response was. Buffy shot her a death glare, clearly she had picked the wrong response. Tara looked awkwardly around the room, anywhere but at the others as she tried to keep her mouth shut. She had found it so hard not to talk to Willow about all of it.

"They've got a point. Whatever Glory's planning on opening with the Key, I'm guessing it won't be filled with candy and flowers. So where should we look? Do we know where it used to be kept? Who saw it last?"

"We did. Giles, Saff and me. We know where it is-" Buffy said quickly, trying to put them off asking about the key.

"You know, and you didn't tell us?" Willow asked, and the people that knew looked awkwardly around the room. They started squabbling about not being clued in and Buffy finally came to a decision.

"It's time" Buffy finally decided. At least now Saff didn't have to feel guilty about revealing it herself. The cards got what they wanted and so did Buffy.

"Are you sure?"

"They'll be risking their lives. They deserve to know"

"It's about fucking time" Saff muttered, watching the room as Buffy tried to form the words to explain what Saffron already knew.

"Know what?"

"There's something that you need to know about Dawn…" Buffy paused in a fashion that would rival presenters in the final round of game shows.

"She's the key" Saff stated, finding the tension unbearable. She gave Tara a look to make sure she didn't let on she knew about this too. Everyone was reeling after the revelation as Buffy and Giles explained everything. Saff couldn't speak much, the big spike in emotions was hard for her to handle at once.

After the meeting was over, Giles walked over to Saffron who was staring blankly at the wall trying her best to block out all the confusion and tension that was still thick in the room. Everyone started to leave as Giles put a hand on Saff's shoulder, making her jump. She looked up and rubbed her eyes slightly. She felt so tired.

"Saffron, can I speak with you a moment? Buffy has been explaining to me about your visions concerning the, ah, elusive three which may help us with Dawn"

"Oh right. Yeah, I think there's a reason we're connected. We each have a job, I think, but fish-features is vague on the uptake"

"Ah, fish-features?" Giles coughed in surprise and tried not to laugh out loud.

"Yeah, jumped up little scaly vision guide that enjoys sending me to my death at the end of his precious recitals" She said, still annoyed about dying in the vision. Giles didn't comment on what she said, instead remembering something else.

"Ah, we must also discuss your prophecy. It is not unlikely that the Corrupted could strike whilst we are distracted with Glory. We need you to be prepared"

"I'd almost forgot I even had a destiny, my stuff's kinda been on the back burner, huh?"

"Yes, well, I had my doubts that you could be the True Sight considering how blinded you have been by this infatuation" He couldn't stop himself from saying it. He was coming back around to Saff, but he was still firm in his belief that Spike wasn't good for her.

"G, will you give it a fucking rest? I've not changed, I'm still me just with more attractive arm candy" Saff winked as Giles sighed audibly and started to wipe his glasses for something to do. His mouth twitched slightly as he had to admit that he was slightly amused with her phrasing. She reminded him of himself, trying to do the right thing in the midst of having a rebellious frame of mind. He didn't want her to make the type of choices he did when he was Ripper. He was fond of her and he wished he could protect her. Not that he'd ever tell her that, she'd start ranting about not being some delicate flower that needed protecting. This thought made his mouth twitch again as he replaced his glasses back onto his face. Saff reached into her pocket, seeing her chance whilst she could feel that Giles was in a much better mood with her. She pulled out a dried cutting of a pink flower. It was the one that had been delivered to her door some weeks ago now. She held it in front of Giles as she explained, "I, uh, got these flowers at the door a while ago. Well, I think they're for me"

"I don't need to know... You and your private life, uh, is none of my business as you have so firmly put it" He replied, not ready to hear about relationship details between her and spike. She smiled at him, rolling her eyes at his tone.

"No, G. I mean someone I don't know left them to me, I think they must mean something, but I don't know anything about flowers" She pulled her best puppy-dog face to convince him, one that she rarely brought out. But it seemed to work. Giles took it from her hands, nodded once and turned to consult his precious books. Saff sighed a giant breath of relief as she felt Giles seemingly relax in her presence for what felt like the first time in a long time.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Willow and Tara were pouring sand outside of the magic box, murmuring incantations as Saff and Dawn walked over to them. Saff had started to walk Dawn home from school, knowing that Buffy could relax knowing someone was keeping an eye on her. And who better than 'the true sight' herself for the job? Dawn tried to stay with the girls to help with the spell but willow had already started staring, fascinated with Dawn, looking for any hint she was a mystical key. Saff pulled Dawn towards the entrance of the shop, shooting Willow a look as she stepped in.

When they entered, they almost crashed into Anya and Xander who had been watching them talk to the witches outside. They started pretending to read, although Xander's book was upside down. Xander started to tickle Dawn, checking she was real, as saff sent another glare flying across the room.

"You make a very pretty little girl!" Anya said loudly, as some of the customers looked up in confusion.

"Will you bloody cool it!?" Saff hissed at the pair, hoping Dawn hadn't heard. The pair looked slightly embarrassed, _"Fucking useless, the lot of them"_ Saff muttered to herself, as she steered Dawn back to the front of the store and snapped the curtains closed, obviously frustrated about something. She turned back to Dawn and smiled warmly, hoping she wouldn't ask. She could feel Dawn knew something was up, but hoped she would just leave it. Saff hadn't noticed that Dawn had seen Giles' notebook that he locked up under the counter and had already started making plans to read it, "Why don't we do each other a reading? I usually charge $10, but since you're family… it'll be $15" She said, her eyes glinting mischievously as she held her palm out, as if she was waiting impatiently for her money.

"This… is all I have" Dawn reached into her pocket, producing two individually wrapped sweets and a crystal that Saffron had given her for luck two years ago. _Wait, two years ago?_ Saffron inspected the crystal. It feels real, she thought, resisting the urge to bite it to check, like she'd seen people do with coins in movies. How could she have given her this if she wasn't there two years ago?

"What are these? Toffees? How old are you? 80?" Saff said, putting the candy in her pocket and pressing the crystal back into Dawn's hand. Dawn stuck her tongue out and Saffron started to shuffle the cards with an expert flourish. She asked Dawn the usual questions, deciding she needed to take two cards from the pack. Dawn split the pack and chose a card from each cut. She placed them face up in front of her.

"Ah" Saff put her fingers to her temples and closed her eyes, "_I see… so many… things… big, big things…._" She started to move her hands around as if she was consulting an invisible crystal ball and Dawn shouted at her to quit it.

"You've never done a reading like this!"

"You're right, I usually save that for the special customers… I'll do you a normal one if you like" She said, still smiling. Dawn rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, emulating her sister as she waited for Saff to be serious and do it properly.

"So, it's the _High priestess_. It's-"

"Major Arcana" Dawn cut in, guessing what Saff was about to say. Saff smiled, impressed she remembered, "What, you never shut up about the cups and the major arcana… the wands!" She listed them off and Saff smiled even wider.

"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, High priestess. T_his represents a feminine energy surrounding you. When the veil between you and the other world is thin, you have the opportunity to access the knowledge deep within your soul. There will be a heightened intuitive ability, trust it. Don't turn from it._ And the lucky number _Three of pentacles_. _See the value of different ideas and levels of experience in collaboration, you are stronger as a collective. More than two, less than four. Implement your plans with care, the finish line is neither near nor far_."

"Cool" Dawn shrugged and gathered the pack up, adding her cards in and started to shuffle. She dropped a few cards but she was doing well, "Split the pack, Saff… _Sweet_, is there anything particular you wanna ask?" Dawn did her best imitation of her older cousin. Saff just smiled at her cousin.

"What will my future bring?"

"Remember, tarot isn't an exact science, listen to your own intuition as you draw your cards" Dawn said, copying something Saff had said word-for-word on many occasions. Saff looked at the girl and pulled a face, but cut the pack and chose her two laying them face down on the

"Would you like to do the honours, _oh intuitive one?_" Saff asked and watched as Dawn turned both cards over carefully. The cards revealed _The high priestess_ and _The three of pentacles_. The girls looked up from the table and at each other, their eyes wide, "What did I tell you about shuffling, Dawn of time?" Saff said quickly, rolling her eyes for good measure. She brushed it off as a coincidence and picked up the cards and started to shuffle again, as if to demonstrate. But Saff didn't believe in coincidences. She heard the same voice in her head, with the same message.

Giles walked over to Saff as she continued to shuffle well, ringing his hands. He stopped in front of her and started to quickly reveal what he had found from the plant clipping she had asked him to help her identify.

"Your plant, it's _Nerium Oleander_. It doesn't appear to have any magical properties and apart from the fact that they are incredibly poisonous, all parts of the plant are considered highly toxic and can cause death, there is not much I can, ah, tell you about them. I have disposed of the cutting and I suggest you wash your hands thoroughly" He said plainly, still rubbing his own hands after washing them several times, "Oh, ah, they do have a meaning. In Victorian England, they were to signify _caution_…"

"So, it's a warning maybe? Or someone wants me straight up dead" She sighed and thought it over, not liking either of her own suggestions. Another idea popped into her head. One that was less scary than someone wishing her dead, "I bet it was just fucking Spike. Probably couldn't nick a honeysuckle so he went for the next best thing" She whispered loudly, but only Dawn had heard her. Giles had already been sidetracked by another customer. She rolled her eyes, annoyed that she had probably wasted Giles' time on the plant.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was in the kitchen, looking for a decent drink when someone came up behind her, pressing their body into hers. She smiled and rolled her eyes, knowing exactly who it was. He snaked his arms around her waist and she closed her eyes at the sensation. She liked the contact. She liked being with him. Her eyes only opened when she felt his hands wondering down her body. Exploring curves he knew like the back of his hand. She turned, still in his grip to face him. Planting a soft kiss on his lips, giving him a look that said 'not here'. Usually, he wouldn't be put off by the look, knowing when she really meant it, but they were quickly interrupted by Buffy walking into the kitchen. Saff smiled, moving slightly from the intimate position but not leaving his side as she spoke to her cousin. She looked down sheepishly, she could feel Buffy's heartbreak still and she wished that she could help mend her cousin's heart.

"Buff? Can I do you a Birthday reading?" She asked suddenly, waving the tarot pack in front of her and looking up at her cousin. Buffy seemed to light up at the idea, she smiled one of the first genuine smiles that Saff had seen from her in ages. She grabbed Buffy's hand, a jolt of electricity buzzed between them as she pulled her to sit across from her. They sat at the table and Saff started to shuffle her cards as usual. Spike moved to the corner, not wanting to have to sit with the others and pretend to care about them. He watched his girl, she was so good at what she did.

"How about a two-card trick, it's special, since it's your birthday and all?" Saff asked, knowing Buffy wouldn't catch onto her white lie.

"You know I still expect a real present, right?"

"And you'll be getting one, don't get your knickers in a twist"

"Should you be talking about… _knickers_ when you're doing tarot?" Buffy asked and Saff sniggered as she said knickers, it was always weird coming from her mouth. Spike shook his head at the slayer, rolling his eyes.

"The cards aren't as easily offended as your fragile ears, Buff" Saff smiled and held the pack out for Buffy to split. Buffy rolled her eyes, she hadn't been offended and Saff had known it but insisted on teasing her. She reached and split the pack, carefully choosing two cards and Saffron flipped them face-up onto the table in front of her._ I knew it_, she exclaimed in her head.

"So, your cards are _The high priestess_ and _The three of pentacles_…" Saffron started, reciting the same explanation that the intuitive voice spoke to her each time the cards had been pulled for them. When she had finished Buffy nodded and thanked her for the reading and Saff offered her a hug. Buffy was caught off guard but accepted her cousin's hug.

It was eventually time for presents and everyone gathered in the living room. Saff held Spike's hand with a slight squeeze despite some of the glances she was still getting from Giles and Xander. Spike was starting to relax slightly, being with the group had him on edge. One wrong move and he was dust. But having her there, knowing she wanted him there made him almost happy to be spending his evening in the company of the slayer. Almost. Dawn gave Buffy a picture frame of the three girls at the beach, decorated with shells. It made Saff tear up and Spike wasn't sure why everyone went quiet. He rubbed his hand over Saff's arm, whispering something so soft that it would shock the group into statues if they had heard. He hated seeing her sad. Saff's gift for her cousin wasn't so meaningful, it was a selection of nail varnish and lip gloss that Buffy had wanted but decided to spend her money on stake-whittling tools instead. She had complained for a month, so Saff bought her all the colours she thought Buffy would like. She needed to take time for herself and Buffy smiled brightly at the gift. Then, it got weird. Spike stood up looking around and sighing, handing a badly wrapped object to the slayer. He didn't look in her eyes as hers bulged, unsure what to do. She took it cautiously as Spike sat back down and Saff smiled, a comforting hand on his shoulder. He rolled his eyes, only looking at her. He didn't want to look at the Slayer who was still staring unconvinced at the gift in her lap. She eventually opened it to reveal a sturdy mace.

"Oh, um, thanks Spike" She said, placing it on the floor carefully.

"I thought, you know, for the slaying" He made a clubbing movement as if he was about to hit something with an imaginary mace before adding, "No one should leave the house without one" Spike shrugged, crossing his arms, acting indifferent as he wasn't sure why he seemed so eager to talk up his present. Saff, once again, smiled warmly at him and stroked her hand up and down his back comfortingly. She was giving him that look again. He revelled in it, her eyes glistening. She was proud, and that made it worth it. She could feel how tense he had been, and she appreciated that he had come for her. She loved this man, with all of her heart and the rest of the room was starting to believe it too.

When Saff left briefly to get herself a double-shot of alcohol, seeing as she was celebrating, Buffy moved to make sure Spike understood her. She leaned in, giving her most menacing look, one that he had seen before when he was that year's big bad. Or he told himself he had been that years big bad, conveniently forgetting how threatened everyone was by Angelus.

"I'm doing this for her" Buffy hissed, making sure that Spike knew she was the only reason he was allowed in.

"Yeah? You and me both, Slayer" Spike shrugged, glad they understood each other as Saffron walked back in with her drink, handing him one that she pretended was cranberry to Xander when he asked. He noticed Willow and Tara and noticed that Willow couldn't stop looking at Dawn who was dancing around excitedly in the middle of the room. He frowned as he observed them, but had let it slide as Saff came into view, kissing him on the cheek. She was now sat on the sofa sipping from a pink straw so it didn't ruin her party makeup. He sat down close to her, putting an arm around her pleased that they could have this kind of contact now without earning himself a hole in his chest.

"Why is everyone staring at the bit?" Spike said in a hushed tone to Saffron, Saffron turned to him and opened her mouth to explain but someone started to call her name from the kitchen. She rushed in, Spike behind her as she was asked to help cut up the cake and serve it up. She took a stack of plates and looked around for the good knife to cut the cake with. Spike leaned against the kitchen counter and watched his girl, wondering what could make everyone so weird around the nibblet. Tara wondered in, offering her help and Saff happily nodded.

Saffron could feel Dawn starting to become agitated, but she couldn't get into the room in time to see what was going on. She was busy cutting up cake and arranging slices on the plates. She heard Dawn shouting, which is what made her hurriedly enter the living room with Tara and Spike close behind her.

"Fine, I'll just go to bed! That way I won't get exposed to, like, words!" Dawn dramatically shouted before storming up the stairs. Everyone looked around awkwardly, as there was a slam from a door upstairs. Nobody knew what to do and Spike was confused when nobody went after her straight away. Saff saw his expression and started to explain, but Spike cut her off. He decided he'd have to bloody do it.

"Don't worry, Honey. I'll go after the bit" Spike said, nodding that it was okay. He could tell she was really worried. Saff trusted him, him and Dawn had an understanding and she guessed Dawn might open up to him. She talked Buffy and the others down as Spike went up to speak to Dawn. Spike listened to the girl ranting, lighting up a cigarette. She mentioned running away. Breaking into buildings. She mentioned a book that she thought might tell her more about what was going on. She wasn't stupid.

"Is there something wrong with me? Why is everyone acting like I'm some robot!"

"Let's find out" Spike finally said, opening the window and gesturing with his hand for her to go out first, as if he was being a gentleman.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff was smoking outside, she didn't know what Spike and Dawn were talking about upstairs but they had been a really long time. She stopped herself from following them, knowing that Spike and Dawn had a weird connection she thought better than interrupting. She inhaled and stared into the bleak night. No stars were out and it was eerily quiet. The type of quiet that screams out that something was coming. The creepy calm before the storm. She finished her cigarette and stubbed it out, turning to enter the front door when she noticed Xander slipping out of it, needing some air.

"Sorry, I'm in your way, I'll go back in" Saff said, not quite knowing where she stood with her best friend.

"Hey, are you ill? That was mucho kindness. It's giving me the wig" Xander joked, moving to stand next to Saff as she turned to look back at the night. _Lot of that going around_, she thought.

"I'm nice. I've got this whole heart of the world thing going for me, didn't you hear?"

"Heard yeah, but seeing is believing"

"And you don't see my caring, yet I-don't-give-a-fuck nature?" she raised an eyebrow before smiling, "I'm not some two-dimensional you roll the dice and either land on the good or evil and you get a certain set of traits"

"I know, but it's so much easier when that's the case" Xander smiled at his friend. He missed her.

"That why you like comics so much?" She asked, taking another cigarette out of her pack.

"Well, you can tell the bad guy's coming because he smokes" He said, offering his lighter for her. She smiled and lit up her cigarette as he flicked it and lit the flame. She grinned, this was the easiest conversation they'd had since he'd found out about Spike. There was a pause, they both stared out into the night again and Xander shifted awkwardly as he thought about how to word what he was going to say next.

"I love you…" Xander said quickly. Saff had taken a long drag on her cigarette and her eyes widened as she started to choke on the smoke at his revelation, "…like a sister! I love you like a sister!" Xander amended, thumping her back to subside the coughing.

"Well, I love you too, _Alexander,_ obviously" She managed to choke out between coughs. Xander smiled and rested a friendly hand on her shoulder.

"I don't want to be stuck with the missing my best friend just because you're hanging around Captain Peroxide" He added, "I reserve the right to stake him if he tries anything though"

"That means a lot, I've really missed your thinly veiled macho threats" Saff smiled as she was pulled into a hug from Xander. Neither of them were used to the whole revealing their feelings thing they usually masked it with humour. But they both knew when they needed to be serious about some things. She was too pleased that Xander wanted to be her friend to call him up on how hypocritical he had been. She would save that for another day.

Xander and Saff had eventually walked back into the party, sitting around in the aftermath of Dawn's dramatics. Buffy was pacing, not only was she not sure what to do about Dawn, she was feeling the absence of Riley. He would have usually had a kind word to say. All of a sudden there was a crash at both the front and back door and everyone looked at each other in shock. Dawn came out of the kitchen into the living room where everyone was gathered. She had the cake-cutting knife in her hands and a lot of red was running down her arms. Everyone gasped at the sight, but couldn't look away.

"Is this blood?" Dawn asked shakily, "This is blood isn't it? It can't be me. I'm not some key" Spike came rushing in from the front door and dramatically entered to warn the others about Dawn, she had run away after they read about her being sent to Buffy in the form of a key. But he was too late. He smelt the blood and whipped his head to Dawn, mouth open in shock. He was almost lost for words.

"What the fuck, Spike?!" She hissed, gesturing at Dawn, who he was supposed to be with in her room. The others started to rush to Dawn, Joyce hugged her when she asked if she was anything. Buffy watched, unsure what to do. Saff felt the girls despair so strongly, it hurt. She was trying her best to stay upright, strong emotions always sent her reeling and it was worse when it was her own family. Saff stood so that she wasn't crowding Dawn, talking lowly to Spike.

"Thanks for telling me, love" He replied, eyebrows raised as he crossed his arms over his chest. He knew about Dawn. The Key.

"Sorry. Never really came up" She said quickly, shooting him an apologetic glance as she started to follow the three summer's women up the stairs.

"You knew this whole bloody time since she arrived and it never came up?" Spike asked, unconvinced. It mentioned those with a second-sight can see the key, and Saff's sight seemed to have thirds and fourths.

"No. I found out from Buffy who found out from a monk" Saff rushed, stopping on the stairs to explain, "The monks blocked me from seeing her, Giles looked into it, it should have been in that notebook you so kindly stole. The cards warned me eventually but I was a little distracted with the staking my best friend. I'm sorry, babe, but at least you know now" she briefly added, glancing up the stairs every so often where Dawn had left and the rest of the women had followed her. He nodded, kissed her goodbye, and left with the rest of the scoobies, knowing the family needed their space. He wasn't upset with her, she had been in the middle of everything this past year. A heads up would have been nice though.

The three women had been screamed at by Dawn, telling them all to get out. Saffron didn't know what to do. How to help. She knew being the centre of a prophecy sucked, but there was no way to prepare Dawn for it. She didn't have any super strength, she had been left to Buffy to be protected. Saff was in deep thought as she inhaled the smoke of her cigarette, flicking some ash to the ground as everything started spinning through her mind.

"Can I have one of those?" A voice said from behind her, making her jump.

"One of what?"

"The cigarette. I'm not really 14, you know" Dawn said, her eyes filled with tears as she said it. Saffron looked down at the cigarette that was burning in her hand. She looked conflicted. Could she let her try one? Technically she was a lot younger than 14.

"You can have a puff of mine. You don't get one of your own" She said sternly, still not feeling right about handing her cousin the cigarette. "Don't inhale- too late" She finished as she watched Dawn erupt into a massive coughing fit. She hit her younger cousins back to help with the coughing and looked at her with a worried expression.

"It's okay, that wasn't real. I'm not real" Dawn repeated as Saffron quickly took the cigarette off her, feeling extremely guilty for letting her try it. She had been Dawn's age when she started smoking and she knew that it wasn't anything to brag about.

"Dawn. You are real. You really just coughed, and you really just bled in front of us all. I'm worried about you. Really worried" Saff said to her younger cousin, trying to make her smile. She didn't want to reveal she had known for so long, but she wished she could tell her that no matter what, she would always see Dawn as her cousin. She tried to let her feel it instead.

"I'm a ball of green light sent by monks so you would all take pity on me and protect me" Dawn said sadly. Saffron raised her eyebrows, she had really got the full low-down from that book of Giles'. Maybe she should go looking for one about her and her abilities.

"But that doesn't change what I feel. I still feel your emotions, feel your pain. I can even feel you want another try with my fag despite the fact that you would definitely embarrass yourself again" Saff smiled at her cousin. She sat down on one of the steps and patted the spot next to her to ask Dawn to sit next to her, "You will always be my cousin, I love you Dawny. No matter where you come from" The youngest summers sat down sadly, looking like a kicked puppy and Saffron threw her cigarette into the garden and put her arm around her cousin. Neither of them said anything else, they just sat in silence as Saffron held her tight. She could feel that she was still upset and her inner turmoil was painful for Saffron to feel but she didn't leave her cousin's side until they both decided it was time to go in.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The pair were in the crypt. The one place they could relax together, with little interruptions. Or that was the theory, anyway. Saff had filled Spike in on everything about the key that she knew about and explained about the three briefly. He had known about her visions, but he hadn't been clued in on their connection to Dawn. The pair were sat opposite each other on the sofa and Spike took Saff's hand in his. He unscrewed the little bottle and started to paint her fingernail a deep red. She had asked him to pick a colour for her and she had rolled her eyes at the colour he'd chosen. Blood red. She enjoyed this kind of intimacy with him though and smiled at the little frown painted on his features as he concentrated on painting her nails. They had waited for his black nail varnish to dry before it was her turn.

"You let the little bit choke on a fag?" He snorted, "I thought I was evil, but it takes something to give a kid-"

"Look, don't you start, I was her age when I tried one" She said, trying to quell her own guilt rather than convince him. He just smiled and shrugged; he wasn't exactly Mr morality, "Besides, it's not as if I encouraged her to sneak out of the house and break into a shop is it?" She asked, smiling slightly. He finished the first hand and she held it out to admire his work. She smiled at him and nodded before resting her other hand on his lap to be painted. She squeezed his thigh slightly and he gave her a look, before taking her hand and starting to paint her nails.

"You think she'll be able to handle it?"

"Who knows. I hope so, but it's a lot to come to terms with I guess"

"Mm, like waking up one day undead. Or finding out you're this all-seeing, once-in-a-lifetime touchy feely super-girl" He said, the light frown was back as he was trying to concentrate on keeping the varnish on her actual nails and not around her fingers as he spoke.

"You think we should chat to her?"

"Couldn't hurt" He shrugged, admiring his own handiwork on her nails and nodded once. She smiled at him, before replying, "Well, someone could hurt us"

"She has powers?" Spike asked, his eyes widened. _Why did that family get all the bloody good stuff?_

"No, I meant Buffy. She's all over-protective and scary. Her heart's set on a one-woman mission, as always" saff rolled her eyes, explaining to Spike what happened since Buffy's Birthday, "Been researching all day, trying to get Dawn out of her room. She won't go to school"

"Must have been some birthday gift, little sis the destructor" Spike said, wishing he could say something to take away her pain and worry for Dawn. Not only did she care for her cousin, she could feel everything she felt. She tried to relax, savouring her time with Spike. It wasn't often she had a break from feeling everyone's emotions, not unless she was safely in his crypt with him.

"Yeah, there's some kind of birthday curse in our family, there's no way you'll catch me celebrating again" She thought for a moment, a question popped into her head that she had never thought of, "Do you have a birthday?"

"Does it look as if I count down the days love? Lost count around the 200 mark" If he was being honest, he didn't really care. So much had happened since. "Besides, you're the only thing I need, Honeysuckle…" he smiled, kneeling on the sofa. He leaned in to face her with a smile playing on his lips. Her eyes squinted in suspicion as he lowered her to lie on the sofa. His eyes sparkled as he leaned in and caught her lips in a passionate kiss. Her breath caught and she was hungrily kissing back, lost in the feeling of him. She still had her hands in the air, letting her nails dry as he started to kiss down her neck, peppering her collar bone with kisses.

"Spike! You're gonna smudge my nails!" She complained, but there was no meaning behind her words. He continued to kiss her with fervour and her mind jumbled and her hands ran up his back, making light work of removing the black shirt that hung over his shoulders. _To hell with my nails,_ she decided and Spike smirked into the kiss. Spike was above her, making sure to pause, savouring the moment. They were usually interrupted at this point. He shifted his weight so he wasn't hurting her as he trailed some more kissed across her soft skin.

"Beautiful" He muttered, that sparkle was in his eyes again as he leaned back, his eyes scanned her body. He moved in to her again, unbuttoning the rest of her shirt and landing more soft kisses on any exposed skin he could find. Her hands ran up his back as he continued to explore her skin with his lips.

"What about a... death day then?" She suddenly said, as if out of nowhere. She had actually been in deep thought while he was kissing her. Makes a change. She wanted a day to celebrate him the way he seemed to celebrate her so often. She wanted to do something special for him. To show her love.

"A bloody what?" He said, exasperated she wanted to talk now. He looked up, an eyebrow crooked in a mix between bemused and frustrated.

"Death day. You know, that day you were sired. It seemed sort of chilly… maybe February?" She said, hauling herself up to sit and looking in deep thought about it. He let out an unneeded sigh, she wasn't going to let this go. He was eyeing her chest, her shirt was open to reveal her purple bra and he was weighing up his options. He quickly told her the exact date, he'd never been able to forget that one. She nodded and pecked him on the cheek. He snaked his hand towards the base of her skull and firmly moved her to his lips for a deeper the kiss. They continued like that, their clothes slowly being removed by the other as they were lost in each other.

The door swung open and Buffy marched in, her eyes widened and she cringed and she coughed loudly and looked away. They had been lying on the sofa, a tangle of limbs as they basked in the afterglow. The pair sprung from their place on the sofa and rushed to collect as many clothes as they could. Spike grabbed his shirt and covered his love in it, to try to protect her modesty, although that had gone flying out of the window when the slayer had barged in.

"You really should knock" Spike said, not as embarrassed as Saff clearly was as he pulled his jeans back on.

"No time. Dawn's gone missing"

"Next time I see the nibblet I'm giving her a sodding calendar with days not to bloody go missing marked on them" Spike muttered, putting on his black t-shirt and shrugging on his duster.

They made it to the hospital to find Dawn there with Glory. Buffy tried her best to trade blows with Glory, distracting her long enough for Saff to grab Dawn and pull her towards the others. Glory noticed and started rounding on the pair after throwing Buffy to the floor. Saff didn't have any power and she didn't think she had enough mental strength to affect a hell-God's emotions. Spike ran at Glory and held her back long enough for Buffy to get back onto her feet but ended up being thrown across the room for his trouble. Everyone tried to fight Glory as she attacked anyone in her way. Saff ran to Spike's side, pulling Dawn with her. She wouldn't let go of her cousin's hand. But she needed to be near Spike. She propped his head up, calling him an idiot for putting himself in harms way for them, but quickly kissed him her thank you. When she kissed spike, she let go of Dawn's hand. She was distracted long enough for Glory to throw a crowbar Dawn's way, it only didn't hit her as Buffy jumped in front of her. Meanwhile, the witches managed to cast a spell on Glory, transferring her somewhere else. It gave them time. For now.

"I'm sorry" Saff whispered, crawling to Buffy and Dawn from where she was knelt with Spike. She had taken her eye off Dawn for a second and she was so annoyed with herself. But what could she have done? If it had pierced her skin, she would be a lot worse off than Buffy. Buffy shook her head, knowing this was meant to happen. She told Dawn that their blood was the same. Summer's blood. That they were sisters either way. Saff nodded, it echoed the words she had said to Dawn a few nights before. She helped her cousins to their feet, hugging them each. She turned to Spike, who had managed to stand by himself but she quickly tried to get him to shift his weight onto her so she could support him. They all made their way out of the hospital, a silence among them as they knew Glory wouldn't disappear forever.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

_Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three_

"I get it, I get it!" She said, hitting her head twice with her hand as if she could shock the whispers into shutting up. Some of the people in the smoking area gave her funny looks and the others scurried away to keep their distance from her.

_Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three_

"If all three are so important, why am I the only one that's being hassled!" She shouted up at the sky, her hands still firmly over her ears as if that could do anything to stop it. She screwed her eyes up trying to stop the whispering. The repetition was making her feel as if she was starting to go mad.

_Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three_

"One more fucking whisper and I'm filing for a restraining order!" Her eyes flew open and she pointed in the general direction of the darkened sky. Some of the people that had initially stayed for her outburst all started to quickly walk away from where she was stood with her burnt out cigarette in her hand. She hadn't noticed that it was finished as the whispering was still going. Just one number, over and over.

_Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three_

"Shut up!" She screamed and all of a sudden, the whispers ceased. She threw her cigarette into the night, took a deep breath and walked back into the Bronze.

When she returned from outside, she spotted Spike at the bar trying to get the tender's attention. Saff smirked and walked up to him, wrapping her arms around him, she leaned in to whisper in his ear. She was so close that her breath started to tickle his ear. He swung around, grabbing her hard by the arm and turning to face her, his face a picture of embarrassment when he saw that it was, in fact, his love.

"Woah, hey! Don't get your wig on" she laughed at his reaction, "Not everyone wants a side of bar-fight with their beer" She said, noticing he didn't seem to be in a good mood.

"Sorry, love. Thought it was some bint trying to hit on me" He said, shrugging. She mouthed _'jar'_ at him before replying properly, "You're not that irresistible that girls you don't know start whispering in your ear to chat you up"

"You'd be surprised" He raised his eyebrows and turned back to the bar, trying again to get the barman's attention. Saff smirked, moving to stand in front of him and leaned over the bar to get the man's attention. Her top wasn't very low cut, but her action did the job. Jimmy, the bartender, hurried over to her as soon as she met his eye, despite making Spike wait for the past twenty minutes. Might have something to do with the threatening nature of their last encounter.

"Usual, babe?" She turned and smiled sweetly as she saw him tense his jaw at the man still staring at Saff, waiting for her order. He nodded once, not moving his eyes from the man. Saffron turned back and gave them their order, flashing him her ID. She continued smiling at the barman who was looking between the pair awkwardly. He was weighing up his options on whether he could ask for Saff's number.

"I'll pay" He said, suddenly reaching into his pocket and slamming the cash on the table. He was glaring at the bartender, showing that he definitely should not ask for her number. He reached and put a possessive arm firmly around her waist and on her thigh so the man could see. He rushed away to start making their drinks. Saff rolled her eyes and kissed him on the cheek, a thank you for paying.

"Where did you suddenly get cash from?" She asked, recalling the way he had complained about going to the Bronze with her friends, "What happened to _'Cor blimey love, if you're wantin' me to go out to the kids club I ain't buggering payin', do I look like a bleedin'-_" Spike cut her off from her teasing with a glare, but she still smiled back at him as she took her drink from the bar. The man had brought their drinks in record time.

Xander appeared behind them taking his chance to order while the bartender's attention had been kept. Jimmy still hadn't moved, he was watching Saff sip on her beer as she teased Spike lightly.

"Hey! Bleach-boy, you make a habit of stealing?" Xander said loudly, he had noticed at the table that his change had been taken.

"Only if it's to give to the poor" He shrugged. Saff looked between the two of them, unsure what was going on. She could feel Xander was annoyed, but not necessarily mad.

"I work hard for that money!"

"And I didn't?"

"You stole it!" Xander said, raising his voice slightly. He shot an apologetic glance at the bartender but he wasn't looking Xander's way.

"And you're making it very hard work" Spike shrugged, taking a swig of his own beer and turning back towards the bar. Xander started to get mad and threaten Spike, but he wasn't focusing on what Xander was saying. Instead he was glaring at the bartender who had taken a break and was staring at Saff from a distance. His jaw started to tense and Saff thought it was because of Xander. She quickly cut in, hoping to keep the peace.

"Oh, grow up!" She said to the both of them, who had been squabbling like children despite how distracted Spike had been with the man who was still staring moon-eyed at his girl. She continued, "Xander, I'll pay you back – how much did he take?"

"$20 of my hard-work"

"Here, take it" She fished into her back pocket and gave him the last of her tarot money.

"No, it's fine, I'm payday man! I was going to buy for you anyway" He said, taking one last look at Spike before leaving with the drinks he had been served for him and the others. She pulled Spike away from the bar and towards where the others were sat. His jaw was still tensing and he kept looking back over at the bar. Saffron caught his line of sight and understood, rolling her eyes again.

"_My name's Spike and I'm bloody big and bloody bad, I am_" She whispered, her eyes sparkled as she teased him. He looked back at her and stopped her before she could carry on murdering the London accent.

"Watch it, honeysuckle. One more word and you'll be drained quicker than you can say _'bloody hell'_" He crooked an eyebrow, mock threatening her which made Saff smile.

"And oh man, would it be bloody hell. For you. If you drained me. The whole gang would make your un-life a nightmare!" She added, playing along. But she noticed he was still distracted, looking past her towards the bar, "You have nothing to worry about, I'm not about to run off after the first man that can get me discount drinks" She leaned in to him and smiled. He didn't seem convinced, he could still see Jimmy staring at Saffron's back. No, his eyes were a lot lower than that he noticed and a low growl came from the back of his throat. _Actions speak louder than words,_ she decided. She leaned in and caught his lips with hers, he was expecting her to move away just as quickly but she didn't. She reached forward, deepening their kiss, he could feel her smiling into it as he took control after his initial hesitance. Her hands were tangled in his hair, their breath-taking kiss continued as people danced and laughed around them. Their lips were perfectly in-sync and neither of them wanted to part. When his hands started to wander, however, she moved back quickly making sure none of the others had seen Spike's strong hand trying to grope her on the sly. When he looked back, the bartender had his back to the pair, making drinks. But he could see his ears reddening which made him smirk and put his arm around Saffron as they walked over to the others.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The table was set nicely and Joyce had prepared everything well ahead of time, it was staying warm as they waited for the final dinner guest. Dawn, Saff and Spike were sat around the table as Joyce fussed with the last minute things in the kitchen. Spike had a hand resting on her thigh under the table, rubbing it slightly every now and again. He just liked to have some kind of physical contact with her, and he really liked being invited to dinners at the Summer's residence. He smiled along with Joyce's story as he felt himself relax at how normal it felt. How good. To be a part of the little family.

"But what they didn't get was that it was a copy of the bill of lading. So, they thought it was another order form. So now I've got two shipments of Greek amphorae on my hands!"

"That's funny. And, really, how many do you need? Amphorae?"

"I don't get it, if it's free does it matter? And doesn't Greece want them back?" She whispered to spike, still smiling as if she had found what Joyce was saying funny. Everyone else did, so she joined in. Although she could tell Spike was being polite as well. She didn't know the word, and her auntie's accent made it harder for her to get as it probably isn't how she would pronounce it if she knew what it even was.

"Amphorae, love. The jugs that those art places like to stand in dusty corners, even the bit knew that"

"Alright, I didn't pay attention in Greek art-ology" She shrugged as Spike smiled at her. She could be so smart but she didn't think things through sometimes before opening her mouth, "And plus, Dawn of time only knows because she was an ancient Greek nerd in middle school"

"Was not!" Dawn said loudly, she had clearly been eavesdropping on the couple's whispered conversation.

"Oh, you so were too!" saffron replied instantly. Dawn was about to reply, arguing against her, when Joyce who had been looking at the door frame spoke up and interrupted their bickering.

"Oh, Buffy! I'll just take everything out of the oven, will you get the plates?"

"Sure. Uh, is Spike staying for dinner?" Buffy asked cautiously. Spike smirked at her and shifted his chair closer to Saffron's.

"Yes, I invited him considering how charming he was last time he came to dinner" Joyce said distractedly as she took dishes out of the oven filled with homemade lasagne.

"Oh, you do flatter, Mrs Summers" Spike smirked even more when he saw Buffy's scowl at his words. Everyone knew he had been calling her Joyce since they had met.

"I've already told you, it's Joyce" she said, beaming at his manners. Saff rolled her eyes, her family and Spike were so predictable. Spike was going to charm his way into annoying Buffy, Buffy was going to start getting irritated and pick on anything Dawn did wrong, meaning Saff would try and keep the peace but get accused of siding with one of them and then Joyce was going to get stressed at all three of them, making Spike look like the perfect guest. And the cycle would start again.

"You can call me Summers if you like, Spike" Buffy said sweetly as she started plating up for herself. Saffron rolled her eyes, _here it goes._

"I'd rather call you cuz, if that's alright. Seeing as I'm a big, _"bad"_ part of the family now and all" He mouthed the 'bad' part so that Joyce couldn't hear. But Buffy knew what he was saying. He was trying to wind her up and it was working.

"You are not-" Buffy started, but quickly put a mouthful of lasagne in her mouth, not wanting to upset anyone, other than Spike, at the table. Conversation continued through the meal, Spike managed to find excuses to brush his hand against Saff's, mostly when Buffy was looking up from her plate in time to see. He loved contact with his girl, but he also loved seeing the expression on the Slayer's face at how intimate he was with her cousin. She may have a truce with him, of sorts, but it didn't mean she liked it. Spike and Buffy kept voicing subtle digs at each other throughout the meal, trying to keep it undetected by Joyce.

They had finished their meal half an hour ago now, but they were still sat around the table. Joyce was retelling the Greek amphorae story for Buffy's benefit and they were all listening and smiling in the right places. A cold feeling ran through the room, just as Joyce was about to get to the funny ending of her story. The three girls all shifted uncomfortably before they all fainted at the same time, their heads landing on the dinner table at the same second.

_The three of them woke up and Saff's eyes bulged. They were in a familiar setting to her, a forest clearing she had stumbled into many a time. The only difference this time was they were already in the clearing, still around their dinner table. Joyce and Spike were passed out, leaning forwards on the table. She shook Spike slightly, but he wouldn't budge. She'd be worried he was dead if he wasn't already. And he wasn't dust, so he must be okay. She noticed a figure out of the corner of her eye and sighed._

_Buffy helped them both up and held her relative's hands tightly, ready to protect them however she could. She looked around, waiting for a demon she could slay._

_"Hey, double-F. We should really start scheduling these things. We were kinda the middle of something" Saff called at the man who had been doing vocal runs while he was waiting for them to arrive._

_"I needed the three of you. What better time than here and now?" He asked, checking his watch and nodding. On time._

_"Maybe you could have let us fall asleep and come in our dreams?"_

_"No fun, I like to keep things interesting" he smiled at her as she sulked._

_"Hate to cut the niceties but what is going on here?" Buffy asked, "Is my mom going to be ok?"_

_"She asked before you, are we sure she isn't the empathetic one?" he chuckled._

_"People can be multi-faceted, not our fault you're lacking" The man made an action as if to tell her to shut up, she opened her mouth to retort again but he had stopped her from speaking. She scowled, she should have known. He turned to the other two, addressing them directly. Pretending that Saff wasn't there._

_"Um, are you sure it's us you want?" Dawn asked clearly anxious._

_"Don't worry, sweet child. I am here to help. The powers, their wisdom is yours to take. The three of you hold great importance, but you… you are the key. The link."_

_"Oh, wow, do I get visions now?"_

_"Uh, no. This is her sight you are looking through. Unfortunately, I must speak through her. I can only apologise for her presence"_

_"Stop it. Saff is clearly important, are you going to tell us what we need to know?" Buffy interrupted._

_"Maybe the attitude is a family trait. Barring you, of course, little one" He had clearly taken a liking to Dawn. He had little time for people not respecting his messages._

_"Tertium genus. The selected few. Look within for what you must do. The spirits will decide their fate, but for that there is a choice to make. You must protect her, the link to the olde world, her spirit shiny and new" he clicked his fingers allowing Saff her voice back. He had spoken in a beautiful sing-song voice. A lyrical rap. It stuck in their heads; each syllable enunciated perfectly. He hoped for something positive from one of the three. They are sacred to the powers, after all. Seminal for the world to be balanced again._

_"What do we have to do? How do we protect her?" Buffy asked, desperate for some guidance. It had all been very vague. Saff had already told her most of that, except the part about choice._

_"You're the chosen one, aren't you? Choose" He said, shrugging as if to say he's only the messenger._

_"I wouldn't hold your breath, Buff. He doesn't actually tell you anything. In fact, we could probably do just fine without his help" He checked his watch and smiled._

_"I must go now, please listen to what I have recited for you"_

_"Uh, thank you" Dawn said kindly. Smiling at the man._

_"Yeah, thanks for nothing mate!" Saff added, pulling a face at Dawn for thanking him. The scene around them started to go black and Saff remembered what would come next, "Brace yourselves!" She shouted, trying to hold onto their hands but she was torn away from them. She was spun forwards, a sickening thud as her body contacted something hard. A searing pain in all her joints. As if each limb was being torn from her body. She screamed, warm liquid pouring around her, her vision lost to the pain. Everything went white as she lay against the hard surface. Every inch of her was burning in agony._

Saff awoke just as suddenly as she had dropped. She looked around groggily and noticed she had been moved to the couch. She looked up, everyone was staring at her. She shot up into a sitting position, noticing that the other two were stood staring at her as well. Had it only been her? Joyce cut through her thoughts, asking what happened.

"It's, uh, just really warm in here, J" Saff explained as Spike sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she relaxed into him, leaning against his shoulder. He leaned in, kissing her forehead, cupping her cheek with his hand, showing the room his freshly painted nails. Joyce moved and opened the windows in the room before returning the rest of them. Buffy shuddered, she still wasn't used to seeing this kind of affection between them, she wasn't sure she ever would. It spooked her more than the fainting.

"Warm enough for all three of you to faint at the same time?" Joyce asked, not buying it. Saff whipped her head to look between the other two. They really had been there. Saff eventually moved from Spike's embrace to get some water and tried to recover. It was always worse when there was witnesses to her fainting, the concern and worry pulling at her gut. Almost physically painful to feel how she made them worry.

It was later in the evening and Spike had been following her around the house, making sure she didn't go again. Hit her head or something. He hated seeing what the visions did to her. She walked as if all her bones were healing and she was always exhausted.

"What happened really?" He stopped her in the hallway. Joyce had gone to bed and the others were lying in their own beds, wide awake. She sighed, holding his hand as she started to speak. Saff explained everything that happened, kissing him softly when he started threatening fish-features, wishing he could take him on. They spoke for a while, trying to figure it out. The death scenes were becoming more violent and Spike moved to hold her to him. Knowing what it felt like to die. Saff stayed like that, in his arms for a long time.

She eventually realised she needed the others to make sense of it all. She asked Spike if he would wait for her in the basement as she went and knocked on the other girls' doors. They met in Buffy's room.

"Did we all see the same thing?" She hissed, after closing the door slowly so they didn't wake Joyce. Dawn nodded, ringing her hands, she had never felt anything like it, "Bloody fish-features"

"I'll say, what even was that? Who was that?"

"I don't know, he's who they send when the high priestess can't be bothered to show her face. Probably at a pageant or something"

"So, we need to think about this logically. The words, each line must mean something. Like looking at poems in English class" Dawn offered. They continued to discuss theories and everything that had been said, which wasn't a lot. Saffron was pleased to note that neither of them had their own death scene apart from her, it was just fish-features being cruel, she decided.

"It's that stupid bloody number again. It's mentioned every time" She whispered.

"The number? I see it everywhere Saff" She whispered. Saff put three fingers up and Dawn nodded. She pulled the girl in for a hug, this was all the poor girl needed. More confusion for her brain. Buffy joined them, all three of them knowing something big was coming.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_Saffron entered the crypt, plastic shopping bags in her hand that read 'thank you' in different colours. She shook her head, her ponytail bobbing behind her as she recovered from the downpour outside. She grinned when she saw Spike, skipping over to him and leaving a soft kiss on his lips, before rummaging through the plastic bags._

_"You get everything, pet?" He asked, moving to look in one the bags himself._

_"Yep, took me ages, I had to go to three different shops to find your special bleach" She rolled her eyes fondly. He was precious about his hair. She had wondered how he had managed to do his roots before they were together seeing as he couldn't see what he was doing. She couldn't imagine Drusilla doing it for him but again, maybe she had. She moved to put a record on the player, something they both enjoyed. Hopefully it would distract Spike. He whined when the bleach started to itch._

_She snapped the plastic gloves on her hands as she started to mix up the bleach. She made a show of wrapping him in a towel and asking him where he was going on his holidays. She liked to act the part, it was in her nature. She started to make up people that she could gossip about as if giving him the full hairdressing experience. Spike didn't get it so much, seeing as he hadn't been to a modern hairdresser, but her act always made him smile. She always loved to play the part, she almost sparkled with glee when he played along with her. He wouldn't go to a real hairdresser even if he wanted to, the lack of reflection might give him away and he didn't like people touching his hair. Unless it was her._

_When she was done washing out the bleach for him, her soft hands making it feel like the most relaxing experience he had felt, he spun her around. He had never felt anything this… pure. The soft domesticity of it all. With her. He left a soft kiss on her lips, pulling her to him as she laughed. He loved that sound._

_When he pulled her close to him, she had sprinkled his face in tiny soft kisses, she could be so affectionate. He loved moments like that with her. He could almost feel his heart rise in his chest. She wanted to take care of him in the way he wanted to care for her. He had waited so long, hundreds of years for a love like this._

He smiled at the memory, he loved it when she was by his side. He couldn't imagine returning to his old life, he thought to himself. Although, he'd definitely still like the chip out given the chance. A noise interrupted Spike's thoughts. He sensed someone moving from the corner of the room. How had he missed that? Sometimes, being love's bitch was a curse.

Drusilla swayed out of the dark corner, clutching a single red rose in her hand. She smiled at her ex-lover. Spike was confused, _why was she here? Why now when everything was looking up for him?_ Drusilla explained what had gone on in LA with Angel and Darla. It made Drusilla miss the old days, before he had found her.

"I want us to be a family again, my William. Come back with me"

"To Los Angeles? I've done the whole LA scene, Dru. Didn't agree with me. I have a life here, pet. Decent digs not to mention all the tasty townies I can eat" He added the last part, not wanting to mention his love, proving Drusilla right that he had always been in love with her.

"Naughty. You needn't make up stories. Poor boy. Tin soldiers put funny little knick-knacks in your brain. Can't hunt. Can't hurt. Can't kill. You've got a chip"

"You heard about that then? Poor Spike's become a cautionary tale for vampires, right? "You better be good, kiddies, or else they might wire you up someday!"" He got angry, hating that he couldn't hunt the way he once had. Maybe he did miss it more than he realised. He kicked the gate in the corner in anger at his situation as he saw how Drusilla hadn't changed.

"I don't believe in science. All those bits and molecules no one's ever seen. I trust eyes and heart alone…" Dru nodded along with herself dreamily, coming ever closer to Spike, "The flower. She has poisoned you against your nature. My evil prince must come back to me"

"Dru…"

"You're a killer. Born to slash and bash and bleed, like beautiful poetry" She held his heart with her hands, he closed his eyes. The feeling so familiar.

"I won't tell, my Spike. The call of the hunt is too strong, too strong for the poppet to understand" She whispered, making sure she held Spike's eye contact, "Leave with me. We can be together again"

Drusilla had started to glide forwards, as Spike moved backwards. Spike was staring deep into her eyes, mirroring her every move. He had been backing away and hadn't noticed the direction they were walking in, she was smiling knowingly at the man she had spent so long with. He found himself lying back on the bed, she pushed his chest so he would lie flat. She slid herself on top of him, smiling widely. Her hand on the side of his face as she leaned into him, about to land a kiss as he just stared unsure what he was doing.

At this moment, Saff had descended to the lower level of the crypt and witnessed what can only be described as a horror-scene. Her eyes widened, she didn't know whether to just pretend she hadn't seen or try to haul Drusilla off him thus getting herself horribly mauled by Morticia herself. She didn't need to choose though, as Spike sensed her and looked over to her. His face changed, a sudden realisation. He'd been snapped out of Drusilla's draw. He pushed Drusilla off him and shoved her onto the bed and away from him. But Saff had already turned to leave. He grabbed his duster and moved to follow her, distracted only by Drusilla's rage. A blood-curdling scream as she started one of her infamous tantrums.

Saff ran to the off-license in town. She bought herself a large bottle of vodka and then walked to the small lake that the people of Sunnydale used for fishing trips. Lake Eville, the sign read as she walked past it to sit on a bench overlooking the water. She'd prefer to be looking at the ocean, it usually calmed her, but this would do. She unscrewed the cap and started to drink. Her cheeks started to stain with tears as she thought about what she had seen. She never would have imagined seeing something like that. Never from Spike. She had been convinced he loved her like she loved him. Someone stalked into her line of vision and she groaned, just what she needed.

"Oh, Saffy! Look, I was only walking. I can go…" Harmony was clearly spooked, and started to walk backwards, worried she'd lose her head.

"I'd really like that" Saff replied, taking a swig of her vodka. But instead of continuing to walk away, Harmony noticed something. Puffy eyes and a sniffling nose. She moved to sit next to Saff on the bench.

"You look sad, you know what I do when I'm sad?" Harmony asked her.

"Massacre a football team?" Saff offered, still looking out into the night rather than at Harmony's face. She closed her eyes, trying to listen to the calm lapping of the water in front of her. Just seeing Harmony's face made her mad. It reminded her of Hayley, she never even had a chance at life. Harmony had taken it, lured her away and killed her.

"That was once, and only after I slept with them first" Harmony stated, as if that made killing any better, "And _no_, I was going to say a facial"

"Oh, to be a young, hot vampire who doesn't need love" saffron mocked, having another drink from the bottle hidden in a brown paper bag.

"Hey, I want to be loved. Everyone wants to feel loved"

"That was… insightful. Have you been reading?"

"You don't need books to be insightful" Harmony pointed out, before adding, "It was a magazine" Harmony shrugged, taking the bottle from her and taking a sip. Benefit of Vampire strength as Saff wasn't giving it up easily. Harm pulled a face after tasting it but kept hold of it.

"You make it really easy for me to want to take the piss out of you, you know that?"

"Because you think I'm a dumb blonde? Well I _am_, but I have feelings"

"Hayley had feelings. You're a bitch" Saffron couldn't stop herself from saying it. The malice in her voice evident.

"That's so mean! Who even is that?"

"You don't even fucking remember!" Saff screamed, snatching the bottle back from Harmony, "Curled black hair, 90% freckles, loved the colour pink?"

"Ooooh, her. You knew her?" Harmony realised. Pulling a face that said 'oops'.

"She was one of my best friends. You killed her" saff added bitterly.

"Well, I mean, I am, like, an evil vampire. It's what I'm supposed to do" Harmony shrugged, but quickly added, "I'm sorry, Saffy. She _did_ ask"

"What?" Saff asked, stopping herself mid-drink and putting the bottle down. She had never thought about that. The way Hayley spoke made it sound as if Harmony had attacked her and offered eternal life as an afterthought.

"She totally asked me to! But she changed and got, like, so twisted. I don't understand why some of us stay the same and others go psycho"

"Oh" Saff said, taking another massive shot of the vodka, before actually offering the bottle to Harmony this time. She was in deep thought as she twisted the bracelet Hayley had bought her for her birthday. She barely took it off. _Did this change how she felt? About Hayley? About Harmony?_

"Is that why you're sad? You should find Spike, you know he'll give you lots of comfort" Harmony smiled, she might as well have said he'd fuck her better with the look she was giving. Harmony took another sip and pulled another face as the liquid burned her throat.

"I'm sad because I staked Hayley, but mostly because I just walked in on Drusilla straddling Spike" Saff admitted.

"_Ew_, Droodzilla's in town? Horrible dress sense and a worse complexion" Harmony said, handing back the bottle. Harmony didn't think much of Hayley being staked, in fact she was glad. The girl was rude to her after she was sired. _I mean, what happened to like respecting your elders?_ Saff looked at Harmony and smiled through her watering eyes.

"I'm sorry, Harm. Uh, for being mean, I thought you forced her to turn" Saff could tell the vampire was being honest. Mostly because Harmony wasn't used to drinking so much and seemed to be talking without a filter. On top of everything, she now felt guilty for blaming Harmony for something that Hayley had asked for, apparently. Why did she have to be so understanding? She had needed to direct her anger at someone other than herself after she had staked her friend. It had really hurt. Almost as much as seeing Drusilla on top of Spike, removing the straps of her dress.

"I'm sorry Spike was horrible to you too" Harmony shrugged. Spike hadn't treated her well, he hadn't been in love with her. He had been thinking about Saffron when they were together.

"Yeah he wasn't great to you. You should look for someone that likes you for you. Unicorns and all" saffron said, starting to light up a cigarette. Harmony smiled widely, she would have never expected Saff to be so kind. She launched herself at Saffron squeezing her in a binding hug. Saffron almost choked on the smoke in her surprise. But she found herself patting Harmony's back in return.

"I smell something" Harmony said suddenly from next to her neck and Saff started to struggle away from Harmony's grip. Expecting to be vamp food. _Shit, how did she fall for hugging an unpredictable vampire?_ Harmony pulled away suddenly, unaware of Saff's struggling against her, "It's her. I think you should go. Like, _now_" Harmony repeated to emphasise the urgency. She was trying to help the human and she wasn't sure why. It was as if being in Saffron's presence made her want to be good or something. Plus, she wanted to make it up to Saff, she had sort of killed her friend even if she had asked for it.

Saff suddenly felt it too. She was coming for her. She could feel it, her anger was noticeable from where they sat. She nodded at Harmony, telling her she could keep the alcohol and quickly left to get to a house before Drusilla came for her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff ran half-way across Sunnydale before she stopped and fumbled with the device in her pocket. She flipped it up, dialled the number and rested it between her ear and her shoulder as she patted her pockets looking for her bobbles. She quickly smoothed her hair up into a bun so that none of her hair was accessible and waited as the phone rang through.

"It's Drusilla, she's back! Her and-"

"And who? Is it Angelus? I need you to tell me if he's back" Buffy said, her voice serious.

"N-no, it's-it's Spike. She was with Spike!" she hissed, her voice tumbling in between a new wave of sobs that she couldn't control. Had it really all been a lie?

"Stay on the line, Saff! Where are you?" Buffy said, holding back an I-told-you-so. She knew that if Dru was back they could all be a target, saffron especially.

"I-I need you to come, I think she's going to kill me before I get home"

"Where are you?" Buffy, repeated with urgency.

"I'm at the-" Saffron was cut off and the line went dead.

"There's a tiny little box with a tiny little slayer. Kill the box, kill the slayer inside" She chanted as she crushed Saffron's mobile phone into tiny pieces.

"Are you serious? The slayer's not actually in there… you must have seen a mobile phone before?" Saff said, staring at the pieces of her phone in mourning but stopped short when she realised that Drusilla was slowly getting closer to her, "Look, I didn't mean anything by it. No cell reception in the underground hovels you like to play house in, I guess" Saff winced as she couldn't help running her mouth. She was nervous.

"The poppet speaks out of turn, and she will have no cake today. She speaks as if she's a worthy opponent, but no strength is behind her words" Saff opened her mouth to try to retort in a way that she had learnt from Buffy, "Shh, naughty poppet" Drusilla smiled, shaking her head at the girl and wagging her finger at her, "The stars have been whispering to me. All day and night. A playdate with your new friend. Pretty petals all pink and rosy. Like yin and yang, you are. The light is so pretty, but you want to take it away. Why must you take away the light?"

"Look, do you want something? Or can I get on with my crying, it's not everyday you walk in on a crazed killer reclaiming her lost love. You paint quite the visual, thanks for that one"

"But yours is the love story, poppet. Saccharine sweet, made me sick it did" Dru nodded, swaying and holding her stomach, "Act six, the star cross'd lovers seal their fate. Moving pictures burst the bubble, will Romeo die before she wakes?" she giggled at the picture running in her mind, clapping as she saw what was to come.

"You know Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, right? I haven't been around as long as you, but it's just something to think about" She shrugged, as if she wasn't bothered by her current situation. Drusilla's eyes lit up at her words, but she didn't comment.

"The death of one becomes the other" She replied, ignoring Saff's previous attempt at a conversation. Drusilla was still stuck in the clouds.

"Fuck sake, my head is spinning! Why do you have to speak in riddles?"

"I used to be his, now even the stars have turned their backs on me. The stars want to be yours" Dru whined, seemingly switching between conversations. Her sentences were switching between topics without reason. Her smile had dropped from her face as she saw something else. Something that frightened even her.

"Look, Dru – do you mind if I call you Dru? You can have the stars-" Saffron started to babble, knowing her only hope was to distract Drusilla long enough for someone to find them. She couldn't take on Drusilla.

"Shh" She put her finger to her lips again, before using her two fingers to motion towards Saffron's eyes, "Look at me, be in my eyes" She started to sway again, Saffron mirrored her actions.

Spike had managed to find them in the graveyard and stopped when he saw what was going to happen. Was he too late?

"Saff!" He shouted, running over to the pair. His ex and current loves. This distracted Drusilla, her head moved to look at Spike, snapping Saff out of the trance she had been in. "Nothing happened, love, I swear it!" He directed at his girl and Saffron felt it. The truth. She sighed relieved, her earlier doubts had felt wrong to her. Spike took the stake out of his pocket, "I'll do it, I'll stake her good and proper. For you" Saff just stared, her eyes wide in shock. She never thought he'd do something like that. Neither did Drusilla, she frowned wagging her finger at Spike. Spike cut between the pair, facing Saff and turning his back to Drusilla. He took her hand in hers, nodding softly. Confirming what he was going to do. She could feel his conflicted feelings. Drusilla meant a lot to him, but he wanted to do this. If it meant Saff was safe and they could stay together. He took an unneeded breath and started to turn. Saff grabbed his wrist softly, shaking her head.

"Duck" She said quietly. Spike started to open his mouth and frown at his girl, before understanding. He moved to the side, rather than ducking, giving Saff a clear look at Drusilla. She took a deep breath and stepped forwards, taking Drusilla's wrists in hers and started to stare at her. Hard. "Sorry" She whispered to the woman. Drusilla started to recoil from her, but she didn't have her usual strength as Saff held on to her. Saff was influencing her emotions. Pain and sickness was weakening her, she tried to make it so it would happen any time she felt like taking a trip back to Sunnydale. She felt the pain as much as Dru did, but she needed to do this. To make her stay away. To protect Spike from having to stake his sire. She knew how much she meant to him. Saffron slowly let go of her and stepped back to stand next to Spike, who was watching in shock. She had to steady herself against him because of the residual pain she was feeling. When had she become that powerful? This was Drusilla, after all.

"It burns! Her poison, it burns! The Eye is in my head and she is not a kind visitor, no writing in the guestbook for you!" Drusilla pointed shakily, "The death of one becomes the other. I hope it becomes him, bad poppet" She shouted, still angry at Saffron before turning and speeding away.

Spike silently moved to her side, an enthusiastic kiss as he knew he had done that for him. To protect him from the pain she had felt when she had staked someone she had once been close to. He pulled back, his hands cupping her cheek as they stared into each other's eyes. No words could form, but their understanding was flowing between them. The love. They eventually moved to walk away, their hands entwined, still not able to know what to say to each other. This was new to both of them. Being speechless.

They had almost made it back to the crypt when they were stopped abruptly in the middle of a graveyard. A blonde woman came into view, her outfit was perfectly matched and she made her way straight to the pair.

"What is this? The ghosts of girlfriends bloody past?" Spike groaned, rolling his head back in annoyance at who was now stood blocking their path.

"I gave you the best bunch of months of my life! I thought maybe if I gave and I gave and gave, maybe you'd come around. Maybe be a little nicer. Stop treating me like your dog. But now I see it's you. You're the dog!"

"Oh, shut up, Harm" Spike said, pulling Saff's arm to walk away from Harmony. Saff noted Harmony's speech was slurred, she must have finished that bottle.

"Just listen, babe. She needs this" Saff said as quiet as she could, so Harmony couldn't hear. She stayed rooted to the spot and Spike looked at her incredulously.

"Since when were you best friends forever?" he hissed, rolling his eyes as Harmony continued to babble in the background.

"I'll explain later just listen"

"Uh, hello! I'm making a speech here!" Harmony shouted over the whispering pair and cleared her throat before resuming, "And you can say goodbye to this, because you're not gonna see it anymore. Unless you run into me somewhere and it's me walking away from you. But even then, I'll probably just, you know, back away" Harmony said, pointing to her ass before nodding, pleased with herself. She backed away from the pair, stumbling slightly. She waved and smiling widely at Saffron who smiled back at her slightly. The pair walked away and Spike started to complain about everyone ganging up on him. Apparently, Drusilla had attacked him after he rejected her advances and now Harmony was calling him names.

"Leave her alone, she's kind of sweet. Besides, how was I ganging up? I've just been here, loving you this whole time"

"Well remind me never to really cheat on you, love, whatever you did to Dru, I never want to be on the wrong end of it" He almost shuddered at what she had done. But he had enjoyed watching her too much to really be bothered. And besides, he was too in love with her to even consider it.

_ **xoxoxo** _

When she made it back to Revello, she explained everything to Buffy over hot chocolates made lovingly by Joyce. Saffron explained everything that happened, emphasising that Spike is still on their side, if slightly reluctantly at times. Buffy explained that she couldn't keep up with Spike's seeming switching sides every couple of weeks.

"Well, it was a trip, I'll say that much" Saff concluded about the day she had, yawning, "My power, I think it's getting stronger. It's as if I knew what I had to do, I've never felt that much pain though" Saffron said, staring into the distance. Drusilla was evil, but inflicting pain on others made her guilty. She couldn't shake the feeling. She hadn't stopped thinking about it, but she felt she had no other choice.

"I'm glad, she deserves worse" Buffy said firmly, knowing the way her cousin cared too much about things that she took for granted. She was a vampire. She deserved worse. It reminded her of how Buffy had wanted to stake her because of what she did in high school.

"Yeah, did it for Kendra as much as I was saving my own skin" Saff said, yawning again, still wondering about her power to influence others emotions. Buffy obviously was as well, as she replied, "I'll ask Giles about your wacky powers getting stronger later, I'll have to drop by after patrol he said he has something he needs to speak to me about"

The next day, Saffron had managed to convince everyone to stay in for the afternoon. It was a Sunday afternoon and the four women were watching a movie together. As Dawn reached for the popcorn bowl that was in Saff's hands, with her other hand she slipped something onto Saff's lap. She frowned. It was a note, in scrawled handwriting that she recognised.

_Crypt. Tonight._

Saff had frowned and Dawn had shrugged in response. She had been planning to go anyway. She realised why he had left a note when she walked in. He'd been planning something. There were lit candles resting on almost every surface and rose petals had been arranged from the door of the crypt towards different parts of the crypt. Soft music was playing in the background. She followed the petals to the couch where she noticed that there was a bottle of champagne on ice, which she wasn't sure how he managed considering there was no freezer in the crypt. She sat down next to him, a frown of confusion on her face.

"Have I hit my head and woken up in a rom-com?" He looked almost embarrassed at her words, she felt instantly bad for what she said. He had really made an effort, but she didn't need these things for her to believe he cared, "I love it, almost as much as I love you" She explained quickly as he looked back up his features still guarded. They usually enjoyed teasing each other, but they knew there was a time and a place. She beamed at him, throwing some petals in the air to show her appreciation. They slowly came back to the ground, not before some landed on the pair. Spike still didn't look convinced. Maybe he had overdone it with the romance? 

"I really am drowning in you, Honeysuckle. Since the moment I laid eyes on you. I bloody hate watching you walk out of that door. I need you with me. By my side" Spike said, starting to shift in his seat as if he wanted to move, "I need you with me always" Saffron hadn't realised from the display in the crypt what this might have meant until now. Her eyes widened and she moved to sit herself on his lap, in case he was about to do what she thought he was going to do. She was straddling him as she ran a hand along the side of his face, along his jaw and the other hand weaved through his bleach-blonde hair. They looked into each others eyes, an understanding that could have been left unspoken. But she needed him to know how much she cared.

"I love you, Spike. I'll never stop, not for anything. I feel it too, you know. You're a part of me, in everything I do. I never knew how to describe it until you spoke those words" She poured these emotions between them, things she had thought so many times before. Left unspoken, hoping he would know through her touch and her kiss. She thought about how to word her next sentence, trying to show him that she loved the gesture but explaining, "I don't need any of this stuff, I only need you. I'll always need you. But I mean, obviously, I love that you've done it" She added, gesturing to the room with her head before resting it on his chest. He moved his arms to hold her weight, resting his cheek against the top of her head and closing his eyes. He was grateful she hadn't run a mile.

"Too much then?" he murmured, managing to see the humour in it. He really was love's bitch, he was man enough to admit that. Even do all this to prove it. But her, she didn't need it. She was satisfied with him. She was happy with him. His chest lifted when he thought about it. There had never been anyone that had just loved him without him having to prove anything.

"No such thing as too much, when the love's as great as ours" She grinned, leaning over to grab the bottle, opening the champagne and taking a drink straight from the bottle, before handing it to him. His eyes glistened in the candlelight, both of them shared a smile as they made the most of their romantic evening.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32:

The three girls made their way through the streets, the sun was beating down on them as they made their way to the magic box. Tara, Willow and Saff were almost skipping through the town, the weather was so nice, and it made their moods improve. The witches trusted her, they had no reason not to. They knew more than anyone, including Saff herself, what the fear of losing friends over being in a relationship was like. Their conversation had turned to the most recent events, which didn't match the sunny weather, they were discussing the robot that had visited Sunnydale looking for Warren.

"That poor girl. She would never have stopped until she found him again and again" Tara said sadly, referring to Warren's robot that had recently come to town that Buffy and the others had had to deal with.

"Well, she was a robot. I really wish I could get my hands on her" Willow said, before quickly adding, "You know, to study how she was made. Strictly work, no play" Willow confirmed, going red at the implication she had wanted a robot for herself.

"I mean can you imagine being desperate enough to make a sex robot? And what was with the super strength thing? Unless he was into being held down I suppose…" Saffron considered. She looked at the other two girls, trailing off when he saw their faces. They didn't seem to want to discuss this any further and Saffron just shrugged.

"Are you excited for your birthday, Saffy?" Willow asked quickly, diverting the conversation from taking another turn. Both girls linked her arm on either side as she started to answer. Tara and Saffron winced slightly at the icy cold feeling on contact, but neither of them said anything.

"You know, just hoping a certain bitch of a slayer doesn't seek me out and finally kill me off this year. That's one birthday tradition I don't want a repeat of" Saffron said laughing, but she meant every word. A big part of her was nervous for her birthday. She had a weird feeling and she blamed Faith because of it. They rounded the corner and the Magic Box was in sight.

"Hey, I'm sure you have absolutely nothing to worry about!" Willow said, enthusiastically which made Saffron smile at her friend. They all quickened their pace as the store came into view.

"Famous last words Will" Saff replied, shaking her head slightly, still smiling. She had decided to be cautious this time, she planned on making it past her first day of turning 20. The three of them broke from linking arms so they could get through the front door of the shop. As they entered, they caught the end of a discussion between Buffy, Xander and Giles and the three girls stopped as they listened in.

"Why does bleach boy have to come to Saff's party?" Xander whined, taking a big bite out of a donut. He was finally okay with Saffron, but he wasn't okay with Spike. At all.

"You know why, Xander" Buffy warned him, giving him a look. She understood how he felt, but she saw the way the two cared for each other and she had decided to be supportive of her cousin, especially in front of the others who weren't so accepting.

"I dare say I actually, ah, agree with Xander for once" Giles said, "It is a surprise party, we could simply say that we forgot to mention it to him…" Giles trailed off as he cast an eye to the front of the shop and seeing the very girl they were planning a surprise party for. He took his glasses off and cleaned them vigorously.

"Surprise…" Will said with her hands up as she turned to Saffron. Saff rolled her eyes at them all, but smiled that they had still been planning her a party despite everything that had happened recently. Buffy turned to Xander and gave him a frown, she shoved his shoulder for revealing the party to Saffron as he complained and mentioned that Giles was the one that had said the words surprise party. Saffron crossed her arms and looked around the room.

"Well at least now I can shut this thing down. No party, guys. I don't want to attract attention to any of us" She hoped that they understood what she meant by that, but the others all complained at the same time. She didn't want to mention Dawn in case one of Glory's minions was hanging around.

"You're gonna be 20!"

"Saffy! It'll be fun!"

"Come on, we need this!"

"You have to celebrate, SP! We know how much you love to boo-gie!" Xander piped up, smiling at her. She finally gave in when she noticed they all really wanted her to have a party.

"Fine! But if anyone tries to kill me, I'm banning parties, full stop. Okay?" She warned them as they cheered. She shook her head and started to walk over to her Tarot reading table. She closed the curtains so customers knew not to disturb her just yet as she started to set everything up.

Saffron was shuffling her tarot cards slowly. She could hear the chatter in the store as it was another busy day. She decided she was going to open the curtain to show she was ready to take readings. She was going to open it earlier, but one customer had kept bugging her to do a reading so she had stubbornly kept the curtains closed for another thirty minutes to spite her. She didn't owe anyone a reading, especially someone who was rudely pressuring her. She got up to pull the curtain back, but something stopped her. A voice.

"Is the one you may call the eye here?" A masculine voice asked. He spat the word 'you' with disdain. It sounded as if it was near the till. Saffron moved closer to the curtain and peaked through the gap in the curtains to see what was going on. Giles answered him, telling him that he had plenty of salamander eyes in jars on the counter. The customer shook his head and repeated his question. A cold chill froze Saffron to the spot. His intentions weren't good. He scanned the room and Saffron gasped when she saw his face. The man was dressed all in white, from his shoes to the beret on his head. The only thing that wasn't white was a small logo embroidered on his white polo top, which was a stitched yellow eye. His face was what she had paid the most attention to, however. His face looked as if it had melted, and it glowed a bright white light. She blinked at the light, it was so bright it made green patterns on the inside of her eyelids. When she looked back, it was a normal human face. _Almost attractive_, she thought with a frown. The man continued to scan the room before angrily slamming his fist into the nearby table which snapped as if it was a twig. He seemed frustrated his eye wasn't there. The customers all scattered and left as Saffron stayed rooted to the spot, watching through the gap between the curtain. Giles started to walk towards him but stopped short. Most of the Scoobies were now behind the counter. Xander was looking for anything they could use as a weapon. Buffy ran over from the back room where she had been training and quickly took the man on. He was incredibly strong, but still no match for Buffy. She threw in some kicks for good measure as he started to make a run for it to the exit. He stopped briefly when he saw an eye peaking through the curtain but looked behind him and rushed out of the door.

"And stay out!" Xander shouted as the man ran down the street.

"Unless you bring money and want to exchange it for any merchandise!" Anya added, shouting after the man. Willow pulled a face at what Anya said, but turned to the rest of the group to see what they were all thinking.

"What do you reckon he meant? The eye?" Buffy looked to Giles for clues. The man was grieving for the loss of another expensive piece of furniture as he looked at the table that was now two tables.

"Well he said I might call it that, so perhaps a-an idol of sorts? A deity or, well it could just be an average demon. I'll-"

"Consult the books" Everyone chorused, guessing what Giles was about to say before he said it.

"Well yes" He said, looking a bit deflated. This soon changed as his eyes lit up at the dusty volumes he found on the shelf that he was excited to get stuck into.

"Did you see his shirt? Maybe he's the real eye and he wants to find out who's been committing identity theft" Xander said, trying to make a joke. The others all grabbed a book each, ready to join in on the research party.

"Who or what could it be?"

"Me" Saffron said, finally coming out from behind her curtain as everyone stared at her, a sudden realisation on their faces. Drusilla had called her the eye before she left. She had the sight; she must be the eye. It was her he was after.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It was a dark, stormy night. The murky clouds swirled with the deep blue hues of the night sky. No stars could be seen as the sky was completely blanketed in the thick rain clouds. The rain hadn't long since finished pouring for the evening and usually it would be a welcome break from the stifling heat of California, but it was so out of place it made the atmosphere even more odd. The graveyard was silent. Too silent. The only noise that could be heard were the footprints of the heavy, black boots on the soft ground. The silence was unnerving, and this was the reason she stumbled and fell onto a fresh grave. The thick mound of dirt cushioned her fall, but it wasn't a pleasant place to stop for a rest.

"Shit. Sorry, uh…" She checked the name of the gravestone, "Mr. Michael Thompson. Thanks for catching my fall, such a gentleman" She whispered to the mound of now flattened earth, as if she was expecting a reply. She stood up slowly and started dusting herself off. A twig snapped behind her and she froze. Mr Thompson couldn't save her now. A chilling shiver ran down her spine as she didn't dare look behind her. The hairs on the back of her neck were raised and she pulled her leather jacket around her to warm herself up. She tried to plan a route out of this, but it seemed hopeless. She could tell her every move was being watched.

She sprung into movement quickly, if they had blinked, they would have missed her. But they never blink. She walked quickly to her destination, which turned into a sprint that champion athletes would have been jealous of. She rounded the corner and counted the third crypt on the left. If she just made it there, she should be safe. She still couldn't dare look behind her, her hands were shaking as she fumbled with the familiar door to try and gain access.

"Shit, shit, shit! Let me in" She slammed her hands into the door in frustration, she must have miscounted in her panic. She had little time to reach the right one now. It felt like she had already lost. She made one last feeble attempt at opening the door, before she turned to face the music. She hoped it would be quick. She leant back against the crypt door, holding her breath as she awaited her fate.

The door behind her opened inwards and she fell back and landed hard on her back. She looked up as a muscled, bleach-blonde man loomed over her. He was leather-clad and all in black with a cigarette between his lips. He tilted his head to examine her, clearly confused at the way she had entered his crypt. He leaned over to wrench the door shut before turning back to her.

"You could have said it was you, pet. I thought it was Harmony on the bloody lam again" He said, not noticing how spooked Saffron was. He leaned in to take her arm and help her up. She hadn't managed to speak yet, it was as if the fear had stolen her voice. She silently walked over to the sofa and sat on the edge, shifting every so often, unable to get comfortable. Spike closed the fridge and she jumped violently. He looked at her with concern, finally realising something was wrong. "Honeysuckle?" He asked kneeling in front of her, "Saff?" He tried instead.

"They're after me"

"Who? Who's after you, love?" His expression became more serious, he wanted to protect her if someone was targeting her.

"The men- the men in white"

"We've been over this, not every vampire is after you, love. You're not that bloody biteable"

"N-no the men in white, they think I'm the eye. Or, well, not the eye. They want me dead" She explained. She managed to elaborate further, to explain to him exactly what had happened at the Magic box earlier that day and the research telling them it was a part of some kind of cult. She could tell she was being followed as she walked through the streets to get to the crypt and she didn't know if they were just watching or they wanted more. She had stood up and started pacing as she told her story, she was nervous just thinking about it. Spike had tried to get her to sit, the moving about was doing his head in but she just kept talking. She was scared. She always talked too much when she was like this.

"Sit down" Spike loudly cut through another account of how the trees had eyes as she walked past them, "Sit. Down." He ordered again as she just stood there. She finally listened to him, moving towards the couch, biting the skin around her nails as she went. He sat next to her, in his usual place, "I think I know how I can cheer you up" He whispered in her ear. He moved her hand from her face, saving the skin around her nails from a fate worse than death.

"I'm not in the mood… I know, shocker" she said when he raised his eyebrows, before adding, "Sort of afraid for my life here"

"No, not that. Although, later… when you're out of death's clutches" He added, winking slightly. He reached into his pocket and took out a small package. She quickly took the package and unwrapped it, looking up at him confused as she started to see flashes of silver. She tore the paper away and it revealed a lighter. A silver lighter, the kind spike used was now in her hands. She clasped the cold metal and smiled at it. It was beautiful. She looked up at Spike and grinned, temporarily forgetting that people were trying to kill her. It was perfect. He took it from her hands and flipped it over, revealing it had been engraved.

_S.V.P.,_ her initials.

She smiled wider and launched herself at him, a hug that would have surely crushed his bones if he had been human. She whispered her thank yous and peppered his face in tiny kisses to show her appreciation before turning back to the small silver gift. She smiled, feeling the weight of it in her hands.

"How about we christen it, Honey?" He took two cigarettes from his own pack and handed her over one. She flicked the side, igniting the flame as they both leaned in to light up. Eyes both bright as they stared into each other's through the light of the flame. _This is what love feels like. The truest form._

Spike did everything he could to try and distract her from her worries. She had been staring over at the door for half of the night, and her gift for the other half. He eventually decided that a movie would have to do. He had started to collect videos he thought she might like. Some were from the dump, but most were stolen from video rental stores whenever he got the chance. Her face seemed to light up when she saw a new one and he loved seeing the excitement light up her face too much to stop. Even if some of the videos were girly flicks he had no intention of actually watching.

"No horror, I've had enough of jump-scares for one day" She said over her shoulder as she fixed them some drinks. He was looking through the collection, trying to find one that would keep her attention enough to forget about the threat, but not so much that she wouldn't pay him plenty of attention as well. She said he could pick, she just wanted to sit on the sofa and do nothing. She was tired, on edge and just needed her boyfriend close to her. They finally settled in, drinks in their hands and a movie on the box. They curled up together and Saff was visibly starting to relax in his presence, yawning and she nestling closer to him.

There was a knock at the door. The eerie sound echoed through the crypt. Both of them jolted, sitting upright. The pair looked at each other, clearly spooked. No one ever knocked. Spike stalked over and wrenched the door open to reveal… absolutely nothing. He sighed and returned to the sofa, slamming the door behind him and sitting back with a thud. He settled close to Saffron, leaning his head to rest on top of hers as they relaxed into each other once more. They almost managed to reach the end of the film before another knock rang out.

"What is this knock-a-door-bloody-run?" He shouted into the quiet night. He slammed the door once again, exhaling his frustration as he turned back to her. He paused for a split second when he saw her face, she was scared. He didn't think he had ever seen that look placed so prominently on her face before. He never wanted to see it again either.

Spike ushered his love to the lower level of the crypt, her eyes wouldn't move from the door and he felt her worry as much as his own. Saffron shakily laid out some clothes for the next day, they were going for a meal with Joyce and the others. Spike was invited this year and Joyce was talking about smuggling him some pigs blood in a hip flask. It was safe to say that Joyce approved of their relationship. Of their love. They were set to meet the others at lunch time for her birthday tradition before she went to her 'surprise' party. Spike was taking the underground route to the restaurant and Joyce had requested a table that was downstairs, with all curtains closed. She cited a sun allergy which made Saffron smile. Spike had never known such platonic care, especially since he had been sired, he truly saw Joyce as a treasure. As family.

Saffron didn't really want to go, she wanted to hide here in Spike's arms and he could tell. But he didn't want her to miss something so important. A day to celebrate her. His whispered laments, between soft kisses on her exposed skin, told her she was strong. That she shouldn't stop living her life because of a threat. She had looked death in the eye and won many times, he joked that she had cheated death more times than he had taken lives. This earned him a harsh look, that softened when she realised he was trying to distract her with humour. The way she always tried to do for him. He pulled her into his side, the bed swallowing them up in a nest of blankets. It was safety and warmth and she wouldn't have it any other way. If this was her last moment, she could go happily by his side.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The party was going surprisingly well. _Too well,_ Saffron thought to herself. She had a strange feeling. She had been enjoying her friends company, her party was in the front room of Revello and plenty of people were walking around and dancing. They'd had cake and presents and now they were partying until the sun came up (partially because when the sun did come up, Saff wanted to go to bed with Spike). Spike had an arm around her, he had noticed the watcher, well, watching and he wanted to show that he was definitely staying at the party. He leaned in, planting a kiss on the side of her head which made her beam up at him. She sighed happily, she had never had a party go this well. She was surrounded by people happy and wanting her around, she could feel it. _So why was there that doubt in the back of her mind?_ Her smile had dropped and Spike was acutely aware that her mind was wandering somewhere it didn't need to. He cleared his throat, acting a gentleman as he moved from her side.

"Wanna dance, love?" Spike asked, holding his hand out for her to take. This snapped her out of whatever she had been thinking as she looked back to him, focusing her eyes properly this time.

"What like fight me? Now?" She asked, confused, "I wanna party" She pouted. Spike rolled his eyes and took her hand in his, bringing her to the middle of the room that was now a dancefloor. He started to dance to the loud music and she smiled widely and started to jump about in time with him. Saffron had convinced a band she liked called _Tea for Tigers,_ an L.A punk band she had seen a few times, to play when she had found out about her 'surprise' party. She couldn't trust the others taste in music. The pair were having a good time dancing wildly to the music and Spike hadn't had this much fun in public for a while. He didn't care what anyone else thought, he was just glad Saff was having a good time. It had been a task convincing her to come to her own party. She had been adamant that something was coming after her.

From across the room, Willow, Tara, Buffy and Xander were watching the pair laughing and jumping around. Buffy couldn't help smiling at her cousin, she seemed happier than she'd seen her in, well, ever.

"You have to admit, they're sweet together" Willow said, grinning at how her friend seemed to glow with happiness in Spike's presence. Tara nodded, her and Willow were happy again too – they had had a fight when Willow found out that Tara knew first but made up quickly. The girls held hands and looked at each other lovingly as Xander responded.

"Yeah, in a he's your average murderer about to pick her as his next victim kinda way" Xander crossed his arms, not willing to see any good in their relationship.

"Look, I wasn't happy about it, but you can't deny their feelings, Xander. At least she's happy" Buffy said. She hadn't come to terms with it completely, but her and Spike had an understanding now. Xander thought about this, he still couldn't stomach the thought of one of his best friends being with Spike. But he let it go, seeing as it was Saff's birthday.

Giles watched the pair from the corner of the room, sipping slowly on his whiskey. They did seem to be enamoured with each other in a way he had only seen once before. He shook his head from that thought, as he had expected that hadn't ended well either. But he could see there was definitely _something_ between them.

Suddenly, every entrance to the house was smashed into, loud noise making it hard to know where to look, how to protect themselves. A large group of men in white robes and berets appeared, various weapons in their hands as their eyes scanned the room for their target. The people that had been enjoying the party all backed away from the men the best they could. Buffy sighed, ready to take on whatever this was. Spike grabbed Saff's hand and pulled her to the middle of the room with the rest of the Scoobies. He kept one eye on her and the other on the possible threat. He couldn't lose her.

"Look, can't you have a night off? This was supposed to be mine" Buffy pouted as she reached for the weapon she had kept with her. Just in case.

"We have come for the imposter" The man, apparently the spokesperson for the group, said from behind his all-white mask. He was dressed slightly differently from the others and the hood of his cloak had fallen to reveal dark, long hair that they instantly recognised as the man from earlier.

"Look, nobody's going anywhere with you lot looking like that. You all look like members of the KKK. Fuck off" Saffron shouted. Spike frowned at her, she needed to keep quiet. He couldn't lose her. He placed a hand on her waist, for protection and to remind her he was right there with her.

"She speaks with command, as if her eye were the truth. The arrogance is potent as she recruits her comrades to the cause. A false cause that-"

"Why are you speaking like that? It's the millennium, kids, we talk like _totally_ better than that now" Spike's grip on her waist tightened as she spoke, she seemed to be riling them up on purpose and he wasn't sure why. Neither was she.

"We are the Order. We serve the true eye. May He be the judgement as we smite _it_ down on His behalf"

"Over my undead body, mate" Spike said loudly, standing in front of Saffron protectively.

"Seriously, I don't give one about your Order of the Phoenix or whatever is going on here. Your eye probably is true and bright and I'm sure you serve it like really well" She said from behind of Spike. The members of the group kept looking around the room, evaluating the party-goers, trying to make sure they had the right one.

"We are here for the false prophet, the one that disrespects the true eye!" The main one who had been doing the talking got angry and walked up to where Spike was stood in front of Saffron.

"Can I just ask? Is the creepy phantom of the opera mask a fashion statement or to stop blinding everyone in your presence? Cos, you guys might wanna focus less on the eyes and more on what's going on with your faces. Perhaps a doctor or something?" All of the people in the masks turned to face her. They were in no doubt now that she was the false prophet, as they put it. Only it would see the light, it was their strength against it. They all stood in a defensive stance, ready to fight her. The Scoobies, and Spike, matched their stance. Ready to fight for her. Suddenly, all of the masked intruders put the palms of their hands over their eyes, or the eye holes of their masks, and all spoke at the same time, as if they were praying.

"O Leander! O Leander! May your eye see us through. May your presence guide us against this evil. For thine is the glory, the power and the sight. Rid us of thee, honeysuckle blight" by the end, their voices spoke as one. _"Glory?"_ Xander mouthed and Giles shook his head to show it was a coincidence. Something really bad was going on. Spike tensed his jaw as they mentioned honeysuckle, he was ready to fight them. They removed their hands and light came from all of their eyes. They stared at Saffron and she took a step back.

Buffy and Spike charged at the same time as they did. The rest of the party cleared out and left the Scoobies to it, Dawn and Joyce were ushered out with them. Willow and Tara quickly held hands and started reciting a spell. Anya, Xander and Giles started to fight to stop them getting to saff. Saffron grabbed a lamp from the corner of the room and hit one of the hooded figures over the head with it. The figure barely even winced as they continued to walk towards her and grab her by the neck. She struggled as the figure in the white beret lifted her off her feet, by her neck, and against the wall. She started to panic as the corners of her eyes went fuzzy, she knew she was going to pass out. She panicked and pulled off the mask as she tried to stop them from holding her up. The light made her wince and she turned to look away, still struggling to breathe. Buffy came and pulled the hooded figure off her quickly and Spike threw him to the floor. Everyone was struggling to keep the group back from Saffron, each had a weapon and were trying to fight the best they could. Spike was furious that they were targeting her and fought as hard as he could, glad that these didn't appear to be human. The one he was fighting had realised that his opponent was a vampire, and had taken out a small, sharpened piece of wood. He started aiming wildly for Spike's heart, ripping into his shirt.

"Oi, that's my fucking favourite!" He shouted, changing into his game face in anger.

The hooded figure was about to plunge it into his chest, but a scream made him pause. Saffron looked at them angrily, their faces contorted into a mixture of shock and pain when they saw her eyes. They all seemed to stop what they were doing before disappearing before them.

"Why didn't you bleeding do that in the first place, love?" Spike asked looking at his girlfriend, although he was relieved that he wasn't dust. He got to his feet, scowling at the damage done to his favourite shirt. Saffron frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but Xander interrupted her.

"Was-was that you?"

"No… I think it was 'the true eye'. I don't have special powers that make people disappear, or I wouldn't have had to suffer seeing Harmony in high school" She did quotation marks when she mentioned the true eye. She was worried now, something was after her. Could this 'true eye' also be the corrupted?

"So… did we win?" Willow asked

"I guess. We're not dead" Xander shrugged.

"Let's take it as a win then"

"Did any of them look corrupted to you?" Saffron asked the room and nobody seemed to remember her destiny except Giles and Spike. She rolled her eyes at the blank faces in the room.

"But why would they want to kill you?" Xander wondered out loud as Anya gave him a look. The look made Saffron smile, Anya was usually the one that had to be looked at for something she said.

"Big prophecy? Empathic nature? Has everyone forgotten?" she looked around the room, exasperated. They had the luxury of forgetting, she guessed.

"Is it not obvious, Xander? They believe that Saffron is not who she claims. They believe that their idol possesses the true sight"

"Also, never claimed to be the eye or the sight or anything, really. The label was sort of thrust upon me" She added.

"Well, it was a good job I was here then" Buffy smiled triumphantly, but then started to frown. Not only was she worried about Dawn but now she remembered she was worried about Saffron too. Saff crossed her arms, pretending to sulk, _"Mom, no fair, Buffy killed my destined enemy! It was supposed to be my turn!"_ She whined in a fake American accent, imitating a toddler having a tantrum. Buffy laughed and hugged her cousin, reminding her that nobody actually killed any of the masked party crashers. She turned to Spike, gesturing she wanted to step outside.

"Happy fucking Birthday to me" She muttered as she walked side-by-side, her hand intertwined with Spike's, on their way for a cigarette. He rubbed his thumb in a small circle on her hand to try and provide her with some comfort as they stepped out of the front door and into the night. She needed to calm her nerves.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron knocked on his door, taking a final drag of her cigarette before he managed to get to the door, knowing it could start an argument. It swung open, he was expecting her.

"I do wish you wouldn't smoke those things, Saffron" Giles said as she flicked the end into the night. She could feel he wasn't so much telling her off, he only cared.

"Don't start on me, G. You know what I'm gonna say" She shrugged, a smile playing on her lips, "Pot, kettle, black… ring any bells?"

"Yes, ah, well then let's say it is from past experience that I know they are not good for you" Giles replied with a small smile at the corner of his lips. It was so familiar, Saffron had to shake herself and remember that she wasn't back to the easier days of a couple years ago where her and Giles would spend plenty of time together drinking tea and talking. He had been a link close enough to England to be important to her, but nothing like her own accent that made her miss her past too much. She missed how simple things had been with her father-figure.

"Nothing like an attempted assassination to bring family back together, right?" Saff said lightly, although she was still recovering if she was honest. At the time, she had this surge of confidence as if she felt she could take them all on, which just wasn't true. She was so thankful that everyone was there with her, or she would definitely have no chance.

"You see us as, ah, family?"

"I, uh, did" a horrible silence filled the room, Giles stared at the girl, unsure what could be said. Instead he pulled her into a hug. It was stiff at first, cautious. But both of them needed the hug though, and eventually relaxed. Forgetting the English stereotype for now.

"Weird about the _'O Leander!'_ shite wasn't it? Wasn't the plant we looked at an Oleander?"

"I believe this _O Leander_ character is toying with you. He may well be the corrupted one the prophecy speaks of, but to find out we must-"

"Hit the books!" She finished for him and they shared a smile that neither of them had seen of the other in a while.

"I was going to say one of those Google searches, but I, ah, guess we could look into some of the older volumes"

Giles had opened a book, pointing out that it was the oldest and closest to the prophecies that were also littering the table in his living room. Piles of dusty books and papers were stacked across the room. It was hard to differentiate the Glory readings from the Corrupted. Saffron flipped through a few, but thought it best not to mess up his piles in case they meant something.

He read quietly for a while, but snapped the book closed suddenly. His head whipped up and he stared directly at Saffron. The noise brought Saff's attention to him, but this stare wasn't his. He wasn't blinking for starters. His eyes went different colours, bright white but purple ran through it as if his eyes were now a lava lamp. The purple lava-like pattern lit up the brightest, she was almost hypnotised by it. There was no pupil, his whole eye was this colour now. Without reading, Giles started to recite something, his eyesight never wavering from Saffron's eyes.

_"First: The order of the Eye. They were set up to legitimise the claim to be the 'true eye'. Once accepted, they believe their cause is righteous. Let the True Sight instead fill their hearts and minds with the truth._

_Second: The test. The true eye must face the test, feeling it is proof that they have the pure connection and can protect world from the Corrupted One. Feel it but overcome. The pure of heart must conquer, with their sight providing the balm to the people._

_The third and final stage: 'the reckoning of the corrupted one', this is as the apocalypse nears and one must defeat their shadow self to balance the elements once more. One's death must leave the other to survive as they mirror their destinies. Only one path can prevail."_ Giles finished as abruptly as he started, his face draining of colour as he held his head. He rubbed it distractedly and Saff brought him some water to try and help. Giles had no recollection of what was said, but thankfully Saffron had written it down. She knew he would ask, and when his eyes went a strange colour she knew it was best to either grab a pen or a weapon. He promised to study it in time for their next prophecy-reading session. Apparently, those were back on again.

"G, now we're all with the making up, can I ask you a very small favour?" She smiled sweetly after he had appeared to be recovering. She batted her eyes, trying to convince him. She stopped short of influencing him slightly, wanting their relationship to be better again.

"Ah, well, yes, I just need to lie down" he said, rubbing his head as he slowly walked up the stairs. Saffron smiled brightly and set to work.

She awkwardly kicked the door of the crypt, her only way of knocking. Her hands were full, she couldn't manage to reach to open it. The door swung open to reveal Spike's face, lit up by the moonlight. His cheekbones cast a shadow on his face and his eyebrow crooked in a way that only he could make attractive as he looked down at what was in her hands. He frowned, unsure what was going on. The tray in her hands was wobbling and she had various bags hanging from her arms that somehow she had managed to carry through the night, dodging various nasties as she went.

"Am I invited in?" She asked with an expectant smile.

"You don't need the invitation" He replied, squinting with suspicion.

"No but in decent society, we are in the business of waiting for one"

"Come in, pet" He shook his head, bemused as he walked in, leaving the door open for her. Leaving her there to haul everything she had brought over the threshold.

"You moving in?" He asked, eyeing all the bags she had brought and the tray she was trying to balance carefully as she walked across the room.

"No, something much better!"

"And what might that be?"

"Celebrating!" She said excitedly, as she crouched over all of the things she had left on the couch as she sifted through everything she needed.

"I thought you'd have had enough of all the celebration after your uh, 'never to be repeated shitshow of a party'" Spike mimicked what she had said after they ha recovered from her party. She whipped around and had a cone-shaped party hat on her head and a wide grin on her face. No prizes for most ridiculously dressed, but she came very close. Spike stared, eyes wide. He didn't know what was going on.

"Happy Death-day!" She shouted excitedly, having lit a candle on the tray bake she had made. He stared at her and then the cake. And then back again.

"Have you gone buggering mad?"

"No, I double checked the date and everything! It's not fair we celebrate my birthday, or enjoy a good beat-Saffron-up-day, and never do anything for you!"

"You didn't have to..."

"I wanted to"

"No, really. You didn't have to" He said pointing at the ridiculous hat on her head.

"Oh, don't worry! You've got one too. Now, blow out the candle would you? I think you're gonna end up eating melted wax if you don't" He leant in to blow it out. Humouring her. And he caught a whiff of the cake. He frowned and sniffed again. Before looking up to her.

"What's… what's in this love?"

"Secret family recipe…" She said, tapping her nose as he gave her another look, "…well it's new to the family. In fact, first time it's probably ever been made. I'm calling it the vampire's red velvet"

"Blood?"

"Mhm, mixed it in with the milk and eggs" She beamed, passing him a spoon for the cake, "You should see Giles' kitchen, it looks as if there's been a massacre" she giggled and then frowned at herself for laughing.

"You'd do all that… for me?"

"It was okay, I dialled down the guilt I felt using the animal products. I mean, I feel it now but, since it's your special day…" she tailed off, rubbing her head and willing the pain to subside, "I'll give you the recipe… I probably won't be able to make it again" She admitted. She had taken a lot of pain killers for her head, but nothing was easing the discomfort that came from using blood in her cooking. Except maybe the small smile on Spike's face at what she had done for him.

Spike let out a low throaty chuckle as he pulled her in close. He told her that she was the best Death-day present he could wish for. He lifted her chin up towards him as she moved to press her lips to his, he smirked instead leaving languid kisses across her jaw and down her neck. She bit back a small moan, knowing a way to tease him back.

"Even better than real presents?" She asked breathily as his hands started to roam. He nodded, nipping at her neck slightly. "Well, I'll not bother with them then, we can just sit here and-"

"Alright, that's enough of the romantic bollocks, where's my gift love?" He abruptly stopped and moved to look her in the eye. She smiled, still recovering from the feel of his lips on her skin, and rooted in one of the bags, producing two neatly wrapped presents. She had asked Anya to help her wrap everything, seeing as that was her hidden talent. Spike snatched the gifts and tore into them, revealing a CD case, that read 'punk mix' and a red shirt that looked almost identical to the one that had been rendered unwearable from the fight on Saffron's birthday.

"I mean, it's not much… I just tried to get things I hoped you'd like" she shrugged, feeling embarrassed now he had opened them. She wished she could give him everything he had ever wanted. But the CD and the shirt would have to do. For now.

"They're perfect" He smiled warmly at her, flipping the case over and reading the songs she had included for him, written in sparkly gel pens that made him smile further. A mix of old and new songs that she hoped he'd appreciate. Spike had never felt this before, or if he had, it had been so long ago he had forgotten. He wasn't often thought of, but he should have known that she would remember. Only her.

The pair curled up on the sofa together, Saff had put the cd in the boombox she had brought with her as spike only had a record-player and she hadn't quite mastered burning things onto them yet. They squabbled over Spike not wearing a party hat and he removed hers, while he distracted her with a kiss. They eventually settled down, their hands running over each other's skin tenderly and Spike kissed her neck softly as he tried to keep the picture of this scene in mind. A moment so perfect there should be songs made about it. Or perhaps a poem. She hummed along to a song as he relaxed into the side of her neck. She held him for a long time, as the sun set and rose again. Her hands weaved between strands of bleach blonde as they relaxed further into each other. He held her as close as he could, running his hands over her softly. They were content together. It was the best Death-day Spike had ever had. Because she was there.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quick tw for character death (yes it's that part of the show) and use of alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Chapter 33:

Buffy and Saffron walked through the front door of Revello Drive, a place that was now their home again. They were laughing and Saffron hadn't felt this good in a long time. Her birthday had been a disaster, but she was grateful for everyone being around her. Her and Buffy had been on a shopping trip and they were discussing something they had seen at lunch, she was glad they were closer again. Saff turned and closed the door behind them and noticed the flowers left for Joyce. This made her smile wider and she gestured at them which made them both giggle like school girls at Joyce having a boyfriend. Buffy shouted up the stairs at Joyce, but she didn't reply. Saffron put her bags on the couch in the living room and turned around to see Joyce lying on the sofa. Saffron smiled at her auntie and turned to grab a throw from the chair she had left her bags on to place over her.

"She's in here, Buff" Saff half-whispered so Joyce didn't wake. Saffron started to walk over with the light grey throw in her hand, ready to wrap around her. She stopped suddenly, squinting at Joyce. Something wasn't right. Buffy entered the room, but Saff hadn't noticed, the smile had dropped from her face and she stared with a frown. Buffy looked at her cousin, then at her mom. Buffy knew then. Saff ran over to Joyce and chucked the throw on the floor. She started to check her pulse, with no joy. Buffy was panicking and shouting for her mom. Saffron looked at Buffy, her eyes were watering but she didn't have time for that now. She ran to the phone and dialled the ambulance. Saffron asked for their advice, her voice was frantic.

"CPR?" Saffron looked lost, she had never learnt. Buffy looked like she had an idea and rushed over to try. Saffron checked Joyce's pulse again but something sickened her. Cold. Saffron sunk to her knees and Buffy watched her in panic. Saffron had given up. Buffy couldn't give it up, she cracked Joyce's ribs and screamed. Saffron just watched blankly, she knew there was no hope. She had seen and felt this before. Buffy took the phone off Saffron where her hand had been hovering in mid-air, the phone no longer at her ear. Buffy kept trying to revive Joyce but when she mentioned she was cold, they told her to wait for the EMTs.

They arrived and quickly determine that Joyce was gone, saying they're sorry for their loss. Saffron watched the room, unable to move from her original spot. The responders had brought Joyce closer to where she was kneeling now, she couldn't take her eyes off Joyce. The men started to leave and Buffy said something to them before they went, but Saffron can't hear it. She's been weighed down into the spot.

Saffron knelt there for a long time, she didn't know how long. All she could think about was Joyce. She was losing a mother all over again. She couldn't move, she could barely think, it was as if her thoughts were wading through thick liquid. She was completely numb again, no emotion reached her as she knelt there. She couldn't only hear things faintly, mostly Buffy moving around and the faint sound of wind chimes.

It was as if time had stopped for her. Everything else was happening around her, Buffy walked into the room every so often but Saffron couldn't move her head away from Joyce's limp form. Her auntie had been fine before they left. Why couldn't she feel anything? Why was she gone?

Giles arrived and him and Buffy spoke before he tried to revive her. He looked at Saffron and Buffy in concern as they both stared, in complete shock.

"She's dead" Saffron said bluntly from where she was knelt. Her hands were running through her hair now, she could move again. Like a tap being turned back on, life started to rush back to her. She noticed her hands had blood on them, she gasped and then looked at Joyce. She isn't bleeding. On further inspection, the blood was coming from around her nails. Saffron had picked the skin from around all of her nails until she bled and she hadn't even noticed.

"Don't move the body!" Buffy screamed and brought her hand to her mouth, upset at how she had referred to her Mom. Saffron looked up at her and saw the tears in her eyes, they matched her own. Saffron had winced at Buffy's words and started sobbing uncontrollably. She screamed incoherently and Giles went to hold the girl, horrified at what had happened. Blood mixed with her tears as she tried to wipe her face with her hands. Buffy sunk down and knelt next to them. She hugged Saffron and Saff moved to hold on to her cousin. Giles still tried to comfort them both, trying to find the words but none came to him. He stayed with them until they had cried until no more tears would come.

They thought of Dawn. They were going to have to tell her. This made Saffron cry again, she knew how it was to lose your parent that young. She didn't want Dawn to have to face that. Buffy said that she would go alone, but Saffron couldn't let her do that. She held Buffy's hand as they got into Giles' car and he drove them to the school.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_I am a passenger, And I ride and I ride_

The school loomed over them with menace as they pulled up in the car park. Giles offered to come and help, but they decided it needed to be them. Buffy and Saffron hadn't let go of each other's hands since the house. They couldn't let go, it was as if they were scared to lose each other like they lost Joyce.

_I ride through the city's backside, I see the stars come out of the sky_

The walk down the halls to find Dawn's classroom was the longest of her life. Saffron couldn't get the song out of her head, it played on repeat just like it had in England after her parents had died. It was taunting her. They found Dawn's classroom and Buffy spoke to the teacher. Saffron hadn't managed to form complete sentences since she had stopped talking on the phone.

_Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky, You know it looks so good tonight_

She saw Dawn's face. She looked happy enough. Her biggest worry was her algebra homework. That youthful innocence, the naivety that there's always a happy ending. Her more than most, as she has a slayer for a sister to keep the demons at bay. Even with being the key, she believes Buffy will make it okay again. But some things can never be whole again. In a matter of minutes her whole world would be shattered. Saffron didn't want her to know. She'd pretend Joyce was on a long holiday if she could, but that wouldn't be fair.

_I am the passenger, I stay under glass_

Saffron sighed as Dawn slowly walked out of the classroom and stood in front of the two girls. Saffron couldn't speak, her mouth was so dry she felt like she hadn't had anything to drink in years. When did she last have a drink? Buffy told Dawn. She couldn't sugar coat it and Saffron knew that's how she would have put it too. Dawn wouldn't believe them. She called them liars, she screamed at them. She realised it was the truth and couldn't hold back the eruption of tears. Each girl's eyes filled with tears and they tried to comfort each other. Neither of them blamed her for her reaction.

"I'm so sorry Dawny" Saff choked out.

"I'm sorry too, she was yours too" Dawn said between sobs. The three girls barely made it out of the school, they battled through the grief with each step they took along that corridor.

_I look through my window so bright, I see the stars come out tonight_

Saffron was trying to hang on. She needed to be there for the others, she knew that. But there was something inside of her. She couldn't describe it. It upset her but it was there. This black hole of bitterness and anger churned through her. The choppy waves of burning resentment towards the world crashed over her. How could they take her?

_Over the city's ripped-back sky, And everything looks good tonight_

The song, her own personal hell, was still playing on loop. Everything made her burn with rage and she couldn't control it. She was stood outside Revello, they had been to the morgue and she had tried to hold herself together. She felt herself slipping away again. She had just built herself back up, but now she was wearing her grief again. It was like an old pair of gloves, they moulded to her skin as if she was always meant to wear them. She took a drag of her cigarette, she had given up counting how many she had in a day anymore. Each day had blurred into the other, she couldn't even tell anyone what day it was. All she knew was that the funeral was in a week.

_Oh, the passenger. He rides and he rides, He sees things from under glass_

White orchids were arranged around the crematorium and Saffron's heart had dropped when she saw them. She had forgotten that was what had been decided on. She had barely been present when Giles and Buffy had been flipping through the binder of things that needed to be considered for the funeral. Saffron was wearing a plain black shift dress and a leather jacket and her combat boots. She exhaled shakily, taking a sly drink from a metal hip flask before walking towards the others. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to Joyce. She felt like she lost everyone she became close to and it terrified her.

_He looks through his window's eye, He sees the things he knows are his_

"Flowers of death" She whispered bitterly, and Buffy took her hand in her own, and in turn Saff took Dawn's hand with her free one. They all stood around the open grave, Saffron couldn't cry anymore. The coffin had been lowered and the flowers had been placed on top of it. They stood there while people spoke, the three girls couldn't speak in front of everyone, it was too hard. She was trying her hardest to block everything while the funeral was happening, she couldn't bear the grief that was surrounding her. Her own was hard enough to deal with.

_He sees the bright and hollow sky, He sees the city asleep at night_

Everyone started to disappear and Saffron found her shoulders relaxing slightly. Her grip on her cousins loosened and just the scoobies had stayed behind. Dawn decided to leave and stay with Willow and Tara, which had stung Saffron a bit. She knew she was being distant, but she had tried so hard to hide the anger and bitterness she felt from Dawn. Saffron let the emotions through again as most people had left. But she didn't realise that the universe had other plans. She felt it all at once, then black…

_He sees the stars are out tonight, And all of it is yours and mine_

"Saff?" Buffy shook her awake. Shit. Saffron had fainted again. The grief was too much to block out completely, it had been horrible. She had been lying beside Joyce's plot before Buffy helped her up. She didn't know where she was for a moment and then she remembered. She shivered and rubbed her head.

"Sorry" She whispered, not looking in Buffy's eyes. Buffy silently hugged her cousin and Saffron couldn't help crying again. She wanted Buffy to take her hand and tell her everything would be okay. Nothing was going to be bad again, not like last time. But she knew Buffy could never promise her anything like that. She just hoped she wouldn't leave too.

_And all of it is yours and mine, So let's ride and ride and ride and ride_

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had made sure that everyone came to Revello that evening. She wanted to honour Joyce, despite her wish there was to be no wake. Saff had a glass of red wine in her hands and drank it while the others each shared different memories that they had of Joyce. At this point, Saffron took a large sip of her red wine and recounted her own memories to herself.

_Joyce picking her up at the airport after she first arrived and making her feel so welcome._

_Joyce taking Saff to the hairdresser when she had cut her hair by herself._

_Making her hot coco after her heart was broken over yet another boy._

The idea that Joyce was no longer here was hard to come to terms with. They sat around for a long time, sometimes in silence and other times talking loudly to fill the silence. Saffron had been rooting in the liquor cabinet for something stronger. She found some vodka and shrugged. It'll do. She added it to her cola that she had got from the fridge. The others were breaking off into smaller groups and Saffron went to go and talk to Dawn. The poor girl had taken it hard, they all had. Saffron tried her best to use the last remaining emotional influence she could muster to calm the room of their grief. Especially Dawn's. It was hard though, drinking seemed to affect the way she could use her powers. The numbness was taking over.

Saffron had gone outside to smoke, bringing the bottle she had found outside with her. She took a big swig before setting the bottle down and lighting up her cigarette. She had been lost in her own thoughts, or lack thereof. She was staring blankly at the side of next door's house while she inhaled. She was stood around the side of the house and turned her head slightly, she could feel some kind of argument happening. She frowned, grabbing her bottle and throwing her end over the fence into the next door's garden. She turned the corner and saw Xander and Willow stood like guards to the house. Spike was there, with flowers in his hand. They were yellow and pretty, he seemed to have actually bought them, there was brown paper wrapped around the stems.

"Joyce was decent, all I was doing was paying my respects"

"No, all you're doing is manipulating one of my best friends. You think cheap flowers will prove you're some sort of decent boyfriend?" Xander shivered after he said boyfriend as if the idea was repulsive. Saffron took another drink of her alcohol and focused on walking in a straight line, so the others knew she was there. Xander's eyes bulged when he realised that she had been listening. Saffron didn't even look at him, all she did was take Spike's free hand and lead him into the house. She closed the door and the two of them faced each other in the hall of the house. Spike placed the flowers on the side and turned back to Saffron.

"How you holding up, love?" He asked, his eyes searching her face. Her eyes were bloodshot, telling a story he already suspected. A silence passed between them as she tried to organise how she was feeling.

"Drink?" She asked finally, offering him the bottle.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked, taking the bottle, and a large drink from it. He was more concerned about her though. She shook her head, looking at the ground. He put a hand on the left side of her face, cupping her cheek and tilting her to face him. Her eyes were filled with tears again, as she whispered something even he couldn't hear. When he asked her to repeat herself, a tear rolled down her cheek and he caught it with his thumb and wiped it away, "Stay with me?" She whispered, only slightly louder, showing her vulnerability. She looked exhausted, the emotions of everyone around her was giving her a headache and her own grief was gnawing at her constantly.

"Course… I'm yours until the slayer throws us all out again"

"No please don't leave tonight. I can't- I can't be alone" She said softly.

"Don't think big cuz will appreciate me staying" He said, searching her face. She needed him.

"Please" She repeated weakly, her eyes not meeting his as she took another big drink from the bottle that he hadn't realised she had taken back from him. She was ashamed that she couldn't handle it alone. He watched her and the bottle and frowned slightly before nodding. She held his hand and led him to the kitchen, tripping slightly as she went to stand near Buffy.

"Spike" Buffy stated. She didn't smile, but nobody would expect her to.

"You smell like Peaches" Spike replied.

"It's cherry-blossom spritz" Buffy shrugged, not looking either of them in the eye, she knew exactly what he meant.

"No, you smell like that bloody idiot. Angel" Spike repeated. Saffron laughed and the other two frowned at her.

"Miss high and mighty, we grieve in the same way" She giggled again and Buffy and Spike shared a look. She'd drunk too much, "Let me have my vampire here, like you had yours" she emphasised by tapping Spike twice on the chest with her palm. The loud slapping sounds echoed through the house and made the people in the other room frown and check in on the kitchen.

"Saff, I was just greeting him. Hi Spike, see?" She waved and turned back to the glasses she had been washing up, shaking her head she added, "I have bigger things on my mind than hating your boyfriend" The others went back into the living area, not sure whether they should be watching the exchange.

"S-sorry, Buff" Saffron said, fighting back the tears and instead opting to take the bottle back from Spike and taking another swig. Buffy winced at the amount of alcohol she drank straight, but Saffron barely blinked. Her tolerance had gotten better since she had been drinking with Spike. Spike slowly removed the bottle from her hands, despite her protest. Buffy planted a glass of water on the counter in front of her, telling her to finish it.

"Half full or half empty?" Saff asked, though her usual playful tone had gone. She was just staring blankly at the glass.

"It's actually two-thirds full" Dawn said from behind her but Saffron barely cracked a smile, nobody in the room did.

"Drink up, pet" He said softly, gliding her hand to the glass and watched her take a sip. He watched her, a mix of worry and devotion to the woman. It made Giles, Buffy and Dawn, the only others in the kitchen, stare at the man. They didn't think he was capable. The bravado was gone when he was concerned about her. And he was. Giles took his glasses off and cleaned them for a while before making an excuse to go to a different room.

When she had finished her glass of water, during which Spike and Buffy seemed to be having a silent conversation, Spike nodded once and guided his girl to her room. This was something he was used to, she could handle her drink well for the most part, but he noted as he supported her down the stairs that this had been happening more frequently.

Spike took her to the double bed, and she sat herself on the end. He was still stood, shrugging off his duster and black t-shirt as he was about to get into bed after her. Her head whipped up to look him in the eyes. She frowned, something was on her mind.

"Will you love me even when everyone else is gone?" She slurred slightly, not removing her eyes from his.

"What are you on about, honeysuckle?" He stared, confused. He didn't understand what she meant, but he decided it was usual drunk babbling and helped her into the bed. He took her jacket off her and decided not to try and take off her dress, she was too far gone. He slipped into bed beside her, positioning himself so he could wrap his arms around her as she turned to face away from him.

"_Honeysuckle_" She whispered and nodded solemnly as tears stung her eyes. She settled under the blankets hoping that sleep would take her quickly.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The birds were singing a beautiful melody as the sun was apparently shining brightly from behind the blinds in Saffron's room. There was a golden glow that bounced across the room in a pleasant haze. The room felt light and airy, she didn't appear to be hung over as she saw an empty bottle on her bedside table. She yawned slightly and moved closer to Spike. He was freezing cold but she was used to it, she traced her fingers softly over his skin and she smiled to herself as she planted a soft kiss on the side of his neck. He didn't stir, but she whispered soft affirmations into his ear while he slept. She was pleased that the unexpected sleepover guest had stayed. They wouldn't usually risk it, despite how much more accepting people had been recently.

Something small in the back of her mind was telling her that she was forgetting something, but she hadn't paid it much attention. She watched him sleep for a while, stroking the side of his face and whispering her love for him. He seemed to hear her through his dreams and moved closer to her out of instinct. An arm tried to wrap around her waist, but she slipped away reluctantly, needing to get up.

She sat up in bed, stretching and looking around the room. Was something missing? No. She stood up from her bed and started to peel off the dress she had fallen asleep in and found some fresh clothes to get changed into for the day. She couldn't smell any cooking, so the others hadn't got up yet. She started to tidy some of the things that had been left on the floor, she didn't remember how they had got there. She knelt to grab a picture frame that had fallen face down onto the floor. It was the one with her, Dawn, Buffy and Joyce at the beach and she smiled slightly at the memory before replacing it back onto the table in the corner.

_Joyce._

It hit suddenly and all at once. A tonne of bricks. Buried in the rubble. She was gone. Joyce was gone. The back of her throat caught. She caught the tears that fought to escape her eyes desperately. The sun started to fade and the room went cold. Her breathing was irregular as she started to try to stand. The room was spinning and her vision started to go fuzzy in the corners. She stumbled against furniture and fought the stairs. Fresh air. She needed fresh air.

She made it outside and tried to light herself a cigarette, in her mind the perfect cure. However, her erratic breathing started getting worse before it was better. She dropped the cigarette on the floor and had to steady herself, focusing on how the rough brick felt under her palm. How the cool morning air nipped at her skin. She closed her eyes and willed herself to stop it.

She finally calmed her breathing enough to attempt to light her cigarette again. An old memory flicked into her mind, running like an old movie. The edges of the memory were peeling and sepia toned. It felt as if she was watching a stranger.

_The girl was sitting with her arms crossed, her eyes stained with tears. She was sat leaning against the bathroom wall, staring at the scene in front of her. Her favourite dungaree dress had been cut up and left on the cold tile, partially hidden under a pile of brunette hair. A knock on the door barely registered, but she had heard it. She slowly walked to the door and opened it, wincing at the creaking sound that sliced through her head like a knife. Buffy was stood there and she had brought Joyce with her this time._

_Joyce's eyes widened at the sight of her niece's new look. The girl looked pitiful, her face was stained with mascara and she was going through a heavy eyeliner faze as it was, a harsh contrast with her pale skin. Her hair had been jaggedly cut off, one patch on the left side was still long as it once had been. It had once been almost waist-length but was now harshly cut above her shoulders. A sort of fringe had been cut but it was cut in such a way that the word uneven couldn't even cover it._

_Joyce could have shouted. Could have told her how stupid the girl before her had been. But none of that ever crossed her mind. She slowly walked over to her and enveloped the young girl in a warm hug. Gesturing with her head to Buffy to take the scissors away. She told the girl that this was fixable, that the most important thing was that she was okay. That she could always talk about what was making her unhappy before something like this happened. The girl had spent a year by herself before she had found herself back in a happy family setting and it was still hard for her to get used to. But that moment was a turning point, she felt it. This was family. Joyce and Buffy felt it too as the blonde girl joined the hug. She didn't have to hide things from them. She didn't have to bottle everything up. She was hurting still but things would be okay, she had her family around her._

A voice shook her out of the memory and she wiped away a stray tear from her eye. The powers had another message and it was playing in her head, _"The grief shall pass and you will be stronge-_"

"Fucking shut up! That's not good enough! I don't care what you have to say, don't you see?" She choked at the sky, barely keeping herself standing, "I don't want the grief to pass, I want to feel it! I want to feel my own shit, why am I always second to everyone else's emotions!?"

"_You are the balm of the-_"

"Sorry the person you are calling is unavailable right now, try dialling _0800-shut-the-fuck-up_ and leave me _alone_!" She screamed. Even in her darkest times, her words were always her own. Something shifted. They left. She physically felt it as the voice disappeared. She was finally alone with herself. She didn't know if that made her feel better or worse. She collapsed into more tears and found herself in the foetal position on the concrete with a burnt-out cigarette still between her fingers. She must have been there for a while before she felt a faint emotion close to her. Concern. It was brief and she winced at the feeling, covering her head with her hands. She managed to relax slightly as the emotion left again.

She jumped when she felt someone's hand on her, telling her she was there. That she understood. Buffy held onto her cousin for dear life, much like the way the three of them had hugged in the bathroom after saffron had broken down over her hair. At some point, Buffy had allowed herself to cry as well. They both helped each other up, walking into the house. Hoping, in vain, tomorrow would be an easier day.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

Everyone had gathered for a meal. They had decided to all stick together since everything that had happened, they needed to make sure they didn't lose anyone else. Saffron was drinking a large glass of red wine. It reminded her of one of the dates she had gone on with Graham, he had ordered for them ahead and they had drunk large glasses of wine. She remembered feeling fancy when she drank it. She didn't feel fancy today, she just felt sad. Conversation carried on around her, it was as if Joyce was going to walk into the room any minute with a freshly made casserole in one of those Pyrex dishes. She wouldn't have known what casserole everyone liked so she would have made at least three, plus a veggie one for Saff. She was always so considerate. This thought reminded Saffron about those marshmallows she used to buy. She didn't know where she got them from. Everyone was still talking over their meals, but she just sprung up and rushed to the kitchen. They all watched her go in confusion, her movement had been so sudden. She started opening all the cupboards frantically, looking for the marshmallows. Maybe they have the store name on them. Almost every cupboard door was open and different utensils were flying across the room. Why couldn't she remember where Joyce kept them?

"Saff, what are you doing?" Buffy asked from the doorway where her and Dawn were stood watching her.

"Ah, Saffron, is there something you need? Salt and pepper are on the table" Giles' voice came from behind them

"Marshmallows" She muttered, as if it was obvious what she was looking for.

"Uh, Saff? We're not eating dessert yet" Xander said, clearly concerned for her.

"I need to know where she buys them from. She never said and they are special. They're the special marshmallows that she buys me- I mean, bought- and I never even asked where from. Is there a specialist shop? Do I have to order them three weeks in advance? What if it was a backstreet deal where she had the contact listed in her phone as _Marsh_all. Like a code name, you know?" Saffron continued looking through cupboards and got up to kneel on the kitchen counter to look on the top shelves while she was talking. Nobody stopped her babbling about the marshmallows, they knew she needed to get it all out. They did all look at each other in concern though. She never dealt well with losing people. However, when she turned to the trash and started to try to root through it for any old marshmallow packaging, Buffy moved her cousin away and sat her on one of the kitchen chairs. Saffron started sobbing, her mascara running down her face. You'd think with all the crying she does, she would invest in some waterproof mascara.

They eventually coaxed Saffron back into the dining room where she poured herself another large glass of wine to calm herself down. Buffy smiled at her tightly before she asked Giles to have a word with her in the kitchen. Willow hugged Saff who thanked her and offered to pour her a glass of the wine. Willow declined and Saffron was relieved, she didn't feel like sharing. No matter how much she drank, she never felt drunk enough. She had graduated to her second bottle and hadn't touched her meal. Giles and Buffy were out of the room for a long time but Saffron didn't care enough about anything other than her wine to go and listen in to their conversation. The others had started to talk about Dawn going back to school, but Saffron hadn't been listening. She had just been sipping her wine and staring at the door intently, as if she still believed that Joyce would walk through it. She didn't have any hope left in her to believe that anymore, but she felt safer staring at the door than in anyone else's eyes. It was hard enough feeling hints of their emotions.

"What do you think, Saffy?" Tara asked kindly, trying to involve her in the conversation.

"Sorry, I wasn't listening" Saff said, still staring at the door. _Had those carvings always been there? Does that swirl connected to that other swirl sort of look like the number three?_ She didn't vocalise her thoughts, but she did get up and slowly walk to the door. The others frowned at her and all shared a look but continued the conversation anyway.

"Uh, we were just saying that the Dawnster should probably get back to school" Xander explained.

"Why? Everything's going online now and she's probably gonna die when Glory finds her" Saffron said, still tracing the carving in the back of the door. A silence fell over the room and all that could be heard was loud footsteps running in the opposite direction. Dawn had left in tears. Saffron turned to face the room, even Anya was staring in shock at what she had said. Buffy opened the door then and asked what happened with Dawn.

"Was she even in here?" Saffron asked as she focused on walking back to her seat and then poured herself another glass. She could feel a strange emotion, it was of shock and concern. She didn't like it, so she screwed her eyes up and tried drinking some more.

"Uh, yeah" Xander said, "She heard what doom and gloominess you think will happen to her"

"That she's gonna die a horrible death?" She paused, thinking it over, "Maybe not. Do big glowing balls of energy get nasty deaths or do they just pop out of existence and leave us that way?"

"Stop it"

"Stop what?"

"This. Whatever _this_ is. We're all hurting, Saff. But you know that the both of us would rather go down than see Dawn die a horrible death" Buffy said, her hand on Saff's shoulders. Saff shrugged her off quickly, unable to stand feeling the warmth behind her words. She couldn't bear any of the feelings. It was making her queasy, or perhaps that was the large volume of wine. She had found a third bottle in the wine rack. Buffy looked upset that she had shrugged her off but Saffron just got up and went outside for her cigarette, bringing the bottle of wine with her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike and Saffron were sat on the sofa in front of the tv in the crypt. They often spent time together like this, but both of them felt something in the air. A cold chill bringing them a sense of worry in the back of their minds. And the front of their minds. Saffron had felt guilty since she heard Dawn knew what she had said about her.

"Dawn won't stay home, she left with Willow and T. I'm no help to her" Saff said sadly, knowing it was all her fault, "She's not spoken to me since that night" Saff sighed.

"The bit will come round, love." Spike said, knowing it would be the case.

"I shouldn't have said it. Don't think I realised I'd said it out loud" She explained. This was true, she had felt as if she was dreaming ever since Joyce had died. But this didn't excuse what she said, no matter how much she didn't mean it. She would never let Dawn die if she could help it, and Buffy definitely wouldn't. So why had she said that so easily?

"Give her something shiny, it'll distract her from being upset"

"She's a kid not a magpie! I shouldn't have said it out loud how fucking stupid-" Saff ranted, starting to scold herself. Spike's eyes widened as she cut herself off. She had never been like this. She put a healthy amount of negativity into the world but rarely directed it at herself so harshly. She looked away, embarrassed and cut in before Spike tried to say something, "It's okay, babe. I'm just tired, you know how it's been"

"You're not ok, pet" He said, slowly moving his hand to her chin and guiding her face up to look at him. She was looking at him, but she wasn't really in the room. He had lost her again. She was staring through him, "Saff?" He asked, scanning her face.

"It's okay Spike" she repeated flatly.

"I may not have that pretty little lie detector in my brain, but I can tell something's not right love, apart from the obvious" He moved to cup her face, willing her to be in the room with him. She could feel his concern and winced, flinching slightly at the sensation.

"Leave it, please... I don't want to have to think about it, I just want to be here. With you" She admitted, picking at the skin on the side of her nails. He watched her and moved from her face to still her hands. She could feel his concern and she closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the back of the sofa, willing it to stop. And just as quickly as she had felt it, it did.

"Love…"

"Just… stay with me?" She mumbled into his side and he obliged as he pulled her in closer to him. Holding her tight, trying to dissolve her worry. He started to take her hair out of her usual high ponytail, so she could relax. She was sobbing softly into his side as he stroked her hair, making sure she was comfortable.

They stayed like that for hours, the only change in the room was the low buzz of voices on the tv, Spike hadn't been able to sleep as he heard her sobs carry on into her sleep. He slowly shifted her off him and turned to pick her up bridal style so he could take her to bed. He had never known himself to care for someone like this and know for certain that if the roles were reversed she would be caring for him in the same way. As he made sure she was comfortable in bed, hearing her breath catch in a sob during her dream told him that she still wasn't able to escape whatever was troubling her. Not even through sleep. His eyebrows furrowed as he debated with himself. He came to a decision. He quickly left the crypt, before he changed his mind.

He made it to his destination. Spike looked behind him, scoping the place out. He was making sure nobody had followed him, especially not Saffron. _God, if she knew._ He knocked twice and the woman looked around too, but reluctantly invited him in.

"What do you want, Spike? Where's Saffron?" Buffy asked, confused.

"You know I'd only be here if I had to. It's Saff, something's wrong..." He said, before explaining the way she had been with him alone. She seemed angry more often than not and when she wasn't angry, she was desperately sad. They discussed what to do through the night, unsure how it was suddenly so easy for them to hold a conversation.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The others were all gathered in the living room, but Saffron couldn't bear to face them. Spike had dropped in, but he had been speaking to Dawn all evening about something she hadn't been bothered to listen to. She had found some rum she had left over from her birthday and had been drinking that with lemonade. When she ran out, she had started back on the vodka. She was drinking alone in her room and had let her thoughts run wild. Joyce had died and she was struggling to cope, she could feel herself slipping away. All that was left behind was anger and bitterness, and it scared her. She was angry with the powers, making her their pawn in their game. Not caring who was collateral damage.

"Fuck them", she jumped up suddenly, her bottle still in her hand. She rushed around her room tipping papers and everything she wanted to get rid of into a box. She then grabbed her lighter, that Xander had added an _'R'_ to in sharpie, so it now read_ R.s.v.p_. He had found it hilarious. She ran upstairs, through the kitchen where everyone went silent as she ran past. Spike frowned, looking up from his conversation with Dawn. Something was wrong. Most of the people in the house went to the window to watch what she was doing in the garden.

Saffron was stumbling across the grass and dumped the box on the floor. Inside the box, she had gathered up every piece of research she had on her prophecy and her upcoming destiny. There were also various books on being an empath and the handwritten notes she had logged from the first time she had ever started researching into her abilities, she even threw in the pink fluffy pen she used to write the notes. She stared at the box and shook her head. She poured the last of the alcohol onto the box and knelt to set the contents of the box alight. Orange flames licked at the stacks of paper, some of the older prophecies and scrolls crackled with green and pink light before setting on fire. It lit up her face and she just stared, watching the fire intensely, slowly standing up. She reached into her pocket and took out her pack of well-used tarot cards. She looked at them, and then the fire blankly. She couldn't hear the kitchen door open and everyone run out after her as she threw the pack onto the fire. She sunk to her knees again and wiped the angry tears out of her eyes.

"What are you doing?!"

"Saffron are-are they the prophecies?! What are you thinking!" Giles shouted, trying to calm the flames.

"Saff! Saff, get up!" Buffy begged her, tears coming to her own eyes as she saw the slumped frame of her cousin.

"Auntie J! She's… she's gone! Parents, gone!" She screamed, pointing shakily for emphasis, "It's not fucking fair, none of this is fair!" everyone stared at her. They knew she had taken this hard, but something was seriously wrong. Buffy pulled her to her feet and tried to plead directly to her, but Saffron stared back, anger raging through her. Buffy had to break contact with her cousin, her skin was so hot.

"Saffron, I know it's hard. It's horrible, but we can get through this, ok?" Buffy asked, trying to remain calm. Spike had been right. She was bad.

"Your cards, Saff…" Spike tried to hand her the pack he had fished out of the flames.

"_They_ didn't give me anything! No warning, no nothing!" She moved from Buffy, seemingly screaming at the sky, "They just _fucking_ took her" she spat and Spike tried to offer some comfort, but she backed away. Everyone was staring, they had seen her angry. But never like this. She kicked the box, that someone had now put out. "Hey, how's that prophecy going for you, G? Still think I have the pure heart? There is nothing pure or good about the way I feel anymore!"

"Saffron, I know it's incredibly hard. You have, undoubtedly, had it harder than most.." Giles started to comfort the girl, but she wasn't having any of it.

"I want the world to burn in this screaming fire of grief that I have inside of me, and most importantly I want you all to fuck off!" She gestured at herself and then at them as she swore at them all. Her movements were dramatic and she was very obviously drunk. She started to walk away, stumbling slightly, but Spike pulled her back, "You don't mean that, Honeysuckle" he said. This time she let him hold her in place. She stared at him for a second, before carrying on.

"You think I don't? You're all dying, can't you see? Don't you see the poison?" She shouted at them all. She wiped her eyes again. Their faces were solemn as they tried to figure out what to do.

"Already dead, love. I'm right here with you" Spike said, looking directly in her eyes. Willow had been quiet for most of the scene, she didn't know how to reach her close friend. She tried to think of a spell, but there was nothing for this. Whatever it was.

"Saffy... please. Just talk to us" Willow tried to make her friend listen.

"Nothing more to say, Will. Don't you feel it too?" She said between sobs. Spike squeezed her shoulder, trying to show that he was still there.

"Feel what?"

"Poison" She whispered. Spike's brow furrowed. She had mentioned everyone dying before. He wasn't sure if anyone else had heard what she said.

"SP, there's no poison. Bad luck, sure…" He shrugged, trying to appeal to her with his usual humour.

"There's no coincidences, Xander. What is it you do here, again? We've got the witches doing their cheap tricks and the big neon key and the slayer, a sort-of-watcher and a couple demons. What exactly is it you bring to the table?" She asked bitterly. Xander just nodded and didn't reply.

"Why don't you come inside? Sleep it off?" Buffy asked her slowly, trying to limit the damage she was going to regret, but Saffron shook her head.

"Great job you're doing at holding it all together. I see the cracks, Buff. You're almost as bad as me" She laughed, but it wasn't her usual contagious laughter, "You think there's anyone smiling down on me? The priestess is a possessed airhead with Cordelia-style modesty, the powers that be want me to die at the hands of the corrupted. Do you think I want them to get their way?" She said, looking around at the others that were gathering around her. Nobody said anything. She had shocked them into complete silence. She put a shaky hand through her hair and finally let Buffy lead her inside.

_ **xoxoxo** _

She lay in her bed, flat on her back. She screwed her eyes up, trying to imagine a happier time. She crossed her hands over her chest, so the opposite hand was holding the opposite shoulder. As if she was in a sarcophagus. _Her and the summer's women at the beach. Laughing at the Bronze with her friends. Spending time with Spike in his crypt._ The low murmurs from above her interrupted her imaginary world. Everyone was talking about her and all she wanted was to be anonymous. Everything was wrong and she didn't know what to do. The drinking wasn't even helpful, instead of stopping her being sad it just made her drunk and sad. She hated this test. This grief. The worried looks and expectations of the world. She wanted to stay here, in her makeshift sarcophagus until the world came to its end.

The living room had been quiet for a while, a pin drop could have been heard as everyone was in their own minds. They didn't know what was going on with Saffron and speaking about it would make it real. The others exchanged silent glances for a while, before something had to be said.

"Anyone know what she was talking about?" Xander finally asked, what he had seen had concerned him. Deeply. Saffron had never said anything like that to him before, never with such conviction behind her words.

"She seemed, ah, distressed which is understandable. She has been drinking a large amount tonight, I think if she sleeps it off she should be okay. We shall just have to keep an eye on her"

"The hysterical snappiness was a lot" Xander commented, she had been harsh to him more than anyone else.

"Do we know why she said that we're all dying?"

"Well, I feel fine" Anya added, just to make everyone aware.

"It was the alcohol, she's always liked to drink and she's British, it's like a national pastime"

"Yeah, you know how she can get when she's been drinking"

"I've never seen her like that" Tara said sadly.

"She's hurting. Saffron's been through a lot. More than any of us"

"I get it, but we're all hurting. Someone should talk to her" Buffy said, looking towards Giles expectantly.

"Well, ah, I could-" Giles was cut off by a deafening scream coming from the basement.

Everyone ran down, some grabbing weapons as they went. They came down to the basement expecting to see a demon, but instead it was Saffron thrashing around wildly. She appeared to be having a nightmare. She was slicked with sweat and screaming the odds, her pain was so evident the group could almost feel it. She started mumbling about fish-features and white berets. Willow knelt beside her bed and woke her up, muttering something under her breath to calm the girl as she woke. Despite the spell, Saffron woke up and sat bolt upright, eyes wide as she saw the crowd surrounding her. Willow smiled at her sadly, saying they would always be there for her. She didn't want them there, she could feel their concern but it just made her more bitter. Saff just asked where Spike was. She explained that Spike and Dawn had left some hours ago after her dramatic outburst. _Where could they have gone?_

Spike and Dawn were walking across to the far side of Sunnydale, a place Dawn was not even a little bit familiar with. She was unhappy and desperate to bring Joyce back. Seeing Saffron and hearing how she had been recently had settled it. She needed to do the spell and Spike was along for the ride.

"If we bring her back, everything will be okay again. Saff will get better and we don't have to be sad anymore"

"Don't be telling Saffron, or Buffy for that matter, they don't need to know" Spike said firmly, aware that a lot could go wrong, "They've got enough going on at the moment, nibblet, we don't need to be added extras to that"

"But if she comes back, if we get her home you won't want Saff to know we did it?" Dawn said slowly, not understanding why Spike would want to help her if he wasn't getting credit from Saffron, "Then why are you doing this?"

"I just don't like to see my favourite women take it so hard on the chin, is all" Spike said while lighting a cigarette, not looking Dawn in the eye. Dawn smiled widely, but faltered when Spike started to speak seriously again, "And I'm dead serious. You breathe a word of this to either of them, I'll see to it that you end up in the ground. Got it?"

Dawn nodded as she stepped into the threshold. They were there to visit Doc, a man that Spike had heard about to help them with the resurrection spell. He opened the door for her and then stepped in after her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron walked upstairs from her room, oblivious to all that had gone on with Dawn, Spike, Buffy and a possible Joyce zombie. The pair looked at her with tear stained eyes. She had felt the anger and sorrow from their recent exchange and was actually walking to find something to drink to block the little she could feel from them out, but when she saw their faces her heart dropped. It stopped her in her tracks, the moment was strong enough to pull her from her destructive tendencies as she rushed over to the pair. They dropped to the floor, holding each other as Saff sunk to her knees, unsure what was going on. Buffy saw her and pulled her into the hug. She let herself be vulnerable, let herself cry. Being in physical contact with them hurt her. She could feel their grief stronger than ever and it physically hurt. Saffron wanted to comfort them, but it hurt. Their sobs wracked through her as if they were her own.

She couldn't stand it much longer, she got up, with the girls still holding each other on the floor and stepped around them through the open doorway and walked out into the night. She was in sweats and a tank top, she hadn't planned on leaving the house. She screwed her eyes up, blocking out everything she could feel. It was unbearable. She could hear distant shouting of her name as she walked away, but she didn't turn back.

_Lake Eville_ was quiet. Saffron had a bottle in a brown paper bag that was now half-empty. The liquor burned her throat, but the feeling was welcome. More welcome than what she had been feeling before. She sat on her usual bench, staring out at the water. She was freezing, her arms full of goose bumps from the evening chill.

That's where he found her, sat cross-legged clutching her bottle. He moved wordlessly to sit next to her, not sure what could be said. Buffy had told him she had disappeared without her coat or phone. He had tracked her easily, she wasn't hiding. She acknowledged his presence by dipping her head slightly. Spike swiftly shrugged off his duster and wrapped it around her.

_"It's okay, pet. Everything will be okay" He whispered, stroking her hair and leaning against her._ His words echoed through her mind; she had taken such comfort from it at the time. But now all she could feel was hopelessness. Nothing would be okay, she couldn't feel a way out of this.

"Have you heard of the drowning instinct?" She asked, the first thing either of them had said since he had found her. They were both still staring out at the expanse of the water as she continued, "You're drowning but the water in your lungs isn't what kills you. It's the shock you go into, knowing what's coming. The panic as your reflexes kick in, slowly suffocating you rather than drowning the traditional way. People can't tell you're in trouble, can't see what's going on inside. Nobody can tell you're drowning"

"Sounds painful" He commented slowly, knowing what she was getting at. She took another drink from the bottle concealed in brown paper before Spike took it from her slowly. She looked him in the eye, her eyes were glazed over, and she looked very tired.

"I think I'm drowning, Spike" She whispered. Spike didn't know what he could say to that, his hand was between her shoulder blades, rubbing her softly. He wouldn't leave her side, but he didn't know how to help.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35:

Saffron was wearing a maroon halter top, leather jacket and a borrowed leopard print mini-skirt she found in Buffy's wardrobe. It was snug, as Buffy was smaller than her, but she wanted to wear it. The Bronze was packed, it was as if nobody else felt debilitating grief and had a couple of destinies scaring them into drinking more than they should. No, in fact Saffron could feel that most of the people around her were happy. Usually this would make her happy too, the feeling, but today she was bitter. She hated them, because they were happy, and she wasn't. She blocked their happiness from her mind and focused on dancing. And drinking. Something caught her attention and she started to walk across the room, focusing on walking in a straight line.

"You've had enough, love" Spike stepped in front of her, before she could stumble over to the bar again. She tried to walk around him but he grabbed her upper arm as she tried to get past him. His firm grip stopped her in her tracks.

"Just get off, Spike. You're no fun tonight!" She turned and shouted into his ear over the music.

"It'll be light soon" He hinted; he had been with her all night. She had barely looked at him twice though.

"Leave then!" She said, struggling from his grip, but he wouldn't let go.

"Will you bloody stop-" He started, trying to stop her wriggling her jacket off and leaving him with it.

"_You_ stop, Spike! I'm having fun!" She shouted, gaining the attention from the rest of the Bronze as they watched her struggling to get away from him. The music had stopped and everyone was staring. A man tried to step in to protect her, but both Saff and Spike glared at him and he reluctantly backed away, muttering 'bitch' as he went. Spike pulled her to a deserted corner, out of the way of curious eyes as the music started up again.

"Doesn't look like fun. Your eyes, they used to sparkle when you smiled" Spike's voice was a whisper, as he looked into her eyes. She just stared back, wincing as she felt what he did before blocking it back out. She whispered something that sounded a lot like an apology before she slipped out of her jacket and ran away from him. He rolled his eyes, looking down at the jacket, before running after her.

He eventually caught up to her in an off license down the road trying to buy bourbon. She hated bourbon.

"Love, you hate bourbon" He said slowly, staring between her and the bottle in her hand. She moved past him, her eyes were almost closed as she walked to the counter.

"Gets you drunk fast" she slurred her words slightly in reply to Spike.

"You're already drunk"

"Drunker… more drunk… drunkest" She shrugged, turning to the cashier and getting her ID out. Cleo was going for the hard stuff today. He had to do something, it hurt him to see her like this.

"She's underage!" Spike shouted at the cashier and ducked away from her glare.

"Is this true, ma'am?"

"Look, I'm British" She slurred, "I'm old enough, believe me"

"Cleopatra?" The cashier asked, staring at her ID unconvinced.

"Call me Cleo" She winked, and when that didn't work, "…Old family name?" she offered, trying her best to be believable. No one had ever questioned the name before. The cashier wasn't buying it. Saff sighed, snatching her ID back and bumping into a snack stand as she left, knocking everything over the floor as she stumbled back outside.

"Wait" Spike said, matching her pace. It wasn't hard she wasn't going very fast.

"Please just leave me alone!" She moved her hand out dramatically as if to shoo him away, "Let me have some space, you're fucking smothering me!"

"Fine. I'll be off then" He shrugged as if this didn't hurt. He lit a cigarette and walked away from her, leaving her stood in the middle of the road by herself. She walked in the opposite direction, not feeling anything either way about Spike's absence. It would probably scare her if she wasn't hammered.

Saffron walked slowly through the streets, not really sure where she was going. Hopefully she would find another liquor store. She stumbled when she didn't notice the kerb and she fell and skinned her knee. She laughed at the blood slowly dripping from the wound, _when was the last time she had a scab on her knee?_ A hand reached out to help her up, she saw double, two hands and she reached for the one she guessed was a real hand. Chipped black nail varnish could be seen and she accepted the hand and hoisted herself up with his help. As she got to her feet she started to mumble something incoherent about her blood and him being a typical vampire, but she was stopped short when she looked at the man's face. It wasn't him. It wasn't Spike.

"Come here, cutie" The man had a shark-toothed smile as he grabbed her upper arm in a vice like grip, not giving her a choice whether to come with him or not. His intentions were bad and she could already see that he was a vampire. She didn't put up a fight, she just followed him to the alley way. He pushed her against the wall and closed in. He stared into her eyes with a cruel, toothy smile.

"Say your prayers"

"Won't help. There's nobody listening anymore" She said flatly.

"Your blood is mine" He said, his eyes boring into hers. This didn't faze her, she continued to stare right back. The vampire appeared confused. This didn't usually happen.

"Try it. I'm poison" She challenged. She continued to look firmly in the vamps eyes, she had left her stake at home. On purpose. The vampire almost shivered himself at her attitude, he'd never come across someone ready to be drained of their blood before. He was actually quite disappointed, he enjoyed it when they begged for their life.

"Ok then, this will probably hurt. A lot" He smiled menacingly, but it faltered at the look on her face. She was staring blankly at him, as if she wanted him to hurry up. Saff closed her eyes, bracing herself. She was ready.

When she opened her eyes again, she was surrounded by a fine powder. Dust. She frowned, checking her hands in case she was holding an accidental weapon. _Nope, no weapon. Maybe there hadn't even been a vamp? She could have imagined it. Maybe someone had slipped something into her drink?_ She sighed, not sure if she was glad the threat had mysteriously combusted. She leant her head back against the brick wall. She stared at the sky for a while before starting to move from her spot. She wanted to find somewhere that was still serving. When she looked back in front of her, someone was there. Another vampire. Her vampire.

"Thought you were putting your feet up in crypt sweet crypt" Saffron said, starting back down the alley as if nothing had just happened. Spike stepped in her way, there was no way she was leaving without something being said.

"You almost let yourself get eaten by that big ugly vamp"

"I had a plan" She said, wiping her watering eyes before they spilled over. She had shocked herself.

"Yeah, eat me up please Mr Vampire was about the bloody extent of it!" He gestured wildly, "If you wanted someone to bite you, I'm the only one you should want to do it. Gave you plenty of chances didn't I?"

"I don't know why I feel like this. I don't want to be… this"

"You're hurting, love. I can see it, almost bloody feel it when you walk into a room it's so strong. Let me help you" He said, willing her to listen.

"I'm so… tired, Spike. Everything's wrong. I can't do it. I can't be good. I can't be strong. I can't handle losing everyone again"

"This ain't the way to go about it, Honeysuckle. The bit's scared half to death about the way you're going and I have to admit, love, after tonight's performance I am too"

"You're scared?" Spike nodded slowly, staring hard into her eyes. The weight of it made her shiver. Or it could be the cold surrounding her that she hadn't noticed before. She walked with him through the streets slowly. Not able to say another word. He was scared. Because of her. That alone had sobered her. Snapped her out of whatever she had been thinking before. Spike shifted the leather duster off his shoulders and draped them around Saff. She shrugged it on, wrapping it around herself as they continued to walk back to Saff's house.

"I'm not giving up on you, honeysuckle" He whispered, kissing her on the temple. When they arrived, she turned and walked down to her room but Spike didn't follow her. Not yet at least. He went to tell Buffy what had happened. He didn't know how to help her and she needed it. Seeing her like this hurt him. Buffy listened. She had to talk to the others. She knew what had to be done.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron walked slowly upstairs from her basement room. She was feeling horrible, she had been sober for almost 12 hours now and it was killing her. She could feel things she didn't want to feel, she could tell the whole gang was over at Revello again and she sighed, knowing she was going to have to face them all. She had barely seen anyone since her outburst, everyone had been avoiding her. She was embarrassed about what had happened in front of them all, she had shown them how she was really feeling, and she wished she hadn't. By now, Buffy and the others probably knew about the night before. She was going to make some coffee when her thoughts were interrupted by Spike.

"How long have you been here?" She questioned, her voice croaked as she hadn't spoke since she had been home. She was confused as to why he hadn't come to see her.

"Not long" He answered, looking shifty. He didn't quite meet her eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Look, it wasn't my idea" He said, looking backwards at the other room, "I wager it's an American thing, just remember they care, love" He said quietly and Saffron moved past him and walked into the living room where the scoobies had gathered. They were all gathered on one side of the room and a vacant chair had been moved to the front of the room, facing them all. A silence fell as they noticed Saffron had entered, with Spike close behind her.

"What in the fuck is going on in here?!"

"It's kind of an… intervention"

"You know, I had a dream about this, more of a nightmare really" saffron sighed as she sat in the chair that had been reserved for her in the middle of the room, facing the others. Spike didn't stand with the others, he stood closer to Saffron.

"Was-was it a prophetic dream, Saffron?" Giles asked, wondering if her abilities were getting stronger.

"No, but it was a big wake-up call" She laughed as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard, despite her making the joke herself. The others stared blankly at her and then each other. They thought she had been drinking again and they were worried. Saffron rolled her eyes as she watched them all.

"Your drinking is getting out of control"

"_Way_ out of control" Buffy added, nodding along with the rest of them.

"We all care about you, SP. We know you're only acting out because of, well, everything" Xander said, the way he cared for his friend was clear. The rest of them all nodded again at what he said to show that they felt the same.

"You almost died last night, you need to stop drinking"

"Is that everything? Thanks for the heads up, guys. I'll keep it in mind, plenty of keeping and minding, lots to mull over. I'll be in my room if you need me" She said hurriedly, getting to her feet and heading towards the door she had just entered through. Spike stood in her path and stared into her eyes, pleadingly.

"They're trying to help, pet" Spike said, trying to appeal to her. The others were shocked he was sticking up for them, but Buffy knew it was because this was the best thing for her. She looked at him, and then the rest of them and nodded. She ducked her head slightly and went back to her seat.

"It's not a problem, it's just, uh, to numb everything" She said quietly. The others frowned, not knowing what to do with that information. Why couldn't she just stop?

"That's unhealthy, Saffron. You need help" Giles said, standing up. He was trying his best to fulfil the patriarch role.

"You try feeling everyone's grief and pain so strongly you black out! See how healthy your coping mechanisms would be" She raised her voice slightly and the scoobies flinched, which made her feel bad. She slumped back in her chair and stewed in her guilt.

"Saff, hi" Anya waved after her words, "I was thinking, maybe you could cope by just doing what we all do. Going on like normal. I have some money you can hold for a little while if you like" She smiled and nodded to confirm that she meant it, but Xander gave her a look.

"Thanks, An. I'll keep that helpful advice in mind" She smiled, making sure it wasn't obviously fake, and Anya smiled and whispered something to Xander about Saffron finding her helpful. Saffron dropped her smile as she looked at the others. Willow was annoyed at what Anya had said and Tara was trying to calm her down. Dawn had appeared in the back of the room and wouldn't quite look Saffron in the eye.

"You could always try a 12-step programme"

"I don't need it! Honestly, I'm handling it"

"If by handling it you mean, not handling it in the slightest. Not even at all" Buffy said, and Saff looked at her cousin. She decided something then.

"It's just- after everything…" She started to well up as the others watched. She tried to explain, but there was so much going on in her head.

"We know" Willow said, the first one to get up and walk over to hug her.

"I, uh, I'll try to stop ok?" She said quickly and the others all smiled widely. They took it in turns to hug her, trying to show their support. Dawn stayed at the back of the room, avoiding Saff's eye contact.

Spike followed her down the stairs, firmly holding her hand. He could feel her sorrow and grief surge through him as they kept contact. He wished he could take it all away.

"You ever hear of the phrase, snitches get stitches?" she asked, her hand no longer in his as she walked to sit on her bed. She looked over at him, he had stopped in the doorway, Buffy and the others knew about the vampire the night before somehow. He shrugged, "For your own good, love" he murmured as he went to sit next to her on the end of her bed, adjusting his duster back onto his shoulders.

"Thank you" she whispered, daring to look him in the eye. He moved his head to the side, searching her face, he hadn't expected that. He decided to nod, not sure what she was thanking him for, "I love you, Spike. You could have left when it got bad but you… you stayed"

"Can't get rid of me that easy" He smirked, pulling her onto his lap as she shifted her weight to get comfortable. She rested her head on his shoulder, her face nestled in the crook of his neck, "I'm on your side, love. I'll always be on your side"

"I think you must be the kindest soul, that doesn't have a soul, I've ever met" She said, her face muffled from her position.

They stayed like that wrapping themselves around each other as if their embrace could protect the other from the world outside the room. They didn't speak for a long time until Saffron whispered, "I'm sorry" several times until Spike couldn't help but speak. He needed to understand.

"Why are you doing this, love? Cry for attention or the love of destruction? I can get behind you on that one" he said, in his usual way. Trying to figure her out. He was usually good at it, but apart from her grief which he'd seen before render her unable to function but not as destructive as this, he didn't understand.

"They're better off without me. If I drink and hide and keep away from them then maybe they'll be spared…" She trailed off at Spike's confused look. He was looking at her as if she had gone mad, "Stage two" She added flatly. She was speaking as if it was obvious, resting her head back on his shoulder. He frowned, speaking the words to himself.

"What are you buggering on about?"

"Parents… Joyce… Hayley. It's a test. Taken to prove I'm the pure of heart or what-the-fuck-ever"

"That's not right, pet. The best thing you can do is live" He said slowly, hoping his words were getting through, "I can't be losing you, Honeysuckle"

"It's so… hard" She sobbed, wrapping her arms around him tighter, bringing herself closer to him as he did the same for her.

"Live. One of us should at least" He whispered, kissing her forehead softly.

"How can I when they never had a chance?" She asked hopelessly as Spike got up to leave.

"Stay with me?" He asked, offering his crypt for her but she shook her head as he got up, "Alright then. I'll be back tomorrow night" He paused, looking at her before he left.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron made a decision. She was wearing a button-up cardigan that nobody had ever seen before. It was bottle green and she was wearing a long, dark skirt. She accessorised with a pearl necklace and her usual hoops had been replaced with pearl studs. Her hair was down and she had a black, velvet alice band in. _Never any half-measures._ The others had all had to do a double take when they saw her in her outfit. She explained that she decided to be more clean-cut, try this thing properly. She told them she was quitting both the alcohol and the cigarettes.

"For real this time" she insisted. The others had all joined her in the living room. Everyone had been taking it in turns staying with her since the intervention two days before.

"Let's have a soda party"

"I don't think anyone's up for a party"

"A respectful soda gathering of support... for SP" Xander amended. They looked at Saffron, to see if that was something she would want. They were trying to help her the best they could. She had refused to go and see anyone professionally, but she did seem willing to stop the drinking. She nodded and smiled at the group as they smiled at her. Buffy went to find some soda for them to have.

"But I'll just be sticking to water" She shook her large plastic bottle and then smiled and curtseyed the way she used to which made the rest of the room have faith in her. She felt nauseous then. She excused herself and went to the bathroom. She threw up. A lot. She couldn't bear them having that hope. She felt horrible for everything. Not only had Joyce died, she had made them worry about her through their grief. She stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't like the girl that was staring back. Her washed out face couldn't be hidden with any amount of makeup. All she could see was guilt plastered across her face. She splashed her face with some water, tried to breathe deeply and took a sip from her water bottle to try and calm her down.

_8p.m:_ When she returned, the others all had soda in their hands. She smiled at them when she came in and she could feel their eyes on her even when she had sat down. She looked around the room, they all had their eyes on her as if they were expecting something.

"What do you want, a speech? Drink your pop and mind your own conversations" She smiled at the group and they smiled fondly, that hope gave her a sickness again, but she managed to ignore it. She took another deep breath, had another sip from her bottle and tried to relax.

_10p.m:_ She had been sat on the sofa while the others had conversations around her, they tried to include her and she tried her best to join in. She noticed she was never left alone, one person was always with her and she sighed and got up to walk to the kitchen. Xander followed her in and she rolled her eyes. Dawn was stood by the sink, talking to Willow who watched Saff from the corner of her eye as she walked in. Saff walked over to Dawn and dropped her voice slightly.

"Now I know why you're such a nuisance, Dawny, being constantly watched is a pain in the neck and believe me, I know all about that. My vampires a boyfriend" She chuckled and took another large gulp from her water bottle.

"Huh?" Dawn scrunched up her nose and looked to her cousin to elaborate but she just smiled and focused on walking back to sit on the sofa in the living room. They had games like monopoly and life set up and videos stacked in the corner as back up, in case anyone got bored of the board games.

"Saff, you want a refill?" Buffy asked, pointing to her water bottle that was almost empty.

"Not unless you have a mixer" She slurred slightly but smiled cheerily. Buffy squinted, not really sure what she meant. She shrugged and smiled back, it was probably a joke about drinking. Saff liked to joke when she was uncomfortable, Buffy knew this.

_1a.m:_ It was late now, they had tired all of the games to keep Saffron distracted. The conversation in the room turned to people sharing stories of their first kisses. Willow explained she had two, a boy and a girl one. Saff smiled at her and thought something she didn't realise she also said out loud.

"Who hasn't kissed a girl?" Saffron said loudly, cutting across everyone's conversation. The others turned to stare at her in disbelief, but Saffron shrugged and took a large drink from her bottle, not sure why the room was staring at her. She had revealed more than she realised. Willow looked from Saff to the water bottle.

"Hey, Saffy, can I have sip of that water?" Willow asked, she knew something was up with her. Everyone else had too, but they didn't want to admit it to themselves. They wanted to trust her. Will made a grab for the bottle and the two girls struggled.

"No. Get off, Will!" Saffron shouted desperately, the rest of the room just watched. Willow successfully managed to get the water bottle out of her hands but ended up spilling most of it over the floor. However, the clear liquid wasn't water as she had been pretending.

"Vodka" Willow whispered, as the others started to stand up. Saffron started to feel the anger as if each of them were stabbing her with spears from across the room. She screwed her eyes up and told it to stop, and the feeling soon left again. She felt the lukewarm nothingness consume her again, the numb feeling she had been aiming for was finally back.

"What the fuck, Saffron?" Buffy stood up and put her hands on her hips, from the look on her face she seemed mad.

"Oh no, she's swearing and not using my nickname. She's big mad… big bad mad" She laughed at her own joke and looked around the room for support. Everyone was upset still. She rolled her eyes, "Like you're all so perfect" She stated, looking each of them in the eyes. She took the pearls from around her neck and chucked them on the floor.

"Saffron, why are you doing this?" Giles asked, trying to stay level headed. She sighed. Here it goes.

"Why not, G?" She asked, "We can't all rely on hanging around with people a lot younger than us, clinging to that last thread of relevance" Giles shook his head, disappointed with her and wiped his glasses.

"Hey, leave the G-man. You're hurting, we get that. You can rely on us, SP" Xander stood in front of her, but Saffron had already made up her mind. She had hurt him, but she was one of his closest friends. He cared about her. However, Saffron was on a one-way ticket to isolation and this was the perfect chance to start.

"You think I see you as a brother really? Well I don't. I see you as a pathetic excuse for a man struggling with his existence in a world where you're the one that needs to be constantly saved by a girl" She bit back at him. She decided severing all her ties from the group was what she had to do.

"Saffy we wanna help you" Willow said and Tara nodded in agreement. Tara tried to touch her shoulder to comfort her but she shrugged it off, taking off her cardigan and throwing it into the middle of the room.

"Glinda the good witch, so much better and more powerful than us all. So why don't you use any of it? I hear about all this power but where the fuck is it, Will? If you care so much, magic me better. Magic the prophecy onto someone else, fucking _do_ something" Saffron screamed, she had been more vulnerable than she had wanted, but Willow was too hurt to realise what Saff was really feeling. "Why won't you do anything?" She repeated as she saw a tear rolling down willow's cheek.

"That's enough" Buffy said firmly.

"Roll up, roll up! It's the girl of the hour, everyone! The chosen one! Here to provide a fun pep talk about how skipping through a meadow and all sticking together will make it all better. Well, news flash, cuz, it won't. The only one you're fooling is yourself" She pushed her cousins shoulder, the amount she had drunk becoming obvious to the group as she stumbled herself rather than her movement affecting Buffy.

"Saff, can you hear yourself? Is that what you really think of us all?" Buffy tried to appeal to her cousin again, hoping that if they managed to get her off the drink long enough she would return to normal. But Saffron had other plans.

"I've been falling into that pit of darkness since I can remember and you're all suffering because of it. So don't start telling me about sticking around and getting through this" Saffron stalked to the liquor cabinet and saw that it was completely empty. _Had they taken it all? Or had she drunk it?_

She sighed but remembered something. She ran to the kitchen cupboard and moved a few pans around. She found the bottle of cooking wine. The others had followed her and tried to take it off her but she just stalked past them.

"Don't even think about following me. You think I want you-you freaks coming near me?" She shouted behind her and slammed the front door shut. She made it to the mailbox before she heard her cousin shouting.

"Saff! Saff, don't go!" Dawn shouted and ran out after her cousin. Saffron sighed, she didn't want to do this. She needed Dawn to distance herself from her. She needed Dawn to stay away and stay in the protection of the slayer. This was for her own good, she told herself, not quite convincing herself.

"Remember that diary entry you wrote about me Dawny? The one where you describe me as good cop? Well now there is no fucking good cop. There's only a seer who can't see shit except the bottom of a bottle and a slayer who's so far up her own arse that she's been put in the Guinness book of fucking world records"

"I know Buffy can be way annoying, I'm totally with you on that. But… we need you" Dawn asked, her pleading hurt Saffron more than anything the others had said. Was she going to do this?

"Fuck off Dawn, you're not my cousin. You're just a ball of light and chain around my ankle" She shouted, took a large drink from her bottle and stormed away, fighting the tears in her eyes.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron returned at sunrise, her makeup smeared across her face and her clothes were ripped. She couldn't really remember where she had been, all she could remember was fighting to forget and stop feeling everything. But by sunrise, she knew she had to go back and shower and maybe find something to eat. Nobody should be in, so she entered through the front door. She rolled her eyes when she saw a very tired slayer waiting for her to come back.

"Where did you go?"

"What do you care?"

"You know I care. I'll never stop caring, Saff. We're family"

"Consider this me severing the family ties then, Buffy dearest" Saffron imitated scissors cutting with her fingers before adding, "I'm only back for some clothes and a shower"

"Where's your shoe?" Buffy asked, looking between Saff's feet. One had her usual combat boot on, the other was just a stripy green sock. Saffron looked down to check and then shrugged. Buffy continued, "We know how much you're hurting, but we're hurting too. Let us help you"

"Does the softly softly approach ever work on people? I didn't think slayers ever went in for that anyway" Saffron smiled and tried to pass Buffy on the stairs but she blocked her path.

"Can't you feel what you've done to everyone?"

"Blocked it out" She smiled sadly and rubbed her head. She was sobering up and started to feel twinges of pain and sadness. Dawn.

"Stop being so selfish" Buffy continued, but Saffron was too distracted by the horrible sadness coming from upstairs.

"Dawn's in?"

"She couldn't go to school. What did you say to her?" Buffy hissed. Saffron didn't want to remember, not that she could. All she remembered is that she made sure nobody would want her around them anymore. "Where did you go last night? I even went to Spike's crypt and we both went looking for you. Together" buffy added.

"Did hell finally freeze over? Guess I'd better pack my mittens"

"We need you, even Spike. Come back to us." Buffy pleaded, looking into her cousin's blank eyes. Something was seriously wrong and she wanted to help her, despite everything she had done.

"I-I can't" She whispered, unsure if Buffy heard.

"Snap out of it, Saffron" Buffy said harshly, knowing the soft approach really wasn't working.

"Stop pretending you care about anything but yourself, Buffy. You're just annoyed I'm not playing my usual role" She replied, before adding, "You've only ever seen Dawn as a bright, glowing green thorn in your side. And me? The English freak that follows you round and holds your coat and gets kidnapped while you try to save the world" Buffy was lost for words. She finally realised she had completely lost her cousin. "I'm better off out of it. Tell G he can stick his prophecy" Saffron said coldly. Shivers ran down Buffy's back at her words. Saffron turned and left without her shower.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

She walked slowly through the graveyard, her ponytail scraped high on her head. She was freshly showered and had picked out her leather jacket and leather pants, she kept checking behind her, making sure she wasn't being followed. She knew where she had to go. Third crypt on the left. There was a wave of nerves washing over her as she wondered what he would say when she got there. She stopped, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She wrenched open the crypt door and walked in with purpose. She walked straight up to Spike, who had been stood drinking his blood, and stopped in front of him. Her hands were on her hips as she stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Anything?" She finally asked impatiently.

"Not since the last hour you dropped by, Slayer"

"She's missing, Spike. Do you have any clue where she could be?"

"If I did, I'd be with her wouldn't I?" he shrugged and took another sip of his blood. He couldn't hide that he was anxious to find her as well, though. She had been fine with him the last time they spoke, it wasn't like her to disappear. Concern was reflected on both of their faces.

"I just don't get it. How could she be so horrible?" Buffy asked, slowly sitting herself on the left side of Spike's sofa. _Saff's spot,_ he thought.

"Well, she has the whole sodding weight of the world on her shoulders, slayer" He said, defending her despite everything.

"Who doesn't? Drinking herself to death isn't going to change that" Buffy said, eyeing Spike's own collection of empty liquor bottles.

"Way I see it, she isn't looking to change it. More like burn out before it has a chance to involve her" Spike said, sitting himself down next to her on the sofa, an exasperated look on his face. He missed her. They both stared forward, towards the tv that wasn't on. They were in their own thoughts.

"You should have seen her, she screamed at everyone. There isn't one member of the group she didn't insult"

"She thinks you're all better off without her, Slayer. She thinks that the powers, in their infinite wisdom, are picking you all off one by one. Hurting her, testing her. Making sure she's the real, good-hearted deal" He said, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. Buffy listened, thinking about it. It did explain it, but she didn't get why she would think that.

"That's just… not true" She said quietly, with a frown that seemed to be fixed on her face.

"But she believes it" He said. He yawned, he had barely slept since she had been missing. He looked at Buffy, the only person that seemed to still believe in his girl, "I'll be out again as soon as the night falls, you know I will" as Buffy nodded and got up. She needed to go and make sure Dawn was safe. She turned to leave, her mind spinning. Why was everything so complicated?

Saffron looked around the ruin of her old high school. She had taken herself and a bottle of alcohol to where the library had used to be, knowing nobody would expect her to go there. _Hopefully the Hellmouth will swallow me up,_ she thought. She knew she had ruined everything, deciding it was better for everyone this way. She wasn't ruining everyone's chances at life, because if she wasn't with them, the powers couldn't take them away.

So why did she feel so horrible?

She wished she could be in Spike's arms, it had been the only time she felt safe. But she couldn't go back to him. She had disappointed him too, his eyes were always sad when he saw her now; the way William had looked at Cecily. She drank some more to get rid of that thought. But no matter how much she drank, she couldn't get the situation out of her mind. No matter how much she drank though, he was a constant in her mind. She loved him more than anything and couldn't forget the way he felt when he saw her after she let the vampire have her. Every so often, someone's emotions or face when she said those horrible things would flash in front of her eyes. She had told herself it was the right thing, to spare them from the poison. But all it was doing was causing more pain.

"Saffron" a distant voice called to her. She kept silent, unsure who it was. Surely nobody would be looking for her after everything. The voice called for her again and she tried to focus on blocking it out, "You can't get rid of me, Saff" the voice stated, the voice lacking its usual sing-song quality. Saffron screwed her eyes closed and sat still, hoping it would pass. When she opened her eyes again, she was no longer in her old high school.

Saff was sat in the corner of her childhood home, the familiar yellow sofa and the crackle of the static on the tiny tv in the corner. The ugly patterned carpet she had always hated, complete with the scorch marks where she had 'accidentally' set it alight one Sunday morning. A sob caught in her throat, it felt so real.

"Let me show you how important you are, sweetheart" a voice chimed from behind her, Saffron didn't dare look behind her. Instead, she spoke clearly, pretending she wasn't bothered.

"What are you? The ghost of Christmas bloody past?" She asked, nobody replied so she carried on, "God, there's a high staff turnaround up there, can't you pick a spirit guide and stick to them?" she asked as the figure moved into her line of sight, she gasped at the sight. Could it really be?

"Sweet girl, is that the first thing you wish to say to me?"

"Is it-is it really you?"

"As real as I can be in this realm"

"Mum" she whispered. She hadn't seen her in so long, her beautiful brunette hair hung to her waist and no matter how much Saff tried, she could never make hers look as good. Her piercing emerald eyes, like polished gems. She wore a long, white dress. Something she would have never worn when she was alive. "No. You're not real. Leave me alone" She screwed her eyes up again, not allowing the moment of hope to continue. She stayed like that for a while, silence had fallen and all she could hear was her own heart beating. She slowly opened her eyes again, looking around the sunlit front room that she remembered so vividly from growing up. It even smelt the same, like sandalwood and incense. She took another gulp of her drink, wondering how to get back to high school. Something she never thought she'd say. Ever.

"You always were a stubborn one, baby" Her mother's voice came to her again, as she sat on the chair opposite her, "This isn't what I wanted for you" she said gesturing at the bottle in her hand.

"Is this the best you can do? Send a spirit with a mask of my mother's flesh to put the fear of the powers in me?" She threw the bottle at the spirit, not waiting for a reply, trying to get her to leave. As the glass smashed, the scene around them cracked and tumbled to the ground. She was back in the wreck of Sunnydale high. The spirit had evaporated before the glass touched her and her mother appeared next to her.

"It's me, sweet girl" Ali confirmed, and Saffron looked up at her. She wanted it to be real. The familiar scent of her mother's perfume filled her nose and she did everything in her power to stop herself from crying, "I need to show you what will happen" Ali continued.

"Are you disappointed?" Saff asked quietly, hiding her face in her hands.

"Your path is not yet decided, I need to show you" Her mother continued, taking her hands from her face and holding them softly. Saffron was surprised, she could feel her hands.

_They were whisked into a tornado-like portal, the whole scene completely changing around them as her mother started to show her what could be if she carried on down the path she was on. Quick flashes of scenes, hard for anyone to watch. But worse for Saffron. She felt responsible, she felt the pain and emotion from each scene._

_Dawn was dead and Glory had won, "With you gone, Buffy wasn't ready. She was distracted, always looking for you that she forgot to keep an eye on the key. Glory took her, opening the portal to the dimension, it was Willow that managed to stop it, but not before it was too late. For Dawn" Her mother added. Buffy sat on her own, nobody around her as she tried to get the strength to leave the house. She was so alone in everything. The weight of the world crushing her._

_There was a sad Willow sat by herself, her hair had been dyed black and her eyes were like saucers, "Where's Tara?" Her mother just shook her head sadly, "After you left, tensions rose. Willow and Tara broke up and she wasn't needed in Sunnydale anymore"_

_The worst scene was where Buffy had gone when she managed to leave the house. Sunnydale was a wreck, a shell of what it once was. The streets were littered and the houses were abandoned. Buffy slammed the crypt door, moving straight to Spike. She plunged a wooden stake straight into his chest. Saff whimpered, in the same way that Buffy did as she knelt in front of the ash that was once Spike. Killing him hadn't made her feel any better, in fact it made her feel worse – Saff could feel it. Spike had been her only link to Saff since she left and it felt strangely intimate before she had staked him, "You're right about him, you know" Her mother said as she stared at the floor. Saff looked up, "I know" she confirmed._

_She showed her a street. Not one Saffron recognised, but the sea of bodies littering the ground choked her up. Innocent people were dead, "None of them were ready for the corrupted. He won as there was no contest, Buffy was an emotional wreck and it only helped the Corrupted manipulate her. He split the world, his side reigned. Everywhere turned into a Hellmouth"_

_"Giles left for England, unable to think of any of you, his life in Sunnydale. He took guest lectures at the council until the corrupted came. He knew that he would be a target, after owning the remaining prophecies. He didn't stand a chance" Her mother continued, as Saff let out a sob. No matter if she lived or died people were still suffering._

_Xander and Anya were sat together, cradling a baby. Saffron could see wedding bands on their fingers. They had gone underground, hiding from the corrupted. Xander said he was leaving to go to the shops, but never returned. Anya was left, with their child, and had gone back to her vengeance demon ways to protect them from being killed at the hands of the corrupted. Everyone felt trapped._

_They spun back out of the scenes as quickly as they had entered, Saffron felt as If she would be sick._

"You want me to believe that all of this is because of me? How do I know some of this won't happen anyway?" She turned to her mother, unconvinced that she could make that much impact.

"You don't. But you have to fight for the world you want to live in. Things will always be hard, honey, they always are, but you can't leave them like this" Saff nodded at her words, they lit up her insides, the courage to continue flowing through her. Her mum took her palm in her own, she studied it closely, before nodding and smiling. "It's your heart, it's theirs as much as it is yours" She faded away slowly, and Saff looked down at her hand to see what she could possibly be looking at. It all made sense. She knew what she needed to do. A newfound will to survive coursed through her as she got to her feet and rushed back to her life, hoping she could salvage the broken pieces.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were sat around the kitchen table in Xander's apartment. The four of them had been having meetings like this more often since Saff had been drinking. Buffy was always too busy trying in vain to protect Dawn from Glory, and she had been out night and day looking for Saff. What she had said had hurt them. Deeply. But none of them could help the worry in the back of their minds as they thought of her being drunk and walking around Sunnydale, demon capital of the world. Didn't mean they went out looking though. None of them wanted to mention her, they had barely spoken since the girls had arrived. Except Anya. She had told them everything she was thinking. Xander started to make hot drinks for everyone and they were in silence apart from Anya telling them that at least with Saffron gone, there's more money in the till for her to look at. She hadn't arrived for any of her shifts in the last three weeks and no one had been surprised. Xander started pouring hot water into mugs as there was a sharp knock at the door. He looked over to the girls, wondering who it could be. Dawn was with Giles, Buffy and Spike had split up to cover more ground and look for Saffron. Xander grabbed the baseball bat he left next to the counter and opened the door a fraction. His eyes widened when he saw who it was, she looked rough.

Her eyes were bloodshot, any makeup she had been wearing had either been cried off or smeared. Her hair was down, she didn't remember when that had happened, and it looked matted and unkempt. She had lost one of her silver hoop earrings and she only had a few rings left on her left hand. She seemed to be dirty, as if she had been lying in mud for the past few days. Her exposed skin was marked and thick with dirt and she was visibly cold. She was wearing a t-shirt that had been ripped up, as if she had been caught in a hedge or barbed wire or something. He looked her over again, appalled at the girl that stood before him. She noticed she was only wearing once shoe and he frowned and closed the door behind him, standing with her in the hall. He didn't want the others to see her like this.

"I'm really sorry" Saff croaked, clearing her throat after she spoke. It was as if she had been screaming, her voice was cracked and hoarse. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Sometimes sorry doesn't cover it" Xander replied, waiting for her to say more. Explain herself.

"Who is it?" Willow called from behind the door, as it started to creak open. Anya was on the other side, poking her head around the door. She opened it wide when she saw who it was, letting Saffron see that Willow and Tara were sat at Xander's kitchen table. The girls didn't look back at her for long.

"You look homeless" Anya stated bluntly. Saffron looked down at herself, noticing that the green sock she had been wearing was now brown. She looked back up at Anya, clearly embarrassed. Usually she would have made a joke or just glared, but she looked genuinely ashamed of herself.

"I know what it looks like, but I'm not-"

"You hurt everyone and made us all sad inside. You made us all feel your pain and everyone was already hurting because of Joyce" Anya said.

"And I shouldn't have done. I know it looks like I've been on a serious bender, but I had this vision-"

"A vision?" Xander asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He was thinking the worst. His eyes stared into her, unwavering. She could feel he was mad at her. He had the right. She was getting desperate now, she needed them to trust her.

"Please, I'm not going to touch the drink again, I promise" She said, her voice cracking as she sounded as desperate as she felt. She was begging and they were embarrassed of her. Xander decided she needed to go.

"Why don't we believe you?" He said, wrapping his arm around Anya and leading her inside, closing the door without looking back.

Saffron, although not surprised, was upset at the reception she had received from the Scoobies. She had never seen that look in Xander's eyes and she never wanted to see it again. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep herself warm but it was impossible in the cold of the night. Goose pimples were evident on her exposed skin. She decided to cut through the graveyard, it wasn't one she walked through often but she knew it would get her back to Revello Drive quicker. The gravestones were tightly packed in rows that didn't seem to have a cohesive order and Saffron weaved between the stones to get to the gate on the other side of the densely packed field. She heard a cough from several paces in front of her and her head whipped up from her feet, where she had been carefully watching her step. She had given up on hopping her way through the streets and carried on walking. She could barely make out the figure in front of her but as she smelt smoke and a familiar scent she still hadn't managed to put her finger on, she smiled to herself and quickened her pace. She walked from behind Spike, smiled at him and started to kiss him. She had missed him and she wanted to show him as she trailed some kisses along his chiselled jaw.

"Love, not like this. Not when you're-" Spike started, halting her in her tracks. He held her by the shoulders to stop her from planting another kiss on him. She looked like she hadn't slept or washed in a while, and while he loved her, he knew this meant she had probably been drinking too.

"Completely sober babe" She smiled. He held her in place, searching her face to see if she was being honest. He decided to trust her, but he still kept her at arm's length. They needed to talk. She sighed, wanting more than anything to be held in Spike's strong arms instead of being set in place, asked to explain herself. She had barely been sober 8 hours and she was already reconsidering her newfound quest for redemption. She hated being vulnerable, but she knew she owed it to everyone. Spike especially. She hadn't chewed him out as she had with the others, but she had been far from present. She'd go so far as to label herself winner of the worst girlfriend award '01.

She quickly explained to Spike about the vision and how it had changed everything. She was more determined now than she ever had been to focus on the prophecies. The ones that had survived the fire, anyway. She needed to focus on looking after Dawn. She had vowed to herself to quit drinking, cold turkey. "So what? It's all better now? One vision and it's happily ever after you're welcomed with open arms?" Spike asked, unconvinced by her miraculous change in attitude. It was exactly what he had wanted to hear, which is what made him waver, unable to make himself believe her despite the look in her eye.

"No. They won't even look at me, they think I'm lying" Saffron said, in a tone that made him search her face. She didn't seem defeated in the slightest. He scrutinised her closely, moving her towards him, their faces agonisingly close for both parties. They both couldn't remember a time in recent history where they had been this close and not able to pull each other into a passionate embrace. His crystal blue eyes ran over her face, stopping when he met her own. He seemed more curious than unconvinced and Saffron could feel that he desperately wanted what she was saying to be true. She knew it didn't seem plausible, but she meant it.

"Pulled a pretty shitty trick back there on them all. I'm almost impressed at the level of destruction you caused, I couldn't even dream of it love" He couldn't stop staring into her grey eyes, that sparkle of determination, it was back. He had missed it.

"You were always right, Spike. I'm a Honeysuckle, filled with poison. I obliterate everything I touch" She explained, biting back more tears that wanted to flow desperately. She had accepted what she felt, whilst choosing to fight. Fight to live. Fight to survive. Fight for her friends, for Spike. Fight to protect Dawn and to help save the world (again).

"Love, that's never what I meant by it. You don't need to be explaining yourself to me" He looked at his feet, sad that he had played a part in the way that Saffron had felt about herself that had been triggered by her experiencing another loss.

"Thank you, Spike. For everything. You never left" She tried to send him how lucky she felt because of it. She had been accepting every emotion she felt, her own or otherwise since she had been back.

"Wouldn't leave you for anything, pet" He stroked her cheek, but couldn't help adding, "You did, though. Me and big cuz were worried sick"

"I needed to see" She nodded solemnly to herself. Spike's eyes widened, that vision had really put her through it. She moved her arms, which had still been in his vice-like grip. A grip which showed her what she already felt for him, his desperation for this to be true. For her to be back to how she was. He loosened the grip when he noticed and she moved to run her hands up his chest, slowly moving across his clavicle and resting on either side of his face. She looked up at him, her face determined as she stared into the eyes she had been lost in since they had spent the evening together in Giles' bathroom. When she felt the pull, the feeling she was meant to be with him, although she didn't know what the feeling meant at the time. She closed her eyes, letting him feel everything she had experienced. All of her grief, her past, the prophecy. The way he had let her in before. It almost knocked Spike off his feet, but Saff's hands still placed, cupping his cheeks, grounded him. He knew from things she had said what had been going on, but feeling it was another matter. Saffron let the tears run down her face as she relived it all over again. She needed to feel it. She needed him to know her like this. Tears filled Spike's eyes as he felt it, barely keeping the water from spilling over and staining his cheeks, in a way that would have rivalled hers. He moved to wrap his arms around her and she collapsed into him, he continued to hold her close to him. He wished he could do more to take away her pain. He knew she was cut up inside, he didn't need her abilities to understand the emotions of the woman he loved.

"I love you, Saffron" He whispered, kissing the top of her head as she leaned into him.

"I love you too, William" she replied, without a second of hesitation. The most honest words she would ever speak, knowing that this moment would be one she would cherish forever. They both fully accepted each other, and their love was as strong as ever. She was letting all the emotions back in again, and now she was in physical contact with Spike again she felt his love lifting her up. She let the warm acceptance envelope her, as she made sure he could feel it from her too. She looked up from where she had been resting on his chest and moved to kiss him again. This time, he accepted her advances. Their kiss was soft and slow, full of feeling. Their lips moved in perfect sync with each other, as if they were meant to do this. It was as if they were kissing for the first time, discovering the other on a deeper level. Saffron moved to run her hands down Spike's back and he moved her so that she was pressed against one of the concrete mausoleums. Their lips barely left the other as they expressed their love. Spike's firm grip on her thigh encouraged her to wrap her leg, the one without the shoe, around his waist as she was further pressed into the side of the concrete. A fiery heat was igniting between them, the lost time becoming more and more apparent as Spike's mouth dominated hers. It had been too long.

What the pair hadn't noticed, was that they were being watched. Xander had come across them from the dimly lit street and was behind a bush watching the passionate exchange. It wasn't a sight he had enjoyed seeing before but the protective streak in him flared when he saw Spike press her against the wall of the mausoleum in the state that she was in. Xander had been on a walk to clear his head, an axe in his hand hoping there was something easy for him to take his frustration out after seeing Saffron. He had only come across them as they had started to kiss from his place in the trees. He was angry with Spike. He was upset with Saffron, but ultimately he knew she had a problem and all he could see was Spike taking advantage of that. He believed all Spike cared about was himself. He needed to warn him to leave her alone, especially now.

_ **xoxoxo** _

When she finally arrived at Revello, she didn't know what to do. Should she knock? Use her key? She decided to let herself in, the first person she met was Willow. She could feel that she was hurt, and Saffron didn't need three guesses as to why. It was her doing. She tried to greet her warmly, but Willow didn't seem pleased to see her. She explained that Buffy and Giles had gone on some kind of soul-searching trip. A lot of that going around, she thought. But Willow didn't stick around, that was all that she said to Saffron before ignoring her and heading upstairs to her room. Saffron debated following her but knew that she would need some time. Tara had given her a small smile when she had seen her and whispered in her ear. Saffron nodded solemnly and watched Tara slowly follow the path Willow had taken up to their shared room. She caught sight of someone she really needed to talk to and ran over to the kitchen to see if she could convince her to hear her out.

Saffron was following Dawn through the house, begging her to stop long enough for her to listen. They had already done one and a half laps of the entire house. Both stories. They were in Dawn's room now and Saffron hadn't given up trying to talk to the littlest Summers.

"Dawn, please. I'm so sorry. I thought keeping my distance was the best way to keep you safe" She said, trying to explain the way she had been thinking. After seeing everything in context, she felt pretty stupid about the way she had justified her destructive behaviour towards the people she had been closest to. Dawn swung around at her words, calling bull in her own way.

"Liar! Your pants are totally on fire! You weren't thinking about anything except your bottle of alcohol! I've never seen someone being so overdramatic and I go to high school!" She shouted, guarding her emotions, although Saff knew that Dawn was beyond upset with her. She could feel it, it was as if she was drowning in the younger brunette's imaginary tears.

"Dawny, I know what happened with the drinking was bad. Way bad. But I'm completely sober now, and trying my best to stay that way. I know I was being a complete idiot, but I'm trying. There was this whole vision, very _A Christmas carol_, you would have loved it" She tried to appeal to her cousin, but her emotions were too strong. Dawn just folded her arms, unmoved by her cousin's little speech. She had heard it before.

"The things you said hurt me" She stated, not looking at her cousin, who she had once idolised.

"I'm sorry, Dawn light. I'm working on making it up to everyone. You're my number one priority" Saffron said, hoping Dawn knew she wasn't giving up. She used one of the pun nicknames she used to call her. Saffron had wanted to say more, but Xander ran into the house at that very moment. His shouts made Dawn push past Saff and descend the stairs in a hurry, with Saff close behind her. Everyone was gathered in the living room now as Xander started to speak.

"It's Spike, he's been taken by- what's she doing here?" Xander cut himself off as he saw Saff stood in the doorway.

"I, uh, do live here… and obviously, I'm on my quest for redemption. Won't be as brooding as Angel though, promise" Saff tried to be light-hearted.

"Spike's been taken by Glory's people" Xander continued as if Saff hadn't spoken, but she didn't mind for now. Not when she heard Spike had been taken, she was scared of what might happen to him, "I was telling him to back off, I saw him taking advantage of- well, I saw him with Saff" He muttered as Saffron's eyes went wide. He still cared. He had gone to warn Spike away from her, but it meant he still cared. She had a small glimmer of hope lighting up in her chest. At that moment Buffy ran in, Giles close behind, her mouth dropped when she saw Saffron standing in the middle of the room and stopped herself from running at her and hugging her. Xander got in too quickly anyway, explaining that Spike had been taken and he knew that Dawn was the key. This worried everyone and they quickly stocked up on weapons.

"We need to find them before Glory finds out Dawn's the key"

"He wouldn't say anything about Dawn" She stated, having complete faith in Spike.

"I find that increasingly unlikely, considering the way he blamed us for your sudden disappearance" Giles said coldly, a tone he had never directed towards Saffron before. She shivered at his words and ducked her head in shame. They didn't trust her, and although she knew they had good reason, it still hurt, "Stay here" Giles told her, taking the mace off her and putting it back in the chest of weapons. Saffron looked deflated at what he said but didn't bite her tongue as she had planned to.

"You can't bench me, G. It's Spike. I need to come" She insisted, her feelings for Spike outweighed her plan to make amends. She had to get to him. Now.

"Of course, that's all you have ever cared about. The bloody vampire" Giles said plainly.

"That's William the bloody to you" She snapped back and winced. She hadn't meant to say it out loud. She was trying to apologise, not widen the rift between them.

"Giles, she's coming" Buffy said and Saffron gave her cousin a tight smile to thank her, but Buffy didn't return it. "Just take a weapon and don't do anything stupid" Saffron shrugged, that was the best she could have hoped for. She grabbed a pair of Dawn's trainers and followed the rest of the gang to where Glory had Spike.

The battle had been hard, but they all got through it. Saffron had found Spike and tried her best to be involved in the fighting. She was a lot better than she had ever remembered, despite her downward spiral not leaving much time for practice. She watched as Giles and Xander took Spike back to his crypt. She wanted to follow them but knew better than to be alone with the two men that were least convinced by her new attitude to sobriety and honesty. She walked back with Buffy and the others, not saying much in case she felt their hurt again. A lot of what she had said cut her raw with emotion when she was reminded of the way they had all felt when she said it. Saffron knew she had a long way to go with everyone, but she was determined to prove that she meant what she was saying now.

Buffy slowly walked into the crypt. Even she winced at the state that Spike was in, but she had to know. She had to make sure that Dawn was safe.

"What did you say about the key?" She hissed, coming over to him.

"Nothing" He tried to shrug, but everything hurt. Buffy wasn't convinced. "It would destroy Saff, she's on eggshells as it is. I love her, slayer" He replied through his swollen lips.

"I know" Buffy nodded, acknowledging that he loved her. Spike nodded at her words glad she had finally accepted it.

Saff walked in but stopped short when she saw them both. Her eyes instantly landed on Spike. His face was swollen and cut. She had tortured him. Her eyes watered at the sight of him, she wished she could rush over to him and make it go away. He had done that for her and for her family. Buffy nodded at her somberly and left the crypt. Saffron rushed to Spike's side, asking if he was okay and if he needed anything. She stroked his cheek softly but stopped when he winced. She was in deep thought and looked back towards the door after where her cousin had just left. She seemed conflicted and Spike looked at her and smiled slightly.

"Go and have the whole touchy-feely talk with big cuz, I'll still be just as bumped and bruised when you get back" He croaked, adjusting the way he was sitting. She searched his face, making sure that he really could be left alone. She didn't want to leave his side again, but she needed to talk to her cousin.

"I'm coming straight back. I promise" She whispered, leaving a quick kiss on his lips, making sure to touch him lightly with them. She then ran through the exit her cousin had taken.

"I've heard that one before, pet!" He shouted after her, reminding her of how she had left and not returned very recently. She smiled, Glory hadn't broken his sense of humour. Only thing she hadn't hurt though, she thought angrily. She managed to catch up with Buffy easily, her cousin was sat by herself on one of the mausoleum rooves. Buffy had been crying and Saffron wasn't sure what to do, she barely ever saw her cousin crying. Here goes. She walked into Buffy's line of view and sat on a gravestone opposite the building she was sat on.

"Fancy meeting you here" Saff said, trying to break the silence. She sent a feeling of calmness to wash over Buffy, trying to help her through her sadness. Buffy stilled when she felt this and thanked her cousin. Buffy jumped from the building and stood nearer to Saffron.

"I feel like a broken record but, uh, I hope you know how sorry I am"

"Are you gonna prove it?"

"Huh?"

"Are you gonna prove you're really sorry? All I wanted, all any of us wanted, was for you to be okay. We could all see how much you were hurting, Saff. I wish you spoke to me instead of majorly overdoing the drink-a-thon"

"I wish I stopped myself. You all gave me so many chances and I just-"

"You messed up. But there isn't one of us that hasn't. I can't say anyone's convinced yet, it's been… four hours since you decided to be good again" Buffy reminded her, after checking her wrist as if she was looking at her watch.

"Four hours since my life-altering vision that shocked me sober, you mean? Gotta love a Hellmouth-induced come to Jesus moment"

"Just prove to us you're who we thought you were, Saff. Deep wounds heal slowly" Buffy added.

"I'm trying. The lying it ends now, I promise. You're gonna love the new me!" She posed as if her physical appearance had changed and managed to get a small smile from Buffy. She could tell that Buffy was still uncertain, but really wanted to believe her. Buffy was still hurt although the trust hadn't been totally broken, and Saffron was determined to gain it all back. She loved Buffy and she wanted the girl she had shared so much with back. Saffron had never seen herself as a liar, but after everything that she had kept from those she was closest to in the recent past, she had to accept that this was how everyone saw her. They parted ways and Saff turned back to the crypt.

When she entered, she saw that Spike had managed to move himself onto the sofa, but he didn't appear to be conscious. She panicked and ran to kneel beside where he was lying on the sofa. He wasn't dust, so that was a good sign.

"I knew you would never tell Glory" She whispered, stroking his hair softly and sighing at the state he had got himself into. He had so many cuts and bruises she didn't know where to start.

"I knew you'd come back to me" He croaked back, his eyes still closed, a hint of a smile on his swollen face.

"Hey, hush now, babe. We'll do the gushing when you're on the mend" She whispered, planting a soft kiss on his forehead that he seemed to melt into. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't have her here. She was glad that he took comfort in her being there, she could feel it from the slight contact. But, overwhelmingly, she could feel sharp shocks of pain that dug into her like a taser. She jerked when she felt it but made sure she didn't break contact with him. Her hand stroked his arm lovingly, hoping that it was soothing him. She was willing to go through this for him. She stayed knelt there for a long time, stroking him and offering him the comfort she could. She whispered how much she loved him and tried her best to let it flow through to him. Eventually, she explained she wasn't going anywhere, but she needed to get some supplies so she could start to patch him up. She opted for water and a towel, it was all she could find in close range. She couldn't leave him for long though, she was worried about the state he was in. She tried to wipe off all of the dry blood that was thickly caked on his skin. His clothes were in rags and she tried her best to remove most of them so she could reach the wounds. She couldn't stop herself then, the tears. Spike was concerned, he tried to ask her what was wrong, but she just shook her head and picked up the towel she had been using to clean him up.

"This is where I'm supposed to be, Spike"


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37:

They had met outside the magic box after Saffron's shift. Well, she thought she had a shift but Giles had taken her off the rota after almost a month of not showing up for work. He had stated he couldn't rely on her, which had stung, but she couldn't blame him. She was embarrassed of how she had acted and that the only reason she had changed her mind was because she either hallucinated her mother or was sent a non-negotiable wake up call from the powers that be. She still wasn't sure which. While she was waiting for Tara, she had been into a shop to buy a new pair of combat boots, she was missing a full pair and she couldn't bear walking around with Dawn's sparkly silver trainers any longer. Not just because they were a size too small. Tara and Saff entered the Espresso Pump and ordered their coffees. Saffron made sure she paid; it was the least she could do. They sat in the far corner, Saff made sure she could see the rest of the room as she sat down. Her electric blue nails had been freshly painted and she wrapped her hands around her mug, as if she needed the warmth desperately. Her hands shook as she raised the porcelain to her lips and took a large sip, letting the rich liquid slide down her throat. She wished she could inject it straight into her system, she felt like she hadn't slept for months.

"Thanks for seeing me, T" Saffron finally spoke up after setting her mug back onto the table and locking her hands to avoid shaking so visibly.

"What you said broke Willow's heart more than I ever could…"

"I'm so sorry, T, I mean it. I know I shouldn't ask but just please don't leave Sunnydale"

"Huh?"

"I know what I've done, and I know it's shitty, but please don't go. We need you, me and Will especially" Saffron spoke quickly, not ashamed of how desperately she was pleading with one of her closest and most trusted friends, "Even if there's a time where, say, you feel like we don't need you we definitely do-"

"Saff-"

"I know I haven't been a great friend, I've been so wrapped up in… everything. But please just stay okay?"

"Saff, I'm not going anywhere" Tara stated, finally given a chance to speak. Saff scrutinised her before accepting she was telling the truth, her mind confirmed it. She would have to keep an eye on Tara in case she changed her mind. She had been letting every single emotion through again. The biggest in the room hit her in the gut: doubt. Saffron winced, she knew where it was all coming from. "I can feel that you're doubting me too, you know. I'm feeling everyone's emotions again. Even my own. It's mayhem in here" She grimaced, pointing to her head in a way that she must have picked up from Spike. "You're wondering if I added brandy to the coffee, right? Taste it." She looked at Tara as she paused before she took the cup and tentatively sipped it. Tara nodded and went pink at how easily Saffron had read her.

"Where is Willow, anyway?"

"She's at one of those GSA-type meetings at college, she's making all new friends. There's this one friend, Lee, he gives me the creeps-"

"Well, his name's _Lee_. Three-letter names shouldn't be trusted" Saff offered, smiling at her friend. They chatted for the rest of the afternoon, both girls feeling that the trust was growing back between them. Tara knew what it was like having to deal with things like this and feeling so alone and she couldn't measure Saffron in any other way than how she wished others would treat her. She wished the others could see how she was so determined to change, but they would need more time. They eventually had to leave the coffee house, Saffron had somewhere else she needed to be.

"Take this" Tara said quietly as she passed her a grey stone, before quickly giving her some simple instructions for how to use it on Spike. She was relieved when she saw it, Saffron didn't know how to ask her for it. She needed it for Spike but she knew nobody owed her anything. Saffron nodded and thanked her before parting ways with Tara, making sure she got to her next destination with plenty of time.

The sun was high in the sky as Saffron stood awkwardly shuffling through her mp3 player as she waited for Dawn at the entrance of the makeshift school. This high school was much smaller than the one she had attended with Buffy and the others, it was meant to be temporary and that's exactly how it looked. The buildings used to be office spaces that now opened into a warehouse-style room that could be viewed from the outside. Saffron was stood with other parents and she prayed briefly that Dawn didn't make a fuss or worse, ignore her as she left the building. The bell went that signalled the end of the day. She heard it through her earphones and turned the volume down so she could focus on scanning for Dawn through the crowds of excitable adolescents who were rushing to leave before the teachers changed their mind.

She walked back to Revello Drive, trying to work out whether Dawn had seen her waiting and avoided her or had simply not been in school that day. She was worried. Dawn had been getting such good grades before she found out about her true identity. She had been missing school a lot and Saffron couldn't help feeling almost entirely responsible after everything she had said to her whilst she had been drinking. She wished beyond anything that she hadn't said the horrible things she said. She wished, silently, that she had handled everything better. She finally rounded the corner and the house came into view. She rushed up the driveway and entered, seeing Dawn sat on the sofa watching cartoons.

"Why weren't you at school?" Saffron raised her voice after slamming the front door behind her. She walked over to the tv and turned it off, before turning back to Dawn. She crossed her arms and stared for a long time and Dawn provided a matching glare back. When they were younger, they both remembered that Dawn would always back down first, even though they never really had a shared past before the monks came. This time, Dawn wouldn't back down and Saffron blinked and looked to the floor. Who am I to shout at her like that, after everything? Saffron was obviously embarrassed and Dawn scrutinised her before deciding to answer her question.

"You said it. I'm just a big ball of green light, what do I need to go for?" Dawn challenged, the bite in her voice felt like she had been submerged in cold water. The room felt icy cold as Dawn stood from her seat and continued to watch her older cousin, aware she could feel the way she was feeling.

"Dawn, I don't think that, I was-"

"Drunk? Yeah, great excuse"

"Look, Dawny, you're my cousin! I love you and what I said was horrible. I shouldn't have said it" Saff could remember vaguelly the words she had shouted at her cousin, she couldn't think about it for too long though, "I know that sorry's not enough. Everything I said, I thought that I was protecting you-"

"You're _totally_ lying to yourself if you think that! You wanted to hurt me like you were hurting. But I was already hurting, Saff!" Dawn's voice cracked.

"I wanted to save you from being next… I thought- I thought that the powers wanted to prove that I could stand everyone I was close to being taken and still being capable of my stupid fucking destiny"

"That doesn't make any sense, Saff!" Dawny shouted, although she hesitated. She looked at her cousin sadly, she really had been hurting.

"I-I know. I see that now, babe. I've been a world-class idiot" She sighed, trying her best to make it up to her cousin, "How can I make it up to you, Dawny?" She asked, hoping the flicker of understanding she had felt from Dawn meant that she no longer wanted her to leave. She knew Dawn would never idolise her in the way she had when she was younger, but Saff just wanted her cousin back.

"Three scoops of Super Bubblegum and Cherry ice cream from the mall" Dawn said quickly, which made Saff smile despite herself. There was hope that they could be friends, "Um, actually, the principle wants to see a guardian. Make it up to me by going? Don't tell Buffy?" Dawn asked, making sure not to sound desperate so as to convince Saffron. Although, Saff could tell she was nervous of Buffy finding out.

"Don't know if I should be doing the lying thing again, Dawn. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and all…" Saffron started, realising that she was trusting her with this though. She needed to show Dawn she was serious about being a cousin to her again.

"Just don't tell her for a few weeks… until I've turned my own leaf"

"You'll be going back then?" Saffron asked, making sure. She knew she was in no position to ask, but she did care really.

"For as long as you stop the drinking" Dawn said quickly. They both nodded, mirroring each other.

"Deal" Their thumbs connected, an old way of showing they trusted each other that they invented in their first year of living together. Saffron left Dawn so she could write in her diary, that now had three locks on the side and 5 scrawled _'keep outs'_ across the front.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron wore her most professional outfit, the blouse and pencil skirt she had worn to her interview for the magic box, and tried her best not to look out of place as she moved to cross her leg. She had even decided to wear slightly healed shoes to appear more credible to the headteacher. She fiddled with the thread that had started to come loose from her pencil skirt anxiously as she waited next to Dawn.

"Ms. Summers?" A greying woman appeared, glasses perched on the end of her nose. Her grey pantsuit matched her hair. She had a pinched face and she looked like she could kill you with one look. _Scarier than Snyder,_ Saff decided just by looking at her.

"Uh, no… it's-it's Page" She stuttered, the title of head teacher put her on edge.

"Miss… Page? Ah yes, you are listed as a guardian. Please, sit" Her words appeared friendly, but her voice was monotone. There was no real feeling behind the words, but she could just be having a bad day at the office. _Too many meetings with 20-year-olds playing mum._

"Thanks" Saffron silently thanked the Gods that she had been listed as a guardian and looked at Dawn who was inspecting her sneakers closely. _Close call._

"Dawn has been missing a lot of school lately, and when she had been in her classes, her work hasn't been what we have come to expect from her. Now, I do understand that the recent bereavement has been hard on you both…" Saffron switched off from the conversation after this. It wasn't a meeting, it was a lecture. She could feel the woman didn't approve of her and honestly, she didn't care very much. She could feel Dawn's grief as she spoke about Joyce though and she tried her best to cut the meeting short.

"Thank you for caring so much about Dawn, she really does want to do well at school" Saffron smiled sweetly, hoping to butter the woman up. No luck.

"That's very promising but her attendance records say otherwise"

"You have my personal guarantee that I will be with her at the gates before and after school to make sure she's in the gates, uh, miss"

"Your personal guarantee, unfortunately, doesn't mean much until we start to see a real improvement in her attendance and schoolwork"

"Give us a week and Dawn will be at every class with every piece of homework caught up on… won't you, Dawn?" Saff gestured for her to say something convincing. She wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing._ Joyce would be able to handle it,_ she thought sadly. Dawn agreed enthusiastically and apologised to the woman in front of her. The woman seemed satisfied after their grovelling and dismissed them with a nod of her head, already shuffling paperwork and moving on to her next job of the day.

They had walked back through the town to the magic box. Saff had decided that she should take any opportunity she could to prove she was reliable to the others. She missed how it used to be. Dawn had started to chat to her again since they had talked. She was talking about the latest drama at school and Saff interrupted her asking how she could know when she's barely been there. The girls smiled at each other, glad to share a rare moment of humour. They walked into the magic box smiling, but Saff noticed that everyone inside went silent when they saw the pair walk in.

"Hi guys!" She said overly cheerfully and waved to everyone in the room. See, totally back to normal, she reprimanded herself as everyone went back to what they were doing. Ignoring her.

"Nice monkey suit" Xander said eventually, unable to stand the silence, his tone hard to read.

"You don't like the smart casual?" Saff asked, checking herself out. She had forgotten she was still wearing the smart clothes for the meeting.

"Not if it's to hide the too-drunk-to-function-ness" he said, pretending to be more interested in his book.

"It's not." She said shortly. He didn't look convinced, so she spoke up again, "I mean it, I just had somewhere to be" She didn't explain that she had been guilted by Dawn into meeting the principal so that Buffy didn't find out, but she wasn't asked directly so she decided this wasn't a lie. She moved to sit on the other end of the table, next to Dawn. She was helping with her homework. She had a lot to catch up on. Buffy walked into the store, skipping down the steps to the main area where they all did their research.

"All dropped out" she said, dusting her hands off and acting happier than Saffron knew she was about dropping out of college. Saff avoided eye contact with her cousin, this was the most guilt she had felt in a long time, as if all of the guilt from the other lies had finally caught up with her. She got busy drawing a map for one of Dawn's school projects that was beyond late, she decided she owed her that much after everything. Her mind was deep in thought, worrying about Spike as she coloured in the sea. She hadn't seen him since that morning, having moved into the crypt temporarily to look after him. He was healing but seeing the extent of his injuries was painful. She wished it had been her.

"How was the principal's office?" Buffy cut through Saff's thoughts.

_"Shit"_ Saff hissed, they had been found out straight away. Buffy had her hands on her hips as she looked between the two younger girls. She had had a call from the woman they had met, making sure that Saffron actually was a family member. The woman then filled Buffy in on why they had a meeting. Her glare so strong it felt as if she could burn holes through them. "I was gonna tell you…" Saff started, as Dawn looked down at her homework.

"I thought we were past this, Saff. Why are you always lying?" Buffy crossed her arms. This is the point where Saff imagined having a bottle of alcohol later, just to calm her nerves after what was probably about to be another round of kick-Saffron-while-she's-down. No, you can't drink. Not again, she reminded herself of everything. Staying sober was a real challenge.

"Hey! Buffy, that's not fair! She's always told us eventually" Saff was surprised that Dawn, out of everyone had spoken up. She gave Dawn a watery smile to thank her. Dawn shrugged as if it was nothing and started on her geography project as Saff passed her the map back.

"And you're not in the clear either, I can't believe you would skip!" Buffy directed at Dawn, who stayed silent this time.

"I swear I was going to tell you, but Dawn asked for a little time to prove she was going walk the straight and narrow. Who am I to deny her a second chance?"

"Is that true?" Buffy scrutinised the pair. Dawn nodded her agreement and looked down at her work, ashamed. Buffy asked Willow to help with Dawn's homework, not convinced that Saffron would be the most help. She then left to talk to Giles in the back room away from the others.

"Dawn's messing up. Saff's messing up. I'm messing up. It's a mess" Buffy sighed, at a loss with how to handle everything that had been thrown at them recently.

"You'll just have to put your foot down with Dawn. As for, ah, Saffron it appears she is back on track with the uh, sobriety and she did share the responsibility with meeting the principal. They both just need some, ah, tough love"

"Saff's fragile. Her parenting skills are questionable at best and I'm scared the next time something bad happens I'll lose her. Like we… like we lost Mom" Buffy's throat caught as she spoke about it, "And I mean, I try. It's just my foot's not used to being put down. I want you to do it. You can be the foot-putting-downer"

"No, Buffy. I don't think I can" Giles explained, "Anyway, I haven't had much cause to, ah, speak to Saffron since she had her, ah…" Giles didn't know what to call what happened with Saffron. He knew that this behaviour had a cause, Buffy had explained what Spike had told her. But he decided she needed tough love. From him and Buffy.

"Please? Pretty please? I mean, your foot is way bigger than mine. And you're so much more a grown-up than me. Dawn needs an authority figure, a strong guiding hand. She'll listen to you"

"Like you always have? Like Saffron ever did?" Giles questioned dubiously.

"I listen. I do" Buffy said unconvincingly, "I mean, really, Saff was the one with an authority problem, I think the blame rests nicely on her" Buffy joked and Giles smiled sadly. How had they let Saffron get so out of control? He couldn't help but feel responsible. She hadn't had much in the way of a father-figure. He had tried, but she saw him to be telling her what to do rather than helping.

"I may be a grown-up, but you're their family. Their only real family now. They both need you to do this"

"Right. They need me. Me, the grown-up. The authority figure. The strong guiding hand and stompy foot that is me"

"That's the spirit" Giles said as he steered Buffy towards the main part of the shop where everyone was helping with Dawn's homework.

_ **xoxoxo** _

When Giles and Buffy left for what Saff presumed was a work-out where Buffy pretending the punching bag was her face, Saffron started to write up another homework sheet for Dawn hoping that the answers hadn't changed since her stint at Sunnydale High. She thought of Spike, hoping he was coping and hadn't moved from the bed. She had set up blood and the mini fridge next to the bed. She had moved the tv down to the lower level, annoying Spike as the reception just wasn't as good. But she had to, or he'd start moving about and she needed him to get better. As her brow furrowed at the thought of Spike alone and probably in pain still because he won't have been able to stop himself not listening to her advice, she felt Xander and Anya's gaze. Their doubt and annoyance at her presence penetrated her every thought. When she looked up to meet their eyes, they looked away as Xander pretended to be interested in Anya's ramblings about the merits of Capitalism.

She had had enough. Saff used the chair as a ladder, so she could stand on the table. Everyone stared in horror, worrying about what was about to happen.

"What are you doing?"

"Careful of my merchandise!"

"SP, have you been on the drink again?" Xander asked, weary of his friend and her behaviour. She cleared her throat, as if she was about to make an important speech. And, well, she was. Everyone's attention was on her.

"I know sorry isn't enough. I said those things out of anger. Out of stupidity… I would do anything to make it up to you all." She tailed off, but felt that the others wanted to hear what she had to say, "I convinced myself I was saving you from being hurt too. By cutting ties with you all, I thought- I told myself I was protecting you all. But I was kidding myself. I was hurting and I took it out on all of you, and I shouldn't have" there were some nods of understanding, others opting just to mull over what she had shared. "I really am sorry" She whispered, as Xander, ever the gentleman, wasn't mad enough not to give her a helping hand back down to the ground from the table.

"Dawny, why don't we start with that Geometry?" Willow asked kindly rather than reassuring Saffron as she once would have done. Dawn took her book out and Saff made a noise of disgust, this was something she couldn't help with, "I need three glamorous assistants for Dawny's homework question!" Willow asked the room enthusiastically after reading through the tasks. Xander and Anya agreed and the room turned to Saffron. There was an awkward silence, nobody really knew where they stood with each other.

"Hey, no, I'm like allergic to maths, if this even is maths, which I can't tell because they give them all these weird names!"

"Well, you did say you wanted to get with the making up to us?"

"Well, this is helping Dawn and Dawn's already been helped what with the sneaking and the lying about the principal despite my newfound not-lying, so you know, you might have to fill in this time babe"

"Well, seems like you're not a triangle then, Saffy. You're a circle" Willow said, knowing this would mean Saff would question her. She wasn't exactly okay with Saffron, she was really hurt. But she couldn't help biting back a smile.

"I'm a circle?"

"Yep, pointless!" Willow said, grinning. She enjoyed mathematical puns more than holding grudges. Saffron could feel that Willow was still hurt but she was trying to make everything feel normal for Dawn. Saff understood, she hadn't been a good friend, this wasn't just going to go away.

"Fine, I'll be part of your human-triangle as long as we quit while we're behind with the horrible puns"

Anya, Xander and Saff arranged themselves in a triangle on the floor with Willow explaining the problem as Dawn stood in the middle concentrating. Saff couldn't help smiling, enjoying the afternoon's activity. It hit her, how normal it felt. How good life could be when she was a part of it again. She had felt guilty before for feeling anything other than grief. The anger had been living deep in her chest where it was slowly dissipating now. It was getting easier, easier than it had been when she had been drinking.

"Xander you're so obtuse"

"Hey! I'll have you know that there are many layers to the Xand-meister"

"Well, I don't know about that, but you do make a-cute triangle" Dawn said and everyone started to chuckle. It was nice, they hadn't felt able to just mess about for a long time. For Saffron, it was the most normal thing she had felt in a long time. It was like being back in high school.

When Buffy walked back in, the smiles dropped. Buffy shouted at Dawn for not doing her homework as she saw them all laughing.

"I _was_ doing homework!" Dawn insisted at Buffy's attitude.

"She really was" Saffron quickly backed her up.

"Please don't lie to me"

"We so are not!" Dawn protested as Buffy sighed. She felt like the younger two never listened to her and now she was trying to put her foot down and even Willow was on their side. Will explained what just happened. She highlighted that they were helping Dawn learn through visual-aids and Saffron had joined in to help make it up to the others, and the puns had meant that hilarity ensued.

"Right. Well, you know what I think? I think maybe Dawn should do her homework at home"

"But it was working. I was really learning"

"Please get your stuff. Both of you" Buffy said firmly. Saff's head dropped, she was embarrassed. She couldn't manage to do anything right. She needed a drink. _No, she didn't._

"Fine. Don't listen to me" Dawn said pointedly and Saff sent her a wave of calm. Buffy felt responsible for them. It made Saffron guilty as hell but Dawn was young, probably thinking about it as an injustice. Willow defended the pair, explaining the reason for the laughter and the human triangles. Buffy wouldn't hear it, focusing on the tough love. She told Will she couldn't understand their loss. Her responsibility.

Willow offered for all of them to go to the world culture fair that was on in a month or so, it would be educational and something to occupy everyone's mind. But Buffy refused. She was adamant on being firm with the younger girls. Saffron listened, feeling what Buffy felt. It almost made her cry, but she was determined to stay strong.

"I can't do it" Buffy shrugged as Will tried to sell the fair again. Saffron looked at Buffy, really looked at her. She scrutinised her emotions in a way she had stopped herself from doing for a while now. She felt the hollow feeling, the worry and the weight of responsibility Buffy felt she had. She felt alone. Alone in all of it.

"Look, Buffy. I know what I did was stupid. You told me that I need to prove who I am, deep wounds heal slow, all that. This is me trying, okay? Let me help you with Dawn? With everything?" Saffron pleaded to her cousin, she wanted to share her responsibility. Saff took Buffy's hand as Dawn sulked and threw her books into her backpack. Saff was really trying, and Buffy could tell. She didn't say anything, trying the tough love still. She nodded once, but still told the pair to follow her. And they did, all the way back to their home.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The crypt was pitch black when she entered, the only light was from the moon that streamed in when she opened the door. When she closed it behind her the room was shrouded in darkness again. She fumbled her way into the centre of the room, feeling items of furniture that she recognised to tell her where she was in the room. She took a wrong turn from the coffee table and tripped and landed hard on her knees. She groaned and muttered some choice curse words under her breath.

"Have I ever told you how much I like to see you in that position, pet?" Spike croaked from the opposite side of the room. Saffron looked up into the darkness and glared, not entirely sure if she was glaring in the right direction. She realised she wasn't when Spike managed to chuckle which turned into more of a wheeze. He could see well in the dark where all she could see was, well, darkness.

"You were watching me struggle this whole time? If you weren't in need of medical attention, I'd call you an asshole"

"You gonna nurse me better?" He asked, she still couldn't see him but she knew that there was a cocky smirk firmly planted on his face as well as an eyebrow raising suggestively. She sighed and hauled herself to her feet and scrabbled to find the switch to the lamp on the other side of the chair she had fallen next to. The light flooded the room and although it was a small source of light, it meant she could see Spike now at least, and she had been right about the eyebrow. He was lying flat on a raised concrete gravestone, still swollen but the bruising had been reduced to yellow and green patches across his skin.

"You mean like I have been for the past few weeks? Of course, love" She rolled her eyes as she said love. It slipped from her mouth, she had been spending so much time with him that his phrasing had rubbed off on her. The sight of him still worried her, she was sure he had broken a whole bunch of bones that she couldn't even name.

"Stop worrying, it's only cuts and bruises honeysuckle" He stated, which would have been convincing if he hadn't winced and clutched his side as he tried to sit himself up. She rushed over and took his weight to help him get sat up comfortably. He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes, he was glad she was back. She had been away all day again trying to convince everyone she could be trusted and running errands for him. He knew how desperately she wanted to prove herself to the others. What annoyed him was that she would have forgiven any of them almost instantly if the roles were reversed. Saffron had been staying every night though, which just about made up for him missing her most of the day. He felt relaxed in her presence and wished she could just move into the crypt permanently. He moved his arm to softly rest on her waist, which made her sigh softly. She felt more relaxed too, despite her worry. She moved her hand to softly stroke his shocking blonde hair. He closed his eyes again and seemed to melt into her touch. The feeling of comfort from his girl couldn't match up to any feeling in the world. Except maybe when they shagged, he decided. His hair hadn't been styled and neither of them had bothered much with their appearance, more concerned with the open wounds which were only now closing up, very slowly, even with his vampire healing.

She moved from his side and he let out a low growl in the back of his throat in protest, he missed the contact. She was already across the room and getting items she needed out of the plastic bag he hadn't noticed she had brought in with her. She started to arrange some green candles and salt in a circle in front of where Spike was sat. He raised his eyebrow but watched without saying anything and just watched as she lit the candles clockwise, muttering something as she went. She placed the pebble from her pocket into the centre of the circle carefully. She recited the words Tara had told her to say and closed her eyes.

"Most people bring grapes, pet"

"Maybe I'm about to conjure up some for you right now" She said, smiling at him, moving her hands around as if she was casting a spell. Spike snorted and told her he'd be disappointed if it turned out all the spell was good for was healing him, but the end of his sentence ended in a gasp as he felt a twinge of pain. She passed Spike the pebble, telling him hold it tightly. She could see that he was worn out from the pain and when he recovered, she helped him get to the lower part of the crypt and made sure he was in bed, still with the stone in his hand.

"Tara let us borrow the stone, so please don't lose it" She whispered as she fussed around the room, putting the tv on and made sure he was comfortable.

"We could always pick up a pebble from outside, bird wouldn't know the difference" Spike shrugged, then winced at the movement.

"She's not some bird, she's Tara and she would definitely know, Spike. She's proper powerful"

"And I'm proper hurting, love. Cut a man some slack" He said, closing his eyes and resting the rock on his chest.

"Didn't say jar, did I?" She whispered with a wink, settling herself in the bed next to him. She tried not to move too much and hurt him. He rolled over to face her, the pebble dropping from his chest to rest on the duvet between them. His eyes blinking slowly as he looked at her, one was still swollen. She moved to stroke his arm lightly, offering some comfort.

"Tell me a story?" He asked sleepily, dropping a soft kiss just below her chin. His eyes were still closed as he smiled slightly at her reply.

"What are you 12? I don't know any stories"

"I'm on death's door here, pet. A bit of comfort wouldn't go amiss" He said, opening one eye, knowing that she'd give in and give him what he asked for. She rolled her eyes but a fond smile was on her lips as she took the stone and clasped his hands around it. It was important that he got well again.

"You're not on death's door, Spike. You're in the bloody building and up the elevator" She said, more half-heartedly than she had intended. She was worrying about him. She was thinking about the risk he had taken for her and her family. Her arms snaked around him, the softness to her touch felt as if it was a balm to his wounds in itself. She wanted him as close as she could without him hurting any further. She found herself absentmindedly stroking her hands through his bleached hair again. She started to speak softly about her life in England, something she had rarely done, even with him. She spoke as if she was narrating a fairy-tale. He relaxed into her touch and listened intently with his eyes closed. They both eventually started to fall asleep to the rhythm of Saffron's caress. It was the best sleep either of them had had in a long while.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38:

It had been a month and things seemed to be improving, despite the ongoing threat from Glory and the possibility of another visit from the Eyes' fan club. Saffron had been making amends, her relationships were healing with the group, with the exception of Giles and Xander. Buffy, Dawn and Saffron were laying around lazily on the beach. This is the one that Joyce would take them to in summers before everything had changed. All of them had fond memories of this place and coming back was bittersweet. The golden sand felt warm, even through the towels that they had planted on the ground to bathe on. The small parasol was protecting Saff from the direct heat as she sat reading next to Buffy. Buffy had picked up a book for the first time in a long time, trying to relax herself too.

They were having a nice time, their relationships were starting to go back to normal, although each one of them had a Joyce-shaped hole in their hearts. Saffron had been struggling to stay away from the alcohol, even being on the beach reminded her of fruity cocktails or maybe an ice-cold beer. But she continued to keep away. She owed them, and herself, that much. Saff had decided on the family-bonding activity of the day. Plus, it got them out of Sunnydale and on the beach. She knew how much Buffy liked the beach too.

Saff still had a lot of making up to do, so she went off to buy ice creams for them all. She got up and slowly walked over to the ice cream shack in her black platform flip-flops, ordering ice pops for her and Buffy and the biggest ice cream she could afford for Dawn. When she returned, Dawn's eyes widened and she grinned wide as she grabbed for the ice cream that was piled high with different flavours. She passed Buffy the ice pop and she thanked her, it was her favourite flavour (Cola) which made the blonde smile widely. Saffron had opted for the blue one, she had never understood what the blue-ness really tasted of, but she had enjoyed it all the same.

"You remembered!" Buffy beamed as she unwrapped it.

"I can be caring" Saff shrugged, sucking on the unnaturally blue ice.

"Not usually unless there's a big initiative-style cover up for something" Buffy said, licking her ice-lolly.

"Yeah why are you being all… nice?" Dawn asked, squinting her eyes and pretending to be suspicious. Saff shot them both a look, suggesting they knew why and they just smiled. She rolled her eyes. She felt it then. They were messing with her.

"You know I love the beach, Dawny" Saff shrugged.

"What more could you want? There's sand, there's sea and there's no monsters waiting to annoy any of us" Buffy smiled slightly, lying back to soak up the sun. This break was exactly what she needed. What all of them needed.

"Plus, '_Beach babes: prophecy of the three'_ screams movie franchise! Angel's in L.A. still, right? I might send him a pitch to pass along to one of those Hollywood types" Saff smiled, returning to her book. Dawn tried to lie and sunbathe like Buffy but kept tossing and turning under the California heat. She sighed dramatically and when no one asked her what was up, she sat up and started to chat.

"Whatcha reading?" Dawn asked as Saff sighed, resting the book down to look at her younger cousin. Buffy opened her eyes to roll them at Dawn, making Saff smile slightly, before she closed them again and relaxed in the heat.

"A book, Dawn of man" she said, knowing Dawn hated it when she said that one.

"Hey! It should be Dawn of Wo-man!" Dawn protested, as Saff picked her book back up to attempt to get some downtime.

"That's not the saying though is it" Saff replied, turning the page of her book. She squinted, the pages were starting to be too bright, reflecting the sun's light. She put on some shades and relaxed back into the story. Dawn was quiet for a while, sulking at the name she had been called.

"What about Spike? How is he?" Dawn asked, knowing Saff would talk to her about this.

"He's almost completely healed now" Saffron didn't add the way she knew this, which was his sex drive had returned to normal. Dawn smiled and nodded, continuing to try to catch all the dripping ice cream that had started to melt onto her hands. Saff smirked to herself and shook her head, reminding herself of the other night. She was snapped out of this thought by a strange feeling from the sand below her. It was as if it had shifted. Her smile faded as she stood up from her towel, placing the book down. She stared at the sand but heard a cracking sound behind her, making her whip her head around to face it. The sun was down now, in the blink of an eye. Almost pitch black. Buffy and Dawn were sleeping and the tide was coming in. How much time had she lost? They must have slept through the afternoon, Saff started to try to wake them up, but neither of them stirred.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you" A familiar voice called.

"You again?" She asked, rolling her eyes._ Fucking fish-features._

"I'm as happy about it as you are. I was hoping you'd drink yourself into oblivion before I had to come back with a message. But, I guess I can't punish the innocent because we don't mesh" He demonstrate by interlocking his own hands and pulling them apart. Saff rolled her eyes, waiting for him to get on with it. He just looked over at Dawn rather than carrying on though.

"Can- can you tell me so they can wake up and we can get on with our lives?" Saff asked impatiently as he paused for dramatic effect.

"There is a role for each of you, to stick to the plan would be appreciated by the powers, but, again, this is _you_ we're talking about…"

"Have I ever failed you before?" She asked, a sweet smile on her lips for the man.

"You want the list? I had to transcribe it"

"Did you have to use a stone tablet?" She sniggered, letting his words roll off her.

_"The gift. A choice of many. Let there be light where once there was not any. As in any sacred sacrifice, the sight's protective hand must guide the path. What is done must be done for the good of the last"_

"You know, you're getting better at this gig. Something I can actually work with for once!"

"All I do is recite the word of those in charge" He said looking to the sky.

"I know, I know. You're the crabby messenger with the angelic voice, you don't make the rules" She smiled as if at an old friend, "Can I ask? Why is it only ever me that gets the messages, apart from our little group venture a while back?" The man sighed, her tendency to not take him or the carefully crafted words laid out by the powers seriously frustrated him, although he had to admit that she was growing on him, she continued when he didn't interrupt her, "If it's the three of us, shouldn't we all get involved? A group project approach to the apocalypse wouldn't be a bad thing. Is there a suggestion box outside the Power's offices? Pass that along for me?"

"Do you ever listen to what I tell you?" He sighed, kicking some sand which made Saff's eyes widen and a smile twitch at the corner of her lips, he's getting an attitude she laughed internally as he continued, "_'The sight's protective hand must guide the path'._ Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"That would actually be helpful" She smiled, lighting herself up a cigarette and offering him one from her pack. She had to allow herself to have at least one vice to cope with everything that was thrown at her.

"Can't, vocal chords" He said, gesturing to his throat as she shrugged and put her pack back into her pocket, "If you weren't around they wouldn't get the messages, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't see it in time, what must be done. What is expected. They would be going against their foes _blind,_ as it were"

Saff rolled her eyes, _lot of good any of the messages have even done._ She couldn't recall even one that had helped them seriously prepare for Glory or the corrupted. He suddenly clapped and Saffron could feel herself sinking. The man watched, smiling slightly at her panic, as she started to get trapped in the quicksand. She thrashed wildly trying to free herself. She noticed the other two were slowly sinking as well, which made her scream. _Not them. Don't take them too._ She was up to her neck in it now and she tried her hardest to keep her head above the liquid sand. She looked around, the other two had disappeared. As had the messenger. She screamed, but it became muffled as she was buried alive, slowly sinking further. Her whole body seemed to be made up of sand as she slipped into the earth, her screams no longer heard by anyone. Not even herself.

She woke up with a start, clutching her throat and gasping for air. She decided she was going to have to put in an official complaint with the powers if this carried on. She was back on the beach, the sun shining down on the three of them. Dawn was making a sandcastle and Buffy was giving her instructions from where she was lying on her side. Dawn was sighing, saying she didn't need any help making a sandcastle. Apparently, she wasn't 8 years old and could be trusted to construct it herself. Saff sat up without warning, snapped out of her dream. This shocked Dawn and her spade knocked into her sandcastle. Buffy laughed, pointing out she did need her help. Dawn pulled a face and it was almost back to how it used to be. Except Joyce wasn't there to keep the peace. The pair looked back to Saff and their expressions faltered, the laughter fading as Saff stared into the distance. Dying in the visions was doing her head in.

"Saff? What's wrong?" Buffy asked moving to kneel next to her.

"I- I need to show you both something" She said calmer than she felt. The other two looked at each other before Dawn copied Buffy's actions and knelt next to their cousin. She quickly explained what might happen at the end before asking them to hold hands, in a circle. Dawn wiped her hands down her shorts, getting the last of the sticky, melted ice cream off her hands before joining them with the other girls. After she showed them the vision, they seemed stunned. Saff was glad they didn't feel the quicksand like she did. Well, she hoped they didn't. Something big was coming. All three were needed to defeat Glory and save the world. Again.

They packed up their beach stuff and walked together to leave. Buffy was in deep thought, as was Dawn. Saff paused to pick up a shell and smiled to herself. She slipped it into her pocket before linking arms with both of the girls. Trying to soothe them through their confusion and worry as they slowly left the beach.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron was wearing her version of a summer dress: all black with patterned purple flowers and spaghetti straps. The California climate was too hot today to wear anything else and she had already gone through a bottle of sun cream to try to stop her unnaturally pale skin from burning. She really was going to have to invest in some fake tan, she decided that morning after checking her tan against Buffy and Dawn's. Much like the weather outside, the crypt was surprisingly warm for once, although Saffron had her back on the cold floor so she couldn't appreciate the weather. Instead, she focused on appreciating her very attractive boyfriend. Spike was leaning over her, pressing her into the concrete beneath them. He kneeled between her spread legs, kissing her lazily, making sure to cherish every part of the woman laid before him. A sloppy passion was threatening to ignite between them as Saffron curled a hand into his blonde hair willing him closer. He tenderly stroked the side of her neck before angling her chin back and pressing kisses across her pale skin. He nipped at the skin, sucking lightly and enjoying the noises she couldn't help making. His hand was entwined with the hand that wasn't desperately clinging to the strands of his hair. As her hand entwined with his, she couldn't help but think about how intimate it felt. How close she was to this man. How much trust that they could afford each other. They had both seen each other at their most vulnerable, and they only loved each other more because of it. Their eyes locked and she was about to say all of the things that he already knew she was feeling.

That was until Saff's phone started to ring, spike started to reach for the coffee table to throw the cell currently resting on it against a wall. It was really annoying him. He was starting to think the world was against him and his girl getting time alone. Saffron managed to grab the phone before him, she wasn't willing to fork out for another one. She checked the caller ID and flipped it up to answer the call much to Spike's annoyance.

"Hey, T, I'm actually a little busy…" Saff smiled as Spike ran his hand over her, pulling a strap down her shoulder whilst whispering in her ear and biting down on her lobe lightly. There was a glint in his eye as he imagined all the ways to tease her while she had to keep her voice level for the person on the other side of the phone.

"Me and Willow had a fight"

"Shit" She said, softly moving spike to face her, a short shake of her head showing she was serious now. He shrugged as if he didn't care, but she could tell he definitely did care as he sulked. He sat up as she did the same, facing him. He was eyeing the cabinet that had a bottle of jack in it, he had been avoiding drinking in front of his girl, knowing she found being around others drinking too much of a temptation still. Instead he flicked on the tv, catching a rerun of a soap opera.

"She- she thinks that I don't think she's gay enough for me" Tara sighed, Saffron could feel the sorrow through the receiver. Saff asked for the full story and Tara gave a detailed account of the whole argument. Saff listened, trying to offer support where there was a pause. She offered a big tub of ice cream and movies that night which Tara happily accepted. Tara asked her to meet her at the Culture fair. It was today and Tara was going to see if Willow would be there, but she would need support if she didn't show. Saffron paused, looking at Spike but agreed saying she would meet her at the fair.

Spike looked up as she eventually flipped the phone down. He had been sulking through the whole conversation.

"I gotta go, babe. Lesbian drama to help sort out" Saff said, adjusting her clothes that had been moved out of Spike's way when he was busy earlier.

"Perhaps they need time to themselves?" Spike tried in vain, eyeing the cabinet again. He'd have to drink by himself instead if she left. He hated it when she left.

"It's a world culture fair, if Will turns up I'll bag some candy floss and come straight back to you. Hopefully, you won't be drowning in liquor by the time I come back"

"You have to know everything, don't you love? Nobody likes a know-it-all you know"

"I know!" She smiled pulling a face, "Your eye was wondering, sweets, I was starting to become jealous of Mr. Jack Daniels over there"

"Oi, watch it! Nothing could compare to my love for you, Honey"

"You know you can drink when I'm here. So you're not all sad and drinking alone"

"You don't need that kind of stress, pet. It's not sad, I've been drinking alone for centuries"

"I can handle it. Thank you, for looking after me though… You mean the world to me, I couldn't bear it if we had a fight like theirs. I missed you so much last time we were apart I could, uh, hardly breathe" She said, staring at her shoes as if they were suddenly really interesting. She was thinking about what an idiot she had been, how she had left him. They hadn't fought but there had been a distance. He pulled her to him, the kiss slower than usual an urgency was poured into every movement between them. He was kissing her as if this was the last kiss they would ever enjoy. The feeling behind it telling her that she didn't need to worry, that he was there as she was for him. "Stay?" He whispered, the kiss lingering. He hated the way his voice wavered. His bravado slipping as he wanted her to stay with him. She stared into his eyes, grey meeting cool blue. She smiled and flipped her mobile phone back up.

**Saffron: sorry T, can't make the fair. i have a feeling Willow will be there looking 4 you anyway – don't want to ruin the moment**

**Tara: That's okay, I should talk to her myself! I'll message you if she comes. Is movie night still on? x**

**Saffron: definitely! i'll buy extra ice cream to make it up to you**

**Saffron: with any luck you'll be bringing Will back for movie night too! see u soon babe xx**

**Tara: Enjoy your quality time with Spike ;) x**

Saffron laughed at the last message, she wasn't fooling anyone. She flipped her phone down and left it on the coffee table, turning her attention back to her vampire. She pulled him to her almost climbing him like a tree as she wrapped herself around him, kissing him anywhere she could. Her quick, excited kisses were sugary sweet. Seeing her like this made him happy. He loved this woman, all sides of her. He decided, with a smirk, to show his appreciation that she was staying. He had been leaving sloppy kisses down her neck and his hands had been roaming throughout Saff's text conversation and they both hummed in pleasure as she was able to turn her full attention back to him. She moved to catch his lips again but he moved back, shaking his head. There was a glint in his eyes that were already darkened with lust.

"Patience, love" He whispered, peeling her legs from where they had been wrapped around him and setting her in place on the sofa. Spike dropped to his knees in front of where she was sat. He took her thighs in his firm grip, spreading them, kissing sloppily up her thigh. Teasing her. She tried to bite back her moans but he shook his head, a sparkle in his eye. He wanted to hear her. To be with her. Her hands tangled in his blonde hair, panting and allowing herself to let go. His lips were magical and she leaned her head back against the back of the chair in pleasure.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike and Saffron were lying on the cold floor of the lower level of the crypt, using a carpet as a blanket. They had a good sex life, they always had. But this had been something else. Even Spike was panting despite the fact that he had no real need. Saffron left a soft kiss on his shoulder, unable to form words. She ran her hands lightly along his chest, as he lay back with one hand behind his head. Their connection was stronger than ever and everything felt light and soft. As if neither of them had a care in the world. A faint ringing sound echoed through the crypt. Saffron closed her eyes, not wanting to have to move from the position she was in. Besides, she wasn't sure if she could stand without her legs going to jelly. Spike ran his hand across her arm, leaving goose bumps in his wake. She relaxed back into him, snuggling close and ignoring the noise.

By the third call, Saffron felt something. A bad feeling, one she should have noticed before. She got up, having to ignore Spike's pleading look, her bare feet making a slapping sound as she walked to the source of the noise. Her cell. She flipped up the phone, just missing the call. She had 12 missed calls, how had she missed the others? _Oh, right._ The phone started ringing again, this time she picked it up before it could ring a second time. It was Buffy. With bad news. Glory had found Tara and used her power to suck her brain. Tara wasn't well. Saff wiped her eyes, she hadn't been there. She had left her friend there with no one. Would it have been different if she had been there for her? She quickly gathered her thoughts and put on enough clothes for her to leave the confines of the crypt. She paused, looking at the cabinet and taking out the bottle of jack. She scrawled a note to Spike and ran into the night.

_One hour._ That's how long it took Saffron to leave the bench she frequented next to the lake. She had been staring at the jack in her hand. It was a full bottle. She knew it was stupid, but she couldn't help craving the sharp amber liquid. She clung to it as if it would bring Tara's mind back. Make her choose differently. Maybe if she had been there things would have been different.

_Thirty minutes._ That's how long it took to walk to the hospital and up to the ward she needed to be on. She stared for a while, unsure how to work out the signs pointing in various directions. She needed to see her friend. She felt responsible as she gripped the bottle tightly and followed a familiar figure that caught her eye.

_One minute_. The time it took Saffron to finally decide. She knocked on the locker room door she had followed him to. Ben opened it a smile on his face that turned to a more solemn one when he realised why the woman in front of him was here. She guessed it was a polite smile, she had probably interrupted something. She had 'borrowed' some pretty ribbon from the hospital giftshop and tied it around the bottle before thrusting it into the man's hand.

"Thanks, for helping us. You always seem to be around when one of us is in here. Uh, thanks, again" She finished awkwardly, as Ben stared at the jack in his hand.

"I can't take this" Ben looked panicked, and she guessed he felt he didn't deserve it. It was his job after all.

"I insist. You helped Dawn, J and now Tara. Please take it?"

"I don't think I'm allowed to take gifts. There was a whole seminar on what we can and can't take from patients"

"I'm an alcoholic, so really you're doing a duty of care. To me" She shrugged nonchalantly and noticed that his facial expression didn't change, either he wasn't fazed by this revelation or he already knew. She wasn't sure which, so she carried on babbling, "I stole the decoration from the giftshop if that's a better excuse? You're saving me from myself, when you think about it" He took it eventually and directed Saffron towards the ward Tara was on.

_30 seconds._ The time it took Saffron to inevitably burst into tears at the sight of what happened to Tara. She ran over to her and grabbed her hand, Tara started to speak in riddles and Saff cried harder at her friend's new demeaner. A noise behind her made her jump, "Oh my god" Saffron whipped around and saw Willow sitting staring, "Is there- is there anything I can do?" Saffron asked. She walked over to sit next to her friend, who was sat facing Tara, unable to tear her eyes away from her girlfriend. Things had been awkward between Saff and Willow, but she seemed to have forgotten what with the love of her life losing her mind.

"No, she's- Glory she-" Willow started, unable to finish as she watched Tara burst into a fit of laughter over nothing.

"I'm sorry, Will. She told me about your fight but she knew things would be okay, she was ready to make up she told me herself"

"She spoke to you about it?"

"You know she always does. Biggest heart of any of us and she forgave me almost instantly for, uh, for everything"

"I miss her. She's here but I miss her" Willow choked out, a single tear running down her cheek.

"It'll be okay, Will. We'll get her back"

"How? She's won. As far as I can see, Glory's won" Willow stated and saffron could feel that her friend was dangerously close to giving up. The redhead's despair crashing over her.

"Willow, don't give up. Please, you can't give up. Things go weird when you give up, we have to fight for everyone else as much as ourselves" She rested a hand on Willow's shoulder willing her to feel the calmness as she continued, "I'm here for good this time and we're going to get Tara back together… if that's what you want"

Willow didn't reply verbally, she couldn't. She was scared that if she opened her mouth she would crumble and Saff was right, she needed to be strong right now. She couldn't give up, they needed to get Tara back. She nodded, confirming that she wanted Saffron to help. She needed her friend back. Willow hugged Saffron tightly, both girls willing the tears in their eyes not to spill over again.

Saffron woke up with Willow leaning on her shoulder. The red head was sleeping, a light frown was on her face but at least she was able to sleep. Tara was happily sleeping and Saffron watched her as she woke up slowly. You couldn't tell anything was different from where she was sat now. The others had been in and out and Tara would be released in the morning, Saffron hadn't left for 24 hours. She and willow had spoken about everything, their friendship appeared to be back and the trust was slowly returning. Saffron promised that she wouldn't have to care for Tara alone, that she would be there and she could feel that Willow appreciated it. The door to the hospital room opened dramatically wide and Spike sauntered in as Dawn followed. Saffron frowned checking the time on the clock on the wall, it was 3am. Dawn should be in bed.

"What are you two doing out at this hour?"

"Well, I'm a creature of the night and the bit's been following me around like a lost sheep since big cuz went awol again"

"I, uh, needed to see that you were really here" Dawn explained, looking at her shoes. She was worried Saff had disappeared again, especially when Spike mentioned she had taken a bottle of Jack.

"Said she was, didn't I?" Spike directed at Dawn. He'd had faith in Saffron even when she hadn't had faith in herself. That wasn't going away.

"I can tell you also wanted the trip out. How did you get past Buffy?"

"She's busy" Dawn shrugged, as if she wasn't bothered. But Saffron could feel that she definitely was. Or at least something was bothering her.

"We're taking you home, Saff. Not much you can do for the girl here"

"I feel responsible… I should have gone to the fair…" Saffron whispered, watching her friend sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed.

"You're not responsible, Saffy. She would never blame you, and neither do I. Go, get some rest. Xander's coming in the morning to help bring her home" willow said sleepily, her hair was messy on one side where she had been leaning.

"I'll come and visit whenever, just call me. I'm here for both of you" Saffron said, after a hesitation where she looked between Tara and Willow and Spike and Dawn.

"I know, you always have been when it counts. Thank you" Will stood up and walked over to her friend, giving her a tight hug.

She turned to follow Spike and Dawn out and linked arms with Dawn as they walked back through the hospital. Saff thanked them both for looking out for her, knowing that they worry about her. She hoped they knew how much they meant to her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The trio walked in silence, with Saffron sneaking glances at Dawn every now and again. The girl was going through her own torment inside her head and Saffron didn't know whether to let on that she knew. She kept her arm linked with Dawn's, not letting go just to release herself from the pain the younger girl could feel. She had to stand with her younger cousin, after leaving her by herself for too long. Neglecting her for her own selfish troubles. Dawn abruptly stopped, halting Saffron in her tracks aswell. Spike, who had been walking slightly ahead, turned back when he heard Dawn's voice.

"I understand, you know. I get it now" Dawn said quietly, unhooking her arm from her older cousin's. She went and sat on the kerb, staring at the tarmac as if it was the most interesting thing on earth.

"What's that rising Dawn?" Saffron asked slowly.

"Glory thinks Tara's the key. But I'm the key. I am. And anything that happens to Tara is 'cause of me. Spike, your bruises, your limp... that's all me too" The poor girl started to sob, her head in her hands, "I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt. And everyone around me suffers and dies. I must be something so horrible to cause so much pain... and evil"

"Rot!" Spike exclaimed, "Listen, platelet, I know a thing or two about being evil. And you're not it"

"Hey, sweet girl. It's not your fault, none of it is" Saffron said softly as she sank to Dawn's level and sat on the kerb herself, "It wasn't true for me and it definitely isn't true for you. Anything that happens, is on Glory. On the powers that be. You are not responsible for whatever it is these idiots think is supposed to happen" Spike gave her a look as if to tell Saffron she should follow her own advice, to stop feeling so responsible. And she was, she was trying to at least. Saffron stroked Dawn's hair, "So yeah, you can throw a tantrum, drink yourself into oblivion or just sit yourself on the kerb saturating yourself in the misery of it all. But then, you have to get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep going"

There had been a long pause, as Dawn thought about Saff's words. Spike was pacing now, looking up at the sky every now and again, "Better get the pair of you home, dawn's around the corner – can't protect you if you're staying around here like bloody sitting ducks"

"It's still so dark" Dawn said flatly, stray tears still rolling down her cheeks.

"Well, they say it's always darkest before Dawn and it must be true because before I realised I had you, everything was dark. I'm not letting you go. Not with Glory, not to that place of self-loathing"

"I'm the reason for all of this, you shouldn't be anywhere near me" Dawn said again, realising how closely her words echoed that of her cousins months before.

"Don't push us away, let me make those mistakes so you don't have to" Saffron said firmly, "We'll fight for you until our last breath"

"And some of us have the luxury of fighting for you even beyond that, nibblet" He said, patting her head awkwardly, "Now let's bloody go! Ash and dust can't throw a punch at the nasties of the night now can they?" He said, a sense of urgency as it really did seem to be getting lighter now. Dawn would need to go to school, after all they had guaranteed she wouldn't miss any classes again. Saff stood up, holding her hand out for the younger brunette. She accepted, wiping her face as the three of them quickly made it back before someone could burst into flames in the middle of the street.

When Saffron woke up, it took her a while to realise where she was. She had slept in so many places that weren't her bed recently, it almost felt wrong to be waking in her double bed in the basement of Revello. Her sheets smelt of Spike, but his side of the bed was empty. She couldn't feel any emotions in the house, which meant she was probably alone in it. Everyone was busy at the moment, she understood. But being alone was when her mind started to wander. The thoughts and the anger that had settled in her chest when Joyce died started to fester which is when she had started to look for a bottle. Her attitude had changed, but the comfort from the addiction was something she guiltily missed. Being alone was harder than being with the others because she could take strength from them as well as herself. But she was determined to go on as normal. She took it step by step, focusing her mind on each task at hand.

She started by sitting herself on the edge of her bed, picking out something to wear and slowly moving to the drawers and her wardrobe to retrieve items of clothing. Next step was to get changed, throw her hair into a high ponytail and collect jewellery from around the room to wear for the day. She sat in front of her mirror, her makeup bag in front of her which would distract her for long enough. She found doing her makeup to be therapeutic, a task that didn't have a right or wrong answer.

She finally finished getting ready for an empty day. The day would stretch before her, no plans or distractions left to fill her time. She would have to wait for Dawn to be home from school or Willow to call with an update about how Tara's doing. Buffy could be anywhere and Xander and Giles still weren't talking to her properly. They were uncomfortable when she was in the room and she didn't want to make them feel that way. She padded up the stairs, squinting in confusion as she noticed all of the curtains were closed. She went up to see if there was any washing that needed doing – she might as well considering she was no longer employed it seemed.

She padded to the kitchen and just stared. The room was empty and dark, all the blinds were closed. Usually when she had finally woken up, the others would be sat around the kitchen talking and laughing while Joyce cooked. Dawn would be doing extra credit work before she left for school and Buffy would be complaining about either her recent beauty treatment that hadn't worked or that week's evil bloodsucker that was getting on her nerves. She heard a soft noise behind her, alerting her that someone else was in the house and she turned to see who it was. She was stood facing a large collection of purple flowers.

"Got you these" A familiar British accent spoke from behind the plant.

"Flowers! Did I miss our anniversary?"

"One month away, you know that. They're Honeysuckle, pet"

"They're beautiful… aren't they poisonous?" She asked slowly as Spike shook his head softly, explaining they wouldn't be if she didn't decide to make a snack out of them.

"When I was younger, flowers had a meaning…"

"Oh, I know. Oleander's a nasty bastard. More toxic than these… probably" she smiled at him, a mix of surprised and happy that he had brought her the plant. He seemed to have actually gone out of his way to buy them too. He felt she deserved something normal, a boyfriend bringing his girl flowers. Plus, it was a sort of thank you for barely leaving his side while he was healing. She beamed, her smile glowing and he couldn't help matching it. He had missed that smile.

"Well, giving a honeysuckle to your… _honey_ signifies a bond of devotion and affection between two people" He said handing them to her. She set them on the counter after fussing over them.

"I like that. A flower for the both of us" She smiled, before adding, "And they said romance was dead!"

"Look at me, love. It _is_ dead" She laughed at this. The first time in a long time he had heard that noise. He savoured it, as she savoured the feeling of the laughter in her throat. Only with him. He took her waist in his hand and pulled her close. She looked up at him, still smiling.

"Thank you, I was at a loose end on my own in the house" She admitted. He knew she would struggle alone in the house for the day, she had confided in him one of the many nights they had spent together when he was healing. She had stayed up late, until 5am with him most nights to be able to keep an eye on him. In that time, where her eyes grew weary, but she refused to sleep as he told her to, she found talking about herself easier. When they had been in each other's arms under the safety of the layers of blankets and throw pillows on Spike's bed, they both recounted their worst fears and memories as well as many happy ones too. They shared until they had nothing left hidden.

"I wouldn't go wondering off when I have you to myself, pet. I'm not going anywhere" He said, with one of those smiles he saved for only her.

"This really is love, isn't it?"

"Mm, it always has been. Always will be Honeysuckle" He dipped her slightly in his arms, leaning against her for a deeper kiss. He had run through Sunnydale in his ratty old blanket to meet the man he had contacted about the honeysuckle plant. Almost bursting into flames had been worth it, to see the smile on her lips. He scooped her up, allowing her to wrap herself around him as he walked into the darkened living room. He planted her on the sofa, it was new as they had needed to change the living room around after how they had discovered Joyce. There was nothing particularly special about sitting together on a sofa in front of reruns of exceptionally unfunny sitcoms, but for them it was everything. It was a chance to be together, a chance to protect each other from the outside world.

"An eternity with you would be heaven, Spike" She smiled softly as his brows knitted together. She meant it and she had said it as if it was so obvious. She could spend an eternity with him. He leant in, meeting her lips softly with his again, before allowing her to curl up into his side. Those words were music to his ears, he loved this woman. She was worth it. Worth everything.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron hadn't been there when Buffy had told Willow not to go after Glory, but she could have told her that her words wouldn't have mattered. When she had seen what she had done to Spike she had wanted to tear her limb from limb, but she wouldn't have lived to tell the tale if she had even attempted it. Willow had power and went to attack Glory. From what Buffy and willow explained, they had trapped Glory for now but for how long they weren't sure.

"Chicken salad?" Buffy asked, checking the sandwiches in the Ziploc bag. The five women were hiding out in Tara and Willow's room on campus. Willow said it was hers and Buffy handed it over, "Sad looking cheese?" Buffy asked with a slight smile as Saffron said it was hers. She took it as Buffy started to take more wrapped sandwiches out of the bag, "Eggplant, that's me. Salami with… _ew_, peanut butter?"

_"Dawn"_ Both Buffy and Saffron said at the same time, grimacing.

"Yeah, like eggplant is normal. It's what, half egg, half plant? 'Cause that's just unnatural"

"Fucking eggplant, who came up with that crap?! They're not eggplants they're bloody aubergines!" Saffron exclaimed, she had never got over some of the names they used here. Everyone except Tara rolled their eyes, it was a familiar rant anytime the word eggplant came up, but they were glad to hear something so familiar at such an uncertain time.

"What's Tara got?" Willow asked, moving the conversation away from the correct word for the vegetable.

"I got her tuna. Does she like...?" Dawn asked as Willow drew Tara's attention to the sandwich. Tara anxiously looked to Willow, then back at the sandwich.

"Three thimbles all in a row. One two three, weeee!" Tara said suddenly, before looking scared, "Willow?" She asked anxiously cowering from the other three in the room. Willow slowly took a pudding cup instead and started to spoon feed Tara.

"That's my girl" Willow whispered softly. The others watched, their expressions a mixture of sad and worry for their friend as Willow continued to feed her. Saffron tried to eat her own sandwich but the dry bread stuck to the roof of her mouth and she struggled to swallow. She felt uneasy, as if something bad was coming. Or, more bad. This was the point where she would consult the cards, but she still hadn't reconciled herself with them or the powers properly.

"Can I help?" Dawn asked cautiously and Saff sent her an encouraging look as Willow smiled, handing her the pudding cup. She could tell it was Dawn's way of helping, making right something she still felt responsible for.

Willow started to explain everything the Doctor had said about caring for Tara. It made Saff too sad to hear again, instead her mind started to wander.

_Giles was sat in the magic box with a cup of tea, he blew on the steaming liquid before taking a small sip and going back to sorting through the prophecies. The charred ones that Saffron had left dumped outside. He took as many as he could, noting that one had stayed completely intact. The fire had touched it but hadn't done any damage. He started to read this one first, noting something down here and there that could help._

_He heard someone clear their throat, but he ignored it. There was a pause for a moment, before the cough sounded again, Giles looked up obviously annoyed to be interrupted, but looked more annoyed when he saw who it was. He turned back to the prophecies._

_"Uh, you need any help with that?" She pointed to the papers he was so intently reading, trying her best to get back on Giles' good side._

_"I believe I was, ah, told to 'stick my prophecies' as you so wittily put it"_

_"G, I know what I said… I didn't mean it, it was the drink-"_

_"Will you take some bloody responsibility!"_

_"I am. Responsibility officially taken. I thought I was saving you. It's not some line to make you all trust me again, I genuinely believed that I was the problem. A big part of me still does…" She trailed off, looking at Giles who had stopped what he was doing to listen. She paused, waiting for him to shout or call her an idiot, but he didn't say anything. So she continued, "I felt like I was poisoning everyone I loved, signing their fate for some untold destined show-down with whoever wanted to take the next shot at me. Or you. Or Buffy. Or Dawn, or- do I need to go on?" Giles paused for a moment, if she hadn't been hyper-aware of his emotional state she might have attributed it as understanding. But he just turned back to the prophecies he was trying to transcribe before the paper disintegrated._

_"Your disapproval is killing me, G" Saffron couldn't help adding. She missed him. Everything had started to go back to normal and then she messed it up again. She had aimed for humour, but she meant it. Her father figure was unmoving in his opinion of her. And it stung._

She was pulled out of the memory by a crack as the front of the room was ripped from in front of them. Outside air could be smelt and sunlight filtered in as Glory hobbled over the cracked glass of the wreckage she had just made.

Tara stared at Dawn, grabbing at her, highlighting to Glory that she was the key. Glory smiled knowingly, not moving her eyes from Dawn. Buffy dipped her head at both Willow and Saffron. They had spoken about what they should do when Glory found out about Dawn. Buffy pulled Dawn through the door and ran off, trying to get a head start on Glory as Willow tried her best to distract the Hell God with a spell. Saffron ran off in the opposite direction than her cousins, realising it was time.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39:

_Sunnydale, CA_

Saffron had run straight to Spike's telling him that they needed to get transport, like they had spoken about with Buffy a week previously. They pulled up in the truck, letting the group that were waiting pile in through the side entrance.

"What are _they_ doing here?" Giles asked, looking between the pair. Spike was at the steering wheel and Saffron was leaning against him from the passenger seat. Both looked towards the door, their cheeks touching as they looked at their new passengers.

"Just out for a jaunt, thought we'd swing by and say howdy" Spike quipped sarcastically. Saffron bit back a smile as she elaborated, "Dawn's my cousin. Don't know if you noticed, but it only mentioned three. I could ask what you're doing here, G"

"Fine, then what about _him_" Giles gestured towards spike.

"He's here because we need him" Buffy explained as calmly as she could. She had never given up on Saffron and in her eyes, Spike had proved himself to care about Saffron enough to want to protect those she cared about too.

"The hell we do" Xander sulked.

"If Glory finds us, he's the only one besides me that has any chance of protecting Dawn"

"Buffy, come on they're not exactly trustw-" Xander started, saying what Giles had been thinking despite the fact that the pair had been there for Dawn as much as the others, if not more of late.

"Look, this isn't a discussion! She stays. He stays. They both stay. Get over it!" She takes one of the maps and storms into the back room, slamming the door.

Spike grinned smugly, his goggles over his eyes to protect him from the sun adding to the effect. He then leaned in, meeting Saffron's lips in a hugely inappropriate kiss as Giles glared at him, as if he wished he could burn a hole through the vampire.

"Buckle up, kids, Daddy's putting the hammer down!" he finally exclaimed as the pair ended their kiss, turning back to the front. Saffron had to bite back another grin as Giles and Xander stared at him, evidently appalled.

She took out her mp3 player, switching between songs as she needed the distraction. Something to calm her nerves that wasn't a shot of alcohol. She listened to the heavy bass, closing her eyes as if it was classical music. To her, punk music was more calming. She took an earbud out, realising Spike was talking.

"Don't mind them, pet, jealous, uptight prats is what they are. I love and trust you, you don't have to prove yourself to the people that matter"

"Thanks" She whispered softly before asking, "Fancy a listen?" He nodded and she popped the earbud into his ear closest to her and they both listened intently to the music blasting from the mp3. Spike couldn't help moving his head and tapping his leg along to the punk jam, wishing it was just him and his girl on this road trip.

_65 miles outside Sunnydale:_

There had been a long silence for a while. The drive had been long, feeling even longer for Saffron because of the cocktail of emotions present in the van. And longer for the others because of Xander's constant car sickness and Tara's confused babbling. Saffron was trying to get Spike to play eye spy with her, but he wouldn't bite. _Makes a change,_ she joked to herself. She unbuckled herself from the passenger seat and explained that she needed to stretch her legs, Spike nodded his understanding as he kept an eye on the road. She draped her arms around Spike's shoulders, thanking him for being here despite the constant daggers being sent their way. He said he wouldn't be anywhere else. They knew they'd never have left each other's side. Not again, not by choice. She kissed him on the side of his face, hugging him close and pretended the gagging she could hear was Xander's car sickness and not him being a child about their relationship.

Saff walked around the RV to exercise her aching legs before moving towards where the others were grouped around the table.

"Hey, uh, An, can you budge up?" Saff asked, knowing that Anya could bluntly call her out in front of the others.

"Okay, but only because I forgive you"

"Uh, you- you forgive me!?" Saff asked incredulously at her nonchalant tone.

"Yes" Anya nodded as if it didn't mean much. She had decided that things were hard on Saffron and she had always been fond of her anyway. Xander had rolled his eyes but kept his head between his legs.

"Thanks, that means a lot, you're actually my favourite ex-demon, you know that right?"

"Well, based on personal experience I am probably one of the only ex-demons left, many of us die without having a purpose. But I have a purpose!" She exclaimed happily.

"Helping to save the world?" Saff asked.

"No! Making money and having lots of orgasms!" Anya explained as Saffron chuckled. She had missed this kind of conversation.

"Ah yes, the American dream" Giles deadpanned, muttering under his breath after overhearing the conversation. Tara started to pull on the hooped earring in Saff's ear. She distractedly took it off and passed it to her, patting her hand which made Tara cry out, she had forgotten about the coldness and Tara wasn't expecting it. She cowered away from Saffron and into Willow's side as the redhead whispered soft reassurances to her. She mouthed _'sorry'_ to Willow who just shook her head in understanding. Tara held on to the hoop tightly despite still being uncomfortable. Saffron could feel her distress as well as Dawn's and she moved to sit next to the younger brunette to see if she could help her instead.

"Hey sweet girl, you okay?" Dawn shrugged and Saff wrapped her arm around her, "Chin up, Dawny. You might be able to make a new life in Mexico like you used to threaten as a kid"

"You want to go to Mexico?" Anya asked, she was so bored she decided to take an interest in their conversation.

"When she was little Dawn used to pack a little suitcase and say she was running away" Saff smiled as her younger cousin's mouth twitched at the memory.

"I only got as far as the end of the street before Buffy or Mom used to run after me. Saff never did, she used to give me a dollar to start my new life with" She elaborated.

"I was being encouraging for your big adventure. Plus a dollar? That's like a hundred quid to a ten-year-old"

"Love, will you take over?" Spike called over his shoulder to his girl, interrupting the conversation. His leg was cramping and he trusted she could drive at a decent pace. She smiled widely and practically skipped to the front of the RV, only faltering when an older voice exclaimed, "Absolutely not! I plan on living past the next few hours!" Giles had given Saffron a couple of lessons when she was younger. Never again.

** _xoxoxo_ **

_80 miles outside of Sunnydale:_

The trip was long and everyone was getting agitated, not just because Anya wouldn't shut up. Giles had taken over the driving and they were going at a snail's pace through the dirt roads. Willow tried her best to keep Tara calm, with a little help from Saff's abilities. Spike was sat against the wall with Saffron leaning against him. Their hands were entwined as they endured the rest of the journey. Anya asked if they knew where they were going yet, receiving a collective eye-roll before Spike couldn't help himself, "We'd already be somewhere if Captain Slowpoke would give up the wheel. Hey! Gramps! Bloody step on it!"

"Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power" Giles said, turning to glare at the vampire. Spike started to say something back, but Saffron took his arm in her other hand softly and whispered, "If we don't keep a lid on it, they're gonna toss us out of the RV babe"

Spike squeezed his girls hand, nodding an understanding and settling back down into their spot on the floor. His hands were still entwined with Saff's, a grip that was so tight Saff was sure a bone would be broken, but she wouldn't say anything. She liked his touch. Dawn came to sit next to the lovers who had claimed the corner as their own. She didn't want to hear about Xander's queasy-ness any longer. Saff asked to plait Dawn's hair, weaving comfort into each movement as the girl tried to relax. She was on edge, Saffron could feel it. But she didn't let go.

"I shoulda nicked that Porsche I had my eye on. There's just enough room for me, you, and big cuz" Spike whispered to Dawn as he glared at the back of Giles' head. Spike had moved to rest his hand on Saffron's leg, not wanting to lose contact with her. He knew that she would no doubt be taking on Dawn's worries as her own and wanted to show he was right there with her. He squeezed her thigh when he mentioned he had wanted to just take the two of them, smiling at her slightly.

"It's the three, we'd need Buffy along too" Saffron reminded him, still plaiting Dawn's silky brown hair.

"We could have locked the slayer in the boot" He shrugged. Xander gave Spike a queasy glare which the vampire matched, as if asking what he was looking at.

"Would you give it a rest, or..."

"Or what, you're gonna toss your cookies on my shoes?" his hand on saff's thigh was tightening enough for her to make a soft complaint. He hadn't realised the grip and he instantly released his hold, not able to move his hand from her, but enough so he wouldn't make her uncomfortable.

"_Or_ you can be undead man walking. See how fast you can hitch a ride with a fl-flaming thumb"

"Don't, love. Not worth the effort. Or the smell if he really does throw up" She said as spike looked like he would run at the man and tackle him. She stopped plaiting Dawn's hair and moved to rest her hands over the one he had on her thigh. Sending comfort over him, lapping like waves.

"Fine… _Shrimp_." Spike whispered, he couldn't help the last dig as Xander gagged at his words, moved from his seat at the table and stumbled to the front, falling into the passenger seat beside Giles.

"That guy is bloodsuckin' the last nerve right outta me" Xander complained, whispering to the driver.

"Well, Buffy has a point. In a confrontation, Spike may prove... useful"

Saffron and Spike moved to sit on the spot that Xander had just got up from, Saffron resting her legs over Spike's lap as his hands rubbed her thigh absentmindedly. He was listening intently to a conversation where he happened to be the central topic. Saffron was talking animatedly to Anya and Dawn at the table as Willow continued to look through the book for a spell. Tara was getting restless opposite them.

"I don't know if Buffy's thinkin' too clear on that one, or anything else right now. I've never seen her so..." Xander continued, whispering to Giles at the front.

"She's been through more than her fair share of late. She just needs a chance to catch her breath, regroup. She'll be all right"

Spike stood up, interrupting everyone's conversation. Everyone stopped and stared at the man as he challenged the men sat at the front.

"Oh yeah cos the Slayer can do no wrong, despite her doing, oh yeah, plenty of wrong! I've seen the slayer run down the wrong path, jumping right in guns blazing, or stakes raised that is, with little rhyme or bloody reason. She's made countless mistakes when things have been tough and she hasn't been made into the sodding pariah that Saff has!"

"Spike, when I want your opinion I'll- well, I'll never want your opinion" Giles said and turned back to the steering wheel. Spike sneered but he wasn't done, he knew they were listening despite their show of ignoring him.

"She's 'been through her fair share of late', well so has everyone here but oh no, it's not the bloody Hell God that's made out as the big bad, apparently it's Saffron that's the demon in the henhouse!" He shouted to the backs of Xander and Giles who were trying to ignore him. Saff stood up at this, her hand resting on his shoulder, softly rubbing in circular motions to comfort him.

"It's, uh, fox in the henhouse. What would a demon be doing in a henhouse?" Saffron hissed, cutting in before Giles or Xander could open their mouths again, a ghost of a smile on her face.

"A Gordolox demon could sneak in, do some real damage to the little blighters" He hissed back smirking. He had turned, distracted from his outburst, not one to pass up a squabble.

"Yeah but why would he want to sneak in? Don't they prefer larger mammals like, say, goats?" She asked, as he mouthed _'know-it-all'_ at her.

"You know what? That's not the point!" He shouted, turning back to Giles and Xander, "Point is this, you lot are fucking hypocrites! Saffron has just as many bippity boppity bloody prophecies as the slayer. Just as many tough spots to get out of and just as many life lessons to learn, and you know what she hasn't had? Full support from the likes of you!"

"She had plenty of chances, we never forced the bottle to her mouth!" Xander whipped around and Saffron winced as if she had been shot with the force of his words and moved to sit back down. Spike instinctively stepped in front of her as if he could shield her from the opinions of the others.

"Yes, well, Buffy has managed to do what has been best for others despite the threat" Giles spoke, one eye on the road.

"Now you are being a prat! How many times has she run away from her responsibilities leaving the fantastic-bloody-four here to try and keep up the demon-slaying quota? Or how many times did the Slayer run moon-eyed into danger with the rest of your damned little Scooby club in tow when Angel was in untold trouble from the likes of me?" Saff mimed to cut out painting himself as the bad guy but he shrugged, maintaining his point, "The only thing Saff's guilty of is her own self-doubt and bloody awful taste in booze! She wasn't doing it to hurt you personally, she was in pain, surely you're not too blind to see that are you grandad?"

Up until now, Saffron had just been watching the conversation in silence. She usually wouldn't back down from a fight but this is a situation she had created herself and despite Spike's kind defense, she agreed with the other men. She hadn't done her best for others despite the perceived threat at the time. Despite all of this, she felt that Giles and Xander, were actually considering his words. She squinted but turned back to Spike, rubbing her hand across his arm. She often insisted she could handle her own battles but having him in her corner was one of the best feelings she could describe. She thanked him, whispering her love for him as he puffed out his chest. She settled down close to him, nestling her head in the crook of his neck, not caring about their surroundings or the people that might be glaring in their direction. They held onto each other, curled up in the corner of the RV. Their corner. She had him and he had her. They just wanted to hold on to that.

_120 miles outside of Sunnydale:_

Willow continued studying her book, stroking Tara's hair absentmindedly. Dawn peered over her shoulder as Willow explained she was struggling to find a barrier spell to protect them all. They needed to be standing still for it to work. The others were all sat around, bored and annoyed with at least one other person that was in the RV with them.

"Red, can I borrow that?" Spike asked, pointing at a book he recognised.

"Sure, doesn't have any helpful spells though, I've checked" Willow explained and Spike nodded. He started looking through the book intently. There had been a long pause, everyone was beyond restless. Dawn and Anya were playing eye spy; Saffron was sleeping lightly on Spike's shoulder while he read; Giles was still driving as Xander had his head between his legs yet again and Tara was bending Saffron's silver hoop earring out of shape.

"Saff, love?" he asked after a while of flipping through the book, shaking her softly.

"Yeah?" She whispered for her own benefit, she was still resting on his shoulder with her eyes closed and was unaware of Spike's satisfied smirk.

"Gordolox demons _do_ eat chickens, says so in this book"

"Whatever" She muttered, "No one likes a know-it-all, _William_" She smiled, her eyes still closed as she felt the low warning growl from Spike vibrating against her. At the same moment, Tara started reaching for Dawn. The green light was all she could see and it was so pretty. She wanted one. Willow tried her best to calm her down as Dawn looked around awkwardly and offered the occupants of the van some food. Anya's eyes lit up at this as she brandished a pan and a tin of spam excitedly.

"Who's up for some tasty fried meat products?"

"You can count me out, babe" Saffron said, thanking the Gods above, that she did not believe in nor trust, that she didn't eat meat. Mostly because she had seen what Anya considered cooking and the spam, if it wasn't already a dead animal, would not have been long for this world. She had visions of the block of charred tin being thrown out of the RV.

"I came prepared for you!" Anya said, handing Saffron a jar of peanut butter and a spoon, "Plenty of protein!"

"Oh, uh, thanks" Saffron said, holding the jar up as if she was saying 'cheers'. This was actually surprisingly thoughtful from Anya, especially considering she thought she'd lost this particular friend until very recently. Anya nodded at her action, feeling pleased with herself.

Saffron was now sat on the floor next to the table, tentatively dipping a spoon in some of the peanut butter as she leaned against Spike's leg. She was resting against him as he decided to make himself useful and actually research some spells for the witch to mess up seeing as he had nothing better to do. Willow was pouring over another book and Dawn was reading over her shoulder when she thought nobody was looking. Giles was still driving and Xander was hugging a bucket to him as he sat in the passenger seat. Anya was still describing the wonders of spam, trying to get at least one person interested in the food she had packed. Buffy was still holed up in the back room, staring blankly at maps and various scrolls.

Tara reached over to the window and opened the blinds wide. Sunlight streamed into the room, directly hitting Spike's hand as he started to turn a page.

"Ow! Bloody hell!" Spike jumped up and moved away from the table, almost stepping on Saff as he got out of his seat. Willow pulled Tara back from the window, closing the blind again. Dawn and the others watched as smoke started to fill the small space.

"Tara, no! What did I tell you?!" Willow scolded as Tara whined loudly in protest. Spike cradled his smoking hand, his face pained. Saffron sprung up to help him, grabbing some aloe vera. This wasn't the couple's first time in a situation like this and Saff had brought it with her knowing the likelihood of this happening. Willow apologised profusely to the vampire, explaining Tara doesn't know what she's doing. Spike nodded his understanding as Saffron tended to his hand.

"No biggie. Look, the skin's already stopped smoking. You go ahead and play peek-a-boo with Mr. Sunshine all you like. It keeps the ride from getting boring" Spike reassured the girl. Saffron paused what she was doing with his hand, looking up at him through her eyelashes. That look was back. She was proud of him, he was kind and understanding despite what anyone else said, he made her proud to be his girl. The look told him he was loved, cherished even by this woman. The pair whispered a conversation, one where Saff told him everything the look had already revealed as she lathered on a thick layer of gel to soothe the burn on his hand and sat him down.

"All the light is gone. All dark. All dark" Tara said loudly, cutting through everyone's conversations, the confused brunette on the verge of tears. Buffy opened the sliding door, checking on the commotion as the curiosity had gotten the better of her. A sharp crackle filled the room and Tara could see several lights in each corner. Purple, Silver and green. Tara's eyes widened in excitement, she didn't know where to reach first. Such pretty colours. Saffron clutched her head in agony as Tara started to repeat one word over.

_"Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three Three"_

It was so familiar, how had she not recognised the voice? She had heard Tara saying this before. Months ago. Inside her head. Willow tried desperately to make Tara be quiet as Buffy closed the sliding doors and Saffron curled into Spike's side. Even when Tara's chanting subsided, it continued in Saffron's head for a long time.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_An undetermined number of miles outside of Sunnydale:_

They were all still stuck in the truck. The walls started to feel as if they were closing in and Saffron had a killer headache. Everyone had lost track of where they were, they had no fixed destination and at this point, there were no landmarks that made sense to where they were on the map. It didn't help that the map had started smoking when Tara decided to open the blinds again when spike was studying it. Saffron took Spike's hand in hers and brought it to her lips, kissing the burned hand softly. Anya had finally convinced the others to try some of her spam and Saff winced knowing the smell would bring her more discomfort. Dawn walked over, knowing this, and asked Saff to come with her to check on Buffy. That was a good plan.

They slid the door open, a crackle echoed around the tiny space. Flashes of different colours making Saffron think she might be getting a migraine. But the others looked around too, frowns on their faces.

"Hey. I think Anya's gonna try to cook. Wanna come watch the tears and recriminations?" Dawn said, unsure if she should mention what she had just felt and seen.

"It'll be funny, Buff! Have you ever seen Anya cook? It's worse than you can imagine!" Saff whispered with glee. She was used to strange things going on in her head and was even more used to acting as normal when they did.

"Maybe later" Buffy told the pair with a small smile. The crackle sounded around the small space like a whip. They flinched but were instantly hit with a feeling they couldn't describe. A light feeling. A connection. The love they had for each other was reflected all around them. Their bond. The care and drive to protect each other from anything. They sat in silence. Unsure whether to move or speak.

"Uh, thanks" Dawn said to the girls after a long pause where they all sort of looked at each other.

"For what?"

"You know. Pretty much everything" She reached and squeezed both of her older relatives hands, her eyes teary. Saffron didn't feel she deserved this, although she could tell Dawn was being genuine.

"Yeah. I'm doin' a great job" Buffy muttered to herself.

"You are, Buff. You've been amazing, you never gave up on keeping either of us safe" Saff confirmed, "Thank you"

"I'm the Slayer. The chosen one. All mythic and defender-y. Evil nasties are supposed to flee from me. Not the other way around"

"Well, I'm meant to be the True Sight, but have you ever seen me make the right decision on anything? I'm meant to be this untold good in the universe and yet I never seem to do anything right, anything good…" She tailed off before reassuring her cousin, "Trust me. You're doing a great job"

"Anyway, you're not fleeing. You're... moving at a brisk pace" Dawn added encouragingly. She hated seeing Buffy doubt herself as much as Saff hated feeling it.

"Quaintly referred to in some cultures as the big scaredy runaway" Buffy smiled at the girls tightly, before her expression sombered again, "It just keeps coming. Glory... Riley... Tara... Mom" Buffy left off Saffron's name, but she was definitely on the list. And Saff knew it.

"Hayley" Saff whispered sadly to herself, adding another name to the list.

"I know. But there's a bright side" Dawn said, squeezing both her older relative's hands in comfort.

"And what might that be babe?"

"At least things can't get any crazier. Right?" Dawn smiled. Just as suddenly as she made the statement, they all jumped up as an arrow shoots through the window and landed in the wall close to Buffy's head. Dawn stared at it in horror as Saff rolled her eyes.

"You know this is your fault for saying that" Buffy said pointedly, smiling at Dawn as she pulled down a corner of the blinds to check outside.

"Yeah, way to jinx it, Dawn raid" Saff muttered, grabbing Dawn's hand and following Buffy into the main part of the RV to inform the others.

"We're under attack!" Saff shouted and Spike sprung up, ready for a fight despite his charred hand. He stood protectively next to Saff and Dawn, ready to fight for them with his un-life.

"Horsies!" Tara shouted excitedly as she watched the knights of Bizantium through the window, before Willow pulled her and Dawn under the table.

"Weapons?" Giles asked frantically.

"Hello, you're bloody driving one!" Spike shouted, pulling Saff out of the way of the wall that was now decorated with arrows.

"Don't hit the horsies!" Willow said, covering Tara's ears.

"Yeah they're innocent!" Saff agreed, frowning at Spike for suggesting it, earning her an eyeroll. Her bleeding heart didn't stop for anybody.

"We won't!" Buffy shouted, storming to the front, "Aim for the horsies" Buffy whispered to Giles as he swerved violently towards the group of men on horses. Saffron screamed as she saw another arrow fly through the wall and hauled her arms in front of Spike wildly. At this moment, Giles stared at Saffron through the rear-view mirror and then at the wingmirror his brow furrowed in shock at what she appeared to be oblivious of. His eyebrows furrowed further when he realised what had happened to her. She had an arrow straight through her hand. The RV was in chaos, Buffy had left to fight atop the van as those from inside tried their best to barricade themselves and help fight. Giles was zig-zagging down the road at a pace faster than anything he had driven at in known memory. Saffron was screaming every swear word known to man as she stared in horror at the joke-shop style arrow that was literally protruding through her _fucking_ hand.

"Fucking hell, pet! You're not bloody immortal, I could have taken it"

"It was going for your heart you ungrateful twat!" She said through gritted teeth as she stared at the arrow that was causing her a lot of pain. She was kneeling on the floor, her knees had buckled in pain and Spike sunk to her level despite the chaos going on around them. Blood was dripping down her arm and onto her jeans as they spoke.

"Stubborn bint" Spike smiled fondly, but delicately took her hand with a look of concern, apologising and pulling the arrow out quickly before ripping off a strip of his shirt and pressing it hard against the hole in her hand. The curses coming from her mouth would have made even the toughest person whimper in shock as she screamed at her hand in disbelief. Spike gave her instructions through her screams, needing to go and help the slayer and ensure she stayed safe with Dawn.

Saffron hid under the table with Dawn as instructed, trying to protect her while the others fought to keep the knights of Bizantium at bay. Buffy continued to fight on top of the RV as Anya hit the knights that crashed through the window with her frying pan. Just when they thought they were in the clear, Giles was hit with a spear through the windshield, causing further panic as the RV came crashing onto its side.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They had walked for around twenty minutes before they managed to find an abandoned building. Despite her wound, Saffron was more concerned for Spike who was sizzling under the blanket as they walked. Xander and Buffy carried Giles' weight and Spike helped them haul him flat on a counter when they were finally out of the sun. Buffy was starting to raise her voice, unsure what the plan was. Saff tried to help her calm down but she was too in her head for Saff to help. Willow tended to Giles as Xander spotted the crusade out of the window. They barricaded themselves in but it wasn't enough until Willow managed a protection spell that should protect them for about half a day. They had taken the general hostage and the others discussed what was best to do with him.

It was later in the evening and the cool air from outside swirled through the abandoned gas station as there was little protection from the elements. They had decided they would have to ask if Ben would come and tend to Giles. The knights had agreed they could let a medic in, and they were all anxiously waiting for him to arrive. Saff was alone in the back room, she had heard Xander and Spike speaking lowly in the next room, Spike had been side-tracked on his way back to check on his love. They didn't seem to be arguing, in fact Saffron could feel understanding towards each other which made her have hope the pair could eventually get along. She was trying to light up a cigarette but her hand was killing her. She was bleeding through the makeshift tourniquet, but she didn't want to complain when Giles was in so much pain. She sighed angrily as she tried to light up with her left hand that wasn't hurt but couldn't get the flame to ignite.

"Here" a male voice offered, taking the lighter and holding it to her cigarette.

"You ever get that Déjà vu feeling?"

"That one of those badly dubbed kung fu movies we used to watch together?"

"You know what I'm talking about Xander" She said through a lungful of smoke.

"That we've been here before? I know, maybe you are the typical bad-guy after all"

"If you believed that, you wouldn't be here…" She trailed off, feeling his emotions but not quite understanding where she stood with him.

"Maybe, but you did hurt me, Saff. When I told you I loved you like a sister, I don't know, it kinda meant something…"

"Xander, I didn't mean any of what I said, I don't even remember half of it" She admitted, the shame on her face was clear as day.

"That makes it better" Xander replied, sarcasm dripping from his mouth. The was a pause where Saffron smoked through her cigarette and stubbed it out on the counter behind them. She looked at Xander who was in deep thought. He missed her, she could tell. She took another cigarette out of her pack, trying again to light it up without success. She winced and shook her hand in pain as Xander lit up for her again. She turned to him as she leant in and said quickly, "I do love you Xander, you're the best surrogate big brother a girl could wish for… I lashed out because-"

"Because you knew it would hurt me" Xander shrugged, a hand going through his hair as he continued, "Because you thought that you were protecting us. I know. If you hadn't been such a dick about it, I might have understood…"

"I'm a _proper_ dick for not explaining myself at the time, no arguments there. Uh, but, getting drunk… it was… it was easier than having to talk about it…"

"I can't say I understand that SP-"

"I know, you're forever the open book, Xand"

"-but just, stay off the drink… for you, nobody else" He finished as he pulled her into a tight hug, still shaking his head at her.

"Thanks" She whispered, willing the stinging in the back of her eyes to stop or she would get a reputation as someone who cried in public. Who was she kidding? That was her calling card.

"Think the old man wants to talk to you, pet" Spike interrupted from the doorway, holding back an eyeroll at the boy putting his paws all over his girl. He had been watching the exchange, Xander and him seemed to have come to a truce of sorts despite their squabble over the best way to continue their strategy to save Dawn and the world. He was glad Saffron and the whelp had spoken, she liked him for some reason Spike had never understood.

"You think he'll be easier on me on account of the blood loss?" Saff asked Xander and he replied by giving her a look. _Yeah, not very likely,_ she decided as she flicked the cigarette butt to the ground and walked into the main room.

When she entered, Giles was talking in a hushed whisper to Buffy. She felt as if she was intruding so she hung back in the shadows. When Buffy turned to leave, she was surprised to see Saffron there but gave her a watery smile as she walked past her to check on the others. Saffron walked uncertainly towards Giles, she could feel his pain and she was shocked he was still conscious, it was enough to almost knock her to the ground.

"Uh, Spike said you wanted to speak with me…"

"If this is our last moment…" Giles started, taking Saffron's hand in his from his position on the counter.

"Don't say that, G. Ben's already on his way" She said, squeezing his hand, feeling yet another wave of tears.

"If it is, I want you to know that I forgive you, Saffron and I hope that someday, even if that is not today, you can forgive me. I never gave up on you, I was, ah, hard on you because you needed to see for yourself. You needed to live up to your potential" She stared at him, he was being honest. She knew that much.

"That worked out great didn't it?" she smiled, no ill-will was felt towards the man. She understood. All she wanted was his approval, and he seemed to be giving it to her now, before it was too late.

"You have power and emotional strength beyond your years, beyond that which you can even fathom. I know, ah, you have a believer in Spike but you must believe in yourself" He managed to rasp, wincing in pain at the words he willed himself to speak. She didn't appear convinced to Giles, so he turned to her seriously, explaining about the number of knights she managed to get rid of in one scream earlier in the day before the RV crashed. The knights had held their heads, distracted by the pain and unable to carry on the chase, leaving only three left following them. The emotional trigger seemed to be anger and those that she cared about were at the heart of that, "I'm proud of you, Saffron" Giles finished as he closed his eyes slowly. Saffron's eyes welled with tears as she leaned into his ear and whispered something quietly. She held his hand and willed that he could no longer feel pain, instead replacing it with comfort – as much as she could muster.

Ben came and Saffron was ushered out of the way. She stared at him from the corner where Spike leaned against her. She trailed her fingers through his hair with the hand that wasn't damaged. She was staring at Ben, a light frown on her features as she realised she had never felt any emotions from him. She had only ever guessed what he was feeling. Weird.

However, she was distracted from this strange revelation by a thought. Several puzzle pieces fitting perfectly in place. She was making the connections.

_'Tertium genus: The chosen. The key. The sight.'_

_'There is a choice to make. You must protect her, the link to the olde world…'_

_'When the blood is drawn there will be no room to mourn. Instead you must follow the light…'_

_'The gift. A choice of many. Let there be light where once there was not any. As in any sacred sacrifice, the sight's protective hand must guide the path. What is done must be done for the good of the last…'_

It was all starting to make sense. She was meant to protect Dawn. Buffy must choose. Dawn needed to be saved from Glory at all costs. Why did it feel she was missing something important? The final piece was yet to reveal the full picture.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Ben was still treating Giles, who seemed to be improving much to everyone's relief. Saff and Spike walked into the makeshift interrogation room whispering quietly about possible plans to get out of there before turning their attention to Buffy and the General, who had been tied up in the middle of the room.

"Yes. The key has been transformed, given... breath, life. Yet, this makes no difference. The key is the link. The link must be severed. Such is the will of God"

"She doesn't remember anything about being this key you're all looking for. The only thing that she remembers is growing up with a mother, and sisters that love her. What kind of God would demand her life for something that she has no control over? We are not your enemy. Tell your men to stand down!"

"No" the man replied, unmoved by Buffy's impassioned speech.

"It is not her fault! She's human now!"

"The key is too dangerous to be allowed to exist. No matter what form it has been pressed into" He spat the word pressed and that was when Saffron snapped. She ran up to the man and landed a punch on his jaw as hard as she could manage. The man just stared down at her, as if she had barely touched him as she shook her hand. But she could tell it had hurt him, he was just too proud to show it. She took another shot, her frustration and anger manifesting in punch after punch until even Spike saw she needed to be pulled away. Buffy had just watched from the corner, letting her punch her frustrations out onto their hostage. Saff let herself be pulled away by Spike, it had hurt her knuckles and she wasn't too proud to openly tend to another hand injury. Spike tended to her hand and let Buffy continue, but she was interrupted yet again just as she got started. There was a commotion coming from the other room. Tara was chanting again, about it being time. Buffy ran in to see if she could help. Saffron could feel it but she couldn't go into the room, it would knock her out. She could barely stand now. Tara's emotions were all over the place and they were painful.

"You're getting good at that, love" Spike said gesturing towards the angry bruise that was forming on the side of the man's jaw. She tried to turn her full attention to Spike rather than the pain.

"Learnt from the best" She shrugged as he smirked proudly, "…Buffy" She added as his face dropped. She left a chaste kiss on his lips, assuring him that she wasn't serious. She was trying to put on a brave face, humour was her armour in times like this. He knew this.

He took her less damaged hand, leading her to an empty room, away from the commander's eye and further away from Tara's shouts. He stroked her cheeks softly before cupping his hands against her cheeks, guiding her to look at him.

"You saved me, love. Arrow through the heart would have done me in and you didn't even think about it. God knows how you managed it with your human reaction time at such a bloody glacial pace"

"I'm an empath. We're protectors, it's what we do" She winked before explaining further, "I would have done it again, for you. Even if I did get a hole in my hand for the trouble. I love you and I wouldn't want to have to vacuum you up now would I?"

"The 'I love you' would have done just as fine"He smiled at the way she expressed herself.

"You know I like to create a rich visual tapestry to distract from the hell of revealing my true authentic feelings, babe" She did an overdramatic eyeroll and a sigh

"Well then, I love you too Honeysuckle" He replied, pulling her into him. She wrapped her arms around him, wishing they could be back in his crypt with all the time in the world to hold each other.

"While I'm speaking my mind… I'm proud of you, you know that?" She asked when they reluctantly moved from their hug, still standing as close as possible.

"What for?"

"You've been here, helping out where you can. It must be torture smelling all the blood, you haven't said anything about it once…"

Spike looked embarrassed at her praise, rubbing the back of his neck and shrugging at her words. The pair could be hopeless with expressing their feelings sometimes, onlookers (mainly Dawn) often wanted to bash their heads together to get them to talk properly. That was when Spike noticed how pale Saff was, how much fresh blood was now running down her arm. He went to get Ben, not caring at all for Giles' health when his girl was evidently about to die any second. Ben explained that when the arrow was pulled out it meant the blood wasn't able to clot around the wound and she had stopped putting pressure on it. He gave her some light pain medication and worked on her quickly, using his medical equipment as she cursed wildly making him flinch with every other word. He also checked her bruised knuckles over.

When Ben left the couple finally, Saffron thanked him and made sure to ask him exactly how he was feeling before he left. Spike had to ask because it was bugging him how much attention she had been giving him despite the huge pain in her hand,"Why do you suddenly care enough to ask about Dr Attractive's feelings?"

"I can't-I can't feel anything from him" She tried to breathe evenly, having her hand treated had reminded her just how much pain she was in.

"What and that doesn't start ringing the mystical alarm bells?" Spike tapped her head with two fingers, "You're bloody terrible at this higher power, True sight bag aren't you love?" He said as she pulled a face at him, she knew he was messing with her. He thought she was amazing at handling what was thrown at her. She thought about this. She would know if he had bad intentions. Wouldn't she?

"Something's going on" She said, her thoughts moving to Dawn and Buffy and everything that had been happening.

"You're telling me! He's a bloody threat that's what he is!" Spike shouted, about to run off and apparently tackle their medic to the ground. Saff put her hand on his arm softly so as not to upset her hand to bring his attention back to her. She could still feel a hint of jealousy from him from the attention she had given the medic and put his reaction purely down to that.

"No! He's helping, you just watched him patch me up! I meant something's going on with the three. There's this electricity, like lightning whenever I'm in the room with Buffy and Dawn. Whatever it is, it's happening soon" She explained, distracting him with the information she hadn't had chance to fill him in on yet.

"We'll get through this" He said assuredly, noting her worried tone. He believed it, he had to. He pulled her into another close embrace, holding her to him. She leaned in close, closing her eyes, savouring this brief respite from what was going on around them.

"How do I know I can do it? That I'm good enough?" She said eventually, moving back but not allowing herself to move from his side.

"I know you are, love" He said firmly. She looked unconvinced, worried about what was to come. It was as if she knew what was going to happen, it was on the tip of her tongue but she just couldn't put the words in the right order.

"But how do I know that I'm _good_ enough for any of this?"

"It takes something to be bad..." he smirked, "Besides, love, Honeysuckle's nontoxic" He whispered, shrugging as if it was obvious. She started to chuckle softly, before all out laughing at his statement. Spike couldn't help but catch her laughter, it was contagious. They couldn't stop laughing despite their situation. Everything she had told herself was based on the idea she was poison. A poisoned Honeysuckle, infecting all those she touched and even that was wrong. It wasn't as funny as the pair found it, but the relief from the laughter they shared was addictive. She really wasn't poison.

Their smiles started to fade as they heard something in the other room. They could both sense trouble. They ran in just in time to see Ben turn into Glory. Maybe Spike should have tackled him to the ground while he had chance. Their smiles weren't even a ghost on their faces as both stared open-mouthed in horror. She took Dawn and left the others distraught as she punched a hole in the barrier and left with her key.


	40. Chapter 40

It had been hours and Buffy was staring into the distance. She hadn't moved since she watched her sister be taken away by Glory. Saffron was pacing. She was worried about both of her cousins. She could barely feel Buffy's emotions, it was as if they were very far away from her and she was getting worried. Panicked.

"Buff? Buffy? Please come back to us, Buff" She pleaded again, kneeling in front of her and taking Buffy's hand in hers. She winced as it stung her hand, but she wouldn't let go, "I need you back Buffy. I can't do this alone, it's all of us. The three of us are only strong when we're together… I know you felt it in the RV too" She tried again. Buffy stayed, unblinking as the others discussed what was best to do for her. Saffron got up and started to pace again in silence as the others tried to figure out whether to move her or keep her where she was. Spike walked up to Saff, pulling her towards the back of the room to stand with him as everyone started to debate more urgently. He whispered several reassurances, telling her she was strong, too good for any of this and that they would find Dawn and sort the Slayer out. Each reassurance was punctuated with a kiss. He was with her for the long haul and he was comforting her the best way he knew how. His eyes widened as he had an idea. Spike stalked over to Buffy, grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently.

"Buffy!" He shouted, "Oi, rise and bloody shine Slayer!" He shouted before landing a hard strike across Buffy's face. But instead of Buffy reacting, Spike clutched his head in pain because she's human. Saffron's eyes widened and pulled him back, shaking her head, but sent a wave of pain relief over him so his headache would subside. She didn't chastise him, she knew he was desperate to help, but Xander couldn't feel intentions like she could.

"Are you insane!? We could be dealing with neurological damage here. You want to kill her?"

"We have to bloody do something! I can't just sit here watching. You waste time with kid gloves. I'm willing to wager, when all is said and done, Buffy likes it rough… much like her cousin" Spike couldn't help adding, a glint in his eye. He was riling Xander up. What had happened to the understanding they'd had only several hours earlier?

"Spike! Shut up!" Saffron shouted, giving him a look. This so wasn't the time. This was when Xander landed a punch on the side of Spike's face. They started grapple with each other in the middle of the room. Saff jumped in to try to separate them, "Will you both bloody cool it!?" she shouted, but instead got Xander's elbow in her eye for the trouble. As she cried out, Willow had had enough. She took charge.

"Separate" An unseen force pushed Spike, Xander and Saff apart to separate corners of the room. The whole room stared at Willow in surprise as she gave them a determined glare, "Buffy's out. Glory has Dawn. Sometime real soon, she's gonna use Dawn to tear down the barrier between every dimension there is. So, if you wanna fight, do it after the world ends, okay?" Spike glared at Xander while he went over to apologise to Saff. It had been an accident. She shook her head in understanding as Xander walked to stand with Anya and Spike took his place by Saff's side. Tara started to chant again and Saff clutched her head, trying not to bring attention to how much pain and confusion she felt. It would only upset Willow to know it was coming from Tara.

"Uh... Will?" Spike asked as Willow looked at him as if telling him to spit it out, "Now, uh, don't turn me into a horned toad for asking, but... what if we come across Ben?" Spike asked, keeping one eye on his girl as he asked. She seemed to be in pain and he wasn't sure how much more she could take.

"I-I don't think a doctor's what Buffy needs right now" Willow decided.

"Well, yeah, especially not one who also happens to be Glory" Spike added, looking at the room where everyone seemed confused beyond words.

"What?!"

"Right here, before your very eyes. Ben came, turned into Glory, snatched the kid and vanished, remember? You do remember?" Spike explained, frowning at the group before turning to Saff, "Tell them, love!"

"Tell them what?" Saff said, clearly as confused as the rest of the room, "I already told you, I just can't feel anything from him, it could mean anything"

"For someone that has access to everyone's emotions on a whim, you are a bloody horrible judge of character, Honeysuckle" Spike groaned, exasperated at his girl. Saff stuck her two fingers up at him as he tried to find at least someone else in the room that had seen Ben turn into Glory. Everyone else echoed Saffron's confusion at his words which made him roll his head back in annoyance before speaking up again, "Is everyone here very stoned? Ben. Glory. He's a doctor, she's the Beast. Two entirely separate entities sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom. Surely you remember?"

"So you're saying Ben and Glory... have a connection?"

"Yes, obviously, but what kind?"

"He likes to wear dresses too? I suppose he has the legs for it" Saff said, as if deep in thought about Ben's legs. Spike started speaking, but paused and looked back at her, a frown clear on his face. _When had she been bloody looking?_

"No, love, listen carefully" He started speaking very slowly, turning to her, clearly frustrated. She swatted at him, annoyed that he was acting as if she was stupid, "Ben is Glory"

"Ben knows Glory? It doesn't make any sense, he came to help us…" She scrunched her forehead up, trying to comprehend what he was saying.

"Now really had to be the moment your seventh-bleeding-sense started going on the blink?" he said, tapping her head as if he was checking if her powers were on, he rolled his eyes clasping his hand in hers to show her his memory of the last hour.

"Ben _is_ Glory!?" She shouted, as if it had been the first time the revelation had occurred. Spike rolled his eyes. _Finally._

Eventually, they decided that Xander and Spike would go to the hospital to take Giles and then go to Glory's house to check things out. Willow was going to do a spell to help Buffy while Saff was going to go with Anya to help set the spell up and take care of Tara.

"Can't you come with us, pet? I'll go round the bloody bend if I'm stuck with Harris" Spike asked, checking Saff's eye out that was slowly bruising.

"I don't fancy getting another black eye for my collection, I've already fucked both my hands up!" She explained holding her hands up as evidence, "Besides, I'd only slow you down. No super-strength to speak of here"

"So why am I being stuck with the whelp?"

"Man-power, babe" She winked at Spike, letting Xander, who was listening in, puff his chest out despite the pressure the gang was under.

Willow left Tara in the capable hands of Saffron and Anya. She was going to explore Buffy's mind and try to help get her out of her catatonic state. Saff hugged her friend and wished her luck before turning back to the women still in the kitchen. There was a silence as they all worried about their individual thoughts, the only sound was Tara babbling every so often. Anya frowned at her and looked as if she was trying to make up her mind about something.

"Should we make her some food? Will she be hungry?" Anya asked, looking from Tara to Saff.

"I think you'd be a really good mother, An" She smiled at her friend who beamed at her and nodded. In fact, Saff knew she would be a good mother. She had seen it.

"Yes, I am probably the perfect temperament" Anya bobbed her head.

"Let's make a PB&J and see if she'll have it" Saff suggested, looking around the cabinets for the ingredients and passing them to Anya.

"Yes! The food of the apocalypse!" An shouted, "Would you like one?" she inquired as Saff sat down on the breakfast stool in the ex-vengeance demon's shared apartment. Tara started to spin slowly on the stool next to her.

"Thanks for asking, but, uh, no. I'm too nervous I don't think I could keep anything down" Saff said, twisting the silver ring on her index finger.

"Yes, Xander told me I should offer but I'm glad you said no because it would mean more work for me"

"Anya, if anyone ever tells you that you're not meant to be here, don't listen to them. You're a good friend and a good person" Saff said genuinely as Anya's face lit up. Saff was still staring down at her hands, now trying to seriously think about what fish-features' words had meant. She was missing something.

"You believe I'm like a human person?" Anya stopped spreading peanut butter to look up with a smile. Most people brushed her off for not acting human enough, she had secretly been insecure about it but Saffron could tell.

"You _are_ a human person, Anya! Now give T the sandwich"

"I see! You were flattering me so I would do the grunt work! Well I'm not easily fooled! I've inflicted vengeance for less!" Anya exclaimed but still cut the crusts off the sandwich and set the plate in front of Tara.

Throughout the afternoon, the two women tried their best to distract Tara from trying to leave and making a fuss while Willow explored Buffy's mind. Spike had called Saffron from a payphone, explaining that Giles was improving when they left him at the hospital but nothing was left in Glory's place when they went. He promised he would be back with her as soon as he could ditch the whelp back at the hospital.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Buffy was back with them again thanks to a little magic and Willow's friendship. Everyone had met in the Magic Box for one of their infamous before-the-apocalypse pep talks. Except the mood this time wasn't so enthusiastic for this fight. The worry about Dawn was blanketing the room. It was so strong it was almost suffocating Saffron. Giles was reading from a book that detailed the ritual out loud as she tried to compose herself, "And now the key is human, is Dawn, 'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more'... when Dawn is dead"

"Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be a lymph ritual?"

"Cos it's always got to be blood" Spike said, and Saff put her less-damaged hand on his back comfortingly. His words were profound and she wanted to show he could carry on, even despite Xander's put-downs. When the blood is drawn there will be no time to mourn...

"We're not discussing dinner right now"

"Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. Course it's her blood" Saff could feel that Spike was angry that it was Dawn that was being targeted. He was fond of the bit. He felt helpless and she tried her best to soothe him, keep in contact to absorb his worry. Show she was right there next to him as she knew he was next to her. Giles started to say something and his emotions had peaked Saff's attention.

"I don't wanna hear it." Buffy had cut Giles off, knowing he wanted to sacrifice Dawn for the greater good.

"I understand that…"

"No, you really don't fucking get it do you?" Saffron shouted, "We're connected to her. The three of us, we're all connected" _The Key, The Chosen and The Sight..._

"We are not talking about this" Buffy glared at Giles and started to turn away, with Saff and Spike about to follow her.

"Yes, we bloody well are! If Glory begins the ritual, if we can't stop her…"

"Come on. Say it. We're _bloody well_ talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister!" Buffy shouted and Saffron started to struggle with the tension in the room. It was suffocating her.

"She's not your sister. Or your cousin"

"She fucking is!" Saffron shouted through her pain at his words, rounding on Giles. Spike held her back, pulling her against his side. He stroked the side of her face softly, trying to help calm her down. He was always in awe of how she could go from normal to ready for a fight in seconds. Buffy looked over to Saffron, knowing her cousin would support her.

"No. She's not" Buffy said, "She's more than that. She's me"

"She's us" Saffron managed to agree, letting Buffy speak to the room. Spike continued to show his support through his embrace, keeping her firmly against his side.

"If the ritual starts, every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death. Including Dawn" Giles cut through Buffy's speech.

"We have a choice" Saffron said. A phrase she had heard many times in the past year. She only really got it now. This was it.

"Yes and this is the bloody choice you need to make. For the good of everyone"

"No, G. It's something else. It's Buffy's choice"

"My choice is the last thing she'll see is me protecting her. I'm sorry. I love you all, but I'm sorry"

"The chosen, the sight and the key. I have to protect Dawn above anything. The chosen must choose, I have to support her... to protect Dawn. And besides, I think she's right" Saff spoke firmly from somewhere within.

After confirming, again, the plan they had all gathered back in the magic box later that day. They had collected all the weapons they could find. They had discussed each element, some arguments still played out as they walked out of the door. What they were attempting was dangerous and they may not all survive. But they were willing. For Dawn. Spike started to stalk out after the others but Saffron pulled him back, crashing her lips into his, kissing him quickly without warning.

"I know the adrenaline's rushing to your… head, love, but I don't think it's the time…" He tailed off as she met his lips again. A single kiss before she explained herself.

"Look, I think it's my job to protect her. If I'm ever not able to protect her properly…" Saff tailed off, before willing herself to continue. She had to, "I can trust you. Just you. Would you- would you promise me you'll protect her?"

"Always, love. You don't need to ask" He shrugged, turning to leave, his hand now in her (only slightly) less hurt one. But Saff paused, unmoving.

"Please promise, it's important" She looked up at him, willing him to feel how serious this was. He looked back, searching her grey eyes. He nodded once.

"Promise" He whispered, pressing another soft kiss to her lips. Sealed with a kiss.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They followed Tara closely, stopping in the part of Sunnydale that had the massive metal crane-like structure in the middle of the Industrial buildings. How come they had never noticed it before? Oh right, it was another pop-up demon shop. As they said a few last words of encouragement to each other, they stared up at the looming metal structure. This was it. The battle was now.

Saff was almost knocked off her feet as she stared up with the others. A message. All she could see were quick flashes of words and scenes. But it was all so clear. The truth. The roles. It was as if it was something inside her. That she had known all along. The final piece.

_A Key._

_A sacrifice._

_A protector._

_Make the choice. It is the gift._

Saff snapped out of it, steadying herself against Spike, who quickly took on her weight with no question. He wished the powers would leave his girl alone. She moved out of his hold slowly, still clutching her head as she kissed him softly on the cheek. She then turned to Buffy, grabbing her attention and pulling her away from the others as she spoke, "Buff, I need to talk to you. In private" she held both of her cousin's hands, showing her the vision. They knew what must be done. The first slayer had told Buffy that death is the gift. Saff's eyes welled with tears, but Buffy seemed determined. It was as if it had been obvious the entire time. The feeling was within them both. They knew it. It had to go this way. For Dawn. Buffy nodded, she squeezed her cousin's hand before asking if she was sure she wanted to come with her to try the plan they had discussed earlier to defeat Glory. Buffy was worried about how this could go. Saffron nodded, it was dangerous but she had to try. Willow left to do the spell to bring Tara back to her which weakened the Hell-God and luckily brought Tara's mind back with ease. Glory recovered and beat the Buffy bot to the ground, Willow had managed to get her hands on Warren's blueprints and made one of their own for their plan. The real Buffy ran off to go and face Glory as the others tried to fight against the others on the ground. Saffron followed her, trying to calm her breathing, hoping beyond everything she could do this.

"You're not the brightest God in the heavens are you?" Buffy said, hitting Glory from behind as the God stared at the Buffybot. She stumbled back towards Saffron. Saff took the chance while the God was distracted and grabbed her wrist faltering slightly at what she was supposed to do. Glory swatted her off like a bug but Saffron quickly took both of her wrists, not hesitating to influence her this time. She closed her eyes and felt pain. Unimaginable pain. Glory started screaming and falling to the floor. Saffron started to stumble, letting go of the Hell-God. She'd never attempted anything like this and it was weakening her fast. Buffy ran and held Saff up as Glory sunk to her knees.

"I have had enough of you magic bitches with your ugly, unmanicured fingernails trying to take away my beauty and strength and most importantly my key!" She whined from the floor.

"Get fucked you annoying, whiny little twat!" Saff rolled her eyes as Glory got to her feet shakily. This was her small way of protecting Dawn. She wished she could help Buffy drop-kick her into next week but it wasn't her role.

"I am a God!" Glory shrieked, throwing a tantrum as Buffy hit her again from behind, gaining her attention.

"Oh, I see you for what you are, fuck off!" Saffron flipped her off with her nicely painted black fingernails before walking away to the others. Buffy nodded a thank you to her cousin as she continued to fight the weakened Hell-God, landing a well-executed roundhouse kick knocking her down once more. Saffron stumbled to where the others were in time to see a brick bounce off Spike's head. Saff was by his side in the blink of an eye, rubbing his head and taking the pain from him the best she could. She knelt down with the others, trying to shelter herself from the ongoing battle.

The fight was hard and they appeared to be being pushed back by Glory's minions. Spike had recovered quickly from the brick to his head and Saffron was still a little bit shaky after her run-in with Glory. Saffron could feel that it was nearly time and she could tell both Buffy and Dawn felt it too. Saffron got to her feet at the same time as Spike, she turned to him as they both stared into each other's eyes. He took her cheek in his hand, crashing his lips to hers. She reached, her hands sliding up his back as their kissed deepened. Their kiss was intense and meaningful in ways they didn't understand. They moved against each other, clinging desperately to their love. Their kiss. For a brief moment, they were the only ones in the world, there was no battle raging around them, there was only them and their love for each other. Tears rolled down Saff's face as she knew what may happen at the end of this fight and Spike felt it too. This made the kiss deepen further, Spike moving a hand into her hair at the base of her skull as she balled his t-shirt in one hand slipping her hand under his shirt needing to feel his skin under her hands. They broke apart, breathless as they were snapped back into reality. They needed to fight.

Saffron knew that what was coming next would change everything. The sacrifice had to be made and all three of them would have to be together before it did. The vision had said that-

Saffron couldn't finish her thought. She had blacked out, almost smacking her head against the crates they were hiding behind but Spike held her up and slowly lowered her to the ground, leaning her against the crates, glad she hadn't had a hit to her head along with the black eye. She collapsed; her strength may be promising but she had just tried to inflict unimaginable pain on a Hell-God. Something she would have to feel as well. No human pain tolerance could live up to that of a God. Could it?

He couldn't care less about the fight anymore, she was hurt. He tried her best to wake her up, make her comfortable. But he didn't have much chance to look after her as Willow's voice was suddenly echoing around his head.

"Someone's up there with Dawn" Willow's voice said and when he looked up from his unconscious girlfriend's face, he saw that this was true, someone was up there with the bit, "You need to get up there"

"Saff's out cold. I can't leave her"

"You're the only one strong enough, Spike. We trust you" Willow spoke on behalf of herself and Tara. He looked at the crowd blocking his path and then at Saffron. He didn't want to leave her side, but then he remembered. Their conversation in the magic box before they left. As if Willow had read Spike's mind, knowing he was ready to protect Dawn, she shouted "Go!" and somehow managed to part all the people like the red sea, giving him a direct path up to Dawn.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Dawn was tied up at the edge of the structure, a dress she would never be seen dead in hung on her frame loosely. She was scared, she trusted her sisters, but she was scared. Her heart quickened when she saw Spike, hope sparking back in her chest. When Spike made it to the top he ran straight towards Dawn and started to untie her. Doc creeped towards them and he was waving a knife. Spike stood defensively in front of Dawn, ready to protect her with all the strength at his disposal.

"You don't come near the girl, Doc" He stated, the conviction behind his words were unmistakeable.

"There's not a soul anywhere on you. Why do you even care?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"I made a promise to a lady" Spike said throwing himself at Doc, willing to fight until the last. For Dawn and his girl.

Spike had dropped down with a sickening thud, having been thrown over by Doc, but he rushed to his feet in time to meet Saffron's eyes. She was awake and her cheeks were rosy and full of colour. It was the first time he had seen her full of such life. Her skin was perfect, not a mark on her. Seeing her walking towards him made him smile. He stared until the corners of his eyes started to go fuzzy, imprinting this picture of her in his mind. She rushed to his side, holding him up.

"I always knew you were a good man, Spike" She said, a proud smile on her face. His heart swelled and he almost felt… _human_. She continued, "You did that for our family…" The look was back. He forgot the carnage around them as he savoured the glow of the proud look on her face. It was precious to him.

"_Our_ family?" He asked, looking at her wide-eyed.

"You, me, Dawn… everyone here. Family, they're yours as much as they are mine" She whispered, looking into his eyes to stop him arguing. He wasn't going to. He felt it. She looked behind her as she saw Buffy fighting her way to the top of the structure. Shit. It's now. "I have to go!" She said, starting to pull away and run towards the tower as Buffy threw Doc over the side easily. Spike still had hold of her wrist and pulled her back, looking into her eyes deeply as he said, "Careful, love"

"I'm not the one that just fell from the Sunnydale's answer to the Eiffel tower" she shot back, smiling that smile he loved. The one that said everything's going to be okay. He helped hold off the people attacking them as she rushed to reach Buffy. Her face changed; she was scared. But she knew what had to happen. She climbed to the top of the structure with ease, using her hands for leverage. She made it. Just in time.

The scoobies, and Spike, all stopped dead. They were all staring up at the three girls at the top of the structure. The glowing green portal started to expand as they realised Dawn's blood must have been spilt. It all went quiet at the bottom of the structure, all any of them could do was watch in a cold silence. It was as if the whole scene was running in slow motion. They saw the two older girls talking animatedly before Saffron moved to bring Dawn away from the very edge. The three girls spoke together, not even Spike could hear what they were saying. They were pulled into a hug by Buffy. All three of them felt a cold chill of the wind as they stood balancing on the platform. Buffy started to launch herself towards the edge, an earth-shattering scream rang out from the top of the structure as Saffron started to drop shortly after her. Buffy braced herself as she fell towards the portal, but something in the corner of her eye made her glance to her left. _Saff._ She reached with her left hand to take Saff's. _Both the sacrifice and the protector._ They gripped each other's hands tightly. They plummeted together, reaching the green portal and closing it, purple and silver light crackling through the air like electricity. Their sacrifice for Dawn. For the world.

All the others could do was watch. The horror reflected on each of their faces as their eyes were fixed on the girls as they closed the portal and came tumbling to the ground with a nauseating thud. Their hands were still clasped together as they lay side by side as the sky continued to crackle with the three strands of electricity lighting up the darkness. The only sound that could be heard now were the desperate clunk of footprints as Dawn sprinted down the metal structure to the ground towards the others. Her cheeks were already stained with tears as she knelt in front of them, fresh tears still flooding from her eyes. They sacrificed themselves so she could live.

Anya hid her face in Xander's chest, and all Xander could do was stare at their faces. His best friends. Their eyes were closed but they didn't look like they were sleeping. He could see Dawn's shoulders as she continued to sob for her family. Her sisters.

Tara held Willow close to her as she stared at the women she hadn't known two years before, but were now her family. The grief was unbearable and she understood more than ever how Saff had been feeling earlier that year. Grief never got easier. It got worse. Willow's heart ached, the girls had been with her through everything. She couldn't face waking up tomorrow without them being there. A desperate loss flowed through everyone as Willow's powers were so strong that they shuddered through the town. The whole of Sunnydale could feel an unshakable loss.

Giles' face was unreadable as he stared at the girls he saw as daughters. Both were ripped from his heart, leaving a desperate hole there. He had only just made amends with Saffron and that hurt. All that time he had missed by being stubborn when she had needed him to be comforting or firm but fair. He had acted like a stranger, to himself even. It was his biggest regret, perhaps second only to not being able to protect them both. He stood motionless as he watched their limp forms, he couldn't look away. Not even to clean his glasses.

Spike dropped to his knees at the sight of his love and collapsed into gut-wrenching sobs. She was the only one that had ever had that belief in him, a love that could equal his own for her. Neither of them were perfect, but that never stopped their love. He was inconsolable in a way that he had never been before. The profound feeling of a loss of a soul, all over again. She was the love of all of his lives. He couldn't bear to look at her like that as he collapsed into another wave of sobs, his shoulders shuddered with emotion.

_She's gone._


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41:

Dawn and Spike were sat on the cold beach, it was the middle of the night and Spike had driven them out in his black Desoto. It was late Friday and Dawn hadn't wanted to see anyone else. They always gave her a pitying look, one that she tried to glare away from their faces, but she was never as good as Saffron at that. With Spike, Dawn could relax because he felt it too. The suffocating grief. Spike had been quiet. Ever since that day, he hadn't spoken as much and he seemed to be in deep thought a lot of the time. But it didn't mean he didn't keep his promise. He tried to keep Dawn safe and occupied when she didn't want to go out and do normal teenage stuff. How could she?

They sat on the edge of the wooden pier, it was deserted. The moonlight was bouncing off the sea as Dawn stared at the vast expanse of the water. She couldn't bring herself to enjoy the beauty of it. She was frowning into the distance.

"You asked to come, nibblet. I was thinking something less bloody miserable"

"She liked it here, they both did. But Saff the most. She said once it reminded her of being free"

"Free?" Spike asked, looking back out onto the water. Her eyes had looked across this picture and felt free. _Free from or free to?_ But Dawn didn't elaborate, she just nodded and stared in the same direction. It was her memory of Saff, not his. He was glad she didn't say more, it hurt to think about her. It hurt every time he forgot she was gone and he had to be reminded all over again. But he never truly forgot. Sometimes he pretended she was just away for a while, coming back to him safely when she could. But that pretence hurt more. There was a gap in conversation as they both listened to the crash of the waves against the rocks below. It would have been calming to anyone else. But their minds were racing like the current, so much had happened in such a short space of time.

"Do you think she would have wanted to be cremated instead? Can't imagine her just lying there" Spike winced, she was talking about her again. He tried his best to avoid it. But it usually came up when him and Dawn spent time together. Which was a lot.

"She'd never bloody forgive either of us if we burnt her docs" He smiled slightly at her attachment to her combat boots and Dawn laughed faintly, a hollow echo across the night. He thought about his promise. He was keeping it, hoping that she would be proud of him if she could see it. Protecting their family. Theirs. He looked down at his hands, he had managed to fit one of her silver rings on his little finger and he twisted it as she once would have done.

Spike made a noise half-way between a sob and a sigh as he hoisted himself up from where they were sat. He offered his hand to Dawn, his eyes were collecting water and he needed to get out of this place. Fast. Dawn frowned but nodded. She had gotten good at understanding when Spike needed space or to leave somewhere to hide how emotional he got. They walked together to the car in silence, only pausing once for Dawn to pick up a shell. She slipped it in her pocket before getting into the car.

They raced back to Sunnydale with Spike trying to get Dawn back before the witches found out she had disappeared with him to the beach. They knew he came at night to make sure she was okay, they understood he needed to. But they also wanted her not to be out after dark so much. That's how things started to get dangerous. Dawn fell asleep on the way back and Spike tried to gently wake her. She didn't even stir. Spike rolled his eyes, lighting up a cigarette and winding down the window. Saff would never forgive him for letting Dawn inhale any second-hand smoke. Even though he knew for a fact she let Dawn try a cigarette once, Dawn had reminded him of this on one of their trips to the mall after it had closed. Failing the gentle wake up he shouted and shook her to get her up. She groaned but took her seatbelt off, thanking him before running to the front door.

Spike watched Dawn unlock the front door and slip inside as he started to play the mix that Saff had made him so long ago. He often sat in his car, playing it on repeat while he drank. The crypt didn't feel right without her presence in it. He found himself parked outside Revello increasingly often, making sure that Dawn was safe.

_ **xoxoxo** _

_7a.m._

Everyone's alarm clocks were blaring but Dawn was already awake. She had slipped into her bed very late, but she hadn't managed much sleep. She kept having flashbacks to that night. She felt guilty she was the only one that survived. The unremarkable one. This is what she told herself. She hauled herself out of bed and started to get herself ready for school.

In the next room, Tara and Willow had taken up Joyce's old room as their own. Tara was leaving sleepy kisses on Willow's shoulder, trying to make her stay in bed with her.

"It's the big day" She whispered to her girlfriend and Willow moved her hand to squeeze Tara's where it was resting on her side. Willow got up and got herself ready in a rush, trying to find her clogs quickly. She needed to make sure everything was perfect. Tara sighed, getting herself up as well and watching Willow rushing around. Will stopped when she saw Tara's face and held her hand.

"Pancakes could go in bellies" Willow smiled, rubbing her stomach as Tara gave her a kiss and smiled at her girlfriend fondly. Tara padded to the kitchen and yawned, trying to grab as many ingredients on her way past the cupboards as she could. Suddenly she stopped dead. She saw Saff behind her reflected in the window. She went cold. A specific brand of cold that she only felt when Saff was near her. She turned her head to look, but no one was there. When she turned back to the window, there was a figure standing in her way.

"Morning T, I rarely wake up early but I am in the kitchen with you. Fancy a fag?" She said, patting down her pockets for her pack but frowned when she couldn't find anything in her pockets.

"Oh, hi Saffy. You scared me for a second there" Tara said, holding her hand to her chest before busying herself with the pancakes.

"I think it's these slippers, I do not like them. They're too quiet. I like combat boots more than anything in the world. Except maybe my boyfriend spike. We were kind of enemies-to-lovers. He bit me once, but now we just shag a lot-"

"Okay, Saffy. I get it" Tara replied shortly. She would usually be caring and helpful towards the bots but it was getting harder to manage and keep track of them both. Having not one, but two robots in the house was fraying everyone's nerves. Willow had accessed Warren's hard drive and adapted his blueprints to fit her needs. She had made two bots, a Buffybot and a Saffybot. They were designed to ensure that the occupants of the Hellmouth believed there was still a slayer keeping them in check and to ensure that if social services did come, which Willow predicted they probably would, the pair would appear as Dawn's legal guardians. All this being said, Willow was good, but not great at making them act normal.

"You are being rude to me. You're a bloody twat!" Saffron shouted, glaring at Tara and putting her hands on her hips. Dawn came downstairs at this moment, almost tripping over Buffybot as she lay on the floor recharging. Saffybot whipped her head around and smiled.

"Morning, it's a new day it's a new Dawn!" the robot smiled, having forgotten she was glaring at Tara. She then walked over to the living room, crashing into walls on the way round.

"That's a new one" Dawn said to Tara, she hated the robots and didn't humour them.

"I think Willow's finding her some phrases that don't include the word twat" Tara whispered the last part, aware that people still weren't supposed to swear in front of Dawn.

_9a.m._

Xander arrived late, not that Dawn minded. She ate her cereal in her room to get away from the robots. She declined Tara's offer of pancakes. Xander knocked on her door and told her to get in the car, he just needed to grab a tool from his trunk so Willow could try and re-program the Buffy bot so she could make an appearance at the school for parent-teacher day.

"Come on, Dawnster! Gotta get you learning"

"Coming" She called, taking her bag and slowly walking to the car.

When they were driving, they hit rush-traffic. Xander groaned and looked at his watch. Dawn was going to be really late.

"Sorry, Dawn. I'll be on time tomorrow there was this whole thing and Anya wanted me to stay in bed-"

"Gross!" Dawn said, and Xander smiled. It reminded him of one of the many times Saff had been on the phone pleading with him to come help look after Dawn while Anya tried to make him stay. Although, Saff had been angrier and used more expletives. He missed them both and although he knew about the ritual, he was cautious to get his hopes up. A lot of Willow's spells used to go wrong. He didn't want his friends back if it meant they'd be suffering. He thought about how Anya had cried for days after they went and sighed. He wished everything had gone back to normal, before Glory. Before Joyce died. Even with Saff going out with Spike. At least everyone was happier then.

He parked up and let Dawn out of the car. They said their goodbyes and Dawn ran in to try and make it before she was recorded absent. The last thing they needed was Saffybot answering the phone to the school and telling them to fuck off.

_1p.m._

Buffybot left the school, almost skipping. She started to sing a pretty tune but stopped when Xander told her to. The day had been a success and she enjoyed talking to all the nice people. Xander led her back to the car quickly, trying to avoid any of the parents trying to chat to her.

Dawn was in class, she sighed and started to shuffle a charred deck of cards under the table. She wasn't paying attention. How could she? Everyone loved Buffybot except her. She wanted her sister back. She wanted her cousin. She wanted her mom. She looked out of the window, staring at the busy street. How could it all be going on when they weren't? She understood how Saff felt in her grief, she always had since her mom had died. She couldn't throw a Saff-style fit though, as much as she felt like she needed to. She needed them all.

_8p.m._

"My teacher wanted to make it National Buffy Day" Dawn complained about the Buffybot as she walked back in from the kitchen, grabbing herself a drink.

"Makes sense"

"It does?"

"She responded to Buffybot because a robot is predictable. It's boring. Perfect teacher's pet. That's all schools are. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons… who go on to be very valuable and productive members of society, and you should go. Because she- because _they_ would want you to"

"Saff dropped out of college remember? I don't think she'd want me to be some automaton" Spike gave her a look and she conceded, "Check. One mindless automaton coming up"

"So, uh, what do you fancy, Bit? A game of rummy?" he asked, getting up. He winced as a memory came back into his head. Of her. Of them, playing cards in his crypt. Her winning as usual. He took the pack from the draw as he listened to Dawn's response. She reminded him that Tara and willow would be home early if he was bored, that he didn't have to stay.

"I'm not, and yeah, I do" He said firmly. He had made a promise.

"But I'm fine alone. It's not like anyone's coming after me. I'm not the Key. Or, if I am, I don't open anything anymore. It's over. Remember?"

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it" He stated. He looked down at the pack in his hands and closed his eyes as he relived the memory. Her. The glow of her skin against the candles as he moved her against him, her winning streak had gotten too much for him again. He had wanted her close instead. He had teased her, calling her a cheat but she had enjoyed it. She would smile at him, a smile that was for him alone. Dawn started speaking again, interrupting the bittersweet memory.

"Well, I'm just saying-" Dawn was cut off as Spike slammed the pack onto the table in front of them. He had been painfully snapped out of her arms again. He leaned back in his chair as he spoke firmly.

"No. I'm not leaving you to get hurt. Not again. Now deal" He told her and she picked up the pack. She had started to become really good at shuffling.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Giles was leaving. It had been quiet recently, especially since he had been packing to return to England. There were no witty puns from Buffy, no snappy comebacks from Saffron. Not a lot of anyone came around anymore, not after that day. The others had been distant and he didn't feel like he had a place in their routines anymore. He had been connected with Buffy and Saff in a way he hadn't with the others. To think about them was hard. He didn't want to have to look at the places he had trained them, tried to guide them, the happy memories, or worse. Where he had shouted at them. Ignored them. Treated them as his own father had.

He sighed, thinking about Buffy. He had wanted to protect her from all of this. The premature death that came with being a slayer. He loved her as his own daughter. Her strength was commendable. She had done this for Dawn, for all of them. Giles shook his head, packing a box reading: magical artefacts. Giles was alone, unable to face living in this place where even with the others he was lonely. Saff had been harsh to him when she had said it, but he didn't fit with the younger members. A loud sigh came from him again when he thought about her. Troubled was a word that came to mind, but she had dealt with everything with a strength he had only seen in slayers before. He had so many regrets. The main being pushing her so hard to change. He looked at the counter, it was cluttered with the prophecies and research he had managed to salvage from the fire Saffron set. He cleaned his glasses slowly, not wanting to have to move them yet.

He walked over, looking at each document before putting them in a file. He shook his head. He must have been wrong. The prophecy wasn't hers. She was meant to sacrifice herself for Dawn. To protect the key was her destiny. He sighed, she had been so good natured, her flaws increasingly ignored since her death, replaced only with his regret and anger at himself for not nurturing her and her abilities more. He had been harsh. As he had been with Buffy to begin with. Always pushing her to train. To listen to his way of doing things. They were gone, he reminded himself before hiding the file in the stockroom. In case the others would need it. The papers had gone through, Anya was now running the store on one condition. Saff's corner and Buffy's training room would be untouched. He took one last look at the store before switching off all the lights and posting the keys back through the letterbox for Anya.

Meanwhile, at the house, everyone was waking up. Dawn and Spike had only come home a few hours before which none of the others knew about. He had slipped downstairs to Saff's room and cried himself to a short sleep surrounded by her things. Dawn managed a few hours of sleep before coming into the kitchen to see the others. Buffybot was making a mountain of sandwiches and Tara was doing pancakes to try to cheer everyone up.

"Good morning! I love Spike and hate mornings! How are you, not that I care you twat" Saffybot said with a glare.

"Morning! You are not a very kind cousin, but I love you because you are my biological ancestor" Buffybot smiled, continuing to make a large number of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"Sit down, Saffy-b" Xander said, holding her shoulder and planting her in her seat.

"Fuck you, you fucking-" Saffybot started, before Willow powered her down and everyone in the room sighed in relief.

"My cousin is a robot?!" Buffybot said in shock, before starting yet another sandwich. Tara stopped her and asked her to start laundry to get her out of the way.

"I think her circuits have shorted, she seems to be swearing more than normal and saying things she isn't supposed to" Willow said, frowning at the wires as she opened Saffybot up. She made some tweaks and concentrated with a light frown as she tried to get the bot to act more human.

"Sounds like SP to me" Xander said, his smile barely visible as he bit into a sandwich. Spike started to stalk into the kitchen, but nearly got dusted by the light flooding into the room. He hid back in the hallway.

"Close the blinds! Close the bloody blinds!" He shouted, still covering his face as Tara rushed around and closed all the blinds. He adjusted the duster and sauntered in, faltering only when he laid eyes on the Saffybot.

"You are a vampire! Where is my stake!" Buffybot said, pointing at Spike, following him around the kitchen. Saffybot got rebooted at the same moment, her grey eyes landing directly on spike. She smiled at him before frowning at Buffybot.

"That is my boyfriend and I love him!" She stood up, some wires still hanging out of her arm, "No bloody fucking stakes will fucking bloody change that!" She pointed at Buffybot and she backed away slightly, looking between the pair. Spike's jaw tensed. He looked at the ground. He didn't like the bot. It was her face. Her voice. But it wasn't her. Nothing could compare to her.

"Anybody else having major flashbacks here?" Xander asked, looking between the pair of robots.

"It's like a bad play of the last year" Dawn agreed, taking another sandwich. Spike grabbed Willow's arm and brought her into the hall. Both ignoring Xander's protests at the vampire at the way he was pulling Willow along.

"I thought I told you to stop her saying that" he said, tensing his jaw as he turned to the witch in the hallway.

"What?"

"The whole _loving_ bit" Spike said, venom in his voice. It had been special coming from her voice. _It had taken her bloody long enough to say it._ He couldn't bear that robot saying it so nonchalantly. It tore him up.

"She did love you though, it has to be believable" Willow said, trying to confirm to him that she loved him. Maybe he wasn't sure.

"It's not her. That cold plastic sodding barbie doll will never be anything like her!" He said, slamming a fist into the wall before turning from Willow, "Send it to the fucking junk yard" He shouted over his shoulder, making his way back down to the basement where he had been all night. Little did he know there would be a ritual later that week to try and get the girls back. Willow watched him, stunned and embarrassed as she went to go and make yet more adjustments to Saffybot.

_ **xoxoxo** _

At Revello Drive, there was a swell of hope. Dawn was busy getting supplies to clean up cuts and scrapes that were distinctly breaking-out-of-coffin injuries. The ritual had worked, kind of. Buffy was buttoning up her shirt, trying to get used to being alive again. It was hard. Buffy walked around, looking at the walls. Her room. It was so normal. But nothing about this was normal. She didn't want to be back here. Not when she knew what it was like on the other side. She walked down the stairs, following Dawn closely. She had struggled to speak, seeing people was so overwhelming. And talking to them was even worse. So, she opted to follow Dawn around as she went on the look out for supplies. As they descended the stairs, the door crashed open and Spike appeared exasperated at Dawn who he had managed to lose.

"Thank God! You scared me half to death... or more to death. You - I could kill you!"

"Spike-"

"I mean it! I could rip your head off one-handed and drink from your brain stem!"

"Look"

"Yeah I've seen the bloody bot before" He waved her away, before looking back up at Buffy. It was the real one. He looked back to Dawn, _"Saff…?"_ he asked, his voice cracking. Dawn shook her head sadly, leading Buffy into the living room and sitting her down. The others had all rushed into the house asking to see them. They asked Buffy a lot of questions that she wasn't sure how to answer. They started to wonder about Saff. Why hadn't she returned too? Willow had done the ritual for her as much as Buffy.

Spike walked over from the back of the room where he had been watching. He was angry. Why couldn't it be Saffron? He tapped Willow on the shoulder, swinging her round to face him.

"You didn't think to tell me, Red? And what's with the Slayer favouritism? What about Saff?" He asked, an edge to his voice that would have made Willow whimper three years ago.

"She was meant to come back too… I'm not sure what went wrong, but we got distracted what with the…" She tailed of as more crashing happened outside. _Not to mention bringing back just one person from the dead took a toll on the body, but two?_ The gang that had been terrorising the town was leaving since the slayer had returned, albeit slowly.

"Bloody go back and finish it then!"

"Woah, hey! We all wanted her back too!" Xander shouted, removing Spike's grip from Willow.

"Oh, I see. The boy's conveniently forgotten that he treated the dead girl like crap for most of last year? What is this? Don't respect the bloody dead?"

"_Oh_, I have no problems disrespecting the dead" Xander said, cracking his knuckles and staring at Spike. Willow stepped in between them again, a glare for them both.

"I'm weak, Spike. I can't do something like that again" Willow told him sadly. She wished she could try it again. But there was no way she could stand it. Spike took her shoulders firmly in his hand, willing the girl to try again, "I'll buy your newts and gnats, just tell me what you need" Spike said, his desperation showing which made all the fight from Xander drain away. He missed her. They all did.

"I can't, Spike. I'm sorry" She whispered, not able to look him in the eye.

He stalked past them, glaring at Buffy. He was angry she had come back and not Saffron. He stormed away, slamming the door on his way out. He got into his car, slamming that door too. As soon as he was in there, hidden by the blackened windows he fell into uncontrollable sobs as he beat up the inside of his car.

_He missed her desperately._


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42:

The ground was wet with dew, the grass a plush green. The only thing with any life in the area. It was so quiet, as if the surroundings were dead to the world. Until, that is, a crunch rang out from below the soil. About six-feet under, to be precise. A hand broke the soft earth, fine powder-like sprinkles landed on her face as she tried to remember how to breathe. The dirt was suffocating, but she persisted. Her other hand broke through, giving anyone that might have been around a glimpse of her black painted fingernails, now chipped from scratching through the wood. But nobody alive was around here. Except her now, of course. She managed to hoist herself up and out of the ground.

She stumbled across the graveyard, tripping over her legs as she got used to putting one foot in front of the other. She made it out of the graveyard, her legs working on autopilot as she navigated her way through the town. She waded through the fresh air, each intake of breath a strange phenomenon as she tried to blink her eyes into focus. The environment around her, although familiar, was a wreckage of what it had been. Fires had been set and many buildings had been broken into but nobody was around. It was a ghost town, her being the only visible ghost in the area.

She tripped and fell, landing on top of a body. She tried to scream, but her voice wasn't used to making noises. She peeled herself from the hard body and looked at the face. Her sight was blurry but she could tell it was her own. Her grey eyes were staring back at her unblinking. She got up quickly, realising Buffy was lying next to her. She moved to Buffy, trying to check a pulse. But there wasn't one. She also realised neither of them had arms or legs. Sparks appeared to be flying from them both. Weird. She frowned, how could she have missed that? She was disturbed by this. She obviously wasn't safe. She carried on walking to a place she knew she could feel safe in.

The scene before her didn't feel real, she felt as if she was walking through a dream. The only trouble was, she didn't know if it was a dream or a nightmare.

She made it to the Magic Box, but it was in a sorry state. She squinted, the glass of the front had been shattered. _Typical,_ she thought. _The tarot corner would be a mess._ The lights were off and nobody was in. It reminded her of many meetings and researching the big bad of the day, how many books had she poured over? How many big bads had she helped stop? She walked on, not feeling safe in the centre of town.

She took a sharp turn, following the side street she had taken many times, walking slowly past Nell's diner. A place she had frequented so often she should have her own revolving door. It wasn't open, must have been the first time in years the 24-hour diner was closed. So much had happened there. It was where she had spoken to Spike for the first time. Felt that connection. How much coffee had she gone through? How many smokes? She didn't know what to make of what she was seeing, it was like torture almost, the places she had once held dear now empty and broken.

She cut through a graveyard, shivering as she thought about where she had woken up from. She saw a figure moving in the shadows, but she didn't stop to chat she just carried on through to her destination. How many times had she tried to fight a vampire here? Taught by Buffy. Or Spike. Trying with the group to make up for Buffy's absences.

Why had she been brought back now? Was she being punished? The painful memories and the hollow reality.

_ **xoxoxo** _

She arrived at Revello Drive._ Home,_ she breathed. She grabbed for the door handle and pushed it down, but it came away in her hands. She stared at it for a while. _Not home._ She looked from the door to the handle in her hand and dropped it. She shoved the door and it broke away from the frame easily. She stepped over it and looked around. It looked so real, a sob almost choked her as she could smell the familiar smell of her house. She walked from room to room but it was empty. No one was around. She was alone again, but in a different scene. She made her way slowly down the steps to her room, still getting used to walking. Her legs were shaky. The room was how she had left it, although her bed wasn't made as it usually would have been. Someone's been in it. Recently. She frowned but made her way to lie flat on her back on top of the bed, boots and all.

"Why am I back here?" She said out loud, "Is this hell? Have I finally made it out?" She rubbed her eyes, crossed her hands over her chest so each hand was holding the opposite shoulder. She closed her eyes tight and waited. She opened one eye and looked around. She sighed, tears welling up in her eyes that she had to blink away, "Is it because I fucked it up? The prophecies, the sight, everything" She choked out. She felt horrible. The guilt was all-consuming as she waited for something or someone to set her alight or something she imagined would happen in hell. She waited in that position for a long time, almost willing something to happen. But nothing did. She was alone with her guilt.

After lying there for what felt like another eternity, she heard something. Hope. Or footsteps having to step over the front door that was now in pieces. She almost jumped out of bed, but her joints were stiff from all the lying down she'd been doing. She went as fast as she could to the door, trying to squash the hope from her heart as she heard voices she recognised.

"Dawny! Buffy!" She screamed, it came out croaky but it was definitely her voice. She ran and launched herself at the pair. She eventually let them go after complaints of hugging too tight, even by Buffy. Dawn turned to see her cousin. She grinned and left Buffy's side to go and launch herself at Saff once again. The pair hugged and cried for a long time as Buffy stared through them. Saff walked to Buffy and hugged her again as well and she went through the motions of returning the hug, _"We're back"_ Saff whispered. It was for herself as well, confirming that this was real. Not another burning landscape of hell to wade through.

Dawn excitedly spoke to her cousin, reaching into her pocket to pass her the tarot cards the younger brunette hadn't been without since her death. Saff looked at them and then at Dawn's face, shaking her head. She explained to Dawn that she deserved them, they were hers now. Her mum had passed them to her and so she was passing them to Dawn. She still had another pack that Willow had bought her two years ago anyway she explained hurriedly when she felt that Dawn was concerned she wasn't going to be like she was before she had died.

She was pulled to the living room and sat down, hearing all about the ritual and what happened with Buffy. Dawn was an animated storyteller and both newly-alive girls were struggling to keep up. The only difference is that Saff was happy to hear it. To have to catch up. Buffy wasn't. Saff had noticed this, sneaking side-glances at her cousin to check on her. The dying had been rough, but they were back. _Why did she look like she wanted to dig herself a hole and get back in?_

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saffron had just stepped out of the shower. The steaming water had never felt so good. To feel again, to let the water wash away her fear from the past few months. She didn't think, she just focused on living. She enjoyed the flush of her skin because of the hot water, the noise of the water hitting the shower floor. The grime from her body streamed down the plughole, her hair back to its usual colour. She couldn't help smiling at the feeling. She was alive. She had changed into her usual clothing, jeans and a t-shirt. Her combat boots back on her feet as she started to brush her wet hair. She descended the stairs, fastening her large silver hoops into her ear, hearing chatter from below. She turned into the living room, face to face with her life again. It felt like a movie, the picture was so clear.

"Saff?" Willow said, her eyes wide. Tara, Xander and Anya turned to face her.

"Hi" She beamed at the room, giving them a wave. They all rushed up to her and took it in turns to hug her tight. She seemed in a better mood than Buffy about the whole being alive again thing.

"Uh, what happened to the door?" Tara asked her, gesturing towards the door-shaped hole that they had all just entered through.

"Think Xander's been replacing our furniture with that cheap shit again" Saff shrugged as Xander started to protest.

"That was the best wood $40 could buy!" He said as Saff raised an eyebrow the way she always would, "right, I'll get on it" Xander confirmed, off to find some sturdier wood from somewhere. He ran back to hug Saff again before getting on with his job.

"So, how is it? Being back?" Willow asked, hoping for more than Buffy gave her.

"New" Saff said, honestly. She was still getting used to it, but she couldn't deny she was pleased. Ecstatic even. "It was you wasn't it?"

"Well, everyone was involved" Willow said modestly and Saff pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, not hearing Willow's complaint as she squeezed tighter.

"Thanks, I think you saved me" She whispered and pulled away. She looked confused as Willow hugged her side, wincing. She didn't have time to ask, because she heard Spike and Xander squabbling as Spike stepped over the threshold past Xander who was trying to salvage the door. Spike sauntered in, ignoring the others and looking for Dawn. But he came face to face with the one person he couldn't have even dreamt it to be. His eyes widened and he stared in awe. A small gasp from his mouth. Could it be?

"Is it you?" He asked quietly, not daring to hope. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she nodded. They stared at each other from across the room. Neither daring to move, in case the image in front of them would disappear at any sudden movement.

"Ok, the door handle was definitely not cheap! How in Zeus' name did that come off-" Xander walked in complaining, holding the handle up as evidence before stopping dead, "Am I, uh, interrupting?" Xander asked looking between the pair who hadn't stopped staring at each other wordlessly.

"Yeah you are" Spike snapped.

"The door handle came away in my hand, I wouldn't call it the height of strength" She explained lightly, never looking away from Spike's face as the others looked at her with frowns. But they all left to help Xander to give the pair privacy. He took her hand in his, his eyes almost watering in disbelief as he guided her to sit opposite him.

"Your hands…"

"I, uh, had more than one fight with a pile of splinters tonight" She smiled. He nodded, knowing exactly what she had to do. He left to get some supplies to tend to her wounds. On his way past he realised that the door was not weak as Saffron had insisted. The others, except Buffy, were taking it in turns to karate chop pieces of wood, with no success. Spike quickly returned to sit opposite Saff, not wanting to leave her side for long in case she vanished again. He started to clear the scraped and bloody knuckles that she had barely realised she had. She had been too focused on the feeling of the water on her skin. She noticed Spike looked up every so often, checking it was still her, "How long was I dead for?" she asked finally.

"148 days yesterday, uh, 149 today. Except today doesn't count does it?" Spike stopped cleaning, looking into her eyes. He held her hands in his, "How long was it for you? Where you were?"

"The longest" She shrugged, "I missed you so fucking much" She whispered as he moved to continue to tend to her hands. He nodded, looking back at her hands. _Her hands._

"It's been a nightmare without you, and not the good kind" He murmured, concentrating on her hands. He finally finished, looking back up at her to find her cheeks were tear stained. He frowned, tenderly soothing her by rubbing his hand up her arm, "Love, you're back. What is it? Was it hell?"

"It's happy tears" she answered truthfully, "I-I never thought I'd get to be here, like this again" She said softly, gesturing with her head to his soft touch. He could feel it now, the way she was feeling. She was letting him. He nodded his understanding, but never let himself move from holding her arm in some way.

A loud bang ricocheted around the room and Saff jumped, squeezing Spike's hand tightly. She tried to scream, but no sound came from her mouth. She was glad, she would have been embarrassed if they had heard her screaming over what appeared to just be Xander moving flat wood to make a makeshift door until he could get them a proper one. She wasn't used to loud noises. Xander sent an apologetic glance to everyone before carrying on boarding the door for them for the night.

"_Ow_, bloody hell!" He muttered, peeling her fingers away and loosening her grip from his hand slightly. He winced, shaking his hand and checking for broken bones before returning his hand to hers. He couldn't face a lack of contact. Not even now. She said sorry, moving the back of his hand up to her lips and leaving a light kiss there. He closed his eyes. He never thought he'd feel her soft lips again. Even if she was kissing his hand better after almost crushing it beyond repair. He looked at her, then. Really looked at her, a frown set on his face. He was in deep thought. When Saff looked back up to him, his expression made her grin back at him.

"Did your mother ever tell you that when the wind changed your face would stick like that?" Saff asked, teasing him lightly. Something he had once said to her, a lifetime ago. She remembered it all so clearly, as did he. But the memories had been too painful to think about willingly for so long that it took him off guard, his frown still set on his face as he searched her smiling face.

"Honeysuckle, have you got something you might want to be telling me? About the death?"

"I, uh, don't think so. Nothing special, you've been dead, you know the drill" She shrugged, not knowing what he was getting at.

"Do you feel any… different?"

"Kind of hungry, I guess" She said slowly, a frown matching his now. She was confused, she still wasn't convinced she was finally back. He sighed, using his whole body as he moved his hand from hers and stepped back a pace.

"Take a shot" He challenged her, beckoning her with his hands.

"Spike, I'm all weak and reborn! My hands are in shreds" She gestured to the newly bandaged knuckles he had just carefully applied for her.

"That, wasn't weak" He gestured at the door and giving her a look, "And I wager you can handle it, if I'm right"

"Right about what? Spike I'm tired, the hole in the ground wasn't exactly the five-star holiday destination I was expecting"

"You've been lying there for months, how much more sodding sleep do you need? You're pretty enough already" He shrugged. _Good save._ He beckoned her towards him again with both hands, willing her to take the challenge.

"Hold your hand out. I can't punch you for real!" She said, nervously. He was staring that stare again. She was using all her strength to stop her legs turning to jelly. She told herself it was the newly alive thing, but she definitely only felt it when his gaze was directed her way. _God, I've missed that look._ She sighed and took a swing at his waiting hand. He caught it, but not without a struggle.

"I bloody well knew it!" Spike exclaimed, taking the attention of the rest of the group who were now filing back into the room. Saff shook her hand, the pain wasn't so bad but it felt strange.

"What's this?"

"She's got super strength! Big fuck-off slayer's strength!" He beamed, "You can hang up your stake" he added to Buffy.

"That would actually explain the door"

"Yeah, none of us can even make a dent in the wood"

"Not even with your strong, masculine hands Xand?" Saff teased.

"You're really strong. This must mean something, Saff. Maybe there's another Chosen one?"

"I can't be-I don't want to-" Saff tripped over her words as they all looked at her expectantly. She didn't know how to explain but let out a big sigh. She was so sick of everything being thrown at her.

"It's okay to be scared" Willow said softly.

"I'm not-" Saff started, but she was cut off. By Buffy.

"She's irritated... and kinda hungry"

"That's… exactly how I'm feeling" Saff looked at Buffy, her eyebrows furrowed in thought. The others moved the conversation along, clearly in the mood to celebrate. They were so excited about the girls being back they forgot about the strength and Buffy's outburst. She gestured to Buffy to come with her. She wasn't taking no as an answer and Buffy reluctantly followed her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They were in the kitchen, Saff had shoved some grated cheese into her mouth as she grabbed them both a bottle of water, chucking one at Buffy. Buffy caught it without a problem. _Her reflexes aren't dead then._ Saff checked the back of the cupboard and a smile curled onto her lips. She brandished a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from behind the tins and walked out of the kitchen door, with a reluctant Buffy in tow. Saffron lit up her cigarette, it all seemed so real. Her lungs were breathing in the smoke as if they had never stopped. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of being alive. The night was cold, but it didn't phase either of them. Their bodies had been in colder, darker conditions. Saff finally turned to her older cousin, smiling slightly as Buffy looked as if she was trying to hold her breath so she wasn't breathing in the stale smoke.

"Are you… can you feel it?" Saff asked, not sure where to start.

"The connection? Yuh huh" Buffy said quietly, not looking at her cousin. She instead stared into the night.

"Scary, isn't it?"

"You're not scared, Saff" Buffy replied. Buffy noticed she could now tell what Saffron was feeling. With scary accuracy.

"I know. I'm worried about you, though"

"I know"

"So what are we thinking? Basic power transfer? Can you tell when I'm lying?" Saff asked, thinking about what could have possibly happened. _Trust the powers to get them confused when they got brought back_, she thought.

"Try me" Buffy said, almost a smile on her face as she spoke. Saff thought for a moment, flicking some ash to the ground as she tried to access memories that seemed to be from another lifetime. She finally remembered something she knew Buffy wouldn't know.

"When I first came to Sunnydale I used to steal Dawn's pocket money to put in the slot machines at the arcade. True or false?"

"It's um, it's… I have no clue" Buffy gave up, trying to guess by Saff's facial expression, "How am I supposed to know?"

"It's this feeling, when someone's being honest... you just know. Hard to describe, it's like a big bell that goes off inside your head saying something's a lie" Saffron said slowly. She figured that the pair had transferred a small amount of each of their powers.

"So I'm feeling what other people feel, thanks to you, and you're stronger thanks to me" Buffy said aloud, echoing her thought.

"Yep, upside is we won't have to give each other birthday or Christmas presents ever again"

"We should figure out why it's happened, maybe read up on-"

"It won't be in any books, Buff. I messed up, that's why. It wasn't supposed to happen like this"

"You didn't mess up"

"You saw the-"

"You didn't" Buffy said, the most convincing thing she had said since being alive again. She meant it too. Saff pretended she didn't, but she blamed herself for a lot of things she didn't need to. Buffy hugged her younger cousin, holding her head trying to comfort her they way she had so many times for her.

As Saff and Buffy moved from their hug, both their eyes filling with water, they heard the kitchen door open and close and a familiar bleach blonde figure slipped out. Buffy decided they needed time alone and backed away slightly. Spike had quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his cheek against the side of her head, inhaling that familiar lavender scent. He sighed, the happiest he had felt in a long time. He never wanted to let her go, and she hoped he wouldn't. She moved her fingers behind her, to his lips, offering the cigarette. He inhaled as she held the filter, still not moving from their embrace. Buffy was at the door now, about to give them much needed privacy, but a thought popped into her head.

"Which was it?" She asked, one foot in the door.

"Huh?" Saff asked, turning her head slightly as Spike did the same.

"True or false?"

"Oh, 100% true. But I've made it up to her a million times over with all that ice cream she eats" Saff smiled, taking the cigarette back from Spike again and inhaling herself. Spike looked confused but smiled once she started to explain. His arms wrapped around her tighter and they stayed like that, staring into the night and holding onto each other for as long as Saff could stand the cold. They never wanted to be apart again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you with no Saffron (and Spike being so sad, poor Spike) so there you go! Two chapters in one day, don't say I don't spoil you! Did you guess Buffy and Saff would give each other some of their powers? Stay tuned for more xoxo


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43:

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Saffron woke to the sound, that and a strong emotion of irritation from next to her. Spike was already awake, staring in the direction of the noise. Spike had basically moved in since she came back, and nobody in the house had mentioned anything. They knew they needed to be together. Spike was holding her to him in a vice-like grip. His arms locked around her possessively as if he was expecting her to be taken from him any moment. He sighed, the vibration moving through her as she slowly woke up. He was getting more and more annoyed. She could feel it. She groaned, pulling the covers over her head and settling into the crook of Spike's neck. She landed a single kiss there before settling and trying to fall back asleep. She didn't want to deal with whatever it was. This seemed to pull him out of this annoyance, replacing a feeling of love and contentment as he looked at her sleeping form instead.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Spike sighed loud, pulling the sheets back and striding over to the noise. It was the pipes, there was some kind of leak. He took a tool-shaped object and hit the pipe with it, seeing if that would do anything. No luck. He threw the tool to the ground in anger. Saff leaned on her side, opening her eyes a fraction to get a better look at her man. She sighed, getting distracted by enjoying the way breathing felt. She watched him stand and glare at the pipe for a moment before interrupting the stand-off.

"Babe, please come back to bed…" Saffron whispered sleepily, she threw back the duvet on his side of the bed and patted it slowly. She was doing as little actions as possible so she could fall straight back asleep when he gave up.

"I can't relax with that stupid bloody noise! You think it's annoying? Imagine having vamp hearing" He gestured wildly at his ear and then at the pipe as she rubbed the mattress to try to wordlessly entice him back into bed. When that didn't work, she decided she wasn't too proud to plead with him.

"Please… I'm all cold and alive again and I need to be hugged" She said, a sleepy pout on her lips. He scanned over her. It was really her. Her bed head that he found adorable. Her beautifully morbid face, only made more beautiful with the curve of her lips in a smile. The smile she saved for him when they were alone like this. He stood, gazing softly at her, taking in every inch of her beauty, every flaw. He loved all of it. He had missed this beyond words. How could he deny her a moment like this?

Spike had made a show of rolling his eyes as she continued to pout, secretly enjoying how needy she was when she was sleepy. He caved and strided back over to her and slid into bed beside her, pulling her close to him. The pout merging into a smug smile as she got her way. She sighed happily, inhaling his scent as he kissed the top of her head distractedly. He was still staring towards the leak in the pipe, as if he could intimidate it into stopping.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

"Right! That's bloody it! I can't stand it! Bloody do something would you?!" He said, sitting them both up in bed. Saff sighed, frustrated. She just wanted to spend the day in bed with Spike. They had missed too many lazy Sunday mornings in her absence. She just wanted to cuddle and she knew he did too, but he was too easily irritated.

"You're the man, aren't you? Shouldn't you know what to do?" She asked, looking up to him with a smile. She batted her eyelashes as if implying she was a delicate woman who wouldn't know such things.

"Oh the double-standards is it? Back to the good old fashioned gender roles when it suits you, love" Spike said, waiting for her to get up. Truth was, hitting it with a big object was both his plan A and plan B. He hadn't had much cause to do plumbing in the places he usually stayed.

"Fine. I've got a secret weapon, but you're not gonna like it" Saff sighed, wrapping herself in a blanket and padding up the stairs to get her 'weapon'. She came back down moments later, a tool box in her hand and a tired looking slayer in tow. Buffy found the leak and tightened the pipe as best she could with her Slayer strength. Dawn came down to see what was going on, she offered to call a plumber but Saff and Buffy said no. Spike rolled his eyes, lying back in the bed and watching.

"There!" Buffy said happily and Saff thanked Buffy pointedly, shooting Spike a look. Suddenly all of the pipes burst, sending water shooting out of seemingly every wall. Dawn scrambled up the stairs and Saffron started to scream as Buffy stared at the pipe she had just fixed.

"Bloody hell!" Spike jumped out of bed and grabbed his duster, making sure it was saved from any water damage.

"Fuck sake, Buff!" She shouted, grabbing as much of her stuff as she could carry, "I'm living in the fucking paddling pool from hell – we should know" she grumbled as everyone took what they could from Saff's room to save it from getting damaged.

The Scoobies were gathered in the living room. Saff had shut all of the curtains so her vampire could join the rest of the group in the misery. They were broke. Saff and Buffy were buried under piles of bills, with no way to pay them off. Saff read through as many as she could handle, but it just made her more worried.

"But we haven't spent any money. We've been all dead and frugal" Buffy complained, looking at the cheque book. They explained about the life insurance and the medical costs. _Lousy healthcare system,_ Saff sighed. She could feel Buff wasn't happy. She wasn't feeling right, she was too calm. Saff kept glancing at her cousin, unsure what to make of her attitude. She sat next to Spike as the Scoobies explained about the cost of running the house being the main problem. Spike moved his hand and rested it on her thigh, squeezing slightly to comfort her. She was frowning, deep in thought.

"So what do we do?"

"Easy! We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance!" Buffy said happily. Saff smirked, she could tell Buffy was joking. Spike's eyes lit up too, he was liking the new and improved slayer.

"Good idea, Buff! We'll get the gas cans, you collect the valuables" Saff said happily as the rest of the room stared in horror at the pair. Except Spike who smirked at her. He really loved this woman.

"Plus, fire – pretty"

"Yeah and we could toast marshmallows on the flames!" Saff added excitedly. The rest of the room was shocked into silence. Buffy explained they were kidding after the others continued to stare blankly. She then turned to explain she wished it was the end of the world, because they could all deal with that easier.

"I'll take care of this. I promise"

"We both will" Saff added, "I'll pick up double shifts at the magic box and I'll do readings in my spare time" Saffron assured Buffy, who seemed to be at a loss despite her promise.

"You don't have to do that, Saff"

"I want to, besides, we can't have you charging for the slaying can we?"

"Oh, that was going to be my next suggestion!" Anya said, frowning. This turned into an argument between the others, resulting in Anya storming off and Xander hurriedly following her. There was something going on there, Saff decided. But she would ask another time. Right now, she needed to nick the rota from the magic box and write herself down for every shift she could manage.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Nell's Diner hadn't changed since Saff had last been inside. It was the same down to the cobwebs in the corner of the ceiling that none of the staff could reach to clean. She looked around at the intimate booths and the people having dates and chatting to friends. She sat, her pack of cards in one hand and a lit cigarette between her black painted fingernails in the other. Smoke swirled around her as she realised how eerie it felt to see life going on as if nothing had happened. It was so weird to be living again. She was walking, talking, breathing, even smoking when she thought she would never be able to again. The whir of the coffee machine made her jump and she coughed as she inhaled while she was distracted, trying to stop the thick smoke from suffocating her. She managed to stop coughing and recovered, her dignity just about intact. She looked at her cigarette, shrugged and put the filter back up to her lips.

A man came over to her then, a flyer in his hand as he sat in front of her. He had thick black hair that he seemed to take a lot of care on and honey-coloured brown eyes that seemed to bore into her as he sat. He appeared to be studying her as she stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray the kind elderly lady, Martha as it stated on her nametag, that worked in the diner offered her when she sat down with her coffee. She had gotten to know Martha over the years and sensed that she had noticed her absence. She started to shuffle, making her introductions.

"I'm Saffron" she smiled at the man. She was pleased her fliers had already attracted attention, it read that her services were on sale, to attract more business.

"Ned"

"Nice to meet you, Ned. Do you have anything specific to ask the cards?"

"Will I ever overcome my fear of ghosts?" He asked, and Saffron could tell that he was deadly serious. She stopped shuffling and stared at him, "Look, I know what you're thinking, they're not real and this isn't a bad horror flick but I've always had this fear and I'm trying to get over it, dude, but it's hard. So, I wanted to know"

"Ok"

"What? Ok? You're not gonna ask why? Or tell me to get the fuck outta here?"

"I'm here for my $5 and to give you a fortune. I'll do you a future reading and we'll see if we can get any spirits to formally agree to leaving you alone for the foreseeable"

"Alright, dude, if you could do that that'd be awesome" He said. She let him off calling her dude, hoping it was just the way he spoke and not a hint that she had come back to the land of the living as a boy and nobody had told her.

"And, I don't know if you're religious, but try a chain with a cross on it" She suggested, at least then he could avoid vampires. He reached under the top of his shirt to reveal he was already wearing one. She nodded and smiled, offering him the pack to split. She took the top card and placed it face up in front of him.

"The four of wands" She said, staring at the card. She waited. The voice didn't start in her head. Where was the voice? She blinked, tried to focus. She knew that it meant celebration… or was it the opposite? She sighed, frustrated with herself as the guy waited for her to speak. _Give me a break, I've been dead,_ she thought to herself. _I've been dead._ She couldn't hear the voice anymore. It must have died with her. _Shit._ She looked back up at the guy that had been patiently waiting, clearly thinking this was part of the process, "Uh, yeah, you're gonna get over your fear. There'll be a big… celebration in your near future" she smiled, hoping he would leave soon so she could spiral in peace. He finally left, waving as he went, and she exhaled the breath she hadn't realised she was holding in.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Hello? Where are you?_

She was scared. The voice had always been her own, but she knew it was connected to some higher place. Had they left her? Given up on her? She hadn't even had chance to face her real destiny yet, she'd been so caught up in Dawn's and the three. And now what? She didn't even have the handy voice to help her figure out what was coming?

_Fucking idiot! What did you think getting yourself dead would do? Release the rainbows and puppies?_ She told herself. She'd been an idiot. A wave of guilt flooded over her again as she sat there, the card still in front of her. She put her head in her hands and sighed, deciding to light up another cigarette.

"Hey there, how's business tonight?" Martha, the elderly waitress, asked as she walked to Saff's booth. She had always taken pity on the girl and let her do readings as long as the manager wasn't in. She sighed, Buffy hadn't had any luck getting a loan so this was the best she could do for money.

"You know… slow" She said, gesturing to her lack of customers as she lit up her cigarette. She had been chain smoking since she had awoken from the dead. _What? I'm gonna die if I carry on? Already given that a go._ Martha looked at the girl, Saffron could feel she felt sorry for her, and she saw a lot of herself in Saff.

"Uh huh, I think it's that dang opossum scaring people away again"

"Aw, Pauley's back again?" Saff asked, taking another drag of her cigarette and extending her neck to check outside the window to see if she could catch a glimpse of the animal. Martha chuckled at the girl as she offered her more coffee. Saffron put her hand over her mug though, shaking her head. "Best not, babe. I need to find a way of making more money and fast, so unless you'd like a reading…" She said, grabbing all her stuff and chucking it in her bag and getting up, she only paused when Martha spoke again.

"I'll do you one better. A job" Martha offered, smiling at the girl, "It's not the best pay, but it's steady. I think you need a bit of stability in your life, hon"

"Really? You're offering me a job?" Saff asked. _Just like that? How fortunate._

"Mhm, Janelle left to have her baby, so job's yours if you like. Just tell the manager I interviewed you first"

"Do I get a _sweet_ pastel uniform like yours?" She asked, only a little sarcastic as she smiled down at her dark clothes. Martha nodded. She could handle pastels if it meant helping the house stay afloat.

"It's the night shift, but I don't think I've ever seen you in daylight anyway"

"Perfect!" She said enthusiastically, it worked well as she could work part of the day in the Magic box before she started here. She hugged Martha before she left then ran back home, satisfied now she had more income for the house.

When she arrived back at Revello, she told Buffy and Dawn excitedly about her job and her plan to pick up as many of the shifts at the magic box she could. Buffy told her again that she didn't have to, but Saff assured her she wanted to. It was the least she could do. _Might as well make the most of living again by getting myself stuck into not one, but two dead-end jobs_. Dawn said goodnight as Willow and Tara went to the Bronze for the evening and Buffy went on patrol. She walked to her make-shift room in the living room, where they had managed to salvage as much as they could in boxes. She took a cd out, checking it for water damage before putting it back into the box. She was alone again. She turned the lights off downstairs before collapsing into tears on the sofa.

She was back, she was so grateful to be back. But everything was so full-on she was struggling to feel like herself. Not to mention the guilty feeling she couldn't seem to escape.

"Saff?" She jumped, not realising there was someone there, "Love, what is it? You're back now" Spike's voice came through the darkness again. She felt the sofa go in next to her, realising he must be sat with her now. Her hands were still covering her crying eyes as she continued to sob. She felt his hand on her shoulder. He squeezed it, rubbing in a slow, comforting motion.

"It's a lot. Almost too much. Living. It's so fast, blink and you miss so much" She explained through her breath hitching from the sobs, "I wouldn't want to be dead again, it's just… a lot to catch up on you know?"

"Better than hell though, I wager" He said, still comforting her. He pulled her into him and she reached to loop her arms around him, clinging to his shirt.

"It wasn't hell" She said, managing to curtail her sobs, leaning into his touch further. _God, she had missed his touch._ She moved her hands from her face to look at him.

"Then where?"

"I was in-between. It was as if I was just lying there in the ground, listening to the grass growing. The people walking over me. All the while it was just… black. I could feel myself rotting" She choked out. His jaw tensed, he was mad. Mad that this had happened to her. That the powers were set on hurting her, wearing her down. He felt protective of her in a way he couldn't describe, it was almost primal. He was quiet for a moment as her crying slowly stopped. He managed to curb his temper at the powers, pushing it down as he tried to be supportive for her. He could tell she needed it right now, he could feel everything she felt as she felt what he did.

"Sounds like hell" He finally replied.

"But it wasn't. I was waiting. I don't think my soul ever left my body. I couldn't see, couldn't feel. Couldn't breathe. But I could hear life carrying on. I could hear the dead calling, but I couldn't get to them" A new wave of sobs wracked her body again and Spike's strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer. She could feel his worry and anger as if it was hers. She couldn't stop the tears that were falling, but she managed to explain further, "I was so lost. When I came back, I thought I was finally in hell… and then there you were"

"And you gained super-strength to boot. The luck you have is insufferable" Spike joked, trying to help her through humour the way she had always tried for him. He could see through the dark a slight smile, but she whispered, "I don't feel lucky"

"I know, pet" He replied softly. Spike pulled her into his side, lying himself (and her) sideways on the sofa so that she was laying on top of him. The couch was her makeshift bed until they sorted her room. He pulled blankets around her but tonight he would be her pillow. She was laying flat against him, wrapping herself around him. They lay there, both aware that the other was awake but they were slowly getting used to feeling the other so intimately again. It was nice. They lay together for a long time before Spike spoke again, "Promise me something?"

"Anything" She whispered softly. She would promise him the world.

"Don't leave again" He said pleadingly, stroking her back while he observed the top of her head. He wouldn't be able to sleep, he'd be watching over her instead.

"I won't. Promise" She replied through a yawn. She settled her head back on his chest as his hand continued to stroke her back. He could feel her heartbeat on his chest. It was good, knowing she was alive and close to him again.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike was sat with the Scoobies in a dark corner as Saffron spoke to a customer. He was watching her intently, he couldn't leave her side for the moment, no matter how tired he was considering it was the middle of the day. His eye, no matter what was going on in the room, was always on her. Making sure she was okay. Nothing was going to happen to her again as long as he was around, he vowed to himself.

The front bell rang and Giles entered the store, his eyes widening as he saw both Saffron and Buffy before him as if they had never gone. He hadn't allowed himself to believe it at first. Buffy walked up to Giles, staring and smiling before hugging slowly. Saffron was still ringing up a customer but as soon as she was done she ran at Giles, launching herself at him and almost knocking them both to the floor when they hugged. She could feel he was as ecstatic as she was to be able to see each other.

They went and sat around the table, catching up and talking. Saffron stood behind where Spike was sat on the chair, looping her arms around his neck and whispering how much she had missed him despite them being in the same room for the majority of the day. He moved his hands up her arms softly, rubbing her arms and enjoying the contact. The pair listened as Giles started to speak, he had done some reading on the plane. Giles explained that it was in fact a small power transfer. Buffy had Slayer strength still, but now could feel others emotions and Saff had her empath abilities (well, most of them) but was now stronger than human.

Saffron sat down beside spike, he held her thigh firmly in his hand, squeezing slightly every now and again as the old man spoke. His eye didn't leave her form, he was so pleased she was here. He had felt so empty. So alone without her. She was everything to him. Just sitting next to her made having to sit and endure Giles droning on about something that could be summed up in a sentence worth it.

"Well, it does appear that you have indeed transferred certain aspects of your power to each other during the, ah…" Giles didn't know how to phrase what had happened to them in a stuffy English way.

_"Death?"_ Buffy and Saffron offered at the same time. Giles nodded, cleaning his glasses.

"When you both sacrificed yourselves, you drew on each other's defining traits, becoming both the sacrifice and the protector. This power has transferred for a reason. You would both do well to study your newfound gifts" Giles explained as Saff shifted uncomfortably.

"Why don't I get any cool powers?!" Dawn whined, looking up from her homework. Giles turned to Buffy, ignoring Dawn's outburst.

"Buffy, you appear to know what people are feeling. You will need to read up on intuition, this could help you with slaying. Being one with the enemy, that kind of thing" Giles explained. Saffron walked and squeezed Dawn's shoulders to comfort the girl, shaking her head. _She could have her powers if she wanted them._ Saff then sent some focus to Dawn, sending her back to her school work rather than worrying about being a superhuman before moving back to her place next to Spike.

"May I recommend _Empath! Weekly?_ Very informative read, great horoscope section" Saffron suggested, smiling at her cousin as Giles started looking through different books to give to Buffy. She had a stack of magazines at home that she had managed to save from her basement from while she was dead. She was excited to catch up on them.

"I was, ah, perhaps thinking something more comprehensive. Perhaps the chapter on the Empath Wars for a deeper understanding?" Giles asked, turning to look for it on the shelf. Saffron turned to her cousin, eyes wide and shaking her head to warn her about the book. She wouldn't inflict that chapter on her worst enemy, it was death by boredom at best.

"And Saffron, you have strength, but you are not a Slayer, you will need to train everyday from now on. It will also be imperative that you study the prophecies, or what is left of them, each day as well. We need you both prepared for what is to come"

They were all sat around the table the next day researching the demon Buffy had run into at the bank. Buffy had tried to get them a loan, she had been worried about Saffron planning to work so much. Rather than taking anything from the bank as it first appeared, as soon as the demon had seen her she knew she had been the intended target. Spike and Saffron were huddled in a darker corner, pretending to read and instead whispering together. Saff had her leg draped over Spike's lap as he rubbed circles into her thigh softly.

"Is this your guy?" Dawn asked holding up a picture in a book she had been reading. Buffy still couldn't get over that Dawn did research now but she nodded, confirming it was a m'fashnik demon. They all quickly started to research the best way for Buffy to slay it. Saffron slipped to properly sit on Spike's lap, holding the book open for them both to read. He held her waist firmly against him, his face close enough that he could smell her hair as she sank into his touch.

"You know, Buff, these things don't speak English…" Saff sighed as Spike nodded to her that he had finished reading the page. She flipped it over, as he started reading from the book she was still holding in his line of vision. Saffron wasn't so much reading anymore as Buffy explained what had happened again.

"Well, this one did. It was as if it was being ordered around, speaking from a script"

"Who knew demons were one with the amateur dramatics" Xander joked.

"Something demon-y this way comes"

"It said I was an obstacle that would be overcome, a traitor to life's vision" Buffy continued, staring into the distance as she spoke.

"That _is_ an unusual thing to say"

"Life's vision… the vision of life"

"Who knew demons could be so philosophical" Saffron mused.

"Yeah the bugger wants to do less talking and more fighting" Spike added, as if he was an expert on the matter.

"Like you did, naturally" Giles deadpanned, thinking back to how Spike enjoyed taunting them more than killing them it seemed when he first arrived. Spike looked over to Giles to glare at him, but the older man wasn't looking. He was watching Willow, frowning slightly whilst appearing to be deep in thought. Saffron could sense that something was amiss between them but didn't want to draw attention from the rest of the group.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff had relaxed only slightly since Buffy had slayed the demon that had been after her. Her cousin seemed to be doing okay, from what she could feel from her anyway, although none of them knew why the m'fashnik demon was able to speak. Buffy had decided she needed to visit Angel in L.A and Saff didn't blame her, she would do the same if it was her and Spike. Saff started pouring the liquid into the mug. She sniffed it before she presented it in front of Spike excitedly, waiting for him to take a sip. He looked from the mug to her, an eyebrow raised. But he sighed, resigned to it. For her. He took a sip and swallowed it and nodded, putting the mug down. He turned back to the tv without a word.

"Well?" She prompted when he didn't say anything. She was practically buzzing, waiting for his comment on the taste.

"It's coffee love, it tasted the same as the last five cups"

"No Spike! I added cinnamon to the last one and a different type of coffee the time before!" She explained quickly, the large amount of caffeine she had ingested herself now becoming apparent, "I think you're going to love the next one!" She added, excitedly turning back to the counter and started to prepare yet another cup. Spike stared at her and then at the mugs littering the table and decided he needed to say something. If his heart could beat, it would be rapidly beating out of his chest.

"If I try one more bloody cup I'll be up all night" He muttered, resting his head back on the sofa so he good watch her prepare another cup, he couldn't help smiling at his girl. She was setting up the filter and finding various things to make it taste _even_ better. She was practically vibrating around the room, grabbing different ingredients, looking back to smile at him every so often. She was really back, as enthusiastic as ever. He loved it when she was like this, he found it cute. But he wouldn't dare tell her or he'd be sleeping on the couch.

"You sleep in the day, babe" She grinned, it felt so good to be with him again. Being in solitary for that long _did_ feel like hell. She thanked her lucky stars she was back here by his side. To see his familiar blonde hair, the loving gaze and his humour. The crypt was so real, it smelt of cigarette smoke and that Spike smell that made her grin from ear to ear. It was their place. A place they could call home. It was him.

"Same difference" He shrugged, not moving his eyes from her as she practically skipped around the tiny space she had set up to practice her coffee-making skills. She had fashioned an apron out of a hoodie tied around her waist and had a pencil behind her ear, to _'get into her new role'_ as she put it.

"I just want to get it right!"

"It's coffee. Diner coffee. Nobody's expecting it to be good"

"Well, maybe I want mine to be the best damn diner coffee in the state. Ever think about that?"

"Honeysuckle, you'll do fine" He assured her, knowing she was nervous about her new job.

"Of course I will, I was born to make the best coffee, I can feel it in my bones!" She smiled, Saffron was big on the fake-it-until-you-make-it and it always seemed to work for her.

She started to clear the coffee cups from the table as her face dropped slightly. She was beyond nervous about waitressing at the diner and Spike was one of the only people that could instantly see through her act. She wanted to do well, she couldn't get fired from this job. She really needed it. She was thinking about her family, about Buffy. Something wasn't right and she wasn't sure how to talk to her about it. As she was distracted, she hadn't realised she had squeezed the mugs in her hands too tight, a smashing sound rang through the room as the porcelain cracked into pieces and fell to the floor. _Fucking annoying super strength._ This brought Spike's attention back to her.

He jumped up, swiftly ushering her to sit back on the sofa, feeling her annoyance at herself and knowing something like this could set off the crying, especially since she had come back from the dead. He'd never seen her so emotional (and that was saying something) and he really hated seeing her cry. He cleared the sharp porcelain, thinking up ways to distract her. He returned to her, he had picked up some more rental flicks and decided to put them to good use. He suggested they could make a drinking game out of the romcoms, to save them from getting bored, with Saffron drinking pop instead of alcohol. Her eyes lit up at the idea and Spike made the rules, such as taking a shot when the lead was a snivelling prat or when the couple kissed in the rain. They played it well into the night and it cheered Saffron up to no end.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44:

They were having a family dinner. It was strange, this table hadn't been used in a really long time and Saffron had cleared a thick layer of dust from the top of it before she set the table. Giles had decided everyone needed a proper home-cooked meal, he had been looking after Dawn over the weekend as Buffy had been away to visit Angel. Willow and Tara were making polite conversation, thinking that nobody could see them playing footsie under the table and Dawn was animatedly telling Spike and Saff about the latest drama at school which ended with the girl that had been picking on Dawn having someone's lunch dumped down her brand new white blouse. Spike and Saff laughed with glee at Dawn's story, Spike because he had paid for it to happen and Saff because she enjoyed Dawn's storytelling and was pleased to be alive to hear it. Spike was holding Saff's hand and they happily rested their entwined hands on the table. Giles kept eyeing them, but he didn't have the heart to say anything. It would only please Spike and upset Saffron if he did. Besides, he could see their love for each other, he would have to be blind not to. Spike was sipping from a mug of blood, having finished his human food and Saffron was gazing up at him softly.

The front door went but Saffron and Spike didn't notice until Buffy had walked into the room and set the bucket of chicken down in front of them. Saffron had noticed some stray blood from the corner of his mouth and had gently wiped it away with her thumb. The pair could barely leave each other's side and it was hard for the others to imagine one without the other.

"We uh, kinda already ate…" Dawn said as Buffy's face dropped. She had brought them food but they were all eating like a family.

"I don't know anybody else but I would love some chicken" Tara said kindly as everyone started to nod.

"I won't have any" Saff shrugged and nobody was surprised, then a thud could be heard under the table before she spoke again, "_Ow!_ Spike can have my piece" before she shot him a look.

"What? You're all super-strength ain't you love?" he shrugged with a smirk, grabbing some chicken from the bucket but she couldn't bring herself from him despite the meat he was happily biting into. She leaned against him as Buffy sat down at the table, picking at her chicken.

The others asked about what seeing Angel was like as Spike muttered some choice words about the vampire, making Saffron giggle softly. The pair were in their own world as Buffy explained she didn't really want to discuss what had happened with the rest of them. Saff could feel a mix of emotions around the room, but mostly she could feel Spike's loving gaze that she all too happily matched.

"Buffy, um, there was... some discussion in, uh, your absence a-about, um... w-what you're gonna do now…"

"Yeah they kept bugging me about my future too, you're lucky you were in L.A" Saffron rolled her eyes as Spike stroked her cheek with the back of his hand as she spoke, bringing her attention back to him instead. Buffy watched the pair, not able to help the jealousy after seeing but not being able to be close with Angel. Giles shook his head, continuing what he was saying after the disruption as the pair seemed to have stepped back into their own world. Dawn watched them, wishing she had a boy that would kiss her and stroke her cheek like that.

"Well, moving on from, ah, that…" Giles said, putting his glasses back on his face after wiping them vigorously, trying to ignore the way the pair who were softly whispering while he was speaking, "We have been discussing- you know, um... your plans"

"Oh, um, I've been giving that a lot of thought actually. I think I've figured it out, what I should do"

"That's good, that's good!"

"Yeah! I figure, if I hold off paying the plumber, I can pay the utility bill and then I can wait to re-shingle the roof until we get the refund back-"

"Oh, I spoke to the electricity man about rewiring my room back how it was and he's saying we can have another fortnight" Saffron managed to extract her gaze from Spike as he finished the chicken, to look at Buffy who nodded with a small smile despite being cut off.

"By spoke to the man, she means she won him a game of poker where the wager was she would get another two weeks… isn't she bloody brilliant?" Spike said, smiling softly at the girl as she flushed slightly at the way he spoke about her. Bragging on her behalf, even if the others didn't find gambling for bills something to brag about. Giles chose, again, to ignore the pair who were a hindrance as usual and direct the conversation back to Buffy.

"Um, I meant… with your life" Giles coughed awkwardly. Buffy seemed confused about this question, not really able to come up with a solid plan. She mentioned wanting to go back to college after she had to drop it, but being dead meant she had missed the chance to re-enroll. The worry about her in the room was heightening but it seemed to plateau after she agreed to tag along to some classes with Willow and Tara to get back into it. Giles decided to direct the interrogation towards Saffron instead, "How about you Saff- Ah, Saffron? _Saffron?!_"

"Yep, I'm back in the room, sorry. The whole dead thing, I forget you're supposed to keep your elbows off the table during tea and not snog your boyfriend before the chicken bucket's empty" She winked at Giles as Spike snorted at her words. She faced Giles who rolled his eyes but was glad of the distraction as he was worrying about Buffy's attitude. Luckily, Saff seemed to be exactly the same since she returned.

"Have you managed to think more about your, ah, plans? It is, ah, fairly likely the Corrupted will return now that you are alive again"

"My coffin's barely fucking warm and we're already onto my next death scene?"

"Death's made you forget to stop swearing in front of Dawn as well?" Buffy asked with a look.

"You should hear the bit when she's talking about the teenage brats at her school, she swears like a sailor" Spike piped up with a glint in his eye and a smirk as Dawn tried to get him to quit it.

"Ah, well, yes, how about college then? Like Buffy?"

"Not interested"

"But you are intelligent, I always found it a shame that-"

"Look, gramps, she bloody said no alright?" Spike stepped in, she had confided to him the reason she dropped out and he could tell she was feeling the same, if not more so, about it.

"Okay, so the prophecy then. We must research and prepare as much as possible. Your sacrifice has proved that without a doubt, you are the True Sight. To sacrifice yourself for another, to lay down your life…. Saffron? Where are you going?"

"Need a smoke, we can do this later G" Saffron kissed Spike on the side of the face, shooting him an apologetic glance as the sun was still setting so it would be a little bit before he could come and join her. She moved her chair back, splintering the back into pieces with her strength as she groaned in annoyance. She took her lighter and a cigarette from Spike's hand as he offered it to her before kicking the pieces of wood as she left out of the back door. Giles frowned to himself at the pair, although he told himself that Saffron had always been abrupt and her nicotine addiction stopped for no conversation. He instead got up and started to clear up the splintered wood from the chair as Spike helped Dawn clear away the plates.

Saff stepped into the cool air of the evening and managed to take a deep breath. She steadied herself against the doorframe before closing the kitchen door behind her, lighting up quickly. She couldn't handle hearing any more. She couldn't keep pretending. She closed her eyes as she inhaled, thinking about that night. Dawn's face. Following Buffy. Everywhere she turned it reminded her. She couldn't shake this awful feeling. Guilt. Knowing something bad was coming. Because she messed up. Because she's back. Bad luck seemed to follow her around, or conveniently written prophecies did anyway. She took another drag of her cigarette as she heard the door click closed.

"Don't ask to try a fag, it'll kill you. Again" She said more softly than normal to her cousin, who was now walking to stand next to her.

"Me smoking? A world of no" Buffy tried to smile, but Saff knew she didn't feel like smiling because she didn't either.

"Was it this bad last time you died?" Saffron asked, inhaling the smoke from her cigarette as if it would take away everything that had happened. Buffy just shook her head. They both stared into the darkening garden, the sun finally setting and casting a rich purple light across the sky. They were quiet for a while, Buffy feeling that Saff was in her head about the guilt again. She rested a hand on her cousin's shoulder making Saff turn to look at her.

"Feeling what everyone else is feeling is so distracting. I kinda only have room for my own thoughts" Buffy said, barely above a whisper. Saffron nodded, worrying about her cousin. _Living with your own shit was hard enough, but adding feeling other people's emotions to it as well?_

"Welcome to my world!" She sighed exhaling smoke away from Buffy's face as she did. She had nothing to offer Buffy, only some waterlogged magazines. She hadn't quite mastered the whole feeling emotions thing herself.

"Is it always this… much?" Buffy asked, rubbing her temple slightly as she heard a disagreement inside. _Probably Giles and Spike,_ they both decided. Saffron frowned at her cousin, her hand had moved from comforting her, but it made her realise she couldn't feel anything from Buffy since she came back from LA. No emotions at all. It was creepy. She was about to open her mouth to ask why she couldn't feel her emotions, but it was as if Buffy had anticipated it.

"You managed to fit any training in?" She asked quickly, "Giles is right, you can't just rely on the strength"

"Try me" Saff flicked her cigarette away and beckoned towards Buffy as if to tell her to bring it on with a small grin. Spike had been watching from the kitchen window and rolled his eyes, his girl was going to get beaten up. He debated whether or not to go and step in but decided against it. Maybe she would take training more seriously if she lost. He didn't have the heart to use his full strength on her when she asked him to practice-fight her.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Buffy asked, feeling that she was. Saff still couldn't feel anything from Buffy but she was distracted now. She wanted to prove herself.

"Yeah, I'm tough! Probably better than you now Buffy, who needs a slayer when you've got an empath-on-steroids?" Saff said with a smile as Buffy went to punch her and she caught her hand, surprising herself, "Aw, you're going easy on me! Did the dying turn you into _Diet_ Slayer? Do you come in Zero-sugar too?" Saff mock taunted. Spike sighed at his girl's words, seeing the familiar glint in Buffy's eyes that had been mostly absent since she had died.

"You're gonna wish you hadn't said that" Buffy landed a punch to Saff's shoulder, knowing she could handle it now. Saff had tried to block her again but she was too slow. Buffy kicked her in the lower stomach making her stumble back. Saff tried to distract Buffy by pretending to go for a blow one way but suddenly moving direction, in a way that Buffy had once taught her. Buffy rolled her eyes at the trick, not believing she had fallen for it. Buffy socked her in the jaw and she groaned in pain but quickly moved to kick Buffy's feet from under her and Buffy landed flat on her ass. Saffron was too busy gloating to realise that Buffy was already on her feet and spinning into a round-house kick, sending Saff flying. She hit her head against something hard, being thrown against a wooden bench in the garden. _She'd always hated where Joyce had put that stupid fucking bench._ When Spike saw she hit her head, he ran out of the kitchen through the back door as Buffy walked towards Saff, about to land a final blow.

"Enough, Slayer! She's in pain" Spike said, he could feel it as if it was his own. He shoved Buffy to the side, expecting to get a headache and faltering slightly when he didn't. He frowned but ran and knelt at Saff's side. She was smiling, rubbing the back of her head. Buffy looked on guiltily, she wasn't sure what had come over her. She should have stopped after she hit her in the jaw. Saff wasn't a slayer, she was just stronger than human.

"Did I win?" She smiled up at Spike. Spike stroked the side of her face softly, he guessed she was concussed. He sent a glare towards the slayer as he pulled Saff to her feet. He checked her over, knowing her soft skin was going to be scattered with powder-blue bruises within minutes. She bruised easily.

"I didn't know you had a twin" Saff whispered, smiling at the non-existent second spike. She was seeing double, about to wave at Spike's twin. He softly took the hand that was about to wave and set it firmly into his hand, interlacing his fingers between hers slowly. He whispered to her, making sure she kept her eyes open as she blinked slowly. He lead her slowly inside and to the basement where he could tend to her better without the Slayer's blank stare on them.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff was sat in the magic box, she had recovered from her fight with Buffy, making sure her cousin knew there was no harm done. It had been a long week of working almost non-stop. She had just got off her shift and had time to kill before her next one at the diner. She wanted to try and contact the voice again. See if it would come back to her. The bell went as someone entered, but she didn't look up. She continued to look down at her cards, she had a bad feeling. She felt like she was being left behind by the powers. Her punishment. She was deep in thought, trying to centre herself. She heard someone clearing their throat, raising their dark bushy eyebrows at her.

A man. He had a slight tan, not uncommon for California and a shaved head. His muscles were toned, he clearly took care of himself. He had a chunky septum piercing and his eyes were pale grey, almost translucent in the light. He wore a cream-coloured shirt, the pattern she couldn't quite make out and it was unbuttoned slightly to show his chest. He had white high tops and cuffed off-white jeans. His clothes fit him but they weren't exact. Her guess was thrifted, her and her family used to buy a lot of her clothes from charity shops when she lived in England. His outfit confused her, it was as if he had tried on a lot of different outfits to try to wear the perfect ensemble and then ran out of time before he had to leave the house and just stuck with the last thing he had tried on.

"Look at you, kitten just sittin' pretty"

"Hi, you wanting a reading?"

"Aren't you a little… young?" the slightly older man said, looking her over, scrutinising every inch of her. She shivered slightly, but unfortunately this wasn't the weirdest experience she had while doing readings in Sunnydale.

"To read a fortune? I don't think there's any age-restrictions" She shrugged. He nodded, a smile playing on his lips. She couldn't quite feel his emotions, the man felt very far away from her. Perhaps he was some kind of demon, she shrugged.

"Uh, your name? For the reading?" She smiled, indicating to her pack. Both his hands landed flat on the table, rolling his eyes as if he was exasperated. He looked her in the eyes, as if weighing up whether he should tell this stranger his name. He let out a drawn-out sigh before responding.

"I was going to wait for a big reveal, but seeing as you asked so sweetly…" He dragged out his words, as if he was savouring every syllable on his tongue, _"Oleander"_ He smiled, moving to clutch his hand in hers, his vice like grip keeping her hand in place. He shook it once and she noted the eye-shaped ring on his right ring finger. She felt all the blood drain from her face. _The_ Oleander. _Shit._ Just what she needed. She was struggling to blink, her eyes started to water.

"Like the plant?" She asked nonchalantly, snapping herself out of it, pulling her hand away and offering him the pack instead.

"I hope my endowment was satisfactory" He said with a wink, referring to the flower he had sent her a lifetime ago.

"It was a shrub, how exciting could it be?"

"It was a double-entendre, darling" He laughed at her. As if she were a child that wouldn't understand such a notion. _Must be how Dawn feels,_ she managed to think to herself. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I know what it was, it just wasn't necessarily a good one" She replied coolly, but they both knew she wasn't so collected. Neither of them needed to read emotions, her hand that was offering the pack was shaking. He chuckled, making sure to brush her hand with his as he split the pack, laying his card face down between them.

"You want to do the honours?" he watched her closely, smiling cruelly at every small inflection of emotion she had. She reached to flip it, but he was faster. _The Devil._ She looked up at him.

"So naïve. A child in her Wendy-house wouldn't have fallen for that one, how precious you are!"

"The Devil. It concerns your shadow-self" She started, ignoring his insult and he snorted at her words.

_The devil is a major arcana. This represents a shadow-self that must be addressed. You are one side of a coin, heads or tails? Negative influences are surrounding you, when your time is right it will be done. You shall seek to shine your light on the patterns that have been standing in your way for so long, and over time, they will appear to loosen the grip they have on you. Do not be fooled by your power, there is a chink in all armour if it is not forged out of the right intentions._ She blinked. Hard. The voice was back.

"So, head's or tails?" Her eyes snapped up to him. How could he have heard that? She didn't say it out loud. Did she? She had never felt anything so much, it was as if everything was rushing at her at once with him sat there unmoving with her. It shook her to her core. It was if the reading was for her as much as it was for him.

"H-how?"

"H-h-how?" He mocked before snapping out of it just as quickly, "How do you think your witch found the ritual to bring you and the itty-bitty slayer back into the world, a-kicking and a-screaming the way you came into it?" He sneered at her, shaking his head. She wasn't going to be a match for him, not even a challenge. He might as well play around with her before it's time, "I guess the devil's in the detail, kid" he laughed as he grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it, looking deep into her eyes. His eyes went white, as if there was a flashlight shining at her. She was trapped on the spot. She was panicking but she couldn't even move to blink. He dropped her hand and it went limp, slapping onto the table. It hurt, but she didn't wince nor make a noise. The worst feeling descended on her as she could feel she was being made to panic and feel the most surreal fear. It chilled her soul and it felt as if she was naked in front of him. She felt violated and he was smiling. He was fucking laughing.

Her eyes slowly filled with water and tears fell like a waterfall down her cheeks. He left her like that, as he seemingly got bored of watching her suffer. She watched him leave, hearing him sing a familiar tune. She wasn't sure if it was inside her head or he was really singing as he strolled into the light of the afternoon.

_We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when…_

_But I know we'll meet again some sunny day…_

Saff opened her eyes slowly. She was stood, wearing a pastel outfit with a little apron attached, pouring hot coffee into someone's mug. How did she get here? She wavered, confused and poured coffee onto the table in her shock at her new surroundings.

"Aw, crap! I'm so sorry, can I offer you a complimentary scone?" She said politely, dabbing at the coffee that had created a lake on the table with the cheap diner napkins. She must have been pouring on the table for longer than she thought. She shocked herself at her voice, it was as if she had been functioning on autopilot. She didn't recognise the voice she heard coming from her mouth. It had been hours until her shift, how had time gone so fast? Martha came over, apologising to the customer and explaining that Saff was new. Saff walked behind the counter, checking the clock that hung on the wall. 8p.m? It had been around 4p.m when she had met Oleander, so where had she been for the last four hours? She decided to ask Martha to investigate.

"When did I get in today?"

"Right on time, as always. You've been a little distracted, but I'm not one for holding grudges"

"So, Wednesday. What could I have done for four hours on a Wednesday?" Saff wondered out loud, trying to weigh up if she would have run to Spike to tell him what had happened. Probably, she decided.

"It's Thursday, hon"

"Thursday?" _Oh shit. Oh no. Over 24 hours,_ "Was I here for my shift yesterday?" she asked, trying to hide how frantic she was. Martha was busy plating up a scone for the table Saff had been serving as she tried to come to terms with how much time she had lost.

"Yeah, you came in early. You're gonna make employee of the month, and that's not just because I got the power to decide" Martha winked and walked back towards the table. Her head started to spin and she had to hold on to the counter to steady herself.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff blinked slowly, opening her eyes and seeing that she was in the crypt, a familiar sight as she was close to her boyfriend in the comfort of their safe place. She had moved in while her room was drying out. She couldn't help smiling, it was as if it was a dream. It was so familiar, everything she had ever wanted back when she was stuck in the ground.

She was staring at his lips, a low buzzing sound was coming from them and she frowned slightly at the weird noise. She blinked, hard, and everything came flooding back to her. The sound of the static in the tv. Spike's voice was louder now and she jumped at the volume. He stared at her confused, "You seem a little distracted, love"

"Threw coffee over someone at work again yesterday. Trying to recover by repressing the memory through mind power." She said lightly, "It isn't working, in case you were wondering" She looked down, she was in her diner uniform, realising she had another shift in less than an hour. Another one? It never stops. She hauled herself up, resigning herself to another gruelling shift at the diner. Spike took her wrist and spun her to face him.

"Don't go… I've barely seen you since you started living"

"Opposed to all the long nights we spent together when I was dead?" She tried to keep it light, but her eyes were blinking slowly as if she was about to fall asleep. She looked as if she hadn't slept in years. She moved from his grip, rushing around the room.

"Not a joke, Honey. I need you. With me" He said, mirroring her actions, following her to try to convince her.

"And I need you… But I need to work. I can't convince Buffy to let me send Dawn up any chimneys so I need to pick up as many shifts as I can" she aimed for a joke again, grabbing various things she would need and smoothing her uniform down.

"Stop, love… please" He all but begged, grabbing her wrist again, "You're making yourself ill" he said, gesturing at her pale complexion. The permanent dark circles under her eyes. The way she clutched her head every so often.

"I'm fine, babe. I'll take some tablets and everything will be golden" She waved him off, but her next step towards the door left her clutching at her head and stumbling from exhaustion. She looked back at him, knowing there's no way he'll let her leave now.

"That does it. I'm calling you in sick" He said, snatching the cell phone she had just picked up from her and finding Martha's number. He had met her and knew she would happily let her off.

"I need the money" Saffron said, a hint of desperation in her voice as she reached for the phone that was now ringing through as he held it high and away from her.

"I can get you money" He said firmly, putting the phone to his ear as Martha picked up. Saffron collapsed onto the beat-up couch, accepting the help from her vampire. The way he cared about her made her smile at him while he was on the phone. He winked, sweet-talking the older woman on the phone the way he had the first time they met and Saffron could hear her giggling on the other end.

Saffron woke up, her head on Spike's lap, after a whole one-and-a-half-hour sleep. She was still in her work uniform, she didn't remember falling asleep but knew she had needed it. However, she wasn't used to sleeping for long at the moment, which is how she was currently wide awake at 11p.m. She was restless, trying desperately to cling to the sleep she so needed. She tried to relax, but it was no use. Spike started to huff, she wouldn't stop switching positions. On her tenth change in what seemed like the same amount of seconds, Spike sighed and stilled her, looking in her eyes. There was no way she was getting back to sleep. She groaned, hauling herself up to sit up on the couch beside him. She resigned herself to the crappy Tv, leaning against Spike's shoulder. Eventually, they had decided to go out, Spike figuring she needed the distraction and besides, he knew there was a poker game happening in the back room of one of the bars he liked. Saff changed quickly, trying her best to ignore Spike's enthusiastic i-told-you-so's about how the drawer he had taken from the dump was in such good condition and would last for another century at least.

The demon bar was not somewhere that Saffron would frequent, despite her boyfriend being a vampire. She was open to trying something new though, she trusted Spike to be with her.

"Two beers please" She ordered at the bar, out of habit mostly. She took out her ID to flash at the demon behind the bar. She was still working on autopilot apparently. Spike coughed and changed their order, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Come on, I've been dead" She rolled her eyes, but tried her best pleading face. He wasn't buying it. They waited for their drinks at the bar as Spike replied, "Not a chance in hell" he said a gleam in his eye, handing her an orange juice and kissing her on the forehead.

"Funny" She said stoically before smiling at him slightly. She needed this. A night off. Away from working herself into the ground, "Might as well put it in a fucking sippy cup" She groaned, taking a sip to check if the bartender might have slipped some vodka in. No luck. She set the glass down as Spike took a sip from his glass of O negative. They chatted softly together and tried to enjoy a rare evening while they could.

Spike left her side for a moment, seeing someone that owed him a kitten or something. Saff didn't want to ask. Instead, she picked up her glass again to take another sip of the boring drink, but the glass didn't make it to her mouth. It crunched under her hands, spilling shards of glass and orange juice down her front. Again? Fuck! She would never get used to the super-strength thing. It made her beyond clumsy. At least she wouldn't be mistaken for a human by the demons surrounding her.

A pale man pressed against her going up to the bar. Usually Saff could handle herself, but after everything this unwanted contact tipped her over the edge. She flinched violently, "Get off!" Saff screamed, recoiling from the man. He had been pressed up against her back as he moved closer to the bar, "Get the fuck off me!" She screamed louder, her hand shaking slightly as she squirmed away from him. The man looked shocked, he hadn't realised he had pressed himself up against the woman, focusing on getting to the front of the queue for the bar. He needed a shot of blood (or two). He started to apologise but Saffron backed away, the fear in her eye evident to the onlookers that had heard her screams. The man started to move away, shaking his head. Spike ran out of nowhere, doing his best to intimidate the man. He headbutted him, revealing the man was also a vampire. He had heard her screams from across the room and he made his way to her as fast as he could through the sea of people in the bar. The vampire stalked off, not looking back. Spike walked back to her, setting a hand on her shoulder.

"What happened? You ok, love?"

"Yeah, uh, I was just overreacting" She shook her head, using her hand to rub her temple slightly. She looked washed out. Spike wanted to take her somewhere quiet, ask her about it but a familiar figure came into his line of view. He took Saff's hand and led her to the back room after Clem. This might take her mind off everything.

They were in the back room of the bar, various demons were sat around a circular table. There was a wicker basket in the centre of the table filled with tiny kittens. The demons around the table had cards and were finishing a hand. She was appalled when she realised that the kittens were the currency the demons were playing for. She was even more appalled when she noted that at least two of the demons around the table were known to actually eat kittens. Saff smiled at Clem when she noticed him, she had met him before. He was a sweetheart and she was glad she knew at least one other face. Even if his did look like it had been melted. The rest of them were intimidating and she could tell that they didn't like her, they knew she was related to the Slayer.

_Bluffing. Bluffing. Winning. Bluffing. Doesn't understand the game_. Saffron called each out in her head. Poker was an easy game when you had her abilities. Her abilities? She could detect deception again?! Thank God. She smiled smugly and sat down on the chair Spike set her on. She wasn't invited into the game, she was satisfied watching and proving herself right. Spike pulled a chair up to the game and waited for his cards to be dealt.

After a while, Spike and Saffron subtly started to work together. She lit a cigarette from the corner of the room, moving her head subtly every time she felt someone bluffing. Spike was suddenly very good at poker where he had been half-decent before. He already had a reputation as someone who cheated and Saffron's appearance made the rest of the players wary of her.

"You gonna play, human?" one of the demons asked in the break where Spike had got up to buy a round of drinks, paid for through the _'nasty word'_ jar. Spike had continued to use it, out of habit, while Saff was away.

"Oh, no. I'm just a girl, it's a well-known fact that human-girls sit pretty and watch"

"Sarcasm isn't cute on you, sweetheart"

"Okay, I'll bite. If you want to lose even more you just had to ask" Saff smiled.

"Maybe_ I'll_ bite if you do lose"

"Can't tell if you are threatening me or flirting with me" Saffron smiled as she dragged her chair towards the table, setting it next to where Spike's empty chair was.

"I'll even let you borrow a kitten, so you can ante up" The man smiled, clearly he had chosen a mix between flirting and threatening. Well, it did seem to be Saff's type after all.

"Ah ah, if anyone's giving her a kitten it'll be me, Kordolf. Take your pick, love" Spike offered, setting down the beers and an orange juice for Saff. She detected a hint of jealousy, Spike was glaring at him, meaning he wanted more than anything to win against this demon now. He didn't like other people giving her such attention.

Every time the cards were dealt, no matter who it was that was dealing, Saffron managed to have the winning hand or miraculously call even the best liar at their bluff. She had amassed a large number of kittens. She was pleased about this, she planned on taking them to a shelter to make sure they were safely housed rather than used as demon-food. Everything was going smoothly until the demon named Kordolf had had enough. She had won almost every round.

"You're a fucking cheat!" The man called her out, flipping the table and shouting, "You should have kept yourself and your human bitch at home, Spike!" Saffron and Clem had managed to grab the basket of kittens before they fell to the ground as Spike stood and squared up to the demon.

"She doesn't even smell that human. Should we give her a taste?" Another demon piped up, layers of teeth could be seen as he smiled menacingly. A fight broke out at these words and Saff tried her best to break it up so Spike wasn't fighting two-on-one. The new strength came in useful for something at least. The bar owner came in and chucked them out, Spike wasn't well liked around here as it was and starting a fight during a secret poker game was the last straw. Spike grabbed Saff's hand and led her into the night and away from the threat.

As they slowed to a walking pace, satisfied nobody was following them, they smiled at each other. They had missed getting stuck in situations like this, they knew they had each other's back. The adrenaline was still coursing through Saff's veins as she slowed her breathing. They walked in a comfortable silence their hands clasped tightly together.

_"Meow"_

"What the bloody hell was that?" Spike looked around, expecting to see the source of the squeak.

"Nothing, uh, it could be my boots, I never broke them in properly from when I bought them" She offered. He looked at her suspiciously.

"Love, that wasn't-"

_"Meow"_

"Oh all-bloody-right, the jig's up!" She rolled her eyes. She opened her leather jacket to reveal a tiny black kitten that she had swiped during the chaos. She was determined to save at least one. Spike looked dumbfounded at the little thing and quickly said they couldn't keep it. This started a squabble that Saffron eventually won by the time they made it to their crypt. He scowled at the evil little furball as she showed her around her new home. Saffron would be out first thing in the morning to buy supplies for their new addition to the household.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff was, once again, sporting her pastel pink outfit but today she had been given her shiny new nametag. She flipped open her notepad she used for taking orders, took the pencil from behind her ear and walked up to a booth to take another order. She had been so distracted lately, what with hiding from more demons than usual, her delightful introduction to the corrupted himself and the guilt that she hadn't been able to shake since she died. Her mind was kind of elsewhere. That's how she missed that a certain bleach-blonde vampire had taken the younger brunette out for a milkshake.

"Welcome to Nell's, can I take your order?" She asked faux-cheerily, not looking up from her pad. She jumped and flinched when she felt a hand rest firmly on her wrist, her eyes widened like a deer in the headlights as she turned to face him. Spike. She visibly relaxed, smiling at him and Dawn. The other two were not smiling back, they were both frowning in confusion at her reaction. She tried to laugh it off, but neither of their expressions changed.

"What's with the jumping-jacks?" Dawn asked, clearly concerned. Buffy hadn't been so good since she had been back either.

"Just a little jumpy, you know" She shrugged, "Not used to the whole living, breathing, thing. I'll get back into the swing" She smiled. _And hopefully you'll stop fucking rhyming._

"Not buying it, Honeysuckle" Spike said, as Dawn nodded her agreement. He hadn't forgotten she had jumped in the crypt and when they were out.

"Look, I need to do my job. Do you want to order something? Isn't it a little late for you to be out?" She directed the latter at Dawn.

"Spike set my curfew" Dawn said smugly as Saff looked to stare suspiciously between the pair.

"And when is it?"

_"One"_ They both said together, shrugging. Saffron fell into a fit of giggles, bordering on hysteria. They both stared at her, Dawn checking nobody she knew was in the diner as her cousin continued to almost bring herself to tears through her laughter.

"A.m.?" She confirmed through her laughter and they nodded, "Buffy's gonna stake you for real this time" Saff continued through her outburst. She managed to calm herself down long enough to take their order. A vanilla milkshake with double everything for Dawn and one of the best-damned diner coffees in the state for Spike.

When she brought their order over, she whipped her apron off and made Spike move over so she could sit next to him, explaining she was on her break now it was quiet. She guessed she owed them an explanation. He moved to rest his arm on the headrest of the vinyl chair, his hand on her shoulder as she leaned in to take the cherry from the top of Dawn's milkshake.

"You wanna know?" She asked slowly, focusing on knotting the cherry stem with her fingers instead of looking at the other two. They nodded, waiting impatiently to hear what was going on.

"I met him. The corrupted" There was an intake of breath from her audience, despite the fact that half of the pair didn't need to breathe, "He touched me and-"

"He fucking what?!"

"Uh, my hand. He touched it and I couldn't move, he was torturing me. He just left me there, I'm not completely sure I'm not still sat there and this is a dream…" She tailed off as her words caught in her throat. Spike was livid, his hand was gripping her shoulder tight.

"That's horrible!"

"I'm going to kill the bastard" He gripped her shoulder tighter, if she didn't have newfound strength it probably would have hurt.

"I think I'm gonna have to do that, except I'm no match for him. Not even a challenge" She didn't know how she knew he felt this way, but she felt it too.

"Don't say that, Honey… you're a stubborn bint at the best of times and besides, you've got me haven't you? I'll bite a chunk out of the ugly bugger if I have to, headache or no" Spike said, pointing for emphasis, firmly gripping Saff's shoulder with the other hand as if he could protect her from the man immediately.

"I mean it… not that I don't appreciate a good _macho-protect-your-woman's-honour-threat_, he has power that I couldn't even dream of" She said, twisting the silver ring on her finger as she thought about everything, "I, uh, I've been losing time… getting headaches and the occasional nosebleed. He's so powerful, how the fuck am I supposed to believe we're equals?"

"Hey, Saff! You can do it, you went up against a Hell-God for me, this will be a piece of cake!" Dawn assured her, making a horrible noise with her straw as she had finished her milkshake, but still insisted on trying to suck the remaining drop from the bottom of the glass.

Saff continued to explain more about losing time, being exhausted all the time and not just because she was working herself into the ground. The pair listened intently, offering their support where there was a pause to chip in. Saffron had never been so visibly nervous before, her hands were shaking as she twisted her rings on her finger as she described him and everything that had happened with her _'shadow self'_.

_"That's why she was so weird at the Bronze"_ Dawn finally muttered to herself, as Saff walked off to start wiping down the counters and offering coffee-refills around the room, the youngest Summers was thankful that Saffron wouldn't have recollection that she had been out so late (way past even Spike's curfew).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song he sings is 'We'll meet again' - Vera Lynn. We're only 44 chapters in but, at last, we've met The Corrupted one! What do we think? Feedback is beyond welcome xoxo


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45:

It was Halloween at the magic box and Anya had grand plans now that she was running the place. Saffron walked down the steps to the stock room, lugging a heavy cardboard box with her to hide the breakable items from the influx of children that pirate Xander had been tasked to entertain. Willow and Dawn were giving extra candy to a tiny girl dressed as a witch and the rest of the group were all helping customers. Saffron was a black cat this Halloween: She was wearing a vinyl leather skirt, a black tank top and some cat ears. And, surprisingly, she had her combat boots on, she had forgotten it was Halloween and thrown together the outfit the morning before her shift. She tried to get Dawn to dress up too but she insisted it was for little kids. Saff sighed, once upon a time Dawn looked up to her so much she would have insisted on matching their costumes. She missed how things were with Dawn, but she enjoyed seeing her as more of a friend than an annoying younger cousin.

As she hoisted the box onto a stack of other cardboard boxes, her mind turned back to a thought she was often torturing herself with recently. The guilt surrounding what had happened last summer. With the three. She couldn't dare say it out loud, how could she begin to tell Dawn? It was enough to make her buy a bottle of alcohol the night previous when her shift ended. She hadn't drunk any of it, she had only stared at it before pouring it away. A win, of sorts. She had been in her head a lot recently, especially since her run-in with Oleander. He had really spooked her. She stared at the stack of boxes, willing her legs to move and take her back upstairs to the onslaught of customers. Although she didn't know if she was ready to face them just yet. A noise made her jump violently and swing around, eyes wide and her hands clenched into fists ready to try to fight.

_"Thank God"_ She visibly relaxed as she saw Spike, "What you doing here?"

"Burbaweed, put it in the blood makes it-"

"Spicy" She finished for him, she knew him well, "And it couldn't wait?" she asked as he shook his head a fraction. He didn't mention that he wanted to watch over her, make sure she didn't get herself killed by something let loose in the Magic Box. He was protective, he couldn't help it what with the way she liked to dive into peril head-first. He moved in, proving it definitely couldn't have waited as his lips met hers. He pulled her into him as she slid her hands up his back and they deepened their kiss. She giggled, breaking apart and starting to sort some of the stock. He took her wrist, pulling her flush to his chest once again as he purred in her ear.

"Mm, I remember this skirt…" He gestured as his hand roamed over the soft vinyl. She bit her lip slightly, shaking herself out of it as she replied. It was the one she had worn as a vampire for Halloween.

"Yep, the very same. I'm surprised it still fits actually. Last wore it, what four years ago? Couldn't wear a catsuit for work really" she shrugged, starting to move away and back to the chaos upstairs. But Spike had other ideas.

"You know what I wanted to do to you when…." He had backed her into the large table in the stockroom, firmly gripping the table either side of her hips, grinning and taking in her outfit. He was leaning in so close she could have sworn she felt his breath catch as he looked at her.

"Hands off the merchandise, Spike, I'm property of the Magic Box for the next four hours" She joked, not even trying to move from where he was caging her between his arms, savouring it every time his arms brushed against her sides.

"Come on, pet. I need a bit of _something_ to tide me over…" he said, sliding her skirt up slightly exposing more of her thigh, "besides, looks like you need to release a bit of… tension" She pulled her skirt back down and looked up to face him, a smile playing on her lips, knowing this could end badly. He could tell she was considering it.

"Not in the stock room, Spike, anybody could walk in…." She tailed off as he started to kiss along her jawline and a calloused hand moved between her thighs.

"Mm, and you're what? Suddenly this young innocent thing who would never so much as look at a man the wrong way?" He asked, a smirk firmly on his face as he kissed his way towards her ear, whispering, "Bollocks, love"

He suddenly moved, pushing himself off from the table and releasing her, she whined in frustration as he broke contact but smiled when she realised why he had moved. He swept all of the items from the table to the floor, it was mostly baggies of lavender and other dried herbss used for spell pouches but a few items in boxes made a cracking sound as they hit the ground that neither of them could bring themselves care less about. The anticipation between the seconds it took him to clear the table was unbearable and she all but moaned in relief when he returned to her. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he sat her on the newly clear table. _God, she hoped a customer didn't ask someone to check if they had any extra stock._ She looked around, opening her mouth to start to say maybe they should move to somewhere less in the middle of the room but Spike shook his head with a smug smile at the way she seemed to whimper at even the lightest touch. _What was she doing? This was where she worked!_ The risk was too high but his kisses were so nice…

"Sp-" Saffron started to speak again before a firm hand clasped over her mouth.

"You'll just have to be quiet, won't you?" He whispered, biting his lip as she glared from behind his hand. But as he started to kiss her again, laying her out on the table and sliding on top of her, her glare quickly left her face and she was grateful for the hand once his other hand started to slide her skirt up.

Saffron and Spike were still on the table top, grins on their faces that they couldn't remove. Saff's skin was flushed pink as she hauled herself up.

"You're coming tonight aren't you?" She smiled as she started to shift her clothes back hurriedly. Spike was still lying back, propping himself up by his elbows, having sorted himself out and zipped his fly back up. He was now watching her re-dress herself.

"Tonight?"

"Halloween party at Xander's, don't say you forgot!"

"_Oh balls_" he muttered, "Vamps don't do Halloween, love, you know that"

"Please?"

"What do I get out of it?" He asked cockily as she leaned back over the table to land a soft peck on his lips suggesting he'd already got his end of the bargain.

"I gotta go back up to work" She sighed, wishing she could spend the day with Spike, "Anyway, aren't you supposed to be looking after Angel?" She pulled her skirt back down so she could return to work without flashing any customers.

"Honey, you had better stop calling the fleabag Angel, or you'll be buying the bar next time we're out" He mock-threatened, pulling himself up to sit on the edge of the table. Saff stood up, turning to smile at him.

"It's Angelina. But Angel for short… it's cute!" She assured him, leaning into him, knowing he wasn't convinced.

"Makes sense, I always thought he was a _puss_-" Saffron kissed him to cut him off, rolling her eyes fondly. She then moved away from his embrace, looking around for her cat-ears.

"We're parents now, Spike. You have to take some responsibility! Less _fucking_ swearing!" She pointed at him with a mock-glare as she started to step up the stairs. He watched her and she could feel he was starting to miss her already. They both enjoyed cuddling after sex but neither of them admitted it to anyone except each other. She had already started to miss him too and quickly skipped back down the stairs, leaning up and landing a slow, meaningful kiss on his lips that he enthusiastically returned. She whispered that she would see him as soon as she got off her shift before running up the stairs, hoping nobody would mention her absence.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Saff had planned out her shifts meticulously so that she could fit in a nap and a sort-of social life. This meant she was able to enjoy an evening with her friends for their Halloween party. Saffron was still in her black cat costume as she walked into the main area of Xander's apartment, clutching the tap as she walked. She had managed to rip it from the sink. She awkwardly shuffled up to Xander, handing him the tap and apologising profusely. All she had done was turn it off with a twist and had instead taken the whole thing off. She hated this new strength. Another curse in disguise. Xander distractedly said it was okay, taking the cold metal from her and distractedly staring ahead of him.

"Also, I spray painted your bathroom bright orange and invited a homeless vampire into your home for the night" She said, realising he wasn't listening to her.

"Yeah, no problem" Xander replied, walking over to Anya who he had been staring at with a smile. He walked over to Anya, pulling her to him and looked towards the rest of the people in the room.

"Can I, um... Uh... there's something Anya and I wanna tell you" He walks over to the counter. Anya comes to his side, holding a stack of paper money, "We're getting married!"

"Oh my god!" Dawn squealed as Saffron's face widened into a shocked but happy smile. She liked them as a couple, they were made for each other.

"Congratulations!" Tara beamed as Buffy and Giles walked closer to congratulate the pair.

"That-that's... wow" Willow said and Saff could feel she wasn't sure how she felt about the news.

"It's a big wow" Xander replied, confirming her words. Anya and Xander kissed, their love couldn't be denied. They decided to turn the party into an Engagement party as someone cranked up the music and everyone continued to hug and congratulate the newly engaged pair. Willow did a quick spell to change the apartment into a nicely decorated party palace. There were balloons and ornaments and all Willow had done was snap her fingers. Saffron was impressed until she noticed how Tara had reacted.

Saffron felt Tara's concern, and planned to ask about it later. Spike had walked up to her after the hugging had died down, staying clear of the gushing and celebration of the boy and his bird. _He bought her an over-priced rock, so bloody what?_ Spike draped his arm around Saff, watching her frown at the witches for a second before snapping herself out of it and smiling up at him. He could see that she was still exhausted, he had tried to convince her to stay home with him, they could be cosy in their shared crypt and watch Passions or something. But she had planned it all out, she was on a schedule. This was new, Saffron rarely stuck to a schedules or rules, but she knew it was the only way to start bringing money in. She had become organised out of necessity and longed for the day where she wouldn't have to stick to all the bloody rules anymore. She assured Spike that Anya and Xander would want to have we-just-announced-our-engagement-sex so the party would die down and they could spend a little time together before her shift. She was about to drink from her cup, only to realise it was empty. She rolled her eyes, walking to the tiny kitchen to refill it. Spike followed and started to complain about Anya and Xander hijacking Halloween with their own news. _Was nothing sacred anymore that even Halloween had to be taken over by the Scoobies?_

"You don't even like Halloween!" She reminded him, over her shoulder as she walked to get herself some punch from the bowl that her and Dawn were sharing because it was non-alcoholic.

"Bloody attention-seeking, that's what they're doing. They're not the only buggers in love"

"Hush, babe! They're getting married, it's beautiful" She said dreamily, turning to him with the ladel in her hand. This gave Spike an idea, seeing as they were now alone in the tiny kitchen. He looked deeply into Saffron's eyes, giving her the smile that he saved just for her. The look was as if he was staring directly into her soul. She frowned, his emotions were easy to read but she wasn't fully understanding what was going on. He held her left hand in both of his hands, muttering something. He dropped onto one knee, staring up at her adoringly. She watched, open-mouthed and then smiled. He opened his mouth, surely about to pour his most intimate feelings, laying himself bare. Her heart skipped a beat, before she opened her mouth to cut him off, "Get up Spike" Saffron rolled her eyes, she felt his emotions and helped him to his feet.

"You almost said yes, admit it love" He smirked smugly at her, hauling himself up to stand next to her to tease her.

"I could tell you weren't being serious. You get a chip, I get a convenient lie detector" She reminded him, kissing his cheek and winking before walking back into the living room. Spike followed her with his eyes before he followed her back in. He wouldn't let it go though. He enjoyed taking any opportunity to tease her.

Spike and Saff were whispering in each other's ear from the corner, the others couldn't tell that they were squabbling over whether Saff had believed his proposal or not. Anya was showing Buffy her ring as Xander explained he'd never recover from the cost. Giles and Dawn were talking and he seemed to wish he had found himself with a more grown up conversation. The witches were having a heated discussion in the kitchen and everyone was giving the area a wide-birth, whatever it was seemed serious. Dawn checked her watch, eyes lighting up as she got up as Giles was in mid-sentence. Giles would have been annoyed at how rude she had been if he wasn't grateful he didn't have to keep her occupied.

"See you all tomorrow!" Dawn announced to the room and started to hurry to the exit. This interrupted everyone's conversation. Saffron who had been pulled onto Spike's lap during their conversation had looked up, sensing Dawn's eagerness to leave. Spike held her tighter, hoping she wasn't about to get up off his lap.

"Woah, tomorrow?" Buffy halted Dawn in her tracks and stared at her suspiciously as they all watched.

"Yeah I'm sleeping at Janice's... remember?" Saffron squinted suspiciously, Dawn was lying. She wasn't going to a sleepover. Dawn looked around, daring to check if Saff had caught on, _"A boy?"_ Saff mouthed, she could tell Dawn was lying about her sleepover. Dawn rolled her eyes, nodding subtly. Saff winked knowingly and turned to Buffy who was looking around for support, not sure whether to let Dawn leave. Saffron helped convince Buff to let her go on her 'sleepover'. It was only a white lie. Buffy didn't need to know. _What was the worst that could happen?_

_ **xoxoxo** _

The starry sky was cushioned by the occasional midnight blue cloud, which emphasised the warm light from the tiny fairy lights in the sky. It was as if a tiny galaxy had been reserved for Sunnydale that night. And who knows, seeing as it was the Hellmouth, maybe it had been. Xander's balcony was peaceful to the point of paranoia and she had needed the break from the party. Saffron was alone on Xander's balcony, hugging Spike's duster around her as she inhaled the thick smoke, savouring the bitter taste because, hey, at least she could taste and feel again. She was deep in thought, not able to appreciate the beauty of the sky or the chill of the night. She couldn't stop thinking about that night, it replayed in her mind. Spike was watching her from inside, trying to make sure she didn't fall over the side or have a demon jump up at her. He would usually go out with her, but he was enjoying watching Xander becoming uncomfortable as Anya wouldn't shut up about planning for babies and houses before they withered and died considering their human lives were so short. Plus, Saffron seemed to need some time alone. She was uncomfortable before she left, they had all been speaking about the deaths again.

Xander slipped out of the French doors onto the balcony, fanning himself with his pirate hat as he was getting nervous about the future. He was frightened to death. Saffron looked behind her, throwing her cigarette end into the makeshift ashtray she had been using in the form of an empty plant pot. She instantly lit up again and Xander came to lean against the railings with her, staring at the vast array of stars blanketing the sky.

"Ah, sweet mother oxygen" Xander muttered to himself, pulling at his collar as if it would cool him down.

"You're scared shitless" Saffron said softly, exhaling the smoke, still leaning against the railing.

"That obvious?"

"I'm guessing it would be even if I couldn't tell your emotional state" Saff shrugged, resting a comforting hand on her friends shoulder as he walked to stand next to her.

"I just- I just didn't think it'd be so much…" He admitted, exhaling in an overexaggerated way. She patted him on the back while they both stared out into the night. She wasn't really sure how to comfort her friend, she knew he was in love with Anya. She decided it was one of those things you have to sort by yourself in your own head. And, boy, did Saff have experience with thoughts like that. Buffy slid the door open then, shrugging her coat on. She had made the excuse she needed to patrol as Anya had launched into another speech about how she had found her one-in-million soulmate out of every universe and time period. Buffy was happy for her friends, of course she was. But things were hard for her at the moment. She was lonely, the one person she had thought was her true love it was impossible for them to be together and well, she had just been ripped back into reality after dying.

"Hey, thought I'd make with the congratulations before I go and slay something evil and probably lacking in dress sense" Buffy said warmly to Xander, hugging him again in congratulations.

"Oh, you couldn't sense it? We're in catastrophe corner over here, Xander's got a major wig on" Saff said, exhaling the smoke away from her friends as she spoke.

"It feels like a normal engagement nervy-ness to me!" Buffy said comfortingly, as Saff nodded. She had to work on her intuition, but at least she was trying.

"I mean, Anya can be a lot to handle, as are you Xand, but you both seem to just click. Like soulmates or any of that gushy shit" Saffron continued the encouraging theme Buffy had started and Xander appreciated it, nodding with a frown still on his face.

"Hey, this is good. I mean, this is... love and celebration and moving forward. Anya's right. This is the way life's supposed to work out" Buffy added.

"Right. Deep pools of ooey delight. I'm wallowing, not drowning"

"Definite wallow action" Buffy smiled, hugging her friend again.

"Is there another party out here nobody bloody told me about? If I'd had known I wouldn't have listened to the ex-demon yammering on until my ears bled" Spike interrupted loudly, not bothering to slide the door closed behind him and instead reaching to take his pack of Morley's out of his inside duster pocket that was still wrapped around Saff.

"Hey! That's my fiancé you're talking about!"

"At least now I know what Saff can get you for your wedding gift, noise cancelling bloody headphones and a monthly subscription to your pain medication of choice" He continued with his filter between his lips trying to get his lighter to ignite without luck. Xander glared at the vampire as Buffy started to open the door to leave.

"You fancy any company?" Saff asked her cousin, she was tired but she felt that Buffy shouldn't be alone at the moment. They needed each other.

"Nah, it's sort of a chosen one deal, you need to protect your head… sorry about that again" Buffy said as she started to step through the door. Saff swatted her away as if it was nothing before adding, "It's Halloween… there probably won't be anything out there…"

"There's gotta be somethin' cruising for a smackdown" Buffy shrugged, putting a hand on Xander's shoulder to tell him to leave it, as he was still glaring seemingly coming up with something to bite back with, before the pair both walked back inside the apartment. Buffy to go on patrol and Xander to go and kiss Anya in such a way that Giles would need to clean his glasses for a solid minute. Saffron ignited her own lighter and offered it to him.

Spike lit up and wrapped his arms around Saff from behind. She was still stood against the railing but her own cigarette was finished. His face rested against the side of hers and she could hear him expelling the smoke from his lungs into the cool air of the night. They stayed in silence for a while, enjoying the company.

"Do you know any constellations?" she hummed quietly, staring up at the sky and inhaling in his distinct smell, made only better to her with the mix of the cigarette smoke.

"Can't say I do…" He said, staring up at the night before his eyes lit up, "Wait! That one there… you see it?" He asked, pressing himself softly against the back of her, whispering low in her ear as he pointed out a collection of stars.

"Which? That there?" She pointed herself, before resting her hands back on the railing as he nodded.

"Vampirus nebula"

"Liar! There's no such thing!" She called him out with a fond smile, leaning back against him to leave a kiss against his neck. He moved his hands to hold her waist in a hug again as he bit back a smile.

"Bloody is! See those circular parts there?" He couldn't help gesturing dramatically towards the sky, "Like a freshly bitten neck!" he smiled, once again holding her close. She laughed aloud at his insistence, staring up at the sky.

"I love that sound, Honeysuckle… I would say it's one of my top ten favourite sounds, and that's a high bleeding compliment when you think of how long I've been around"

"It just doesn't seem as romantic when I know you described the screams of the innocent as one of your favourites too" she giggled before adding, "Do you know one of my favourite sounds?"

"If you say that fleabag's purr-"

"Your voice, Spike. Your voice is one of my favourite sounds… I don't know… It can be so soothing, especially like this" She admitted, she had been enjoying feeling the vibrations from his chest on her back as he spoke as well as his voice. He held her even closer, they had both missed this desperately. They stayed like that for a while, hearing music start to play loudly inside, leaving them to guess the dancing had started. When Spike felt how cold his girl was, he suggested they brave having to watch the others make a fool out of themselves to warm her up. She reluctantly agreed, pushing herself up using balcony railing, sending the sturdy metal cracking and falling down the two-stories from the balcony. Spike grabbed hold of her firmly by the upper arm before she had chance to overbalance, "Fucking _bastarding_ hell!" She shouted down at the railing that had fallen from the height of Xander's apartment, "I'm so fucking tired of breaking everything I touch!"

"You'll get used to it, love. We can slip away, train before the sun makes an appearance if you fancy your chances against something big and nasty" He offered, knowing that the answer was a firm no as her tired eyes looked up at him.

"I thought you wouldn't go out on Halloween!" She smiled as they walked back inside, reminding him of the long rant he had their entire walk to Xander's apartment about demons leaving their crypts and lairs on the night of Halloween. Apparently it was not only stupid, but cursed to do so. When they returned, Tara was looking upset in Xander's kitchen as the others all danced around. Willow tried to pull Saff to join them but she put a finger up to suggest that she would be a minute before walking over to Tara, pulling Spike along with her.

"What's wrong?"

"Yeah, why the long face Terror?" Spike asked. He liked the witch the most out of the rest of Saffron's friends, so pretending to pretend to care wasn't too hard. The nickname had been picked up because the girl was so meek in public, he thought he was being clever by calling her a 'terror'. Tara smiled shyly at the name, feeling the genuineness of the pair, before her face dropped again.

"She just won't stop"

"Stop what, T?"

"The magic… Willow uses it for any little thing. It's-it's like an addiction. I don't know what to do… how to help"

"Be there" Spike spoke up, before Saffron opened her mouth, twisting his arm around Saff's waist. The warmth she felt from the act made her smile softly. She really did appreciate how good he was to her. He had always stuck with her.

"Yeah, just try to show her your point of view. Hearing and knowing what I was doing to you all… hearing your perspective instead of trusting my own warped judgement… if it really is like an addiction it could help" She explained, before adding, "We'll all keep an eye on her, you're not alone T" she leant to pat Tara's hand and they felt the familiar ice-cold feeling. Tara nodded her thanks to the pair, appreciating that they had noticed her glumly sat by herself. Saffron was worried about Willow, looking at her as she danced happily. If it was the start of an addiction, there may be no stopping her. Saffron really would keep an eye out the best she could. They were about to launch into another conversation but that was interrupted by Giles switching the music off and calling them all to arms.

Buffy left her cell at the party and Giles picked it up when he saw that it was Janice's Mom. He explained to the room that Dawn was missing, she had told them she was sleeping over at Janice's and Janice had said she was staying at Dawn's.

"Ah, dipping into the classics" Xander commented as the others looked at each other. Spike and Saff both knew this _shocking_ revelation already.

"She's not missing, she's just being a teenager" Saff cut in, swatting them away.

"You knew didn't you?" Giles asked, exasperated as ever with the parenting skills Saffron did not possess. _She hated rules, why should she inflict them on Dawn?_

"Uh, no?" She tried before giving up, "Fine, you got me, but come on, give the girl a break!" She pleaded, if they kept checking up on Dawn and being so strict she would act out. She could feel it and besides, it was how she had been at Dawn's age. Giles didn't listen, he instead barked orders at the room and got Saff and Spike to trawl around the town on Halloween to find Dawn.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Spike, Saff and Buffy ran onto the scene just as Giles was becoming surrounded by vampires and Dawn was being held as a hostage by the vampire she had just been making out with in a car. Spike grabbed Giles' shoulder, making him jump.

"This a private party or can anyone join?"

"Where you parking?! With a vamp?!" Buffy asked Dawn in shock as Saff fell into a fit of laughter.

"I-I didn't know he was dead…" Dawn said, trailing off while Saffron was still laughing at the situation.

"Uh, living dead" The vampire she was with corrected.

"Shut the fuck up!"

"_Dawn!_ I can't believe you!" Buffy scolded her younger sibling, "Have you been hit on the head and woken up a carbon-copy of Saff!?"

"Uh, rude" Saff said, straightening up from her laughter.

"Oh, like none of you have fallen for a vampire"

"She makes a very good point" Saff muttered as Spike winked at her.

"That was different!" Buffy shouted over Saff's reply, making her roll her eyes.

"Uh, excuse me? Can we fight now?" one of the vampires that was surrounding them asked.

"Hey, didn't anyone come here to just make out?" Buffy asked, Spike and Saff just looked at each other and shrugged. They leaned in and Saff held the side of Spike's face as he took her waist in one hand and her back in the other, pressing her closer. She ran her hand up his chest as their lips parted, their kiss deepening despite what was going on around them. Dawn laughed despite the threat and Buffy just crossed her arms across her chest before they were all distracted by the fight. Giles eventually pulled them apart as everyone started charging at each other, "Fight!" he pointed towards the vampires. Saff balled her hand into a fist and threw a punch that sent the vamp that had been coming at her flying back onto a parked car. Her eyes widened and she stared at her clenched fist as if it was something shiny and new. Practice fighting against Buffy and Spike was one thing but being able to knock a vamp flying was something else. She didn't have much time to revel in it as she was knocked sideways by a vampire she hadn't noticed. Luckily she managed to kick him to the ground and dust him before he had chance to do any damage. She then ran over to where Spike was, dodging the others who were fighting, to see if she could offer any help.

"It's Halloween you nit!" he shouted as Saff ran to his side.

"Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules! We're rebels!" The vamp shouted as Spike blocked him quickly and headbutted him aggressively, sending him knocking backwards into a tree. She watched with a smile; he really was good at that.

"No, I'm a rebel, you're an idiot!" He shouted, clearly annoyed as he took the crossbow from his belt and hit it straight in the vamps heart _"Give the lot of us a bad name-"_ He muttered, but was quickly cut off by Saffron kissing him with a fiery heat. She didn't know what came over her, all she could say was seeing him like that was really hot. However, their kiss was cut short by a vampire coming out of nowhere and knocking Saffron off her feet. He landed on top of her, trying to restrain her, but she angled her knee and hit him in his groin as Spike pulled him off her and onto his back where he was writhing in pain. She managed to get to her feet and pull out her stake, but Spike got there first.

"Act a dick, you get hit in the dick!" Saffron shouted gleefully, dusting her hands off, "I knew it was easier with slayer strength!" she added as everyone regrouped after the fight.

"I mean, you could work on your puns, that was more of a strange saying that you made up on the spot" Buffy said, still repeating the phrase she had heard her cousin shout in her head.

"And, ah, your technique needs work" Giles said. And he meant it needed a lot of work.

"Hate to admit it, love, but Ripper's right. Grab your stakes and your smokes, it's gonna be a long night" He said, obviously still itching for a fight himself. He pulled her arm in the opposite direction and everyone could hear Saffron complaining about being tired from all the slaying she'd already done as they walked into the distance. This time, he wouldn't take no for an answer, he wouldn't let his girl walk around with a bloody hideous excuse for a fighting posture that could get her killed properly this time.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've changed my name here and on ao3 as I wasn't sure what I wanted to be called and turns out, it isn't mushroom lol! Thanks for the comments on here, there will be plenty more from Oleander soon, but this chapter is another teaser of him and the way he operates!
> 
> This is my take on once more with feeling (I think the original was great, and I couldn't add anything to it so I've done my own version that fits in with my storyline) xoxo

Chapter 46:

He walked through the house slowly behind the redhead. He smiled around the house, it seemed so homely. It was as if he had stepped into an American teen movie and shuddered at the thought, he could feel the cringe-factor just by walking through the house. It was nothing like where he grew up and he found himself hating her more for it. He followed her into the kitchen, he could feel past emotions as he went. Sex and anger was thick in the air and it made him smile wide. The misery that has torn through this home was delicious and he knew it would be easy to carry out his plan.

"I have to say, this is a charming home. How on _Earth_ did you manage to afford it, darling?"

"That's, um, a really long story. Plenty of subplots, there just isn't the time" Willow rushed, "D-do you have it?" Willow asked, her anticipation a slap in his face. He smiled at this. _Addict._

"Oh, no foreplay? It's as if you dressed the set of Sabrina the teenage witch, sweets" He drew out his words, staring around the room.

"Lee, come on, I need to try the spell"

"How much do you need it?" He moved to her and cornered her between the counter. Willow's eyes widened in horror as she realised what he meant.

"It's just girls now, Lee. I know you like men and women, well, that's what you said at the meetings but I'm only inviting you in for the magics. Just the harmless magics" Her words fell out of her mouth in a panic and he stared at her for a moment, before backing off.

"Mm, harmless" He said smiling, "I apologise for assuming, darling" he bowed his head slightly.

"So, uh, can I take a look?" Willow said reaching for the aged paper in his hands. The spell was powerful and she really needed to try it. She had outgrown the levitation and protection spells.

"Careful" He said, shrugging. Offering her the paper.

"Do you want to try it with me?"

"What kind of offer is that?"

"Platonic" Willow said too quickly. He shook his head, asking the directions to the bathroom instead. He swept out of the room, walking straight down into the basement instead. It was water damaged and he frowned when he saw it was mostly empty except some furniture not even Saff or Buffy could move and some soggy posters. He shrugged and took a small object out of his pocket, fixing it to the wall between one of her bookshelves that remained intact. He went up the steps two at a time and called his goodbye to Willow.

Willow was sat in the kitchen, grinding a powder out of the ingredients that were listed on the paper. She sprinkled it in front of her and started to draw the patterns and symbols needed for the spell. She heard in a meeting at her college that Lee wanted to make more friends that did magics and that's how their friendship had started a year ago. Tara had met him once before, but she didn't trust him so never went to the meetings with her again. Willow had collected trinkets from each of the Scoobies and laid them in a circle on the corners of the symbols.

"This is the bond, the bond of power. Let these idols mark our hearts, the place where love and loss have signed our fate. The power of trust is hard to break, our hearts and minds are ours to make but let us come as one. Each of us must bare our souls. Let the truth out, let the truth settle the cracks" Willow spoke with clarity, her eyes went black as she held her hands high, reciting the words. In her mind, a bonding spell for the group.

_Dawn was choreographing a dance routine to the pop song of the week. She had borrowed Saff's cd player, knowing Saff would be annoyed at her for playing pop music on it and dipped the spoon she was pretending was a microphone into a large bucket of ice cream every now and again. She knew Willow wouldn't mind as long as she didn't have the music too loud._

_Buffy was briskly walking out of a darkened back alley, wrapping her jacket around her as she looked around consciously. She flattened her hair down, some of it had come out of place. She sighed, taking the stake from her pocket and hurriedly leaving that side of town._

_Anya and Xander were eating dinner together, Anya was admiring her ring and Xander was admiring her. They ate and Anya washed up, before playing 'sexy monopoly' a game they had invented where sexual favours were traded for rent._

_Giles and Tara were sat in the Magic Box after hours. Tara was unaware that Willow had cast a spell to make her forget their recent arguments. They were reading over some aged papers, looking in vain for anything about a cold feeling between two people. The most they had found was that the pair had a connection, which was obvious. But why the cold?_

_Saff and Spike were in their crypt. Saffron was petting the kitten, stroking her and saying how cute she was. Spike was watching with a frown, he couldn't hide his jealousy of how much attention she was paying the cat. "Why do I have to bloody compete for affection with Angel everywhere I go?" He muttered as Saffron rolled her eyes, leaving a saucer of milk for the cat. She came back over and leaned to wrap her arms around Spike's neck as she made sure to give him her undivided attention._

_None of them saw sparks flying around them as Willow's spell started to work its magic._

The Order of the Eye was abuzz with excitement as the members all chanted, holding their hands to their eyes and swaying in time together. It was as if they moved as one, in his honour. Oleander smirked around the room, the chanting fading as he started to speak.

"The truth shall out and not one shall be relieved, let the cracks widen between the honeysuckle and her roots. Say it again, children, _once more with feeling…_" His voice rang through the hall he was sat in, surrounded by his devoted followers. His followers all laughed along with him as he waited for the spell to take effect.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Saff had felt unusual since early evening. Spike decided she was restless and had offered for them to find something to dust. He had been itching for a fight himself and his girl definitely needed the practice. It had been going well, that was until a group of demons had jumped them, armed with planks of wood they had used to unceremoniously whack Spike in the face with. Saffron had managed to dust three and the rest had sunk to the floor in pain when she had gotten mad at them beating Spike up. They had scurried away from the pair when they realised that the girl held too much power. Spike had told her she couldn't rely too much on her little party trick and she had assured him she hadn't known that she was doing it, but he was lucky that she had. She was still trying to get it under control, much to Giles' annoyance. He had expected her to make time for him every day for both training, researching and practising her emotion-control but with Anya now running the Magic Box, it was mostly _work work work_ when she was on her shift.

Saff was in one of Spike's black patterned shirts, lazily buttoned up as she straddled him, her pale thighs on either side of his lap. His hand was on one of her thighs, squeezing tightly every now and again and his other hand was balled into a fist, clutching the backrest of the couch. Saffron was concentrating, a tiny frown on her face as she clutched her tweezers and went back in while he had his eyes closed.

"_Ow!_ Bloody Hell, love!" He said, almost throwing her off his lap in protest. She was trying to remove the wooden splinters from his face where he had been hit by the plank of wood. One hand was on the side of his face, angling it up to the light of the lamp beside them so she could see what she was doing. Her hand, although setting him in place, was also providing what was supposed to be a calming influence except the vampire wouldn't stop making a fuss.

"Will you stop fucking squirming!"

"I don't know if you can bloody tell, but it fucking pinches!"

"Yeah, because you're moving! I'm grabbing skin instead of the wood! Stay still" He glared at her from his position, she rolled her eyes and he closed his eyes again. Wincing and trying to move his head away from her because of the pain from taking out the splinter.

She finally managed to remove all of the wooden splinters from his brow bone, much to Spike's relief. She kissed the place she had been working on softly and stroked his brow sympathetically as he dramatically exhaled. She offered him a plaster but he shook his head, rolling his eyes. Not bloody likely.

"How about you put something on the box and I'll fix you an old English cure for the pain" she winked, kissing his brow bone again softly before removing herself from her place on his lap. He was about to protest but got distracted when he flicked the tv on and noticed that Passions was on. She walked back, handing him a brandy and sat down next to him, draping her arms around him and nestling her head on his shoulder. He drank the liquor slowly, savouring it. She knew him too well, he had been thinking about having a drink while she was pulling what felt like an entire tree out of his face. He was proud of her for being so relaxed about him still drinking, he felt that it was hard for her but she was determined that he could still drink in front of her. He hoped that she could feel what he felt.

The rest of their evening stretched before them, they wouldn't be needed until late at the Magic Box. Saff got time off as there was a meeting and Saff was working stock during the night so she would get paid. They never usually got so much time, it was luxury.

"I love you" Saffron said out of nowhere, "It doesn't matter to me what you've done in the past, I know that I love you endlessly. I could never stop. I am completely and truly yours. Forever" She gushed quickly, but the feeling behind those words was so pure. It almost knocked him to the floor. She told him she loved him often, but never had she poured everything like this, not so earnestly and unprompted. He could tell that this was so honest, so pure. It was the way he had felt when she had let him into her mind but to hear her say it out of nowhere was something he cherished.

"I love you Honeysuckle, I always will"

"You're the fucking love of my life, Spike!" she exclaimed happily, not sure herself why she was speaking her thoughts out loud but it didn't seem to be hurting. Spike's grin was wider than the Cheshire cat's and she wished she had told him this sooner and more often. She peppered his face with kisses, showing him with every soft brush of her lips that he was loved. Adored. He didn't know what had come over her, but he didn't want it to stop.

They eventually managed to peel themselves away from each other long enough to walk to the Magic Box. On their way there, Spike had admitted something to her. It seemingly came out of nowhere.

"You complete me, Saffron" He had stopped dead in the middle of the street, looking down at the ground before continuing, "I hate sounding like such a whiny prat, but I finally get it. Like I'm bloody Angel or something. It's taken me centuries to see his bloody brooding and moaning over his tortured soul in love was just. I love you and I'd do bloody anything to keep you safe. You name it, it's yours... but I don't feel like I'm man enough. Good enough for someone so pure"

"Babe, you're the love of my life" She insisted, frowning as she wondered where this had come from. She knew he had been insecure, he had shown her his memories so she understood implicitly. She walked up to him, a hand rested on his shoulder as the other stroked his cheek.

"But is that enough, Honey? I get all these bloody feelings… All this shit like I want you to live a long human life bathing in the sun and bloody skipping in the meadows and all that bollocks"

"It's enough for me. You're enough for me. More than enough. You make me happy, you care for me when I'm doubting myself. I mean the crying? You've wiped every tear, and boy do I cry" She smiled as he did, their eyes not moving from the others as she continued to stroke his cheek softly, "I look at you and I know, I feel it with every essence of my being. You are my soulmate, Spike. You don't need one to be my soulmate. I know you feel it too" She finished tenderly. He nodded, he had felt the connection long before he had been able to admit it to himself. This woman. She knew everything and yet she wouldn't move from his side. It was love, in its truest form and they didn't know what either of them had done to deserve it.

Spike and Saffron walked happily into the store, Saff swinging their arms that were firmly clasped together, their fingers entwined. However, they were met with chaos. Their mouths opened wide as they watched everyone squabbling and fighting amongst themselves.

"What the bloody-" Spike was all but ready to turn around. He didn't need to get in the middle of all of this. Not bloody likely. He moved to take Saff's hand and take her back out of the door. But she had already left his side, she was standing on the table, _"balls"_ he muttered going to stand by her side so he could help her down when she had finished.

"What in the _fuck_ is going on in here?!" She shouted, calming the room down into silence. Everyone then started talking at once, they had all been squabbling about different things. Saffron sent another blanket of calm over the room, slowly making them all tail off. Nobody really knew what had come over them. She stepped down from the table and took Spike's hand to see what was going on around the research table.

The next hour was slightly fraught, with people speaking their thoughts out loud. Saff wasn't sure why nobody else was questioning it, maybe because it felt so normal. Dawn told Anya she didn't like her hair cut which made Anya turn and tell Dawn she dressed like an overgrown toddler. Saff had to influence them away from each other, she felt how upset Dawn was by this comment.

"It was me that cracked the glass display case!" Saff exclaimed out of nowhere. _Why the hell did she say that?_ She had been guilty about it but hadn't told anyone except Spike.

"We know" everyone chorused. It didn't take a genius considering she had been so clumsy lately but they had all been avoiding telling her they knew about it because they didn't want to upset her.

"You, ah, really must train by yourself more often, Saffron… I won't be here forever" Giles mumbled, looking down at the research he had been doing on her prophecy. Saffron just nodded along with what he said.

"I want to keep Angelina, she's so cute" Dawn admitted quickly. She had been cat-sitting when Spike and Saff were busy working.

"I really like that stupid bloody cat" Spike admitted at Dawn's words. He rolled his eyes at himself for admitting it. He didn't know why he said it out loud. He couldn't sulk for long. Saffron was beaming wider than he had ever seen her smile, _"I love you so much"_ She whispered. There was a silence for a while and it was comfortable, mostly because nobody was speaking. Something popped into Saff's head though and she couldn't close her mouth quick enough.

"I won my kitten by gambling for her" Saffron said, just as the thought popped into her head, "I wanted to save them all, but there was no time. We got kicked out. Poor little mites" she continued sadly.

"Who gambles for kittens?!"

"Spike" Saff replied and Spike gave her a look.

"And we're what? Surprised? He's never been good for Saff" Xander shrugged.

"I think you're an idiot and I know you're jealous that I'm with Saff when you never had a bloody shot" Spike raised an eyebrow for him to dispute this, but Xander wasn't able to. He saw Saff as a sister now, but there was a time (a very long time ago) where he hadn't felt that way.

"I only had a crush on her when she first moved to Sunnydale! The Xand-meister had a crush on everyone!" Xander spoke out loud, earning a jealous look from Anya. Dawn smiled, she had had a crush on Xander and decided she was included in everyone. The others looked around awkwardly for their friend who went bright red at the revelation._ I bloody knew it,_ Spike thought, then realised he had also said that out loud, "I'm nervous about marriage. How do I know she's the one?" Xander continued without being able to stop himself.

"And you think I'm over here having a picnic?!" Anya retorted, "Your eyes, they're beady and you're always squinting at me when I talk as if I'm speaking in tongues or something!"

"Half the time you get it wrong, An" Xander replied, "Hey! My eyes aren't beady! You wanna talk about bodies, huh? Your toes are hairy!" he exclaimed, pointing at her. Anya looked down at her toes and scowled at the man, walking away as the others just stared around awkwardly and Spike smiled smugly, wrapping an arm around Saff and enjoying the chaos he had caused. Anya and Xander walked off, arguing in the back room and then… not arguing anymore in the back room. Giles coughed as everyone started to hear the noises coming from the stockroom.

"I do not enjoy hearing the teenage sexual escapades of this group. Why am I the only seemingly sane one here?" Giles muttered the latter more to himself.

_"Sex-capades"_ Willow giggled at her own thought and reddened when she realised it had been said out loud.

"We're in our twenties!" Saff was quick to remind him, "Way to get over your chronic fear of talking about shagging in front of us though, G, I'm beyond proud" Saff teased the older man.

"At least they're not arguing anymore. It gives me tummy rumblings when cute couples fight… like Willow and Tara on Halloween" Dawn said. Dawn had never been the queen of tact, but this was something else. Saff rolled her eyes at her younger cousin, why bring up another fight now everyone seems in the mood for being honest?

"We-we didn't fight…" Tara frowned, which made Saffron stop dead.

"Yes you did T" She confirmed as Spike nodded along.

"It was about Red here using too much magic, you said it felt as if she was addicted. We had that talk, you do remember? What am I bloody giving out good advice for free for if it's not sodding remembered!"

"I am so _not_ addicted! None of you understand!" Willow shouted her thoughts, "Saff's the addict, did we all collectively forget that she was one with the meltdown that almost tore the entire group and the world apart?!"

"Thanks for that, Will. It's been a blast having my character reduced to being an addict once again" She said, tears in her eyes as she thought,_ I really fucking want a drink more than anything in this world_, as she stormed away. Her lips had been moving. Everyone had heard and they weren't able to be polite and not let her know. But she felt that they were being understanding. Spike went to Saff who was cooling off in the corner, still able to listen to what was going on. Spike and Saff whispered together, noting something was definitely going down. Giles came over to them, handing them some books telling them to read into truth spells, it hadn't gone unnoticed by him either.

"We think you should tone it down. You're using too much" Tara said, the others continuing their conversation with Willow.

"We? You're all talking about me behind me back. I knew it"

"We talk about you the usual amount, like we do with everyone" Buffy replied, rolling her eyes at herself and walked away, not wanting to reveal anything else.

"What did you do to me, Willow?"

"I cast a spell on you. To forget our argument" Willow admitted, unable to lie as she had intended.

"How could you! You know after everything… There'll be nothing left of me if you take my memories, pretend you can change the way I think and feel!" Tara's eyes started to well with angry tears and Saffron felt the anguish like a slap in the face, she couldn't bear what was happening in front of her.

"Hey, why don't we try to calm it. Anybody else noticed we've taken a left turn past squabble-central, heading straight for mass-hysteria lane? When have any of us been this brutally honest?" Saff interrupted, waving the book she was reading in at them.

"I think it's great!" Spike spoke up unhelpfully, smiling around the room as he flipped over some pages without actually reading. Willow ignored the pair's words, pleading with Tara, "I love you, baby. I hate it when we fight. I needed you to forget about it, I didn't realise everyone had been talking about me" But Tara couldn't look her in the eyes. Saffron snapped her book shut, standing up to speak to Willow for her friend.

"Oh, perfect, so you would have wiped all of our memories" She said annoyed at her, "That's not how you treat someone you love, Will"

"It's fine for you Saffy, you skip through life like you're in a romance novel" Willow bit back, still trying to take Tara's hand in hers.

"Ok, well you're the one in the wrong, Will. Stop blaming me for your problems. You clearly fucked with Tara's head. Me and Spike have never warped each other's memories" She looked at Spike as he nodded his head in agreement. He was eyeing the witches, unsure what was coming next. He'd never heard Red say something like that before to Saff, he was starting to think she wasn't the nicest friend. Or something was influencing the girl who seemed to shake slightly, as if in withdrawal, as she tried desperately to cling to her girlfriend's hand.

Tara and Willow walked off together, Saff could feel what Tara was about to do. This wasn't going to be good. Her heart broke for the pair. Giles started to discuss the research into spells with the remaining people in the room. They needed to get out of this and fast.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It was later in the evening, Giles had made sure all of them stayed in the Magic Box despite the chaos that was going on. Anya and Xander had returned from their time in the stockroom and were filled in on what had gone on with Willow. Buffy had been eerily quiet throughout the situation, as if not paying much attention, opting to not talk to anyone and stick to the shadows. It was as if she was avoiding the others so she wouldn't have to speak what was going on in her mind. Saff was struggling, she had once wished she could hear the thoughts going along with the emotions but now she was glad that she usually didn't. Everyone was speaking their mind and being brutally honest with it too. This wasn't good. There was already one break-up in the group, what else was going to happen?

"Has anyone seen my healing stone? It was behind the counter, now it's gone" Tara asked, looking around. Her mood hadn't improved since her earlier conversation with Willow. It had been hard breaking up with her. But she had to do it. Messing with her head after everything? She just wanted to go home now despite Giles trying to keep everyone in one place while he went to read up on what could be causing this. Tara wasn't one to overtly challenge the rules, but she needed her stone and she needed her bed. She may not be back here for a while.

"I took it" Dawn said nonchalantly before clapping her hands over her mouth and going bright red. Anya looked up from her stock list, she had noticed that some of her merchandise was missing. She scowled at Dawn and walked over to her.

"What about my merchandise?" Anya said angrily, rounding on Dawn to see what she said.

"Took three amulets, the jar of bone dust and the crystals" Dawn listed off, her hands still over her mouth. It was muffled but everyone could hear her.

"Dawny! What did I say about stealing! Only when you absolutely need it" Saff hissed at her cousin.

"Or perhaps not at all" Buffy said, scowling at the pair.

"This wasn't because of me was it? I shouldn't have taken those crystals in front of you, you're all young and impressionable" The last part slipped out, she hadn't meant to say that to Dawn. Shit. She'd tried so hard to help her feel like one of the gang.

"What crystals?!" Buffy asked, but Dawn shouted over her.

"I'm not young or impressionable! I'm not a kid, Saff!"

"No! You're a little thief!" Anya shouted.

"Why, Dawn?"

"Because none of you notice me and-" Dawn started to explain but she was quickly cut off by Giles' thought and everyone's attention turned to him.

"What is going on? Has anyone else noticed that we're all just saying the first thing that comes to mind?" Giles noted, trying to make everyone else aware of the situation more urgently.

"It hasn't affected me" Anya said, shrugging and snatching the items Dawn had hidden in her backpack.

"You always speak your mind, An" Saff reminded her as Anya shrugged and started to put all her merchandise back on the shelf that had been taken by Dawn.

"Best way" Spike said, eyes lingering on the vengeance demon, dipping his head. Saffron liked that the pair sort of got on even if Spike had to take a break from her to complain about how much she wouldn't shut up sometimes. Xander, on the other hand didn't and so he glared, pulling Anya into his side.

"No arguments here, but I mean the truth could come across a little nicer from some of us" Saffron continued, rolling his eyes at her friend's action.

"Anyone have any clue what we're dealing with here?" Xander asked, still clinging to Anya.

"It's my spell" Willow suddenly admitted.

"Of course it is" Tara said sadly, sitting herself down now she had her stone back.

"What spell Willow?" Willow reached in her pocket and handed it to Giles and he walked off shaking his head and muttering as he looked for a spell to reverse it. He was annoyed with the redhead, she was using magic that should not be touched. Although he was glad Saff and Buffy were back, she shouldn't have harnessed the dark magics like that and this spell appeared to be another one of the dark magic spells. In fact, it was from the same book. A dangerous book. How had she got a hold of this?

"Why, Will?" Saffron asked as Giles set to work.

"It was Lee, he-he said things would go smoother and there's been so much of the long faces, I thought we'd all be- I thought things would go back to how it was before-before-"

"Before we both died?" Saff offered and Willow nodded, "Wait, who's Lee?"

"My friend, well I thought he was a friend, from-from my GSA club"

"Describe _Lee_ for me" Saff said, knowing what was coming.

"Creepy" Tara whispered, shuddering.

"Well, he's tall, always clean-shaven, probably a little older than us... Oh! He has a septum piercing"

_"Shit"_ Saff, Spike and Dawn said at the same time. Buffy gave Dawn a stern look but she shrugged, insisting it was the weird truth/speak your mind spell.

"It's fucking Oleander! The corrupted!" Saffron elaborated for the rest of the room as Giles took his glasses off rubbing his eyes. It was worse than he thought, "I met him. He's horrible and I have no chance to defeat him" Saff casually slipped from her mouth, rolling her eyes at what she had admitted.

"And you didn't think to mention it?" Buffy asked, annoyed, "You can't stop yourself lying can you?" Buffy hugged herself as she spoke as if she it protect herself from everyone's gaze.

"I didn't think he'd be corrupting the whole fucking gang did I?" Saffron bit back, "I told Dawn and Spike, I just didn't have chance to tell the rest of you. There's no big conspiracy, I've been working two jobs and trying to get used to breathing again and to top it all off, I'm now living out of a crypt because my room is still a wreck after the water damage"

"Oi, what's wrong with the crypt?" Spike cut in before Buffy could apologise.

"It's a crypt, Spike!"

"And? Now's not the time to be picky love, you've been in a coffin the last few months my place is a step up when you think of it"

"You know I love staying with you, I'm just saying, a crypt is a crypt. It's always freezing, the carpet burn when we're fucking on the floor is painful-"

"Yes, well, shall we get back to the matter at hand? The corrupted is here and we need to prepare, first order of business being to get us out of this spell so I don't have to listen to Saffron and Spike's bedroom talk" Giles took charge, gesturing at the books he needed them to actually read rather than fighting. Saff went a shade of pink she wasn't used to as she had revealed something she didn't actually want anyone to know about. A thought popped into her head at his words and she tried to fight against her mouth opening. But there she was, speaking her mind. Again.

"It's actually very rare that we fuck in the bedroom, _at least not the first-time round-"_ Saffron started to explain to the room as she started to go redder. Spike managed to hush her voice into a muffled whisper as he clamped a firm hand over her mouth to save her from further embarrassment. He was enjoying himself at the turn of events, but he knew that she wasn't. She was open about sex, but she didn't like Giles or Dawn hearing about it so much. Everyone's eyes scattered, feeling the embarrassment permeate through the room. It was so strong and they felt her embarrassment so acutely they went in opposite corners to research by themselves.

The feeling of the room was tense to say the least. Everyone was pissed off with at least one person in the room. Arguments had gotten heated and everyone was still speaking their mind. Saffron was walking down the ladder backwards from the higher level in the Magic Box where the off-limits books were kept and Spike was enjoying the view as he waited for her to get to the ground level. She smiled at him, raising her eyebrows at him as he pouted slightly when she turned around. She gave him a quick kiss and then pulled him with her as she did another round trying to keep the peace between the group. She was exhausting herself maintaining a calming influence, it was as if something or someone was working against her.

Saffron sat on the chair next to Buffy who was still in the corner of the room out of the way of everyone else, trying her best to keep her mouth shut.

"Buff you okay?"

"No" Buffy replied, wincing as she admitted it. Saffron's eyes widened and she sat next to Buffy, a hand resting on her shoulder.

"What-"

"Don't-"

"What's wrong?" Saffron completed, knowing Buffy wouldn't have a choice in answering. Spike came and sat across from the pair, making sure he stayed with his girl.

"Ever since we died, I've felt so empty… lost. I don't wanna be here and there's so much we have to do. So much responsibility. I haven't got a job and you have two, nobody ever sees you because you're working and all I can do is try to keep breathing but it's so hard I'm not sure that I… _want to"_ Buffy started to cry at the end, so it was hard for Saffron to hear was she was saying. She was worried though. Really fucking worried, not just because she couldn't feel any of this from her cousin. She moved to hug her and was about to open her mouth and comfort her, but someone's thoughts got there first.

"Well, you've been dealt a bad hand, Slayer" Spike rolled his eyes at himself as he couldn't stop himself adding, "Way I see it, you're doing your best with a bad lot" He nodded along with his words as Buffy looked up, wiping her face. Spike was horrified with himself for helping her, but it was what he really felt. There was a silence between the three of them for a long while, Buffy managed to stop crying and Saff patted Buffy's shoulder and went to sit on Spike's lap.

"I'm proud of you, even though I know the spell made you say it out loud, you still wanted to offer the comfort" she whispered, before beaming up at him. They shared a quick, loving kiss before being interrupted by Buffy.

"Please will you do that somewhere else" Buffy couldn't help but say bluntly at the lovers, it hurt to see everyone so in love when she felt so alone.

They had to call it a night. They had been at the Magic Box too long, they needed to sleep and step away from everyone for now. Dawn was giving Saffron and Spike a constant running-commentary on her exact thoughts as they stepped out into the cool air of the night. The pair told Buffy they would take Dawn somewhere out before they dropped her back at Revello. Buffy nodded, not really listening, she wouldn't open her mouth to speak again. Not after revealing so much to the lovers before. Spike told Dawn that he was going to teach her the _'quiet game_', a fun game where he would make a competition out of seeing how long Dawn can stay completely silent for. Saff rolled his eyes at him as did Dawn, although they knew that she would at least try to play the game to prove to Spike that she could keep quiet. Saff walked ahead slightly, leaving Spike to explain all the rules to the quiet game (which didn't take long). Saff lit a cigarette, chucking the lighter towards Spike when he motioned out of the corner of her eye for it. They could have a conversation by just staring in each other's eyes it appeared to the others, so nobody was shocked when she threw it and he caught it without either of them seeming to have been able to see the other. Saff caught up to Tara, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"How you doing, T?"

"I don't want to talk right now, Saff. I just need some space, have a bubble bath and sleep" Tara said, her mind speaking for her. Tara had made arrangements to stay over at her friend Jen's for the night, she couldn't face moving out tonight.

"No worries, T. But please, when all of this crap is over, talk to me?" Saff asked Tara, "I promise I care and everybody still wants you here. Don't start avoiding the group, we love you as much as we love Will" Saffron continued unashamedly. It was true but she would have at least tried to hide some of it in humour if she wasn't speaking her exact thoughts. Tara smiled at her warmly and Saffron felt that the worry had lifted from her mind in some sense. The others all split up to go their separate ways and try to sleep for the night as Spike, Dawn and Saff walked to find something to keep them occupied. None of them would be able to sleep.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It was the next day and Giles had called an emergency meeting to try to reverse the spell. Everyone was back and everybody was trying to keep their mouths shut.

"The spell is the eternal truth, a spell that should not be attempted especially not by yourself" Giles sent a look towards Willow who ducked her head, "There is a counter-spell but it will take an hour to prepare. It was taken from the book of Osiris"

"So it's like the spell that brought Buff and SP back?"

"The very same" Giles nodded, it couldn't be a coincidence that they were from the same book, "The spell to return them, ah, appeared to last without a problem which is incredibly fortunate so it is unlikely that this spell will be easy to reverse without some serious focus which will not happen if we are all squabbling like children"

"Let me help, Giles?" Willow offered, knowing she could help translate it. Giles reluctantly agreed, knowing out of everyone Willow would be the most help.

"The sacrifice that was undertaken by the pair was the lynchpin that allowed for their resurrection, however, and so hopefully with a bit of careful translation, I should, ah, be able to reverse the current spell with the other being unchanged"

"I didn't" Saffron suddenly said. It had been in her thoughts, but she resigned herself to what she was about to admit.

"What?"

"I didn't sacrifice myself" Saffron admitted, the tears already welling in her eyes.

"Never thought you were Modest-girl Saff"

"No. I mean it. I-I didn't sacrifice myself for Dawn" She said, cringing as everyone stared at her. She could feel their shock, "I fell. I ran after Buffy, I knew she had to sacrifice herself but I tried to stop her and I fell, I was weak after- with Glory- and I tripped and fell in. I was meant to stay and protect Dawn, what with the empathetic nature and all" It kept tumbling out of her mouth, she couldn't stop the words from falling, "I was supposed to protect her and I failed and I hear all of this praise that I don't deserve and the guilt- the guilt is…" Tears were slowly rolling down her cheeks as Spike walked over to envelope her in a hug. He had bloody known she shouldn't have gone up against the Hell-God. He had argued against it at the time. He held her tight, knowing how much this was hurting. He wished she had told him this earlier. He felt it now, the guilt. He held her flush to him, cradling her head softly as he felt her sobs as if they were his. She wouldn't hide from him and she openly sobbed against him as he whispered that he knew in his heart that she would have died for Dawn no matter what.

He finally let go, knowing the others would want some touchy-feely moment with her. He was right. They took it in turns hugging her, telling her they knew her. She would have done it regardless. Dawn walked up to her, Saff didn't want to look her in the eyes. She was embarrassed.

"What you did-" Saffron shook her head, I didn't fucking do anything, she thought which, of course, was said aloud, "What you did was special. You _totally_ went up against Glory for me! A Hell-God! Saff, look at me! I know you would have sacrificed yourself. I know you" Dawn said assuredly, and Saff felt how genuine she was being. The faith her friends had surrounded her. Despite how she felt that she didn't deserve it. Dawn pulled her into a hug, both with tears in their eyes. They hugged for a moment as the others didn't speak, feeling sorry for their friend in her guilt. Buffy stared blankly at her family, she had been the only one that hadn't walked to hug Saffron. Xander asked her quietly what was wrong. Buffy fought against it, but spoke up while her younger relatives were still hugging.

"I think I was in heaven" She whispered, pausing before repeating louder, "I was ripped out of heaven and now I'm here" Dawn and Saff slowly moved from their hug to stare wide-eyed at Buffy. She had been where?!

"Buffy?" Willow asked, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Everyone was shocked into more silence.

"What do you mean you were in heaven?"

"There was no pain, no fear, no doubt until you pulled me out of Heaven and now, I live in Hell… I have nothing. Please, give me something to fucking fight for…" a tear finally escaping her eye as she said it to the worried people around her. She felt it more because of her newfound gift thanks to Saffron. Despite everything, Tara comforted Willow as she cried. She had never meant to hurt either of them.

After a long pause, Giles managed the reversal spell. Everyone was silent as the news of the past few days ripped the fabric of the group to shreds. From outside the store window, Oleander smiled, feeling the anguish. He had been watching them for the last few days, revelling in it. His second-in-command, Sister Stephanie, was with him and they had ducked into the adjacent alleyway as the group solemnly walked out of the store, going their separate ways.

"Oh, darlings, where do you go from here?" He whispered, impressed how easily it was to separate the group that was supposed to be her support network. Connections were weakening. The old man that the girl sees as a father was leaving. Even better.

The only problem was that, for the most part, Saffron's friendships were still intact. She had managed to comfort them all in that fickle way she still believed to be the truth. Oh well, he would change that with time. She whipped her head around, feeling emotions from the alleyway he had snuck into. He quickly blocked her and she shrugged, looping her arm with Dawn's as she walked away.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'd like to thank you all for such lovely comments on here - you're all absolute gems !!   
Just informing any of you that like spike x reader stories, I have a tumblr account (prose-for-hire) and I take requests on there for short little stories in case waiting for the next chapters of this has you longing for more Spike content. I also take requests for most other buffyverse characters too! So, this is tabula rasa - hope you enjoy ! xoxo

Chapter 47:

It had been a few weeks since the spell Saffron was painting her room to hide the water damage. Saffron had fastened her hair back with a black bandana, keeping it off her face and in a low ponytail so it was out of her way. She was wearing a large light-coloured man's shirt, with the sleeves rolled up as if she were an extra in an eighties coming-of-age drama. All she needed was some shoulder pads and a chunky belt to complete the look. She didn't know who's the shirt was and she was hoping against everything that she wasn't wearing something Riley had left. She had taken all of her jewellery off, except her hoops, to save them from any stray paint as she started to roll a thick coating along the walls. She was painting the room a boring white, not really caring for what colour it would be as she would have her posters up soon enough. It was the cheapest paint she could find and she had used a fake employee discount voucher to buy it considering they had no money. She decided it would be worth it to have somewhere permanent to live again.

Spike had been extra attentive since she revealed what had happened last summer. He was always with her during the little time she had off, offering small reassurances and holding her extra close during the hours that their sleep overlapped. She enjoyed living with him and decided they could either take turns in living in either place or she would try again, in vain, to convince him to move out of the crypt he was so fond of. She loved the crypt and living with Spike but she really did miss the home comforts.

The door slammed and she heard heavy foot-fall descending down the stairs. She whipped around, to see a man wearing a grey tweed suit, complete with elbow patches. Her jaw dropped in shock. It was Spike.

"They're after me love!" he shouted, clutching his chest as if he was getting his breath back, "Loan shark – 40 siamese"

"Shit!" Saffron muttered, closing all the blinds at the top where the ground level was, "You can't have Angelina!" She squints at him and points dramatically as he straightened up.

"No, I can't. Does she look sodding Siamese to you, love!?" he rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Calm it!" She said, moving to him and checking him over, noticing a graze on the size of his face that she stroked softly, "You're safe now, no need to panic! I'm right here" she whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt so lucky that he had her. She accepted him, all parts of him. They were in it together. They held each other in the middle of the half-painted room for a moment before Saffron had an idea. Something to take his mind off everything.

"Well, the sitter's got Angie so maybe we could… relieve you of your suit? You've been working awful hard this month" She change her accent as she slipped his suit jacket off, letting it fall to the floor as she smiled up to him. Her hands resting on his chest.

"Mm, yeah… All for you, uh, dollface" Spike went along with her act. He couldn't think of a pet-name and this was definitely the wrong one. Saff shook her head, telling him to cut it out. It reminded her too much of Graham. She wanted a fun little roleplay not to be reminded of the most boring sex of her life, "Uh, I meant sweetness…" He replied smoothly, they were using old-fashioned American accents, spike humouring her as she enjoyed the theatrics. She stared up at him, a glint in her eye at his bad mock-American accent.

"Well, it's a mighty fitting suit for such a handsome husband" She loosened the tie, slowly unbuttoning his under-shirt, "I can fix you some dinner" She mumbled into the side of his neck as she trailed soft kisses on his skin.

"You tellin' me dinner's not already on the table? What _have_ you been doing all day?" He purred, pulling her chin up to face him as if he was chastising her.

"Staring out the window, with no company except my cigarettes and coffee" She explained, an overexaggerated pout on her mouth, "I've been waiting, pining, the whole day long until my man returned to me" She explained, putting the back of her hand to her forehead in mock despair. He met her pouting lips, kissing hotly. He loved it when she was playful like this, expressing his passion and thanks to her for standing by his side. They were starting to get into the kiss, he slid his hand expertly unbuttoning her shirt.

"Mm, I can cure you of your loneliness, love" He smirked, his accent slipping through as he dropped the act, took her hips firmly and pushed her up against the wall. She knew she would get bruises there in the morning, sometimes Spike forgot she was human in his desire. He started to leave hot, sloppy kisses up her neck, dragging his blunt teeth along the mark on her neck and sucking slightly. She moaned, unable to bite it back making him smirk, she started to fumble with his suit pants, trying to figure out how to undo them but Spike removed himself from her neck for a second, shaking his head and moving her wrists and holding them firmly by her sides. She moaned again, making Spike smirk cockily at the way he barely had to do anything without her responding so well.

Saffron woke up on the floor, her legs tangled between Spike's. They were wrapped in a paint splattered sheet that was meant to be protecting the room, not them from the cold. Saffron stared at the wall and rolled her eyes, the paint she had taken ages in applying (with no help from the others, she might add), was all scuffed from someone pressing her roughly against it. She could feel annoyance from the people above her. _Crap. She was late._ She woke Spike up and told him to grab his blanket, they were going to the Magic Box. He mumbled something incoherent and rolled over. She dressed back in her painting clothes and rushed upstairs to the bathroom to clean the paint that was splattered across her skin.

Saff was wiping off the paint quickly, having shouted her apologies to everyone as she ran up to the bathroom.

"You missed a bit" Buffy said from the doorway. She was pointing at her upper arm.

"Oh, thanks" She smiled at her cousin, "It's, uh, messy business… the painting… you know" Saffron rushed out. She wasn't sure why she felt so awkward. Maybe it was because she couldn't feel Buffy's emotions properly, it made her feel as if she was at a disadvantage.

"You were loud last night and even if you weren't, I felt what you were feeling. Have you, um, always been able to feel it when I-"

"Had an orgasm in the house? Yeah, unfortunately, you never get used to that. Sorry" Saff shrugged, back to feeling more herself now that Buffy was being honest with her. There was a pause as Saff finished washing off the paint the best she could. She'd have to shower later when she wasn't ridiculously late. Buffy stared at the ground and the brunette decided it had to be said, "So, uh, heaven then?"

"Yeah, that's where I went"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Won't help" Buffy shrugged, not looking Saff in the eye.

"Look, we both died Buff. If anyone understands, it's me. Please stop shutting me out…" Saff pleaded, "is that why you feel lost? You're not alone, I'm here"

"It's okay, Saff. We don't have to do this" Buffy pulled on her sleeves, as if she was cold as she spoke.

"I know I never went to heaven, but, just talk to me… please?" Saffron considered asking why she couldn't feel her emotions, wanting to know if it was on purpose, but Buffy could tell what was coming.

"You _fell_ in?" Buffy suddenly asked, distracting her with a hint of a smile. It was typical Saffron.

"Don't start Buff! It was slippy up there!"

"I knew it wasn't supposed to happen but I didn't realise that you-" Buffy started before grinning, "You always have to be like me! My clone all young and copying-of-me" Buffy teased, knowing Saffron was finally able to see the humour in it rather than the guilt. She was a bit sore that Buffy had been to heaven and she had been, well, nowhere but she decided not to dwell on it. After the reassurance from the others, she had more faith in herself. Dawn was just pleased she was back and she felt that everyone genuinely had faith in her that even if she hadn't fallen, she wouldn't have thought twice about sacrificing herself with Buffy.

"Give it a rest, Buff! We're the same fucking age!"

"You keep telling yourself that and I'll be waiting by the front door because of your youthful lateness" Saff rolled her eyes and threw a towel at Buffy who ran downstairs too quickly for it to hit her. _Was it an act or was her cousin's mood improving?_

Saffron finally descended the stairs after a quick change of clothes, "_Ohmygod,_ you are, like, _blind_ blind!" Dawn shouted, having taken and tried on her glasses. Saff snatched them back and put them on her face, having to wear her thick-rimmed glasses as she couldn't find her contacts. There was no time as she was already late, "Can you guys come in here?" Dawn asked.

"Dawn, we're late. Saff decided to be paint-girl and she's made us hours late for the magic box – Giles needs us all there" Buffy's previous good mood was gone. She knew Giles was leaving. She resented him for it.

"It'll only take a second!" She insisted as her older sisters followed, "Look!" she smiled handing the pair matching silver chains, one had a purple stone, amethyst and the other an opal with a silver tint running through it. No guesses who got which. Dawn pulled her own from round her neck to show them, hers a jade green.

"Did you pay for these?"

"Janice's mom makes them, I totally spent all my allowance on them, but you're back and I thought we could all wear them" Dawn smiled as Saff grinned and even Buffy had a smile on her face for once.

"I still feel the connection, I love you both" Dawn revealed as the three girls smiled, and they swore they could all hear a slight crackle of electricity around them as they held their respective necklaces.

"I feel it too" Buffy said, smiling tightly.

"Dawn surprise! This is the coolest!" Saff grinned, fastening the necklace on her adding it to the collection around her neck.

"Thanks, Dawn, we need to go" Buffy said. She smiled, side hugged the girl and then walked through the front door leaving the other two trailing behind her.

They walked to the Magic Box in perfect weather. The kind where blue skies looked like a painted canvas and clouds like candyfloss. There were mowers sounding all around them and everyone they passed seemed to be in a good mood. Probably because there was little chance of coming across a demon in the middle of such a glorious day. Willow stayed behind to 'get ready' insisting she would at the Magic Box soon and Spike had to go and steal another suit, the other he had stolen somehow had paint staining it. He needed the disguise.

Saffron was slowly shuffling her Tarot cards, not really thinking much about anything. She was trying to focus her mind, the voices had kind of been flaky on her recently and she was trying her best to reconnect. Tara walked up to Saff in the corner, she had been stood on her own and Willow was staring at her from across the room which made her sad. So she went to speak to Saff instead, having to double-take when she saw her wearing glasses.

"Hey T, you want a reading?" she asked, moving her glasses back from where they had slipped using her middle finger. _I fucking hate glasses,_ she grouched.

"I've done one myself this morning, Saffy. It wasn't great"

"_Three of swords_?" Saff asked, guessing it would be. Tara nodded, the typical despair after a breakup card. The card reflected the pain inflicted by words, actions and intent on the emotional and physical self which was basically everything Tara was struggling with right now. It didn't take an empath to figure it out. Saffron's face snapped up to Tara's, she grabbed her hand, bracing the cold feeling as she started to speak.

"_Your heart has been driven so wild that every insignificant thought vanished and left only fractures of memories. The steamy romance of your youth would in time become a love crossed, do not allow it to be a love lost. Do not take the blame upon yourself. This is what must be done, do not fret or tremble for the decision was clear_"

"That's exactly what I felt when I picked the card…" Tara said, wide-eyed. She didn't get a voice, more of an abstract feeling when she read the cards. But Saffron's words echoed the exact feeling it had conjured up. Saffron just shrugged at how impressed Tara was, letting go of her friend's hand and relieving them of the cold feeling.

"Hey, at least the powers are talking to me again. It was kinda lonely with my own thoughts rattling about by themselves"

"The words, they're kind of familiar… don't you think?"

"What I have to memorise all of the power's words now? It's bad enough pretending to care when one of their messengers interrupts my day. Maybe you've had a similar card before? Maybe you were warned before it happened?" Saffron offered. She didn't recognise the words even a little bit. She decided to change the subject as she shuffled her cards again, "So, any joy on the cold front?"

"Well, other than packing us matching mittens in case we have to touch, Zilch" the quieter brunette shrugged, "It doesn't help that you always seem to take my hand without warning, Saffy"

"I don't bloody do it on purpose! Are we sure it even has to mean anything? Maybe it's just like a reminder we're alive? Keeping us young, you know?"

"I'll keep looking" Tara said, unconvinced as Saff shrugged. She was sure things would be okay.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They were all finally in the Magic box, just in time for Giles to reveal his big news that Buffy had already found out about. She had told him to tell them, clearly annoyed about it.

"I am, ah, returning to England" Giles revealed and everyone was in shock, except Buffy who already knew. Saffron walked up to him and hugged him. She knew he was feeling apprehensive about letting her out of everyone know, but she wasn't letting him off that easy.

"Why in the fuck would you wanna go back to that ugly little rock?"

"Saffron, I have a house, a life and a job to do there"

"Sold your soul for a little Watcher lovin' then?" She chided with a wink as Giles rolled his eyes and looked around awkwardly.

"You have told me before that you have many fond memories of England, you must know that I was not always going to stay"

"So, I'm Karate chopping the Corrupted myself?" She raised an eyebrow before smiling, showing she wasn't being serious.

"It can only be you" He said, hugging her again warmly, "I'm only a phone call away and you could visit if you ever needed to" He was used to her act by now and they knew they cared for the other as a father and daughter would. Saffron was unaware that Buffy was mad, the Slayer felt his emotions the same, although less so than Saffron, so she didn't understand why Saffron was being so understanding. Especially because she had a prophecy coming up.

Buffy didn't have time to say what she was feeling on the matter because Spike rushed in, out of breath despite not actually needing to breathe, and pleading asylum from the group. He already knew Saffron would plead his case, but he thought he might as well. He hauled himself up to sit on the counter and Saffron sat up next to him just in time for everyone in the room to collapse.

The pair both rolled off the counter, the bleach-blonde haired man screamed, landing on top of the woman. They stared into each other's eyes. A moment that they were sure to remember, if they could only figure out who they were and how they managed to get so lucky as to fall into the other's laps. It was as if destiny had brought them here.

"Your beauty it… glows"

"Oh, uh, thanks. You're, uh, good to look at- I mean I wasn't really looking-" she moved her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, that had slipped as they fell, looking away slightly, feeling naked to his gaze.

"Sure you weren't" He said, shaking his head a fraction, knowing that she definitely was. He bit his lower lip and raised his eyebrows as he watched her trying to formulate words from under him.

"Okay, I was definitely looking. Do we know each other?" she asked, propping herself up using her elbows on the floor. Meaning their faces were closer than ever.

"Think I'd remember stumbling into someone like you"

They could hear voices. They had been down there a long time. Just staring. They popped up to find a room full of strangers. American strangers. Everyone seemed confused, trying to figure out who everyone was. The man in the corner started to panic, despite insisting that he wasn't panicking. There was a petite red head, a brunette that made her shiver and an older man with a younger blonde woman nearest her. The man that had landed on her couldn't seem to take his eyes off her and she found herself blushing. She didn't usually do that… did she? She felt herself glancing at him every so often and smiling. They all realised they were in a magic shop, but none of them knew how they had got there or who they were. Weird. The older man started to speak, she hadn't really been listening until the bleach-blonde man next to her spoke up.

"Oh, listen to Mary Poppins! He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so- Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh, God. _I'm_ English!"

"Welcome to the Nancy tribe"

"Some of us are nice" the only English woman in the room added, "A really, really small minority" She shrugged as she could feel suspicion surrounding her in the room towards the two Englishmen. Did she always feel everything so much? She leaned against the counter, trying to prop herself up as everything descended on her at once. It was almost debilitating. Feeling.

"You don't suppose you and l - We're not related, are we?" The man beside her asked the older man.

"There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance"

"And you do inspire a well, a particular feeling of familiarity and disappointment."

"Father. Oh God, how I must hate you. What's with the trollop? I saw you. Sleeping together."

"Resting together! And anyway, you and this, ah, young lady appeared to wake up in a rather compromising position"

"Look! It's OK. We're engaged. Oh, it's a lovely ring" the blonde woman said excitedly to her fiancée.

"Great. A tarty step mum, half old Daddy's age"

"At least she has a rock" Saffron said playfully, pouting. She held her hands out, showing her hands had a ring on every finger except the left ring-finger.

"I'm wearing a suit ain't I? how do you know I'm not about to propose?"

"I don't and neither do you!" she laughed. _I joke when I'm uncomfortable, noted_. The bleach-blonde man stared, a smile playing on his lips. He really would marry this woman; he could feel it in his bones. _Fate or destiny or any of that bollocks._ They all realised that they could look at their ID's to figure out who they were, and everyone that had one quickly introduced themselves. They tried to remember each other's names and how they might be connected. The woman found a small card in her pocket and held it up to the light so she could see it.

"I'm… Cleopatra Summers" She read out loud, trying to get used to her name, "Uh, you can call me Cleo if you like" She whispered to the bleach-blonde and he smirked, eyeing her slowly. She did a little wink, clearly becoming more confident in his presence. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to introduce himself. He started to check his pockets for ID and then checked in inside of his suit.

"_"Made with care for Randy."_ Randy Giles? Why not just call me horny Giles, or desperate-for-a-shag Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you." Cleo couldn't help sniggering at the way he spoke. He was funny and his accent was nice, a mix between North London and American. She could listen to him speak for hours.

"Randy's a family name, undoubtedly"

"It's, uh, not that bad" She said as he glared at her, sulking, "It's… unique" she offered. An unspoken feeling told him it didn't matter to her what he was called, she felt it too. She felt their connection. The brunette looked over to the two girls in the corner, they seemed to be talking amongst themselves. She felt something familiar about them, but it just wouldn't come to her head.

"Joan? I like it. I feel like a Joan" The blonde woman, Joan, said as Cleo approached.

"Are you- are you sure?" Cleo asked, pulling an identical face to the one the younger brunette, Dawn, was pulling.

"What? We can't all be the Queen of the Nile" Joan teased.

"Fine. Let her. That's your purgative"

"Prerogative"

"Whatever, Joan"

"Whatever, Umad" Joan retorted, referring to Dawn's original joke about her possible name. Cleo rolled her eyes and sighed, this seemed familiar too. Dawn and Joan realised they must be sisters, and excitedly hugged. They looked back at Cleopatra, realising they felt the same connection with her.

"Uh, maybe you're our cousin or something?" Dawn offered kindly as they both included her on the hug.

"Oh, yeah. Your _English_ cousin? Don't be bloody ridiculous!"

"It could be true"

"I mean, imagine! Unless I had a complicated but ultimately believable backstory, I suppose…" Cleo tailed off, seemingly in deep thought. The English cousin was usually evil and she didn't feel evil. Well, she felt everything else from the rest of the room, so maybe she was hiding something?

"You're family. I can feel it" Joan said with conviction.

"Well, you also feel like a Joan, so I'll just wait for the DNA results on that one" Cleo joked, smiling at the two girls. She turned to look at the rest of the group in their own conversations, but he wasn't speaking to the others. Randy was staring at her, a glint in his eye. She could feel his presence wherever she turned. It was as if they were meant to be together. But how could she know that when she wasn't even convinced about her own name?

"Look! Our necklaces! They match!" Dawn said excitedly, pointing out Cleo's and her own. Joan pulled the necklace from under her shirt as she showed hers matched too. The three smiled at each other and hugged.

They sat around the table in the centre of the room, trying to figure out what their next steps should be. All the seats were taken and Cleo stood awkwardly at the back of the room. Did she always feel like she stood out this much? Randy was sat on one of the wooden chairs around the table and turned to look at Cleo, he patted his lap and raised his eyebrow, as if to offer her a seat. She looked around the room and shrugged, they seemed to know each other intimately so she sat cautiously on his lap. He grinned, pulling her in close and holding her, one hand on her waist and one on her thigh to support her as she moved her arm behind him and rested it softly on his shoulder. They could get used to this. The rest of the group started discussing going to a hospital, seeing as they had no memories. But Cleo and Randy weren't listening. Randy had started to purr suggestions into her ear and she laughed in response. He loved that sound. He decided it was his favourite sound, he wanted to never stop hearing her laugh. Someone cleared their throat, the older man, Randy's dad, gave them a disapproving look. They both shrugged and turned back to their whispers. Rupert rolled his eyes, cleaning his glasses. Cleo giggled again, pulling the bowtie and undoing it and his top button as she whispered something back. He ran his hand along the side of her cheek, trying to memorise every inch of her. Randy thought he must have flushed slightly at her words; he was smitten with her. Falling in love.

Joan and the others started to get up and walk to the door and Cleo reluctantly slipped from Randy's grip and they followed the rest of the group. Someone asked how they would get there and Randy replied, "Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic midlife-crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis" which made Cleo the only one in the room to laugh. He turned to her and clasped his hand in hers as they made their way to the exit. When they pulled the door open, however, everyone's heart started to race. Something horrible was waiting for them. Two somethings. Contorted, ridged faces with piercing yellow eyes. Their sharp teeth protruding from their mouths as they snarled at the group. Everyone screamed at the top of their lungs and Randy moved Cleo behind him to protect her from the horrible beasts. Joan shut the door quickly and everyone scattered and ducked to the floor.

_ **xoxoxo** _

They had all gathered, kneeling on the floor as they heard the monsters outside shouting about spikes. Willow and Alexander walked to block the doors and check for any other exits. Randy returned to Cleo's side and brought spikes, deciding they should just give them the spikes seeing as they keep mentioning them, "You're really smart" Cleo smiled dreamily as she adjusted her glasses and Randy ducked his head at the compliment. They didn't know if it was the heightened adrenaline or something cosmic, but they leaned in, their lips meeting in the perfect first kiss. His hands weaved into her hair as her thumb ran over his jawline. They were perfectly in-sync, their lips moved more hungrily, starting to become more passionate. Her lips were addictive, he never wanted them to part. Unless it was to allow his tongue further entry to her mouth.

"Will you two bloody focus!" Randy's dad shouted, grabbing Randy by the shoulder and pulling him from Cleo. She whined slightly, holding onto Randy's arm still. She didn't want to be without him for long. There was crashing outside as the monsters continued to try and figure out what to do. They all decided to make their way to the exit, running to trapdoor Willow and Alexander found.

When the group looked back over, Randy was on top of Cleo, pulling her to him kissing her with an unrivalled passion. Her back against the floor as Randy kissed her with fervour. They had never felt anything like it, well, they thought so anyway. They would remember this. The attraction was magnetic and the feelings were quickly revealing something deeper, even in this short time. Randy slid his hand up her thigh as he continued to kiss Cleo, who was sighing contently. Hell to the current threat. Hell to the others. He needed her. There was some embarrassed glances around the room, but they had to break them up. Quickly. Before they got eaten and they were forced to watch Randy's hand get any higher up Cleo's thigh. Rupert and Alexander pulled Randy to his feet and Willow helped Cleo up.

"Well you are living up to your namesake – Now hurry up! We're under attack!" Rupert added, ushering the breathless pair to the trap door they had located.

Too late. The monsters came crashing into the shop and everyone screamed again, Randy grabbed Cleo's hand as they both shook with fear. They all backed away as Alexander started to pray to every God he knew of. One of the monsters grabbed Randy by the shoulders and threw him into the bookcase, leaving Cleo screaming his name in horror. She couldn't lose him, she had just found him. She started to run forward but Alexander pushed her back, standing in front of her to protect her as Joan got taken by the other vampire. Randy gave them their spikes, but that wasn't what they wanted. The monster started to talk about kittens, and while he was distracted Cleo started to run for the man and jumped on him, bringing him crashing to the ground. Joan started to fight. She was good. Really good. Cleo wasn't as polished, but she was clearly strong. They took out their spikes at the same time and struck the monsters in the chest. Muscle memory. Both Joan and Cleo were now showered in a fine-powder, the monsters that had been there only moments before had now vanished. Everyone else was staring at them wide-eyed. Randy ran and closed the door and pulled the shutters down so nothing else could come for them. Joan realised, "I'm like a superhero or something… and you're my trusty sidekick" she added, turning to her possible cousin who was cleaning her glasses on her t-shirt, trying to remove the dust. _She fucking hated wearing glasses._

"Watch it, Joanie" Cleo warned, not liking the idea of following Joan around, holding her coat whilst she took all the credit for saving the world. _Why didn't she get some big, cool destiny to live up to?_

"Why don't I get superpowers?" Dawn whined, crossing her arms over her chest.

Joan decided what needed to be done. Her, Cleo and Randy would make a run for it whilst the others got themselves out. Cleo watched Randy and his dad awkwardly hug each other before the three of them left. They managed to get past the vampires waiting outside the shop and could slow to a brisk walk, looking over their shoulders every few paces. They weren't out of the woods yet. They could feel it.

They walked in silence for a little while, trying to get their bearings in such a strange town. The place crawled with fear and obliviousness at the same time. Almost as if the population of the town was in a constant state of fear masked only by the wilful ignorance they possessed.

She was also recovering from the onslaught of confusion she felt back in the magic shop that Randy's dad owned with the chatty woman. It was an unusual mix of emotions and it was even weirder that Cleopatra found herself feeling it all so clearly. There was something not right about her. She was feeling things that weren't hers and it was starting to give her a headache. Was this normal? Has she always felt like this? Cleo felt another surge of fear from the pair as they heard some trees rustling, she almost fell to the ground at the feeling, opting to steady herself against a fence.

"Can, uh, can we stop for a moment?" She said, holding her head slightly as she leant against the fence. The others nodded, Joan keeping an eye behind them. It was as if she could sense the strange creatures coming, but she allowed them the break to catch their breath. Cleo seemed to be ill, her already pale skin turning paler the further they walked through the streets. Joan asked her if she was okay and Randy put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder.

Cleo was starting to recover slowly but she wasn't ready to walk further. She felt something in her back pocket. A pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She looked at it… did she smoke? She pulled a small tube out of the pack and stared at it for a second, putting it to her lips. She was aware that both Randy and Joan were watching her as she flicked the side of the lighter that she had clearly borrowed as it had been engraved. _Or maybe she was a part of a super cool secret society,_ she wondered. _Awesome!_ She shakily put the flame to the end of the cigarette, worried that she would make a fool of herself in front of Randy. He seemed so self-assured. She inhaled the smoke from the cigarette as the end lit up, breathing in the smoke as easily as she breathed in oxygen. She did smoke then. She didn't know if she was pleased to learn this about herself or not. She offered the pack to the man whose hand lingered on her shoulder. She could feel that he was conflicted, maybe arguing between two aspects of his personality.

"Oh no, that's a nasty habit… I'll stick with breathing my nice clean air thank you very much" Randy said, but didn't appear to be put off my Cleo. In fact, she knew he wasn't put off her. When his hand had landed on her shoulder all she could feel was adoration. She offered the pack to Joan instead and Joan decided she would have one. She needed it, she couldn't imagine having to face this kind of thing ever again. Worrying for her life? Being some extra strength superhero? No thanks. She was hoping that this would be a dream. Joan took the cigarette from her tentatively and held it between her thumb and forefinger. She stared at it for a second, putting it to her mouth and lighting the end the same way she had watched Cleo do. She inhaled, letting the smoke into her lungs before she started an almighty coughing fit, clutching her chest and throwing the cigarette to the ground as Cleo rushed to slap her on the back.

"I don't think you smoke Joan" Cleo said in case it hadn't been obvious. She continued to slap the girls back to try to help her cough subside. Joan thanked her, looking a bit sheepish, saying they should walk on now to get ahead of the scary creatures. They all agreed and kept walking on. She stared at the girl, she seemed accustomed to the leadership role. And she felt… Weird. Cleo could feel emotions from everyone but she couldn't feel anything from Joan. Maybe that was another one of the girls powers. Joan looked uncomfortable under Cleo's gaze and subconsciously pulled one of several layers further around her small frame as if she was trying to hide from her.

They walked on; Cleo now jealous of the amount of layers Joan had on as she realised she didn't even have a jacket on – just a t-shirt of a band she didn't recognise. Randy had an arm slung around her shoulder, he had been slowing them down by distracting Cleo by kissing her every now and again. Joan was about ready to up and leave them both there, but she felt a connection to Cleo, so she reluctantly stayed.

"Are you not cold?" Cleo asked the man as she hugged her arms around herself, shivering. Randy shrugged, he hadn't noticed the cold at all. Odd.

"Oh, uh…" He took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. She smiled, thanking him, but the moment didn't last. As they were about to round the corner, several of the creatures jumped out in front of them. They tried to run in the opposite direction but there were more behind them.

Joan threw a few punches and managed to stake a vamp trying to protect the others. Cleo tried to land a punch but overbalanced and fell into Randy's arms. They wanted to stay in that position, but the evil creatures had another idea. One took Cleo from Randy's arms and the other hit Randy hard in the face but he still managed to dust them both.

"Hey! I'm a superhero too!"

_"Shit!"_ Cleo muttered, looking in horror at his face. Amber eyes. Bumpy forehead. Fangs jutting out of his mouth. He was one of them. Joan saw it too and they looked at each other and both screamed. Joan grabbed Cleo's hand and pulled her into a sprint. They didn't look back, not realising what Cleo had inflicted on all of the creatures with bumpy foreheads, leaving them clutching their heads in pain.

"Hey! Cleo! Joan! Wait up!" Randy shouted after them, clutching his head and running in the direction they had gone.

"I-I kissed him!" She shouted, wiping her mouth on her sleeve and noticing she was still wearing his jacket. _She had trusted him and he was one of them!_ She dramatically pulled it off and threw it to the ground, shivering, as if it had vampire germs before muttering, "Man, I need a drink. Is there a pub around here anywhere?" Joan shrugged, she wasn't sure.

** _xoxoxo_ **

"Cleo, love! Wait up!" he said catching up with the pair who had slowed to a walking-pace. He took her arm and pulled her to face him, a pleading look in his eyes as he tried to make her understand he would never harm her. He would do anything for her, he could never imagining hurting her.

"L-leave me alone!" She shouted but faltered as she felt his intentions were kind. He wasn't trying to eat her. They stared into each other's eyes as if they were both the only ones in the universe. Their eyes telling stories, communicating in ways that nobody else could begin to understand. Joan punched him hard on the nose, breaking their gaze.

"Ow what the bloody hell are you doing Joan! I get it, she's your family, but what we have… it's destiny. Fate… maybe even love" Randy finished, creeping closer to Joan who was in his way. He was then flipped by Cleo because of the way he was going towards Joan, but Randy pulled her on top of him as they both tumbled. Cleo was now straddling the vampire as she was silenced by his words, "Don't tell me you don't feel it too, Cleo" He said, bringing her hand to his heart.

"I-I-" She started, she did feel it too.

"Cleo, look at him!" Joan started, pulling her off him, but Randy set her firmly in place, giving Joan a confused look. Was she always caught in the middle like this? Cleo cringed slightly when she realised she couldn't feel a heartbeat.

"You-you don't know do you?" Joan said, swearing she could almost feeling his confusion, "Check the lumpies" She motioned to her face as Spike felt his own. Bloody hell.

"I must be a noble vamp, on a quest for redemption! A vampire with a soul – I help the helpless!"

"You do feel like a good guy…"

"A vampire with a soul!? How lame is that!" Joan called from above them, not convinced by the scene before her.

"Maybe it's a forbidden love story" Cleo said quietly as they stared longingly into each other's eyes. Their hands were now interlaced as Cleo started to lower herself to kiss the man, despite the vampire face he still had. They closed their eyes, willing their lips to meet but Joan had other ideas. She pulled Cleo up by her t-shirt as if by the scruff of her neck and pulled her to her feet.

"That's enough of that! Not in our family, kiddo!" Joan warned.

"Uh, I am so not a kid! You're shorter than me, _you're_ probably younger!" Saffron turned, pointing a finger at Buffy as their memories finally returned. They were themselves again.

Everyone had their memories back but they all felt a distance between the group. They realised it was Willow's spell gone wrong to get them to forget about everything that had been going on. Spike and Saff seemed to be the only ones able to stay in the same room as the others without it being awkward (Spike only because he had practice having to spend time with the others despite not really liking many of them).

"Admit it love, you were scared!" Spike teased, they were sat in their crypt, curled together on the sofa with Angel (the cat) on Saff's lap.

"I'd never seen one before, of course I was going to be frightened! I fainted the first time I really saw a vamp, so at least that was an improvement"

"Oh of course you did, you're always fainting Honeysuckle, it's your defining-sodding-trait!"

"All right, make fun of the girl that's made to feel everything"

"You know I meant nothing by it, Honey" He shrugged, pulling her in close, "Just pointing out the obvious, beautiful women like you don't usually go for monster's like me"

"Hey, it was a shock… you screamed when you saw the other vamps. It doesn't change how much I love you… with or without the bumpies" she assured him, stroking the side of his face before resting her hand on the side of his neck and rubbing her thumb ever so softly to show him how genuine she was being.

"I know, love… you were gonna kiss me despite having seen the creature features"

"You're not a monster. You're a good man… I won't deny you're a vampire, that you've been involved in things I'd rather not think about. I know that part of you exists, but I can't stop myself loving you. Because I know you so intimately. Some call me naïve, stupid for being so in love with you but I want you to know that I could meet you in a hundred ways and you would always be my soulmate"

"I like this version of you, Honey. I love it when you tell me what's going on in there" he tapped her head with two fingers, "I don't find you naïve, love. I see you and you see me. I could go centuries or more and never find a love like this again. Almost makes me sodding glad I stuck in SunnyHell so long" He mused, leaning against her. He stroked the cat slightly as he leant against her. Both felt the others emotions. The love. The trust. They fully knew each other. He loved her and he saw her as an equal in a way that he had never been able to do in past relationships. She moved her hand and threaded her fingers through his hair, landing some soft kisses every so often. Angie started to stretch and move to sit on the arm of the chair nearest Spike, allowing Saffron to switch positions and tuck her legs under her, moving in closer to Spike. He had closed his eyes at the sensation of her touch, leaning into the sofa and exhaling. He loved being like this with her, in the crypt. Only them and the furball. It was special.


	48. Chapter 48:

Chapter 48:

Saffron and Dawn were waiting around in their kitchen and Saffron couldn't help thinking about missing Giles. He had left for England. _He never left Buffy high and dry in the middle of a big prophecy_ she sulked. She did understand and he had told her that the reason he could leave was that he had faith in her, but it was hard without him. He had been calling often, to ensure she was keeping up the schedule he had devised for her to train and study her prophecy. She sighed, replying to Dawn having only been half-listening. Dawn was complaining about Tara leaving, it had hit her hard. The break-up. Saffron had tried to convince her it was best for them for now, but it might not be forever.

"Hey, at least you got our fun night-time adventure!"

"Aren't I miss popular? Tara took me for movie and milkshake fun, now you and Spike are taking me out. It's almost as if people are trying to make up for something"

"Dawny, granted, it's been a rough couple of years-"

"Try a rough life"

"Yeah, okay so you were a mystical key who _blah blah blah_ and your sisters died to save you _blah_. _Whatever._ But we-I'm back now, I'm not going anywhere. Neither is Spike. You can count on us, always" Saffron confirmed, showing her cousin that she was serious. Dawn smiled a little, grateful for her cousin. Buffy didn't seem to be in the room when she talked about herself but Saff always understood exactly how she was feeling. As the pair hugged briefly, Amy and Willow walked into the kitchen dressed as if they were going out.

"Oh, uh hi Amy. I thought you were a rat?" Saffron was taken aback at the girl stood in front of her, she looked at Will suspiciously, realising this must mean she's been using magic yet again. Saff gestured with her head to talk to Willow and the red head reluctantly followed her into the hall as Dawn tried to make conversation with the ex-rat.

"Will, you need to try and take a break with the magics"

"Saffy, it's okay, she couldn't be a rat forever!" She insisted, "It's nice, you know, uh, having a magically inclined friend around. She understands" Willow looked down, she was missing Tara.

"Will, its shit. You want the escape. I get it, okay? Just don't get caught up in this stuff without talking to one of us"

"We're just going to the the Bronze, _Mom_" Willow teased her friend. But Saffron could sense something. Willow walked back into the kitchen as Saff followed her, trying to offer her to come with them tonight instead (so she could keep an eye on her). Amy promised Saff that she would be with willow the whole time. Saffron wasn't completely convinced but Spike had entered the kitchen and him and Dawn were itching to leave for their own night outing.

"Okay then… Just make sure you look after our girl, Amy!" Saffron pointed mock-threateningly at the girl, shrugging on a jacket, "Well, we're off out. There's cheese in the fridge!" Saff called to Amy as she followed Dawn and Spike out of the door.

Sunnydale had a lot of attractions, despite its size. Tonight, the three of them were at Sunnydale's answer to mini golf. Saffron still hadn't known where they were going until they arrived and when she realised, she raised an eyebrow at the pair._ Crazy Golf? Really?_ Both shrugged and she followed them inside.

"Is this the one robot-Ted took us to?" Saff asked sceptically, "You said it was for babies when he brought us here!"

"They've made it cool now, there are clowns and windmills to get the balls through" Dawn insisted, going up the booth and asking for their clubs and picking different coloured balls for each of them. When the youngest girl left, Spike turned to his girl and explained that Saturday was Dawn's night to choose while she was dead. Saffron smiled widely, she knew he would be there for Dawn, but taking her to do fun stuff like this and her actually agreeing to it made her smile so wide. She grinned and pulled him in for a kiss, one that shouldn't be allowed in public. It was slow and she smiled into it, enjoying the contact. She felt lucky. Lucky to be with him, to be alive again. The pair sprung apart when they heard choking sounds. It was Dawn's protest at their kissing although Saffron could tell she thought it was cute. Dawn handed them each a club, asking them to drum roll as she revealed their colours. Spike crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. There was no bloody way. But saffron rested the club against spike and drummed against her thighs as Dawn revealed the colours. She enjoyed encouraging the theatrics from her younger cousin.

"For the lady, a yellow for her sunny personality" Dawn giggled, as Saff flipped her off, "And for the kind sir, a pretty pink for your consideration!"

"Not bloody likely, I want yours! Now, little bit!"

"Okay" Dawn smiled a little too widely as she handed the final ball that was hidden behind her back. It was neon pink with white polka-dots. She giggled, explaining it was all that was left. Spike groaned, but took his original colour. The three of them walked to their first course and started their game.

Towards the end, the game had descended into chaos. Dawn had been accused of cheating multiple times by the older players as she was freakishly good at getting hole-in-ones. Saffron had bent her club almost in half as she leaned against it, waiting for her go and forgetting about her newfound strength. They were on their penultimate course and Spike had taken almost twenty shots without luck. He blamed the fake grass, Saffron's loud breathing and the size of the clown's head before dramatically giving up.

"Right, that's bloody it!" He shouted, his vamp face flashing as Saff had to bite back her laughter. He stalked towards the pond that was next to their patch and unceremoniously threw the golf club into the pond in a sulk. Dawn couldn't bite back the laughter and giggled almost hysterically which meant that Saffron caught the laughter too. He started to rant about draining them good and proper if they didn't quit it, but the empty threat made Dawn snort which made Saffron laugh even harder. The teenager that was manning the booth came out to shout at them and told Spike he wouldn't be allowed back if he didn't retrieve the golf club. This caused a scene, and in typical fashion the three of them found themselves running as fast as they could away from getting in trouble. All of them had a big grin on their faces as they ran away, enjoying feeling alive and free again.

After their game, they went to a burger-joint for milkshakes and fries. Saffron was practically sat on Spike's lap with how close she was to him, she didn't want to leave his side for a second. Dawn pretended to be thoroughly grossed out by the pair as Spike wiped ketchup from the side of Saff's mouth earning him a soft kiss for the gesture.

"I think I won, considering the game was cut short and all" Saffron stated with a fake confidence she knew would wind Dawn up.

"How many shots did it take you to get the third one?" Dawn asked, appalled that Saff could suggest that she had won.

"…Two"? Saffron questioned, the corners of her mouth twitching. She shoved a handful of fries into her mouth as Dawn called her out.

"And I'm the cheat!? It was at least twelve"

"I only saw two" Spike backed her up, enjoying annoying Dawn as well, "Maybe you should get back to that school of yours, nibblet, learn to count properly past ten"

Dawn sulked, realising they were teasing her and she slurped loudly on her milkshake. They were all enjoying themselves, they could see this becoming a tradition, although somebody else was definitely going to pick next time. They probably wouldn't be allowed back seeing as Spike made excessive use of his vamp face to intimidate the teenager on the booth.

Saffron's face went blank as if she had disappeared and left her body behind by accident. The pair stared at her. She wasn't blinking and she seemed to be confused about something, a frown painted across her face. Spike clicked his fingers in front of her and started to shake her to snap her out of it. Her mouth opened slowly and a loud, piercing scream rang through the burger joint. Before Spike and Dawn had chance to react, her eyes fluttered closed and her head smacked on the table. She was out cold.

Oleander was back. He adjusted his septum ring and cracked his knuckles, as if he was psyching himself up for this. She watched from where she was kneeling. He moved his head to each side, cracking his neck before turning to face her properly. A cruel smirk, cartoon villain-like as if he had been practicing in the mirror, was painted on his face. She heard faint music in her ears playing in the distance. Some classical crap she wouldn't usually listen to if you paid her.

"What is this shit?!" She groaned trying to get to her feet. The light surrounding them was blinding to all except the man himself. Every time she closed her eyes she had green spots of light behind her eyelids, which caused a searing pain like acid being poured onto her eyes.

"It's Tchaikovsky. The Seasons. Nice of you to ask, sweetheart… I'd call it the perfect accompaniment to our darling little pow-wow"

"Fucking get out of my head!"

"But that wouldn't be any fun would it? Don't tell me you weren't aware of our connection, haven't you been able to see my mind like a moving picture? Oh, you haven't? Pity… almost as if someone were blocking you" he moved to stroke his chin as if in deep thought, "Do you remember the sound it made, darling? When she turned to ash and bone? Went a little something like this…"

_Saffron tried to close her eyes, knowing what was coming but she was being made to watch. Hayley moved towards her neck, almost salivating as she opened her jaw. Saffron moved her arm from behind her back and staked her directly in her heart. The sound was sickening, the image of her turning to dust with that horrible sound killed her._

"You killed your parents so perfectly, do you know that? I love this one, take it from the top!" he cooed, enjoying her torment. He was in every corner of her mind, as he always had been.

_The smell of hot rubber was nauseating, the sound of the tires on tarmac as her father tried to brake. The anger that was licking at the metal surrounding them was terrifying. The car was in a panic, everybody shouting as the car tipped over several times. Screeching. Fire. Anger. Then silence._

"You couldn't follow a prophecy to save your life, Honeysuckle… literally" he winked when he had said Honeysuckle, before he cackled. The sound echoed like thunder around her head, she felt as if her head was hollow and the vibrations sent her into a wave of sobs. She had tried so hard not to cry in front of him.

_Saffron was falling to her death. She was desperately frightened, gripping Buffy's hand, she died knowing that she was ruining everything. She started to cry as she plunged from a great height; the green glow was almost blinding as she hurried to meet her fate. She was so scared, unable to scream as Buffy grabbed her hand tightly, squeezing it in reassurance as they braced themselves for the portal._

"Only thing to hold onto was the slayer, and now she's let go" He laughed further.

"Please… stop" She held her head fighting back tears. She was so sad. She wasn't sure where she was but she was feeling her own pain and sorrow in the way she had felt strong emotions from groups and it was almost physically painful.

"Oh begging, that's cute. Thought it might take longer to hear something so precious…"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can" He smiled with a shrug.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Spike carried Saffron through the streets bridal style as she was unconscious. She started thrashing around every so often and he almost dropped her but he held on as tight as he could. It was made even more challenging as the youngest of the family was anxiously looking on and asking lots of questions.

"Is she okay?"

"She will be, nibblet"

"Do we need to keep her head elevated? I think I read that somewhere"

"Bit hard when I'm elevating the rest of her at the moment"

"How long until we get her home now?"

"About one minute less than when you last asked! You're slowing us down with all your bloody questions! Will you walk faster!"

"Sorry…" Dawn all but choked out, her throat caught in a sob. He rolled his eyes, now he had this to deal with too.

"Come on, no crying, that's her job aint it?" He joked, making the girl smile slightly through her tears but he wished he hadn't said anything when Saffron's eyes snapped open and tears started to fall.

"Honeysuckle?" He asked. A strange smirk landed on her face, she winked and then blacked out again, the tears leaking from her closed eyes. She was gone again.

When they got to Revello, Dawn was pacing in a way she had picked up from Saff when she got nervous and restless. Spike had contacted Tara, asking to come over and check in on the bit because he knew he would be busy if Saffron couldn't come back into consciousness. Dawn and Tara got on, and Spike knew the younger brunette missed having the witch in the house, so he was doing a public service as well. Maybe this would mean the powers would look kindly on them and bring his girl back. He really couldn't lose her. Not again.

Saffron was coming in and out of consciousness, her eyes fighting to open but every time they did she saw the acid-green light, still recovering from the light. It hurt to move, even blink and she started to cry. She didn't know what else to do. The most recent time she came back into consciousness, a sharp twinge of pain was evident on her face, and Spike could tell Oleander was doing something. Saff had managed to mumble his name, but apart from that she had reached for Spike's hand and then lost consciousness.

Saffron was sleeping and Spike couldn't move from her side. He was sat on the arm of the couch where she had fallen asleep, a much needed respite from whatever that had been inflicted on her. He was slowly stroking her hair, unable to move his eyes from his girl as a light frown started to line her face from within her dream.

_She moved from within him, it was obvious that the events she was experiencing were real. His eyes as hers. She had a bad feeling as she started to move closer to the painful feeling of dread._

_She walked through the dusty streets, a spring in her step as she felt it. She had learnt to enjoy the things others would find unbearable. You have to adapt to survive, and that is exactly what she has done. To truly feel someone you must be them and to truly be them, you must enjoy the pain. She smirked as she felt it, the truth. The basic human trait. Hatred. The real human condition. Anger._

_She watched them through the window, the curtains hadn't been closed. Usually, she would stick out in such a close-knit community, but he made sure they felt a little acceptance and warmth whenever she was near. As far as they were concerned, the outsider was a good honest harvest worker. Seasonal and transient, just as they liked. She wasn't harming anyone as far as they knew._

_And she felt that in his mind, he wasn't. He was just watching as they harmed each other, willing it to continue. He learnt to see the beauty in it. The sweet destruction. Sweeter than the peaches he supposedly picked. He moved closer to the window, his breath against the pane almost obscuring his vision. He didn't need to look to enjoy the scene, but he liked to._

_Saffron tried to close her eyes, stop herself from seeing or feeling this memory that wasn't hers. But he didn't close her eyes so she couldn't. There was a couple stood in the front room, the tv was blaring behind them, something they had learnt to do early on so that the neighbours wouldn't hear them shouting._

_"And today, in the red corner we have Mrs Harrison" She found their names by checking their post that had been left in their mail box on his way in (they wouldn't be needing it anymore), "Which means, in the blue, is Mr Harrison! Let's get ready to ruuuumble!" she chuckled cruelly, rolling her eyes at how predictable all the sheep were. She threw the post to the ground and watched intently, not able to stop the smile curling on her lips. The pair had started to fight, a fist went through the wall close to the woman's head. A delicious threat. Her eyes widened as she saw the object in the woman's hand._

_"Oh, no honey. Too quick. Put that away, darling" She chuckled, influencing her to put the small gun down, "That's better, see?"_

_Time for her big entrance. She cracked her knuckles and stroked her shaven head. She walked in during their argument, the front door was unlocked. She stood behind the woman as they were screaming at each other. She watched the way that the man screamed, almost frothing at the mouth and she smiled. He's the one. She grabbed the woman from behind and snapped her neck quickly._

_"W-what did you do!? You killed her! You killed my wife!" He said, staring down at the crumpled body on the floor._

_"Only because you wanted her dead. I felt it" she smiled before noticing his disappointment that he didn't get to do it himself. Beautiful. She smiled and said, "Lie to me, I dare you"_

_"I-I-" Oleander put his hand on the man's cheek. He felt it. The guilt slipping away as he felt the truth. The anger in his soul was warranted. That bitch never did the dishes properly anyway. She deserved it. The world deserved it._

_"Delicious. We have work to do!" He kissed him softly on the lips before pulling him to the shell of the warehouse he had found to start his vision. The Order of the Eye. He shall be the leader, the bringer of the World's Truth._

_There was incense burning and the rites had been long and arduous. But worth it. Luckily they had made it to the Hellmouth in good time._

_"Take my hand and accept the light. Surrender to it. The hatred you harbour shall be seen by all. As the truth. I am selecting you, my eye sees your potential. You shall be my second in command!" She said as Mr Harrison took his hand, seemingly entranced by the man. Hell's mouth would serve as the power, the battery to operate his follower's power and understanding. How fitting that Hell would bring about something so honest about the earth._

_"Say it, darling! Tell me the hatred you harbour and promise me your soul! Your soul for the truth. The hatred you feel shall be spread until we have the world on it's whore knees!" She smirked, licking her lips, "Together, we shall reign over the hell-scape of this world and allow it to be seen for its true nature. Anger and Horror will be major fixtures, no hollow hope that these people cling to in desperate torment shall be allowed. For it is not the truth. There is no hope for them!"_

_"Take my soul, oh enlightened one! O Leander!" She smiled, turning his right hand into a fist and pressing the knuckles over his heart. The signet ring on her right finger went white-hot as he extracted it. The soul, replacing it with the sight. His truth. The feeling was euphoric, as if the man would never feel anything good again. It also hurt, really badly and Saffron smiled as she felt it. He was craving more, to feel it as long as the euphoria was there too. Finally, the man's scream of pain subsided and he faced her, staring adoringly in his eyes._

_"Welcome, Brother Harrison!" She smiled at the man, whose face was now lit up from within. His face seemed to have melted as the light shone, almost as if a flashlight was being shined from inside his head._

_He hadn't lasted long, the man was the first in a long line, but he lasted longer than the rest. This was the start of it all, the Order of the Eye._

Saffron woke up suddenly. She knew exactly who she had been in the dream. How he felt, how she felt. The followers had signed away their souls to him, it had hurt the extraction, but he revelled in the pain as she had during the vision. It was horrible. Thinking those things, feeling them. He had promised salvation and they felt so good in his presence, inside the hatred that the man would have done anything if he asked. Barely any influence needed. Something had shifted. When he had let her know what he could do to her, something changed. He had allowed her into his head. Maybe it was an accident or another trick, knowing how killing another would make her feel.

Tears were streaming down her face as Spike wiped a tear with his thumb looking around the room and glaring when Tara and Dawn, who were sat at the table, were staring. At his look, they acted as if they hadn't heard Saffron's panic and went back to the large, dusty books they had been reading intently. She leant against Spike, her strength from his love. She clung to him, winding herself around him like a vine. She never wanted to leave his side.

It had been a few hours and Saffron was still on the sofa with Dawn and Tara joining hands over the stone of Gataar and chanting. They hadn't been able to find out what was wrong with her, but decided it wouldn't hurt to give her the stone. She looked around for Spike, feeling worse without him beside her, she wanted to call out for him but the two women came over to her, having completed their spell.

"How are you?"

"Got a bitch of a headache but I'm fine really…" She winced, sitting up and Spike rushed in hearing her voice. He came and glared at Tara and Dawn for bothering her, but Saffron rolled her eyes, stroking him to show him it was okay. She wanted to speak with them.

"Drink up, pet" He said, handing her a glass of water as Tara passed her the stone.

"Thanks guys, sorry for being such a drama queen" She joked, gripping the stone until her knuckles went white. Spike clasped his hand over hers, hoping she took comfort from his action.

"You're in pain, not a drama queen. We were worried…"

"Yeah you totally screamed in the middle of the diner and I had a major crush on the server there! I'll never live it down!"

"Sorry Dawny, how about I buy you some ice cream from the mall when I'm feeling better to make up for it?" Dawn pretended to think about I for a second before she nodded excitedly, hugging Saff allowing the older brunette to tell just how worried she was about her. Poor Dawn she was concerned for both her older siblings, "Will you really be okay?" Dawn dropped her voice as Saffron nodded which convinced her. She said she was going to call one of her friends up and tell her about the cute guy at the burger place. That left Tara with the pair. They stayed and spoke for a while, Tara had only been around while Willow wasn't which made Saff sad. Tara decided it was time for her to leave, not just because Spike had been looking from her to the door a few times, a not so subtle hint for her to give them some space. She understood and Spike could have been a lot meaner about it, so she was pleased that the vampire seemed to like her as a friend of Saff's. Tara hugged her ill friend, saying her goodbyes and Saffron promised they would have a proper catch up as soon as she was feeling better to which Tara nodded and Saff felt that she needed it. When their friend left, Spike started to get up, clear away the empty glass and medical box that he had thrown everything out of in a panic when he couldn't find anything to help her. But when he started to turn away she clung to his sleeve, her eyes wide and he felt how frightened she was. He could feel everything she was feeling.

"Don't leave me again? Not tonight at least…" She pleaded quietly, ashamed of asking, "When you weren't here when I woke up I panicked…"

"'Course love. Won't move from your side" He sat back down next to her, wrapping her in a blanket and hugging her shoulders, "I've got you" he whispered, kissing her temple as she leant into him.

"He-he's in every part of my mind… he sees everything" Saff choked out, "And now-now I can see him and I don't want to. I really fucking don't" She shook her head, hating the feelings. The enjoyment she had taken from killing in his memory.

"Hey, hush pet, that's it. I'm yours, for as long as you want"

"Can you do forever or is that another vampire myth?" she smiled weakly as he nodded, confirming he would stay with her forever and a day if that's what she wanted. They lay together on the couch, bundling up in blankets. Saffron thanked him and he hushed her, whispering that it was a given that he would be here with her. By her side. She wrapped herself around him trying her best not to cry again and instead focused on the love that surrounded the both of them. They clung to each other softly through the night.

_ **xoxoxo** _

It had been a week since Saffron had met Oleander inside her head and he had been dropping in every so often since that day, but nothing as horrific as that first day. Spike had been with her almost every day, joining her for some of her shifts. Saffron was at the Magic Box, Spike had been to the crypt, having disagreed with Buffy about something that neither of them told her about. She had missed seeing the pair trading blows leading to Spike clutching his head half-heartedly and leaving. The phone rang and Saffron answered.

"Hey, this is the centre of all known pain in the universe, also known as Sunnydale, how may I be of service?" Saffron said into the phone cheerily.

"Yes, hello Saffron, very humorous"

"Ah, hey G, nice of you to remember we exist! How's the County of _Stuffy-posh-twat-shire_?"

"Wiltshire is lovely this time of year, thank you for asking. I am just checking in, I know our scheduled call is on Sunday afternoons for our, ah, research discussion but I would like to talk to Buffy if she is there?"

"Well, I'm glad you're so eager to chat with me, G. I'll grab her, she's just been training for hours. Not sure what she actually does in there" Saff muttered, and Giles rolled his eyes at her words. She really should train more. She started to walk off, but something made her stay on the line and admit, "G, I'm scared. He's so much more powerful than me… he's in my head. He's been tor-tormenting me" Her breath hitched in a sob, but she was determined not to cry on the phone and beg Giles to come back. She was aware he needed a break from the Hellmouth, she didn't blame him.

"It, ah, appears that this is the test that the prophecy speaks of…" he realised this wasn't very reassuring and so imparted some further advice, "Take control, Saffron. Use the Sight, do not let it use you"

After the call, she centred herself, closing the curtains of her Tarot corner and putting her palms flat on the table, a flash of dark purple nail varnish that she would have usually admired on herself if this wasn't so important. She asked to speak to the powers. Nothing. Then she demanded it. She was going into everything blind and she was scared. _When she opened her eyes, she was surrounded by white light, with a familiar figure stood in front of her._

_"Ah, the true sight, our dearest Azafrán" The High priestess spoke softly, "You have learnt well, calling on your birth-given rite to speak to those that wish to guide the path of the Truth"_

_"Yeah, alright, whatever… where's fish-features?"_

_"Ah, yes, our messenger. He has been transferred, something about a formal complaint. Besides, his job was for you to understand your role and, he did not complete it in time"_

_"Don't punish him, babe. He tried his best, I mean it was my fault. The dying"_

_"Do you not see, that this was what was expected?" She said breathily, her golden curls framing her face, "You would have died either way, it is the way it is written"_

_"Where? Where is it fucking written because I'm starting to think you're making it up as you go along?!"_

_"Ok, you want me to get real with you? Fine. You fucked up, big time" The woman's whole demeanour changed, "You created a rift in the powers, nobody is talking to each other and that scaly little bitch is making a fuss about losing his job"_

_"Finally, you give it to me straight! I can handle this much better than the touchy-feely crap you usually peddle. That's why I liked fish-features, he was sort of an arse but he made me listen to him even if I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to be listening to"_

_"You really shit the bed on this one, Az. You were supposed to work out that you were the one to stay behind, comfort your key and not leave it to some morally ambiguous vampire to protect it"_

_"Her. Not it. She's a girl, my cousin" Saff corrected firmly, "And who isn't a little morally ambiguous these days? Being good or evil is so boring! Live a little!"_

_"You are the True Sight! You are the universal-fucking-good! Will you fucking grow up and at least act like you can take the responsibility!"_

_"Look who's woken up on the wrong side of the proverbial rain cloud"_

_"It's just- Ugh! I fucking hate my job! Par example, I wanted to change my look. Dye my hair, simple request oui? Wrong. I have to 'maintain the good girl schtick'"_

_"Shit, you don't want your gig either? We have more in common than I thought" Saffron sighed, this really wasn't what she had expected. But she wasn't mad at the revelation, everyone was faking it until they made it, it seemed, "Fag?" she offered as she lit up for herself, handing over the pack to the High Priestess._

_"Sure, just don't tell them" she gestures upwards, and Saff shrugged, she never cared for the rules very much. Not that she knew what any of the fucking rules were around here._

_She sat, as if on air, pulling up her long skirt to reveal her thighs and sitting with one leg tucked under her and the other dangling. She didn't show much skin often, it was porcelain white. Doesn't get much sun, Saff decided. She sat relaxed, savouring the nicotine hit she hadn't experienced in centuries._

_"You were expected to die, just not then. Accidents happen. But I suppose now your dying is out of the way, the sight can only get stronger, now at least you have more than a slim chance against the-"_

_"The corrupted. Yeah, I was getting to him. So I don't stand a chance then?"_

_"Lean on the people around you. Try to take your strength from them, you're gonna fucking need it"_

_"Wise words from the gatekeeper in chief, you don't get to be honest much huh? More about the 'sweetheart, dearest let me give you a strange line from a prophecy that has only just been made up, you are the sight, we are equals, blah blah'"_

_"Well, my dearest, you are my equal. Our fates are entwined, as you are entwined with many. If you fail, I'm out of a job, which isn't as simple as it sounds. It means I will be no fucking more, much as you will be"_

_"Rather be living and unhappy than not living at all?"_

_"It can be worth it, every few centuries I meet someone like you, I can be myself" She sighed, inhaling the smoke and closing her eyes at the sensation._

_"Took you long enough. Any parting words about my sight? The corrupted? Anything?"_

_She took a last drag of her cigarette, flicking it into the light. Smoothing down her dress, making sure no hair was sticking out from her perfectly coiffed style, "Just good luck" she shrugged before snapping her fingers and leaving, "Yeah, I'm gonna need it" Saff sighed as she started to slip out of the vision herself into the light._

Saff opened her eyes, back in her tarot corner. Great, that was helpful. They know less than her, it seems. Buffy, now off the phone, was researching with Anya and Xander. They were researching a recent robbery where the security guard had been frozen solid and two precious diamonds had been taken. Saff walked over and sat with them as Anya concluded that there was no such thing as a frost monster that ate diamonds, which was their working hypothesis. Buffy suggested the demon might just find diamonds pretty but couldn't even convince herself for long.

"We suck" Buffy concluded and Saff nodded her agreement, having not even picked up a book.

"We need new brains. What's up with Willow?" Xander asked and Buffy muttered something about Amy. This was the third night in a row they had been out together.

"Great, someone to do more magic with" Anya said and Saff braced herself for the conversation that was coming.

"At least she's not all cooped up and crying. That's forward momentum. Now, I know that I don't... know everything that happened with her and Tara-"

"Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic. And she's not the only one"

"Look, talk to Will about it. Let's not do the murmurs and the whispers behind her back. It's not fun feeling like everyone's talking about you" Saff tried to explain._ Makes it fucking worse,_ she added to herself, but knew better than to tell them that.

"She'll be fine. You know, it-it's Willow. She of the level head" This stung Saffron slightly, feeling the implication that she had succumbed to addiction because she wasn't level-headed. Anya launched into a rant about how the responsible ones were the ones that needed to be watched out for, leading them to talk about the lure of the power she must feel. Saffron knew how that felt, because Oleander knew how it felt. She hoped Willow would stop before she became as warped as him.

"Yeah, she was getting out of control with it before Tara left, and now that she's gone..."

"It's gotta seductive just giving into something… Going totally wild, giving into it that much…"

"Okay. Okay, we-we'll keep an eye. But we can't assume that everybody's getting seduced, you know-" Saff watched as Buffy floundered, adjusting her top and hugging her middle as she continued to plead the case for Willow that seemed a lot more personal than appeared on the surface.

_Meanwhile, on the other side of Sunnydale:_

Andrew, Warren and Jonathan were in their 'secret lair' plotting how best to mess with Buffy, having been ordered to do so. The three boys had found each other in the most unlikely of circumstances, a group meeting on how-to-pick-up women. The three recognised each other and had bonded over their mutual simultaneous hatred and longing for women. They had even tried to brainwash a woman into complying with their every whim. This was how Oleander had found them, Sister Elizabeth had been controlled by these boys and it had pissed him off. He was the only one allowed to do the influencing around here.

Oleander instantly didn't like them, but he did decide he could put them to good use. It was all too easy to get them to see things from his point of view, barely any influence necessary. The nerds had a hatred for the world that only self-professed nice guys with misogynistic undertones and an entitlement to being the protagonist in every story could bring. Warren had the biggest belief in Oleander and his teachings, making sure the other two followed suit to bring Saffron to her knees and get credit for taking over the universe. With a little help from Oleander, of course. If Oleander didn't hate the trio so much, he would have been in awe of the arrogance and single-mindedness that Warren possessed. Even so, they were part of the plan. For the Truth. For the fate of the human condition.

Not knowing any of this, Spike had decided to swing by and give his least-favourite robotics expert a quick visit (read: threatening) before he went to see Saffron at the Magic Box. He had met Warren once before, having threatened him for the blueprints to the robots he made for Willow when she had hit a firewall when she tried to hack into his system to make the bots. He was here today because his chip hadn't fired when he had shoved Buffy out of his way and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. He hadn't mentioned it to Saff yet, not sure if it had been a really good dream or not.

"Hello, it's called knocking" Andrew called as Spike backed Warren up against a pole.

"Knock knock, robot boy. Need you to look at my chip"

"Is that like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not-"

"In my head, the chip in my head! I already have a honey to attend to anything else" He glared as the other two backed away. Warren tried to get out of helping him, but spike looked around and quickly found their weak point. He picked up the figurine of Boba Fett and Spike holds the action figure in one hand and takes its head in the other hand as if he's going to pull the head off, "Examine my chip, or else Mister... Fett here is the first to die" He threatened, a satisfied smirk as he felt their anxiety over the threat. He had missed this. The three tried to get him to let go of the figurine but he continued to pretend to pull his head off until Warren finally decided to bargain with the vampire. He knew who he was and he wasn't aware he had a chip that could stop him from killing them. The nerds complained, making Spike grin further, ready to trash the entire set just for the fun of it.

"Right… You don't wanna hurt the Fett, 'cause man, you're not comin' back from that. You know, you don't just do that and walk away!"

"That right? Let's find out…" Spike fakes pulling the head off again. Warren yelled, agreeing to help as long as he put the Fett down.

Spike was sat waiting for his results, he wasn't sure what this meant for him. What this meant for the Slayer or even for Saff. He knew Saffron would never forgive him if he tried to kill Buffy, but a small part of him, that made him feel so guilty it hurt when he was around Saff, had long detailed fantasies of taking Buffy on and winning.

"So how's the tr- how's Saffron? I think we, uh, went to high school together"

"None of your business how she's doing, and if she ever hears that I was-"

"Hey, hey no need to get snarky, it was just conversation"

"Well, try conversation again and I will track down Mr. Fett and throw him into the great abyss"

"The uh, H-Hellmouth?"

"Bowl-o-rama" He said and they both made an 'ah' sound and nodded their agreement. There was a long pause where the pair seemed to have taken what Spike said seriously, but they were awkward in conversation and didn't like leaving long pauses.

"You're English, right?" Andrew, the least annoying out of the three, asked. Spike frowned but nodded yes, "I've seen every episode of Doctor Who. Not Red Dwarf, though, 'cause, um..."

"'Cause it's not out yet on DVD" Jonathan finished as Andrew nodded along. Spike rolled his eyes, scowling at the pair who seemed to shrink into their seats.

"Warren!" He shouted as the pair tried to start another conversation. Warren appears from another room holding a pile of paper.

"Here I am, here. I just need to… talk to the guys for a minute" He said, gesturing with his head. He had stalled for a long time, trying to figure out a way to contact Oleander. But he was a bit busy and didn't want to hear from the three. Oleander had been screening both actual calls and telepathic calls from them. Warren shoved the papers Spike's way and pulled the pair away with him. Spike looked at the papers for a second and chucked them on the coffee table, waiting for them to come back so that he could ask what the hell any of it meant.

While he was waiting, he saw something sticking out from the sofa and tugged on it, "Oh balls" Spike muttered, pulling the robes from where they had been shoved down the back of the sofa when he had stalked in to threaten Warren. He found a beret and threw it down onto the sofa. How had he not made this connection? He found a roll of papers and some blueprints tucked into one of the robes and scanned over them. Bollocks. He shouldn't have come here.

He could hear the muttering now that he hadn't been bothered to listen to from the other room.

"Dudes it's _the_ Spike"

"Spike from the vid-?" But Warren clapped a hand over Jonathan's mouth, knowing vampires have good hearing.

"Yeah, _duh,_ the traitor has him wrapped around her naïve little finger!"

"He can't know that we want the traitor dead, h-he could kill us with one attractive, smouldering look…" Andrew tailed off, imagining the look before shaking himself out of it.

"If O Leander finds out that we lured him here then he might finally take our souls and elevate us to the higher being that we deserve! We would be allowed to join the Order and like, sleep with all the hot chicks"

"That does seem to be the main activity, after destroying the world and all"

"Yeah, but sister Liz will have to sign off on it though" The three looked off into the distance dreamily before snapping out of it. Sister Elizabeth was the reason that they hadn't been allowed in yet, or so they believed.

"No, if we do this, we bypass that bitch's judgement and take ourselves straight to second-in-command level! I'm tellin' you, it's her boyfriend after all. If we kill the vampire, Oleander will be happy with us" Warren convinced them, which is when Spike decided it was time that he did something. Spike subtly grabbed their batman-shaped phone and dialled up the magic box, slicking his hair back and rubbing his neck, feeling stupid for coming here.

"Hello, this is the magic box, if you've got the cheques, we've got the hex!" Saffron's too-cheery work voice told him.

"Love, it's me-"

"Are you calling me? On a phone?" She asked, surprised as she dropped her voice to its usual register. He wouldn't usually touch a phone unless he had to.

"Yeah, we-"

"Did you work out the buttons by yourself?"

"Honeys-"

"And you're actually talking into the speaker?!"

"You're hilarious, love. You can fall over yourself in shock later, we've got a problem" He started, explaining quickly what he had found with the three guys and their membership to the Order, as well as the blueprints he had found.

"Shit, I'll tell the others"

"Gotta go, Honey. Stay with the Slayer until I get back" he said quickly putting the phone down before she could ask why he was there and shoving the robes back behind the sofa as the three came back in. They were holding their hands over their eyes, white berets on their heads (maybe they had back up berets). They started trying to do prayer but bump into each other. Start squabbling. Warren had started on prayer but the other two where reciting another. Spike laughed, moving out of his fighting stance.

"And here was me thinking you'd be all super-strength with the melting and the pyrotechnic faces, but none of you could light your way home in the middle of the bloody day!" He taunted, rolling his eyes at them, "You're pathetic! Call yourselves evil masterminds!?"

"Well, the traitor will meet her match on the strike of the hour and she will be his! The moon will soon be ripe for her essence to be removed!" Jonathan said as Warren nodded along.

"Quick stake him!" Warren shouted but Andrew just stared, the wood in his hand hovering near Spike.

"Bugger off!" spike shouted pushing him away, clutching his head in pain and then running as fast as he could to get to Saffron before she was left on her own.

_ **xoxoxo** _

In true Saffron style, she hadn't listened to advice and decided to walk to her next shift, knowing that Martha was counting on her. Saffron hurried, she knew something was coming for her. She could feel it. She needed to get out of the dark before she was eaten. She didn't fancy dying again, it was so last year. She turned around, swearing she had heard something, but quickly carried on down the road. She cut through an alley, a necessary risk, she told herself. If it meant getting inside sooner, she was willing to take on the risk. She wasn't scared of the three nerds and she decided that Oleander wouldn't be so bold as to confront her in the diner. She heard a rattle from one of the bins and looked over, something was in there.

"Pauley? Is that you?" She called, wondering if the opossum was looking for something to eat again. She shrugged as the rustling stopped and carried on walking at a fast pace to the other side of the alley. To safety. She heard another sound, felt a sudden jolt of joy and anger, she had never felt the emotions together before. Coming from the same person. Shit. She wouldn't look behind her, she was nearly out of the alley. Two more paces and she was safe. She took the first step out of the other end of the alley but just as quickly came stumbling backwards into it.

"_Boo_" A cold voice chuckled, stepping towards her. She knew that voice. She walked backwards a few more paces, smacking into two hard figures. She whipped around. White berets. Surrounded. Absolutely fucked. Oleander put his palm on her forehead and just like that, she disappeared into the light.

At the same time, Spike was running as fast as he could to find her. He had picked up on her scent and he was desperately trying to get to her before he did. Before the ritual took her from him again. He needed her to be okay. The nerds seemed more interested in squabbling over who was going to have to tell Oleander that they had messed up than trying to stop Spike from leaving, so he took his chance and left. He was becoming desperate as he came to an alley. Her scent seemed to disappear. How could that be?

The room was lit only by fire, the kind attached to torches that stuck on the wall every so often. The glow was warm, almost cosy for the main hall. Rows of wooden benches were nailed to the floor, with room all around the edge for the members to form a circle at the end of each meeting. White material hung in huge swathes from the ceiling and in front of the windows. The yellow eye symbol was emblazoned on every other section, forming a pattern.

Saffron was on the furthest wall from the exit, firmly shackled to the grey stone wall. She was on a slight platform, the kind children would perform nativity plays on. Behind her, a large gold carving of an eye hung above her shackled form. There was a little stand and a microphone for whoever spoke at the front. It was definitely the nicest place Saffron had been taken hostage.

"Oo, kitten's not sitting so pretty tonight" He laughed as she rolled her head up from the position it had been in when she was unconscious. She winced, she had been hit pretty good in the head. She moved her arms from above her head, realising they were shackled to the wall behind her. She sighed, she could do without this.

"St-" she tried to ask him to stop, gritting her teeth and sending some guilt his way, making him laugh.

"Kitty's got claws but she hasn't been taught to use them. Pity"

"I'm not-" she was cut off by a horrible pain, but clenched her jaw and didn't make a sound, "I'm not a kitten or your darling, and I'm definitely not trying to take your place" She managed to rush out before her body contorted again. It was as if he was unlocking all the painful memories inside her brain and using them against her. But it was physically painful. Her head was throbbing as if she as being electrocuted.

"What could possibly make you think you're the apple of the world's eye, darling?"

"I don't" she muttered, wincing at the pain that he was inflicting on her without laying a finger anywhere near her.

"Sorry, did you say something? That was a rhetorical question, did they teach you anything in that backwater little high school?"

"Shut up" She whispered, her voice hoarse. The pain was unbearable. Worse than anything she had ever felt.

"You need to work on projecting, can any of you hear her from the back?" He asked, turning to the room which Saffron could barely see. There were a few murmurs of 'no' and she rolled her eyes, wincing the whole time. She had never felt pain like it. Her eyesight was going fuzzy and there was a shining light in the middle of her vision, making her unable to make any shapes out. She knew it must be the end. Her head started to roll as she felt the hopelessness weigh down on her, followed by a laugh from Oleander. He had felt it. She did everything she could to stop a tear rolling down her face. What Saffron couldn't see was that all of Oleander's followers that could fit inside the room were there. All the seats were filled and people were standing anywhere they could find space. They were all wearing their white robes, she felt anticipation and excitement fill the room as he addressed his followers. It was worship night and tonight they got to watch an imposter face the consequences. They were dedicated, she had to give them that.

He turned to the audience and asked with a smile, "Should we make her scream?"


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for threat/torture from Oleander at the start of the chapter. Derogatory terms (same as Spike uses on the show).
> 
> Reading your comments has been so great, thank you all - I'm glad you all like the story! xoxo

Chapter 49:

Saffron woke up chained to the wall. There was a lot of people forming a circle around the room, they were all wearing white and they were staring at her. Classical music was playing, Oleander closed his eyes, feeling the music before he turned to his captive audience. It was _Bach's toccata in fugue in d minor_. Even Saffron recognised the start, but it didn't mean she was at all enjoying herself.

"Hm, I'm still not convinced. This is a child, darlings" He rolled his eyes with an over-exaggerated disgust at his captive.

"I'm 20" she spat, her voice just audible over the collective laughter of the excitable audience.

"An ignorant child at that" He said, gesturing to her as the others smiled wide, "Well this will be like taking candy from a baby. Except, that was a metaphor, darlings, for taking the life straight from her body" The room erupted in laughter and clapped at what he said.

"I've been dead before, I bounce back, babe. Just call me the comeback kid" she winked and then winced as his hold on her tightened.

"In another universe perhaps we could be friends… you've got spunk, kid" He repeated, which bit almost as bad as his painful influence.

"Gross" she muttered, out of her dislike of the man before her.

"Don't act like you're so innocent. I hear you're Sunnydale's bicycle, darling. Everyone's had a ride…" He smiled, satisfied with himself. He hoped to elicit some shame, perhaps a little hatred for herself but continued when this wasn't the first natural emotion that came to her mind, "Everything with a pulse has had a ride… hm, some even without a pulse…"

He started to influence her when he didn't feel the emotion he wanted from her. It was as if an invisible hand were tightening around her throat, her vision fuzzy and the pain unbearable. Instead of panicking, as she had been, this time she focused. The same way she would for a reading. A frown lined her face as she fought through the pain, her will against his. She suddenly managed to reduce his influence to a dull ache. No longer the deep cuts of pain he had been inflicting before. It was sudden, a new discovery the pain thankfully ceasing.

"Ooo, she's learning" Oleander teased, becoming amused with her. He felt her surprise as she blocked him from causing her more pain. He can see her recovering, but his persistence continued. He moved his neck to each side, a cracking echoing through the great hall as the order were influenced into a silence, "Honey, honey, honey…" he shook his head with a sickening smile, "You think being pals with the Slayer will let you off? You deserve this pain. You deserve to feel worse"

"Why?" she asked, why would he possibly want to do this to her? Why would he blindly follow a prophecy

"if you have to ask, maybe you're not ready for the answer…" He laughed, "You think this isn't about you! How precious… you're the root of it all"

"Wh-" her confusion meant her blocking powers started to weaken, she wasn't used to it.

"You seem tired… and oh! You're hungry! Steak dinner, darling? I have some very talented followers, they come to me and for me from all manner of occupations" He whispered the second part, a glint in his eye as Saffron held back an eye-roll.

"I don't eat meat" She hissed, another spike of pain had managed to slide through her weakening barriers. Oleander knew this about her, she could tell that much from him.

"Oh! Are we sharing?! How fun! I'm a Cancer, I enjoy long walks on the beach and I'm partial to the occasional square of chocolate. Although, I prefer dark chocolate if you were planning on getting me a little gift to thank me for your stay" Saffron sighed, of course he would be the same star sign as her, "Your turn!" he asked pleasantly but he dripped with insincerity.

"Makes sense, with the chocolate, you're bitter" she said, not offering anything more about herself. She didn't want him to know anymore. She wanted to cling to the few things she could keep to herself. Things he hadn't managed to take from her yet.

"As bitter as that coffee and nicotine addiction" he quipped, apparently enjoying the back and forth.

"You already know me, why are you pretending to do introductions?" He closed his eyes before staring up at the ceiling as if asking for strength from the Lord himself, although he didn't believe in a cosmic entity. The cruelty was something so entwined with human nature, he was sure the world had been abandoned long ago. Saffron felt this, and his annoyance as she realised, "Oh, you want me to know you"

"Well, you have to play the game, kitten! It wouldn't be so fun if you saw me as a two-dimensional faceless evil that merely wanted you dead"

"But you are a two-dimensional, faceless evil that merely wants me dead" She muttered, hissing as he twisted an invisible knife in her gut.

"You use humour as a defense. It's a little sad" he pulled a fake-pout before his face snapping back to his resting face, everything about him was constructed.

"You don't find it sad"

"What do I find it? Go on, try it… entertain me, darling" his eyes lit up, eyes boring into hers as he waited excitedly for her to play the game. She focused, trying to prove herself for some reason unknown to herself.

"You find it, uh, you find it…" she started, but he had blocked her off,"You're not playing fair"

"No, you're not trying hard enough" he shrugged, turning from her, apparently bored. His latest second-in-command walked up to the front, head bowed. She was new to the role and trying to keep it for as long as possible. When you lost the role, you lost your life too.

"My light, O Leander!" she recited respectfully as he rested his hand on her forehead. She closed her eyes, Saffron could feel her euphoria from where she was chained. His touch was all that it

"You think our girl's attractive, Sister Bernadette?" he asked as he turned her to face Saff. She thought it over for a second, before replying.

"Oil painting" She shrugged as Oleander smiled wide, he liked a little personality in his followers. Only a little, mind. Saff rolled her eyes - she was so over being a hostage.

"Pretty enough far away, but up close… what does he see in you?" He chuckled as she did. They kissed before she returned to the crowd. It was an unacceptably, in Saff's opinion, long goodbye. Saff felt that she worshipped him in the same way the whole room did. The unquestioning worship was suffocating her slowly.

"Now that was totally inappropriate, you got me chained up all sitting – well, standing – pretty with my full attention and what? I gotta watch you suck the face off one of your little creeps"

"Aw do you not like pda? Could have fooled me, the amount of time you and your-" He winced, smiling as he feeling her anger burn like a welt when he had mentioned Spike. She was a quick learner, shame she's so far behind. instead, he steered the conversation back, "You want to hear my life story? So, I met a guy, crazy for me. Then met his girl, she was cute as can be" he winked, opening his mouth to continue but she cut him off.

"Oh God. Please don't start singing" Saffron muttered and he frowned at her apparent disinterest.

"Oh, we just fucked for hours, it wasn't no summer romance baby"

"You're happy to label me a 'slut', but your promiscuity is what? A fun anecdote to humanise yourself? How can you get away with that logic?" Saffron asked, before righting herself, "Oh, right you're a man"

"Gender hasn't got anything to do with it, darling. I'm comfortable in my sexuality, with any such label. You, however, don't enjoy the label. Any label. It makes you squirm and I enjoy feeling the regret of some of your past encounters…" he surprised her, entering her mind once more. Her emotions. Memories. "_She_ was a big mistake wasn't she? But that kiss, though… sexy"

"Fuck off you idiot! You know that was- I was drunk!"

"And angry… what a beautiful combination… most people experiment in college but you… you were ahead of the curve. Maybe that's why we're connected. We knew we were destined from a young age, we were always above the others. Ahead of them"

"I'm nothing like you!" she shouted, snapping him back out of her mind. He had touched a nerve and he had been enjoying plucking it like a guitar string. He stood close to her, their bodies almost touching.

"Now that's what I call ignorance: Volume one!" He sneered, rolling his eyes at her. He smoothed down his outfit, checking it was still perfect. He had selected a different shirt for their meeting but he had a bit of blood spilt on it so he had to make a quick change. He moved in, taking her hair in his hand, winding the brunette strands around his hand and pulling her back to face up to him.

At this moment, Spike was pulled into the hall, flanked by two Order members. He shoves them away from him and catches Saff's eye. He sees how close Oleander is to her, how familiar he is and instantly thinks the worst.

"Fucking get off her you great poof!" he shouted, a gasp echoing from every mouth in the hall, except the three in the conversation.

"Spike don't-" she tried to warn but she was influenced into a brief silence as Oleander whipped around and stalked towards Spike. Spike was all too happy to posture.

"Did you just… I'm a poof?"

"Spike he's gay, he-! He's getting mad!" Saffron shouted, trying to appeal to her vampire.

"Well I _am_ evil!" He shouted, turning to Oleander, not willing to take it back. He hated him and in his mind, anything was fair game.

"Spike-!"

"That's a slur"

"Well, where I come from, it's a handy little descriptive term that the yanks don't mind so I can just about get away with it" He said, pushing the man's shoulders, "If it's all the same to you – Bugger off!"

"Look, mate, he doesn't mean nothing by it - it's how they spoke in the olden days right?" saffron felt the spike of anger at the disrespect from Spike, "He's called me a bint before if that's any consolation… and he loves me"

"You _are_ a bint" Oleander snapped at her, not looking away from Spike. She could feel his anger and it was roaring around them like a fire. She flipped him off, her gesture just about understandable as she twisted her hand that was still shackled to the wall. He wasn't looking though.

"Oi! It's only alright when I say it" Spike pointed threateningly at Oleander before his face dropped, head cocked to the side. Saffron frowned. Then she felt it, he was influencing Spike. Spike dropped to his knees as the anger bubbled to a slow simmer. This made Saffron go cold, despite the temperature in the room. That kind of manageable anger was dangerous. Oleander turned to face Saffron and his intentions were bad. They made her want to scream before she even knew what was going on. Oleander started to unbuckle his white trousers, maintaining eye contact with Saffron as he did. Her eyes started to water as he felt his intentions and the feeling from Spike, the feelings he was being made to have made her jump into a fit of rage. He smiled at her reaction, enjoying her fear and anger. She was physically shaking as she watched him.

_Don't fucking touch him!_ She screamed at him, but only the pair could hear it. It was in his head, rattling around his brain. He smiled, his caricature villain smile - things were getting more interesting. She would rather die than watch Spike be tortured this way. The vampire was her weak point. Very interesting.

"Isn't he a bit old for you anyway, kiddo?" He said, stroking Spike's hair from his position on his knees. Spike looked blankly up at the man, not able to feel emotions that weren't forced on him by Oleander.

_You fucking bastar-_

Saffron's thought communication to Oleander was cut short, she had snapped her restraints from the wall, forgetting about her convenient super-strength. She looked down at her hands with a grin, at least it was good for something. Everything happens for a reason and all that. Oleander just stared in shock. They were supposed to be equal, how did she have the power to snap through steel? While he was staring at her evidently appalled that he didn't have super-strength, he had forgotten to continue influencing Spike and the vampire was pissed. He got up from his position on the floor and landed a hard punch to the side of his face, not bothered if it would give him a headache or not. It didn't, though. Saffron snapped the shackles, fashioning herself some chic bracelets so she could use her hands. She ran at Oleander, thumping him on the other side of his face before Spike grabbed her hand and they ran out of there before Oleander or his followers could get their bearings back. They had rushed him and run for it faster than he could formulate his thoughts to influence anyone.

"That's… cheating" Oleander said slowly, holding his jaw and moving it around to check it was working. He stared at the empty doorway the pair had run out of, a scowl settling on his features as he wondered what else the little bitch was hiding from him. The pair had clasped hands and ran out of the great hall, through the plush, decorated corridors that held the rooms of all the order members and out of the front gate before any of them had chance to react. Oleander looked around the room at the many followers copying his facial expression and shock, who evidently hadn't thought to subdue the pair themselves. He raised his eyebrows, looking around at them all, "Is nobody going after them?" He looked around as the order stared blankly, waiting for further instruction, "Do I have to start cracking skulls? Go!" he screamed, flinging his arms out towards where the pair had just run off.

Saff and Spike made it home to Revello Drive by late morning, Spike had run through the town under a blanket. They ran into the kitchen, not realising nobody else had been home that night either, except Dawn and Tara. Spike and Saff burst in, explaining what had happened. Saff felt worry from room and tried to her best to calm them despite everything. In her effort she started to fall in exhaustion, spike having to hold her up. _Bloody caring for the rest of them when she should be saving the comforting for herself._

Willow, Amy, Dawn and Buffy were all in the kitchen as they explained where they had been. The tortured pair had interrupted Buffy's excuse and Willow asked again where she had been, much to Buffy's annoyance. She thought she had gotten away with it.

"I was just ou-out, slaying. All night" Saff squinted. She wasn't slaying all night. It was something else. Buffy was lying, at least she could still feel that. But She was too tired to confront her in front of everyone. Spike was still holding her up as Amy left and Willow and buffy went to bed. Dawn was disappointed and lonely so Saff smiled at her, hobbling to the middle of the room with Spike's help.

"We can stay up with you if you like, Dawny" Saff yawned, leaning against Spike.

"No, that's okay, you're all tortured and tired – I'll find some awake people" she shrugged, walking up to her room, thanking her for offering.

Saff and Spike managed to get to the basement room. They had managed to get a bed in there now although most of her stuff was still at the crypt. They collapsed into bed together, not bothering to take their clothes off. They were exhausted and clinging to each other tightly.

"Are you okay? What he was going to-"

"Don't sweat it, love. Been in my fair share of scrapes"

"But this was-" She started, frowning, he appeared to be more worried with the way Oleander had been with her but she couldn't be sure, "Show me how you're feeling?" They clasped hands with the intent to share, Spike's feelings and hers as the scene played. He had wanted her to be okay just as she was feeling the same about him. Worrying about the other so fiercely. It was enough for Saffron to comfort him in the way she knew he needed.

"I love you" She whispered, pulling him into her. He nodded softly, both were extremely tired. He moved his hands to caress her skin ever so lightly as they settled comfortably against each other. It was as if they were made to fit together so easily. As they started to doze off in bed, Spike thought out loud about their day, both of their eyes closed.

"I've never been more grateful for that bloody jar in my life… didn't realise the pansies now were so precious about sodding words!"

Saffron opened her eyes a fraction to allow herself an eye-roll at Spike's sentiment but she was too tortured and tired, as Dawn put it, to say anything. She knew, despite his supposed 'evil' nature, he had no malicious intent behind his phrasing. Even so, she decided she'd have to remind him, "Yeah I'll write you a cheat sheet another day" She sighed into his side, "Thanks for coming to get me" she whispered, moving onto her side facing away from Spike as he adjusted his position so he was flush to her, wrapping a lazy arm over her. They enjoyed spooning like this, but they would threaten anybody that walked in and saw it happening. Saffron felt Spike's mood shift, he was feeling lighter now after everything and she smiled softly, glad he was able to move on but then rolled her eyes when she realised he was teasing her.

"You cut down a bloody alleyway didn't you?" He chided her softly, remembering where her scent had disappeared, "How many sodding times do I have to tell you? Alleyways are a big bad's paradise – stay a-bloody-way!" he continued, before bringing his arms to wrap around her tighter, telling himself he would be there next time to watch out for her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

Everyone, minus Willow, was researching Oleander and why the three would burgle the museum in the Magic Box. Spike had snatched up the papers that were hidden behind the couch with their robes and laid the plans over the table, "Oh, uh, I pocketed these before I made a run for it" he gestured at them as Saffron gave him one of those smiles he revelled in.

"You had to run from the three nerd-stooges?" Xander piped up.

"They were doing the mind-prayer and I wasn't planning on sticking around"

"He ran to come and get me. If he hadn't come, I would be dead. Or at least, waiting to die. So don't start alright? Just read the papers and give us the long and short of it" Saffron stated, turning back to the plans laid on the table.

"My leftover soldier senses tell me this is some kinda gun"

"Yeah, my state-the-bleeding-obvious senses felt that one" Spike muttered, looking over Tara's shoulder at the papers littering the tabletop. Everyone was just staring.

"I know this. It's a full moon ritual, detailing the use of diamond for purity. But as for this, it does seem to be some kind of gun or a homemade device like that…"

"It also seems really…"

"Lame?" Anya offered as the others nodded. Trust the nerds to even make evil plots appear feeble.

"Shame Will isn't here, she'd know exactly what the blueprints meant" Saff spoke out loud without thinking. Tara looked around uncomfortably and Saff sent her an apologetic look and a little comfort which the girl accepted, shaking her head to show she understood. Talk then turned back to Will's addiction again as the others explained to Tara, Saff (and Spike who they didn't figure would have an interest) that Willow had used magic to access police reports instead of hacking.

"And bringing Amy back? More like making herself a playmate to do magic with. Y'know someone who won't monitor her like… well, like Tara…" Xander finished, sending an apologetic look towards Tara, telling her that he was on her side. She nodded, understanding. She wished everyone wasn't so awkward around her and Saffron felt bad when she sensed it.

"No, Willow's a grownup. You know, maybe she doesn't need to be monitored" Buffy said and Xander stared at her in disbelief, as did the rest of the room.

"You know, she's going through something, but we're not her. I mean... m-maybe she has reasons for acting this way…" Saff frowned at Buffy and the slayer could tell that she was going to get caught out, "And, so what if she crossed a line? You know, we all do stuff. Stupid stuff. But, then we learn. And, and we learn, and, and we don't do it again. Okay, so, you know, who are we to get all judgey?"

"Buff, when was this attitude when I was drinking? You people were judge-city" Saff stared at Buffy, feeling hurt from the others, "I, uh, appreciated the concern though…"

Saffron was staring at Buffy who didn't seem to want to continue this conversation. Buffy started to shift awkwardly under Saff's blank stare as the others continued to discuss Willow but it dawned on her that Saff wasn't blinking. Her eyes had glazed over and she fell to the ground. Another excruciating memory that wasn't hers played out before her.

_ **xoxoxo** _

"You really can't go through a sodding day without landing yourself flat out can you?" Spike chided her softly, but the concern was evident as he guided her towards the sofa. She was okay now, the fainting had happened hours ago, but Spike was still acting as if she was about to drop at any moment. The care he had for her was unmatched and he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He was adamant he was going to be there if anything happened after last time. She had a knack for getting herself into untold peril, sometimes he was scared to blink in case something happened in that split second.

"Yeah well, with the pain and all it's more fun to be unconscious for most of it" She smiled, launching herself overdramatically to sit on the old sofa to prove how okay she was.

"You want anything? I think there's some off milk in the back of the fridge?" gesturing towards the mini-fridge in the corner or the crypt.

"That's okay. I'll grab some pop or juice on the way back from work tomorrow so I'm not stuck drinking your sorry excuse for human beverages"

"Do you mind if I-" He shook the bottle of Jack in his hand, not quite looking her in the eye.

"Now we're talking – mine's a double"

"Love…"

"Joking! Joking, go ahead. I'll nurse my headache with a good old fashioned temple rub and hope it helps" Spike turned around. Pouring himself a drink. Spike had been thinking while he poured. He wanted to take all of her pain away. All of her anxieties and destinies and squash them into nothing.

Sometimes he wished she could drink with him again, like they used to. Just to take the edge off. It was what had brought them together, but he could never allow her just as she could never allow herself. He cared too much about her and getting drunk was something she just couldn't do. It just wasn't healthy for her, she didn't know how to stop.

He decided he had something better. He was going to save it for the perfect moment, but quickly decided that every moment with her was perfect. He set down his glass and shifted a stone lid to a coffin, reaching in and taking a small box from in there where he had been hiding it. Saffron was watching tv, not paying attention to him rooting about in the coffin. He came and sat next to her and turned off the tv.

"Hey- I was enjoying that!"

"I, uh, have something for you, Honeysuckle…" he said, handing her a small box, "I was gonna wait until your Birthday but you need it sooner than later"

He opened the box, revealing beautiful ring. It had a silver band with a pensive purple stone that seemed to move around like an aura or a dreamscape. She gasped lightly, her eyes gleaming as she looked up at him, crashing her lips into his, "Fucking hell it's beautiful!" she breathed when their lips finally parted.

"Cost a pretty penny but you're worth it" He shrugged as she turned her attention back to the ring. She wasn't necessarily materialistic, but the thought that goes into a gift like this, it definitely made her feel loved up.

"How could you afford it?" She asked, it looked expensive and it was almost humming to her, as if she was always meant to have had been doing a lot of reading lately. Spike had been working, and it involved a lot of waiting around, so while he was waiting he decided to make himself useful. Reading up on the prophecies. The myths and legends, even whispers of whispers that may not pan out. He had found it, the gem. It had been kept in the same underground treasure trove that kept the gem of amara for centuries and he knew it held importance for her, both in their relationship and in the wider context of her destiny.

"I have my ways" He said but she was too pleased to question him further. She could feel only good intentions from her man. She wrapped her arms around Spike, hugging him close to her. Whispering thank you over and over. She kissed him softly, tiny excited kisses as she squeezed him closer to her. Her strength was starting to get to him but he couldn't complain. He hadn't seen her this happy in such a long time, it was such a treat. He moved her back slightly, so he could explain the gift further.

"That ring is important, it'll help you love. It's the_ Jewel of Aspectus_… or you can call it _fàinne de shealladh purpaidh,_ if you're being a toff" He winked after he pronounced the last phrase perfectly, "Some believe it's a mystical mood ring, some a myth cooked up by Gaelic prophets but I think it's the perfect romantic gift for my favourite girl"

"You're too good to me, Spike" she sighed, stroking his face as he continued to explain, holding her off from shutting him up with the kisses she desperately wanted to land on his moving lips.

"It's, uh, meant to have mystical touchy-feely properties and well, you seem to like purple so… It'll help with your head hopefully pet"

"Would you-would you put it on me?" He nodded, smiling, looking into her eye as he slid the ring onto her left ring-finger, the only one that didn't already have a ring on it. She smiled, instantly having felt a tension rise and dissipate from her. It had been as if she was walking around and an invisible hand was pressing down on her hard, but she had only noticed it once it lifted. How long had she been walking around like that?

"You _are_ my soul, Honeysuckle" he admitted softly, tenderly stroking her cheeks as he cupped them with his hands. She smiled at him, kissing him softly as his lips caught hers and they embraced. Saffron slid a hand up his chest and sighed into the kiss. Their lips moved together, an expression of gratitude and love and so much more.

"Don't play yourself down. You're a good man, soul or no" She finally said as they managed to break their soft kiss. She knew he had meant it in a romantic sense, but she also felt his insecurity was bubbling below the surface, "Thank you for this – it's… it's as if I was meant to have it"

"You deserve all the good in the world, Honeysuckle, this is only a small part of that" He admitted, looking down slightly as he said it, "You belong in the light" This was a familiar conversation they had had before. He had admitted that he felt bad for making her stay in the shadows with him.

"It's a good job I have you then, isn't it?" she replied, without missing a beat. She wouldn't let him do this to himself again, "Why would I want the light when you're not able to walk into it with me? I'm by your side, always, some ugly metaphor equating goodness and light won't change that. I'm yours, and if you don't mind, you're mine" She grinned up at him, landing a chaste kiss on his lips.

The pair cuddled up to each other, with Saff's hand on Spike's thigh showing off her ring. She couldn't stop looking at it and then up at him. Her eyes glistened she was so in love with this man. Spike slid his hand under hers, clasping his fingers between hers. He looked down, enjoying seeing her wearing a ring on that finger. One day, he told himself. He vowed it.

They stayed together like that for a long time, watching the tv but being hyperaware of the other next to them. They could stay like this forever, entwined together. But, this was Sunnydale, and that was never going to happen. Buffy had rushed in, not lowering herself to bother to knock, and moving to switch off the tv and turn to face the pair, hands on her hips.

"Dawn and Willow – they're gone"

"what do you mean gone?!"

"Missing" Buffy stated, trying to stay calm.

"Again?!"

"Anyone thought of getting the chit a bell?" Spike muttered as they both moved from their place on the sofa.

"Buy her one for her Birthday" Saff offered, pulling her boots back on.

"If we don't go, there'll be no birthday" Buffy said, a sense of urgency as the pair guessed Dawn had followed a butterfly into a meadow and forgot to leave a crust of bread behind her.

"Wait, if she's with Will what's the big?"

"She's got herself into trouble. There's a guy – Rak and-"

"Rak? He's bad news. A dealer in the dark magics" Spike spoke up, shaking his head his jaw tensing that Dawn had been brought into all that.

"A fucking dealer?! Fuck I knew it was getting bad but… shit! And she's taken Dawn to score?"

"You need a big bad – to feel out the energy… but that's why you're here isn't it?"

"We-we need to get to them – Now!" Buffy said, adjusting her scarf around her neck, itching to leave.

"Alright, let's roll then" Saffron muttered as she shrugged on a soft grey hoodie and tied her hair back. Before she started to stalk to the door, Buffy stopped her and took her hand down to look at the new addition to her jewellery collection.

"Wait… are… are you engaged!?" Her eyes widened. Spike and Saffron looked at each other a glint in their eyes as they shook their heads, but they could have fooled Buffy. They looked like they were. She felt the love around the room and it made her happy but also lonely. They didn't falter when she asked. The pair just clasped hands and stalked off to find Dawn leaving Buffy confused and on their heels.

** _xoxoxo_ **

Buffy ran ahead, starting to slay the demon as the lovers ran towards the saw the crashed car and thought the worst. They ran into the abandoned building the apprehension from her own worry giving Saffron a headache, never mind the others' anxiety too.

They saw Willow and Dawn and stopped dead. Buffy got rid of the demon and rushed towards Dawn. Spike was angry, ready to tear Willow apart but Saffron set a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Dawn" She whispered, her safety was the most important thing right now. They moved towards her as Willow started to cry, begging Dawn to forgive her. Buffy defeated the demon, moving the scarf back in place self-consciously as she joined Saff beside Dawn. The sisters checked Dawn over, inspecting her arm. She would have to go to hospital. Saff's first reaction, along with the others, was anger. How could Will do this? That's why nobody did anything when Dawn turned and slapped Willow with force.

Willow sunk to the floor, a crying mess. Saffron felt her emotions so acutely, she felt like crying too. The addiction, the pull was so strong. Even now, she wanted to be back with Rak, no matter how guilty and horrible she felt over what had just happened. She would need to turn to something else when she felt this way. She couldn't go back to Rak.

Saffron hugged her cousin as gently as possible, allowing Spike to walk her to the hospital. He was confused at first, he had expected her to at least get a slap in herself, but this was something she understood. She knew addiction, she knew the hold it could have. How embedded in your brain it could become if you didn't have the support. And she no longer had Tara, so Saff knew they needed to be there. Her and Buffy. She hoped buffy was on the same page, she could feel Will's emotions too after all.

Buffy started to lay into Willow and Saffron stayed silent, knowing she needed to hear it. Buffy shouted, telling her how reckless and stupid she had been and Saffron couldn't disagree.

"It was reckless and dangerous-" Buffy continued her speech, ensuring she was tough on Willow. Buffy rubbed her neck and Saffron felt something unusual from her cousin. She looked as if she was in her own head whilst she spoke on something else.

"I can't do it" Willow sobbed, clinging to Buffy who just stood there, "I can't! I can't, I ju-"

"You can, Will" Saffron finally said sincerely, which surprised Buffy, "You have to"

"God, I need help. Please! Please... help me, please...I need help" she continued, wiping her eyes as Buffy opened her arms to hug Willow. Saffron joined the pair, wrapping her arms around both of them, hoping that the three of them could get through everything that was coming next, "We've got you" she whispered.

Usually, the strength of Will's addiction would have hurt too much to bear touching the girl. But the ring, it was helping. She could feel it all still but it wasn't hurting so much. A tiny twinge here and there. Her mind cast back to Spike as she twisted her new ring. He was so thoughtful, she didn't know but he hadn't stopped looking through that dusty tomb until he had found the ring. No object was left un-turned until it was found, this time for entirely selfless reasons.

They had returned from the emergency room with Dawn's arm now in a sling. When everyone was back, Buffy and Saffron had set Willow up in her room. Saffron made some soup (Willow hadn't eaten) as Buffy kept Willow's company. Spike went to the basement, not able to stay in the same room as Willow. He was ready to risk a headache for what the witch had done. They explained to Willow that Dawn's arm was fractured, but the doctor had said that it could have been a lot worse.

The cousins sat on the edge of Willow's bed, she was wrapped in a blanket her eyes staring a little as she tried, and failed, to relax. She zoned back into the room, her eyes now on the girls that were trying their best to support her despite Dawn's sulking that they were.

"Will, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special"

"Don't I? I mean, guys, who was I? Just... some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl…" Willow sighed.

"You are more than some girl and Tara wants you to stop. She loves you"

"We don't know that"

"I know that. I promise you" Buffy insisted and Saff nodded along in agreement.

"I just... it took me away from myself, I was free"

"I get that, babe - really I do, but this… this has to stop. You have to want to change" Saffron offered, the only advice she could give. Kicking a habit this strong was hard. Buffy was frowning, apparently in deep thought as Saffron rested a comforting hand over Willow's hand.

"I understand. More than you-" Buffy stopped herself from continuing, making Saffron frown further, "But it's wrong. People get hurt" Saffron nodded along, making a mental note to ask Buffy later.

"If something had happened to Dawn tonight... something worse…"

"I know"

"No, I don't think you do. I-I ... I was out of my mind, I ... I did things I can't even…"

"We know" Saffron nodded, seriously. She knew how she felt, not just because she had her abilities.

"It won't happen again, I promise. No more spells. I'm finished"

"Good. I think it's right - to give it up… no matter how good it feels" Buffy looked in deep thought as Saffron frowned at her cousin. Things weren't going to be easy. Not for any of the women in this room.

"It's not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love" Willow continued, but Buffy didn't appear to be in the room. She was in deep thought about something else as she

"I'm proud of you for making the decision, Will. But the change won't happen overnight. It just won't" she continued to hold Will's hand, willing her to understand, "You might struggle, want to do it again, you might even do magic again… but if you ever do, come and talk to me. Either of us"

"I will"

"I mean it, I'm not going to judge you. You just can't let it get out of control again… just talk to me. I'll be here" Saffron said, squeezing Will's hand. She nodded, the first trace of a smile since everything. She didn't feel she deserved Saffron's care, her genuine concern but she really appreciated it. Buffy was more reserved with her support and Saffron decided the pair needed to talk alone, so she got up and said her goodnights before leaving.

Saff left them to continue talking, feeling they needed it. She checked in on Dawn's room, who was knocked out with the meds from the emergency room. before slowly padding down the stairs to her basement room. She had allowed Dawn to have Angelina (the cat) sleeping in her room Saffron slipped into bed beside Spike late into the night, she was exhausted. Both by her own emotions and everyone elses. Buffy felt how Saffron was feeling and only wished that she could influence her to feel better the way Saffron had for her many times before. Saffron didn't know that she felt like this, Buffy's blocking skills had only become stronger as she became used to the powers.

"You okay, love?" He asked, knowing the answer. He wrapped his arms around her middle and rested his head on her chest. Saffron closed her eyes, a hand resting on Spike's head.

"Just… everything's coming at once"

"Way I see it, Red's fate's in her own hands" He warned, still unable to hide the bite in his voice as he thought about the recent events, "Can't do much more for her now. You need to stop takin' on the troubles of the world when you have your own worries"

She shook her head. It wasn't just that, it was everything descending on them. It was worrying about the safety of those she loved, everyone's emotions were all over the place at the moment and she was scared that Oleander would use Spike to hurt her, as he knew how deeply she cared for him. Because he felt how she did in a way that, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ever quite reach him with the same intensity. And she wasn't sure she wanted to have the ability to be that cruel - even to him.

"Buffy isn't talking to me and I think she's hiding something. I don't feel any emotions from her, it's as if she were… blocking me" She sighed, nestling into Spike as he switched positions to hold her into his chest, "You know what she's like - I can't force her to talk to me" She muttered, twisting the ring that Spike bought her around her finger. It really was helping, although at times like this it is hard to recognise. The one constant was that she was reminded of Spike's love and the strength she had when he believed in her any time she saw it.

"I know now, for sure, that Oleander is the Corrupted. He's not going to stop until he's killed me and by the looks of it, everyone I care about…" her voice wavered,

"You can do this, Saff. I've got you, love… I'll be right here, fightin' by your side but I'd be a fool to think when you kill the bastard it would have anything to do with me" he said sincerely. He would be there, but he knew it wasn't necessarily his fight. But he was determined to support her in any way he could.

The entire house into a collective sleep. A breath of relief for each of them as they were able to unshackle themselves from their worries for even a brief moment. Even Spike fell asleep despite that it was the middle of the night. They could only hope that with the dawn of a new day would bring a better tomorrow.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry about the wait! Chapter 50 ! I can't believe it! Originally this chapter was so much longer but I had to split this one up into two separate chapters (so hopefully chapter 51 should be out soon)! I hope you're all enjoying the story, I've definitely enjoyed writing it ! xo

Chapter 50:

Oleander was sat on his throne, it had the flowers of his namesake intricately weaved into the wood. He was holding a meeting, an update on where they were in the plan, "The Wicca is addicted, as expected. Bless her, so trusting in those that she shouldn't, will she ever learn, darlings?" He asked his audience, pleased she found Rak all on her own. He smiled with glee as he remembered how he had befriended her almost two years ago now.

_"No!"_ they chorused.

"There shall be a visitor to the Ex-vengeance demon's wedding to the human, playing on their already embedded insecurity, I'm almost chafing at the bit to be there myself. Except, I have my scheduled dick appointment that day. Pity"

_"O Leander! You shall be there in spirit! You are everywhere!"_

"The key she is still so adamant to protect will die, doing what the little brat does best…" He smirked, he had everything all lined up. Saffron would be on her knees before the world was, alone and suffering.

_"Our light in the dark, the hatred in our hearts! O Leander, we implore thee, rid us of its pitiful slander!"_

"And, my dearest followers, my disciples of hate and truth, we have big plans for her and her delicious vampire" he cackled.

_"O Leander! O Leander! May your eye see us through. May your presence guide us against this evil. For thine is the glory, the power and the sight. Rid us of thee, Honeysuckle blight"_

"Now, for the slayer…" he muttered, making them all feel pain. A 'test' to prove they can stand it by his side. Stand it in the new world. He watched, enjoying it. Their pain. Their struggle as he planned the next few weeks for both his equal and her cousin.

** _xoxoxo_ **

_Meanwhile, at Revello Drive…_

The three siblings were tidying the house. Each helping remove anything magical that they could find so that their friend, and housemate, could try and kick her habit. This was already a struggle for everyone living in the house but the youngest was the most vocal about how unhappy it was making her.

"Candles?! We can't have candles?" Dawn whined, scowling. Saffron moved to side hug her cousin, avoiding her arm that was in a sling and trying to comfort her silently. Saffron had become exhausted, the ring was helping but the emotional turmoil in the room was starting to make her body heavy. As if she were wading through thick mud and this was before she even considered her own problems.

"Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go" Buffy stated before looking over at Willow who had just walked down the stairs looking sorry for herself.

"B-but they're just candles!" Dawn insisted. Saffron catches her attention and winks, taking the candle from behind Dawn's back and slowly sliding them behind the cupboard in the corner of the room while Buffy was busy explaining herself and rooting through boxes. Willow pointed out some hidden items that the others had overlooked that had been Tara's before they moved onto a different room.

Dawn and Saff left them to it, with Saff gesturing at Dawn to follow her to the basement. On their way down to her room, Saffron had filled her own cardboard box of magical items from their hiding places around the house. Behind the sofa. In a lamp shade. Hidden in plant pots. Each time she snuck something out, Dawn's smile got wider.

"So we can keep it? We just can't tell Willow?"

"Or Buffy. It's true that Will's gonna need to stay clear of this shit for a while but it doesn't mean we have to go without. We'll keep it… here. Locked up" She pointed towards a trunk, much like Buffy's weapon's chest that would hold their smuggled items, "...and I'll get Spike to get a key cut for us so we can both have one" Saffron explained and Dawn nodded enthusiastically. She promised to keep it a secret and Saffron could tell how much she valued being included this way and 'allowed' in some sense to break the rules.

A small creak was heard and both recognised Buffy's footfall from years of living in the same house together as she entered Saff's room which was slowly resembling an inhabitable space again. Both girls instinctively stepped in front of the chest and their smuggled goods so that they wouldn't catch a hard time from Buffy, who Saffron knew was only doing her best to protect her friend.

Buffy squinted between them, able to tell they were hiding something - feeling emotions really was helpful sometimes. But, before she could ask, Dawn noticed what Buffy was holding. Dawn's eyes widened in horror as she realised Buffy was going to throw out her favourite statue, Kokopelli.

"Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's. Why do we have to get rid of so many things I like?"

"Dawn, I explained this to you. Willow has a problem. Like when we had to make sure no alcohol passed through this house after Saffron had her..."

"Alcohol addiction? Come on Buff, we've died and this is what you're bothered about mentioning?" Saff said lightly, smiling at her cousin who smiled back. She knew how Saffron was feeling. Her shame and embarrassment was definitely still there, but her determination was stronger. She didn't see the point in beating around the bush and not saying what it was. Buffy was being kind, she knew this, and now Buffy could feel she did too.

"Yeah, and now she goes out and even pours Spike drinks. So why can't Willow just get to that stage already?"

"Dawn, it has taken me a lot to get to that point. Some days, I can't go near alcohol 'cause I don't trust myself with it. It's really fucking hard so we gotta do everything we can" Saffron said, giving Dawn a look. Telling her not to push it, she had already helped her keep some items.

"Yeah. The next few weeks are gonna be crazy hard on her as it is" Buffy agreed, "What with recovering and… Tara"

"That's true. On that note, you wanna pass me Kokopelli and I can, uh, dispose of the statue for Willow. I know a person that'll take it"

Buffy turns away as she continues talking. Dawn rolls her eyes and turns to pick up the statue and hide it in the chest as Buffy's back was turned. They then followed Buffy through the house as she grabbed more items and filled more cardboard boxes.

"Any reminder of, of what it is that she's trying to stay away from, you know, could cause her to... give in to temptation" Buffy muttered, more to herself, "And that would be... _bad_" Saffron frowned, about to ask what that meant. It was clearly something more personal to Buffy but she didn't get a chance.

Dawn interrupted her thoughts by commenting on her new ring. She had taken her hand and had a good look at it, continuing to gush loudly about it.

"It's so pretty! Do you think I'll get a boyfriend that'll buy me expensive destiny engagement rings?"

"Not an engagement ring, Dawny, I've already told you-"

"Yeah, yeah whatever" Dawn so wasn't convinced.

Saffron looked towards Buffy, pulling her to the side to see if she would explain what she had meant earlier, "You ok, Buff?"

"Yeah, you know…"

"Yeah, dying was the easy part…" They left everything else unsaid between them, despite saffron wanting to press further, "Uh, Spike's coming over tonight…." Saffron said quietly, before adding, "Just warning you in case, you know. We should just be watching horror flicks though" she reassured Buffy seeing her horrified expression. Having to feel arousal (that wasn't your own) out of the blue wasn't great.

Saffron did like horror films. But her current situation meant that she was jumping at any little thing, making Spike tease her mercilessly any time she even slightly moved or flinched from her position on the sofa. They had a stack of videos to get through and Spike had told Dawn that he really would rip her head off and drink from her brainstem if she even thought about interrupting their movie night together. She was a little hurt, but she kinda understood. They needed their time. They were having another night adventure the next evening and so she tried to bite her tongue and not complain (too much - it is Dawn, after all). Saff was right though, she could count on them.

During the film, as soon as she saw Spike so much as shift positions Saff pounced on it, shouting about him being scared of the film. This, of course generated a delicious reaction from Spike that made her eyes shine mischievously as she attempted to continue teasing him.

"If I was flinching at anything it was the sodding cardboard acting in this film! Enough to put anyone right off their blood and guts"

"No, I think the Big Bad might have lost his bottle" she teased, grinning at his outrage.

"Watch it, love. I can easily toss your ring into the Hellmouth and start a new life in New York faster than you can scream merry hell"

"That was worryingly thought out, you planning a trip?"

"Wouldn't dream of it – now watch the flick would you?" she knew he wouldn't go. He wouldn't leave just as she wouldn't leave him. The pair snuggled back up together, with Saffron arranging the blanket to drape over Spike as well. She maintained it was to be cosy, not that he needed it for warmth. He hadn't protested though, he secretly (or not so secretly as Saff could feel it) enjoyed it when she wrapped them both up in blankets and cuddled up together watching a flick. Saffron kissed Spike's cheek as his eyes were trained on a particularly gory scene that he was enjoying a little too much. She weaved her hand through his hair at the base of his skull before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and leaning into him. She closed her eyes out of comfort, hoping he wouldn't notice and tease her for not watching.

It had been another hour, they were onto the next video and Saff was watching intently with her legs crossed under her. This film was about demonic possession and Spike had been pointing out all of the unrealistic parts. He had seen a few demonic possessions in his time and Saffron wasn't sure if this information was helping, especially considering she hadn't believed the 'based on true events' warning at the start. She was still jumping every now and again due to the way oleander had messed with her, but she was enjoying the fright from the video.

A knock at the door sounded out and Spike and Saff both jumped sideways and wrapped their arms around each other as if they could protect the other from the threat of the door. They both looked at each other with an eye roll and a smile as Dawn called that the pizza had arrived and she went to pay. They kissed softly, the others actions in trying to protect the other fuelling their kiss. It was soft, slow and their lips glided over the other, expressing their love for the other so easily.

They wouldn't mention this even to each other, the embarrassment of appearing so worried for the other was enough to tell them not to talk about it. They knew the first thing both of them would reach for when they were expecting a fight was each other.

They settled back in on the movie, taking slices of pizza as their eyes were glued to the screen. Saffron nestled into Spike's side and Spike eventually (when he had eaten almost the whole pizza despite it holding no nutritional value for him) wrapped his arms back around Saff. They sat happily, both commenting on things they found unrealistic or just plain funny. Saffron had finally started to relax.

That was until about a couple of hours later when Saffron felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. There was something evil afoot. Then she saw it. Something so horrible, so disgusting that Saffron couldn't speak for what felt like an entire minute as she was in so much shock.

Saffron then managed to scream, her voice pitched higher than it had ever been. At this, Spike jumped. His concern spreading across his features as he tried to figure out if it was Oleander or a different demon. Saffron started to shakily point to the far corner where there was a… large spider scuttling towards them.

"What the bloody-?!" Spike started, before he looked in the direction she was pointing.

"Get it, Spike, fucking get it!" Saff screamed, finally finding her voice again. She then proceeded to use Spike as a human shield. He rolled his eyes, shoved his boots back on and went towards the creature. He started to line up his boot and quickly stamp down onto the carpet, near missing the spider as it darted away from him. He tried to stamp again but Saffron shouted, making him face her, "You can't kill it!" She screamed pulling him back. They start to squabble over how best to remove it from the room as Saff insisted that the spider should be safely taken outside.

"This aint the time to get precious, pet" he warned, "I've seen you take out three vamps in one go so spare me the bloody guilt trip!"

"Evil, nasty, ugly little creatures" She shuddered looking around for the spider, "But still innocent"

"And how _exactly_ do we determine the innocence of a being, roll the dice? Flip a bloody coin?" He asked, exasperated. Dawn came in while they were squabbling with an empty jar and some card. She struggled with her cast on but managed to get the spider into the jar.

"I have a special direct line to the powers, they dish the guilt out unevenly, take it up with them!"

"No need! I got it!" Dawn called, taking the spider she had collected to the back door and setting it free. The pair looked up from their argument and Saff exhaled a breath she hadn't realised that she had been holding at the fear of the spider. _She couldn't explain it, she could handle any demon that Sunnydale threw at her, but bugs? Spiders? They can absolutely fuck off._

Dawn walked back in as they muttered their thanks for removing it. Dawn then proceeded to try to convince them she should watch seeing as she saved them. They shout no at the same time and turn to face each other and grin. They begin to gaze into each others eyes, not hearing Dawn's very convincing arguments why she should stay. She groaned in annoyance and stormed out.

They settled back into each other for the night. Saff admired her ring as she sat and Spike managed to peel his eyes away from the gore for a moment to ask, "You like it then?"

"Love it. Almost as much as I love you" She smiled, leaving a soft trail of kisses along his jaw line, before meeting his lips enthusiastically. They watch movies until the early hours, before falling asleep on top of each other on the couch.

_ **xoxoxo** _

The next morning, Spike had tucked Saff in the blankets and set to work in the kitchen, using all his vampire stealth to be very quiet. However, all the pots and pans had been put away wrong and were waiting for someone to open the cabinet to all come tumbling out, "Bloody hell!" He muttered. Then cursed silently to himself and paused, making sure she was still sleeping soundly in the other room. But she wasn't. She was looking at him confusedly from the doorway. He was going to make her breakfast in bed, but she caught him, he explained somewhat sheepishly.

"_You_ were going to make _me_ breakfast in bed? What do you want?" She asked, mock-suspiciously. He replied by giving her a suggestive smirk that she almost missed as she turned to make herself a coffee, a task she could do with her eyes closed. She also started to warm up Spike some blood without him having to ask. He started to make pancakes over the hob. He had gotten good at it, making them for Dawn while Saff was dead.

The microwave pinged and she took out the mug of blood, sprinkling a bit of pepper in there, hoping it would be a substitute for burbaweed as they didn't have any left. She set their mugs down on the counter, wrapping her arms around her vampire as he concentrated on the cooking. She hugged him from behind, resting her cheek against his back. The pair relaxed at the touch.

Spike turned around and pecked her on the lips, flipping the pancake with ease. He had a smug smile on his face, showing off at how well he could flip them. She praised him softly, allowing him to smirk further as she took the mug from the counter, popping a straw in it and held it in front of him. One hand slid up his back softly before she realised he was a bit busy with the cooking. She took the straw between her fingers, moving it to his lips and smiling brightly as she offered him the drink. His lips caught the straw and he started to drink hungrily. Their eyes connected. It was so domestic they could cry. She softly stroked the side of his cheek as he drank. He took the mug from her, setting it back on the counter.

"What would I do without you pet?"

"Oh, I don't know… I can see you making a nice cosy life with Mr Jack Daniels" She teased as she leaned up and left tiny kisses across his shoulder and up to the side of his neck, "I really love you, Spike" she hummed softly as she trailed more kisses.

They kissed softly, their lips moving over each other in perfect sync, as if it were a prayer they had could recite by heart. It was sacred. Their kiss a litany of their shared affections. They kissed sensually with such passion as if worshipping the other. Their devotion to the other never once in question. Saff looped her arms around his neck, her lips brushing against his. His hand slid down her chest lightly as she nipped lovingly here and there. They shared such soft, languid kisses that they were glowing with the love that they were professing through their actions. He threaded his hand through her chestnut hair, softly cradling the back of her head as the pancakes were long forgotten.

They hadn't come up for air since half an hour ago when they were parted by force by Buffy and Dawn when the fire alarm had gone off. They had forgotten about breakfast, entranced with each other. Saffron had been sat on the kitchen counter, Spike stood between her legs. One hand was resting on her thigh and the other on her waist. She had looped her arms around his neck again as they kissed languidly, their lips gliding over the others as if there was nobody there with them.

Dawn was trying to eat some toast but she was chewing slowly, staring through a cloud of smoke. She had been woken up early by the fire alarm and had decided it was safer to make her own breakfast. Xander walked in, looking puzzled at the smoke and the couple and then at Dawn questioningly. He had come to pick her up from school, but they were late again.

"They've been like this for ages, ever since Spike gave Saff the _so-not-an-engagement-ring_ ring" Dawn explained.

"What's the occasion?"

"Love" Dawn shrugged, taking another bite of toast.

"And the smoke?"

"Oh we all went to the dealer last night and smoked up a storm" Dawn deadpanned, before scowling at Willow who was walking past as she said the word 'dealer'.

"That was creepy, Dawnster, it was almost as if SP was in the room with us" They both looked at the pair. Wherever they were, it wasn't in the room with them. Their bliss was evident, "What's the real reason?"

"They were making pancakes, but they forgot what with the smooching. The fire alarm went off and they didn't break apart until we shouted!" Dawn spoke louder as she went back to look at the pair. But they hadn't noticed, Saff and Spike all over each other since the gift.

"God, I need to get Anya one of those!" Xander muttered.

"She's already got an engagement ring, can't you keep a little of that momentum?" Buffy asked before shouting loudly towards the pair, "Morning!" saff mumbled something that sounded like a reply whereas Spike ignored the others completely. Dawn ignored Buffy, still not happy about being made to get rid of all her magic stuff.

Saffron finally came up for air, much to Spike's annoyance. He almost whined when her lips moved from his skin, but he righted himself as he remembered there were people around. Instead he decided to leave some soft kisses against her pulse-point as she looked up at the room in a daze.

"Buff, why are you dressed as a nun?" Saffron frowned, Buffy had been dressing more conservatively lately but this was something else. A shapeless turtleneck under several layers and a long skirt.

"Social services are coming, remember?" Buffy reminded her.

"Ah crap, that's today?" Saffron said, softly weaving her fingers between Spike's hair as he focused on pressing single, soft kisses to the mark on her neck.

"I thought it was yesterday but, uh, yeah, today" Buffy frowned and Saffron nodded, about to turn back to Spike. But then she noticed the mood that Dawn was in. She felt hard-done by and she was taking it out on Willow and Buffy. Saff stroked Spike's hair absentmindedly as his lips continued to ever so softly caress the side of her neck, as she kept an eye on the scene in front of her.

Dawn was being short with Willow. And Buffy for that matter. Snapping and scowling. Cradling her injured arm. Saff frowned at her but Dawn just shrugged as if she didn't care. _"You ok?"_ Saff mouthed. Dawn just shrugged, stalking to the front door as Buffy tried to talk to her.

Saffron stared at the doorway the others had just gone through a light frown as she thought about another rousing speech that she would have to make to Dawn about life being tough but getting through it. She was starting to turn into the flowery speech maker she once made fun of Buffy for being. Guess being the world's true sight changes a person. That thought made her shudder, over her dead body would she be changing. She didn't have to think of that long though, as Spike was pressing languid kisses along her collarbone, hoping to retain some of the affection he had been getting before the others had barged in and distracted her.

Saff checked the clock on the wall, they probably had time before social services comes to the door she decided and seeing as everyone was leaving and Willow was going for a nap (the girl slept like a log so they could have some privacy)...

The pair looked at each other for split second, the glint in their eyes matching as Spike smirked at his girl. Spike pulled her flush to him, sliding her off the counter top and took her into the living room. His lips were on hers as he carried her and they kissed heatedly. The heat rising between them. A demanding embrace as Spike sat back on the sofa, pulling Saff into him possessively. They were glued to each other, hot and fast.

Spike sat back on the chair, pulling Saff with him, landing her on his lap. She was straddling him, she took a hand and slid it up the side of his face, grasping some of the short bleach blonde hair at the back of his head. His eyes closed as she did this and she started to leave steamy kisses along the other side of his neck, sucking on a spot on the side of his neck, making a mark in the way he had marked her so many years ago. She carried on like this, stopping only to whisper every now and again. Spike had his hands on either of Saff's thighs, massaging them as she continued to kiss him. Saffron moved a hand from his chest, the other still in his hair, to reach between both of their legs, moving her hand at a steady pace and eliciting a guttural moan from Spike's lips. She smirked, as his head moved back and their eyes locked, both darkened with lust. Their lips were about to meet in another open-mouthed kiss but they were quickly snapped out of their moment.

The pair hadn't heard the door go, allowing Mrs Kroger, the social worker to enter. Buffy had shown her to the living room. A loud cough broke the lovers apart and Saffron stared wide-eyed at the older woman standing next to Buffy, having been caught in the act.

"Do you bloody mind!?" Spike said, his tone threatening as he looked between the slayer and the old hag. He gestured for them to fuck off so Saff could get back to her earlier position. She was even more appreciative than usual considering the gift he had bought her. He knew it was the meaning behind it that and the ring doing its job and helping with her pain, leaving her happy to enjoy other activities. He didn't bloody care what the reasoning behind it was, he was enjoying it. Enjoying her. He wished Sunnydale would let them be like this all of the time.

"Shit, hi" Saff said, eyes wide. Spike frowned, he hadn't been listening in the kitchen. He had been thinking of other things, _"Social"_ Saff whispered just enough for him to hear. Buffy introduced everyone as Saff slid off Spike's lap, wiping her hand on the back of her jeans and then offering it to the woman as a greeting. Mrs Kroger used her pen to move her hand down to her side. She didn't know where exactly that hand had been. Spike got up too, draping an arm around Saff's shoulder standing behind her slightly. Buffy rolled her eyes at the pair as the woman pulled a horrified face at the lovers. This wasn't going to go well.

"Do I, um, do I smell burning?" The woman sniffed the air.

"Small mishap, Buffy was busy patro- uh, cleaning… so I tried my hand at cooking. Each day I'm improving!"

"Ah, a risk to the child's safety, all in the name of improvement. Interesting"

"Uh, well-" Saff started to explain, but she was quickly cut off again.

"Is someone sleeping in here?" The woman asked, looking around at the blankets still balled up on the sofa and the stray boxes.

"Oh, that would be me" Saffron smiled, she was sort of living between several places at the moment.

"I offered to put her up in my crypt but she doesn't like the carpet bu-" Saffron shoved an elbow into Spike's ribs making him yelp and glare at her, shrugging. He didn't like this old bint and if he could, he would definitely find a fitting end for such a miserable woman.

"Crypt?" Mrs Kroger coughed, appalled.

"Crib! He means crib!" Buffy cut in. She appeared panicked, "You know kids today and their buggin' street slang"

"Exactly how many people are living here, Ms Summers?"

"Dawn, Saff and me. Just us. We're sisters and, uh, we share the looking-after-of-Dawn"

"You share responsibility and yet she is still frequently absent? Interesting" The woman wrote something down on her notepad before looking up, "I would also like to point out that it says here that Ms. Page is your, um, cousin. British nationality, dual citizenship. Not your sister"

"_Like_ a sister. We all grew up together"

"We've also had an anonymous tip-off to make us aware that you are an alcoholic and therefore are not fit to care for a dependent such as Dawn-"

"Wh-"

"-You have suffered numerous bereavements, you have not received any counselling or treatment and you appear to let _criminals_ into your life and, most importantly, Dawn's life" She said criminals with disdain, a pointed look at Spike as she said it.

"What a pretty bit of paper you got there. Do me now" Spike said, a fake excitement on his face.

"It says all that?" Saffron asked sadly, as Spike's jaw tensed at how this woman had made his girl feel. They had both been in such a good mood.

"Look, Saff's- she's- she's really great with Dawn. I couldn't do any of this without her here" Buffy said, a tight smile for her cousin.

"Yeah she's had a rough lot in life, doesn't mean she can't care for the girl!"

"I'm sober and staying that way. If I thought I was a danger to Dawn I would leave"

"Believe me, she's tried it" Buffy muttered.

"So you have been a danger to Dawn in the past?" The woman asked. Saffron looked panic-stricken, Buffy didn't have an answer for that without getting into the whole Key, prophecy of the Three, drinking incident and so she just opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. Spike decided he had better speak up.

"Saff's a great Mum! And uh, Buffy- Buffy's a bit of a bore with the rules and all that but she's proper no-nonsense" Spike said, nodding along with himself and winking at the slayer as she pulled a horrified look when he brought her parenting skills up as well. She had to give him points for trying though, he was sticking up for them all. In his own way. He launched into a speech, "Saffron might have taken a wrong turn here or there but she takes good care of her little sis. Like, um, when Dawn was bunking off, she went straight down the school to sort it, she would sacrifice anything for the girl. In a heartbeat!" Spike pointed at the woman for emphasis as Mrs Kroger smiled awkwardly.

"Spike!" Saffron whispered as he finished, "That's so sweet!" She gazed up at him, a grateful smile as he pecked her cheek before returning the loving gaze. They were definitely on another level of loved up and they couldn't escape it. They didn't want to.

"So that's three people living in the house then" the woman said, snapping the pair out of their love-trance.

"Yeah, Spike so does not live here. I'm working on getting him un-invited" Buffy smiled sweetly as the older woman frowned. Spike glared, _after all he said in favour of that bitch._

"Buffy I'm going to take a shower before I get my head down for that nap!" Willow called from upstairs. This couldn't have gone any worse. Buffy had to quickly explain that Willow lived there too, implying that she lived with a woman before having to explain she wasn't gay, not that there was anything wrong with that. Buffy's panicked babbling didn't look good. Saffron was focusing on the old woman, trying to influence her emotions.

_"I can't influence her. It's like she's made of bloody stone"_ Saffron hissed at Spike. She was frowning, really trying to get something from the woman. Even a little flicker of care or a change in attitude. While Buffy was babbling, the social worker noticed the box full of magical stuff that was supposed to be thrown out. She tentatively picked up a plastic bag containing green herbs.

"You know, I know what that looks like, but I- I swear, it's not... what it looks like" Buffy hurriedly snatched the bag off the woman and chucked it back in the box, "It's not mine" Buffy added lamely when she saw the woman was unconvinced.

"Actually… I think that's mine!" Saff smiled, taking it from the box and pocketing it. All her stuff had gotten mixed up in the boxes they were getting rid of for Willow. Buffy gave her a look and she caught up with what it looked like, "Oh, uh, it's not weed! It's like, magic weed… for spe- spinach focaccia. New recipe. I'm getting good at the cooking thing slowly… Pancakes burn but spinach pasta is forever!" The woman looked horrified, but she would have looked more horrified if Saffron had said it as for spell casting. The woman was about to lose it, Saff could feel it. It was an obvious cover up and to make matters worse, the cover up wasn't even convincing. Saffron didn't know what focaccia was.

"I think I've seen enough" She turns to leave and the two girls hurried after her.

"No, a-actually, I really don't think that you have. It's just... i-it's been kind of, kind of a, a bad time"

"It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Ms. Summers? Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year, due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness probably brought on by your sister's, termed loosely, alcohol problem. Am I correct?"

"Uh, well-" Buffy started as Saffron looked ashamed, "But there-there are good reasons for all of it"

"Oh, I'm sure there are. But my interest is in Dawn's welfare. And the stability of her home life, something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed young woman like yourself can provide"

"I can… I- I do!" Buffy insisted.

"I'll believe that when I bloody see it" Spike muttered. His girl was working herself into the ground and the slayer was playing whack-a-demon by night and sleeping in the day.

"I have two jobs, lady" Saffron cut in, trying again to influence her to cut them even a little slack. But again, nothing.

"Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we?" She goes to the door, stops and turns back "Oh, and I'm, uh, going to recommend immediate probation in my report. I'll be monitoring you all very closely. And if I don't see that things are improving, well, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your sister's guardianship"

"You can't do that"

"I do what is in Dawn's best interest... as should you. Have a nice day" She said over her shoulder as she walked away.

"What a _bitch_…in' day!" Saffron looked off into the clouds from the doorway as she pretended she had meant to comment on the weather. The old woman had turned back at the start of her sentence, still in earshot. Saffron waved awkwardly before slamming the door shut. Her and Buffy looked at each other blankly. They both had other things they wanted to do to take the pain away from the thought of losing Dawn.

"Well, that could have gone better" Saffron said, hitting her head against the wooden door. Buffy squeezed her hand silently before letting go.

"Could have gone worse, pet, least I was there to put in a good word" Spike whispered. Saffron continued to hit her head against the closed door as Buffy closed her eyes, biting back tears. She glared at Spike, he had been no help. Saffron had tried her best, she knew that, but her parenting skills were more fake-it-till-you-make-it than her own. It was all so hard. She wanted to scream. She wanted to go somewhere very specific. Forget about the visit they had just had.

"Buff, she was- it was as if she was protected. Blocking my influence… like-like…" Saff tailed off. Like Buffy was. Like Oleander. Maybe some people just could. She was clearly not one of them. Not without excessive alcohol use anyway. Buffy just nodded, silently walked upstairs, hugging herself and slamming her bedroom door shut.

"She-she can't take Dawn… I can't lose her too! She's family. _Our_ family, Spike!"

"I know, love. You want me to put the fear in her? Can't bite but a little scare could do the trick" She smiled but it looked more like a grimace, shaking her head at him. She appreciated the gesture. She couldn't escape wanting something she shouldn't. Craving it. Because at least then, she could get some kind of respite from everything that kept being thrown at them.

"I want a drink Spike" She said sadly, sliding down the door and crouching with her head in her hands. He nodded, understanding. She was struggling again but he was proud that she was talking to him. Like she promised she would if she ever wanted to drink. They spent the day together, holed up in the basement talking. Sometimes reading to each other as they tried to forget about the visit and Saff's craving.


End file.
